Arab Maklum (2023) s02e04 Episode Script

1
Astagfirullahaladzim, Seng.
You're being so extra like
there's actually something in there.
Hey, dummy! Like you
even know what's inside!
Probably a date fruit.
Date? It's an Arab date, you know!
Geez!
Hey, Mud, you want to dive in?
Let's play together.
Play what?
We'll look for coins
at the bottom of the pool.
On the count of three, okay?
One three!
I got another one!
Hey, why are you still dry?
Come on, jump in.
No way. It's like a child's game!
Don't you have any
more grownup things to do?
I do.
Let's play with birds!
-Play with birds?
-That's right.
HELLO BALI
-Seng, it's my bird!
-It's mine!
-You wish!
-No way, I go first!
Seng!
Oh my.
-It's mine, Seng!
-No, it's my bird!
Ya Allah, it's mine!
Mahmud!
-Seng.
-Huh?
I think I hear Vanya.
It is Vanya.
Hey, Vanya!
Astagfirullahaladzim!
Seng.
Did you invite Vanya to Bali?
No, she was already here.
She's staying nearby, so she said
she'd drop by. It's all good.
-Hey, Vanya.
-Hey, Koh Aseng.
-Hey, Mahmud.
-Hi, Vanya.
Hey, Vanya. Can stay with Mahmud
and play with the bird for a bit?
I'm still looking for coins.
-Okay, Koh Aseng.
-All right.
Seng!
Oh!
Mahmud's bird is huge!
Seng!
Aseng!
Meira is like my new best friend.
She's the best!
Every photo she took of me was amazing.
I post them and they all go viral.
I love being in Bali.
Meira is awesome!
She's way better than Laela.
Laela isn't cool enough
and can't take good photos.
Is this Mahmud's bird?
I think I hear something.
So cute!
What's going on?
It looks like someone is chatting.
Who is it?
Are you guys awake yet?
Nobody's here.
Laela?
It's so cute!
Eh? Why does it sound so clear?
Why?
Don't joke with me,
ghosts, spirits, or whatever.
I'm a good person.
I'm just staying here.
Don't joke around.
Who is it?
It feels so real.
I'm afraid I got a bit excited.
Oh my! I wasn't imagining it!
Who the heck is that?
I can't see them clearly.
So cute!
-That sounds familiar.
-So adorable!
Whose voice is that?
It's such a flirty voice!
It's getting clearer.
-I'm getting more nervous.
-Mahmud.
There's definitely someone here.
I'm in a bad position.
Mahmud, move your bird a bit.
That is
That sounds like Vanya.
Wait
No way! She didn't come here.
It's a ghost! A ghost!
This villa is haunted.
Mahmud!
Should I say something or not?
Ya Allah, please give me guidance.
What should I do?
Should I talk to my best friend or not?
Ya Allah!
But this is scary. Ya Allah!
She's such a flirty woman!
Mahmud is also crazy!
Should I speak or not?
No, I shouldn't.
No, I'm not saying anything.
I'm not going to talk.
Laela!
Astagfirullahaladzim.
-Laela.
-Hey! What's up with you?
-Ma
-"Ma" what?
-What is it?
-Wait!
Mahmud!
Mahmud?
What's happened to Mahmud?
-Mahmud
-Yeah?
-Vanya
-Mahmud and Vanya?
-What's up with Mahmud and Vanya?
-Vanya and Mahmud.
Vanya, Mahmud, Mahmud, Vanya.
Yeah, what about them?
Speak clearly. What's going on?
But don't get mad.
You're taking too long, Jenab.
I'm going to slap you.
A wife has to be patient.
Yeah, but what's wrong?
That Vanya
Yeah?
She's playing with
-Playing with what?
-Bismillah
Bismillah.
-Say "bismillah" first.
-Playing with what?
Okay, bismillah. Playing with what?
She's playing with Mahmud's bird!
What?
Astagfirullahaladzim! That's too much!
She's about to catch her husband.
Come on, show more emotion, ma'am.
And how come that widow is here anyway?
-Try to
-What are you doing?
-Put down your phone! Put it down!
-What's your problem?
-Why are you recording me?
-Stop it.
Why are you bothering me
while I'm recording?
I'm going to post this on my Instagram.
It'll blow up, go viral, get on FYP.
Why are you so bothered?
I'm going to give it a catchy title
so it goes viral! You know?
"Husband caught cheating by his wife
during a family vacation."
No!
Geez, don't delete my title!
You're so lame!
How can I not lose my temper, huh?
This man drives me crazy every single day.
-Yeah, but stay calm, or you'll faint.
-Astagfirullahaladzim.
I don't want you to pass out. Calm down!
Astagfirullahaladzim.
But there's no one here, Nab.
Wait, what? How come?
They were just here together.
It was real, not a ghost, for sure!
Maybe you heard it wrong.
No, I'm sure of it.
-But there's no one here.
-Wait, wait. Just look!
What is that? See? See?
-It's real.
-It's Mahmud's.
But there's no one here.
There's no one at all.
Ya Allah, I thought someone would be here!
La
Laela?
See, I told you!
Mahmud is here. I was right.
I wasn't wrong. He's really here.
Yeah, but he's swimming alone.
Just leave him be.
Astagfirullahaladzim.
He wasn't alone earlier.
He had someone with him, Laela.
Vanya was here!
Where's Vanya?
Mahmud, you cheated, coming up first.
Oh? Laela.
Aba!
Ya Allah, Bah.
Mud, did you feel the earthquake just now?
Hey, Laela! Jenab! Want to swim?
Come on, join us!
Look, Mahmud is having
a great time swimming.
Oh my!
An earthquake, huh?
Han.
There's an earthquake, Han.
Han.
There's an earthquake, Han.
Earthquake.
I'm still sleepy.
So, what should we do?
Just tell the earthquake to come
back later. Tell it I'm sleeping.
Why bother?
We don't need to run?
We're tired. We've been walking so
far last night, why should we run?
Just sleep, sleep now.
-Just sleep?
-Yeah.
All right then. I'm still sleepy too.
Ah, damn it!
-What's up?
-I'm really going to be rude to you now.
What's wrong?
Your bed is over there.
What are you doing here?
I'm just so tired, Han.
-Oh, come on.
-Ouch!
-Ow
-Yeah, just sleep there.
There's another earthquake, Han!
You go first.
You go ahead first, I'll go later.
I'm sleepy.
It was great, huh?
Are you happy, huh?
You got to swim with that widow.
Enjoying the free show, huh?
As soon as you get a bit of slack,
you cling to that widow.
You also want to get
drowned together, huh?
Mi, don't jump to conclusions.
I wasn't clinging to her.
At first, I was swimming with Aseng.
Then Vanya suddenly showed up
in that outfit.
Then
Then you kept going, right?
Ya Allah, I wasn't doing
anything wrong, really.
It's lucky I showed up, you know.
If not, you would've been up to no good.
Astagfirullahaladzim.
I had no thought of doing anything bad.
Breakfast! Breakfast!
Breakfast! Breakfast!
Ugh, that noisy Chinese guy!
-Breakfast!
-We're having a fight here!
Come on, Mi, let's go have breakfast.
What? Breakfast?
No way.
Not until you explain
how you ended up swimming with that widow.
Mi, I already explained.
Do I have to repeat myself?
I swear to God, I had no bad intentions.
Come on, let's go eat breakfast.
No!
I'm on a hunger strike now!
Mi, we paid a lot for this.
Aseng said it's a buffet breakfast.
Buffet?
Breakfast!
Breakfast!
Break
fast.
Let's have breakfast.
Hi!
-Hi, Vanya.
-Everyone's here already?
Nice, we're having breakfast!
I'm hungry after swimming.
Why is everyone so quiet?
Are you still waiting for someone?
No, no one.
Can I eat?
-Sure, sure, go ahead.
-Please, Mahmud.
-All right, let's eat.
-Let's eat.
Aseng, excuse me, I have to ask.
Uh I'm so confused now.
There are many different kinds
of food here on the table.
Everything is so complete.
Here we've got tempeh
and tofu, fried bakwan,
and there's fried chicken.
Did the villa prepare all of this?
It was me. I prepared it.
All by myself!
Did you really prepare this
all by yourself?
All by myself! I did it all alone!
I prepare the breakfast,
I drive, I do everything.
Aseng just bosses people around
with his tight budget.
Oh my goodness.
I've prepared a lot of food at once here.
If this all goes, their stomachs are just
like the stomachs of refugees!
It's not that I'm not loyal to you,
but I'm starving.
-Are you hungry, Nab?
-I'm very hungry.
I need these vegetables.
I really need some vegetables.
Chicken. Noodles. Everything's here.
It's so troublesome for me!
If all of this food isn't enough,
it's ridiculous.
Here's some fried noodles,
Laela's favorite!
Your favorite, right?
I got it for you. Enjoy it.
Chicken!
There's a lot of food.
Let's enjoy, everyone.
All right, my work is done.
Everyone can eat.
But why is it so messy?
I gotta clean up first
or Aseng will yell at me later.
I'm so full from eating
that I almost forgot to drink.
Astagfirullahaladzim. Bismillah.
Wait.
I think the water smells like something.
What do you mean?
It smells sour, you know.
-Like, fishy and such.
-No, it doesn't.
-Try yours.
-No, it doesn't smell.
It smells! Smell it!
See? It smells, right?
-It smells, isn't it?
-It tastes fine to me.
Your nose must be invisible or something.
Your nose is too close to your mouth!
That's why it smells!
-Koh Aseng.
-Yeah?
I'm heading out now.
Why so soon?
I have an appointment.
We'll swim again another time. Okay, Mud?
Just swim with me next time.
Oh, okay. All right then.
Laela, Jenab, I'll go now, okay?
-Assalamu alaikum, bye!
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Take care, Vanya.
-Yeah.
She thinks she's the prettiest.
After she ate, got full, and then left.
Don't forget to burp first, huh?
So neat.
Come on, hurry up. I want to go out!
My stomach is so full.
Where are we going today, huh?
Relax, Jenab.
Laela.
Today, we're going to a waterfall!
Allahu Akbar, Aseng!
You want to take me to a waterfall?
There are waterfalls in Bogor too, Aseng.
Hey, this isn't just any waterfall!
It's a proper waterfall!
Waterfall! Okay?
You can swim there.
Every waterfall is for swimming, you know.
I don't want to.
Think of something else!
Ah! I've got a good one!
Tegallalang.
-Whoa!
-Tegallalang is beautiful. Let's go.
Yeah, it sounds nice.
-Nice.
-What's that?
-Tegallalang?
-Yeah.
It's a rice terrace.
It's really beautiful.
The terraces go down in layers.
They use a subak irrigation system.
It's unique to Bali.
It's really cool. You can walk
and take photos on the paths.
-It's lovely, La.
-Hey!
You're so noisy,
talking to me about rice fields!
I'm tired of seeing rice fields so often!
Do you know who my in-laws are?
Huh? Do you know?
A rice field boss!
Think of something else!
Nab, this one is different.
Rice fields are special in Bali.
As far as I know,
as long as I've lived on this earth,
rice fields are just the same everywhere.
They grow green,
and then suddenly there's rice.
Usually, they grow in straight lines.
What's different about the rice here?
Huh? Is it spiral?
Fine.
What?
This one, you ladies must love it.
We're going to Ubud Market! Whoo!
-Awesome!
-Ubud Market!
-What?
-Refusing again?
All my life since being married to Mahmud,
I've had to go to the market every day!
-And now you want me to go again?
-That's right!
You hear that?
Ridiculous.
That's ridiculous.
All right.
Then today, we're free!
"Free"?
Free!
-Yes. Just go wherever you want.
-Why are we free?
-This is a tour.
-No way.
-There should be a plan.
-That's right.
I've been telling you the plan
all this time.
You guys don't want any of it!
What's up with that?
Mud! Come on, tell your wife something!
Okay, Umi, instead of arguing, why don't
you two decide where you want to go?
Well then, go decide!
Go where?
How about we go shopping?
That's right! I agree!
Mahmud, money!
Before we came to Bali,
we already went shopping
and bought clothes to wear in Bali.
Now you want to shop again here?
What's the problem, Mahmud?
Are you broke? Huh?
Bert, the ladies want
to go shopping today.
Take them to a trendy place.
Okay, got it!
Shopping for souvenirs, food, or clothes?
-Souvenirs.
-Food.
-Clothes.
-Hey.
I'm confused now
with all these different choices.
Well, I'm just suggesting.
Where do the ladies want to go?
All right, clothes are fine
as long as they have my size.
Okay, do you want indoors
so it's cool or outdoors?
Indoors, Robert.
I've been feeling the heat
all morning at the pool.
All right, let's go to a mall then.
No way, I don't want to go to a mall.
Why? Because they're boring.
There are plenty of malls in Jakarta.
Find another cool place.
Look, ma'am. Malls in Bali
are different from the ones in Jakarta.
In Jakarta, you have to pay to buy things.
In Bali, they just look.
"Bli, Bli," what's up?
What's up, Bli?
Okay, so a mall, is it?
Okay, deal, let's go to the mall.
-Let's go!
-But, Koh.
Malls in Bali and Jakarta are different,
but the content is the same.
Why bother going to Bali? You might
as well have just stayed in Jakarta.
I'll slap you.
Ladies, where do you want to go?
Why are you asking me?
You're the one with travel experience.
This is my first time in Bali,
though I've been to Bali Mester often.
Aseng, are you just being
too lazy to think?
-It's tough, huh?
-Yeah, it is.
All right. You want a place where
you can buy food and clothes.
And it needs to be nice and cool, right?
-Exactly.
-Where is a place like that?
Ubud Market.
-We want to go!
-Huh?
-What's up with them?
-Let's go now.
-Move over, Mr. Driver, I want to get in.
-Go ahead.
-Close the door. Close it!
-They just kept refusing it earlier!
-Why are you getting in here?
-Why?
-Astagfirullahaladzim.
-Ya Allah.
You're the driver!
You should be in the front.
Oh my!
Id.
Said!
Come here, Han.
Wait for me.
You just left me alone.
I'm hungry.
Allahu Akbar. Is this a table
or a grave? It's so empty.
There's no food, Han.
They said there'd be breakfast.
What's up with Aseng?
Hey, these virgins are awake!
There he is! Hey! Hey!
Come here. Don't just walk by.
Oh my.
What happened to you, huh?
We're both sore because of you.
What? How is it my fault? What did I do?
How could you say that?
It's because you left me and Said
at the beach yesterday.
You two were at fault too.
-What?
-How could we both be at fault?
Of course you are!
We were about to leave and you two
didn't show up. How was I to know?
We just went straight home.
That's right, he didn't know.
Why are you defending him?
Tell him he's the group leader!
He should take responsibility.
You're the group leader.
You should've taken responsibility!
What leader? There's no group leader!
If there's a leader, it's probably Mahmud.
Oh, right, Mahmud is the leader.
Tell him Mahmud is the deputy
and Laela is the leader.
Eh, Mahmud is the leader.
Laela is the deputy.
Huh? That's different.
Huh? Isn't that right?
Ah, forget it!
So what about your responsibility?
Yeah, what now?
What do you mean? How am I
supposed to take responsibility?
I don't know, maybe treat us
to some food or something.
Yeah, food!
Are you two hungry?
Yeah.
Then just talk nicely!
No need to be angry!
Just talk nicely first!
-Let's just talk nicely, Han.
-Do we really have to?
Yes, at least then we can eat.
Aseng.
I'm hungry. I want to eat.
Yeah.
Geez. You're still being snarky.
-It's annoying to hear.
-Allahu Akbar, I want to punch this guy.
You talk to him!
Smile when you talk. Just smile.
I can't smile at you.
You talk to him.
Koh Aseng, we're both hungry.
Do you have any food?
That's how you should do it.
-Now, where's the food?
-There's no food.
No food? How come?
What time did you wake up?
It's already 10:00. There's no more food.
So what? What's the matter with the clock?
Geez, that's just you.
Never stayed at a hotel before, huh?
At 10:00 at a hotel,
there is no longer any food.
It's already been cleaned up. All right?
That's right. By 10:00,
there's no food left in a hotel.
It wasn't like that
at our boarding school.
But the kids there
would have eaten it all by 10:00.
But there was always some left.
Now he's gone.
-Seng?
-Seng?
-Allah.
-Seng?
This guy is so annoying.
-Oh my.
-Seng?
-Where is he?
-Hey!
-You're also sometimes ridiculous, Id.
-Why?
Do you think Aseng is hiding
under a tissue like a roach?
Who knows? He might be.
Who knows? Allah!
Stop messing around, Id.
I'm sore and hungry.
Yeah, so what now? What do we do?
I don't know! You're asking me?
Then who should I ask?
I'm hungry, Han. Hungry!
Well, then order food online or something.
Why me again?
Do I have to spend money again?
Well, who else would it be if not you?
Hey, hey, come here!
What is it again?
You've been triggering me all along.
I'm still being patient. Hold this!
What?
Even a buffalo wouldn't want this, Seng.
-What's this?
-It's food
Allahu Akbar.
Oh, you two aren't grateful, huh?
It's not used food.
Then what is it?
This is leftover food
that people didn't finish.
I gathered it all so you two could eat.
Allahu Akbar.
What's the difference?
You're asking what's the difference, huh?
Is your friend really asking
what the difference is?
Hey, hey! Don't act like
you're all tight with us.
You act as if you're one of us!
-How could you give us this kind of food?
-Yeah.
I don't even want to eat it.
It's humiliating.
My dear brothers, calm down.
I heard your complaints and saw
your hunger, and I felt sorry for you.
So, I gathered this for you two
so you could fill your empty stomachs.
Look, Aseng.
First, you're not my brother.
Since when are we brothers?
Second, you've gone too far!
We can't eat this stuff.
Leftovers are not even suitable
for animals.
Yeah. Especially this kind of leftovers.
How could you give us this?
We paid a lot for this thing.
How could you give us leftovers?
He's out of his mind!
This is ridiculous, Han.
Do you think the same?
You have no dignity at all.
Have some pride, Id.
We complained, and you're eating it.
Is it good?
It's good.
-It is good, right?
-Yeah.
Is Aseng gone?
-He's gone.
-All right then, let's eat.
Oh my.
Ow
At least that we can eat, Han.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Try this.
UBUD THEMATIC MarkE
-Market!
-We're at the market and ready to shop.
-Ya Allah.
-I've got a bag of cash.
-Geez, you're bragging.
-I wonder what to buy.
They have everything here, Nab.
-Look, there are paintings.
-Oh, this is so nice! Ya Allah.
There are accessories.
-We're going shopping!
-The place is so nice.
Ma'am, is there anything big like this?
Astagfirullahaladzim!
-Ya AllahYa Robbi.
-Robert!
-Mr. Driver!
-Put it down!
Put it back! Where did you get that?!
Put it back!
Put it back!
What is the heck that?
I don't want that style.
I'm stepping back a bit.
I'm shaking.
I want to go shopping, you know.
Don't scare me.
-Don't start acting up! Understand?
-Yeah, don't do that!
You never cease to cause trouble,
Mr. Driver!
Let's just keep walking.
Let's just go.
You're making me lose focus on shopping!
Allahu Akbar. Astagfirullahaladzim!
He is so annoying!
Astagfirullahaladzim! You scared me!
Geez!
You're really something else!
You better watch out!
I got angry.
The ladies scare me.
Wow! So pretty!
I'm looking good, aren't I?
Thank you.
Whoo, I'm so happy!
-Alhamdulillah.
-Alhamdulillah.
We made it!
We got home!
So happy!
-So happy! Ya Allah!
-Please, step out.
-Alhamdulillah.
-I'm so happy.
I got so much stuff.
Bring it inside, okay?
My best friend! I'm so happy.
I went shopping.
So happy!
I went shopping!
She's happy, but I'm not.
Don't let anything fall, okay?
But it's already fallen.
I'm happy!
I went shopping!
So much stuff!
Geez, you keep singing like Elvy Sukaesih.
I'm happy.
Just let me be.
I'm really excited.
Can't I be happy once in a while?
I'm happy too, but no need to shout.
Astagfirullahaladzim!
Mr. Driver, what's your problem?
You're being cocky!
It's not like that, ma'am.
I'm really tired, sorry.
What's wrong with him?
Ma'am, I'm heading home now.
Thanks, Robert.
I'm really happy you drove us today.
Drive us again tomorrow, okay?
If possible, I'd rather not, ma'am.
Please come with a lot of energy
prepared, Mr. Driver!
Shopping all the time just like
a corrupt official's wife.
Hey, hey, hey.
La, La, look at my flashy dress.
This one! Check out my dress.
The colors are so bold.
I love it.
I'll be rocking it when I sleep.
My nightgown is so flashy.
I'm exhausted.
Shopping all day has got me worn out.
I still have a lot of money,
but it's not running out.
-You can't stop being a snob, can you?
-Ya Allah.
La, wait, wait.
I feel like my shopping bag
is in your stuff.
What are you talking about? This is mine.
-Really?
-You're making things up.
-Is that true?
-Yeah, it is.
I thought it was mine.
Ya Allah, just put it down.
Whatever, it's my stuff!
What's the problem?
I want to sleep on it
and use it as my pillow.
Why are you bothered by my stuff?
Just leave it.
You're really troublesome.
The box is bigger than your body.
You're so wealth-crazy!
That's a lot of shopping.
Do we have enough money?
I'll make it enough, Aba.
Hey, has Sasa come home yet?
I called her.
Her phone is off.
Where are those two?
-A wind phenomenon
-No idea.
Try to call her again.
appeared in the rice fields
of Tuban, East Java.
Okay.
This rare natural phenomenon
not only damaged the roofs of the houses,
but the typhoon also collapsed
a house of worship.
See? It's still off.
According to witnesses,
the typhoon appeared
-Try calling Kim.
-Kim?
Luckily, there were no victims
in this incident.
Viewers, you are watching
breaking news from Bali.
Today, there has been
a motorcycle accident in Denpasar
involving two young women
who have yet to be identified.
It has been reported that
the motorcycle they were riding
was hit by a truck.
The latest update is that they are
being taken to the nearest hospital.
Regarding the characteristics
of the two women,
one of them was a woman wearing a hijab,
and the other was a woman wearing
shorts and a tank top
whose hair was black and red.
Viewers, we will move on
to the next story.
Astagfirullahaladzim, Ba. Sasa?
Sasa.
There are still plenty of
exciting things to do here.
There are also many routes here.
Some are short, some are long,
and even more ex
You said there'd be a surprise at the end.
Where is it?
Yeah, be patient. Just wait.
-Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.
-Yes?
Who is "Bestie" anyway?
It looks like we're short one person.
This is the bestie I'm talking about.
-Yeah, I know this is Mrs. Jenab.
-Yes.
-This is Syakila.
-You're right.
Which one of you is "Bestie"?
That's why you shouldn't play
in the water.
Always playing in the water
like a tadpole.
Now you're shivering all over.
Maybe it's because of the weather.
Now you're blaming the weather?
Are you going to blame God
for the weather?
-All right, I'll just go with this.
-My lipstick is so flashy.
Is she coming to the gala dinner?
Why do you want to come too?
Just don't invite him!
It's unnecessary to invite him.
Astagfirullahaladzim! Don't look!
-Oh my!
-Awesome!