Central Park (2020) s02e04 Episode Script

Does anyone want more waffles?
Molly, remind our mother.
What is the first rule of waffle club?
Do not stop making waffles.
Children, that rule doesn't make
any sense.
I'll eventually run out of batter.
Keep 'em coming, Mom.
I'm gonna watch Brendan practice
his indoor kite flying competition,
and I don't know
how snacks factor into that.
Did you just say
"indoor kite flying competition"?
-Yeah, why?
-Nothing.
I just have 14 questions, that's all.
Oh, boy. Oh, no.
-Dad, please, we're waffling.
-What's going on?
You know the big annual multi-school
field trip to the park that's on Friday?
You mean the only thing
you've been talking about lately?
Well, the speaker I had booked
just canceled.
The Mushroom Man?
Yeah, the Rock and Roll
Mushroom, Moss and Lichen Man.
Moss with an edge.
He realized he double-booked
the field trip with his bunion surgery.
-He chose bunions.
-Rock and roll!
Yeah. Anyway, it's fine.
I'm not panicking.
Okay, but I feel like I hear in your voice
and see in your eyes
-that you are totally panicking.
-Do you hear that?
Yeah, he's panicking.
Every year, a bunch of schools
from the outer boroughs
take a big field trip to Central Park.
It's one of Owen's
favorite days of the year,
because it's his chance to inspire
a new generation of little nature lovers.
Or as I like to call them, future Owens
and Owen ettes.
But the last few years
have been a little rough.
Come on, buddy. Come say hi.
The kids wanna see your face.
Say hi to the kids. You can do it.
Was talking into a leg hole.
Come on, buddy. Come say hi.
This year has to go well.
The superintendent strongly hinted that
they might not come back next year
if I didn't do better.
Maybe you could just be the speaker?
What? No.
We're trying to inspire kids here,
not frighten them with a nervous,
sweaty man who's bad at public speaking.
Some kids might be into that.
You're sure you can't get Ward Whitlinger?
If I could get Ward Whitlinger,
I'd get Ward Whitlinger.
That sounds fun to say.
Ward Whitlinger. I was right.
I have an old email,
but the nature center he worked at
closed or moved or something.
As far as I can tell, he's completely
off the grid, which I totally get.
He's probably replanting the rain forest
or refreezing the ice caps.
Do you think a seasoned reporter
who loves a mystery
and never backs down from a challenge
might be able to track him down?
Because you know one, and she's available
and likes seeing you succeed
almost as much as she likes seeing you
strut around in short shorts.
-He does strut.
-Does he?
If you think you can find him.
Do you think you can find him?
I know I can. I will find
your precious Dr. Ward Whitlinger.
Can someone please explain to me
what's so special
about this Dr. Ward Whitlinger?
He's only the most inspiring.
Well, he inspired me to do what I do.
And if he could turn this indoor nerd
into an outdoor nerd,
then he'd knock the socks off those kids.
When I was a little guy
I liked my little guy things
Dinosaurs and trains and macaroni art
Then I saw a man named Ward
He talked to me and my friends
And blew my tiny mind apart
He said
We live connected
On this big blue boat
And we must all pull together
To keep it afloat
Every little thing
Is like a ripple on a lake
And we can each change the world
With the paths that we take, take
-Ward
-Ward Whitlinger
-Ward is the answer
-Ooh
-If the question is who
-He could inspire the world
-Could inspire the world
-World
The answer is Ward
From that moment on
I knew what I had to do
I was like a man
Who stepped out of the dark
And then I became a little obsessed
Had one thought filling up my brain
Maybe one day
I would get to run a park
Only one direction would ever satisfy
Could never be a postman
Or a frozen yogurt guy
I looked to Ward for guidance
Along the way
Did I stalk him like a groupie?
Now, you know, who's to say?
And when I took my first test
in Environmental Science and Management
Ward was there
When I wrote that sternly worded letter
To raise awareness about clear-cut
Logging, you better believe it
-Ward was there
-Ward was there
And when I became manager
Of Central Park
The greatest moment of my life
Family stuff not included
-Ward was there
-Ward was there
To be clear, he wasn't literally there
I mean every step I took
Metaphorically
-Ward was there, Ward was there
-Ward was there, Ward was there
Whoo
-Ward
-Ward Whitlinger
-Ward is the answer
-Ooh
-If the question is who
-He could inspire the world
-Could inspire the world
-World
The answer is Ward
So, if I'm hearing this correctly,
he inspired you. A lot.
Molly, you are hearing this correctly.
I hope your mom can find him.
More than anything. No pressure, Paige.
-You buzzed?
-Not yet, I'm getting there.
Let's memoir! I'm ready to rip.
-Time to put your pokers to work.
-We're doing the memoir thing again?
Yep, we're doing the memoir thing.
Now I know where I'm going with it.
-I have my dramatic ending.
-You leave all your money to--
Buying Central Park.
I realized that's going to be my legacy.
Now, where did we leave off?
You mean, when we did this two years ago?
I have no idea. Somewhere in your past?
Oh, yes, I remember.
It was Easter, and all the eggs
were filled with hundred-dollar bills.
-We were poor then. I was 11.
-We're starting?
My father was very excited for me to
be friends with a girl named Tommasina,
whose family ran a textile company.
I got along with Tommasina just fine,
even though she smelled of starch
and had a face like a frying pan.
-Why don't I hear typing?
-Because I wasn't sitting at the desk yet,
and there wasn't any paper
in the typewriter or in the desk.
And computers exist.
Computers are for nerds, Helen.
Oh, forget Tommasina.
I want to write about the time my brother,
Ambrose,
broke a vase in the foyer
and he blamed the maid.
That sounds like a great story.
We fired the maid. So sad.
After that, we got a new maid,
and everything went back to normal.
-I'll just type without paper.
-The new maid, she was fun.
I used to hold on to her hair,
and I'd just swing like a little monkey.
I'll be honest, I'm a little surprised
you wanted to come
to watch Brendan practice
his indoor kite flying routine.
Are you kidding me?
"Indoor kite flying routine."
What do those four words even mean?
I don't know, and I have to find out.
It sounds like the most incredible thing
in the universe.
Really? That's nice.
It's hard for me to tell.
I wanna be supportive,
-because Brendan and I are maybe dating.
-Maybe dating?
Yes. That's the technical term for it.
It's the step
before almost totally dating.
Sounds romantic.
Anyway, if you're maybe dating,
you've gotta really bring it.
You've gotta be supportive.
Super supportive.
-Maybe more than at any other phase.
-I'll support you supporting him.
Thanks. I'll support you supporting me
supporting him.
-I'm gonna win Best Supporting Sup--
-Let's not get carried away.
Well. I love this.
I didn't see you guys come in.
What do you think?
Does it look okay? Hard for me to tell,
since I'm the one doing it.
It looks really good, from my knowledge
of what it's supposed to look like.
Thanks. Glad you could come too, Cole.
I wanted to get Molly's opinion,
but having two people give
a little feedback would be super helpful.
-Brendan.
-Cole.
Is this a judged competition
with points for style,
points for required movements and points
for that extra undefinable something?
Not exactly, but kinda. Yeah.
Like the great unsung Olympic art
that is ribbon dancing?
Aka rhythmic gymnastics,
aka the swirly science?
He got really into ribbon dancing
during the last Olympics.
It's kinda like that, I guess.
-It's about the movement of the kite.
-I'm about to do my feedback.
-Yeah, for sure. And just--
-What about a costume?
Great choreography is meaningless
unless it's done inside of a costume.
Yeah. We could help you
figure out a costume.
-That'd be supportive of us.
-Oh, wow. Okay, yeah.
Fantastic.
You can yank your kite string
All you like
From day into night
Release it up
And then just reel it in
From the top of the ceiling
I will be here watching you
With the eyes of someone who
Knows what to do
You can slap your canvas
With the likes of an elaborate emblem
But a kite
Should fly resembling your delight
And your sensitive feelings
I have been here watching you
With the eyes of someone who
Knows what to do
Beauty and grace, show it in your face
Make the world around you
A fascinating place
Pull on your string
Make the moment sing
Underneath the ceiling
Of your indoor kite thing
Show in your eyes your honest surprise
And give us a smile
We've been waiting here
For quite a while
Beauty and grace, show it in your face
Make the world around you
A fascinating place
-Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do
-Ooh
Ooh
Make it a fling
An amazing thing
Just like all the greats
Who've medaled
At Olympic ribbon dancing
Beauty and grace, show it in your face
Make the world around you
A fascinating place
While the kids are busy
with their indoor kite flying,
which is not code for something else,
it's just what it sounds like,
I think,
Paige is at her desk
doing some indoor Ward finding.
Where did you go, Ward Whitlinger?
No obituary, so you're not dead.
Let's try something sexier. Tax records.
Wow, look at her go.
Let's check in on Bitsy.
As long as it's not just someone typing.
Oh, boy.
We had three mastiffs growing up.
Ambrose and I used to ride them like
ponies. Help me remember their names!
-This doesn't feel like it's a me problem.
-The names went together.
I feel like they were named after
comedians or baseball players or food.
Some group of three things.
Harpo, Chico and Groucho?
Cheddar, Swiss and Gouda?
Earth, Wind & Fire?
Those are stupid.
Did you just make those up?
Guess I'll have to call Ambrose. Ahem.
Bitsy, you're still alive?
I distinctly remember reading
your obituary and laughing.
-Didn't we laugh, Anton?
-Yes, sir, we have fun.
Very funny,
you squeezed-out tube of toothpaste.
I can't remember the name of the dogs
we had when we were kids.
-That's all I need, three simple names.
-Father preferred me.
Ambrose, don't be difficult.
It's for the memoir I'm writing.
But you probably don't understand
because you can't read.
What? I'm writing a memoir.
Been writing it for years.
What? You can't also be writing a memoir.
What's it called?
"How to Inherit Money and Be a Scaly
Little Goblin"? Don't waste your time.
Don't waste your time. Mine's almost done.
And it has our dogs' names in it.
And all of the adjectives.
-Hang up.
-Helen!
I'm literally standing next to you.
I'll be damned
if I let Ambrose finish his memoir first.
No one's gonna buy two books
about the same family.
And my story is the good one.
Put on a fresh pot of hot gin!
We're not stopping until we're done.
Or at least until we're up to the 1980s.
-I was very thin, and I was very awake.
-Cocaine?
Yes, please. Two scoops.
If we're gonna give Brendan a costume,
I think it should look like this.
That looks busy. What about this?
Space matador?
Yeah, go bold, strong.
If we go that way,
we'll need new music and choreography.
We will, but it will be totally worth it,
I think. Dang, we're supportive.
What's the matter, Dad?
Not an indoor kite fan?
Sorry. I'm just worried that
we're gonna lose the school field trip,
and that I'm bad at my job, and
the kids will think the park is boring,
and I won't inspire them
like Ward inspired me.
And I'm a little worried
they're gonna beat me up.
I can take one or two kids,
but not 200 at once.
-Dad, you could beat up so many kids.
-Thank you, Cole.
-I got him.
-What?
I got your man. I have just received
an email from Ward Whitlinger.
He's retired. He's in Nyack.
And he, quote, "Will definitely come
talk to the kids on Friday." End quote.
Paige, that's incredible. How'd you do it?
How did I do it?
-I used my sleuthing skills.
-What's that mean?
I went so deep undercover
I forgot who I really was.
-You did?
-No, Internet.
Well, you saved me. No big deal.
And you made dinner.
No big deal. Wait, what is that?
-Hot dogs and macaroni.
-Perfect. No notes.
The ketchup is like the sauce.
-We're fancy.
-Mac and dogs?
Please, just a bit. Less than that.
Little less. Thank you.
Okay, guys, staff meeting.
We're all getting fired?
I knew it, my horoscope was totally right.
What? You're firing us?
Hell no. You can't fire me. I quit.
I'm taking this place down with me.
No, no. I just wanna update
everyone on the field trip.
Wow, Fran,
you had all that locked and loaded.
Don't have to get ready
if you stay ready.
I don't wanna say the fate of the park
rests on us getting this right today,
but also maybe it does.
And maybe the fate of 200 second graders.
Which is why I'm relieved that
Dr. Ward Whitlinger
is definitely speaking today!
Just got a text from him. He's on his way!
But can I still open the show with my
"All the Trees in the Park Say Yeah" song?
Absolutely. Just maybe fewer verses.
It's called,
"All the Trees in the Park Say Yeah."
Maybe today we call it "Some of the Trees
in the Park Say Yeah"?
-How about I sing it twice as fast?
-Okay.
What else? What else?
Oh, yes!
I had a mole removed in my thirties.
It kind of looked like a pineapple
with legs.
That's worth writing about, right?
A little late in the process
to ask that question, isn't it?
Oh, please. You're just jealous.
Hello, Bitsy. How's the memoir going?
Terrible, I bet.
It's amazing. Groundbreaking.
It made Helen cry, which was gross.
I'm taking mine to the publisher
right now, because I'm done first.
Just wanted to
rub your wrinkled face in that.
What the hell?
-Oh, and one more thing.
-What?
Anton, make a fart sound.
My lips won't flap.
Of course, sir.
Helen! We've got to
get to the publisher right now.
We've only got into your thirties--
Wait. Why am I fighting this?
Sure. Let's go.
We'll add what we can on the way over.
Brendan? You okay in there?
You've been in there a while.
You know, it's perfectly natural
to have the preshow poops.
Get it all out. Be light on your feet.
Empty bowels, full heart.
What am I even doing?
I'll never remember the choreography.
You added so much.
You'll be fine.
Just remember to keep your flicks tight,
your snakes and spirals smooth,
and your throws flirty.
I still don't know
why I'm dressed as a space matador?
Because your kite is your cape,
and you're fighting a space bull.
I feel like I shouldn't have to
keep explaining that.
Yeah, okay. You're right. It--
It's just have you noticed
that no one else is wearing a costume?
That just tells me
that everyone else forgot,
which is so embarrassing for them.
Oh, no.
Is there a chance we helped too much?
"Too much"? Like that even makes sense.
I can't do it, Molly. I can't perform.
Oh, my god.
Is this one of those moments
where I realize I'm the one
who has to go out and perform?
-Is that what's happening?
-Did you suddenly develop the ability
to fly a kite indoors? Or at all?
-No, I did not.
-Okay then.
-Right. So it's not that?
-No, it isn't.
He's late. You think he knows
he's supposed to come to Central Park?
The big green one? Yeah.
Oh, boy.
The superintendent looks super cranky.
Take breaths.
-Hello.
-Dr. Whitlinger.
You're really here. I'm really
standing next to Ward Whitlinger.
Am I hugging you?
Okay, I'm hugging you.
And you're not really hugging back.
Is this too tight?
-Easy, honey. Easy.
-I'm sorry. I'm just-- I'm so excited.
Your work inspired me,
and I can't wait for you to inspire
those kids. I just--
-I feel like I'm talking a lot.
-It's okay.
You were hard to track down.
This is Paige, the tracker-downer.
Wasn't that hard. For me, anyway.
The nature center closed, huh?
Yep, we lost our funding.
They're turning it into a VR arcade.
Children stay indoors and put on goggles
and pretend they're outside.
The world is ending. No one cares.
It'll fall apart fast. I predict
less than ten years to cannibalism.
-What?
-Oh, boy.
-Hey, Owen?
-Just one second.
With everything you just said--
-Time to share the truth with the kids.
-Wait, what?
-I want to say, I didn't forget my guitar.
-Yeah, that's great.
I did, but I went back and got it.
So I have it now.
I thought I was going on first.
You were.
Hey, kids.
I used to speak to groups like this
about the importance
of nature and trees and conservation,
but I'm not gonna do that,
because it's a pointless waste of time.
Time you don't have.
I'm glad my friend Owen
asked me to be here today.
Because you'll be on the front line
as we head towards the extinction
of life on the planet.
Do you have one of those big hooks,
so we can hook him off the stage?
Seems like one of those would be helpful
in this moment.
No, I don't have a big hook-- Wait, do I?
I don't.
Take it from me, I know.
Victoria! Wait.
You can't publish that garbage.
Publish mine instead, which isn't garbage.
It's gar-great!
What an exciting morning
this is turning into.
The Brandenhams have always been
a friend of Madison Lexington Publishing,
but that doesn't mean you need to print
any old swill that falls out of the mouth
of this wrinkly bag
that's almost out of blood.
-What have you got there?
-My own memoir. It's not finished.
Well, don't worry too much
about the publication of this manuscript.
And it can only loosely be called that.
It's definitely not a book.
One page is just the word
"mango" written over and over again.
Then there's an exhaustive list
of all the pants he owns.
"Brown ones, black ones, pajama bottoms,
a swimsuit I sometimes wear as shorts."
It's almost as if someone
started writing this two days ago.
-What?
-You wilted balloon.
-I knew it. Didn't I tell you I knew it?
-You never said anything like that at all.
And, let's see, yours is
also not a book. So, two not-books.
This is a good meeting. You know,
the books that fly off the shelves these
days are the tell-alls from the help.
The maid's diary and all that.
-The help?
-Gross!
Keep it in your pants over there.
Victoria, fine. Don't publish my book.
Just tell me this,
would you say my memoir
is definitively better than my brother's?
Well, it seemed like it contained
a higher percentage of actual sentences.
-So better?
-Sure, let's say that.
I win. I win!
Eat it, Ambrose. Put it in your blender
and then warm it up and then eat it.
-Brendan? It's Molly.
-Yeah?
I wanna say I believe in you.
Does that help?
-I think I'm not coming out.
-I support that.
Molly, how dare you?
I'm sorry, Cole.
Brendan, listen. This is kind of my fault.
I just really wanted to be supportive.
Maybe too much?
I definitely didn't want you
to not want to leave the bathroom.
And I forgot to tell you something.
Earlier,
before we changed all your choreography
and made you wear a very cool
but potentially unnecessary costume.
I forgot to say, "Hey, I can't wait to see
what you do
for your indoor kite flying competition.
It's gonna be great, 'cause you're great."
-I think I skipped that part.
-Next up, Brendan Brandenham.
They're calling your name.
I'm just gonna do my old choreography,
if that's okay. It just feels more me.
No offense, Cole.
I know you put a lot of thought into it.
Sure, I get it. These people
aren't ready for the Cole-eography.
But I think I decided to wear the costume.
I like it.
I don't understand it,
but it's festive.
It is, isn't it?
-How's it going?
-Not great.
Find a place in your house
where you can stockpile canned goods
and jerky and medical supplies.
That'll give you an edge
when we have mass crop failures.
Which, honestly, will be happening
sooner rather than later.
-Is that not what you wanted?
-I can't believe it.
The man that inspired me to be me
is no longer him.
So, what are you gonna do?
You're still you, I think.
-Elwood, I need you. And that.
-My pants?
-The guitar. Follow me.
-You doing a music thing?
You need violin?
It seems like you need violin.
-Yes. I need all of it.
-It's finally happening.
The trees will get cut down anyway
So why bother? Why bother?
The birds will eventually all fly away
So why bother? Why bother?
I found it doesn't really matter
What you do
One day your funding
Turns into a pile of poo
Looks like it's every man for himself
After all
That's what it would look like
if we lost hope,
but, fortunately,
there's lots to be hopeful about.
Flowers spread beauty everywhere
But why bother? Why bother?
Trees give us shade
And help clean the air
But why bother? Why bother?
The earth may go on
No matter what we do
But we don't wanna leave it
All covered in goo
Take a nature vacation
Without any cost
And there are so many places
To hide from your boss
-Wait, what?
-Why bother?
Because the grass
Feels great on your toes
Why bother?
And you can use the leaves
If you forget your clothes
Why bother?
'Cause we need the breeze and the bees
And the geese
Need may be a strong word
Regarding the geese
Even without a memoir,
I'm still way better than my brother.
So why bother?
Is it really so important
To impress my father
Or my mother?
Why bother?
Was I speaking out loud or to myself?
-Which would you prefer?
-To myself.
Then that's what it was.
We need to pollinate, not contaminate
Let me set it straight and illustrate
That we could all suffocate
I hate to pontificate or castigate
But the fate of our state
Isn't great if we wait
And the weight'll be great
If we all hesitate
If you're on my side, just say yeah
Yeah!
I can't believe you just said yeah
Say yeah again
Yeah!
-Do you love the sun?
-Yeah!
-Do you love the rain?
-No!
-But rain helps things grow
-I guess.
-Join the refrain
-Yeah!
-That's why we bother
-Why bother?
That's why we bother, oh
That's why we bother
That's why we bother
Why bother?
That's why I bother
So we can pass along the parks
To our sons and our daughters
That's why I bother at all
Well, you kind of ruined
the whole vibe of my speech,
but I guess you made a pretty solid point
about not letting the world
go into the toilet.
At least not for a couple years.
That's great. Wait, only a couple years?
I'm gonna get home.
The canned goods
and jerky aren't gonna eat themselves.
And I might wanna take in
a little of your park on my way out.
You're gonna take a walk in my park?
You should! I would be honored.
Yeah, you know,
you inspired those kids up there.
And you inspired me.
I inspired you?
I Whitlinger-ed Ward Whitlinger?
Okay, okay. Calm down.
And the Nobel Prize for Best Field Trip
goes to Owen "Sweet Cheeks" Tillerman.
I mean,
it's an honor just to be nominated.
Not sure where the "sweet cheeks" nickname
came from.
I'm a reporter, Owen. I report the facts.
-That was something up there, huh?
-It really was.
The chemistry. You zigged, I zagged.
You sang low,
I came in high with the harmony.
-Elwood was there.
-I was.
Yeah. It worked out, I guess.
We've gotta do that again.
Soon. We should play clubs.
Clubs, like at night?
I've been thinking about a set list.
We should jam.
-I'm in.
-I have a job.
-So do I.
-Do you though?
Let's talk band names.
The Parksters. Park Benatar.
Zero Park Thirty.
-We'll talk more tomorrow.
-Probably, but not about this.
Wink, I understand.
Talk more about our band tomorrow.
Nope. See you later, guys.
If you're on my side
Just say yeah
Yeah!
I can't believe you just said yeah
Say yeah again
Yeah!
Because the grass
Feels great on your toes
Yeah!
And you can use the leaves
If you forget your clothes
Yeah.
The earth may go on
No matter what we do
But we don't wanna leave it
All covered in goo
The earth may go on
No matter what we do
But we don't wanna leave it
All covered in goo