Big Nate (2022) s02e04 Episode Script

[rock music]
Are you a fan
of Beardy Yum Yums?
- all: Yeah!
- Well, too bad,
because there's a new
snack favorite in town.
Introducing
the new and improved
Flavor Blasted
Beardy Yum Yums--
now with twice the flavor
and twice the beard!
And for the first time,
the Eew Corporation
has made their delicious
beard snack 100% organic!
Organic power!
♪
all: Ah!
Made from
sustainable ingredients,
Organic Flavor Blasted
Beardy Yum Yums
are a healthy alternative
that can be eaten
whenever and wherever
the urge hits you.
[medical device beeping]
After a ten-hour surgery,
I can sure use a pick-me-up.
[chips crunch]
Thanks, Eew Corp.
When you're a long way
from home, it's nice to know
there's a healthy snack
you can count on.
Thanks, Eew Corp.
Ah--
[screams]
Organic Flavor Blasted
Beardy Yum Yums,
the nourishing beard treat
the whole family can enjoy.
all: Mmm!
That's good beard!
Only available
in Eew Corporation-branded
vending machines.
Demand your office, school,
fitness center
or local hospital
install one today!
[laughs]
This is it!
This is how
I will be remembered!
I will bring Organic
Flavor Blasted Beardy Yum Yums
to PS 38!
This is my legacy!
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot,
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate! ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
Principal Nichols, PS 38
deserves a new snack machine,
something we can be proud of,
filled with wholesome,
organic snacks,
like our forefathers intended.
Nate, I appreciate
your passion,
but we already have
a snack machine.
You mean Old Hank?
Wah, it's piercing my skin!
[suspenseful music]
[machine munches]
[screams]
Come on,
you stupid pile of junk.
Give me my Crab Doodles!
[machine rattles]
Please!
A new snack machine
could be my legacy!
Son, your legacy will be
the butt print you've left
on your favorite chair
in the detention room.
True, my butt is legendary.
But I'm talking about
what I wanna leave behind
for the school,
for the children,
for all mankind.
Nate, I'm a week away
from renting our soccer field
to grazing cattle.
We simply can't afford
a fancy new snack machine.
What if I could
raise the money?
Hmm
- [all cheering]
- Students of PS 38!
Teachers, friends!
- and Gina.
- [grunts]
Too long have we suffered
under the yolk of tyranny
known as Old Hank.
[scoffs]
Old Hank gave me coin acne!
Old Hank ate
my favorite hand!
Old Hank put my parents
in prison!
[record scratch]
Sorry, what rally
- is this again?
- I say to you
that a proper snack machine is
not just a privilege,
but a right!
That is why I, Nate Wright,
have decided to make
an Eew Corp-branded
state-of-the-art snack machine
filled with healthy Organic
Flavor Blasted Beardy Yum Yums
my legacy at PS 38!
[all cheer]
Stop!
Stop this fraud!
- all: Aw.
- Nate Wright,
you claim these snacks
are healthy,
but have you even read
the ingredients?
I don't need to, okay?
It says right on the package,
"Organic,"
which means it's true.
That's the law.
[all cheer]
Companies don't lie!
Yeah, heretic!
Stop!
Open your eyes, you pinhead!
Ah!
The road to snacking bliss
will not come without a cost!
6,000 bucks, actually.
Fortunately, I, Nate Wright,
have devised a plan
to raise the money.
All right, now, let's get out
there and make my legacy
a reality!
Montage time.
'Cause I'm on top
of the world, hey! ♪
[laughter]
Oh.
The dream always
begins the same--
I'm on a trampoline--
[both scream]
[chuckles nervously]
Bye.
[grunts]
Problems with mother begin
begin shortly
after I arrived from her womb.
[register dings]
And I know it's hard ♪
[screaming]
[register dings]
Get up now,
get up ♪
[rooster clucks]
[snickers]
Shame.
Shame.
Shame!
Adios, old timer!
Snack you later, loser!
Don't let the door hit ya
where your manufacturer
split ya!
all: Ooh!
Ah!
[majestic music]
♪
Wow!
Pretty awesome, Nate.
- Proud of you.
- Me too.
Nate Wright committing
a selfless act is
It's a stinking miracle, bro!
That's what it is.
Like heaven opened up
and said, "Eat me."
[giggles]
Thanks, guys.
Ah, what can I say?
I'm a giver.
It's who I am.
It's what I do.
♪
[all cheering]
all: Ooh!
Ah
Nate Wright,
since you are responsible
for this marvelous
snacking technology,
- I think it's only fair--
- [gasps]
If you get the first bag.
[coin shings]
Don't mind if I do.
[machine beeping]
Beardy
both: Yum Yums.
[gasps]
[inhales]
[sighs]
Stop!
[record scratches]
[groans]
Not again.
Principal Nichols, a snack
machine full of junk food
is in direct violation
of PS 38's charter.
This is clearly your
handwriting on toilet paper,
Gina, and I hope
this is brown ink.
[grunts]
Open your eyes, sheeple!
Mr. Galvin,
you're the science teacher.
You know how dangerous
these snacks can be.
Tell them!
I--I need more data
I think we've heard enough.
Remove the disbeliever!
- [all boo]
- [screams]
Twice in one day!
Why does this keep
happening to me?
[grunts]
[all cheer]
All right,
now, where were we?
[laughs]
Oh, yeah.
[munching]
Mmm, mmm.
Well?
Come on, Nate.
Tell us how it is.
[munches]
Oh, it is so good--mmm.
You know, it's
[all gasp]
[weakly] What's happening?
It's a classic
allergic reaction,
no doubt, caused by
the new organic flavor blasting
on the Beardy Yum Yums.
Shame, we just got
an Eew Corp snack machine
full of them at hospital.
They are truly
delicious and healthy.
It says so
right on the packaging.
His face won't look like
that permanently, will it?
'Cause it's kind of gross.
[groans]
No, no.
Nate will be fine
in a few days, but
no more Organic Flavor Blasted
Beardy Yum Yums,
all right, young man?
Who knows what kind of reaction
you could have next time.
[groaning]
[striking dramatic tones]
[rooster crows]
[alarm clock rings]
[frog croaks]
[glass shatters]
[dramatic music]
[whimpers]
[gasps]
[laughs]
Okay, so things didn't
exactly go as planned,
but the school
did get a new snack machine,
thanks to yours truly.
[chuckles]
Yup, that's my legacy--
wouldn't be surprised
if the school gives me
some kind of award, like
a big fancy trophy that says--
[gasps]
[all munching]
What?
[gasps]
[all munching]
[eerie music]
♪
Hey, guys.
[all munching]
Huh?
Oh, welcome back, stranger.
- Mmm.
- I see everyone's enjoying
the new snacks I got them--
everyone but me.
- Amazing.
- Oh, yeah.
- The best thing I ever tasted.
- Game changer.
Francis, you too?
I thought you hated
Beardy Yum Yums.
I did, but not anymore!
These are amazing!
It must be
because they're organic.
Oh, I love being healthy!
[all munching]
[school bell rings]
[all munching]
E--e--excuse me,
Mrs. Godfrey?
Isn't there a
no-eating-only-learning policy
- in your room?
- Oh, yes.
There used to be, but a brain
can't live on learning alone,
my good lad.
[munches]
Sometimes, it needs to be fed
nutritious goodness.
Your degenerate brain,
of course, will go hungry
and lapse
into a vegetative state,
proving a higher power
does exist!
[munches]
[growls]
♪
[all munching]
♪
Uh, have you guys noticed
that the moment you finish
the bag, you want more?
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, it's just like the love
I desperately crave
from people of authority.
[laughs]
Oh, yeah, clearly,
we had no idea how much our
bodies needed the recommended
daily allowance
of vitamin-fortified
Beardy chunks!
[munches]
- Mmm.
- Oh, ho-ho-ho,
have you guys tried
pushing your tongues
into the back corners to get
the compacted flavor dust?
So good!
[all laugh and munch]
Okay, enough!
You guys sound like my
grandparents gumming caramels.
You do remember
I'm allergic, right?
I mean, maybe it would be nice
if you could put the bags down
so we could talk about
something--anything else.
[laughter]
Hello, children!
Good news!
Eew Corp has just refilled
our brand-new snack machine
with more healthful
and wholesome snacks.
Go get 'em
before they're gone.
[all scream]
[growling]
I just think maybe a little
moderation couldn't hurt--
you know that old saying,
"Too much of a good thing
is really annoying."
Oh, Nate, my boy,
stop being so modest.
Your legacy is a hit!
Mmm, at this rate,
I'll be able to stop selling
classroom window glass
to pay the heating bill!
And that's why cat owners
are superior to dog owners.
[car honks]
Car!
Matter of fact,
I have a surprise for you.
[striking dramatic tone]
[laughs]
You'll never be forgotten now.
[all munching]
Do you know how much damage
your legacy is doing?
These snacks are affecting
my academic career!
[eye shatters]
Excellent, Kim.
A+, Randy.
Gina--oh!
Lysistrata's sheet cake,
what is that?
It's what
you asked us to paint.
I don't think so.
- F.
- [gasps]
There's something very wrong
about these snacks, Nate!
Something not organic.
Gina?
People are changing, Nate.
Open your eyes
before it's too late.
[elevator dings]
Why is Gina heading down
to detention with Galvin?
Beardy Yum Yums.
- [all munching]
- Gina's overreacting.
The snacks can't take down
an entire school,
and I'm gonna prove it.
Hey, guys, anyone up
for some pork tetherball?
Okay, well, uh,
we could steal Godfrey's teeth.
[gags]
[screams]
[whimpers]
Stuff Mr. Rosa's pants
with nuts and let
the squirrels loose on him?
[screaming]
I--guys, I--
are you guys
even listening to me?
Sure, we are.
- What'd you say?
- Wait, is your skin oranger?
[laughs]
Good one.
[laughter]
[somber music]
♪
All I wanted was a snack ♪
A Beardy Yum Yum
to call my own ♪
It didn't seem like
too much to ask ♪
But now I'm standing
here all alone ♪
I see them eating out there ♪
Licking their fingers
while I despair ♪
So full of joy
and full of life ♪
Snacking all day
without a care ♪
But one bite, one lick ♪
And I swell and grow boils ♪
One bite, one lick ♪
My face is
scaring gargoyles ♪
So here I am,
watching all my friends ♪
Without me ♪
Bags wide open ♪
Fists all full of beard ♪
As they snack,
snack, snack ♪
And snack ♪
And suckle
on their tasty fingers ♪
I try to say,
"Maybe eat an apple ♪
"A hunk of a kale ♪
Or maybe broccoli" ♪
But they chomp, chomp,
chomp another bag ♪
I hope
their kidneys can take ♪
All that sodium! ♪
♪
[laughter]
[loud crash]
Huh?
[suspenseful music]
♪
Hey, hey, hey, hey, you guys,
what are you doing?
It's empty!
- [all growl]
- [barks]
Need more snack machine now!
I need it now!
Need more snack machine!
- [grunts]
- [grunts]
[all sniffing]
Ooh, wa-ah-ah-ah!
all: Snack machine!
Snack, snack, snack!
["Down With the Sickness"
by Disturbed]
What is happening?
[sniffs]
Machine!
[laughs]
Found new machine!
[helicopter whirs]
[all screaming]
[sirens wailing]
[cackling]
[helicopters whirring]
Deep in my sea
of loathing ♪
[cackles]
[screaming]
I kneel ♪
Whoa!
[panting]
- Gina?
- [whispering] Quiet,
you pinhead!
- They'll hear you.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you one of them?
[screams]
[loud explosion booms]
Of course not.
I read the ingredients, moron.
Come on.
There's something
you need to see.
Ah!
[panting]
[thunder booms]
Ah!
Look out!
[whimpers]
Let me out!
- [screams]
- [gasps]
[laughs]
That kind of tickled.
Mr. Galvin?
Nate, the school--in fact,
all of Rackleff--
is in grave danger.
Show him.
[distorted voice]
Beardy Yum Yums.
[gargled screaming]
[gasps]
What have I done?
[thunder booms]
I don't understand.
How could Chad change
like that so fast?
I just saw him a few hours ago.
Chad's physiology is
not like yours or mine.
Either through heredity
or his voracious consumption
of cat meal,
Chad's body has
an extreme reaction to stimuli.
Test session number 12.
[pie squelches]
How does the strawberry pie
make you feel, Chad?
Like I want it
dipped in chocolate.
[laughs]
[air horn blares]
[eerie music]
[grunts]
Oh, no!
[munches]
- [farts]
- Hey!
[laughing]
[whimpers]
That was, like, the world's
most disturbing talent show.
Nate, this is serious.
Sorry!
I just--I--I--
I still don't understand!
How could a healthy,
organic snack cause all this?
Because
the Eew Corporation lied.
There is nothing healthy
or "organic" in their snacks.
In fact, I've discovered
that their flavor blasting
is actually
a nefarious bioweapon.
It turns the consumer
into an uncontrollable
snacking machine.
[bumbling]
Which means
more profits for them.
You were right.
I should've
read the ingredients.
[laughs]
Please say that again.
- [gasps]
- Directly into the microphone
so I can treasure it forever.
No!
Okay, okay,
so what you're telling me
is I need to hunt down
all my friends
who've got
Beardy Yum Yum Fever
and destroy them.
Where can I get a flamethrower?
There is a less-murdery way
to cure this Beardy mania!
Pee pee.
Agh, we have to pee on 'em?
Gross!
I'd rather use a flamethrower.
No, Nate, we need
to get them to stop eating
and drink water so they
will pee out the toxins.
Well, that's just great.
How do we get them
to stop eating
if they won't stop eating?
We start by getting rid
of the snack machine
you got the school, dorkis!
[sobs]
My legacy?
Beardy Yum Yum.
[gasps]
I was worried about this.
[all growling and munching]
They're de-evolving
at an accelerated pace,
hoarding snack machines
like primitive beasts.
[feral grumbling]
Now what?
There's too many snack machines
- to get rid of.
- Oh,
"get rid of."
Come on.
To the junkyard!
I think I know someone
who can help.
[grunts]
Hank, I know I hurt you.
I know you feel betrayed,
but our school--no, no, no.
You know what?
Your school is in danger.
Don't let the Eew Corp
wipe out your legacy.
Come back to PS 38.
Help us.
Nothing.
Total waste of--
Ow!
Huh?
Old Hank?
You in there, buddy?
[machine roars]
I think he's trying
to talk to us,
but I don't speak
snack machine.
Fortunately,
I happen to be fluent.
My first girlfriend
was a coffee dispenser
named Medium Grinder.
Stay on topic, Mr. G.
I believe Old Hank
wants to help.
I also think he said
a few words not appropriate
for children.
Who cares?
One washed-up old snack machine
can't save us!
We need an army!
[machine roars]
Guys, I think
we found our army.
[all grumbling and munching]
- [cymbals crashing]
- Hmm?
[all grumbling]
[Wild West music]
Hmph.
Why Nate here with that?
His name is Old Hank,
and he belongs here.
[laughter]
Oh, please, look at yourselves.
Snacks are supposed to be
a treat, not a meal.
Gina was--
[sighs]
Oh, I hate myself
for saying this.
She was--
- right.
- [chuckles]
- [gasps]
- Ingredients matter.
Eating healthy matters,
and that's not gonna happen
with evil Eew Corp
snack machines.
So what do you say, gang?
Let's put Old Hank back
where he belongs.
He may be a horribly unfriendly
and abusive snack machine,
but he's our horribly
unfriendly and abusive
snack machine!
Who's with me?
[laughter]
Nate Wright, g--go home.
Yeah, and take Nate Wright
lame machine with you.
[laughter]
Well, I'm sorry
you feel that way.
Hmph.
[machine cries out]
all: Ah!
[rock music]
I'd like you to meet
some friends of Old Hank's--
Der Wonder Wienie,
Hot Wings of Desire,
Kernel McPoppin,
The Egg'o'Nator,
Gummo,
Spew-Matic Beverage Oasis,
and Baron von Taffy Pull III.
Time to take back our school!
[screams]
Fire everything!
The danger zone ♪
[all scream]
["Danger Zone"
by Kenny Loggins]
Never say hello ♪
[all barking]
[howls]
Line overload ♪
Gina!
Mr. Galvin!
Chad!
Now!
High as you can go ♪
Ah!
[gargles]
Ooh, ah!
[grunts]
♪
Ooh, yeah ♪
♪
both: Oh, yeah!
[all cheer]
[whimpers]
I gotta go pee!
[Wild West music]
Oh, yeah, tomato.
Okay, okay.
My legacy thing was a bust.
But I did help Old Hank
secure his legacy.
You know, uh, it has its perks.
[grunting]
Should've left you
in that junkyard!
Oh!
[growls]
[screams]
[chuckles]
[all groan]
You guys starting
- to feel better?
- If you call the worst TMJ
in the world "better,"
then sure.
You know I like chewing
as much as the next guy,
but the next time
an evil corporation
takes over my mind,
I'm asking for a feeding tube.
I was actually
considering becoming a vegan
- until I saw Chad.
- Huh?
What's wrong with Chad?
Mmm, thanks for the hot bath, Zora.
FYI, these carrots
are delicious.
- [munches]
- [evil laughter]
As they snack,
snack, snack, and snack ♪
And suckle
on their tasty fingers ♪
I try to say
"Maybe eat an apple ♪
"A hunk of a kale ♪
Or maybe broccoli" ♪
But they chomp, chomp,
chomp another bag ♪
I hope
their kidneys can take ♪
All that sodium! ♪