Workin' Moms (2017) s02e03 Episode Script

1 ANNIE: Previously, on "Workin' Moms:" - You want this, right? - Yes.
KATE: I went to a job interview.
Oh, I'm sorry, are you married? No, I don't believe in marriage.
Well, I do, um, well, I'm engaged, 'cause that's sexy.
- Are you quitting Gaze? - I was hoping to work at both.
Okay, wow.
This feels like deja vu.
Hey, when are we gonna sex in your new office? As soon as I get the keys.
Leaving us, then? It's time I focus on my family.
KATE: So, Nathan wants me to try it, but I'm like, no way, never.
And really? What's the point? No one can climax from anal.
Well, no one can climax from receiving anal.
Hello, gay dudes? You're saying both sides of that sandwich are gettin' there? No way! Uh, who here has climaxed from taking anal? - [CLEAR THEIR THROATS.]
- I have.
Once.
Anne, for real? [SCOFFS.]
Man, you think you know someone's butt.
I can't be the only one who doesn't allow entry through the exit.
[LAUGHS.]
Jade? I totally have done butt stuff.
- You're kidding me! - Never to climax, though.
I'll take the half-point.
Ian? Ian! I'm in a pit of lions here, man, come on, give it to me.
Yes, Ian, do tell us about your anal explorations, - and don't hold back.
- Oh.
Well, I-well, I guess I get nervous about the whole poop thing? Yes! Okay! Now I know I'm not alone, Alicia, when I say that the butt is a no-fly zone.
Come on, girl.
Don't even.
I like to keep my husband satisfied.
[IAN AND JADE LAUGH.]
All right, fine, I'll try anal.
This feels like the right moment to admit that, as a Catholic, I gave my rear up to the Mountie, back in our high school days.
- You were one of those? - Oh yeah, mhmm.
Any hole but the holy hole.
And you'll be diggin' it You'll dig it anywhere 'Cause I got me and I got you Douchebag.
Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey [LOW DRONE OF MAN'S VOICE.]
MAN: Breathe them away.
Feeling energized, and refreshed.
One, two, three - [KNOCKING.]
- MAN: Delivery! - Sign here.
- All right.
[PEN RASPS.]
- Thanks so much.
- Thanks.
[DOOR CREEKS SHUT.]
"There's no killing a cactus, so good luck at your practice.
" BRAD: Okay, good work today, good progress.
We'll kick that habit in no time.
See you next week.
No fucking way! [DOOR SHUTS.]
[FIDDLE MUSIC PLAYS.]
- Is that uh, Riverdance? - [LAUGHS.]
I'll go talk to them again! It's okay, it's 8 a.
m.
, right? We're all up, anyway.
I bet ya it's a leprechaun convention.
Aunt Frankie, stop! There's gonna be dancing, chocolate, and - A rainbow? - A double rainbow.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Hey, why don't you go get dressed? - Aw! - Aw! And brush your teeth.
- Uh uh! Nyahh! - Nyaaah! [SIGHS.]
I appreciate how great you are with her.
- Thanks for letting me crash.
- Of course.
It's not often I get to be the brother who saves the day.
[SMALL CHUCKLES.]
- Ah.
Waffle? - Yeah, sure.
So, how long you staying? No presh.
Uh, I don't know, a couple weeks? Just until Rhoda and I find a place.
I just miss her so damn much.
I don't know, I don't want her to, like forget me.
Francis Jean, you need to stop worrying about Rhoda, and live a little.
If I had a part-time kid, - I'd be out every night I could! - [CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
[CHARLIE COOS.]
Look at you, dressed for success.
Aw.
Thanks, babe.
Yeah, pitchin' a company today, and there's this new hawk-eyed girl who's always watching me, just waiting for some kind of misstep and then boom, I'm on my back, and she's eating my intestines.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Have you spoken to your Mom recently? You should really keep an eye on her.
- Yeah, I know.
- Statistically, once one of 'em goes, it's only a matter of time - before the other one.
- What are you eating? - Just some bread.
- I'm making you a sandwich here.
It wasn't even done toasting, are you really such an animal you can't wait to eat warm bread? I could make an open faced one.
I'm making you a breakfast BLT, Nathan.
Crispy, salty, crunchy, it requires multiple slices of bread! I swear if you touch that bacon Kate, put the knife down! What? Oh for god's sake, I'm not gonna stab you.
Embarrassing.
Mommy's cuckoo.
KATE: Hey, I heard that! [KNOCKING.]
You're kidding me.
B-Brad, what are you doing here? - This is [CHUCKLES.]
- I guess we're neighbours.
This is like grad school all over again.
Well, you've still got it, Anne.
What? Me? No! Shut the fuck up.
I mean thanks.
You still doing those celebrity yoga workouts? Oh my god, no, I do not work out to that anymore.
Well, that's good, you don't wanna stay in the same pattern - when you can progress.
- Totally, yes, that's why I took my practice out of my house, and into this space.
This place is amazing.
Yeah, it is.
Uh, it's-sorry, it's just a little messy, I It doesn't look messy to me.
Yeah, no, it's not messy at all.
My god, you have not changed at all.
Hmm! Anyway, I just came to say hi to the newbie, but I guess we're well beyond that, aren't we? Hmm.
Wow, oh my god.
I love orchids.
Oh yeah, that's right, we had them at our wedding, didn't we? It's funny, you know, they're parasites.
Actually, that's a common misconception.
Anyways, I have another client, otherwise I would say, let's grab a drink, or Well, I will see ya around.
Yeah.
You will see me all around.
[DOOR CREAKS, CLICKS SHUT.]
[WATER RUSHES IN THE SHOWERS.]
Oh! Nice bathing costume.
Toke? [SIGHS.]
Are you allowed to smoke in here? You're probably not.
I have a prescription.
I come here every week to take in the sights, but I haven't seen you here.
Yeah, I'm new.
[COUGHS.]
Yeah, I'm embracing life by any means necessary.
Step one, get those endorphins flowin'.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
- Frankie, by the way.
- Dorothy.
Listen, I have a massage across town.
Why don't you come by some time for some ah, champagne and a soak? Yeah, all right.
[CLICKS PEN.]
Word to the wise, it can be quite the scene around here.
Girl could get her heart broken if she's not careful.
My advice, take it slow.
Hey, this is not your number! That's my address.
Be there by four.
Strut! Uh-uh! RICHARD: Okay Lucy, show us some of that magic.
Yes.
All right.
Saxon Field Snowboards, they are for the kind of guy who wants to experience the nostalgia of the early days of boarding, because he didn't get to.
He's second-generation.
Um, Lucy, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've been doing some research, and the majority of men actually buying Saxon Field boards, are actually young Gen X-ers.
They're the kinda guy that got in at the ground floor of snowboard culture, and now they're taking their kid out on the slopes for the first time.
- Marketing Mom strikes again.
- Wow! Well, actually, no, not all the numbers support that.
Hmm? Actually, it's true, guys, because most of the sales are on bundles of adult and junior boards together.
Well, that's just it, right, it's not about some imitator, some young punk tryin' to like, shred some gnar, it's about the OG.
That old guy who's now taking his kid out, trying to show what he once was on those slopes.
He's passing on the legend of his own youth.
- Exactly.
- She's right.
It would be great if you could join us at the pitch today.
Well, uh Can you make it? 4:00? Well, uh, I can't.
I'd love to, but look, just tweak the uh-the pitch, and the artwork, and you should be fine.
Right, Lucy? Oh yes.
We got it.
But I have to pick my kid up, so [LOUD ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Ah-ah! Ah-ah-ah! Almost got it.
Mm! Mm! I can't even - where is the beat? Unhhh! Huh-oh! [SQUEALS.]
INSTRUCTOR: Come on, ladies! Jump, jump, jump on it jump on it and ride INSTRUCTOR: Arms up, and reach! Reach for the gold! Jump, jump, jump on it Jump on it and ride She's a sexy lady INSTRUCTOR: And breathe.
Now back to rest.
[ALL CLAPPING.]
Please, your back muscles are straight out of a comic book, lady.
So hot! Lovin' it! [SPLASHING.]
She's gonna satisfy ya And keep you comin' for more.
Yeah.
She keeps her energy burnin' inside you [WATER RUSHES, WOMEN CHATTER.]
[WATER RUSHES.]
Uh Hi? [GASPS.]
I'm feelin' lucky L-l-l-l-lucky L-l-l-lucky [GASPS.]
Ah! Do I know you? Ohh! [GASPS.]
Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, wow, Kate, you're very prompt.
Everyone, this is Kate, she's our new creative consultant.
Kate, this is Mams and Juliana.
Oh, okay.
- Hi.
- Hey, hey, man.
- Yeah, I love your vibe.
- Oh, thanks, man, lovin' your whole thang.
It's so much fun, like a carnival-oh? Okay.
I'm gonna have to, I'm going to need these two for Yeah, oh, see, now why doesn't my hair do that? This chick is brave.
Actually Kate, Juliana identifies as non-binary.
Oh, so you don't swim? Hey, no shame in that, man.
Actually, I don't identify as either a male or female.
Badass.
Very cool.
I didn't know we were allowed.
That's right on.
Freeing.
So, Kate, tell us your story.
Oh! Uh, well, I'm uh, single.
Sangle, ready to mangle.
Uh, engaged though, so that's uh, no kids, though, no strings to strangle.
Uh, just focusing on m-e, these days.
I find relationships to be extremely beneficial.
- Stress-reducing.
- They extend life expectancy.
- As do kids.
- Do they? I mean, who wants kids? Get in the way.
I find them stress-inducing.
And privates-damaging, you know, for all that biking we're doing.
Sorry I'm late, guys, I had to get some air.
- No worries.
- You look great.
- Hi, I'm Elle.
- Hey.
Elle's been an amazing source of creativity for us since becoming pregnant.
Huh.
Really deep work today, Angela.
And before you go, I just want to say thank you for being my first patient at my new location.
Does that mean I get a discount? [SOBS.]
What? No! It's great to see your sense of humour returning, though.
Take care.
[DOOR CLICKS SHUT.]
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
[PLASTIC RUSTLES.]
[SIGHS.]
[BRAD'S VOICE DRONES QUIETLY.]
Just relax.
You are powerful.
Confident, courageous.
You are beautiful inside, and out.
You are wonderful, you are perfect.
[FORK SCRAPES.]
Lionel, what are you doing? I was hungry.
You're gonna cut your mouth again.
This means less dishes! How was your first day at work? Did you get my cactus? I did, thank you.
Really thoughtful.
A handsome plant.
Uh, and it was great.
The-the space is really amazing.
How can you eat that room temperature? Oh, it's the only thing my teeth can handle right now.
So sensitive, I think I'm circling root-canal territory.
Ugh.
I still can't believe this is where you live.
This place is ridiculous, It's like straight out of "American Psycho!" [LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
I'm in real estate, so I kinda know a thing or two.
I'm guessing this place is worth, what, like 3.
8? - Maybe Four? - [SIGHS.]
A lady never discusses price points, Frankie.
Actually, I'm kind of in between places right now, staying with my brother, but he's on the wagon, which is-which is good.
He's got a daughter though, Greta, oh my god, she's the best! I've been dying to do something all afternoon.
Okay.
- Ohhhh! - Oh.
Oh! - Oh, what a mane.
- Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Ohh ooh.
Would you mind if I washed it? Oh! Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right.
- Okay.
How did you even - I love it! - I thought you would.
You should consider adding coconut oil to your diet.
Cool, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, this was really fun.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Hmm Mm! I'll go make us a drink.
Okay.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
Mmm! L'amor L'amor L'amor Okay, moving on to kitty litter.
So, the client is wondering why no one is buying, and they cannot figure out why.
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND.]
I think the price is too low.
- Too low? - Yeah the demographic this brand is targeting doesn't pride themselves on discount shopping.
They want the best for their cat, right? By upping the price point, I think you're upping the incentive.
Yeah, I never pay less than 40 bones for socks.
Yeah, it's true! I bought Sailor the most ridiculous three-tier stroller.
I want the best for her.
By considering the ego of the client, and what's most important to them, you're actually benefitting both parties.
I think it's very intuitive, Kate.
Yeah, way to go, Kate! - Mams, can you get started on that write - up, please? That's a wrap, guys.
Hey uh, I've got a few pitches I need some fresh eyes on.
- Come by my office later? - You got it! Awesome.
Threw some chords together The combination D-E-F It's who I am, it's what I do And I was gonna lay it down for you I tried to focus my attention But I feel so A-D-D I need some help, some inspiration But it's not comin' easily Whoa, tryin' to find the magic Ohhhh! Tryin' to write a classic Ohhhh! Don't you know, don't you know, Don't you know.
Whoaaa! Waste bin full of paper Clever rhymes, see ya later These words are my own From my heart flow I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you There's no other way to bet [HANDLE CRANKS.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS, LIGHTER SNIKS.]
KATE: Hey, hey, it's Kate, leave a message.
Hey, dude, where are you? I was going through some of our old pictures.
I can't believe how dumb we were.
[CHUCKLES.]
Do you remember when [COUGHS.]
when we [COUGHS.]
You know what, I gotta go.
[COUGHS.]
Call me back.
[COUGHS.]
Ugh! [STREETCAR RUMBLES.]
Hey, should I go floss? NATHAN: I can't make that decision for ya.
Hmm.
Could you bring the floss to me? Gross.
What? What the hell is this? Oh, yeah, I made the switch.
- They give me more support.
- More support?! Christ, what are we, 80? You can't just make a change without checking in with each other! Kate, I changed underpants, not a mortgage plan.
Don't say underpants! Ugh! Christ! Look at these things! Ugh! It's not a big mortgage plan.
I'm just old and decrepit.
I think I'll shit myself in these highly-supportive underpants! How's this, Nathan? Hmm? You see what I'm dealin' with? You like this? - Is this what you want? Huh? - Oh god, come on, Kate.
Are you ready to fuck now, Nathan? You ready to fuck it out? I'm gonna fuck you to death in these underpants, and then I'm gonna bury you in them.
Kate! [GASPS.]