Ash vs Evil Dead (2015) s02e04 Episode Script

1 Oh, God! Oh, God! I'm in the butt! But I don't see the book.
Where is it? It's locked up in the Delta, safe and sound.
I cannot believe you guys jacked this from Ashy Slashy.
LACEY: Are you insane? "Misatra.
" - [Amber screams.]
- What the fuck was that?! Ah! Stop it! What is your genius plan for getting the book back? Throw one of our epic parties tonight.
And the kids who stole your car will show up.
RUBY: We might not be able to find the book, but we can go after the ones who are searching for it.
- [growling.]
Mama.
- Then let's go kill your kids.
ASH: What the rice and beans is he doing here? - [Deadite Amber growling.]
- [Brock yelling.]
Help! Believe it or not Dad, this is my day job.
[screams.]
Ashy Slashy's going to kill us all! Hey, relax! Everything's fine! - [crowd screaming.]
- BROCK: My son is a hero.
You hear me? He's a hero! You really mean that, Dad? - I was wrong.
- [banging, horn honking.]
[dramatic music playing.]
Ah, Dad.
You can't be dead now.
Not after everything we've been through, with all the bitterness, and the hatred and and now we finally made peace with each other.
I'm so sorry, Jefe.
You're right, it's not fair.
Fate is a cruel mistress, Pablo.
Everyone I've ever loved has been taken from me.
Next time it's going to be you, or Kelly, or Eli, or oh, no, that's pretty much it, but one of you three, no doubt about it.
Don't worry.
I'm done letting fate choose for me.
From now on, I'm grabbing the bull by the horns, Jefe.
Won't make a pube hair of difference, Pablo.
My advice, think of your life as a good time, not a long time.
No, thank you.
You're welcome.
Well, Pop I guess it's time to ride the pale horse, up to the discount hardware store in the sky.
[squishing.]
[Ash grunting.]
Pablo, you don't see another eyeball around here, do you? - No.
- [car rumbling.]
But I think your plan worked.
[brakes squeal.]
Baby, baby, baby! Those punks are gonna pay.
I got this.
Bull by the horns, Jefe! Pablo! - [engine revving.]
- [muffled screaming.]
[rock music playing on car stereo.]
No, it's not me, I swear to God! What the fuck is going on?! - [Pablo yelling, grunting.]
- [Lacey screaming.]
Get out of there! Ash! The Delta, it's possessed! - [screaming continues.]
- [engine revving.]
Possessed.
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on, baby.
Not you.
- feel the noise - [rumbling.]
- Girls, rock your boys - No.
What are you doing? - We get wild, wild - No.
Back off! Not you.
Come on! Not the classic.
[tires screeching.]
- You can't be possessed! - Come on, feel the noise Not you! Girls, rock your boys No! - Uh, no! - We get wild - No.
- Wild, wild - [splattering.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [wind blowing.]
- [cat screeching.]
Hey, Chet! - Hey, man! - Hey, how you doing, buddy? Uh, yeah! Hey, listen.
Uh, I got to borrow your wheels, is that cool? Mm.
[with slurred speech.]
Absolutely.
As long as we're going down Mammary Lane.
Oh, sure.
We can reminisce later.
No, Mammary Lane? The titty bar! - Oh, Mammary Lane! - Remember? - Yeah! - Sure, yeah.
They got great lighting.
Man, I love having you back in town! Right.
Hey, let's get going.
- What do you say? - Yeah, okay.
- And, oh, oh, shit.
- [keys jingling.]
That's not the oh, here.
I got, no.
Yeah, that's it.
- That's the - Try that one.
- Okay, come on.
- [keys clattering.]
Shit.
Oh! Hey, you know what? Chet, I got a great idea.
If I drive, you can keep pounding brewskies the whole time.
I can stay hydrated! - Exactly.
Great idea.
- Yes! - Okay! - Okay, go that way.
- Okay.
Here we go.
- Yeah, that's it.
- [Chet grunting.]
- [engine revving.]
Take off! To the Great White North! Take off! It's a beauty way to go Take off! To the Great White North! Take off! It's a beauty way to go [engine revving.]
We're going to die here.
This car's going to kill us.
- [tires screeching.]
- [both gasping.]
- Oh! - Oh! - [grunting.]
- There's no use! There's no controlling it! Hey, uh, I'm Pablo.
Uh, what's your name? Lacey! Listen, we're-we're going to figure all of this out.
[tires screeching.]
[sobbing.]
Why is this happening to me?! Yeah, welcome to my world.
[tires screeching.]
[grunting.]
Busted! Dude, there's a chainsaw in my backseat.
Yeah, that's mine.
What's it for? Um ice sculpture? Oh.
And the shotgun? Uh, that's mine too.
What's that for? In case they don't pay for the ice sculpture.
- Oh.
- Huh? Yeah.
[tires screeching.]
Wait.
Oh, dude! No! You passed it, man.
Mammary's is the other way! - [tires screeching.]
- Oh, uh, no, no, no.
Chet, uh, hey, I just remembered that, uh, they had to close Mammary Lane down.
- Huh? - Yeah, asbestos in the poles.
Chicks were getting, uh, rashes on their hoochie-ma-kooters.
But hey, don't sweat it.
I got another place.
Hey Chet, uh, keep your eye out for the Delta, can you? - Yeah.
- On our way there? Yeah.
[tires screech.]
[door closing.]
Where are the guns at? [sighing.]
Impressive.
We weren't intending to stockpile an arsenal, but you know what they say, "When in Jacksonville" We got to move.
In the time we've wasted, my spawn could have found the book.
And if they've already raised Baal - [Kelly sighs.]
- What? Every time you talk about this "Baal," you trail off, which is really annoying by the way, but it makes me think that you're hiding something.
I'm not hiding anything.
It's just Baal has a power over me.
And not just me, everyone.
Yeah, he's a demon.
That makes sense.
He's not a typical demon.
Baal doesn't use brute force, he breeds paranoia.
He-he gets into people's psyches, turning them against each other, until they annihilate themselves.
[clicks tongue.]
Well, you sure can pick 'em.
I didn't pick him, that's the point.
He is seductive, and he's manipulative.
You just can't resist him.
And I'm afraid that if we do not get to my spawn before they raise Baal, I will not have the strength to fight him.
No, you just think that way because you've been fighting alone for thousands of years.
But now you got me.
Okay? I promise I will help you kill your spawn.
Just tell me what we need to do.
- [engine revving.]
- [tires screeching.]
- Oh my God, no! - [Pablo grunting.]
[evil laughter.]
What the fuck is that?! No way.
- [Lacey gasping.]
- You! - [tires screeching.]
- [both yelling.]
- Shit! - [Lacey whimpering.]
Please make it stop! Please make it stop! You okay? [in deep voice.]
Forget her, Pablo! This is about you, and me! What the hell is that thing? It's just a stupid book, that talks and does evil things.
- [Pablo yelling.]
- Pablo! - Oh, oh! - Oh, shit, oh! Tell her the truth! Tell her our destinies are intertwined.
That we're bound by the most powerful force imaginable.
Embrace the truth, Pablo! Look at yourself! [gasps.]
Pablo, look out! - [horn honking.]
- Pablo! - [tires screeching.]
- [glass shattering.]
[gasping.]
[retching.]
[yelling.]
[metal scraping.]
Uh, shit! - [grunting.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
[yelling.]
- Pablo! - Ash! I, uh need you - Whoa, whoa.
- I'm scared.
- I got you, buddy.
- No! [groaning.]
Ah, shit! [panting.]
- Jefe - Okay, I'm going to pull it out! Let's go for it.
Okay.
[voice echoing.]
You ready? Hang on now.
[groaning, screaming.]
- Okay, okay! - No! - Uh, can't help not that way.
- That's not going to work.
- Okay, hold on.
- [gasping.]
[Pablo groaning.]
[screaming.]
[grunting.]
[panting, screaming.]
Don't worry.
It's okay, we got it worked out.
All right? We're going to take care of this.
What you need, is some sleep.
You need to rest, right over here, in the trunk, it's really nice in there.
- So well, Pablo - What? Why in the trunk, Jefe? Because we have to.
- No.
- I want you to trust me on this.
There we go, just get in the trunk.
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [yelling.]
No, no! Jefe! No! Please! You want to be free of that book? Then you get in the goddamn trunk! [Pablo gasping.]
Okay.
Sorry, Jefe.
Please! See you on the other side, amigo.
No! Pablo? Hey! Pablo, get up! What are you doing? Get up! Someone's following us.
Someone is following us.
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- Chet, there it is! - The Delta.
- Huh? [engine revving.]
Chet, sit back! What's that for? - [gunshot.]
- [metal clanging.]
Oh! Sweet monkey Jesus, Ash! What's your problem?! Take the wheel! How do you think I feel? - Take the wheel! - I'm going to take the wheel! Chet, take the gun! Okay, yeah.
I got you! [Chet yelling.]
Ah, ah, no! Give me the gun! He's going to shoot again! [both yelling.]
[both yelling.]
Whoa.
[Chet grunting.]
Shit! - [brakes screeching.]
- Whoa, whoa.
Whoa! - What are you doing?! - What are you doing?! All right, Chet, I got to come clean.
We're-we're not going to a titty bar.
But then [car doors closing.]
- Where? - You want to know? Yes.
Okay, I'll give you the abridged version.
- Good.
- There's an evil book.
It possessed my car, then it killed my dad.
There's little demons who want the book.
I can't let them get that book, because if they do, they'll use the book to summon a bigger demon.
That's the whole story.
Okay, man.
Come on.
Let's kill us some demons! Yeah! No.
Sorry, Chet.
This is the end of the road for you.
What? No, man.
Come on, we're in it together till the wheels fall off, remember? There's some things a man has to do alone.
[sighing.]
Like what? Like drinking in the morning.
Like putting antifungal ointment on your - Balls.
- Yeah.
You understand me, Chet.
That's why you know, I got to do this alone.
I just got to get to the old Smash 'Em Up, take care of business, and I'll catch you on the flip-flop.
Wait a minute.
The Smash 'Em Up derby.
Oh, I get it now! Yes, because it was there, in the Delta, where I first boned Lillian Pendergrass.
Oh, uh, see, because I thought it was because that's where your dad got the Delta, and then the Delta came back to run him over, as sort of a cry for help, and then it went back to the place where, your dad originally got it, you know.
I guess it just jived with the whole cathartic symmetry of that.
Sort of a circle of life kind of a thing.
Yeah, Chet, that could work too.
Either way I think the car's going there.
- Can you drop me? - Shit yes, brother.
Bless your soul, Chet, you drunk driving angel.
[both grunting.]
- [both howling.]
- Take off! It's a beauty way to go Take off! - Step on it, Chet! - To the Great White North! - Let's go! - Take off, it's a [engine revving.]
- [eerie music playing.]
- [pipes rattling.]
[hissing.]
Smells like Ash's trailer.
My children have been nesting in here.
Stop calling them that.
They're not your children anymore.
[suspenseful music playing.]
[rattling.]
[hissing.]
[whispering.]
I can feel them.
- [growling.]
- [zapping.]
[sniffing.]
Nope.
Synthetic.
From some cheap, imported rice burner.
[sniffing.]
Pennzoil Platinum.
Hello, baby.
Little overdue for a valve job.
But you're close.
[zapping.]
[electricity buzzing.]
[pipes rattling.]
- [loud banging.]
- [Kelly yelling.]
[zapping.]
[faint growling.]
- [sighing.]
- So fucking dark in here.
[rumbling.]
They could be anywhere.
- [growling.]
- [Kelly gasping.]
Run! - [Kelly yelling.]
- [Spawn growling.]
[engine revving, tires screeching.]
Get out of the way! - Hey! Get out! - Oh no! Oh! Get out! - [Delta roaring.]
- [Ash yelling.]
- Ah, shit! - [Lacey screaming.]
- [grunting.]
- [engine revving.]
Ash! - [Ash grunting.]
- [Kelly yelling.]
[Kelly grunting.]
- [gunshots.]
- [Spawn growling.]
- [growling.]
- [yelling.]
[heavy breathing.]
[Spawn growling, groaning.]
Mama.
- [gunshots.]
- [Kelly yelling.]
- [growling.]
- [gunshots.]
[evil laughter.]
Shit! Oh my God! Oh my God! - [engine revving.]
- [both yelling.]
[buzzing.]
[yelling.]
- [Lacey screaming.]
- [Pablo grunting.]
- [yelling.]
- [metal clanging.]
[Pablo and Lacey screaming.]
[Delta rumbling, engine stops.]
[both gasping.]
The doors.
Check your door! - It's open! - Okay, all right.
- Come on.
- Pablo! - [Pablo yelling.]
- [Lacey gasping.]
LACEY: Oh no! Pablo! Pablo! - [grunting.]
- [tires screeching.]
Whoa! [yelling.]
[yelling continues.]
Get off me! - PABLO: Go! - I'll get help! - [yelling.]
- [engine revving.]
- [shrieking.]
- Wait! Pablo, you can't do this! There is another way.
Cast me back to the dimension from which I came, and you get to live! - [engine revving.]
- [yelling.]
- [retching.]
- [groaning.]
What the hell is that? My word.
- [engine rumbling.]
- Good girl, ah! [yelling.]
BROCK'S VOICE: All in the ass, son.
That you, Pop?! Whoa! Got to clench those cheeks together, nice and tight.
You want me to, what?! Get them so hard you could crack a walnut on them.
Okay! [yelling.]
I'm doing it! I'm hard, Dad! I'm hard! - [Ash yelling.]
- [both grunting.]
[snarling.]
[Spawn growling.]
- [Ruby grunting.]
- [Kelly panting.]
- [growling.]
- [screaming.]
I gave you life, I can take it away.
[hissing, splattering.]
[raspy gasping.]
For what it's worth I'm proud of you.
- [Spawn growling.]
- [Kelly yelling.]
- [gasping.]
- [panting.]
Ruby! Kelly, the dagger! No! [gasping.]
Kelly! - The dagger! - I got it! - [Spawn growling.]
- [Kelly screaming.]
Ah! [grunting.]
Ah, no! - [Ruby screaming.]
- [Spawns growling.]
Ah, no! - [Delta growling.]
- [Ash grunting.]
Hang on, Pablo! Okay, what do I have to do? - Speak the word.
- [Ash yelling.]
Come on, baby! Don't make me do this! Pablo! - [tires screeching.]
- [Ash yelling.]
No.
Damn you to hell! "Amagi.
" - [chainsaw buzzing.]
- [Ash yelling.]
- [yelling.]
- [engine revving.]
- [heavy breathing.]
- [engine rumbling.]
- [Delta roaring.]
- Oh! - [panting.]
- [engine stops.]
[Spawn gasping.]
[grunts.]
[hissing.]
That was the last of them.
[whispering.]
That was the last.
[growling.]
[suspenseful music playing.]
[fire whooshing, evil laughter.]
What the hell is this? Uh, I don't know.
[growling.]
Jefe, this is it! This is how we cast the book to hell.
Well, at this point, I mean, could things get any worse? Knock yourself out.
[growling continues.]
- [Pablo grunting.]
- [Necronomicon roaring.]
[gasping.]
What? Ruby, what's wrong? The Necronomicon.
[whispering.]
It's gone.
We got to move.
[Ruby grunting.]
Okay, looks like it worked.
That's good enough for me.
[laughter.]
[slam echoing.]
Come on, Ash.
Let's go home.
Uh, at least we don't have to tow it anywhere.
This is good a final resting place as any.
Hey, you wash out your filthy mouth! I'm not going to get rid of that beautiful beast just because of a few dings.
Uh Jefe, it was possessed.
Killed a bunch of kids, and its trunk was a portal to hell.
Nothing a lube job wouldn't fix.
Um, have you seen the hood? You drove your chainsaw right into its heart.
I can buff that out.
Pablo don't worry, before you know it, she'll be as good as new.
[roaring.]
Come on, feel the noise Girls, rock your boys We get wild, wild, wild We get wild, wild, wild So come on, feel the noise Girls, rock your boys We get wild, wild, wild And you know Yeah! So you think we have a lazy time Well you should know better And I don't know why I just don't know why