Ballmastrz 9009 (2018) s02e04 Episode Script
Children of the Night Serenade...
1
Ballmastrz!
Ace: "Children of the night
serenade wet nurse of reprisal;
Scream, bloodsucker, scream!"
[Eerie music]
Gaz: [Drunkenly]
So I says to him,
"Are you gonna
make me a freaking cake,
or do I got to lick the batter
off that whisk first?"
[Laughs]
Then the cops showed up.
[Sighs]
I've often wondered if they
ever found that poor aardvark.
Uh
Ah, the sporting life!
[Sighs]
[Bell rings]
Last call.
Alright, boys.
Which one of you
lecherous lotharios
wants to waltz Gaz Digzy out
for a little
pants-off dance-off?
No. Nah.
No. Nope.
Oh, no way, Jose!
Oh, hello.
What do we have here?
Come on over
and introduce yourself to Mama.
♪♪
[Monster growls]
Bergdorf Sanguine,
shadowy gentleman.
Well, Bergdorf,
I'm Gaz Digzy.
You might
have heard of me.
I'm sort of a big deal
in these parts.
Hey, are you a musician?
You look like a musician.
I'm really feeling such
a strong connection between us.
Robot:
Closing time.
Don't got to go home,
but you can't stay here.
So what do you say, handsome,
my place or yours?
Great.
My place it is.
[Wolf howls in distance]
♪♪
Oh, ho, ho, couldn't wait,
huh, Romeo?
[Growls]
[Laughs]
Now, that tickles.
[Knocking on window]
Gaz: Ace.
Ace, open the window.
Come on.
[Drowsily]
Gaz?
Open the window, Ace.
Let me in.
[Keypad beeps]
[Distorted]
Ace, listen to me.
Don't take this
the wrong way,
but I really need
to suck on you for a bit.
[Screams]
Gaz, what in the name of Crayzar
has happened to you?
[Screams]
Suck!
[Hisses]
Suuuck!
What's all the fuss about?
Oh, oh, oh, hey, now.
Well, congratulations.
I guess dreams really
do come true, huh?
I can never unsee this.
Ew. I just barfed
in my mouth a little.
[Terrified screeching]
[Screaming]Help!
Get her off of me!
She's lost her mind!
I'm gonna suck
the life from you!
Help!
Uh, guys, I think Ace
actually needs our help.
Suck. Suck!
The master commands it!
Fan-freaking-tastic.
She's been huffing glue again,
everybody.
The master?
Who's the master?
Yes, the master.
I do the master's bidding.
You all have to answer
to the master.
Hey.
What's this mark?
Is she sick?
Whoa. That is one
far-out hickey.
That's no
ordinary hickey.
I've seen
this mark before.
There are some things in this
universe we cannot comprehend,
and yet they are true.
We're not fighting
some sort of disease here.
These marks were made
by something unspeakable.
Out there from the dread reaches
of the far frontier to live,
it feeds
off our dear friend.
Right now, Gaz lives
beyond the grace of Crayzar,
her very sanity a wanderer
in the outer darkness!
Our team captain is under
the meddling enchantment of
Drugs.
It's drugs, people.
We're talking about gas here,
am I right?
[Explosion,
electricity crackling]
[All gasp]
Master!
This dandy petunia
is the master?
Leto: Pshhh.
He doesn't look so tough.
Jump him!
Leptons, charge!
[Screeches]
Run away! I don't
want to get sucked!
[Roars]
[Hissing]
[Laughs]
Vampire:
[Laughs maniacally]
It took Gaz!
[Sobbing]
Our poor Gaz!
Sweet tears of Crayzar,
what was that abomination?
That was Vampire.
[All gasp]
The vampire
horrible, parasitic beasts
that haunt the remote
hinterlands of the far frontier.
No one knows
if they're mutants, demons,
or monsters from the stars.
This one has seduced our Gaz!
Wow, Dee.
How do you know
all this creepy stuff?
This role of illustrious athlete
wasn't my first job.
So, I guess I was going through
a bit of a goth period.
I answered a classifieds listing
for a position in pest control.
It was in the boondocks,
and turnover was pretty high,
which should have
been a red flag,
but I took the gig
on account of the recession.
The hours were crap,
but it paid off
all my student loans in no time.
I was a hero of consummate skill
and unearthly grace,
feared and despised
by bloodsuckers everywhere!
The terrors in the dark
grew to fear the name
Vampire Hunter Dee Dee.
Dee Dee:
No, silly.
Far Frontier
Pest Solutions, Inc.
But, hey,
that has a nice ring to it.
It could totally stick.
The hour has come to take up
the sword once more.
Dee, are you, like, half vampire
with superpowers or something?
Nope.
I'm just a badass.
Deal with it.
[Engine roars]
Gaz has been taken
as the bride of Vampire.
We have to reach her before
they consummate at the union!
Are you sure this isn't just
a fool's errand we're doing?
I mean, who's to say she hasn't
boned that freak already?
I mean, this is Gaz
we're talking about, right?
All:
Baby Ball!
Alright. Alright.
Jeez.
[Grunts]
[Monsters growl and screech]
[Screams]
Yah!
Hi-yah!
Ah!
Haaaaa!
[Screeches]
Yah! Wah!
[Giggles]
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
[Monsters growl]
Ace:
[Laughs]
[Screeches]
Ah!
[Screams]
[All scream]
Ballmastrz.
[Laughs]
[Chains rattle]
[Flesh squelches]
[Screams]
[Laughs]
[Groaning]
Yah!
[Screams]
[Sips chalice]
Mmmm.
Ah!
[Chuckles nefariously]
Gaz: Must clean. Vampire: Yes.
Must clean for the master. Yes.
Everything spotless, quality
service, unmatched value.
Yes.
Release our friend
from your wicked spell,
or taste my blade!
[Laughs]
We're trapped!
Gaz is our only hope.
We have to rally the strength
of her own inner spirit
to break the curse!
Yeah, appeal to her sense
of self-worth and dignity!
Oh, good luck with that!
Fight it, Gaz!
Don't give into
this manipulator.
You've never bent the knee
in servitude to a man before!
This guy is definitely
not worth it!
[Sips chalice]
Meh!
Gaz:
Must clean.
[Laughs]
Must clean.
Must clean.
[Sips chalice, sighs]
Must clean.
♪♪
[Laughing maniacally]
Don't give in, Gaz!
Don't lose the true you!
[Growls]
Oh, I can't look!
He's gonna drink her blood!
[Echoing]
Drink her blood.
Drink her blood.
Drink her blood.
Must Must drink.
Must drink!
Damn, I need a drink.
[Growling]
Yuck!
The Bride of Vampire is
officially filing for divorce.
[Screams]
Now's our chance!
Ball
Yah!
mastrz.
♪♪
[Groans]
[Exclaims]
[Screams]
Die, vampire scum!
♪♪
♪♪
Oh, Gaz,
I hope in the future
you'll show
a little more discretion
in your choice
of potential suitors.
What can I say?
When choosing between two evils,
I always like to try the one
I've never tried before.
[Laughs]
Oh, Gaz.
Incorrigible, floozy.
My kind of gal!
I generally avoid temptation
unless I can't resist it.
What I meant to say is
stop picking up shady losers in
dive bars when you're hammered!
Alright.
I get it.
I dodged a real bullet
with this one,
but enough with the lectures.
Let's celebrate!
I'm a free woman!
Who's down for body shots?
[Cheers]
♪♪
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.
Ballmastrz!
Ace: "Children of the night
serenade wet nurse of reprisal;
Scream, bloodsucker, scream!"
[Eerie music]
Gaz: [Drunkenly]
So I says to him,
"Are you gonna
make me a freaking cake,
or do I got to lick the batter
off that whisk first?"
[Laughs]
Then the cops showed up.
[Sighs]
I've often wondered if they
ever found that poor aardvark.
Uh
Ah, the sporting life!
[Sighs]
[Bell rings]
Last call.
Alright, boys.
Which one of you
lecherous lotharios
wants to waltz Gaz Digzy out
for a little
pants-off dance-off?
No. Nah.
No. Nope.
Oh, no way, Jose!
Oh, hello.
What do we have here?
Come on over
and introduce yourself to Mama.
♪♪
[Monster growls]
Bergdorf Sanguine,
shadowy gentleman.
Well, Bergdorf,
I'm Gaz Digzy.
You might
have heard of me.
I'm sort of a big deal
in these parts.
Hey, are you a musician?
You look like a musician.
I'm really feeling such
a strong connection between us.
Robot:
Closing time.
Don't got to go home,
but you can't stay here.
So what do you say, handsome,
my place or yours?
Great.
My place it is.
[Wolf howls in distance]
♪♪
Oh, ho, ho, couldn't wait,
huh, Romeo?
[Growls]
[Laughs]
Now, that tickles.
[Knocking on window]
Gaz: Ace.
Ace, open the window.
Come on.
[Drowsily]
Gaz?
Open the window, Ace.
Let me in.
[Keypad beeps]
[Distorted]
Ace, listen to me.
Don't take this
the wrong way,
but I really need
to suck on you for a bit.
[Screams]
Gaz, what in the name of Crayzar
has happened to you?
[Screams]
Suck!
[Hisses]
Suuuck!
What's all the fuss about?
Oh, oh, oh, hey, now.
Well, congratulations.
I guess dreams really
do come true, huh?
I can never unsee this.
Ew. I just barfed
in my mouth a little.
[Terrified screeching]
[Screaming]Help!
Get her off of me!
She's lost her mind!
I'm gonna suck
the life from you!
Help!
Uh, guys, I think Ace
actually needs our help.
Suck. Suck!
The master commands it!
Fan-freaking-tastic.
She's been huffing glue again,
everybody.
The master?
Who's the master?
Yes, the master.
I do the master's bidding.
You all have to answer
to the master.
Hey.
What's this mark?
Is she sick?
Whoa. That is one
far-out hickey.
That's no
ordinary hickey.
I've seen
this mark before.
There are some things in this
universe we cannot comprehend,
and yet they are true.
We're not fighting
some sort of disease here.
These marks were made
by something unspeakable.
Out there from the dread reaches
of the far frontier to live,
it feeds
off our dear friend.
Right now, Gaz lives
beyond the grace of Crayzar,
her very sanity a wanderer
in the outer darkness!
Our team captain is under
the meddling enchantment of
Drugs.
It's drugs, people.
We're talking about gas here,
am I right?
[Explosion,
electricity crackling]
[All gasp]
Master!
This dandy petunia
is the master?
Leto: Pshhh.
He doesn't look so tough.
Jump him!
Leptons, charge!
[Screeches]
Run away! I don't
want to get sucked!
[Roars]
[Hissing]
[Laughs]
Vampire:
[Laughs maniacally]
It took Gaz!
[Sobbing]
Our poor Gaz!
Sweet tears of Crayzar,
what was that abomination?
That was Vampire.
[All gasp]
The vampire
horrible, parasitic beasts
that haunt the remote
hinterlands of the far frontier.
No one knows
if they're mutants, demons,
or monsters from the stars.
This one has seduced our Gaz!
Wow, Dee.
How do you know
all this creepy stuff?
This role of illustrious athlete
wasn't my first job.
So, I guess I was going through
a bit of a goth period.
I answered a classifieds listing
for a position in pest control.
It was in the boondocks,
and turnover was pretty high,
which should have
been a red flag,
but I took the gig
on account of the recession.
The hours were crap,
but it paid off
all my student loans in no time.
I was a hero of consummate skill
and unearthly grace,
feared and despised
by bloodsuckers everywhere!
The terrors in the dark
grew to fear the name
Vampire Hunter Dee Dee.
Dee Dee:
No, silly.
Far Frontier
Pest Solutions, Inc.
But, hey,
that has a nice ring to it.
It could totally stick.
The hour has come to take up
the sword once more.
Dee, are you, like, half vampire
with superpowers or something?
Nope.
I'm just a badass.
Deal with it.
[Engine roars]
Gaz has been taken
as the bride of Vampire.
We have to reach her before
they consummate at the union!
Are you sure this isn't just
a fool's errand we're doing?
I mean, who's to say she hasn't
boned that freak already?
I mean, this is Gaz
we're talking about, right?
All:
Baby Ball!
Alright. Alright.
Jeez.
[Grunts]
[Monsters growl and screech]
[Screams]
Yah!
Hi-yah!
Ah!
Haaaaa!
[Screeches]
Yah! Wah!
[Giggles]
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
[Monsters growl]
Ace:
[Laughs]
[Screeches]
Ah!
[Screams]
[All scream]
Ballmastrz.
[Laughs]
[Chains rattle]
[Flesh squelches]
[Screams]
[Laughs]
[Groaning]
Yah!
[Screams]
[Sips chalice]
Mmmm.
Ah!
[Chuckles nefariously]
Gaz: Must clean. Vampire: Yes.
Must clean for the master. Yes.
Everything spotless, quality
service, unmatched value.
Yes.
Release our friend
from your wicked spell,
or taste my blade!
[Laughs]
We're trapped!
Gaz is our only hope.
We have to rally the strength
of her own inner spirit
to break the curse!
Yeah, appeal to her sense
of self-worth and dignity!
Oh, good luck with that!
Fight it, Gaz!
Don't give into
this manipulator.
You've never bent the knee
in servitude to a man before!
This guy is definitely
not worth it!
[Sips chalice]
Meh!
Gaz:
Must clean.
[Laughs]
Must clean.
Must clean.
[Sips chalice, sighs]
Must clean.
♪♪
[Laughing maniacally]
Don't give in, Gaz!
Don't lose the true you!
[Growls]
Oh, I can't look!
He's gonna drink her blood!
[Echoing]
Drink her blood.
Drink her blood.
Drink her blood.
Must Must drink.
Must drink!
Damn, I need a drink.
[Growling]
Yuck!
The Bride of Vampire is
officially filing for divorce.
[Screams]
Now's our chance!
Ball
Yah!
mastrz.
♪♪
[Groans]
[Exclaims]
[Screams]
Die, vampire scum!
♪♪
♪♪
Oh, Gaz,
I hope in the future
you'll show
a little more discretion
in your choice
of potential suitors.
What can I say?
When choosing between two evils,
I always like to try the one
I've never tried before.
[Laughs]
Oh, Gaz.
Incorrigible, floozy.
My kind of gal!
I generally avoid temptation
unless I can't resist it.
What I meant to say is
stop picking up shady losers in
dive bars when you're hammered!
Alright.
I get it.
I dodged a real bullet
with this one,
but enough with the lectures.
Let's celebrate!
I'm a free woman!
Who's down for body shots?
[Cheers]
♪♪
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.