Alfred Hitchcock Presents s02e04 Episode Script

Good evening.
Television fans can be so demonstrative and unpredictable.
At the time this happened, I was under the impression I was being put on a pedestal.
My wife's not going to like this.
She's always telling me not to leave my ashes on the floor.
Tonight, we present a very warm little story called "Kill With Kindness.
" Reception seems to be rather bad tonight.
Is your screen clouding up? Mine is.
I think we better run a test film first.
If you have no difficulty in seeing it, we will show you our story.
Katherine.
Katherine, look at this.
Here, dear.
Here, come quick.
What is it, dear? Look There.
I do believe it's a cedar waxwing.
Dear Fitz, you and your birds.
There he goes.
Oh, it's very seldom that you see a cedar waxwing in the park.
Fitz, there's that man again.
He comes every day.
Eh? Oh, yes, yes.
You know, he's a kind man.
He likes birds.
Anybody who likes birds is kind.
He looks about right, don't you think? Well, what about him? Eh? Oh.
Oh, yes, I think he'd be an excellent choice.
Hmm.
Hmm.
one cedar waxwing.
I'll be back soon, dear.
All right.
Oh, Katherine.
Oh, yes? Katherine, about my butterfly collection, don't you think we could save Now, we've been all through that before, haven't we, Fitz? It seems such a shame.
I'm sorry.
I know what your butterfly collection means to you, but it will have to go, like everything else.
It wouldn't look right.
You understand that, don't you? Yes, Katherine.
Dear Fitz.
It's always such a joy to watch you sort your specimens.
It's very delicate work, you know.
Now, you're going to try to behave yourself, aren't you? And you're not going to say the wrong things? Oh, I won't.
I won't, Katherine, I promise.
That's a dear boy.
Why, you poor man! Me, ma'am? Yes, you.
Are you hungry? I guess I'm always hungry.
I knew it.
I just knew it.
You know, I was looking out of my window, my house is across the street, and I said to myself, I said, "Katherine Oldham, "it would be an act of human kindness if you were to feed that poor, poor man.
" You mean you want to give me something to eat? Well, why not? You know, I made a pot of stew for supper tonight and there's still plenty left.
It wouldn't take me a minute to hot it up.
Well, that's very kind of you, ma'am, but Oh, bosh, don't you go thanking me.
As I say, it's only an act of human kindness.
Now, come along.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, one thing.
Uh-oh.
I must warn you about Fitzhugh.
Fitzhugh? He's my brother.
Oh, he's very eccentric.
He says the wildest things.
But you're not to pay any attention to it.
You'll remember that, won't you? Oh, yes, ma'am.
I will remember.
Then come along, and I'll put some hot food into you right away.
Come in.
Come in.
It was just like I said, the poor man was starved.
Oh, this is my brother, Fitzhugh.
Yes, ma'am.
They call me Jorgy.
Delighted, Mr.
Jorgy.
Won't you go right in through that door? Oh, he's perfect.
Perfect.
Now, you entertain our guest while I heat the stew.
Fitz, possibly you'd like to show him your butterfly collection.
Oh, good.
Yes.
Do you like butterflies, Mr.
Jorgy? I don't know much about butterflies.
Ah, you're missing a great thrill.
Here, let me show you.
Oh, no, here I am, over here.
In its final and fully developed state, the butterfly is the most perfect of all diurnal lepidopteris insects.
And, oh, so beautiful in flight.
Here, I'm particularly proud of this one.
Difficult to catch because it flies so high.
But I lured it into the net with tobacco smoke.
Are you a stranger in these parts, Mr.
Jorgy? I guess I'm a stranger almost everywhere.
I get around a lot.
Oh.
No home, no family? No sir.
Oh, nothing good ever happens to me.
I guess I'm jinxed.
Ah, well, you mustn't despair.
Remember, fortune is like a glass.
The brighter the glitter, the more easily broken.
If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I never thought about it that way.
That's the only way to think of it.
Please, do sit down.
Take Katherine and me, for example.
We're impoverished.
Nothing left except this house and my insurance policy.
But do we worry? Certainly not.
Oh, Katherine, Mr.
Jorgy is all alone in the world.
Oh? Haven't you anyone, anybody at all who might be asking after you? No, ma'am.
I guess ain't nobody cares what happens to me.
Oh, but my sister and I care very much what happens to you, Mr.
Jorgy.
Don't we, Katherine? I'll dish up the stew.
Well, Mr.
Jorgy, come right over here and sit down.
My sister will have your supper in just a minute.
That's right.
Now, tell me, how do you like our little town? Have you been here long? No, sir, not long.
Have you made any friends? No, people ain't very friendly to me.
A policeman told me to be out of town before night.
Well, don't you worry.
As far as the police are concerned, you've already left town.
Ah, here's Katherine with your supper, now.
Now, you let Mr.
Jorgy be, Fitz, while he eats.
Plenty of time to talk later.
Yes, Katherine.
Now, you go right to it, Mr.
Jorgy.
There's plenty more in the kitchen.
Well, it does my heart good to see you eat so well.
Peace of mind always begins in the stomach, I always say.
Where are you going, Fitzhugh? I have to tend to something in the basement.
Later, Fitz.
We'll tend to it together.
Don't you think we ought to get started? Later, Fitzhugh.
Oh, there's one of those pesky moths again.
Get the insect spray, will you? There's a dear boy.
Now, you stop fooling with it, Fitz.
Kill it.
You wanted me to kill it.
Oh, now, Fitz.
Yes, you did.
How could you ask me to do a thing like that? My sister tried to kill me, you know.
Oh, Fitz! The things you say! Remember what I told you, Mr.
Jorgy.
Oh, yes, she did.
She tried to kill me.
The insurance policy I told you about? Well, she's the beneficiary.
Oh, I don't blame her.
It's an excellent way to get some money.
Oh, Fitz, the stories you make up.
What I said to her was that there was no need to kill me.
All we had to do was to find a substitute for my corpse, then we could both enjoy the insurance money.
Now, Fitz, you stop talking nonsense.
Stop it! There's no reason for you to talk to me, I Well, your plate is empty.
Let me get you some more.
No, ma'am, I don't think I better.
Now, don't be bashful.
Ain't that, ma'am.
But it's getting late, I think I better go.
You're not going to leave this house until you've had some coffee.
No, coffee.
Thanks.
Some tea, then? No, nothing.
Milk? Milk? Some nice warm milk.
Oh, it makes a body feel so relaxed.
Fitz.
Fitz, dear.
Yes? I think it would be an act of human kindness if you were to give Mr.
Jorgy a clean suit of clothes.
We can't have him dressed like that, dear.
What? Oh.
No.
Or maybe one of yours would fit him.
You're about the same size.
That blue one, maybe? Oh, all right.
And shoes.
What size do you wear, Mr.
Jorgy? Shoes? I don't know.
You mean, you're gonna give me a new suit and shoes, too? Maybe my luck's changed.
Fitz, you take Mr.
Jorgy upstairs and try on a suit of clothes.
And meanwhile, I'll clear everything off here.
But I should attend to that job in the basement, first.
Shouldn't I, Katherine? Oh, all right, dear, you tend to it, and I'll take Mr.
Jorgy upstairs.
Yes, Katherine.
Thank you, Katherine.
There's another one of those pesky moths! Little monster.
I caught it! I got it! You know, Fitz doesn't like me to kill them, but I do when he's out of the room.
There, a nice little moth for supper.
My, it looks as though it's going to rain.
Mr.
Jorgy, you'll just have to stay the night.
Oh, no, ma'am, I couldn't do that.
Oh, nonsense, I insist.
Now, you come along upstairs and try on that suit of clothes.
This way.
Where is it? Where did she put it? Now, you try on the coat.
Here, I'll help you.
It's a beautiful suit.
Beautiful! That's a perfect fit, perfect.
Why, to look at you, anyone would say that you were a man of means.
Now, look in the mirror and see for yourself.
You know, it's very kind of you, ma'am, to, you know, to give me this suit and feed me and all.
Nonsense, it's just a human kindness, that's all.
A human kindness.
And now, you try on the rest of the things, and I'll see you downstairs.
Yes, ma'am.
There it is.
Well, Mr.
Jorgy, you look quite different.
Now, turn around and let me see the back.
Well, I declare, it's as though it was made for you.
The sleeves need a little bit of lengthening.
Well, I'll do that tomorrow before you leave.
Oh, I can't stay here tonight.
It's been so long since I slept under a roof, I'd be uncomfortable.
Mr.
Jorgy, your saying that makes me feel real bad.
To think of it, a man forgetting the comforts of clean sheets and a soft bed.
Well, I just won't hear of it, that's all.
You're going to stay.
I'm warming some milk for you.
Make you sleep.
Yeah, but Fitz will be very disappointed if he can't show you the rest of his butterfly collection.
Now, wait just a minute, I'll fetch him.
Aren't you finished yet, Fitz? In a minute.
There.
There, there, now I'm all ready.
Now, Fitz, you know what you've got to do? Yes, yes, don't worry.
Now, tell me, so that I can make sure that you've got it straight.
Now, Katherine, I won't have you treating me like a child.
I have to make sure, you're so forgetful, Fitz.
Now tell me once again, so I won't worry.
Oh, all right.
After the fire is started, I'm to go upstairs I'm to go upstairs, then I'm to change into his clothes and I'm to leave immediately.
You've forgotten something.
I have? No, no, no, I remember it all.
The ring, you've got to put the ring on his finger.
But it belonged to grandfather.
That's why we must leave it, to complete the identification.
There must be no question that the body upstairs is yours.
Now, after you've put the ring on his finger, you must leave right away.
Leave right away.
Yes.
Now? No, not until he's asleep.
Now, tell me where you're going? I know, Katherine.
I know.
Tell me.
The Fenton Hotel in Spring City.
The Trenton Hotel, not the Fenton Well, what difference does it make? I'll find it.
Be careful, dear.
Yes, I will.
I will, I promise.
Now? No.
And when everything's settled and I've collected the insurance money, I'll join you there.
Now, I want you to take good care of yourself, dear.
Yes, yes, don't worry.
Yes, the nights are cold in Spring City.
I want you to buy some nice, warm clothes.
Burn this in the furnace.
What is it? It's the x-ray plates of your teeth.
You know, I went to see that nice dentist, Dr.
Craig.
How did you get them? Well, I just took them out of the file when he stepped out of the room.
Burn them.
Yes, Katherine.
Now, listen carefully.
I'm fixing some hot milk and I'm putting something in his glass to make him sleep.
Be sure you choose the right one.
Yes, I will.
You know which? The glass nearest your left hand is for our guest.
The right hand, Fitz! The right hand! Now, let's go back upstairs.
You've got to talk to him because he wants to leave.
Yeah.
Katherine? Katherine, wait.
Will everything burn? Everything? Yes, Fitz.
Everything.
Oh, that's a pity.
Yes, he was such a nice man.
What? Oh, no, no, I was thinking of my butterfly collection.
Well, now, Mr.
Jorgy.
Oh, no, please, help yourself.
What's this my sister tells me? You're refusing our hospitality? Oh, no, it ain't that, but you've been so kind and all, I didn't want to cause you any more trouble.
Oh, it's no trouble.
No trouble at all.
We're glad to have you.
Now, here we are.
You boys drink this up before it gets cold.
Mr.
Jorgy, your shoes are so handsome, but I think you better tie that shoelace or you'll go tripping.
Here, let me hold that for you.
They're both tied.
Oh, dear me, I can't see a thing without my spectacles.
Well, drink up.
This one's known as the zebra.
It's found in the southern United States, although it's sometimes been known to stray as far north as Kansas.
It flies deep in the woods Deep in the woods or around the edges.
Our guest must be tired.
Well, it's time we all went to bed.
Fitz, why don't you take Mr.
Jorgy upstairs, and tell him where things are.
Come along, Mr.
Jorgy.
Time for a good night's rest, eh? Night, ma'am.
Good night, Mr.
Jorgy.
Here we are.
I hope you'll be very comfortable.
Now, if there's anything you want, you just be sure and let me know.
Look, this is This is your room and your bed, ain't it? Now, don't you worry about that.
Well, good night.
And pleasant dreams.
Wait a minute, dear.
Where are you going? To start the fire, of course.
Oh, you know I can't let you do that, dear.
It's too risky.
Oh, but I want to start the fire.
I like starting fires.
Oh, I know you do, dear, but if you botched it.
Katherine, you never let me do anything important.
Oh, everything you do is important, dear.
Now, now, come on upstairs, and we'll see whether Mr.
Jorgy is resting comfortably.
Now, come on, dear.
Mr.
Jorgy? Mr.
Jorgy? Now, Fitz, you know what you have to do.
I won't call for help until the fire reaches this floor, and then you'll be far away.
I'd rather start the fire.
Now, Fitz, you put on his clothes.
Oh, all right.
A beautiful fire, Katherine, beautiful.
Everything will burn and fly up and up and up.
You haven't changed, hurry.
What are you doing? Put that down! Please, Katherine.
Please, please, Katherine, just this one, my zebra.
You know how difficult it was for me to find.
Please.
No! You are to change your clothes and then leave the house by the kitchen.
Please, Katherine, my zebra, please.
Your ring! Why didn't you do what I said? You wouldn't let me start the fire.
You've got to go back upstairs and put that ring on his finger right away! If I hadn't noticed it, our whole plan might have failed.
Katherine, look.
Pull it off, hurry.
Hurry! I can't, it's on too tight.
Pull it! Pull it! It won't pull off.
Katherine, what are we going to do? It's got initials on it.
Here, let me take it off.
Katherine, we got to leave here, never mind about him.
Oh, no, they're sure to notice the ring.
They'll know it isn't you.
There'll be an investigation.
Mr.
Jorgy! Mr.
Jorgy! Mr.
Jorgy! Wake up! Wake up! We haven't got time, let's go Dear, we've got to take him with us.
Mr.
Jorgy! Hurry! Help me, Fitz! Come on, Mr.
Jorgy, sit My bird, I've got to save my bird.
Now, Fitz! Fitz, I can't carry him, I don't have the strength.
You've got to help me.
But what about my bird? I'll get him.
Hurry, Fitz! Come along, Mr.
Jorgy.
Come along, sit up.
Sit up, that's right.
Here, put an arm around my shoulder.
Come on, now.
Come on.
We're only going for a walk.
That's right.
Number two hose.
Come on, boys, check that last roof over there.
Come on! On the double, let's go! It's all my fault.
I'm a jinx.
Drink some of this coffee, Mr.
Oldham, it'll make you feel better.
Oh, you take care of Mr.
Jorgy.
He needs it more.
Aw, that's just like you, never thinking of yourself.
You're a real hero, Mr.
Oldham.
Yes, I am, aren't I? May I have a cup of coffee, please? Yes, of course.
Is everyone here, all right? Oh, fine, thank you, fine.
That was mighty fast thinking, sir.
He's a real hero.
Well, somebody had to do it.
See, Mr.
Jorgy was overcome with smoke and my sister Well, you know how women are in an emergency.
Poor Katherine, she always loses her head.
I thought I'd better get out of there.
I just remembered that my tumbrel is double parked.
I shall return next week at the same time to bring you another story, and to relate the further adventures of Alfred Hitchcock.
Good night.