Vice Principals (2016) s02e03 Episode Script
The King
1 I'll take it.
LEE RUSSELL: You all need a lesson in respecting your superiors.
Is this about not wanting to eat sushi? - (SHOUTING) - Jesus Christ! This is about me.
Firing all of you.
- (MURMURING) - What? Oh, come on.
You're not supposed to pick up people here.
AMANDA SNODGRASS: Perfect timing! SNODGRASS: What you doing? Anything fun? Oh, my God.
Is that a whole binder of suspects? Oh, my God, yes it is.
And you'd better be glad I don't put Brian in here.
Excuse me? Just keep your nose clean, Snodgrass.
What? (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER) Excuse me, I'm looking for a patient.
Neal Gamby.
NURSE: He's still in surgery.
You'll have to wait.
You're waiting for Neal Gamby.
Yes, yes, I am.
Is he okay? - Awake and alert.
- Oh, my God! Okay, that's great.
That's great! - Are you family? - Yes.
I'm his girlfriend.
May I see him, please? - Let me see if he's ready for visitors yet.
- Okay.
- Excuse me.
- Thank you so much.
Thank you.
DOCTOR: Ma'am? Yes? Mr.
Gamby says he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Uh Are you sure? (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) NASH (ON WALKIE-TALKIE): Heads-up, boss.
Vintage Porsche, nine o'clock.
Copy that.
I got eyes on 'em.
(HORN BEEPS) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) Yo, Nash, how's that ball-sack hanging? - What'd you say? - Where you get them titties? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep running, ya blockheads! (SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) Robin Shandrell, what in the hell are you doin'? I'm goin' to school.
Dopers, get into class.
Get the fuck into school.
Robin, what the fuck? You're getting a second chance and you're already gonna blow it? I mean, what are these clothes you're wearing on your first day back? These are my clothes.
It's all I have.
Leave me alone, okay? You gotta show people that you're ready to do this for real this time, not be some goddamn slack-jawed fuck-up! When are you gonna stop being an asshole? Hey, watch your mouth.
You hear me? You should be kissing my asshole.
Don't make me look like an idiot.
Fuck off.
I won't.
Okay, good, good.
- You got lunch money? - No.
Didn't think so.
Give this meal pass to Dayshawn in the cafeteria.
He'll get you anything you need, okay? Get in there.
Kick some ass, all right? - Don't do drugs! - (SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) Ah, this is so exciting! I can already tell that I like you guys so much better than that last batch of teachers.
Why so many new teachers at once? Was there a walkout or somethin'? No, no, no.
No walkout.
Just some folks with some toxic attitudes who needed to be let go.
I always strive for the best.
We are a very happy and successful institution.
What's this? This looks like you.
"King Ding-a Ling"? Look how tiny they made your tee-tee bird.
- Fuck you, Gamby.
- I No, I know it's offensive, but it's a pretty good picture of you.
Obviously whoever did this is really good at art.
Who do you think it was? Some anonymous coward hid it out in the trophy case, meaning someone with a key.
Meaning a faculty member tried to make me look like an asshole in front of the new hires.
A caricature is supposed to look like a person.
You give Streisand a big nose.
Why? Ms.
Swift? Because she has a big fucking nose! That's why! Now why would they draw my dick so little? Huh? I don't want to offend you, Russell, but maybe you come off like the type of guy that has a small, itty-bitty penis.
Oh, whatever, Gamby.
I'm sure yours is so long and thick and juicy with big, fuckin' hairy balls.
I bet you got a lot of little Gambys swimmin' around in there, ready to come out, right? I'm so fucking sure, Gamby.
I don't have people imagining that it's small.
(CHUCKLES) Mocked by underlings.
No more.
Startin' right now, I'm placing you as a substitute for Bill Hayden's class.
Are you nuts? Come on, Russell.
That's beneath my dignity.
I haven't been able to fill the spot yet.
Besides, you can act as my spy.
Let me know what the teachers are up to.
I'm sorry, Gamby, but you're going undercover.
I I got my hands full with my own job.
Nash can't handle discipline on her own.
We just let Robin Shandrell back in.
She's not ready for a guy like that.
I can take the kid.
I got a few moves.
Nash, you got dick.
I saw your moves in the parking lot today.
It was pathetic.
Gamby, it's already been decided.
I need you to go in there and substitute teach the class, okay? God, this is so stupid.
This is bullshit! This is so dumb, Russell.
It's the dumbest thing.
It's such bad judgment.
I don't like this choice.
Excuse us, ladies.
Close the door, please.
(DOOR CLOSES) Buddy, don't you forget that I'm your boss.
Now, I can't have you talking to me like that in front of other people.
I am the principal.
Well, I was supposed to be principal too, so Yes.
Then you got shot.
And you hid out like a poor, frightened little child.
You were broken, and I brought you back.
Now, you will substitute teach that class, Neal Gamby.
And you will find out who's drawing fucked up cartoons about my genitalia.
Are we clear? I suppose.
Don't make me ask again.
Crystal.
Dismissed.
- (SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) - GAMBY: Okay, here's the deal, people.
I'm gonna be temporarily subbing Honors History.
So, someone please tell me, what where are we at in the lesson plan? Where where are we going? We're studying the Reconstruction era, post-Civil War, and its long-term effect on the Southern states.
Okay.
Cinchy.
Uh, does Hayden have like a a master list of questions or like a study guide or anything? Mr.
Hayden just lectured mostly.
Hm.
That's one technique of course, just to stand up there and run your mouth.
Uh, we're we're gonna put a pin in Reconstruction and get a little more creative with the learning.
Here we go.
Got it.
Does anyone know what happened today in history? Give you a hint.
It happened in 1969.
Anyone? Boris Karloff, English actor and singer, b.
1887, he passed away on this day in history.
He was a famous person for playing the role of Frankenstein in the classic Universal monster film Frankenstein.
So, what we're gonna do is this.
This is where it gets fun.
Take a piece of paper and pass it around, one to each.
Today I want your best artist renditions of Frankenstein.
Do we draw Frankenstein himself or Frankenstein's monster? Frankenstein has a monster? (LAUGHTER) Don't laugh.
Don't laugh.
Draw Frankenstein, okay? Now where did Hayden keep his Magic Markers? This is a college-level course.
We don't have Magic Markers.
- (LAUGHTER) - Did you even go to college? (SCOFFS) Yes, I went to college.
What school? Learning Leaders University.
LLU.
It's an online, accredited university.
(LAUGHTER) What major? - Leadership.
- (LAUGHS LOUDER) What the hell is so funny about that? I got into Penn State.
I'm going to Duke.
Full ride.
Well, big flippin' deal.
Who cares? (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) What were your SAT scores, Mr.
Gamby? (MOCKINGLY) Uh, I think my SA scores are none of your business.
Look, just everyone shut your mouths right now.
Shut your (MOUTHS WORD) mouths now.
Just draw the motherfucker with the bolts in his neck, okay? Simple.
Don't make me say it again.
Fuck, you guys are entitled.
Unbelievable.
Regina Deets! Look at you with this colorful ensemble.
So creative! What an art teacher you are.
What are you workin' on next? In terms of my syllabus? No, sweetheart.
I'm talkin' you.
Are you workin' on any paintings or illustrations? - You came by just to ask that? - Well, I'm just curious what you like to work on yourself, you know, when you're alone and you're feeling inspired.
- You know, like when you want to make a statement.
- Ugh.
I did not draw that comic strip, if that's what you're asking.
Comic strip? I don't even know what you're talking about.
- What? - King Ding-a Ling.
You know, the one everyone's passing around showcasing your Who is passing it around? I don't know who's doing it.
Well, do you know any other teachers who like to draw? I'm a potter, Lee.
I make pottery, remember? My show at the gallery, you were there! Yes, that's right, clay pots.
I remember that.
Well, it was good to chat with you, Regina.
I look forward to our next conversation where we get to review the art budget.
Looking forward to that.
Hey, Chief.
You mind if I sit? What do you want? For some crazy reason, Mr.
Gamby has taken a liking to you.
If you disappoint him, you're gonna have to deal with the toughest MF-er you've ever seen.
Yeah? Who's that? Me.
(SPUTTERS) Oh, shit! Mr.
Nash just farted! (LAUGHTER) How's it goin'? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? You all are probably wondering why I'm sitting with you.
Well, I shall tell you.
Lee Russell is an asshole.
- No shit.
- Not exactly breaking news, Gamby.
Yeah, it's all we've been talking about for the last month.
Well, good.
Glad to see I'm amongst friends.
That way I can talk as much shit as I want to, huh? What's your beef with him, Gamby? My beef, he's full of baloney.
He's got me substitute teaching Bill Hayden's history class.
- You? - What? - Me.
- Why can't he get a real sub? Yeah, someone more qualified.
- "More qualified"? - Mm-hmm.
(CHUCKLES) You trying to knock on me? Come on, Ms.
Snodgrass.
I'm overqualified.
This is a slap in the face to me.
Why is it a slap in the face to teach class? Is there, uh, something wrong with teaching you wanna tell this table of teachers? Well, n no.
I mean, there's there's nothing wrong with it for you guys.
L look, I'm not trying to insult anyone, okay? Sue, don't get your panties in a bunch.
I'm just saying, this is another example of Lee Russell using very poor judgment.
What do you expect from ol' King Ding-a Ling? (LAUGHTER) That cartoon was pretty awesome.
Mm-hmm.
I'd love to shake the hand of whoever did that.
- I made it my wallpaper.
- (LAUGHS) That's fantastic! She made it her wallpaper! (LAUGHS) Classic cartoon cutdown.
Sure would love to know who did it.
Did you do it? Amanda, did you hear from the publisher about your book yet? - No, not yet.
- Oh.
- Fingers crossed.
- Yeah.
Publisher? What are you guys talking about? - Wait - Amanda's boyfriend has connections at Penguin Press, and he's trying to help her get published.
Yup.
That's right.
Thanks, Jen.
- Yeah, sure.
- Well, if that's all you're looking for, you should have told me ages go.
I have several esteemed colleagues who dominate in that field - of business stuff.
- Oh.
I had no idea, but I guess Brian was just the first to believe in my work, so Yeah, I bet he believes in your work all right.
Tell me, uh, did you, uh, ever even read my book? - I'm reading it right now.
- Yeah, where are you? I'm at the part where all the, the stuff is going on to the main character.
- What, page one? - Ms.
Snodgrass, I think you just need to keep your feet on the ground, okay? I mean, I'm sure this Brian is gonna promise you the world if he thinks he can unzip your blouse and slip and slide his privates all over your lips.
- SNODGRASS: Whoa, Neal.
- I'm sorry, Sue.
You do not know what you are talking about.
But if I am lucky enough to get my book published, I'll be sure to sign a copy for you.
Well, that's not gonna happen, so don't worry about it.
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Thanks a lot, Neal.
- No, I don't mean - No, I understood.
- Thank you.
I got it - No, I mean he's not gonna be able to get it published.
- Not that - Oh! Oh! Oh, my God, she got fuckin' faced! I wasn't trying to face her.
I was just trying to give her some advice.
(CAR SCREECHES) Oh, fuck! Shit.
(GRUNTS) Goddammit! - Goddammit! - What the hell? Bill, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? That was a classic comedy cutoff.
I pulled in front of you, you were gonna slow down, swerve out of the way, we'd get out and both laugh about it! - What? - Look, can I ask you a favor? Do you have any of your old lesson plans for the, uh, Reconstruction era? Go fuck yourself.
Bill, please, be professional for a moment here, okay? You fired me and now you want my help? Fuck you, Neal.
Think about the children, okay? - They are our future, Bill.
- Screw the children.
Well, maybe you care about this.
Amanda Snodgrass.
Huh? You might be interested to know she's getting pretty cozy with Mr.
Hotshot Porsche.
Brian Biehn? Brian Biehn? That's what he's called? What else do you know about him? He's a fucking novelist.
He teaches a writing course that Amanda took.
So that's his game, huh? He finds young pupils to publish and then fuck.
That seems like a lot of effort to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
He seems pretty pathetic, if you ask me.
And how about her? I mean, can you believe this? She's just got to go from one guy to the next.
I mean, obviously she has some major codependency issues.
Hey, you know what, Neal? I don't want to bond with you.
- We're not, like, friends or anything.
- Uh, yeah.
No duh.
I'm not trying to bond with you.
I'm not trying to be friends.
I know we're not friends.
Don't fucking come around here anymore.
Bill, if you need a job rec, let me know, okay? Because I'm not petty.
I will give you that.
Only thing I need from you, Neal, is for you to go fuck yourself.
So, why don't you do that? That would be a big favor to me.
Thank you for the information on Brian.
I appreciate it.
Good luck.
WOMAN (ON TV): I insist that every room be searched.
- GIRL: Daddy? - MAN: Sara.
Daddy! Oh, Daddy, it is you! I found you, I found you! They said you were dead, but I knew you weren't! I knew you'd come back! Oh, Daddy! My mom is right here.
Shh.
She's sleeping.
- It is big, isn't it? - Why are you asking me? Well, you're the one I stick it in, Christine.
Who else am I gonna ask? Yeah, it's fine.
I mean, I don't know.
I haven't seen a lot of penises.
Well, certainly you know if it's if it's small.
It's perfect for me.
Big ones hurt.
Well, I could hurt you.
I could hit both walls if I wanted, and your uterus.
Just get away from me.
- Lee! - No, I'm going to bed.
(GASPS) Turn the television off and go to bed.
That's enough TV for you.
- (SARA CRIES) - FATHER: Must you cry? GAMBY: I don't understand why you guys bought all this stuff.
The room was already set up.
You don't even have curtains that work.
Gale, what do I need curtains for? I don't even have neighbors.
You know what, Janelle? I like this place for you.
Thank you, Ray.
I appreciate you being supportive.
I don't know why she can't just drop the child off and keep her stupid mouth shut.
I don't understand why you decided to move to a fucking pioneer house 30 miles in the middle of Bumfuck.
I'm living in a secluded place, Gale, for our daughter's safety.
What if I were staying in town or staying at your place and the murderer tracked me down there? Don't He'd blast you in your f-ing face, kill her, and maybe even kill Ray.
- He's gonna murder me? - No one's gonna murder you, baby.
You're off the grid now, that's for sure.
You'll be safe out here.
Safety is just an illusion, Ray.
All it takes is one nutball with a high-powered rifle to shatter that illusion to a fine, pink mist.
Well, maybe more of a reason to get curtains that work.
- That's all.
- Do you always have to be so negative? - I'm not negative.
I'm - RAY: Neal, take me and show me around outside.
Let the girls get the room all set up.
Why is everyone acting like the room is not set up? The room has been set up.
And they threw the barn in with it.
As you can see, security is a very big deal to me, so I've been turning this barn into my command central station.
RAY: Kind of paranoid, bud.
Isn't this a little over the top? Ray, my shooter's still at-large.
I'm not gonna rest until I catch this fucker.
Who are you looking up? Brian Biehn.
Globetrotting author and professor of English studies.
(INHALES) - What's he with, a gang? - No, looks like it's a photograph from his first novel, Sky's the Limit.
"Firsthand account of a hard life from child soldiers in Uganda.
" Damn.
Looks like it was also a Critic's Pick.
GAMBY: Hm.
What's he doing in that picture? GAMBY: This is from his second novel, The Ripest Fruit.
"Brian Biehn embeds himself with an Indonesian tribe of cannibals.
" RAY: This guy's for real.
Looks like Brian Biehn might be my number one suspect on my shooter's list.
He's got the motive.
He's dating Amanda Snodgrass.
Chick you took to motocross? This guy Brian stole her from you? No.
I dumped her.
Stopped returning her phone calls, just kind of, like, let the relationship fizzle.
- Why'd you do that? She was awesome.
- I was shot, Ray.
Okay, I wasn't, like, thinking clearly.
I made some mistakes.
So, it's not Brian's fault.
Oh, my God.
You are so dense sometimes.
Listen, he tried to kill me, all right? He's hanging out with machine guns and cannibals.
Maybe this is one you let go.
Funny thing about me, Ray, when push comes to shove, I can eat people too.
(CHORTLES) It's not a joke, Ray.
I could eat a person if I needed to.
(SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) (GAMBY SCOFFS) Ooh.
What's up, sexy? Hot glasses.
Having honor students draw pictures of Frankenstein? That's so dumb, Neal.
I know it's dumb.
This teacher bullshit.
I'm just putting a B+ on all of 'em and calling it a day.
You know, if you want some help with all this teaching stuff, I could come work with you.
I'm on different meds now.
It would be better this time.
I'm not interested.
I don't want companionship from anybody right now.
My mind is focused on more important things.
Give me a break.
Snodgrass? - MILNER: Biddy-bop! - What's up, Milner? - Hey.
- What's up? (CHUCKLES) I see maybe two kids here who could be artists.
The rest are shit.
What the hell do you know? You're a science teacher, Milner.
I know art when I see it.
Like King Ding-a Ling.
In fact, everybody, have you heard? There's a new one of Russell out.
- There's a new drawing? - On the bulletin board.
- Wah-ha! - (LAUGHS) GAMBY: "Racing to a stop"? SEYCHELLES: Is he smiling or is he scared? HUH.
DEETS: Does Lee even ride a bike? I don't think I've ever seen him on one.
This is not as good as King Ding-a Ling, but DEETS: I'm not quite sure what he's trying to say.
SEYCHELLES: When did this go up? It must just have - because it wasn't there a minute ago.
- Well, I just noticed it.
But you're right.
Not as good as the last one.
Oh, it's disappointing.
(SIGHS) What's up, Deep Throat? Feel like a teacher yet? Oh, fuck you.
Don't call me that.
So what's the word? You hear any good shit? Well, the teachers definitely hate you.
They mock you at every turn.
No shit.
Give me somethin' I can use.
Who drew the cartoon? - I got a theory.
- Was it Mrs.
Deets? No, not Deets.
Milner.
Science teacher.
He revealed a second drawing in the teachers' lounge.
A a second drawing? Don't worry, it wasn't any good.
It was you buck naked on a bicycle with your tiny pecker barely poking out of your pubic hairs.
It was like "Racing to a stop.
" I don't know what the fuck he was trying to say, but it failed.
It's like he expected it to be an uproarious sequel, - but it scored no laughs.
- Fuckin' Milner.
I thought he was a decent Christian man.
Too bad I can't destroy a handicap the way I would a normal person.
(SIGHS) Well, good job, Gamby.
Now would you please just do me one more favor? Would you stop wearing this old Warriors' shit? - Russell, I don't understand what the big deal is.
- It's time, Gamby.
I can't have my VP living in the past while everybody else moves forward.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
So, is that the end of the meeting? (SIGHS) This is the end, Gamby.
Leave your jacket.
- Why do I have to be here for this? - Because, Janelle, if Brian Biehn happens to neutralize me, you're gonna have to fend for your life.
Clear! (GAMBY CHUCKLES) One false step, sayonara.
Don't roll your eyes.
What's gotten into you? I don't like coming way out here.
It's too far from all my friends.
(SCOFFS) Well, you're gonna be pretty far from your friends when you're in heaven, dead from being shot.
Clear.
Brian Biehn.
Destroyed him.
Gotta beat him.
You see, you identify, you get behind him, up his asshole like that.
Wonderful to see you, Mr.
Biehn.
I call this little shit-thrower the Apocalypto.
Stuck like a fucking pig.
Stab his privates.
There you go.
Trespass me? Fuck you, Brian Biehn.
Why don't you write your way out of this trap, book fuck? (SNAPPING) Safety above all else.
BIEHN: Ibsen said that there are two kinds of conscience.
One in a man, and the other, in an altogether different way, in a woman.
Very insightful.
So we will pick this up next week.
Thank you all for your rapt devotion and attention to Henrik Ibsen.
I have a couple of ideas for you two.
What if you two dramatize act three? Let's get together tomorrow night and we can rehearse a little bit.
- Fascinating lesson, Mr.
Professor Biehn.
- Thank you.
Um, I'll see you later, all right? I haven't seen you in, uh, my class before.
Uh, is there something I can do for you? Detective Bernard Willows from the, uh, Downtown Police Precinct offices.
- What's this all about? - (CHUCKLES) How 'bout I ask the questions today, okay? Did I do something wrong, Officer? "Detective.
" And that's what I'm here to find out.
When was the last time you were at North Jackson High School? Today.
I dropped off a friend, Amanda Snodgrass.
She's a teacher there.
And are you girlfriends and boyfriends with this teacher? I don't like to use the term "girlfriend," but we, uh, we are dating, yes.
Have you made intercourse with this woman? - Excuse me? - Coitus.
Flesh-to-flesh.
What did you say your name was? Detective Bernard Willows.
You want to see my badge again? How about my fucking gun, huh? Is Amanda in some kind of trouble? No.
You are.
And you do not want to get on my bad side, do you hear? - What? - Do you own a gun, Professor? A nine millimeter? No, I do not own a gun.
Have you ever taken a gun and shot someone in the hip and in the motherfucking shoulder? No! I hate guns.
I know what guns can do to people.
I'm trying to assess whether you're being truthful or not.
I would feel a lot more comfortable if I had a lawyer present.
We're not calling any fucking lawyers, do you understand me? I will cooperate.
- What can I do? - I'll tell you what you can do.
You can stay the hell away from Amanda Snodgrass.
There is nothing but trouble for you there.
I'm helping Amanda with her novel.
Pathetic.
You better stay off my fucking bad side.
I understand.
Good.
And I appreciate your cooperation, citizen.
It's time to go do the other mysteries that I have to work on.
Good day.
(SIGHS) (MUTTERS) Fuck no.
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) Let's do it.
Let's just do it.
What? Uh, okay.
Okay, this is cool.
(CLEARS THROAT) Baby? Guess what? I What? Oh, gross.
Hey! Did you go to the college and pretend to be a cop to Brian? Where did you hear something like that? From Brian.
He told me a cop named Willows came by asking about me.
It wasn't hard to figure out.
Okay, fine.
You got me.
Yeah.
I went over there to go inspect that son of a bitch to see what he was up to.
Are you out of your mind? You pulled a gun on him, Neal.
Okay, if he's telling you that, then he's telling a big lie 'cause I did not do that.
And all of this crazy shit, 'cause you're jealous now? Come on.
Don't get a big head.
No, I went over there because, yes, I did suspect him as being my shooter.
So, I wanted to check up on him, not because I'm jealous, but my assumptions were correct about him.
He doesn't have the contacts it takes to get you published.
He's just trying to fuck you.
Well, the Penguin Press are flying me to New York for a meeting, so you're wrong.
- You got the meeting? - Yes, I did.
Yup.
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
But I'm sure he's just setting the meeting so he can fuck you.
Stop it.
If you care so much about who I'm dating, then you tell me why you stopped talking to me after the shooting.
You think that you know me, okay, but you don't.
I've done some really terrible things.
Some really bad stuff.
And I was just trying to protect you.
Oh, my God, Neal.
You know what? You don't even need to bother.
I'm a big girl.
I've been dumped before.
You don't have to squeeze out some bullshit story for my benefit, okay? You know, uh, actually, this is this is for the best because we never would have worked out anyway if you think about it.
I mean, we were both just desperate and, um you're not even my type.
Well, you're not even my type either.
Okay.
I don't like it when girls have just landing strips.
I've always liked it more when girls have full-blown beavers.
Anybody who knows me knows that.
So, no matter how close we would have gotten, it would have only been so close 'cause you just don't have enough pubic hair.
(SNIFFLES) Okay.
- You're dismissed.
- See ya.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) "Reconstruction was one of the most difficult eras in US history.
The Civil War had reduced the South into a poverty-stricken backwater.
Who shut off the light? - (KNOCKING) - Economy in ruin, populous divided, many died, many more were wounded.
- (CLANGING) - (SCREAMING) Left with a broken nation, rebuilding what was destroyed would prove to be the hardest part.
Those who opposed the new regime instigated violence carried out by secret, sinister organizations.
" MILNER: Help! Help me! "A federal intervention was instituted " - Help me, somebody! - " to suppress the disruptive factions.
But it was followed by a deep, national economic depression that contributed to the growing frustration in both the North and the South.
My hands! Anybody! "Even amidst defeat, - the South refused to accept the inevitable.
" - Help! Help me! I think he was trying to break my fingers, but he couldn't.
- Who? Who did? - I don't know! It was too dark.
"They did all they could to defy the unstoppable tide of change, but it was too late.
A war had been fought.
They had lost, and history is written by the winners.
" I'd like to walk around in your mind someday I'd like to walk all over the things you say to me I'd like to run and jump on your solitude I'd like to rearrange your latitude to me I'd sing my songs And find out just what they mean to you But most of all I'd like you to be unaware And I'd just wander away Trailing palm leaves behind me So you don't even know that I've been there
LEE RUSSELL: You all need a lesson in respecting your superiors.
Is this about not wanting to eat sushi? - (SHOUTING) - Jesus Christ! This is about me.
Firing all of you.
- (MURMURING) - What? Oh, come on.
You're not supposed to pick up people here.
AMANDA SNODGRASS: Perfect timing! SNODGRASS: What you doing? Anything fun? Oh, my God.
Is that a whole binder of suspects? Oh, my God, yes it is.
And you'd better be glad I don't put Brian in here.
Excuse me? Just keep your nose clean, Snodgrass.
What? (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER) Excuse me, I'm looking for a patient.
Neal Gamby.
NURSE: He's still in surgery.
You'll have to wait.
You're waiting for Neal Gamby.
Yes, yes, I am.
Is he okay? - Awake and alert.
- Oh, my God! Okay, that's great.
That's great! - Are you family? - Yes.
I'm his girlfriend.
May I see him, please? - Let me see if he's ready for visitors yet.
- Okay.
- Excuse me.
- Thank you so much.
Thank you.
DOCTOR: Ma'am? Yes? Mr.
Gamby says he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Uh Are you sure? (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) NASH (ON WALKIE-TALKIE): Heads-up, boss.
Vintage Porsche, nine o'clock.
Copy that.
I got eyes on 'em.
(HORN BEEPS) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) Yo, Nash, how's that ball-sack hanging? - What'd you say? - Where you get them titties? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep running, ya blockheads! (SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) Robin Shandrell, what in the hell are you doin'? I'm goin' to school.
Dopers, get into class.
Get the fuck into school.
Robin, what the fuck? You're getting a second chance and you're already gonna blow it? I mean, what are these clothes you're wearing on your first day back? These are my clothes.
It's all I have.
Leave me alone, okay? You gotta show people that you're ready to do this for real this time, not be some goddamn slack-jawed fuck-up! When are you gonna stop being an asshole? Hey, watch your mouth.
You hear me? You should be kissing my asshole.
Don't make me look like an idiot.
Fuck off.
I won't.
Okay, good, good.
- You got lunch money? - No.
Didn't think so.
Give this meal pass to Dayshawn in the cafeteria.
He'll get you anything you need, okay? Get in there.
Kick some ass, all right? - Don't do drugs! - (SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) Ah, this is so exciting! I can already tell that I like you guys so much better than that last batch of teachers.
Why so many new teachers at once? Was there a walkout or somethin'? No, no, no.
No walkout.
Just some folks with some toxic attitudes who needed to be let go.
I always strive for the best.
We are a very happy and successful institution.
What's this? This looks like you.
"King Ding-a Ling"? Look how tiny they made your tee-tee bird.
- Fuck you, Gamby.
- I No, I know it's offensive, but it's a pretty good picture of you.
Obviously whoever did this is really good at art.
Who do you think it was? Some anonymous coward hid it out in the trophy case, meaning someone with a key.
Meaning a faculty member tried to make me look like an asshole in front of the new hires.
A caricature is supposed to look like a person.
You give Streisand a big nose.
Why? Ms.
Swift? Because she has a big fucking nose! That's why! Now why would they draw my dick so little? Huh? I don't want to offend you, Russell, but maybe you come off like the type of guy that has a small, itty-bitty penis.
Oh, whatever, Gamby.
I'm sure yours is so long and thick and juicy with big, fuckin' hairy balls.
I bet you got a lot of little Gambys swimmin' around in there, ready to come out, right? I'm so fucking sure, Gamby.
I don't have people imagining that it's small.
(CHUCKLES) Mocked by underlings.
No more.
Startin' right now, I'm placing you as a substitute for Bill Hayden's class.
Are you nuts? Come on, Russell.
That's beneath my dignity.
I haven't been able to fill the spot yet.
Besides, you can act as my spy.
Let me know what the teachers are up to.
I'm sorry, Gamby, but you're going undercover.
I I got my hands full with my own job.
Nash can't handle discipline on her own.
We just let Robin Shandrell back in.
She's not ready for a guy like that.
I can take the kid.
I got a few moves.
Nash, you got dick.
I saw your moves in the parking lot today.
It was pathetic.
Gamby, it's already been decided.
I need you to go in there and substitute teach the class, okay? God, this is so stupid.
This is bullshit! This is so dumb, Russell.
It's the dumbest thing.
It's such bad judgment.
I don't like this choice.
Excuse us, ladies.
Close the door, please.
(DOOR CLOSES) Buddy, don't you forget that I'm your boss.
Now, I can't have you talking to me like that in front of other people.
I am the principal.
Well, I was supposed to be principal too, so Yes.
Then you got shot.
And you hid out like a poor, frightened little child.
You were broken, and I brought you back.
Now, you will substitute teach that class, Neal Gamby.
And you will find out who's drawing fucked up cartoons about my genitalia.
Are we clear? I suppose.
Don't make me ask again.
Crystal.
Dismissed.
- (SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) - GAMBY: Okay, here's the deal, people.
I'm gonna be temporarily subbing Honors History.
So, someone please tell me, what where are we at in the lesson plan? Where where are we going? We're studying the Reconstruction era, post-Civil War, and its long-term effect on the Southern states.
Okay.
Cinchy.
Uh, does Hayden have like a a master list of questions or like a study guide or anything? Mr.
Hayden just lectured mostly.
Hm.
That's one technique of course, just to stand up there and run your mouth.
Uh, we're we're gonna put a pin in Reconstruction and get a little more creative with the learning.
Here we go.
Got it.
Does anyone know what happened today in history? Give you a hint.
It happened in 1969.
Anyone? Boris Karloff, English actor and singer, b.
1887, he passed away on this day in history.
He was a famous person for playing the role of Frankenstein in the classic Universal monster film Frankenstein.
So, what we're gonna do is this.
This is where it gets fun.
Take a piece of paper and pass it around, one to each.
Today I want your best artist renditions of Frankenstein.
Do we draw Frankenstein himself or Frankenstein's monster? Frankenstein has a monster? (LAUGHTER) Don't laugh.
Don't laugh.
Draw Frankenstein, okay? Now where did Hayden keep his Magic Markers? This is a college-level course.
We don't have Magic Markers.
- (LAUGHTER) - Did you even go to college? (SCOFFS) Yes, I went to college.
What school? Learning Leaders University.
LLU.
It's an online, accredited university.
(LAUGHTER) What major? - Leadership.
- (LAUGHS LOUDER) What the hell is so funny about that? I got into Penn State.
I'm going to Duke.
Full ride.
Well, big flippin' deal.
Who cares? (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) What were your SAT scores, Mr.
Gamby? (MOCKINGLY) Uh, I think my SA scores are none of your business.
Look, just everyone shut your mouths right now.
Shut your (MOUTHS WORD) mouths now.
Just draw the motherfucker with the bolts in his neck, okay? Simple.
Don't make me say it again.
Fuck, you guys are entitled.
Unbelievable.
Regina Deets! Look at you with this colorful ensemble.
So creative! What an art teacher you are.
What are you workin' on next? In terms of my syllabus? No, sweetheart.
I'm talkin' you.
Are you workin' on any paintings or illustrations? - You came by just to ask that? - Well, I'm just curious what you like to work on yourself, you know, when you're alone and you're feeling inspired.
- You know, like when you want to make a statement.
- Ugh.
I did not draw that comic strip, if that's what you're asking.
Comic strip? I don't even know what you're talking about.
- What? - King Ding-a Ling.
You know, the one everyone's passing around showcasing your Who is passing it around? I don't know who's doing it.
Well, do you know any other teachers who like to draw? I'm a potter, Lee.
I make pottery, remember? My show at the gallery, you were there! Yes, that's right, clay pots.
I remember that.
Well, it was good to chat with you, Regina.
I look forward to our next conversation where we get to review the art budget.
Looking forward to that.
Hey, Chief.
You mind if I sit? What do you want? For some crazy reason, Mr.
Gamby has taken a liking to you.
If you disappoint him, you're gonna have to deal with the toughest MF-er you've ever seen.
Yeah? Who's that? Me.
(SPUTTERS) Oh, shit! Mr.
Nash just farted! (LAUGHTER) How's it goin'? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? You all are probably wondering why I'm sitting with you.
Well, I shall tell you.
Lee Russell is an asshole.
- No shit.
- Not exactly breaking news, Gamby.
Yeah, it's all we've been talking about for the last month.
Well, good.
Glad to see I'm amongst friends.
That way I can talk as much shit as I want to, huh? What's your beef with him, Gamby? My beef, he's full of baloney.
He's got me substitute teaching Bill Hayden's history class.
- You? - What? - Me.
- Why can't he get a real sub? Yeah, someone more qualified.
- "More qualified"? - Mm-hmm.
(CHUCKLES) You trying to knock on me? Come on, Ms.
Snodgrass.
I'm overqualified.
This is a slap in the face to me.
Why is it a slap in the face to teach class? Is there, uh, something wrong with teaching you wanna tell this table of teachers? Well, n no.
I mean, there's there's nothing wrong with it for you guys.
L look, I'm not trying to insult anyone, okay? Sue, don't get your panties in a bunch.
I'm just saying, this is another example of Lee Russell using very poor judgment.
What do you expect from ol' King Ding-a Ling? (LAUGHTER) That cartoon was pretty awesome.
Mm-hmm.
I'd love to shake the hand of whoever did that.
- I made it my wallpaper.
- (LAUGHS) That's fantastic! She made it her wallpaper! (LAUGHS) Classic cartoon cutdown.
Sure would love to know who did it.
Did you do it? Amanda, did you hear from the publisher about your book yet? - No, not yet.
- Oh.
- Fingers crossed.
- Yeah.
Publisher? What are you guys talking about? - Wait - Amanda's boyfriend has connections at Penguin Press, and he's trying to help her get published.
Yup.
That's right.
Thanks, Jen.
- Yeah, sure.
- Well, if that's all you're looking for, you should have told me ages go.
I have several esteemed colleagues who dominate in that field - of business stuff.
- Oh.
I had no idea, but I guess Brian was just the first to believe in my work, so Yeah, I bet he believes in your work all right.
Tell me, uh, did you, uh, ever even read my book? - I'm reading it right now.
- Yeah, where are you? I'm at the part where all the, the stuff is going on to the main character.
- What, page one? - Ms.
Snodgrass, I think you just need to keep your feet on the ground, okay? I mean, I'm sure this Brian is gonna promise you the world if he thinks he can unzip your blouse and slip and slide his privates all over your lips.
- SNODGRASS: Whoa, Neal.
- I'm sorry, Sue.
You do not know what you are talking about.
But if I am lucky enough to get my book published, I'll be sure to sign a copy for you.
Well, that's not gonna happen, so don't worry about it.
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Thanks a lot, Neal.
- No, I don't mean - No, I understood.
- Thank you.
I got it - No, I mean he's not gonna be able to get it published.
- Not that - Oh! Oh! Oh, my God, she got fuckin' faced! I wasn't trying to face her.
I was just trying to give her some advice.
(CAR SCREECHES) Oh, fuck! Shit.
(GRUNTS) Goddammit! - Goddammit! - What the hell? Bill, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? That was a classic comedy cutoff.
I pulled in front of you, you were gonna slow down, swerve out of the way, we'd get out and both laugh about it! - What? - Look, can I ask you a favor? Do you have any of your old lesson plans for the, uh, Reconstruction era? Go fuck yourself.
Bill, please, be professional for a moment here, okay? You fired me and now you want my help? Fuck you, Neal.
Think about the children, okay? - They are our future, Bill.
- Screw the children.
Well, maybe you care about this.
Amanda Snodgrass.
Huh? You might be interested to know she's getting pretty cozy with Mr.
Hotshot Porsche.
Brian Biehn? Brian Biehn? That's what he's called? What else do you know about him? He's a fucking novelist.
He teaches a writing course that Amanda took.
So that's his game, huh? He finds young pupils to publish and then fuck.
That seems like a lot of effort to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
He seems pretty pathetic, if you ask me.
And how about her? I mean, can you believe this? She's just got to go from one guy to the next.
I mean, obviously she has some major codependency issues.
Hey, you know what, Neal? I don't want to bond with you.
- We're not, like, friends or anything.
- Uh, yeah.
No duh.
I'm not trying to bond with you.
I'm not trying to be friends.
I know we're not friends.
Don't fucking come around here anymore.
Bill, if you need a job rec, let me know, okay? Because I'm not petty.
I will give you that.
Only thing I need from you, Neal, is for you to go fuck yourself.
So, why don't you do that? That would be a big favor to me.
Thank you for the information on Brian.
I appreciate it.
Good luck.
WOMAN (ON TV): I insist that every room be searched.
- GIRL: Daddy? - MAN: Sara.
Daddy! Oh, Daddy, it is you! I found you, I found you! They said you were dead, but I knew you weren't! I knew you'd come back! Oh, Daddy! My mom is right here.
Shh.
She's sleeping.
- It is big, isn't it? - Why are you asking me? Well, you're the one I stick it in, Christine.
Who else am I gonna ask? Yeah, it's fine.
I mean, I don't know.
I haven't seen a lot of penises.
Well, certainly you know if it's if it's small.
It's perfect for me.
Big ones hurt.
Well, I could hurt you.
I could hit both walls if I wanted, and your uterus.
Just get away from me.
- Lee! - No, I'm going to bed.
(GASPS) Turn the television off and go to bed.
That's enough TV for you.
- (SARA CRIES) - FATHER: Must you cry? GAMBY: I don't understand why you guys bought all this stuff.
The room was already set up.
You don't even have curtains that work.
Gale, what do I need curtains for? I don't even have neighbors.
You know what, Janelle? I like this place for you.
Thank you, Ray.
I appreciate you being supportive.
I don't know why she can't just drop the child off and keep her stupid mouth shut.
I don't understand why you decided to move to a fucking pioneer house 30 miles in the middle of Bumfuck.
I'm living in a secluded place, Gale, for our daughter's safety.
What if I were staying in town or staying at your place and the murderer tracked me down there? Don't He'd blast you in your f-ing face, kill her, and maybe even kill Ray.
- He's gonna murder me? - No one's gonna murder you, baby.
You're off the grid now, that's for sure.
You'll be safe out here.
Safety is just an illusion, Ray.
All it takes is one nutball with a high-powered rifle to shatter that illusion to a fine, pink mist.
Well, maybe more of a reason to get curtains that work.
- That's all.
- Do you always have to be so negative? - I'm not negative.
I'm - RAY: Neal, take me and show me around outside.
Let the girls get the room all set up.
Why is everyone acting like the room is not set up? The room has been set up.
And they threw the barn in with it.
As you can see, security is a very big deal to me, so I've been turning this barn into my command central station.
RAY: Kind of paranoid, bud.
Isn't this a little over the top? Ray, my shooter's still at-large.
I'm not gonna rest until I catch this fucker.
Who are you looking up? Brian Biehn.
Globetrotting author and professor of English studies.
(INHALES) - What's he with, a gang? - No, looks like it's a photograph from his first novel, Sky's the Limit.
"Firsthand account of a hard life from child soldiers in Uganda.
" Damn.
Looks like it was also a Critic's Pick.
GAMBY: Hm.
What's he doing in that picture? GAMBY: This is from his second novel, The Ripest Fruit.
"Brian Biehn embeds himself with an Indonesian tribe of cannibals.
" RAY: This guy's for real.
Looks like Brian Biehn might be my number one suspect on my shooter's list.
He's got the motive.
He's dating Amanda Snodgrass.
Chick you took to motocross? This guy Brian stole her from you? No.
I dumped her.
Stopped returning her phone calls, just kind of, like, let the relationship fizzle.
- Why'd you do that? She was awesome.
- I was shot, Ray.
Okay, I wasn't, like, thinking clearly.
I made some mistakes.
So, it's not Brian's fault.
Oh, my God.
You are so dense sometimes.
Listen, he tried to kill me, all right? He's hanging out with machine guns and cannibals.
Maybe this is one you let go.
Funny thing about me, Ray, when push comes to shove, I can eat people too.
(CHORTLES) It's not a joke, Ray.
I could eat a person if I needed to.
(SCHOOL BELL CHIMES) (GAMBY SCOFFS) Ooh.
What's up, sexy? Hot glasses.
Having honor students draw pictures of Frankenstein? That's so dumb, Neal.
I know it's dumb.
This teacher bullshit.
I'm just putting a B+ on all of 'em and calling it a day.
You know, if you want some help with all this teaching stuff, I could come work with you.
I'm on different meds now.
It would be better this time.
I'm not interested.
I don't want companionship from anybody right now.
My mind is focused on more important things.
Give me a break.
Snodgrass? - MILNER: Biddy-bop! - What's up, Milner? - Hey.
- What's up? (CHUCKLES) I see maybe two kids here who could be artists.
The rest are shit.
What the hell do you know? You're a science teacher, Milner.
I know art when I see it.
Like King Ding-a Ling.
In fact, everybody, have you heard? There's a new one of Russell out.
- There's a new drawing? - On the bulletin board.
- Wah-ha! - (LAUGHS) GAMBY: "Racing to a stop"? SEYCHELLES: Is he smiling or is he scared? HUH.
DEETS: Does Lee even ride a bike? I don't think I've ever seen him on one.
This is not as good as King Ding-a Ling, but DEETS: I'm not quite sure what he's trying to say.
SEYCHELLES: When did this go up? It must just have - because it wasn't there a minute ago.
- Well, I just noticed it.
But you're right.
Not as good as the last one.
Oh, it's disappointing.
(SIGHS) What's up, Deep Throat? Feel like a teacher yet? Oh, fuck you.
Don't call me that.
So what's the word? You hear any good shit? Well, the teachers definitely hate you.
They mock you at every turn.
No shit.
Give me somethin' I can use.
Who drew the cartoon? - I got a theory.
- Was it Mrs.
Deets? No, not Deets.
Milner.
Science teacher.
He revealed a second drawing in the teachers' lounge.
A a second drawing? Don't worry, it wasn't any good.
It was you buck naked on a bicycle with your tiny pecker barely poking out of your pubic hairs.
It was like "Racing to a stop.
" I don't know what the fuck he was trying to say, but it failed.
It's like he expected it to be an uproarious sequel, - but it scored no laughs.
- Fuckin' Milner.
I thought he was a decent Christian man.
Too bad I can't destroy a handicap the way I would a normal person.
(SIGHS) Well, good job, Gamby.
Now would you please just do me one more favor? Would you stop wearing this old Warriors' shit? - Russell, I don't understand what the big deal is.
- It's time, Gamby.
I can't have my VP living in the past while everybody else moves forward.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
So, is that the end of the meeting? (SIGHS) This is the end, Gamby.
Leave your jacket.
- Why do I have to be here for this? - Because, Janelle, if Brian Biehn happens to neutralize me, you're gonna have to fend for your life.
Clear! (GAMBY CHUCKLES) One false step, sayonara.
Don't roll your eyes.
What's gotten into you? I don't like coming way out here.
It's too far from all my friends.
(SCOFFS) Well, you're gonna be pretty far from your friends when you're in heaven, dead from being shot.
Clear.
Brian Biehn.
Destroyed him.
Gotta beat him.
You see, you identify, you get behind him, up his asshole like that.
Wonderful to see you, Mr.
Biehn.
I call this little shit-thrower the Apocalypto.
Stuck like a fucking pig.
Stab his privates.
There you go.
Trespass me? Fuck you, Brian Biehn.
Why don't you write your way out of this trap, book fuck? (SNAPPING) Safety above all else.
BIEHN: Ibsen said that there are two kinds of conscience.
One in a man, and the other, in an altogether different way, in a woman.
Very insightful.
So we will pick this up next week.
Thank you all for your rapt devotion and attention to Henrik Ibsen.
I have a couple of ideas for you two.
What if you two dramatize act three? Let's get together tomorrow night and we can rehearse a little bit.
- Fascinating lesson, Mr.
Professor Biehn.
- Thank you.
Um, I'll see you later, all right? I haven't seen you in, uh, my class before.
Uh, is there something I can do for you? Detective Bernard Willows from the, uh, Downtown Police Precinct offices.
- What's this all about? - (CHUCKLES) How 'bout I ask the questions today, okay? Did I do something wrong, Officer? "Detective.
" And that's what I'm here to find out.
When was the last time you were at North Jackson High School? Today.
I dropped off a friend, Amanda Snodgrass.
She's a teacher there.
And are you girlfriends and boyfriends with this teacher? I don't like to use the term "girlfriend," but we, uh, we are dating, yes.
Have you made intercourse with this woman? - Excuse me? - Coitus.
Flesh-to-flesh.
What did you say your name was? Detective Bernard Willows.
You want to see my badge again? How about my fucking gun, huh? Is Amanda in some kind of trouble? No.
You are.
And you do not want to get on my bad side, do you hear? - What? - Do you own a gun, Professor? A nine millimeter? No, I do not own a gun.
Have you ever taken a gun and shot someone in the hip and in the motherfucking shoulder? No! I hate guns.
I know what guns can do to people.
I'm trying to assess whether you're being truthful or not.
I would feel a lot more comfortable if I had a lawyer present.
We're not calling any fucking lawyers, do you understand me? I will cooperate.
- What can I do? - I'll tell you what you can do.
You can stay the hell away from Amanda Snodgrass.
There is nothing but trouble for you there.
I'm helping Amanda with her novel.
Pathetic.
You better stay off my fucking bad side.
I understand.
Good.
And I appreciate your cooperation, citizen.
It's time to go do the other mysteries that I have to work on.
Good day.
(SIGHS) (MUTTERS) Fuck no.
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) Let's do it.
Let's just do it.
What? Uh, okay.
Okay, this is cool.
(CLEARS THROAT) Baby? Guess what? I What? Oh, gross.
Hey! Did you go to the college and pretend to be a cop to Brian? Where did you hear something like that? From Brian.
He told me a cop named Willows came by asking about me.
It wasn't hard to figure out.
Okay, fine.
You got me.
Yeah.
I went over there to go inspect that son of a bitch to see what he was up to.
Are you out of your mind? You pulled a gun on him, Neal.
Okay, if he's telling you that, then he's telling a big lie 'cause I did not do that.
And all of this crazy shit, 'cause you're jealous now? Come on.
Don't get a big head.
No, I went over there because, yes, I did suspect him as being my shooter.
So, I wanted to check up on him, not because I'm jealous, but my assumptions were correct about him.
He doesn't have the contacts it takes to get you published.
He's just trying to fuck you.
Well, the Penguin Press are flying me to New York for a meeting, so you're wrong.
- You got the meeting? - Yes, I did.
Yup.
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
But I'm sure he's just setting the meeting so he can fuck you.
Stop it.
If you care so much about who I'm dating, then you tell me why you stopped talking to me after the shooting.
You think that you know me, okay, but you don't.
I've done some really terrible things.
Some really bad stuff.
And I was just trying to protect you.
Oh, my God, Neal.
You know what? You don't even need to bother.
I'm a big girl.
I've been dumped before.
You don't have to squeeze out some bullshit story for my benefit, okay? You know, uh, actually, this is this is for the best because we never would have worked out anyway if you think about it.
I mean, we were both just desperate and, um you're not even my type.
Well, you're not even my type either.
Okay.
I don't like it when girls have just landing strips.
I've always liked it more when girls have full-blown beavers.
Anybody who knows me knows that.
So, no matter how close we would have gotten, it would have only been so close 'cause you just don't have enough pubic hair.
(SNIFFLES) Okay.
- You're dismissed.
- See ya.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) "Reconstruction was one of the most difficult eras in US history.
The Civil War had reduced the South into a poverty-stricken backwater.
Who shut off the light? - (KNOCKING) - Economy in ruin, populous divided, many died, many more were wounded.
- (CLANGING) - (SCREAMING) Left with a broken nation, rebuilding what was destroyed would prove to be the hardest part.
Those who opposed the new regime instigated violence carried out by secret, sinister organizations.
" MILNER: Help! Help me! "A federal intervention was instituted " - Help me, somebody! - " to suppress the disruptive factions.
But it was followed by a deep, national economic depression that contributed to the growing frustration in both the North and the South.
My hands! Anybody! "Even amidst defeat, - the South refused to accept the inevitable.
" - Help! Help me! I think he was trying to break my fingers, but he couldn't.
- Who? Who did? - I don't know! It was too dark.
"They did all they could to defy the unstoppable tide of change, but it was too late.
A war had been fought.
They had lost, and history is written by the winners.
" I'd like to walk around in your mind someday I'd like to walk all over the things you say to me I'd like to run and jump on your solitude I'd like to rearrange your latitude to me I'd sing my songs And find out just what they mean to you But most of all I'd like you to be unaware And I'd just wander away Trailing palm leaves behind me So you don't even know that I've been there