Wellington Paranormal (2018) s02e03 Episode Script
Mt Vic Hooters
How many signs have you put up now, Minogue? Almost three.
So two? Yeah.
Well one, mainly.
Right.
Um, so, yeah, we've had noise complaints from the local residents for over 20 years so we've decided to take immediate action.
Lot of people have fun tooting in this tunnel, and we've decided to put a stop to that.
We'd recommend that you find other forms of road-based fun, like reporting traffic infringements.
Yeah.
At the New Zealand Police, we consider beeping your horn in the tunnel to be a nuisance to the people passing through it.
.
Tooting should be reserved for emergency situations or, potentially, you know, when you're politely saying goodbye to friends when you leave their house.
Or if there's somebody in front of you at the lights and they haven't realised the light's gone green, just give them a polite 'beep, beep'.
But not in the tunnel.
No.
I think the problem with the sign might be the word 'unnecessarily' at the end.
It's a very long word to try and read when you're driving.
to try and read when you're driving like that.
Probably just that.
Or Could be more succinct.
Or that.
Yeah.
You know? What was that? What was that? Did you hear that? It wasn't a car horn.
What was that? Minogue! Sorry, O'Leary! Looks like we've had somebody else come off one of these electric scooters.
Pretty common these days.
Are you OK? Sir, are you OK? Yeah, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
What happened? Guy came and knocked me over.
Yeah? Someone knocked you off? Yeah.
Can't see anybody else here, mate.
Looks like you just fell off, did you? No, a guy knocked me over.
Do you wanna-? It was a cop.
Where is he? A what? It was a cop.
A cop, OK.
Can you describe the cop? Like, an old-fashioned sort of a cop with a baton and, um He had a cape, and he's, like, had smoke coming off him and stuff and, like, a white beard.
Have you been drinking, sir? No.
Why not? Well, cos it's a Tuesday.
Are you sure you didn't just trip over your shoelace? Urn, no.
I think that would've come undone when I had the accident.
In the crash.
Right.
So, did he come from behind or Um from in front? l think from in front, yeah, cos that's how I managed to see him, cos I was like Yeah.
Right, yep.
'Yeah, there he- Look, here comes, like, an old-fashioned cop.
' Yep.
'That's pretty cool.
' And then- And how much did, How much does one of these cost? Um, I don't really wanna tell you, but it's, you know, it's- - Roughly - ballpark.
just a ballpark.
- What's-? Just a ballpark.
That's not got much to do with what we're- 'Scuse me, sir, we haven't finished with the report.
We need some more details - like your name! I mean, it looks pretty cool.
I mean, I've got mixed feelings about it.
Why did he just go? I mean, why's? I mean, it looks You're obsessed with this scooterwell, fairly cool.
'Scuse me, sir, if you could just stop right there.
You need to stop.
'Scuse me.
Stop right there, mate.
Thank you.
Stop, please! Stop.
That felt awful.
What was that? That felt horrible.
I knew that the tooting would have a link to the spirit world.
You're saying we unleashed some sort of entity because people stopped tooting their horns in the Mt Victoria Tunnel? Correct.
Now this entity is loose.
Well, give me a description.
What kind of notes did you take? We didn't get all the details for that; um, only that picture.
I've got an identikit picture of him.
So this is the assailant? No, no, no.
No, that's the witness.
OK.
So Cos he's on his scooter.
I - I need a description of the assailant.
We had, um, 'oldey-ti'- 'old-timey'.
Old-timey.
All right.
Um.
But he did also have a number on his on his cape thing that said '681'.
But he looked like- That's good.
That's useful.
That's useful.
Yeah.
All right.
That does look like an old-fashioned cop.
Can I have a look? That's what you saw? But he had- That is actually That is quite a good picture.
And he had smoke coming off him.
Do the smoke.
Anything else? We've pretty much given you Skanky.
He was skanky.
What? Skanky? We- Who said that? What does that say? 'Skofy', 'Scory'.
Scary.
He was scary.
Good, that's useful.
Kia or a.
Sergeant Maaka speaking.
OK, got it.
Yep.
OK, I'll send my best guys.
All right.
There's been reports of a commotion going down at an apartment building in Mt Cook.
The witnesses described as 'pale and scary, a bit like an old-fashioned policeman'.
So, we're here at an apartment building in Mt Cook.
Ironically, it used to actually be the old police station, a long time ago.
In our experience, when we knock on a door at a place where there's a ghost or some kind of possession, very rarely does the ghost come to the door and open it for you and let you in and ask you what the problem is, so we might have to look at, other alternatives.
I could probably fit through there.
Looks like the back door's been left open.
Hello.
Police! Shh, shh, shh! What?: Someone might hear you.
We want them to hear us, because we're the police.
Yeah, but you could be a bit more subtle about it, you know? just, 'Police.
' 'Police.
' That's not gonna work.
.
So, the door is actually slightly ajar here.
It looks suspicious, and no one's answering, so we're gonna go in.
Absolutely.
We wanna make sure that, everything's safe.
- Hello, Wellington Police! - Police.
I'm a little bit scared, O'Leary.
Where's the light switch? Here.
Do it again.
Is it on? No light.
I don't like it.
Can you smell it? Yes.
What is that? That's vile.
It's definitely supernatural.
Looks like a, student flat kitchen.
- What is that? - That is horrible.
Let's go.
Hello? - Hello? - Hi.
Can you please let us out? Hello.
Sorry.
Um, yep.
Look, we don't have a We don't have a key for this.
Are you with him? This is a really strange extension.
Was this already in here, or have you guys put this in here? No, this isn't- This isn't ours.
No? So it's not It's not normally part of this flat? No.
Hey, can we please get out? Why were you locked up? That old creepy cop guy just, like, dragged me in here and, like, locked us up.
OK.
I'm sure it wasn't a member of the Wellington police force, but, yeah, carry on.
Yeah.
Well, I just thought it was, like, an old guy - you know, like Dave's grandad or something, cos he always pops over.
Who's Dave? This is Dave.
Gidday, Dave.
Hi, Dave.
Anyway, he started, like, pointing at my clothes and stuff and calling me a 'dirty harlot'.
Like, do you know what that means? I've got a fair idea.
We do.
It's nothing.
I'm sure you're not one.
What do you mean by that? Well, you might be.
She might be.
I'm- Well, if you are, that's fine.
I don't even have an issue with it.
Is it, like, a bad thing, or-? It depends on who you are.
Depends on- Well, yeah.
Well, it's not me.
It's not something we condone.
Look, it's not me.
He dragged us, he put us in here, and now we're locked, and I've got cramps, so I'd really like to get out.
I feel uncomfortable.
You can get that looked at.
It's free for students.
It's- I don't have crabs; I've got cramp in my foot.
Even if you do, it's fine.
Probably- No, I don't have it.
We're not here to judge anyone.
I don't have it.
I don't have crabs.
OK, fine.
Great.
Is there anything else you can tell us about him, any other information? I think he's behind us, Minogue.
Permission not to turn around? Well, you don't need my permission for that, but we are gonna have to look, I'm afraid.
Copy that.
Visiting hours are over.
.
OK, look, you've illegally detained these people.
You're gonna have to come with us.
Yeah,you're under arrest, sir.
.
Aye? Hew Hey, you can't touch an officer like that! Call yourselves coppers? Those hats are absurd! 'Scuse me, now that's just a personal attack, all right? I think we look quite nice.
Don't fret, young laddie.
OK, I'm not fretting, and I'm not a young laddie; I'm a policewoman.
A policewoman?! Your comments are offensive, OK? You're being really rude.
Listen, the pair of you.
I'm gonna put Wellington back to the way it used to be.
It's like some kind of exhaust fume, you know? Ä°t's like a lorry drove through here.
Well, I mean, this is gonna be harder than we thought.
Obviously, in policing, you've gotta adapt to any situation, and this is quite an unusual one.
Yeah, bit of an issue that he's walking through walls as well.
Don't know what we're gonna do there, but we'll have to come up with a plan at some point down the track.
I mean, obviously, now our focus is to help these young people get out of this cell and make sure that they're feeling OK.
It's like a ghost cell.
But, yeah, obviously, the young people have been freed from their cell, so that's a good result for us.
We can further our investigation into the, the older gentleman.
See you guys.
Thanks.
Thank you.
'You're not washing the dishes properly.
You leave, um, 'food on the fork.
' Did Adam say that? I went into- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
My brother's always complaining that I don't wash the forks properly.
Personal attacks.
That's a personal attack.
To me, if there's any food left on the fork, it's cos he hasn't dried it properly and got that food off.
Now, that's on him.
The tea towel is a cleaning aid.
Absolutely, it is.
People who say that it's not, I disagree.
Yeah, I completely disagree.
That's what it's there for.
I mean, we could get personal, couldn't we, if we were unprofessional? That's right.
If we wanted to try and pick holes in that guy Exactly.
I mean, how easy would that be? 'You stink like exhaust fumes, mate.
' Completely unhealthy.
You know? Um 'You look like you you know, you're wearing a cape.
' Yeah.
I mean, who is he? Red Hiding Hood? What year is this? 1930? Well- It's not, and that's the point, cos he's a ghost.
I'm taking this really personally.
Me too.
I mean, now it's personal.
Yeah.
Before it was impersonal, but now Well, now he's insulted our hats, our ability to do our jobs So, you know what? It's beyond personal.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Well, what is beyond personal? Well, this is.
This is the only thing I've ever heard of that is beyond personal, and it is beyond personal.
Yeah.
I mean, what a cheek, havin' a go at our hats.
He talked about our hats.
He talked about you being a man.
being a rubbish police officer.
I mean, let's go back to the hats, though, for a minute.
Did you see his hat? I did see his hat, and it- And what did it look like? Let's be honest - bosom on a head.
Absolutely, it did.
God, I'm angry.
I'm livid.
You know what I am? Yeah, he was belittling us.
Ropeable.
What's going on? Absolutely ropeable.
We're ropeable, Sarge, OK? What happened? We have been in a very personal situation.
OK.
OK? We've been insulted.
Insulted.
We've been belittled.
Belittled.
We've been made fun of.
We've been mocked.
I'm not overstating it, am I? No, you are not.
Absolutely not.
We are both- 'Course I'm not.
No.
Livid.
Livid.
Fuming.
Furious.
I'm sorry to hear this.
Would you like me to arrange you a counselor? Nah.
It's just about the hats, really.
just about the hats.
I'd feel silly talking to a counselor about hats.
All right, so- She'd think I was totally blowing it out of proportion, all proportion.
OK, so, how-? Ridiculous.
I'd be laughed out of the room.
You been laughed at by a counselor? They're not allowed to laugh at you.
I know, but they do.
Happens to me all the time.
You should be furious! I am.
I-l am.
I'm internalising it.
Do you wanna see the counselor? Yeah, you should go to the counselor, get it off your chest.
Well, I will.
You must be furious.
lam.
Now that you're suggesting it, I-l am, but I've got something that might take your mind off being so livid.
I've got a update.
Does this guy look familiar to you? Yeah, that's the guy, Sarge.
Yeah, if it was a ghost version of that guy.
In life, he was Constable Bill Miller, Officer 681.
It says here that he died while on traffic duty in Mt Victoria Tunnel trying to issue tickets for tooting.
Must've been illegal back then.
Well, yes.
So long ago that he's past his use-by date now, so we have to take him right down.
Put him in the bin.
Take him down where? Out.
Take him out.
Take him down.
Take him out? Yeah, I dunno if that's a good idea.
Are we allowed to-? We're not allowed to do that.
No.
Are we? Nah.
OK, so Are you allowed to keep on being a cop if you're dead? Not- Is that compulsory? No, no, you don't.
No.
Is it optional? No.
It's not optional? Well- It's compulsory? Well, once you're dead, you're not employed any more, because you're dead.
But he's still being a cop.
Well well, he's a ghost.
I think that's part of the issue.
Yeah.
Well, it is part of the issue, so I'm wondering if I have to also be a ghost cop.
No, you-you're perfectly fine alive.
I'm just saying that if you- I know I'm fine alive Yeah.
but I'm wondering, when I die, do I have to be a ghost cop? I don't think so.
The labour laws have moved on? Either way, if you're physically not here in this world, you are no longer employed by us.
That's the point.
What if you wanted to still do good policing, even if you were dead? The p- We're digressing here, guys, actually.
We're digressing.
All right.
Bars have been closing down all across downtown Wellington.
They all correlate with his original beat at the area disturbances have been reported, so what I want you guys to do is race down to the next bar in line, which is this one right here.
The ghost cop is highly dangerous, because he's been threatening floggings and whippings to innocent members of the public.
OK? What's the difference between flogging and whipping? I imagine that flogging, involves a flog- Imagine? Whipping would be with a whip, right? It'd be with a whip.
We know whip.
We know whipping.
Yeah, but flogging's more one of those cat-of-nine-tails.
So what do you flog someone with? Cat-of-nine-tails? There's more tails that involved flogging.
What if he tries to flog or whip us? I think you try to avoid that.
What I'm saying is, though, if the two of you don't leave now? then I might just flog you.
OK, so, I'm not actually going to; I just want you to leave, please.
So, we're just outside the bar here, basically on the lookout for any unusual activity.
It's important we track this guy down.
Not only is he a danger to the public, but there's also a risk that he could make the Wellington Police look quite bad.
.
These days, we're highly qualified, and we've earnt the respect of our- you guys!of our, um of the local community.
Have a good night! I mean, obviously, that was He disrespected you guys there, and that's not OK Yeah.
um, but he was respectful to us, and, you know Obviously, if he was facing this way and he did that facing this way, that would've been disrespectful to us But very unlikely for that to happen.
but he did it directly to you guys - right down the camera.
It's a shame.
Stuffed my shoulder? What's that? My shoulder's stuffed.
I'm usually heaps, heaps, heaps better.
But what- My shoulder.
Must be when I shot myself with a Taser.
When did you shoot yourself with a Taser? When I was getting dressed.
At the gym, after I went for a swim.
People were freakin' out.
It's just a power cut.
I'm shutting down this establishment! for sly grogging! Can you use an inside voice, sir? Public houses must not be open after 6pm! No, that's not the law.
It hasn't been the law for quite some time.
Sir, this is a no-smoking establishment! Sir? Follow me.
You should look up the stairs.
I'm going up the stairs.
- Did you see where he went? - No.
Sir! Completely excessive noise, and now he's just gone.
O'Leary! What? He's out there.
Let's get our coats.
Get my hat? Yep.
- Come back, young man! - 'Scuse me! Sir! You're under arrest for harassing the public! No.
You're under arrest for impersonating a policeman, madam.
No.
No, you can't arrest us.
Yes, I can.
Truncheon.
It's one of the old-school ones, isn't it? Yeah, I recognise it.
We've got the batons.
See that? That's 90 years of, innovation.
See that? Telescopic.
Extendable.
Sometimes it's hard to put it back in.
Here, I'll do it.
Hang on.
You good? See that? Goes back in there - easy.
Hey! 'Scuse me! What are you doing? I'll show you my baton.
Aargh! Stop that! O'Leary! I'm not- I didn't- It wasn't me! Aargh! No, stop it! That's assault! Aargh! What-? - Did he hit you again? - It's repeated assault! He's getting you now.
He's making you look silly.
Yeah, well, look, one of us needs to get him.
He's making you look- Aargh! Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!! How d'you reckon that battle went? Well, it wasn't really even, was it? 60-40? That's pushing it.
.
O'Leary.
Minogue.
Sarge.
Where'd he go? He actually, um, went through this wall.
hence- That's why we've got the tape up here.
And we didn't need too much, cos he's just no wider than that, um, but, obviously, we couldn't follow him.
All right.
I tried, but it didn't Well, I think I know where he's going.
Now, he's to end his shift at the Botanical Gardens.
You guys head off, and I'll meet you there.
OK.
OK.
I have a plan.
Cool.
OK.
What's the plan? Tell you when I get there.
OK.
Um, Sergeant Maaka's asked us to meet him here.
He said he's got a plan.
Unfortunately, his plan didn't involve telling us where in the Botanical Gardens he was gonna be, so Come here, Minogue.
big area to cover.
So, we've just completed an extensive search of the, scary path.
There's absolutely no ghost cops, so we're probably gonna make our way back over to, those lights over there.
It wasn't entirely thorough, but No.
Well, I don't really like ghosts.
I don't even like eating cauliflower.
It sort of reminds me of ghost broccoli.
It's that whistle.
It's down here.
No, no.
Minogue, the cable car! It'll be faster.
Pretty much any other way of coming down the hill would've been faster than this, um, but we made the call, didn't we? And now we've gotta live with it.
We did.
That's right.
You know, in hindsight, yeah, this might not have been the best, um, choice for pursuit vehicle but we we're gonna stick with it.
Look.
Is that flickering? Yeah.
Something's going on in that cable car.
You can hardly see through it.
Can you see anything? O'Leary! What? Why are the lights out, Nigel? Why are the lights out? Look, it's him.
I know it's him.
'Scuse me, sir! 'Scuse me, sir.
Sir! Sir? We'll turn- Ask the driver- Now it's going.
Get him, O'Leary! Get him! You need to get off the cable car! I've got questions I need to ask you.
We'll change the direction, O'Leary! I'm commandeering this vehicle on behalf of the New Zealand police force.
We need you to turn this round right now and head back up the hill.
We're on a cable.
We have to go down, then come back up again.
.
This young woman probably wants to get home.
Yeah.
It's gonna be a bit of a wait.
You guys could just cut that bit out, make it seem like we were here the whole time? Yeah, make it seem more efficient.
Where's it coming from, Minogue? That way.
bag of dog do.
What are you doing? Put away your ghost cuffs, please, sir! Yeah, OK, false imprisonment is against the law in New Zealand - and for that matter, against the law in most other countries, actually.
Well, well.
If it isn't the woman policeman and her shady sidekick.
As I've already said, the official term is 'police officer', and there's been female officers in New Zealand since 1941.
We're an equal team.
Ha! Correct.
I'm gonna put you two back in your place.
OK, do you know what? I completely disagree with you.
OK? I am a female police officer, and I do a fine job.
And for your information, I think Minogue's hat looks great, and your hat, in fact, looks like mammary-like.
Although it does offer more protection, doesn't it, that one? Oi! Is that your plan? That bell? Yup.
I've read up on antiquated laws, and right up to 1980, malicious bell-ringing was illegal in New Zealand! You can't do that! I'm arresting you for malicious bell-ringing! Ooh! I'm ringing this bell maliciously! I'm doin' it! Hey, guys! Think of some laws that were illegal back in 1930! I'm an advocate for homosexual rights! So loud! And so malicious! You're So malicious! You'll keep! At this hour! Aargh! Follow me in the car, guys! This is the plan! What's the plan? Basically, what he's done is said there was a plan and then proceeded to leave without telling us what the actual plan was.
It's very hard to, follow a plan when you don't know what a plan is.
.
Um, we'll probably just go back to the police vehicle now and try and, work out what the plan is from there.
Um, shouldn't be too hard to catch up with them.
Why is there that half-bag of chippies in the car? Well, you've spoiled your birthday present.
What? My birthday was two months ago.
And what do you mean half a bag of chippies? Well, I was gonna put them in a bowl.
You would never have known.
There they are.
Parkour! Hey, Sarge, you didn't tell us the plan! Parkour! Hey, ghost cop! What was the speed limit in 1930? We're gonna go 15! What? Going 15 now! 15.
PANTS: Parkour.
Marginally faster! Probably shouldn't have raced ahead.
Why net? Well, cos now we've lost him.
Yeah, but this is what happens when you don't share a plan, isn't it? I mean, he can't have got too far.
That's him.
There he is.
Might need our assistance.
Looks like he's in trouble.
Suspect on foot.
Suspect on foot.
Come on, officer! Sarge! Hey- guys.
What's the plan, Sarge? Change H! Choose the what? Change the sign! Change the sign? Change the sign! Silly hat! Aargh! Impersonating a police officer! Stupid hats! Quickly, Minogue! Minogue! The malicious bell-ringer.
I have you! We're We're What Sarge is trying to say is- Wh-What are you trying to say? We're really- We're cops! We're We're We're all cops here.
But But the thing is you can no longer arrest people.
You're not a police officer any more! What d'you mean? I'm a copper.
It's what I've always wanted.
I understand, and we all want the same thing.
OK, so, here's what's gonna happen.
Constable Miller, I hereby place you in charge of this tunnel.
Excellent.
OK.
But but you have to do it invisibly and silently.
You cannot go distracting drivers with your car-exhaust 1930s outfit, all right? No whistle? No whistle.
All right.
Dismissed.
Thank you, Sarge.
Is he gonna disappear? He's disappeared.
OK.
So, we have removed the no-tooting ban from the Mt Victoria Tunnel.
Once again, the Wellington Police have come up with a perfect solution to the problem.
That's right - by removing the solution we had to another problem.
But that doesn't matter.
The fact that if we hadn't put that sign up in the first place none of this would've happened is irrelevant.
What matters is that we've identified the problem.
.
That we caused.
And, we've caught the menacing ghost.
Who was actually also a police officer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But not a very nice police officer.
No.
Job well done.
Good result.
So two? Yeah.
Well one, mainly.
Right.
Um, so, yeah, we've had noise complaints from the local residents for over 20 years so we've decided to take immediate action.
Lot of people have fun tooting in this tunnel, and we've decided to put a stop to that.
We'd recommend that you find other forms of road-based fun, like reporting traffic infringements.
Yeah.
At the New Zealand Police, we consider beeping your horn in the tunnel to be a nuisance to the people passing through it.
.
Tooting should be reserved for emergency situations or, potentially, you know, when you're politely saying goodbye to friends when you leave their house.
Or if there's somebody in front of you at the lights and they haven't realised the light's gone green, just give them a polite 'beep, beep'.
But not in the tunnel.
No.
I think the problem with the sign might be the word 'unnecessarily' at the end.
It's a very long word to try and read when you're driving.
to try and read when you're driving like that.
Probably just that.
Or Could be more succinct.
Or that.
Yeah.
You know? What was that? What was that? Did you hear that? It wasn't a car horn.
What was that? Minogue! Sorry, O'Leary! Looks like we've had somebody else come off one of these electric scooters.
Pretty common these days.
Are you OK? Sir, are you OK? Yeah, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
What happened? Guy came and knocked me over.
Yeah? Someone knocked you off? Yeah.
Can't see anybody else here, mate.
Looks like you just fell off, did you? No, a guy knocked me over.
Do you wanna-? It was a cop.
Where is he? A what? It was a cop.
A cop, OK.
Can you describe the cop? Like, an old-fashioned sort of a cop with a baton and, um He had a cape, and he's, like, had smoke coming off him and stuff and, like, a white beard.
Have you been drinking, sir? No.
Why not? Well, cos it's a Tuesday.
Are you sure you didn't just trip over your shoelace? Urn, no.
I think that would've come undone when I had the accident.
In the crash.
Right.
So, did he come from behind or Um from in front? l think from in front, yeah, cos that's how I managed to see him, cos I was like Yeah.
Right, yep.
'Yeah, there he- Look, here comes, like, an old-fashioned cop.
' Yep.
'That's pretty cool.
' And then- And how much did, How much does one of these cost? Um, I don't really wanna tell you, but it's, you know, it's- - Roughly - ballpark.
just a ballpark.
- What's-? Just a ballpark.
That's not got much to do with what we're- 'Scuse me, sir, we haven't finished with the report.
We need some more details - like your name! I mean, it looks pretty cool.
I mean, I've got mixed feelings about it.
Why did he just go? I mean, why's? I mean, it looks You're obsessed with this scooterwell, fairly cool.
'Scuse me, sir, if you could just stop right there.
You need to stop.
'Scuse me.
Stop right there, mate.
Thank you.
Stop, please! Stop.
That felt awful.
What was that? That felt horrible.
I knew that the tooting would have a link to the spirit world.
You're saying we unleashed some sort of entity because people stopped tooting their horns in the Mt Victoria Tunnel? Correct.
Now this entity is loose.
Well, give me a description.
What kind of notes did you take? We didn't get all the details for that; um, only that picture.
I've got an identikit picture of him.
So this is the assailant? No, no, no.
No, that's the witness.
OK.
So Cos he's on his scooter.
I - I need a description of the assailant.
We had, um, 'oldey-ti'- 'old-timey'.
Old-timey.
All right.
Um.
But he did also have a number on his on his cape thing that said '681'.
But he looked like- That's good.
That's useful.
That's useful.
Yeah.
All right.
That does look like an old-fashioned cop.
Can I have a look? That's what you saw? But he had- That is actually That is quite a good picture.
And he had smoke coming off him.
Do the smoke.
Anything else? We've pretty much given you Skanky.
He was skanky.
What? Skanky? We- Who said that? What does that say? 'Skofy', 'Scory'.
Scary.
He was scary.
Good, that's useful.
Kia or a.
Sergeant Maaka speaking.
OK, got it.
Yep.
OK, I'll send my best guys.
All right.
There's been reports of a commotion going down at an apartment building in Mt Cook.
The witnesses described as 'pale and scary, a bit like an old-fashioned policeman'.
So, we're here at an apartment building in Mt Cook.
Ironically, it used to actually be the old police station, a long time ago.
In our experience, when we knock on a door at a place where there's a ghost or some kind of possession, very rarely does the ghost come to the door and open it for you and let you in and ask you what the problem is, so we might have to look at, other alternatives.
I could probably fit through there.
Looks like the back door's been left open.
Hello.
Police! Shh, shh, shh! What?: Someone might hear you.
We want them to hear us, because we're the police.
Yeah, but you could be a bit more subtle about it, you know? just, 'Police.
' 'Police.
' That's not gonna work.
.
So, the door is actually slightly ajar here.
It looks suspicious, and no one's answering, so we're gonna go in.
Absolutely.
We wanna make sure that, everything's safe.
- Hello, Wellington Police! - Police.
I'm a little bit scared, O'Leary.
Where's the light switch? Here.
Do it again.
Is it on? No light.
I don't like it.
Can you smell it? Yes.
What is that? That's vile.
It's definitely supernatural.
Looks like a, student flat kitchen.
- What is that? - That is horrible.
Let's go.
Hello? - Hello? - Hi.
Can you please let us out? Hello.
Sorry.
Um, yep.
Look, we don't have a We don't have a key for this.
Are you with him? This is a really strange extension.
Was this already in here, or have you guys put this in here? No, this isn't- This isn't ours.
No? So it's not It's not normally part of this flat? No.
Hey, can we please get out? Why were you locked up? That old creepy cop guy just, like, dragged me in here and, like, locked us up.
OK.
I'm sure it wasn't a member of the Wellington police force, but, yeah, carry on.
Yeah.
Well, I just thought it was, like, an old guy - you know, like Dave's grandad or something, cos he always pops over.
Who's Dave? This is Dave.
Gidday, Dave.
Hi, Dave.
Anyway, he started, like, pointing at my clothes and stuff and calling me a 'dirty harlot'.
Like, do you know what that means? I've got a fair idea.
We do.
It's nothing.
I'm sure you're not one.
What do you mean by that? Well, you might be.
She might be.
I'm- Well, if you are, that's fine.
I don't even have an issue with it.
Is it, like, a bad thing, or-? It depends on who you are.
Depends on- Well, yeah.
Well, it's not me.
It's not something we condone.
Look, it's not me.
He dragged us, he put us in here, and now we're locked, and I've got cramps, so I'd really like to get out.
I feel uncomfortable.
You can get that looked at.
It's free for students.
It's- I don't have crabs; I've got cramp in my foot.
Even if you do, it's fine.
Probably- No, I don't have it.
We're not here to judge anyone.
I don't have it.
I don't have crabs.
OK, fine.
Great.
Is there anything else you can tell us about him, any other information? I think he's behind us, Minogue.
Permission not to turn around? Well, you don't need my permission for that, but we are gonna have to look, I'm afraid.
Copy that.
Visiting hours are over.
.
OK, look, you've illegally detained these people.
You're gonna have to come with us.
Yeah,you're under arrest, sir.
.
Aye? Hew Hey, you can't touch an officer like that! Call yourselves coppers? Those hats are absurd! 'Scuse me, now that's just a personal attack, all right? I think we look quite nice.
Don't fret, young laddie.
OK, I'm not fretting, and I'm not a young laddie; I'm a policewoman.
A policewoman?! Your comments are offensive, OK? You're being really rude.
Listen, the pair of you.
I'm gonna put Wellington back to the way it used to be.
It's like some kind of exhaust fume, you know? Ä°t's like a lorry drove through here.
Well, I mean, this is gonna be harder than we thought.
Obviously, in policing, you've gotta adapt to any situation, and this is quite an unusual one.
Yeah, bit of an issue that he's walking through walls as well.
Don't know what we're gonna do there, but we'll have to come up with a plan at some point down the track.
I mean, obviously, now our focus is to help these young people get out of this cell and make sure that they're feeling OK.
It's like a ghost cell.
But, yeah, obviously, the young people have been freed from their cell, so that's a good result for us.
We can further our investigation into the, the older gentleman.
See you guys.
Thanks.
Thank you.
'You're not washing the dishes properly.
You leave, um, 'food on the fork.
' Did Adam say that? I went into- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
My brother's always complaining that I don't wash the forks properly.
Personal attacks.
That's a personal attack.
To me, if there's any food left on the fork, it's cos he hasn't dried it properly and got that food off.
Now, that's on him.
The tea towel is a cleaning aid.
Absolutely, it is.
People who say that it's not, I disagree.
Yeah, I completely disagree.
That's what it's there for.
I mean, we could get personal, couldn't we, if we were unprofessional? That's right.
If we wanted to try and pick holes in that guy Exactly.
I mean, how easy would that be? 'You stink like exhaust fumes, mate.
' Completely unhealthy.
You know? Um 'You look like you you know, you're wearing a cape.
' Yeah.
I mean, who is he? Red Hiding Hood? What year is this? 1930? Well- It's not, and that's the point, cos he's a ghost.
I'm taking this really personally.
Me too.
I mean, now it's personal.
Yeah.
Before it was impersonal, but now Well, now he's insulted our hats, our ability to do our jobs So, you know what? It's beyond personal.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Well, what is beyond personal? Well, this is.
This is the only thing I've ever heard of that is beyond personal, and it is beyond personal.
Yeah.
I mean, what a cheek, havin' a go at our hats.
He talked about our hats.
He talked about you being a man.
being a rubbish police officer.
I mean, let's go back to the hats, though, for a minute.
Did you see his hat? I did see his hat, and it- And what did it look like? Let's be honest - bosom on a head.
Absolutely, it did.
God, I'm angry.
I'm livid.
You know what I am? Yeah, he was belittling us.
Ropeable.
What's going on? Absolutely ropeable.
We're ropeable, Sarge, OK? What happened? We have been in a very personal situation.
OK.
OK? We've been insulted.
Insulted.
We've been belittled.
Belittled.
We've been made fun of.
We've been mocked.
I'm not overstating it, am I? No, you are not.
Absolutely not.
We are both- 'Course I'm not.
No.
Livid.
Livid.
Fuming.
Furious.
I'm sorry to hear this.
Would you like me to arrange you a counselor? Nah.
It's just about the hats, really.
just about the hats.
I'd feel silly talking to a counselor about hats.
All right, so- She'd think I was totally blowing it out of proportion, all proportion.
OK, so, how-? Ridiculous.
I'd be laughed out of the room.
You been laughed at by a counselor? They're not allowed to laugh at you.
I know, but they do.
Happens to me all the time.
You should be furious! I am.
I-l am.
I'm internalising it.
Do you wanna see the counselor? Yeah, you should go to the counselor, get it off your chest.
Well, I will.
You must be furious.
lam.
Now that you're suggesting it, I-l am, but I've got something that might take your mind off being so livid.
I've got a update.
Does this guy look familiar to you? Yeah, that's the guy, Sarge.
Yeah, if it was a ghost version of that guy.
In life, he was Constable Bill Miller, Officer 681.
It says here that he died while on traffic duty in Mt Victoria Tunnel trying to issue tickets for tooting.
Must've been illegal back then.
Well, yes.
So long ago that he's past his use-by date now, so we have to take him right down.
Put him in the bin.
Take him down where? Out.
Take him out.
Take him down.
Take him out? Yeah, I dunno if that's a good idea.
Are we allowed to-? We're not allowed to do that.
No.
Are we? Nah.
OK, so Are you allowed to keep on being a cop if you're dead? Not- Is that compulsory? No, no, you don't.
No.
Is it optional? No.
It's not optional? Well- It's compulsory? Well, once you're dead, you're not employed any more, because you're dead.
But he's still being a cop.
Well well, he's a ghost.
I think that's part of the issue.
Yeah.
Well, it is part of the issue, so I'm wondering if I have to also be a ghost cop.
No, you-you're perfectly fine alive.
I'm just saying that if you- I know I'm fine alive Yeah.
but I'm wondering, when I die, do I have to be a ghost cop? I don't think so.
The labour laws have moved on? Either way, if you're physically not here in this world, you are no longer employed by us.
That's the point.
What if you wanted to still do good policing, even if you were dead? The p- We're digressing here, guys, actually.
We're digressing.
All right.
Bars have been closing down all across downtown Wellington.
They all correlate with his original beat at the area disturbances have been reported, so what I want you guys to do is race down to the next bar in line, which is this one right here.
The ghost cop is highly dangerous, because he's been threatening floggings and whippings to innocent members of the public.
OK? What's the difference between flogging and whipping? I imagine that flogging, involves a flog- Imagine? Whipping would be with a whip, right? It'd be with a whip.
We know whip.
We know whipping.
Yeah, but flogging's more one of those cat-of-nine-tails.
So what do you flog someone with? Cat-of-nine-tails? There's more tails that involved flogging.
What if he tries to flog or whip us? I think you try to avoid that.
What I'm saying is, though, if the two of you don't leave now? then I might just flog you.
OK, so, I'm not actually going to; I just want you to leave, please.
So, we're just outside the bar here, basically on the lookout for any unusual activity.
It's important we track this guy down.
Not only is he a danger to the public, but there's also a risk that he could make the Wellington Police look quite bad.
.
These days, we're highly qualified, and we've earnt the respect of our- you guys!of our, um of the local community.
Have a good night! I mean, obviously, that was He disrespected you guys there, and that's not OK Yeah.
um, but he was respectful to us, and, you know Obviously, if he was facing this way and he did that facing this way, that would've been disrespectful to us But very unlikely for that to happen.
but he did it directly to you guys - right down the camera.
It's a shame.
Stuffed my shoulder? What's that? My shoulder's stuffed.
I'm usually heaps, heaps, heaps better.
But what- My shoulder.
Must be when I shot myself with a Taser.
When did you shoot yourself with a Taser? When I was getting dressed.
At the gym, after I went for a swim.
People were freakin' out.
It's just a power cut.
I'm shutting down this establishment! for sly grogging! Can you use an inside voice, sir? Public houses must not be open after 6pm! No, that's not the law.
It hasn't been the law for quite some time.
Sir, this is a no-smoking establishment! Sir? Follow me.
You should look up the stairs.
I'm going up the stairs.
- Did you see where he went? - No.
Sir! Completely excessive noise, and now he's just gone.
O'Leary! What? He's out there.
Let's get our coats.
Get my hat? Yep.
- Come back, young man! - 'Scuse me! Sir! You're under arrest for harassing the public! No.
You're under arrest for impersonating a policeman, madam.
No.
No, you can't arrest us.
Yes, I can.
Truncheon.
It's one of the old-school ones, isn't it? Yeah, I recognise it.
We've got the batons.
See that? That's 90 years of, innovation.
See that? Telescopic.
Extendable.
Sometimes it's hard to put it back in.
Here, I'll do it.
Hang on.
You good? See that? Goes back in there - easy.
Hey! 'Scuse me! What are you doing? I'll show you my baton.
Aargh! Stop that! O'Leary! I'm not- I didn't- It wasn't me! Aargh! No, stop it! That's assault! Aargh! What-? - Did he hit you again? - It's repeated assault! He's getting you now.
He's making you look silly.
Yeah, well, look, one of us needs to get him.
He's making you look- Aargh! Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!! How d'you reckon that battle went? Well, it wasn't really even, was it? 60-40? That's pushing it.
.
O'Leary.
Minogue.
Sarge.
Where'd he go? He actually, um, went through this wall.
hence- That's why we've got the tape up here.
And we didn't need too much, cos he's just no wider than that, um, but, obviously, we couldn't follow him.
All right.
I tried, but it didn't Well, I think I know where he's going.
Now, he's to end his shift at the Botanical Gardens.
You guys head off, and I'll meet you there.
OK.
OK.
I have a plan.
Cool.
OK.
What's the plan? Tell you when I get there.
OK.
Um, Sergeant Maaka's asked us to meet him here.
He said he's got a plan.
Unfortunately, his plan didn't involve telling us where in the Botanical Gardens he was gonna be, so Come here, Minogue.
big area to cover.
So, we've just completed an extensive search of the, scary path.
There's absolutely no ghost cops, so we're probably gonna make our way back over to, those lights over there.
It wasn't entirely thorough, but No.
Well, I don't really like ghosts.
I don't even like eating cauliflower.
It sort of reminds me of ghost broccoli.
It's that whistle.
It's down here.
No, no.
Minogue, the cable car! It'll be faster.
Pretty much any other way of coming down the hill would've been faster than this, um, but we made the call, didn't we? And now we've gotta live with it.
We did.
That's right.
You know, in hindsight, yeah, this might not have been the best, um, choice for pursuit vehicle but we we're gonna stick with it.
Look.
Is that flickering? Yeah.
Something's going on in that cable car.
You can hardly see through it.
Can you see anything? O'Leary! What? Why are the lights out, Nigel? Why are the lights out? Look, it's him.
I know it's him.
'Scuse me, sir! 'Scuse me, sir.
Sir! Sir? We'll turn- Ask the driver- Now it's going.
Get him, O'Leary! Get him! You need to get off the cable car! I've got questions I need to ask you.
We'll change the direction, O'Leary! I'm commandeering this vehicle on behalf of the New Zealand police force.
We need you to turn this round right now and head back up the hill.
We're on a cable.
We have to go down, then come back up again.
.
This young woman probably wants to get home.
Yeah.
It's gonna be a bit of a wait.
You guys could just cut that bit out, make it seem like we were here the whole time? Yeah, make it seem more efficient.
Where's it coming from, Minogue? That way.
bag of dog do.
What are you doing? Put away your ghost cuffs, please, sir! Yeah, OK, false imprisonment is against the law in New Zealand - and for that matter, against the law in most other countries, actually.
Well, well.
If it isn't the woman policeman and her shady sidekick.
As I've already said, the official term is 'police officer', and there's been female officers in New Zealand since 1941.
We're an equal team.
Ha! Correct.
I'm gonna put you two back in your place.
OK, do you know what? I completely disagree with you.
OK? I am a female police officer, and I do a fine job.
And for your information, I think Minogue's hat looks great, and your hat, in fact, looks like mammary-like.
Although it does offer more protection, doesn't it, that one? Oi! Is that your plan? That bell? Yup.
I've read up on antiquated laws, and right up to 1980, malicious bell-ringing was illegal in New Zealand! You can't do that! I'm arresting you for malicious bell-ringing! Ooh! I'm ringing this bell maliciously! I'm doin' it! Hey, guys! Think of some laws that were illegal back in 1930! I'm an advocate for homosexual rights! So loud! And so malicious! You're So malicious! You'll keep! At this hour! Aargh! Follow me in the car, guys! This is the plan! What's the plan? Basically, what he's done is said there was a plan and then proceeded to leave without telling us what the actual plan was.
It's very hard to, follow a plan when you don't know what a plan is.
.
Um, we'll probably just go back to the police vehicle now and try and, work out what the plan is from there.
Um, shouldn't be too hard to catch up with them.
Why is there that half-bag of chippies in the car? Well, you've spoiled your birthday present.
What? My birthday was two months ago.
And what do you mean half a bag of chippies? Well, I was gonna put them in a bowl.
You would never have known.
There they are.
Parkour! Hey, Sarge, you didn't tell us the plan! Parkour! Hey, ghost cop! What was the speed limit in 1930? We're gonna go 15! What? Going 15 now! 15.
PANTS: Parkour.
Marginally faster! Probably shouldn't have raced ahead.
Why net? Well, cos now we've lost him.
Yeah, but this is what happens when you don't share a plan, isn't it? I mean, he can't have got too far.
That's him.
There he is.
Might need our assistance.
Looks like he's in trouble.
Suspect on foot.
Suspect on foot.
Come on, officer! Sarge! Hey- guys.
What's the plan, Sarge? Change H! Choose the what? Change the sign! Change the sign? Change the sign! Silly hat! Aargh! Impersonating a police officer! Stupid hats! Quickly, Minogue! Minogue! The malicious bell-ringer.
I have you! We're We're What Sarge is trying to say is- Wh-What are you trying to say? We're really- We're cops! We're We're We're all cops here.
But But the thing is you can no longer arrest people.
You're not a police officer any more! What d'you mean? I'm a copper.
It's what I've always wanted.
I understand, and we all want the same thing.
OK, so, here's what's gonna happen.
Constable Miller, I hereby place you in charge of this tunnel.
Excellent.
OK.
But but you have to do it invisibly and silently.
You cannot go distracting drivers with your car-exhaust 1930s outfit, all right? No whistle? No whistle.
All right.
Dismissed.
Thank you, Sarge.
Is he gonna disappear? He's disappeared.
OK.
So, we have removed the no-tooting ban from the Mt Victoria Tunnel.
Once again, the Wellington Police have come up with a perfect solution to the problem.
That's right - by removing the solution we had to another problem.
But that doesn't matter.
The fact that if we hadn't put that sign up in the first place none of this would've happened is irrelevant.
What matters is that we've identified the problem.
.
That we caused.
And, we've caught the menacing ghost.
Who was actually also a police officer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But not a very nice police officer.
No.
Job well done.
Good result.