Xavier: Renegade Angel (2007) s02e03 Episode Script
El Tornadador
1
Xavier: A FRIENDSHIP IS A
SACRED FLOATER, A
KEMO-THERA-SABE-PUTIC BOND TWIX
TWO 'N's, LIKE COOKIES 'N'
BEANS, FRANKS 'N' CREAM,
FRIENDS.
I'VE NEVER SUPPED FROM THE
MEAT CUP OF HAVING EVEN ONE
CHUM.
BUT MY CRONY-LESS-NESS IS ABOO
TO DIED OF LONELINESS-NESS, FOR
TODAY IS THE DAY I MAKE MY FIRS
REAL FRIEND.
CONSTRUCTED FROMST CAT FEATHERS
'N' EAGLE MUD.
I DO BELIEVE SUGURA 'N' I SHALL
BECOME THE BOSOMEST OF BRAHS.
I LOVE YOU, SUGGY.
ARE YOU MY MOMMY?
HOLD ME, MOMMY.
OH, COME ON, PRUDE, YOU KNOW YOU
WANT IT.
NO ONE HAS TO KNOW.
SUGURA, NO!
BETRAYED YET AGAIN.
BUT 'TWEREN'T SUGURA WHO BLEW ME
OFF.
'TWAS MY NEW NEMESIS -- THE
WIND, MINE ENEMA NUMBERO UN.
WIND, YOU HAVE FUME-MILIATED ME
FOR THE LAST TIME -- ALWAYS
PUTTING ON AIRS.
YOU'RE JUST REJECTED BREATH FROM
THE GREAT COSMIC YAWN OF
CONSCIOUSNESS.
BLOW ME, WIN-DUH.
MORE LIKE "LOSE-DUH."
I DECLARATE WAR ON THINE.
YES, ENSLAVE THE WIND,
CAPTURUOUSLY ENYOKE THE
GUTLESS BLOKE.
[ GRUNTS ]
GET AWAY FROM ME.
Xavier: NOBLE SIR, YOU MAKE
THE WIND SUCCUMB, THROWING WORK
TO THE WIND LIKE AN OX OR MORON.
YOU'RE THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY,
MY FRIEND.
GUY, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO
FRIENDS.
Xavier: WITH THESE PINWHEELS,
YOU GRAB WIND BY THE SCRUFF OF
ITS NECK AND WHIP THE WICKED
FIEND INTO SUCKLING AT THE HO
DOG OF YOUR BIDDING.
YEAH, ONE THING I LEARNED
FROM THE EX -- YOU CAN'T CONTROL
NATURE.
YOUNG ONE, A TRUE MASTER CAN
CONTROL NATURE.
I CAN MAKE THESE GREEN TREES
TURN BROWN.
Xavier: WOW!
AND MY BEARD GOT SO SOFT!
YOU REALLY ARE A FRIEND, HUH?
HMM.
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN A
FRIENDSHIP AND A FOE-BOAT.
Xavier: I WISH FOR A FRIEND.
[ BLOWS ]
WIND IS THE UNANSWERED WISH
BREATH OF A LONELY BOY.
[ DONKEY BRAYS ]
STUPID DONKEY.
IF I PROVE YOU CAN CONTROL
NATURE, YOU AGREE TO BE MY
FRIEND?
IF -- IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL
LEAVE ME ALONE.
Xavier: SEE HOW HE LEADS THE
BEAST, HOW HE ENSUPPLICATES
NATURE'S BASE FACE UNDER THE
SOUND THUMB OF HIS HARMONIC
HYPNO-LEASH, MELODIZING ITS
SLITHERING WILL TO MULCH.
EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING IS
TOTAL NONSENSE, BUT THE SCALE
OF IT TURNS MY THEORIES INSIDE
OUT.
Xavier: SO, NOW THAT WE'RE
FRIENDS, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
CHEW THE SPIT? SWAP SOME FAT?
SPIT ON FAT?
I HAVE WIND WORK TO DO.
Xavier: BUT CHEW ON SWAP!
ANOTHER COMRADE SNATCHED, SUCKED
OFF BY THE WIND.
ALMOST MADE A FRIEND ♪
BUT HE'S AN ENEMY NOW ♪
SNAKE HAND, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
SNAKE HAND SAYS, "I CAN'
HELP IT."
I OWE YOU ONE, MY FRIEND.
Xavier: THIS IS NO
FRIENDSHIP.
[ GROANS ]
Xavier: SNAKE HAND, I DIDN'
KNOW YOUR WERE BI.
I MEAN, I HAVE NOTICED YOU
CHECKIN' ME OUT IN THE SHOWER.
I GOT TO SAY, I NOTICED YOU,
TOO, FRIEND.
[ GRUNTING ]
'TIS GROTESQUE-UTIFUL.
MY PANTS ARE DAMP WITH BLOOD
TEARS OF RAPTUROUS MISERY.
Xavier: YOU MISSPELLED
"ROSE," DARKY.
BUT I'M HERE TO MAKE THINGS
WHITE AGAIN.
WHAT IS THIS GRAND GIF
STABBING MINE EYES WITH OCULAR
PLEASURE?
YOU LOOK OUTSIDE HOW I FEEL
INSIDE, FOR I AM DARK NOTION.
AND THAT IS MY DARK NOTION.
YOUR BODY SHRIEKS THE SILEN
TRUTH ALL OF THE PRETTY PEOPLE
OF THIS WORLD DENY.
Xavier: YEAH, I DO HAUNCH
SQUATS TO POWER-CRUNCH MY GUACS.
YES, THIS SAD WORLD THRASHES
MY FLESH AS WELL.
BUT YOU -- YOU'VE OUT-UNDONE ME.
Xavier: MY GOD!
YOU'VE BEEN ABUSED.
WHO IS YOUR A-BRUISER?
YOU CAN TELL ME.
IT WAS SOCIETY.
MY BODY IS MERELY THE CANVAS
UPON WHICH I PAINT THE
PUNISHMENT FOR HER HIDEOCRATIC
CRIME.
Xavier: SOCIETY, EH?
IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES.
BUT I AM GOING TO DELIVER HOWLS
OF JUSTICE AT THEM THROUGH THE
JOWLS OF MY FISTS.
SOCIETY, I HAVE YOU
SURROUND-ERD.
TURN YOURSELVES IN.
YOU'VE BEEN ABUSING THIS BOY,
AND IT ENDS HERE.
[ Electronic voice ] WHO
ABUSED HIM?
WHO ABUSED THE BOY?
Xavier: ALL OF YOU
COLLECTIVELY -- SOCIETY.
GIVE UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
I'M GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE
BEFORE MY NEXT LAST PRE-CHANCE.
CAN'T WE HAVE ONE
ST. SWITHUN'S DAY WITHOUT THIS
CRAP?
Xavier: HANDS ON YOUR HEADS
AND LAY ON THE GROUND.
IF YOU HAVE HANDCUFFS, KINDLY
SLIP THEM ON.
IF YOU RESIST, BE A DEAR AND
TASER YOURSELVES.
BY DEFINITION, YOU'RE PART OF
SOCIETY, TOO, YOU PRICKTHING!
Xavier: OH, NO. HE'S RIGHT.
OKAY, WE'RE GETTING DOWN ON THE
GROUND.
COME ON. DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE.
WE'RE PART OF SOCIETY, TOO.
TAKE THAT! TASTE THE PAIN!
Xavier: WELL, AT LEAST SOME
OF SOCIETY GOT OUR COMEUPPANCE.
OH, THE ECSTATIC ANGUISH OF
BEING TREATED LIKE SOCIETY.
MY NEW NOM DE GLOOM
SHALL BE KNOWN AS
"BARON SOCIETY WEINBERG."
Xavier: WHATEVER FLICKS YOUR
BEAN, SOCIETY.
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT TO
DISTURB AND DISRUPT?
MAYHEM, PRETTY PLEASE, WITH
BLISTERS ON TOP.
Xavier: THAT SHOWBOATING
SNAKE CHARMER IS A FAUX
FRIENDSHIPPING DINGHY FAIRY.
NO MAN SHOULD
ENSHACKLE-BASKETATE SERPENTS IN
WICKERINE PRISONS.
METHINKS I WILL SET THESE SNAKES
FREE.
Xavier: METHINK THESE FRIED
YUMMY CAKES SHOULD BE FREE.
SLITHER TO YOUR FREEDOM,
SATAN'S SWEET SCALY
SUCCU-BYE-BYE!
Xavier: SCAMPER HOME, MY FIVE
FINE FREE FRIED FRIENDS.
I'D LOVE TO STAY AND SAVOR
THE FLAVOR OF YOUR MURDEROUS
MENTALISM, BUT I WORK AT A VEGAN
SLAUGHTER-TORIUM.
IT'S THE JUMBO JOOSE IN
PIONEER SQUARE.
BUT WE SHALL BE ALONE TOGETHER
AGAIN.
TOODLE, FRIEND.
Xavier: "FRIEND"? POOR LOSER.
I'M PROBABLY HIS ONLY FRIEND.
KID NEEDS ME.
I HAVE MADE A FRIEND ♪
MY ENEMY WILL BE GREEN WITH
ENEMY-VY ♪
UGH!
Xavier: JUST THE NOSE I
WANTED TO RUB MY WIN IN.
DON'T TOUCH ME, WEIRDO!
I'M LOOKING FOR MY FRIEND.
TAKE THAT! TASTE THE PAIN!
Xavier: [ SCOFFS ]
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE SO
DESPERATE TO FIND A FRIEND THA
HE'D BEAT UP AN ENEMY.
MAKES ME SICK.
[ GRUNTING ]
HEY! THERE YOU ARE!
YOU WERE RIGHT!
I HAVE TO SHOW YOU A SECRET, BU
IT'S JUST BETWEEN US FRIENDS.
Xavier: "FRIENDS"?!
POOR GUY COMES CRAWLING BACK.
CLIMATOLOGISTS HAVE YET TO
FIND A WAY TO CONTROL WEATHER.
YOU GAVE ME THE IDEA TO
SYNTHESIZE WEATHER SYSTEMS ON A
HUMAN SCALE.
I CAN CREATE A WIND GUST,
REGULATE TEMPERATURE, MOISTURE,
AND PRESSURE IN A CONTROLLED
ENVIRONMENT, UNTIL A PERFEC
HURRICANE FORMS, BITE-SIZE, THA
TAKES ON ITS OWN FURIOUS
MOMENTUM AND ITS PERPETUAL
ENERGY CAN BE HARNESSED.
Xavier: [ Thinking ]
MR. LONELY CRAWLING BACK TO BE
MY FRIEND -- KIND OF SAD.
I CAN USE IT TO POWER MY TV.
Xavier: HE'S SO FIXATED ON
BEING FRIENDS.
AND I HAVE FULL POWER OVER
THEM.
GO MAKE ME A GRINDER LUNCH.
OF COURSE, SOMETIMES THEY GE
UPPITY AND YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP
THEM IN THEIR PLACE.
HYAH!
I'M PUTTING YOU OUT TO WORK THE
FIELDS!
Xavier: WHIPPITY-WHIPPITY
WHOA!
AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THESE
WIND MONKEYS -- WIGGA-BOOS?
WIGGERS.
WHY, I CAUGHT THIS WIGGER
STARING SAUCY AT MY MISTRESS.
Xavier: YOU'VE TOTALLY BROKEN
WIND.
ENVIRON-YENTALISTS HAVE
FINALLY GOT THEIR FINAL
SOLUTION.
THIS WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE
WORLD.
I JUST NEED TO TELL SOCIETY
ABOUT IT, AND SHEILA WILL COME
BACK TO ME.
Xavier: I WAS JUST TALKING TO
SOCIETY EARLIER TODAY.
I SHALL BRING SOCIETY HERE.
FRIEND? FRIEND?
Xavier: FRIEND!
[ GASPS ] WHAT ARE YOU?
OH!
HIPPIES ARE MY CREEP-TONITE.
I'M LOOKING FOR MY SLIMY CHUM.
TAKE THAT! TASTE THE PAIN!
[ DONKEY BRAYS ]
Xavier: I ALMOST FORGOT.
SNAKE HAND, I WANT TO SHOVE SO
DEEP INSIDE YOU IT COMES OUT MY
OTHER ARM.
OH, THERE YOU ARE!
LOOK WHAT I SCRATCHIT-ED.
Xavier: YOU NEED TO COME.
MY OTHER FRIEND YEARNS TO SHOW
YOU THE HURRICANES HE'S CHAINED
UP IN HIS LAB.
SOCIETY YEARNS TO UN-MANACLE
ALL SHACKLES.
NOT ACTUAL SOCIETY.
I MEAN ME, THE GUY NAMED
"SOCIETY," NOT TH--
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS NAME IS NOT WORKING OUT.
IF YOU HELP ME FREE THOSE POOR
HURRICANES, I'LL BE YOUR BES
FRIEND.
Xavier: BEST FRIENDS?
Mm. Pretend I can read.
THAT'S TWO HIGHER THAN JUS
FRIENDS -- DEAL!
MEET ME AT THE LAB IN FIVE.
OH, AND BRING A WINDBAG.
I'VE GOT A BEST FRIE-- ♪
[ GRUNTING ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
BAD NEWS. YOUR SECRET GOT OUT.
A COUPLE OF CREEPY LONERS -- ONE
OF THEM'S ACTUALLY PRETTY
COOL -- ARE PLANNING TO FREE
YOUR WIND.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GUARD YOUR HURRI-KLAN.
I MEAN, IF YOU AGREE TO BE MY
FULL-ON COMPADRE.
SURE.
I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN SO NICE.
Xavier: JUST INITIAL HERE,
AND I'LL GO STOP THEM.
YOU'RE AHEAD SO FAR, BUT I
THINK I CAN SQUEEZE SOME
NEXT-LEVEL OUT OF THIS.
I'VE BEEN THINKING, SNAKE HAND.
I DON'T JUST WANT A HOT PHYSICAL
RELATIONSHIP.
I WANT TO HAVE YOUR HAND BABIES.
THERE'S A PROBLEM-O.
THEY'RE ON TO US.
THEY MUST HAVE SOMEONE ON THE
INSIDE.
AND THE GUY THEY'VE GOT TO CATCH
US -- HE'S A COOL GUY, SO I
DON'T THINK I CAN GET INVOLVED
IN THIS.
ARE YOU SELLING OUT?
Xavier: NO!
BUT BEFORE I DIVE INTO THIS, I
NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE SERIOUS
ENOUGH TO COMMIT TO BEING MY
BROMIGO.
OF COURSE.
Xavier: PULL ON THIS.
WE'LL BE TOTALLY BRO-NOGOMOUS.
NOW THAT WE'VE UNSHACKLED 'M,'
LET'S SHOVE 'M' IN THE BAG 'N'
GET 'M' TO THE CREEK OF
FREED-'M.
THAT'S THEM, OFFICERS.
THEY RELEASED MY WIND.
Xavier: UH-OH!
NO PIGGY GONNA BUST THIS NUT.
THE PRISON OF THE MIND, MOMMY.
HEY, COMPADRE.
THE SLIMY TURNCOAT JUST SLIPPED
THROUGH MY FINGERS, BUT THAT'S
THE OTHER CREEK CROOK.
LET'S GO, WEIRDO.
SHEILA!
I'M A PATSY, AND I LOVE IT.
MAN, IF YOU FOUND THAT OTHER
GUY, WE'D BE TRIPLE-UBER
BROMIGO-SABES DELUXE.
Xavier: I THOUGHT THA
FRIENDULAR DESIGNATION WAS JUS
A WONDERFUL FAIRY TALE.
UH, I-I THINK HE'S RIGHT BEHIND
HERE.
HEY SNAKE HAND, I LIKE YOU A
LITTLE BIT.
I LIKE YOU A LITTLE MORE THAN
THAT.
THERE! I ALMOST GOT HIM!
YOU ADMIT YOU DID IT?
YES, I AM GUILTY.
YOU ARE SO TOUGH AND COOL THA
YOU CAUGHT ME, FRIEND.
TAKE HIM AWAY, OFFICERS.
COME ON, WEIRDER-O!
Xavier: NOW THAT WE'RE
BROMIGO-SABES, WE'LL NEVER BE
APART.
NOTHING CAN EVER SEPARATE US.
AAH!
Xavier: DRED SCOTT!
IT'S AN UPRISING.
WE'VE GOT TO SUPPRESS
REVOLUTIONARY MOVEMENTS.
NOW IT'S DRILLING INTO THE
GROUND!
IT'S BORING!
STUPID DONKEY.
I'VE GOT TO TURN THIS PROBLEM
INSIDE OUT, TO GET THE SNAKE
CHARMER.
HE OWES ME A FAVOR.
HE WHO CONTROLS THE SNAKE OF
SNAKES CONTROLS THE HURRICANE OF
HURRICANES.
THIS IS THE END RESULT OF ENERGY
INDEPENDENCE.
HE'S REVERSING THE TORNADO'S
TIDE.
IT'S WORKING!
YES, IT IS, MY FRIEND.
Xavier: I GUESS THERE IS A
THIN LINE BETWEEN A FRIENDSHIP
AND A FOE-BOAT.
YOU HAVE LEARNED WELL, YOUNG
ONE.
Xavier: CHIEF!
YOU DID ALL OF THIS JUST TO
TEACH ME A LESSON?
THAT'S TRUE FRIENDSHIP.
COME HERE, FRIEND.
HUH? PAPER?
WIND, YOU'VE TURNED MY WORLD
INSIDE OOT.
AND THAT IS MY DARK NOTION.
Xavier: A FRIENDSHIP IS A
SACRED FLOATER, A
KEMO-THERA-SABE-PUTIC BOND TWIX
TWO 'N's, LIKE COOKIES 'N'
BEANS, FRANKS 'N' CREAM,
FRIENDS.
I'VE NEVER SUPPED FROM THE
MEAT CUP OF HAVING EVEN ONE
CHUM.
BUT MY CRONY-LESS-NESS IS ABOO
TO DIED OF LONELINESS-NESS, FOR
TODAY IS THE DAY I MAKE MY FIRS
REAL FRIEND.
CONSTRUCTED FROMST CAT FEATHERS
'N' EAGLE MUD.
I DO BELIEVE SUGURA 'N' I SHALL
BECOME THE BOSOMEST OF BRAHS.
I LOVE YOU, SUGGY.
ARE YOU MY MOMMY?
HOLD ME, MOMMY.
OH, COME ON, PRUDE, YOU KNOW YOU
WANT IT.
NO ONE HAS TO KNOW.
SUGURA, NO!
BETRAYED YET AGAIN.
BUT 'TWEREN'T SUGURA WHO BLEW ME
OFF.
'TWAS MY NEW NEMESIS -- THE
WIND, MINE ENEMA NUMBERO UN.
WIND, YOU HAVE FUME-MILIATED ME
FOR THE LAST TIME -- ALWAYS
PUTTING ON AIRS.
YOU'RE JUST REJECTED BREATH FROM
THE GREAT COSMIC YAWN OF
CONSCIOUSNESS.
BLOW ME, WIN-DUH.
MORE LIKE "LOSE-DUH."
I DECLARATE WAR ON THINE.
YES, ENSLAVE THE WIND,
CAPTURUOUSLY ENYOKE THE
GUTLESS BLOKE.
[ GRUNTS ]
GET AWAY FROM ME.
Xavier: NOBLE SIR, YOU MAKE
THE WIND SUCCUMB, THROWING WORK
TO THE WIND LIKE AN OX OR MORON.
YOU'RE THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY,
MY FRIEND.
GUY, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO
FRIENDS.
Xavier: WITH THESE PINWHEELS,
YOU GRAB WIND BY THE SCRUFF OF
ITS NECK AND WHIP THE WICKED
FIEND INTO SUCKLING AT THE HO
DOG OF YOUR BIDDING.
YEAH, ONE THING I LEARNED
FROM THE EX -- YOU CAN'T CONTROL
NATURE.
YOUNG ONE, A TRUE MASTER CAN
CONTROL NATURE.
I CAN MAKE THESE GREEN TREES
TURN BROWN.
Xavier: WOW!
AND MY BEARD GOT SO SOFT!
YOU REALLY ARE A FRIEND, HUH?
HMM.
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN A
FRIENDSHIP AND A FOE-BOAT.
Xavier: I WISH FOR A FRIEND.
[ BLOWS ]
WIND IS THE UNANSWERED WISH
BREATH OF A LONELY BOY.
[ DONKEY BRAYS ]
STUPID DONKEY.
IF I PROVE YOU CAN CONTROL
NATURE, YOU AGREE TO BE MY
FRIEND?
IF -- IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL
LEAVE ME ALONE.
Xavier: SEE HOW HE LEADS THE
BEAST, HOW HE ENSUPPLICATES
NATURE'S BASE FACE UNDER THE
SOUND THUMB OF HIS HARMONIC
HYPNO-LEASH, MELODIZING ITS
SLITHERING WILL TO MULCH.
EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING IS
TOTAL NONSENSE, BUT THE SCALE
OF IT TURNS MY THEORIES INSIDE
OUT.
Xavier: SO, NOW THAT WE'RE
FRIENDS, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
CHEW THE SPIT? SWAP SOME FAT?
SPIT ON FAT?
I HAVE WIND WORK TO DO.
Xavier: BUT CHEW ON SWAP!
ANOTHER COMRADE SNATCHED, SUCKED
OFF BY THE WIND.
ALMOST MADE A FRIEND ♪
BUT HE'S AN ENEMY NOW ♪
SNAKE HAND, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
SNAKE HAND SAYS, "I CAN'
HELP IT."
I OWE YOU ONE, MY FRIEND.
Xavier: THIS IS NO
FRIENDSHIP.
[ GROANS ]
Xavier: SNAKE HAND, I DIDN'
KNOW YOUR WERE BI.
I MEAN, I HAVE NOTICED YOU
CHECKIN' ME OUT IN THE SHOWER.
I GOT TO SAY, I NOTICED YOU,
TOO, FRIEND.
[ GRUNTING ]
'TIS GROTESQUE-UTIFUL.
MY PANTS ARE DAMP WITH BLOOD
TEARS OF RAPTUROUS MISERY.
Xavier: YOU MISSPELLED
"ROSE," DARKY.
BUT I'M HERE TO MAKE THINGS
WHITE AGAIN.
WHAT IS THIS GRAND GIF
STABBING MINE EYES WITH OCULAR
PLEASURE?
YOU LOOK OUTSIDE HOW I FEEL
INSIDE, FOR I AM DARK NOTION.
AND THAT IS MY DARK NOTION.
YOUR BODY SHRIEKS THE SILEN
TRUTH ALL OF THE PRETTY PEOPLE
OF THIS WORLD DENY.
Xavier: YEAH, I DO HAUNCH
SQUATS TO POWER-CRUNCH MY GUACS.
YES, THIS SAD WORLD THRASHES
MY FLESH AS WELL.
BUT YOU -- YOU'VE OUT-UNDONE ME.
Xavier: MY GOD!
YOU'VE BEEN ABUSED.
WHO IS YOUR A-BRUISER?
YOU CAN TELL ME.
IT WAS SOCIETY.
MY BODY IS MERELY THE CANVAS
UPON WHICH I PAINT THE
PUNISHMENT FOR HER HIDEOCRATIC
CRIME.
Xavier: SOCIETY, EH?
IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES.
BUT I AM GOING TO DELIVER HOWLS
OF JUSTICE AT THEM THROUGH THE
JOWLS OF MY FISTS.
SOCIETY, I HAVE YOU
SURROUND-ERD.
TURN YOURSELVES IN.
YOU'VE BEEN ABUSING THIS BOY,
AND IT ENDS HERE.
[ Electronic voice ] WHO
ABUSED HIM?
WHO ABUSED THE BOY?
Xavier: ALL OF YOU
COLLECTIVELY -- SOCIETY.
GIVE UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
I'M GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE
BEFORE MY NEXT LAST PRE-CHANCE.
CAN'T WE HAVE ONE
ST. SWITHUN'S DAY WITHOUT THIS
CRAP?
Xavier: HANDS ON YOUR HEADS
AND LAY ON THE GROUND.
IF YOU HAVE HANDCUFFS, KINDLY
SLIP THEM ON.
IF YOU RESIST, BE A DEAR AND
TASER YOURSELVES.
BY DEFINITION, YOU'RE PART OF
SOCIETY, TOO, YOU PRICKTHING!
Xavier: OH, NO. HE'S RIGHT.
OKAY, WE'RE GETTING DOWN ON THE
GROUND.
COME ON. DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE.
WE'RE PART OF SOCIETY, TOO.
TAKE THAT! TASTE THE PAIN!
Xavier: WELL, AT LEAST SOME
OF SOCIETY GOT OUR COMEUPPANCE.
OH, THE ECSTATIC ANGUISH OF
BEING TREATED LIKE SOCIETY.
MY NEW NOM DE GLOOM
SHALL BE KNOWN AS
"BARON SOCIETY WEINBERG."
Xavier: WHATEVER FLICKS YOUR
BEAN, SOCIETY.
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT TO
DISTURB AND DISRUPT?
MAYHEM, PRETTY PLEASE, WITH
BLISTERS ON TOP.
Xavier: THAT SHOWBOATING
SNAKE CHARMER IS A FAUX
FRIENDSHIPPING DINGHY FAIRY.
NO MAN SHOULD
ENSHACKLE-BASKETATE SERPENTS IN
WICKERINE PRISONS.
METHINKS I WILL SET THESE SNAKES
FREE.
Xavier: METHINK THESE FRIED
YUMMY CAKES SHOULD BE FREE.
SLITHER TO YOUR FREEDOM,
SATAN'S SWEET SCALY
SUCCU-BYE-BYE!
Xavier: SCAMPER HOME, MY FIVE
FINE FREE FRIED FRIENDS.
I'D LOVE TO STAY AND SAVOR
THE FLAVOR OF YOUR MURDEROUS
MENTALISM, BUT I WORK AT A VEGAN
SLAUGHTER-TORIUM.
IT'S THE JUMBO JOOSE IN
PIONEER SQUARE.
BUT WE SHALL BE ALONE TOGETHER
AGAIN.
TOODLE, FRIEND.
Xavier: "FRIEND"? POOR LOSER.
I'M PROBABLY HIS ONLY FRIEND.
KID NEEDS ME.
I HAVE MADE A FRIEND ♪
MY ENEMY WILL BE GREEN WITH
ENEMY-VY ♪
UGH!
Xavier: JUST THE NOSE I
WANTED TO RUB MY WIN IN.
DON'T TOUCH ME, WEIRDO!
I'M LOOKING FOR MY FRIEND.
TAKE THAT! TASTE THE PAIN!
Xavier: [ SCOFFS ]
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE SO
DESPERATE TO FIND A FRIEND THA
HE'D BEAT UP AN ENEMY.
MAKES ME SICK.
[ GRUNTING ]
HEY! THERE YOU ARE!
YOU WERE RIGHT!
I HAVE TO SHOW YOU A SECRET, BU
IT'S JUST BETWEEN US FRIENDS.
Xavier: "FRIENDS"?!
POOR GUY COMES CRAWLING BACK.
CLIMATOLOGISTS HAVE YET TO
FIND A WAY TO CONTROL WEATHER.
YOU GAVE ME THE IDEA TO
SYNTHESIZE WEATHER SYSTEMS ON A
HUMAN SCALE.
I CAN CREATE A WIND GUST,
REGULATE TEMPERATURE, MOISTURE,
AND PRESSURE IN A CONTROLLED
ENVIRONMENT, UNTIL A PERFEC
HURRICANE FORMS, BITE-SIZE, THA
TAKES ON ITS OWN FURIOUS
MOMENTUM AND ITS PERPETUAL
ENERGY CAN BE HARNESSED.
Xavier: [ Thinking ]
MR. LONELY CRAWLING BACK TO BE
MY FRIEND -- KIND OF SAD.
I CAN USE IT TO POWER MY TV.
Xavier: HE'S SO FIXATED ON
BEING FRIENDS.
AND I HAVE FULL POWER OVER
THEM.
GO MAKE ME A GRINDER LUNCH.
OF COURSE, SOMETIMES THEY GE
UPPITY AND YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP
THEM IN THEIR PLACE.
HYAH!
I'M PUTTING YOU OUT TO WORK THE
FIELDS!
Xavier: WHIPPITY-WHIPPITY
WHOA!
AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THESE
WIND MONKEYS -- WIGGA-BOOS?
WIGGERS.
WHY, I CAUGHT THIS WIGGER
STARING SAUCY AT MY MISTRESS.
Xavier: YOU'VE TOTALLY BROKEN
WIND.
ENVIRON-YENTALISTS HAVE
FINALLY GOT THEIR FINAL
SOLUTION.
THIS WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE
WORLD.
I JUST NEED TO TELL SOCIETY
ABOUT IT, AND SHEILA WILL COME
BACK TO ME.
Xavier: I WAS JUST TALKING TO
SOCIETY EARLIER TODAY.
I SHALL BRING SOCIETY HERE.
FRIEND? FRIEND?
Xavier: FRIEND!
[ GASPS ] WHAT ARE YOU?
OH!
HIPPIES ARE MY CREEP-TONITE.
I'M LOOKING FOR MY SLIMY CHUM.
TAKE THAT! TASTE THE PAIN!
[ DONKEY BRAYS ]
Xavier: I ALMOST FORGOT.
SNAKE HAND, I WANT TO SHOVE SO
DEEP INSIDE YOU IT COMES OUT MY
OTHER ARM.
OH, THERE YOU ARE!
LOOK WHAT I SCRATCHIT-ED.
Xavier: YOU NEED TO COME.
MY OTHER FRIEND YEARNS TO SHOW
YOU THE HURRICANES HE'S CHAINED
UP IN HIS LAB.
SOCIETY YEARNS TO UN-MANACLE
ALL SHACKLES.
NOT ACTUAL SOCIETY.
I MEAN ME, THE GUY NAMED
"SOCIETY," NOT TH--
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS NAME IS NOT WORKING OUT.
IF YOU HELP ME FREE THOSE POOR
HURRICANES, I'LL BE YOUR BES
FRIEND.
Xavier: BEST FRIENDS?
Mm. Pretend I can read.
THAT'S TWO HIGHER THAN JUS
FRIENDS -- DEAL!
MEET ME AT THE LAB IN FIVE.
OH, AND BRING A WINDBAG.
I'VE GOT A BEST FRIE-- ♪
[ GRUNTING ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
BAD NEWS. YOUR SECRET GOT OUT.
A COUPLE OF CREEPY LONERS -- ONE
OF THEM'S ACTUALLY PRETTY
COOL -- ARE PLANNING TO FREE
YOUR WIND.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GUARD YOUR HURRI-KLAN.
I MEAN, IF YOU AGREE TO BE MY
FULL-ON COMPADRE.
SURE.
I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN SO NICE.
Xavier: JUST INITIAL HERE,
AND I'LL GO STOP THEM.
YOU'RE AHEAD SO FAR, BUT I
THINK I CAN SQUEEZE SOME
NEXT-LEVEL OUT OF THIS.
I'VE BEEN THINKING, SNAKE HAND.
I DON'T JUST WANT A HOT PHYSICAL
RELATIONSHIP.
I WANT TO HAVE YOUR HAND BABIES.
THERE'S A PROBLEM-O.
THEY'RE ON TO US.
THEY MUST HAVE SOMEONE ON THE
INSIDE.
AND THE GUY THEY'VE GOT TO CATCH
US -- HE'S A COOL GUY, SO I
DON'T THINK I CAN GET INVOLVED
IN THIS.
ARE YOU SELLING OUT?
Xavier: NO!
BUT BEFORE I DIVE INTO THIS, I
NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE SERIOUS
ENOUGH TO COMMIT TO BEING MY
BROMIGO.
OF COURSE.
Xavier: PULL ON THIS.
WE'LL BE TOTALLY BRO-NOGOMOUS.
NOW THAT WE'VE UNSHACKLED 'M,'
LET'S SHOVE 'M' IN THE BAG 'N'
GET 'M' TO THE CREEK OF
FREED-'M.
THAT'S THEM, OFFICERS.
THEY RELEASED MY WIND.
Xavier: UH-OH!
NO PIGGY GONNA BUST THIS NUT.
THE PRISON OF THE MIND, MOMMY.
HEY, COMPADRE.
THE SLIMY TURNCOAT JUST SLIPPED
THROUGH MY FINGERS, BUT THAT'S
THE OTHER CREEK CROOK.
LET'S GO, WEIRDO.
SHEILA!
I'M A PATSY, AND I LOVE IT.
MAN, IF YOU FOUND THAT OTHER
GUY, WE'D BE TRIPLE-UBER
BROMIGO-SABES DELUXE.
Xavier: I THOUGHT THA
FRIENDULAR DESIGNATION WAS JUS
A WONDERFUL FAIRY TALE.
UH, I-I THINK HE'S RIGHT BEHIND
HERE.
HEY SNAKE HAND, I LIKE YOU A
LITTLE BIT.
I LIKE YOU A LITTLE MORE THAN
THAT.
THERE! I ALMOST GOT HIM!
YOU ADMIT YOU DID IT?
YES, I AM GUILTY.
YOU ARE SO TOUGH AND COOL THA
YOU CAUGHT ME, FRIEND.
TAKE HIM AWAY, OFFICERS.
COME ON, WEIRDER-O!
Xavier: NOW THAT WE'RE
BROMIGO-SABES, WE'LL NEVER BE
APART.
NOTHING CAN EVER SEPARATE US.
AAH!
Xavier: DRED SCOTT!
IT'S AN UPRISING.
WE'VE GOT TO SUPPRESS
REVOLUTIONARY MOVEMENTS.
NOW IT'S DRILLING INTO THE
GROUND!
IT'S BORING!
STUPID DONKEY.
I'VE GOT TO TURN THIS PROBLEM
INSIDE OUT, TO GET THE SNAKE
CHARMER.
HE OWES ME A FAVOR.
HE WHO CONTROLS THE SNAKE OF
SNAKES CONTROLS THE HURRICANE OF
HURRICANES.
THIS IS THE END RESULT OF ENERGY
INDEPENDENCE.
HE'S REVERSING THE TORNADO'S
TIDE.
IT'S WORKING!
YES, IT IS, MY FRIEND.
Xavier: I GUESS THERE IS A
THIN LINE BETWEEN A FRIENDSHIP
AND A FOE-BOAT.
YOU HAVE LEARNED WELL, YOUNG
ONE.
Xavier: CHIEF!
YOU DID ALL OF THIS JUST TO
TEACH ME A LESSON?
THAT'S TRUE FRIENDSHIP.
COME HERE, FRIEND.
HUH? PAPER?
WIND, YOU'VE TURNED MY WORLD
INSIDE OOT.
AND THAT IS MY DARK NOTION.