Arrested Development s02e04 Episode Script

Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
It's Arrested Development.
Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob.
- Michael.
- Hey.
So, did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need any more lawsuits.
No, I was talking about the magazine- Wait.
Gary's gay? - Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
He's gonna think I was coming on to him.
You've got a nice mouth.
I'd kill for that ass.
Okay, the chair's not doing it now but lately it's been giving out as soon as I lean back.
Anyway, I was talking about Poof magazine, the magazine for magicians.
This guy Tony Wonder bakes himself into a loaf of bread and pops out of a giant sandwich to feed the troops.
I had that idea 10 months ago.
- You had that idea? - Well, basically.
I was gonna boil myself alive into a chowder and then be ladled into a giant cauldron - to entertain and feed the firemen.
- That's pretty close.
I should be in this Poof! - Michael Bluth.
- He found him.
Ice found your father.
Michael recently had hired a bounty hunter to track down his fugitive father.
- Wh-Where? - He's coming over here at 5:00 to tell us.
But he wants to get paid first.
Dad goes back to jail, I can be cleared, I can be president again.
And I'm halfway to getting out of this office and into a steaming bowl of soup.
- Everybody wins.
- Yeah.
Oscar, close it.
You look like the window of a butcher shop.
- Thank God I can finally get rid of him.
- I'll see you at 5:00, Mom.
Michael then headed down to the frozen banana stand where his son was supposed to be working.
It just seems like every time we wanna be together, your father comes along- Hey, guys.
What's going on? Why's the banana stand closed? Oh, Ann came to see me, so I thought I'd take a little break.
- Can we talk about this later? - Sure.
No problem.
Just, let's keep the phone on.
Okay, pal? Great.
Hey, you.
See? That's a perfect example of how your father's always interrup- I'm sorry.
- Hello.
- Hey, buddy.
They found your grandfather.
- That's what I wanted to tell you.
- That's great.
- I didn't wanna say that when you were talking to Egg.
- I'm still talking with Ann.
Oh, she's still goin'? Listen, I'll talk to you later.
I'm very excited.
That's good.
I think we should break up.
The bounty hunter, meanwhile was eager to impress the family attorney.
I cannot believe that you made these.
Indeed, Ice had always bounty-hunted to support his first love- party-planning.
And Lindsay was still hoping to score a date with him.
I don't suppose you'd be interested in catering an affair with me.
Well, when you get a full guest list, let me know.
Why can't I do this anymore? That's got to bother you, huh, Dad? - I mean, she's flirting right in front of you.
- Hmm? Oh! No.
I am surprised, though, that she's going after somebody so similar to my own type.
But I suppose we all do expose our inner desires, don't we? I think you just did.
No, I didn't.
Is there any way I can divorce them? Oh, sure.
It's called emancipation.
But you've got to prove that you're living in an unstable environment.
Both my parents are trying to have affairs.
Of course, they haven't succeeded yet.
If they do, I could have you out of this house, on the street, in a month.
- Sweet! - Mm-hmm.
Soon, Michael arrived, and Ice began his presentation.
When word got out that he was building houses for Saddam Hussein he escaped to Mexico where, as you know, he was arrested and interred in a local prison.
Until he was killed by this guard.
Body was held for six days within the prison walls when- - I'm sorry- he killed a guard? - No, the guard killed him.
He's dead.
Buried in Mexico.
Uh, h-hold on.
How do we know this is true? Because I have here his dental records, his death certificate and a political cartoon from a leading Mexican publication.
Okay, again, I'm a caterer so if you do have any family events- weddings, wakes- I'll leave my card.
Is it true? Is he really gone? - Ow.
- Just checking.
These are his teeth.
He had such perfect teeth.
- It was that Glisten.
- He swore by that Glisten.
"Who left the cap off my- Glisten?" It's all hitting me now.
This is really happening.
All this awful funeral stuff! The will.
We have to get the will.
I don't know if enough time has passed.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Is it in your car, Barry? I'm gonna throw up! Check the car, Barry.
I don't know what I'm saying! The will is not here.
The will is at my office, next to the hot plate with the frayed wires.
I didn't, uh- It wasn't- In fact, Barry had lost George Sr.
's will.
How did I get here? Oh, my God, Lucille.
He is gone! We have to have a wake.
Maeby was upset, but saw a chance to fix up her mother.
Maybe we could get Ice to cater it or something- I don't know what I'm saying! - We don't even have a body.
- I will be my father's body.
I'll be the one buried.
Because he loved magic so very much.
- I don't think Gob knows what he's saying.
- I know exactly what I'm saying.
I will be buried in my father's place and then, one week later, I will emerge from the grave in one of the greatest illusions ever! - This about getting into Poof? - I mean, how does that not get me a cover? Buster! - We can't tell him about this! - I think the boy's been lied to enough.
You weren't here for the parakeet, Oscar.
As a child, Buster had a beloved parakeet who, after landing on their housekeeper Rose's wig, flew away when she took out the trash and into a transformer.
When Buster found out, he destroyed the family's kitchen believing this to be where Rosa lived.
- Whoa.
- What are you doing home? The army had half a day.
- Are you guys planning a party? - Yes.
It's your father's birthday, which, coincidentally, is my birthday.
Because you're twins.
Well, I've got some shopping to do.
George Michael, meanwhile, had just been broken up with by his first girlfriend and was on his way home.
- And he went to his father for comfort.
- Dad? I've got some bad news.
What? What? Is Ann telling everyone? It's your grandfather.
- Apparently, he's dead.
- Are you okay? Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
Uh, I'm sorry.
What were you saying about Ann? George Michael didn't want to burden his father with his break-up.
Nothing.
I just- I broke up with her.
It's no big deal.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Are you okay? - Me? I'm great.
- Yeah? - I'm great.
Good.
Yeah.
She wasn't for us.
No, she's- she's a great girl.
- For those other guys.
- You think there are other guys? I don't know what I'm saying.
Come here.
Hey, Brother.
- You wanted to see me? - Buster, yeah.
I need you to help me with this illusion I'm working on.
Oh, for Dad's birthday.
Yeah.
For Dad's birthday.
So, look, I'm gonna get in this coffin.
What I'm gonna need you to do is to spin it around to show everybody that there's no trap door.
Then I'm gonna escape out the trap door.
- Ooh! - You close the trap door bring in the pallbearers and bury an empty box.
So it's a hoax.
But why are you doing a coffin trick on Dad's birthday? Black humor.
Say, "Hey, Dad, look at you.
You're a year older and a year closer to death.
" Oh, yeah, I guess that's kinda funny.
Okay, but you have to do a favor for me.
I'm not really in the army, and I told Mom I was but I can't go to a family event without an army uniform.
- Oh, yeah.
I used to be a stripper.
- Strippers don't wear clothes.
Not at the end of the show.
You can wear stripper clothes when you're not stripping? You tell me.
George Michael went for a walk in the adjoining lot to grieve both losses in private and he made an interesting discovery.
- Pop-Pop? - Hide me.
Don't turn in Pop-Pop.
Help Pop-Pop.
George Michael snuck his grandfather into the attic and helped him clean up.
- Wow, they're perfect.
- Years of brushing with Glisten.
Listen, you can't tell anybody I'm up here.
- You have to protect me.
- Yeah, I know.
- I just- I can't not tell my father.
- I'm your grandfather.
- I went through hell to get here.
- He had.
After being arrested, he found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system.
I have, uh- I have money.
The Mexican authorities even attempted to fake his funeral although it was a less-than-perfect deception.
Anyway, I was halfway down to Panama, and I saw something in the local paper.
What he saw was a story about his wife giving mouth-to-mouth to a homeless man.
She was kissing his brother.
Well, I understand what that feels like.
I was dumped today.
I can't tell Dad how upset I am about it because he'll think I should just be upset about you.
- He wouldn't be wrong.
- What? Seems like we're going through the same thing.
- Why don't we keep each other's secrets? - Yeah, okay.
Listen, if you pass a mini-mart, Pop-Pop gets a treat? The next morning - Michael ran into his son doing something suspicious.
- Morning! - Hi.
- Where are you goin' with that food? I was just gonna eat some of my grandfather's favorite foods in my room.
It's the form that my grief is taking.
Okay.
I think George Michael's hiding Ann in the attic.
From who, the Nazis? No, his girlfriend, from me.
I just caught him sneaking up to her in the attic and he clearly did so because he thinks I don't approve.
I think I'm gonna invite her to the wake.
Why make him hide? Why do to him what- Why do to him what Dad used to do to me? He was so amazing.
That was actually an example of how not so amazing he was.
You're really going through something here, huh? I know! You know, it's funny- all those years when I pretended to cry I used to use Dad's death to get me going.
I tried it with Mom's, but I'd just end up smiling and ruining it.
But it feels, like, real.
You know? And you haven't really allowed yourself to grieve much at all, Michael.
My relationship with Dad was much more- much more complicated than yours.
It was predicated a lot on secrets and lies.
There wasn't a lot of trust there.
Here he comes.
Here comes John Wayne.
I'm not gonna cry about my pa.
I'm gonna build an airport, put my name on it.
Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? You can keep 'em bottled up, but they will come out, Michael.
Sometimes in the most unexpected- Hey, where the- Are my hard-boiled eggs? Meanwhile, Gob was preparing for the illusion ofbeing buried alive.
Boy, you sure got this hole dug out quick.
In fact, the laborer had been hired by George Sr.
Three days earlier for the same hole.
And Buster searched for the perfect card.
"Someone wanted to send you a birthday greeting.
See you soon!" Oh! That is wicked.
And soon, the wake that Ice had catered began.
- What are you doing? Is this what you're wearing? - My father's dead, Maeby.
Yeah, but you're not, and Ice is right there.
Maeby knew that if she could get her mother to have an affair she could emancipate.
All Pop-Pop ever wanted was to see you with another man besides Daddy.
You're right.
You know what? I'm gonna throw on a skirt, take off my underwear and make your Pop-Pop proud.
Let me ask Barry.
That might be enough right there.
Is Oscar wearing my suit? Hey- You tell my brother you don't wear a dead man's pants.
Shame on him.
And you say that to him.
You say, "Shame on you.
" - Okay.
- Say it to me like you're gonna say it to him.
I'm probably not gonna say it to him.
Okay.
Look at her down there.
Does she look sad to you? - Oh, my God.
That's Ann.
- Who? It's the girl who ripped my heart out the girl whose face will always be etched in my mind.
Her? She's really funny.
Well, let's hope so.
Don't forget the chicken wings! Hey! Ann! You're here.
That's great.
- I wasn't sure whether you got my message.
- It wasn't a message.
- We talked.
- Uh, Ann? Did Dad invite you? I figured life's too short.
You two care for each other.
Why throw that away? Huh? Huh? Okay.
- Do you think we really do? - A father can tell.
Okay? It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face.
And Buster arrived dressed in the military outfit Gob had procured for him.
- What the hell are you wearing? - It's all regulation, Michael.
To get the top right, the pants had to be a little snug.
To get the top right, the pants had to be a little snug.
Is there a birthday gift pile? Hmm? A birthday gift pile? Michael recalled what Buster did to what he thought was Rose's car with what he thought was Rose's favorite toy.
Hey! - Yours is the first.
- And the most wicked.
Get him out of here.
We can't let him know it's a wake.
Buster! Let's go get that coffin ready to be buried.
And so the family gathered to remember George Sr.
If anyone would like to say anything about Dad now's the time.
- Anyone.
- Anyone? Perhaps my son George Michael would like to say something.
Huh? Wanna share your feelings? Eh? - It's okay to cry, pal.
It's okay.
- Yeah? Wow.
He's really gone.
But I think that ifhe was here right now I would probably tell him that it all worked out and that, um I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls right away in heaven.
How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings? Lindsay got up to speak in an outfit her daughter had chosen.
My father meant the world to me.
Wipe, Mom.
Give it a wipe.
That's a home run.
And finally, Michael got up to speak.
I had a very complicated relationship with my father.
Ice, can we- can we just cool it on the smoothies for right now? There are smoothies? I could never trust my father.
But I always want my son to be able to trust me so from now on we're always gonna be honest with each other.
Okay? 'Cause there's nobody I love more than you in this whole world.
Michael, listen, can we move the eulogy outside so I can time being lowered into Dad's grave with your big finish? - I'm done.
- Wow.
That was your eulogy? Glad Dad wasn't around to see that.
- That was great.
- Well, I meant it.
So no more secret trips up to the attic.
Right? George Michael didn't want to betray his grandfather but it appeared his father already knew the truth.
- I have Pop-Pop in the attic.
- What? The mere fact that you call making love "pop-pop" tells me you're not ready.
Hey! Before we lose the sun! Come on.
The speeches we heard today are nothing more than words.
But I will prove that I love my father more than anybody.
Buster! Stop it! As you can see, this is a normal coffin.
Take me halfway around.
I will become my dead father's body as I am lowered into his grave.
- All right.
Spin it back around.
- Dead father? Is he de- Dad's dead? Just keep it together, Buster, and spin this back around.
Oh, my God! The card! The card! Something's gone wrong.
How about that? Michael noticed something in the dirt.
Glisten.
And suddenly he realized what his son meant when he said he had Pop-Pop in the attic.
Dad? Dad.
How you doin', Michael? Uh, hey, but your father's alive, Michael.
He's alive.
- How could you do this to us? - I had no choice.
My brother is with Lucille.
She's destroying the family.
You put the entire business in peril, you escape from prison, then make us think you've died? L-l-I'm an innocent man, Michael.
I'm a patsy.
L- I signed some documents- I thought they were gonna kill me.
Don't turn me in.
Okay? Can you help me out? And for a moment Michael was conflicted.
Well, I'm not gonna let you stay here and make my son an accomplice.
Okay? I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna let you spread your guilt to him.
Ice, my mother has something to tell you.
- I find you very attractive.
- She cleans up nice too.
Trust me.
Uh, I think I'm finally off the clock.
I'm out of here, right? Hi.
Dad's alive.
He's hiding in the attic.
- He's upstairs? - Oh, my God! Dad? He's gone.
Stack the chafing dishes outside by the mailbox.
I'm on the job.
I can't seem to give this away.
I can't believe it! And I just found the will! Can someone explain to me what's going on? Thanks, Mikey.
Yeah.
Well, now it's our secret.
And Michael met up with his son, their roles now reversed.
I'm sorry.
From now on we'll just tell the truth to each other.
- We're gonna try.
- Yeah.
So, wait, obviously Ann wasn't in the attic.
- So you actually did break up with her? - She broke up with me.
The great thing is, she was so moved by what you said tonight that we're back together.
- Ah! - Yeah! Oh, is that great.
Well, we're family, and we stick together, huh? Hmm.
Okay, let's go dig up your uncle.
On the next Arrested Development Buster finds out about the death of Captain Kangaroo.
Michael grows weary of caring for his father.
No, Pop-Pop does not get a treat.
I just brought you a- pizza.
And Gob finally makes the cover of Poof magazine.