All Creatures Great And Small (1978) s02e04 Episode Script
The Beauty Of The Beast
Mr Barnett.
Morning.
How long's he been like this, Mr Barnett? Not long.
Some of these injuries are old.
So what? Well, l'm surprised you didn't call us in earlier.
Oh, aye, l'll bet y'are.
Never miss a chance to get their fingers into us pockets, Joe, eh? My concern is for the animal, Mr Barnett.
l hate to see a decent fell pony or any other treated in this way.
What are you on about? This pony shows signs of consistent ill-treatment.
- Them's harness sores.
- Sorry, l can't accept that.
Look here, Farnon, l've got a customer lined up to buy this.
All l want is a certificate to say he's in top shape.
- That's hardly the case.
- Will you sign the certificate? Not until this animal's been attended to.
- How much is that gonna cost? - As much as is necessary to see that the job is done properly.
You'd better get on with it, then.
But remember, Farnon, l shall be watching to make sure you don't overload on t'bill.
Excellent.
Since you're so concerned about money, make sure he doesn't suffer from What was it? Harness sores any more.
(Hums tunelessly) Any chance of another cup of tea, Mrs Hall? Aye, there's a fresh one just made.
- Thanks.
- Made it for Mr Tristan.
- Oh, isn't he down yet? - He is not.
l've been up twice to knock on his door, he's dead as a dodo.
Had a bit of a heavy night, l expect.
Gallivanting with them nurses up at Broughton.
- That explains everything.
- Where will it all end? Where indeed, Mrs Hall.
- They're a rum lot up at that hospital.
- l suppose they are.
You know what happened to Chunky Mann, don't you? - Chunky Mann? - Aye.
- Lived down Elsdale way.
- No, l can't say l do.
Had a fight with Walt Barnett, had to go to hospital.
And what do you think they did? But that's not all.
They got his name mixed up, thought he was in for summat else and sawed his left foot off.
- His left what, Mrs Hall? - His left foot! Right below No need to go into details, Mrs Hall.
l was only telling you what happened to Chunky Mann.
A cautionary tale, Mrs Hall.
Thanks for the tea.
- l'd better be off.
- Oh.
Well, your bag's ready.
- Bit early for visits.
- lt's an emergency call.
- Matter of life and death? - Hardly! One of Jack Gilling's old shires.
- Jack Gilling? - Caught on some barbed wire.
Oh, barbed wire again.
Yes, yet another one.
So you're going there now? - Yes.
You know him? - Know him? l practically used to live at his place when l was a kid.
l couldn't keep away from those beautiful horses.
- Horse-crazy tomboy, were you? - Yes, l was rather.
Jack's horses were special, the most famous in the Dales.
- Dozens of them he had.
- Well, not any more.
- Only a couple left, l think.
- Mmm, l know.
Oh, it's all different now.
- James? - Yes? Can l come with you? You'll have to work your passage.
Don't l always? Oh, go on.
lt would be lovely to see the old place again.
- Oh, all right.
- Thanks(!) ls Cliff Tyreman still out here, James? The old boy who looks after the horses? That's Cliff.
Used to be the head horseman.
Well, he's getting a bit past it now.
He must be nudging 80.
Oh, he was the best there was with the big horses.
lt was a real pleasure to watch him work them.
Oh, l used to love this place.
Thank you for bringing me.
Yes.
You consider it a very special treat.
(Both chuckle) - Helen Alderson! - (Helen laughs) - How are you, lassie? - Hi! Well.
l've changed my name since last we met, Mr Gilling.
- How are you, Mr Herriot? - Fine, thanks, Mr Gilling.
Good of you to come at short notice.
And to bring Helen.
Ee, it's a long time since we've seen you.
Oh, it's too long, Mr Gilling.
l couldn't stop her coming.
- How's Mrs Gilling? - Well, the same.
Getting a bit older like the rest of us, you know.
She's out shopping but she'll be back presently.
- And Cliff.
How's Cliff? - Oh, he's around, lass.
- Bustling about more than ever.
- (James laughs) Any road, when t'job's done, why not come up to t'house for a cup of tea? - Missus'd like that.
- Oh, that's very kind.
Shall we have a look at the horse? Aye, l've a few jobs to do so l'll leave you to Cliff.
- Cliff? - Aye? - Bye-bye.
- See you later.
- Helen, lass! - Hello, Cliff! How are you? - Fine.
- Can l look inside? Go straight in.
Hello, Mr Herriot.
Boss said you'd be out.
Hello, Cliff.
Which one is it? Yon three-year-old round the back.
Tom's with him.
- l'll take a look at him.
- Aye.
l'll bring Helen.
Thanks.
lt's changed, Cliff.
Aye, not but two horses left now, lass.
And t'three-year-old's already sold.
So that leavesonly old Badger.
Badger? You haven't still got Badger? Aye, ain't no one going to get rid of Badger, Helen.
He's special.
But l don't have to tell you that, do l, lass? No, you certainly don't.
But that's not him.
Aye.
Hello.
Hello, Badger.
Do you remember me? Hmm? l'd watch him, Veterinary.
Gets a bit edgy with strangers, he does.
He seems quiet enough now, Tom.
Sometimes he is and sometimes he isn't.
A bit temperamental, like.
- He'll have to have that cut stitched.
- Aye, that's true enough.
- Hold his head, Tom, would you? - Aye.
Could you hold that, please? Thank you.
Easy, boy.
Easy.
Easy, boy.
Easy.
Can l have the needle, please, darling? Thank you.
lt's all right, it's all right.
lt's all right.
(Neighs loudly) Argh! Darling! - l felt the wind of that! - Now, Mr Herriot, no need to get all hairygated.
- He nearly put me away, Cliff! - What, that soft lump? l'll get a chloroform muzzle and knock him out.
Chloroform?! Nay, Mr Herriot, you don't need that.
Sorry, Cliff, he's had one go at me and may have another.
l've never heard owt so daft in me life.
Ow! Come out of there, Tom.
You're that bloody scared you're upsetting him.
Hey, you great daft thing.
What's the matter with ya? Kick t'veterinary when he's trying to put you to rights? - Thank you.
- Come on, Mr Herriot, he won't hurt you now.
Great daft thing, acting like that for no reason, eh? Hee-hee! They won't like that in your new home, will they? You've just got no sense, you have.
Just a great big baby.
Getting yourself all hairygated over nowt, weren't you? (Chuckles) Aye.
But you're a good lad.
A good lad.
Thank you, Mrs Hall.
Sorry to keep you.
- Night, Mrs Hall.
- Good night, Mrs Hall.
Yes, it's amazing how quickly the big horse has vanished from the land.
(James) Progress.
(Helen) W.
You're gonna be sorry.
When l took over this practice, big horses were 80.
/.
of the work.
lt's not all that long ago.
lt's not just the horses, it's everything that went with them.
A whole way of life vanished.
That's exactly it, a whole way of life! l am watching what you're up to! Well, noble as they are, it can't be much fun marching up and down fields in all weather.
Not unless you were born to it.
- Like Cliff Tyreman.
- Gets it from titty, our Cliff.
Tristan, there's a lady present.
She's no lady.
You should play her at backgammon.
- No need to be vulgar.
- Don't be stuffy.
At college, Siegfried, we thought we were hard done by having to swot up on big horses when they were on their way out.
All that stuff about glanders and megrims.
Quittor, fistulous withers.
Oh, yes.
Thrush.
- Shoulder slip.
- Oh, yes, shoulder slip.
Well, it was a long, long list.
(Tristan) Ah! Marvellous medieval words.
lt's all changing now, though, James.
The dark age of our profession is over.
The light beckons.
Don't you feel it? That we're on the verge of a breakthrough? Well, l wish they would get on with it.
lt's all very well being able to diagnose but not having the means to combat lt'll come, James.
- (Tristan) How much? - Who won? - Need you ask? - Well, you seem to owe me £10,160.
- Oh, l see.
- Serves him right.
Well, will sixpence down, penny a week for 2,000 years be all right? Ooh, what do you think, James? - Done.
- Right.
Set 'em up again.
- Fancy doubles, James? - Mm.
Siegfried? Yes, why not? l bags Helen.
Don't despair, James, l have a system.
Yes, l know.
lt's called how to lose.
(Telephone) l'll get it! Hello, Darrowby 8-5.
Oh, hello, Mr Gilling.
Yes, he is.
Yes, of course.
lt's nothing serious, is it? Oh, that doesn't sound too bad.
Hold on a moment and l'll get him for you.
Just a moment.
- .
.
a terrible itch.
- Yes James, Mr Gilling's on the phone, he wants a word.
- Right.
- Come on, girly.
- What's wrong? - Badger's got a touch of colic.
- Who's Badger? - One of Gilling's old shires.
- Oh, yes, l remember.
- Would you like to deal with it? Erm Gilling asked for you, James, you should do it.
Fine by me.
Tell him l'll be out right away.
- Of course.
- Thanks.
He doesn't seem to be in pain but l thought the boss had better get you out just in case.
Well, let's have a look at him.
You can never be too certain with an old horse.
Aye, you're right at that.
l can't reckon the old fella up.
But you'd think there was nothing ailing him but there's summat.
Well, there's not much showing, Cliff.
His temperature's normal.
Maybe it's just a touch of colic.
Aye.
Could be that.
l'll give him an injection, just to settle him down.
Aye, that'd be good.
Must be strange just having the one horse now, Cliff.
There was a whole row of 'em in there.
Barfins and bridles hanging on the stalls, and the rest of the harness hanging up behind, all shining on the walls.
What sort of day did you have in those days, Cliff? An early start, by gaw.
Aye, and a late finish, too.
We'd bring the horses home at night, give 'em a light feed, have our own teas (Chuckles) then we'd be back here again, curry combing and dandy brushing all t'muck off 'em.
And then they'd have a right stiff feed of top and oats.
- Just a minute, Cliff.
- Eh? - There is something else there.
- Eh? Would you walk him round a bit, please? Yeah.
Thanks.
Come on, boy.
Come on, boy! Come on, boy.
(Clicks tongue) Right, hold him, Cliff.
- Has he cut himself lately? - Aye, about a week back - but nothing much.
- And he has difficulty eating? Aye, about a couple of days.
He should've had that cut treated, Cliff.
Oh.
Didn't seem to bother him none.
He's got tetanus.
Tetanus? What, lockjaw, you mean? - Yes, Cliff, lockjaw.
- Nay, Mr Herriot! lt-it was nowt but a small cut.
There's no mistake, l'm afraid.
What's the lookout for him? Well, l'll do all l can but this is very serious.
Some antitoxin might help but it's a long shot.
The infection seems pretty well established.
l've had horses get over lockjaw before.
He won't be able to eat as the infection builds.
lf you can get fluids down him he may have a chance.
Aye.
By gaw, if anyone can do it, it's old Badger.
An old fighter like him! Heh-heh! He'll never give up.
Hee-hee! Well, let's just hope you're right, Cliff.
- Take him in.
- Aye.
l look at the horse, it's slowly dying and l can't stop it.
Oh, could be worse, James.
lf Badger were a pig, sheep or dog, he'd be dead by now.
The size helps.
The fact that he's a large shire gives him a chance.
Oh, it's heartbreaking, Siegfried.
Cliff Tyreman watches me trying to counteract the spasms.
He never speaks but his belief that l can work some miracle Well, it's obvious.
But Cliff won't blame you if Badger doesn't pull through.
He's had that horse 30 years, Siegfried.
Foaled it, too.
Most of the prizes at the shows in their time.
And now he has to sit and watch it die.
You haven't lost it yet, James.
No.
No, l haven't.
(Siegfried whistles tune) There's a good boy.
That's it.
There's a good boy.
- All right.
- Steady, Badger.
Easy, easy.
You've got to eat, boy.
Steady.
He mustn't go down.
lt's all right.
Easy, boy.
(Classical music on wireless) - Oh, Siegfried.
- Oh! Oh, my word, Helen.
l'm absolutely whacked.
- You all alone? - Mm.
James is still out at Mr Gilling's place.
That husband of yours will do himself an injury.
James doesn't worry much about that.
lndeed.
He's out there every night, and he's doing his normal stint.
- He can't keep it up.
- You know James, - he just hates to give in.
- He may have to.
Eighty per cent of tetanus cases die, Helen.
And with an old horse weakened by age But Badger is special, Siegfried, and if Yes, l do understand, my dear.
- l'll get your supper.
- You are kind, thank you.
l'm gonna get myself a drink.
James? Oh, l'm sorry, darling.
You ought to be in bed.
What time is it? lt's late.
Oh.
Any change? No, no change.
Poor Badger.
Oh, l am sorry, darling.
Well, he's not gone yet.
Not while he's still standing.
(Cockerel crows, church bell tolls) - Oh, hello, Mr Gilling.
- Hello, Helen.
ls your husband in, lass? Yes, of course.
Won't you come in? Could l, erhave a private word with him? - ls it about Badger? - Aye.
- l'll fetch him.
- Thank you, lass.
Mrs Hall! Will you show Mr Gilling into the living room? Come this way, Mr Gilling.
ln here, please.
He won't be a moment.
Thank you.
Hello, Mr Gilling.
We're beaten, Mr Herriot.
- What's happened? - Badger's down.
Oh, l'm sorry.
Well, you did all you could, lad, and more.
Cliff took him out in the paddock and that's where it happened.
We'll have to put him down, won't we? - Yes, l'm afraid so.
- Aye, l thought so.
Well, how's Cliff taking it? Well, it's not showing much but he's feeling it.
There's one thing - Cliff knows that Badger will have to be put down but he doesn't want yon knackers man to do it.
He wants you to do it, Mr Herriot.
Will you come? Yes, of course.
l'll come round as soon as l've cleared up here.
Thanks.
l'lll'll tell Cliff you're on the way.
Oh, l'll, erl'll see you out.
Mr Gilling.
Bye-bye.
l'd better be off.
James, can l come with you? - That's not a good idea.
- l have seen animals put down.
lt's never pleasant, and with an animal that one is fond of l knowand l really want to see Badger just once more.
Cliff.
l'm sorry it had to happen, Cliff.
Aye.
But it's the best thing to do now.
l were just saying to boss, Master Herriot, how old Badger used to look when l got him up for a show.
By gaw, he was a sight, an' all.
His coat polished, his feathers scrubbed white as snow and ribbons waving from his tail.
lt must have been a thing to see.
He was.
He was that.
No one could've looked after him better than you, Cliff.
Always cared for all my horses.
But old Badger Well, it happens we had something special, us two.
Still one of us had to go first.
Have you Have you brought the doings with ya, lad? Yes, Cliff.
Well, l reckon we'd better get on with it, then.
Many's a thousand miles l've walked after you, old lad.
Aye, and many's a talk we've had, too.
Never had to tell you what to do though, did l? l reckon you knew every move l made.
You just liked listening to the sound of the voice, didn't you? Aye.
Well, the time's come to rest, old lad.
l know you won't hold it against us, what we've had to do.
But it's for your own good, ain't it, lad? You just sit there, easy like, and we'll we'll take care of everything for you.
(Badger blows) (Blows) (Muffled bang) (Door opens) Ah, James.
(Clears throat) l'm sorry to hear you lost the Badger.
Yes.
- Would you care for a drink? - No, thanks, perhaps later.
Yes, of course.
Siegfried, when you lose an animal l try to keep feelings well out of it.
- You must feel something.
- Very bucked if l cure what ails them.
- And if you lose it? - l try not to get involved.
Our job is hard enough without that.
Yes, of course.
l'm sure you did everything you could to keep Badger alive.
- Wasn't very successful.
- You did your best, James.
l keep seeing that look in Cliff Tyreman's face when he knew he'd never see Badger again.
Ah.
Course, it is the end of an era for Cliff Tyreman.
We could persuade Jack Gilling to get a couple of big horses.
l don't see why not.
Jack would if he could.
But they're expensive to keep, James, and Cliff's pushing 80.
Who'd look after them when he's gone? Yes.
Tough breed, the Dales people.
Cliff Tyreman survived changes before, perhaps he'll survive this one.
Course, there's always one change too many for anyone.
There you are, Freddie.
Now, you feed Flash once a day only.
Keep his tank clean and he'll be fine.
- Thanks, Mr Herriot.
Can we go now? - Yes, of course! - (Glass breaking) - Flippin' kids.
Never mind, Freddie.
Grab Flash and get him home in this.
- You got him? - Yes, thanks.
Good boy.
There we are, that should do.
That's it.
Weren't looking where you were going.
- Will Flash be all right? - He's had a shock, that's all.
He'll be right as rain soon.
(Coughs) - Thanks, Mr Herriot.
- That's all right.
Bye.
No smoking in the surgery, please, Mr Barnett.
- Oh, aye? - Would you put it out, please? - Thank you, Mr Barnett.
- Oh, we all need rules.
Any road, l need thee to geld a blood horse of mine.
lt is customary for clients to wait.
Oh, aye, l'm sorry about that.
But folk out there didn't mind.
They've nowt better to do.
- And you're a very busy man? - Middling, Veterinary.
- You gonna do it for us? - l'm sure we can.
That's what l've come to hear.
When? Oh.
l'm afraid l'm all booked up this week.
- Booked up? - Mm.
- What about Farnon? - l'll speak with Mr Farnon - and get him to get in touch.
- That's no damn good to me.
Sorry.
Now, l do have other clients.
Then they'll wait until l've had proper service.
l'll speak to Mr Farnon and l'll let you know.
Be damn quick about it.
l shall want a good job doing, mind.
We always try to do our best.
Oh, l know.
You do your best to line your pockets at the expense of us working folk.
- l resent that kind of remark.
- Must be summat in it, then.
What with you getting touchy.
Make sure Farnon rings cos l want that horse doing.
- Understand? - Goodbye, Mr Barnett.
- What was that all about? - Walt Barnett.
Oh.
Tricky old bird to handle.
Who the hell does he think he is? Marches in, smashes things.
Scrap man with a Midas touch.
The money's gone to his head.
- He was being bloody-minded.
- Grin and bear it.
There's no way to get through to him.
Except maybe a sock on the jaw.
- He's a vicious swine.
- James? What's the trouble? - Feeling ill? - Of course not! Why? You seem in pain, profanities pouring from your mouth.
You can be heard right through the house.
- lt is Walt Barnett.
- Gave James a rough time.
- Witless lout! - James.
Quite enough of that.
l will not have that kind of talk.
Even if he upset you, it's no excuse for profanity.
Damn it, Siegfried! He'd try the patience of a saint! l'm no prude but l will not allow that language in the house.
There are women here.
- l'm aware of that - And you will not abuse our clients.
After all, they provide us with our bread and butter.
They must be treated with respect.
- Oh, for God's sake! - Axiom number one, James - customer is always right.
l abide by it, and so must you.
Saves a great deal of wear and tear.
Good for business, too.
Axiom or no axiom, we can all stand just so much.
lf a client's rude to me, do l get angry? lf l'm insulted, do l let it make me ill? Do l rant and rave and utter useless threats? No! lsimply add a little something to the bill.
- What do the clients think? - They get the message.
- l'm not surprised.
- Course, l do start off with advantages.
- How's that? - l have a naturally even temperament.
l'm not so easily upset as you two firebrands.
How very fortunate we are to have to you point the way.
- lsn't that so, Tris? - Absolutely.
Obviously one hates pointing out colleagues' faults.
Oh, no, you've been pretty forthcoming on that.
Yes.
Course, it is for our own good, James.
Right, well lt's been most interesting but it's time l changed and got back to work.
- Thanks a lot, Siegfried.
- That's all right, James.
Oh, l promised Walt Barnett that you'd give him a ring and arrange to cut his stallion.
Ohyes, James.
You can leave that to me.
He is impatient, so if you could write it down? Don't you worry, James, it is already filed and marked urgent.
- Up here.
- Yes, of course.
- As long as you don't forget.
- Axiom number two - never keep a customer waiting.
- Must press on.
- Mm.
- (Siegfried whistles) - Well, you heard the axiom.
Axiom number one or number two? Axiom number two - never keep a customer waiting.
- lf you could keep them coming.
- Certainly, Mr Herriot.
Next, please.
(Doorbell) l think that's about it, James.
- How's the drugs stock? - Good for a few days yet.
All for Mr Farnon.
l say, James, let's summon up a pot of tea.
What a splendid idea! Why stop at tea, old fruit? Shall we harness it to an elegant sufficiency of Mrs Hall's scones? - Pot of tea for the workers? - Right, where would you like it? - Oh, in the sitting room.
- Oh, rather! Right.
Won't be but a minute.
Thank you, Mrs Hall.
Thank you, Farnon! - (Barking) - Come on, then, boys! Come on! Come on, boys! Come on, come on! - (Barking) - Come on, come on, come on.
Come on! Come on, come on, come on! (Barking) - Come on, Jack! - Hello, Siegfried.
- Enjoy the ride? - Ah, marvellous, thank you.
You're just in time for tea and scones.
- (Telephone) - Excellent.
l had a scrape with him today, up on top of Skeldale - Hello, yes? - (lndistinct shouting) That must be Mr Barnett.
Now, we (Shouting continues) You'll have to speak to Mr Farnon yourself.
- lt's for you.
- Ah, yes? Who is it? Walt Barnett.
He's in the geranium pot.
Not a bad spot for him! (Snorts) You promised to ring him and arrange to cut his stallion.
- l promised no such thing! - James made the arrangement.
James, l cannot have you making elaborate arrangements for me - and not telling me.
- l did mention it.
- When? - A few days ago.
- Yes, l was present.
- What's that got to do with it? Huh? You really must learn to write these things down, James.
- He's a bit mad about it.
- l'm not at all surprised the way you've messed him about.
l suppose l'll have to calm him down, as usual.
Siegfried Farnon speaking.
(Barnett shouting) Ermyes.
Quite.
What? Would you kindly listen to what l have to say?! Who the deuce do you think you are?! The insolence of that devil! The damn gall, the! - Enjoy your ride, Mr Farnon? - Er, yes, thank you.
Always good to get in practice before the season.
- l'll get another cup.
- Don't trouble yourself.
- Would you rather have coffee? - Either.
You'll want honey, won't you? Or the quince jelly? Ercould you Jelly would be admirable.
Thank you very much, Mrs Hall.
l'd throttle that damn fellow if l had him here! l'd strangle him with my bare hands! - Damned infernal - (James) Easy on the language.
Quite.
After all, there are women in the house.
Pardon? Yes, of course.
l tried to reason with him.
You wouldn't believe the abuse.
One has to be philosophical.
Mm, inner tranquillity and all that.
l assure you, l'm perfectly tranquil.
l'll have that Walt Barnett, by God! l'll settle his hash.
- You should try your system.
- System? What you do when people are rude.
- What? - Cut the stallion and charge him double.
That's the most marvellous idea, James! Perfect! lt won't cost him double.
l'll charge him - eight pound.
- (Laughter) - What are you laughing about? - You're joking! That's eight times more than usual! Daylight robbery! l'm not a vindictive man but it's time that Walt Barnett was taught a lesson.
Cop hold of this.
When they get here, don't forget, we don't take any of the old buck from 'em.
lt's a lovely day, Mr Barnett! You've not come here to chat about t'weather.
No, l've come to geld your stallion as a matter of fact.
- lsn't that what you want? - About time.
The way you prance about there's nowt at all that'd get done.
- Better late than never.
- As for you, sissy britches, just keep your chat for the tarts.
- Now, just a minute - Steady, James.
- He was having a little joke.
- Oh.
You're the only joke round here.
Ain't that right? Yeah.
Here, there's a rope.
Thank you.
l think we'll, er up that to ten.
Don't you, James? - Ten.
- Exactly.
What the hell are you on about? Just a professional word.
Let's have the horse.
Do as he says, Winker.
Easy, son.
Easy, boy.
Good lad.
Come on, back you go.
Back, back.
Back, lad.
Go back, son.
Go back.
Go back.
Whoa, there.
My word, Mr Barnett, what a grand sort.
Aye.
And you make sure he stays that way, Farnon.
l think we can manage that.
- Right, James, drop him for me.
- Yes, of course.
- Hot water, soap and a towel.
- Eh? Oh.
Oh, aye.
Very nice.
Make sure you use enough, James.
Yes.
lf l were you, l'd strap up a foreleg as well.
Yes, that should be enough, l think.
He's a biggish horse.
Yes, l had taken that into account, Siegfried.
l don't think that's enough.
lt's the right dose.
lf he needs more, l'll give him more.
You should strap up a foreleg as well.
- Siegfried - Yes, James? Perhaps you'd like to sit over there.
Do what? l thought it'd be better if you left it to me.
Yes, James, of course! Anything you say.
l never interfere with your end of the business, as you know.
No need to be nervous, James.
Easy, easy.
Come on, boy.
Come on, it's all right.
That's a good boy.
Good, that's good.
Pass it over, Winker, please.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Right, walk him round now, please, if you would.
Come on, lad.
Come on, boy.
He isn't gonna go down, James.
Siegfried You there, sit on his head.
Quick, he'll be up before you know it.
James, tie off that hind leg.
(Horse growling) Barnett! What's keeping the water? (Growling) Harder, man.
Couldn't pull a hen off its nest.
That's more like it.
(Crunching) Righto, James, then.
Open the muzzle.
Right.
By shot, that were quick work, Farnon.
Are you sure you did it proper? lt was a perfect job, Mr Barnett, if l say so myself.
lt was a damn sight too quick for my liking.
You have my guarantee that he'll find no discomfort when he comes to.
Oh, aye? Splendid anaesthetic, James, just right.
What a grand sort of horse.
Clean up, James, will you? Then we'll be off once we've settled the account.
Aye.
Thought you wouldn't go without your brass.
(Siegfried sighs heavily) Business looking up, is it, Mr Barnett? Aye.
And some of us has to work damned hard for it an' all.
Well, how much is it, then? Ah, yes.
That'll be a tenner.
What? A tenner, if you please.
- Ten pounds? - That's right.
- Job not but took two minutes.
- Quite so.
But the fee is still ten pounds.
Thank you so much, that seems to be in order, Mr Barnett.
Ah, James, thank you very much.
So we'll say good day to you, Mr Barnett.
(Both) Good day to you, Mr Barnett.
(Horse blows) What an excellent fine evening! Real touch of spring in the air.
Hadn't we better get out of here? No, James, don't rush about.
Just breathe in this fine Yorkshire air.
Barnett may have second thoughts and come looking for us.
l rather think not.
However, what do you say we treat ourselves to a cool pint of beer at Walt Barnett's expense? Anything! Just as long as we get out of here.
James, James.
(lndistinct chatter) Well, James, mine's a brew.
- Evening to you, Landlord.
- Evening, Mr Farnon.
Evening to you, sir.
What can l get for you gentlemen? - Your choicest brew.
- Oh, yes.
Two halves, please.
All right? - Oh, yes, fine.
- Right you are, sir.
Aren't you going to join us, Landlord? Oh, thank you, sir.
l'll have a brown ale with you.
And your good lady too, perhaps? Very kind of you.
She'll have a small port.
Good, excellent.
That'll be two and tenpence.
Two and tenpence Let's see.
That means one of those two of those and a whole lot of those.
Thank you, sir.
- Erm, Siegfried? - Yes, James.
- Those scissors.
- Scissors? My curved scissors, you put them in your pocket.
- Been missing for days.
- That's enough of that, thank you.
Come, now.
l may be capable of some pretty low actions but pinching curved scissors is not among 'em.
- Well, they look like mine.
- This is no time to squabble, - just imagine Barnett's face.
- My God, you had me worried.
l thought he was gonna have your hide for crackling.
Tell me, James Have you ever broken a colt? - No.
- lt's a battle of wills.
You establish who has the stronger will and the battle's half over.
Walt Barnett won't trouble us any more.
Well, he is a devious devil.
He's a spent force, James.
Well, l wouldn't like to put it to the test.
What's wrong? That, erthat cheque.
What, Barnett's? - Did l give it to you? - You put it in a pocket.
- Sure? - Yes, l saw you do it.
- l think you're mistaken.
- l am not.
Ah.
Oh, no.
Mrs Pumphrey.
Well - Lost! - Oh, no.
Ten pound cheque's gone, vanished.
What, after all that? Oh, honestly, Siegfried.
Oh, never mind, l've got the perfect answer.
- l'll have the rest of this - Mm-hm.
.
.
and you slip back to Walt Barnett and get him to write you out another cheque.
- Go back? - Yes, James.
What, go back and face that pair again? Yes.
You won't have any trouble.
No.
- Not afraid, are you? - Afraid? That's the nastiest thing you've ever asked me to do.
- James - Siegfried, you overcharge a notoriously violent man, lose the cheque - James, James.
- All right, l'm going! But if anything happens to me, on your conscience be it! James, James, James.
(Laughter)
Morning.
How long's he been like this, Mr Barnett? Not long.
Some of these injuries are old.
So what? Well, l'm surprised you didn't call us in earlier.
Oh, aye, l'll bet y'are.
Never miss a chance to get their fingers into us pockets, Joe, eh? My concern is for the animal, Mr Barnett.
l hate to see a decent fell pony or any other treated in this way.
What are you on about? This pony shows signs of consistent ill-treatment.
- Them's harness sores.
- Sorry, l can't accept that.
Look here, Farnon, l've got a customer lined up to buy this.
All l want is a certificate to say he's in top shape.
- That's hardly the case.
- Will you sign the certificate? Not until this animal's been attended to.
- How much is that gonna cost? - As much as is necessary to see that the job is done properly.
You'd better get on with it, then.
But remember, Farnon, l shall be watching to make sure you don't overload on t'bill.
Excellent.
Since you're so concerned about money, make sure he doesn't suffer from What was it? Harness sores any more.
(Hums tunelessly) Any chance of another cup of tea, Mrs Hall? Aye, there's a fresh one just made.
- Thanks.
- Made it for Mr Tristan.
- Oh, isn't he down yet? - He is not.
l've been up twice to knock on his door, he's dead as a dodo.
Had a bit of a heavy night, l expect.
Gallivanting with them nurses up at Broughton.
- That explains everything.
- Where will it all end? Where indeed, Mrs Hall.
- They're a rum lot up at that hospital.
- l suppose they are.
You know what happened to Chunky Mann, don't you? - Chunky Mann? - Aye.
- Lived down Elsdale way.
- No, l can't say l do.
Had a fight with Walt Barnett, had to go to hospital.
And what do you think they did? But that's not all.
They got his name mixed up, thought he was in for summat else and sawed his left foot off.
- His left what, Mrs Hall? - His left foot! Right below No need to go into details, Mrs Hall.
l was only telling you what happened to Chunky Mann.
A cautionary tale, Mrs Hall.
Thanks for the tea.
- l'd better be off.
- Oh.
Well, your bag's ready.
- Bit early for visits.
- lt's an emergency call.
- Matter of life and death? - Hardly! One of Jack Gilling's old shires.
- Jack Gilling? - Caught on some barbed wire.
Oh, barbed wire again.
Yes, yet another one.
So you're going there now? - Yes.
You know him? - Know him? l practically used to live at his place when l was a kid.
l couldn't keep away from those beautiful horses.
- Horse-crazy tomboy, were you? - Yes, l was rather.
Jack's horses were special, the most famous in the Dales.
- Dozens of them he had.
- Well, not any more.
- Only a couple left, l think.
- Mmm, l know.
Oh, it's all different now.
- James? - Yes? Can l come with you? You'll have to work your passage.
Don't l always? Oh, go on.
lt would be lovely to see the old place again.
- Oh, all right.
- Thanks(!) ls Cliff Tyreman still out here, James? The old boy who looks after the horses? That's Cliff.
Used to be the head horseman.
Well, he's getting a bit past it now.
He must be nudging 80.
Oh, he was the best there was with the big horses.
lt was a real pleasure to watch him work them.
Oh, l used to love this place.
Thank you for bringing me.
Yes.
You consider it a very special treat.
(Both chuckle) - Helen Alderson! - (Helen laughs) - How are you, lassie? - Hi! Well.
l've changed my name since last we met, Mr Gilling.
- How are you, Mr Herriot? - Fine, thanks, Mr Gilling.
Good of you to come at short notice.
And to bring Helen.
Ee, it's a long time since we've seen you.
Oh, it's too long, Mr Gilling.
l couldn't stop her coming.
- How's Mrs Gilling? - Well, the same.
Getting a bit older like the rest of us, you know.
She's out shopping but she'll be back presently.
- And Cliff.
How's Cliff? - Oh, he's around, lass.
- Bustling about more than ever.
- (James laughs) Any road, when t'job's done, why not come up to t'house for a cup of tea? - Missus'd like that.
- Oh, that's very kind.
Shall we have a look at the horse? Aye, l've a few jobs to do so l'll leave you to Cliff.
- Cliff? - Aye? - Bye-bye.
- See you later.
- Helen, lass! - Hello, Cliff! How are you? - Fine.
- Can l look inside? Go straight in.
Hello, Mr Herriot.
Boss said you'd be out.
Hello, Cliff.
Which one is it? Yon three-year-old round the back.
Tom's with him.
- l'll take a look at him.
- Aye.
l'll bring Helen.
Thanks.
lt's changed, Cliff.
Aye, not but two horses left now, lass.
And t'three-year-old's already sold.
So that leavesonly old Badger.
Badger? You haven't still got Badger? Aye, ain't no one going to get rid of Badger, Helen.
He's special.
But l don't have to tell you that, do l, lass? No, you certainly don't.
But that's not him.
Aye.
Hello.
Hello, Badger.
Do you remember me? Hmm? l'd watch him, Veterinary.
Gets a bit edgy with strangers, he does.
He seems quiet enough now, Tom.
Sometimes he is and sometimes he isn't.
A bit temperamental, like.
- He'll have to have that cut stitched.
- Aye, that's true enough.
- Hold his head, Tom, would you? - Aye.
Could you hold that, please? Thank you.
Easy, boy.
Easy.
Easy, boy.
Easy.
Can l have the needle, please, darling? Thank you.
lt's all right, it's all right.
lt's all right.
(Neighs loudly) Argh! Darling! - l felt the wind of that! - Now, Mr Herriot, no need to get all hairygated.
- He nearly put me away, Cliff! - What, that soft lump? l'll get a chloroform muzzle and knock him out.
Chloroform?! Nay, Mr Herriot, you don't need that.
Sorry, Cliff, he's had one go at me and may have another.
l've never heard owt so daft in me life.
Ow! Come out of there, Tom.
You're that bloody scared you're upsetting him.
Hey, you great daft thing.
What's the matter with ya? Kick t'veterinary when he's trying to put you to rights? - Thank you.
- Come on, Mr Herriot, he won't hurt you now.
Great daft thing, acting like that for no reason, eh? Hee-hee! They won't like that in your new home, will they? You've just got no sense, you have.
Just a great big baby.
Getting yourself all hairygated over nowt, weren't you? (Chuckles) Aye.
But you're a good lad.
A good lad.
Thank you, Mrs Hall.
Sorry to keep you.
- Night, Mrs Hall.
- Good night, Mrs Hall.
Yes, it's amazing how quickly the big horse has vanished from the land.
(James) Progress.
(Helen) W.
You're gonna be sorry.
When l took over this practice, big horses were 80.
/.
of the work.
lt's not all that long ago.
lt's not just the horses, it's everything that went with them.
A whole way of life vanished.
That's exactly it, a whole way of life! l am watching what you're up to! Well, noble as they are, it can't be much fun marching up and down fields in all weather.
Not unless you were born to it.
- Like Cliff Tyreman.
- Gets it from titty, our Cliff.
Tristan, there's a lady present.
She's no lady.
You should play her at backgammon.
- No need to be vulgar.
- Don't be stuffy.
At college, Siegfried, we thought we were hard done by having to swot up on big horses when they were on their way out.
All that stuff about glanders and megrims.
Quittor, fistulous withers.
Oh, yes.
Thrush.
- Shoulder slip.
- Oh, yes, shoulder slip.
Well, it was a long, long list.
(Tristan) Ah! Marvellous medieval words.
lt's all changing now, though, James.
The dark age of our profession is over.
The light beckons.
Don't you feel it? That we're on the verge of a breakthrough? Well, l wish they would get on with it.
lt's all very well being able to diagnose but not having the means to combat lt'll come, James.
- (Tristan) How much? - Who won? - Need you ask? - Well, you seem to owe me £10,160.
- Oh, l see.
- Serves him right.
Well, will sixpence down, penny a week for 2,000 years be all right? Ooh, what do you think, James? - Done.
- Right.
Set 'em up again.
- Fancy doubles, James? - Mm.
Siegfried? Yes, why not? l bags Helen.
Don't despair, James, l have a system.
Yes, l know.
lt's called how to lose.
(Telephone) l'll get it! Hello, Darrowby 8-5.
Oh, hello, Mr Gilling.
Yes, he is.
Yes, of course.
lt's nothing serious, is it? Oh, that doesn't sound too bad.
Hold on a moment and l'll get him for you.
Just a moment.
- .
.
a terrible itch.
- Yes James, Mr Gilling's on the phone, he wants a word.
- Right.
- Come on, girly.
- What's wrong? - Badger's got a touch of colic.
- Who's Badger? - One of Gilling's old shires.
- Oh, yes, l remember.
- Would you like to deal with it? Erm Gilling asked for you, James, you should do it.
Fine by me.
Tell him l'll be out right away.
- Of course.
- Thanks.
He doesn't seem to be in pain but l thought the boss had better get you out just in case.
Well, let's have a look at him.
You can never be too certain with an old horse.
Aye, you're right at that.
l can't reckon the old fella up.
But you'd think there was nothing ailing him but there's summat.
Well, there's not much showing, Cliff.
His temperature's normal.
Maybe it's just a touch of colic.
Aye.
Could be that.
l'll give him an injection, just to settle him down.
Aye, that'd be good.
Must be strange just having the one horse now, Cliff.
There was a whole row of 'em in there.
Barfins and bridles hanging on the stalls, and the rest of the harness hanging up behind, all shining on the walls.
What sort of day did you have in those days, Cliff? An early start, by gaw.
Aye, and a late finish, too.
We'd bring the horses home at night, give 'em a light feed, have our own teas (Chuckles) then we'd be back here again, curry combing and dandy brushing all t'muck off 'em.
And then they'd have a right stiff feed of top and oats.
- Just a minute, Cliff.
- Eh? - There is something else there.
- Eh? Would you walk him round a bit, please? Yeah.
Thanks.
Come on, boy.
Come on, boy! Come on, boy.
(Clicks tongue) Right, hold him, Cliff.
- Has he cut himself lately? - Aye, about a week back - but nothing much.
- And he has difficulty eating? Aye, about a couple of days.
He should've had that cut treated, Cliff.
Oh.
Didn't seem to bother him none.
He's got tetanus.
Tetanus? What, lockjaw, you mean? - Yes, Cliff, lockjaw.
- Nay, Mr Herriot! lt-it was nowt but a small cut.
There's no mistake, l'm afraid.
What's the lookout for him? Well, l'll do all l can but this is very serious.
Some antitoxin might help but it's a long shot.
The infection seems pretty well established.
l've had horses get over lockjaw before.
He won't be able to eat as the infection builds.
lf you can get fluids down him he may have a chance.
Aye.
By gaw, if anyone can do it, it's old Badger.
An old fighter like him! Heh-heh! He'll never give up.
Hee-hee! Well, let's just hope you're right, Cliff.
- Take him in.
- Aye.
l look at the horse, it's slowly dying and l can't stop it.
Oh, could be worse, James.
lf Badger were a pig, sheep or dog, he'd be dead by now.
The size helps.
The fact that he's a large shire gives him a chance.
Oh, it's heartbreaking, Siegfried.
Cliff Tyreman watches me trying to counteract the spasms.
He never speaks but his belief that l can work some miracle Well, it's obvious.
But Cliff won't blame you if Badger doesn't pull through.
He's had that horse 30 years, Siegfried.
Foaled it, too.
Most of the prizes at the shows in their time.
And now he has to sit and watch it die.
You haven't lost it yet, James.
No.
No, l haven't.
(Siegfried whistles tune) There's a good boy.
That's it.
There's a good boy.
- All right.
- Steady, Badger.
Easy, easy.
You've got to eat, boy.
Steady.
He mustn't go down.
lt's all right.
Easy, boy.
(Classical music on wireless) - Oh, Siegfried.
- Oh! Oh, my word, Helen.
l'm absolutely whacked.
- You all alone? - Mm.
James is still out at Mr Gilling's place.
That husband of yours will do himself an injury.
James doesn't worry much about that.
lndeed.
He's out there every night, and he's doing his normal stint.
- He can't keep it up.
- You know James, - he just hates to give in.
- He may have to.
Eighty per cent of tetanus cases die, Helen.
And with an old horse weakened by age But Badger is special, Siegfried, and if Yes, l do understand, my dear.
- l'll get your supper.
- You are kind, thank you.
l'm gonna get myself a drink.
James? Oh, l'm sorry, darling.
You ought to be in bed.
What time is it? lt's late.
Oh.
Any change? No, no change.
Poor Badger.
Oh, l am sorry, darling.
Well, he's not gone yet.
Not while he's still standing.
(Cockerel crows, church bell tolls) - Oh, hello, Mr Gilling.
- Hello, Helen.
ls your husband in, lass? Yes, of course.
Won't you come in? Could l, erhave a private word with him? - ls it about Badger? - Aye.
- l'll fetch him.
- Thank you, lass.
Mrs Hall! Will you show Mr Gilling into the living room? Come this way, Mr Gilling.
ln here, please.
He won't be a moment.
Thank you.
Hello, Mr Gilling.
We're beaten, Mr Herriot.
- What's happened? - Badger's down.
Oh, l'm sorry.
Well, you did all you could, lad, and more.
Cliff took him out in the paddock and that's where it happened.
We'll have to put him down, won't we? - Yes, l'm afraid so.
- Aye, l thought so.
Well, how's Cliff taking it? Well, it's not showing much but he's feeling it.
There's one thing - Cliff knows that Badger will have to be put down but he doesn't want yon knackers man to do it.
He wants you to do it, Mr Herriot.
Will you come? Yes, of course.
l'll come round as soon as l've cleared up here.
Thanks.
l'lll'll tell Cliff you're on the way.
Oh, l'll, erl'll see you out.
Mr Gilling.
Bye-bye.
l'd better be off.
James, can l come with you? - That's not a good idea.
- l have seen animals put down.
lt's never pleasant, and with an animal that one is fond of l knowand l really want to see Badger just once more.
Cliff.
l'm sorry it had to happen, Cliff.
Aye.
But it's the best thing to do now.
l were just saying to boss, Master Herriot, how old Badger used to look when l got him up for a show.
By gaw, he was a sight, an' all.
His coat polished, his feathers scrubbed white as snow and ribbons waving from his tail.
lt must have been a thing to see.
He was.
He was that.
No one could've looked after him better than you, Cliff.
Always cared for all my horses.
But old Badger Well, it happens we had something special, us two.
Still one of us had to go first.
Have you Have you brought the doings with ya, lad? Yes, Cliff.
Well, l reckon we'd better get on with it, then.
Many's a thousand miles l've walked after you, old lad.
Aye, and many's a talk we've had, too.
Never had to tell you what to do though, did l? l reckon you knew every move l made.
You just liked listening to the sound of the voice, didn't you? Aye.
Well, the time's come to rest, old lad.
l know you won't hold it against us, what we've had to do.
But it's for your own good, ain't it, lad? You just sit there, easy like, and we'll we'll take care of everything for you.
(Badger blows) (Blows) (Muffled bang) (Door opens) Ah, James.
(Clears throat) l'm sorry to hear you lost the Badger.
Yes.
- Would you care for a drink? - No, thanks, perhaps later.
Yes, of course.
Siegfried, when you lose an animal l try to keep feelings well out of it.
- You must feel something.
- Very bucked if l cure what ails them.
- And if you lose it? - l try not to get involved.
Our job is hard enough without that.
Yes, of course.
l'm sure you did everything you could to keep Badger alive.
- Wasn't very successful.
- You did your best, James.
l keep seeing that look in Cliff Tyreman's face when he knew he'd never see Badger again.
Ah.
Course, it is the end of an era for Cliff Tyreman.
We could persuade Jack Gilling to get a couple of big horses.
l don't see why not.
Jack would if he could.
But they're expensive to keep, James, and Cliff's pushing 80.
Who'd look after them when he's gone? Yes.
Tough breed, the Dales people.
Cliff Tyreman survived changes before, perhaps he'll survive this one.
Course, there's always one change too many for anyone.
There you are, Freddie.
Now, you feed Flash once a day only.
Keep his tank clean and he'll be fine.
- Thanks, Mr Herriot.
Can we go now? - Yes, of course! - (Glass breaking) - Flippin' kids.
Never mind, Freddie.
Grab Flash and get him home in this.
- You got him? - Yes, thanks.
Good boy.
There we are, that should do.
That's it.
Weren't looking where you were going.
- Will Flash be all right? - He's had a shock, that's all.
He'll be right as rain soon.
(Coughs) - Thanks, Mr Herriot.
- That's all right.
Bye.
No smoking in the surgery, please, Mr Barnett.
- Oh, aye? - Would you put it out, please? - Thank you, Mr Barnett.
- Oh, we all need rules.
Any road, l need thee to geld a blood horse of mine.
lt is customary for clients to wait.
Oh, aye, l'm sorry about that.
But folk out there didn't mind.
They've nowt better to do.
- And you're a very busy man? - Middling, Veterinary.
- You gonna do it for us? - l'm sure we can.
That's what l've come to hear.
When? Oh.
l'm afraid l'm all booked up this week.
- Booked up? - Mm.
- What about Farnon? - l'll speak with Mr Farnon - and get him to get in touch.
- That's no damn good to me.
Sorry.
Now, l do have other clients.
Then they'll wait until l've had proper service.
l'll speak to Mr Farnon and l'll let you know.
Be damn quick about it.
l shall want a good job doing, mind.
We always try to do our best.
Oh, l know.
You do your best to line your pockets at the expense of us working folk.
- l resent that kind of remark.
- Must be summat in it, then.
What with you getting touchy.
Make sure Farnon rings cos l want that horse doing.
- Understand? - Goodbye, Mr Barnett.
- What was that all about? - Walt Barnett.
Oh.
Tricky old bird to handle.
Who the hell does he think he is? Marches in, smashes things.
Scrap man with a Midas touch.
The money's gone to his head.
- He was being bloody-minded.
- Grin and bear it.
There's no way to get through to him.
Except maybe a sock on the jaw.
- He's a vicious swine.
- James? What's the trouble? - Feeling ill? - Of course not! Why? You seem in pain, profanities pouring from your mouth.
You can be heard right through the house.
- lt is Walt Barnett.
- Gave James a rough time.
- Witless lout! - James.
Quite enough of that.
l will not have that kind of talk.
Even if he upset you, it's no excuse for profanity.
Damn it, Siegfried! He'd try the patience of a saint! l'm no prude but l will not allow that language in the house.
There are women here.
- l'm aware of that - And you will not abuse our clients.
After all, they provide us with our bread and butter.
They must be treated with respect.
- Oh, for God's sake! - Axiom number one, James - customer is always right.
l abide by it, and so must you.
Saves a great deal of wear and tear.
Good for business, too.
Axiom or no axiom, we can all stand just so much.
lf a client's rude to me, do l get angry? lf l'm insulted, do l let it make me ill? Do l rant and rave and utter useless threats? No! lsimply add a little something to the bill.
- What do the clients think? - They get the message.
- l'm not surprised.
- Course, l do start off with advantages.
- How's that? - l have a naturally even temperament.
l'm not so easily upset as you two firebrands.
How very fortunate we are to have to you point the way.
- lsn't that so, Tris? - Absolutely.
Obviously one hates pointing out colleagues' faults.
Oh, no, you've been pretty forthcoming on that.
Yes.
Course, it is for our own good, James.
Right, well lt's been most interesting but it's time l changed and got back to work.
- Thanks a lot, Siegfried.
- That's all right, James.
Oh, l promised Walt Barnett that you'd give him a ring and arrange to cut his stallion.
Ohyes, James.
You can leave that to me.
He is impatient, so if you could write it down? Don't you worry, James, it is already filed and marked urgent.
- Up here.
- Yes, of course.
- As long as you don't forget.
- Axiom number two - never keep a customer waiting.
- Must press on.
- Mm.
- (Siegfried whistles) - Well, you heard the axiom.
Axiom number one or number two? Axiom number two - never keep a customer waiting.
- lf you could keep them coming.
- Certainly, Mr Herriot.
Next, please.
(Doorbell) l think that's about it, James.
- How's the drugs stock? - Good for a few days yet.
All for Mr Farnon.
l say, James, let's summon up a pot of tea.
What a splendid idea! Why stop at tea, old fruit? Shall we harness it to an elegant sufficiency of Mrs Hall's scones? - Pot of tea for the workers? - Right, where would you like it? - Oh, in the sitting room.
- Oh, rather! Right.
Won't be but a minute.
Thank you, Mrs Hall.
Thank you, Farnon! - (Barking) - Come on, then, boys! Come on! Come on, boys! Come on, come on! - (Barking) - Come on, come on, come on.
Come on! Come on, come on, come on! (Barking) - Come on, Jack! - Hello, Siegfried.
- Enjoy the ride? - Ah, marvellous, thank you.
You're just in time for tea and scones.
- (Telephone) - Excellent.
l had a scrape with him today, up on top of Skeldale - Hello, yes? - (lndistinct shouting) That must be Mr Barnett.
Now, we (Shouting continues) You'll have to speak to Mr Farnon yourself.
- lt's for you.
- Ah, yes? Who is it? Walt Barnett.
He's in the geranium pot.
Not a bad spot for him! (Snorts) You promised to ring him and arrange to cut his stallion.
- l promised no such thing! - James made the arrangement.
James, l cannot have you making elaborate arrangements for me - and not telling me.
- l did mention it.
- When? - A few days ago.
- Yes, l was present.
- What's that got to do with it? Huh? You really must learn to write these things down, James.
- He's a bit mad about it.
- l'm not at all surprised the way you've messed him about.
l suppose l'll have to calm him down, as usual.
Siegfried Farnon speaking.
(Barnett shouting) Ermyes.
Quite.
What? Would you kindly listen to what l have to say?! Who the deuce do you think you are?! The insolence of that devil! The damn gall, the! - Enjoy your ride, Mr Farnon? - Er, yes, thank you.
Always good to get in practice before the season.
- l'll get another cup.
- Don't trouble yourself.
- Would you rather have coffee? - Either.
You'll want honey, won't you? Or the quince jelly? Ercould you Jelly would be admirable.
Thank you very much, Mrs Hall.
l'd throttle that damn fellow if l had him here! l'd strangle him with my bare hands! - Damned infernal - (James) Easy on the language.
Quite.
After all, there are women in the house.
Pardon? Yes, of course.
l tried to reason with him.
You wouldn't believe the abuse.
One has to be philosophical.
Mm, inner tranquillity and all that.
l assure you, l'm perfectly tranquil.
l'll have that Walt Barnett, by God! l'll settle his hash.
- You should try your system.
- System? What you do when people are rude.
- What? - Cut the stallion and charge him double.
That's the most marvellous idea, James! Perfect! lt won't cost him double.
l'll charge him - eight pound.
- (Laughter) - What are you laughing about? - You're joking! That's eight times more than usual! Daylight robbery! l'm not a vindictive man but it's time that Walt Barnett was taught a lesson.
Cop hold of this.
When they get here, don't forget, we don't take any of the old buck from 'em.
lt's a lovely day, Mr Barnett! You've not come here to chat about t'weather.
No, l've come to geld your stallion as a matter of fact.
- lsn't that what you want? - About time.
The way you prance about there's nowt at all that'd get done.
- Better late than never.
- As for you, sissy britches, just keep your chat for the tarts.
- Now, just a minute - Steady, James.
- He was having a little joke.
- Oh.
You're the only joke round here.
Ain't that right? Yeah.
Here, there's a rope.
Thank you.
l think we'll, er up that to ten.
Don't you, James? - Ten.
- Exactly.
What the hell are you on about? Just a professional word.
Let's have the horse.
Do as he says, Winker.
Easy, son.
Easy, boy.
Good lad.
Come on, back you go.
Back, back.
Back, lad.
Go back, son.
Go back.
Go back.
Whoa, there.
My word, Mr Barnett, what a grand sort.
Aye.
And you make sure he stays that way, Farnon.
l think we can manage that.
- Right, James, drop him for me.
- Yes, of course.
- Hot water, soap and a towel.
- Eh? Oh.
Oh, aye.
Very nice.
Make sure you use enough, James.
Yes.
lf l were you, l'd strap up a foreleg as well.
Yes, that should be enough, l think.
He's a biggish horse.
Yes, l had taken that into account, Siegfried.
l don't think that's enough.
lt's the right dose.
lf he needs more, l'll give him more.
You should strap up a foreleg as well.
- Siegfried - Yes, James? Perhaps you'd like to sit over there.
Do what? l thought it'd be better if you left it to me.
Yes, James, of course! Anything you say.
l never interfere with your end of the business, as you know.
No need to be nervous, James.
Easy, easy.
Come on, boy.
Come on, it's all right.
That's a good boy.
Good, that's good.
Pass it over, Winker, please.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Right, walk him round now, please, if you would.
Come on, lad.
Come on, boy.
He isn't gonna go down, James.
Siegfried You there, sit on his head.
Quick, he'll be up before you know it.
James, tie off that hind leg.
(Horse growling) Barnett! What's keeping the water? (Growling) Harder, man.
Couldn't pull a hen off its nest.
That's more like it.
(Crunching) Righto, James, then.
Open the muzzle.
Right.
By shot, that were quick work, Farnon.
Are you sure you did it proper? lt was a perfect job, Mr Barnett, if l say so myself.
lt was a damn sight too quick for my liking.
You have my guarantee that he'll find no discomfort when he comes to.
Oh, aye? Splendid anaesthetic, James, just right.
What a grand sort of horse.
Clean up, James, will you? Then we'll be off once we've settled the account.
Aye.
Thought you wouldn't go without your brass.
(Siegfried sighs heavily) Business looking up, is it, Mr Barnett? Aye.
And some of us has to work damned hard for it an' all.
Well, how much is it, then? Ah, yes.
That'll be a tenner.
What? A tenner, if you please.
- Ten pounds? - That's right.
- Job not but took two minutes.
- Quite so.
But the fee is still ten pounds.
Thank you so much, that seems to be in order, Mr Barnett.
Ah, James, thank you very much.
So we'll say good day to you, Mr Barnett.
(Both) Good day to you, Mr Barnett.
(Horse blows) What an excellent fine evening! Real touch of spring in the air.
Hadn't we better get out of here? No, James, don't rush about.
Just breathe in this fine Yorkshire air.
Barnett may have second thoughts and come looking for us.
l rather think not.
However, what do you say we treat ourselves to a cool pint of beer at Walt Barnett's expense? Anything! Just as long as we get out of here.
James, James.
(lndistinct chatter) Well, James, mine's a brew.
- Evening to you, Landlord.
- Evening, Mr Farnon.
Evening to you, sir.
What can l get for you gentlemen? - Your choicest brew.
- Oh, yes.
Two halves, please.
All right? - Oh, yes, fine.
- Right you are, sir.
Aren't you going to join us, Landlord? Oh, thank you, sir.
l'll have a brown ale with you.
And your good lady too, perhaps? Very kind of you.
She'll have a small port.
Good, excellent.
That'll be two and tenpence.
Two and tenpence Let's see.
That means one of those two of those and a whole lot of those.
Thank you, sir.
- Erm, Siegfried? - Yes, James.
- Those scissors.
- Scissors? My curved scissors, you put them in your pocket.
- Been missing for days.
- That's enough of that, thank you.
Come, now.
l may be capable of some pretty low actions but pinching curved scissors is not among 'em.
- Well, they look like mine.
- This is no time to squabble, - just imagine Barnett's face.
- My God, you had me worried.
l thought he was gonna have your hide for crackling.
Tell me, James Have you ever broken a colt? - No.
- lt's a battle of wills.
You establish who has the stronger will and the battle's half over.
Walt Barnett won't trouble us any more.
Well, he is a devious devil.
He's a spent force, James.
Well, l wouldn't like to put it to the test.
What's wrong? That, erthat cheque.
What, Barnett's? - Did l give it to you? - You put it in a pocket.
- Sure? - Yes, l saw you do it.
- l think you're mistaken.
- l am not.
Ah.
Oh, no.
Mrs Pumphrey.
Well - Lost! - Oh, no.
Ten pound cheque's gone, vanished.
What, after all that? Oh, honestly, Siegfried.
Oh, never mind, l've got the perfect answer.
- l'll have the rest of this - Mm-hm.
.
.
and you slip back to Walt Barnett and get him to write you out another cheque.
- Go back? - Yes, James.
What, go back and face that pair again? Yes.
You won't have any trouble.
No.
- Not afraid, are you? - Afraid? That's the nastiest thing you've ever asked me to do.
- James - Siegfried, you overcharge a notoriously violent man, lose the cheque - James, James.
- All right, l'm going! But if anything happens to me, on your conscience be it! James, James, James.
(Laughter)