Creamerie (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

What do you get when you fall
in love ♪
You get enough tears to fill
an ocean ♪
That's what you get ♪
For your devotion ♪
I'll never fall in love again
♪
I'll never fall in love again
♪
(soft music)
(fire crackles)
What do you get when
you give your heart ♪
You get it all broken up and
battered ♪
That's what you get ♪
A heart that shattered ♪
I'll never fall in love again
♪
(Alex cries)
I'll never fall in love again
♪
- The question we need
to be asking ourselves
is who is Lane's predator?
- Me, with a crow bar.
- No, Alex.
- The Prime Minister.
- Yes, Michelle, exactly.
- Wait, the Prime Minister?
- We have three options.
One, sit here and be
paralyzed by indecision.
Two, go back to the real safe
place.
Or three, go to Lane's boss
and expose her to the whole
country.
- And she'll listen to us why?
- Funnily enough, I had
thought of that, Alex
Guess what day it is tomorrow.
Michelle?
- It's maintenance Monday.
- Right again, Michelle.
(Michelle chuckles)
- Maintenance Monday?
- It's a monthly cleaning
day at Government House.
- So?
- So, trust me, we have an
opportunity
to have an audience
with the Prime Minister.
All those in favour of
going to the capital city
to make the P.M. make Lane
accountable for what she's done.
Say aye.
- Aye. You need to say
aye for it to count.
- Really?
- Those men died without
anyone even knowing
they still existed.
We need to change that. Aye.
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
(bright music continues)
- You know what Pip, I think
you were made for the capitol.
The prime minister is
really gonna love you.
- Do you really think so?
- Oh, I know so, you both
have really good hair
and you both wear the colour
purple
even though you shouldn't,
but you do it anyway.
And that's confidence.
- Thank you.
It's really nice to have
your support, Michelle.
Especially when everyone on the
bus
seems to fight me at every turn.
(Pip sighs)
Do you think Bobby's gonna
give us the evils forever?
- I do think so, yes.
- Well, maybe we should
- What?
- Apologize?
- What for?
- I, I don't know.
- I don't know either.
- Maybe we should air our
thoughts.
- You're right, we
should, but before we do
there's something I need to do.
(feet clacks)
(door clicks)
- Hi Bobby.
We just wanted to create some
space.
And, and open up a dialogue
for an unreserved apology for
that thing that happened
- thing that happened
on the table.
on the table.
- [Both] And that we are ready
to discuss.
when you are ready to discuss.
- There's nothing to discuss.
- Do you mean like you
don't wanna discuss with us?
- I mean, there's nothing
to discuss, I'm fine.
- Yeah, so what usually
happens with traumatized people
is that they say they're fine
but what's actually happening
is that they're bottling up
all the ick they feel inside
and covering it with
this unconcerned veneer
until one day there's too much
ick and then they explode.
- What happens to
non-traumatized people?
- Well, they say they're fine
too, but-
- So when I say I'm fine, I mean
I'm fine.
Oh, would you look at that?
It's time for you
to go over there.
- Okay, yeah.
- Okay, we'll just, we'll just
be down
He's definitely bottling.
Ah, yeah.
- 100%.
- Did you think it was
important?
- Hey, you need to stay
hydrated.
(somber music)
(Bobby sighs)
(somber music continues)
(somber music continues)
(Alex hums)
- [Alex] Can I help you?
- What are you working on?
- New theory, the baby teeth one
is toast
since my sample set got
exploded.
- Look Alex, I'm really
sorry about Jackson.
- Why? That's what you wanted.
- I, I just wanted someone's
trust.
I was all alone and he found me
for a few days there he
pretended to be my best mate
and I believed him
and I can see how he could have
been
a pretty choice brother.
If, if you want to make any
sense of this
you've probably gonna
need a military grid map.
- This means something to you.
- It looks like an MGRS code.
- Meaning?
- A military grid reference
system.
- Meaning?
- Coordinates, a location.
You used to be able to just
look the grids up online.
But now you might need a hard
copy from the library or
- Government archives.
- That would do it.
- Good morning everyone, this is
it.
- Wakey wakey.
- Welcome to the Capitol City.
Helpless position ♪
Choices and chances taken ♪
- [Pip] Reinvigorated
post-pandemic
it boasts fully renewable energy
sources
and incentives for industrial
enterprise.
I really wanna know ♪
If you feel the way I do ♪
These are the government
buildings
the seat of power, the hallowed
halls.
The real principal's office.
- Yep, we get it.
(upbeat music)
- Can I help you?
- Yes, we, oh, we're just
going to speak to the
- Okay cool, but can I help you?
- I'm sorry, you are?
- I'm the executive
receptionist.
Obviously; it's a reception
desk.
- Okay, look, we have
information in our possession
that challenges everything
we knew about the pandemic.
- You're welcome to one,
write to the PM on one
of our prepaid postcards.
Two, start a free petition
or three, wait in one of our
designated protest zones.
- Stop the lies.
- Okay, thank you.
- Bye.
(feet clacks)
- What are you gonna write in
yours?
(intense music)
- We are committee members
of the Hiro Valley Council
and I'm here to lay a complaint
about Wellness's gross
human rights violations
and the existence of men.
Time is of the essence
and I'm not leaving until I've
spoken to the Prime Minister
now.
- Excuse me, did I just hear you
mention
Wellness and human rights
violations?
- Yes, yes you did.
- Carla Tui, special counsel
to the Prime Minister.
- Pip.
- And I'm Michelle.
- Oh right, well I can
assure you the Prime Minister
always has time for human
rights.
(Jamie gags)
(mouth slurps)
- Hey, maybe you should stay on
the bus.
- Right, now's the time to stay
on the bus
after the mushroom juice,
murders and explosions.
- [Bobby] You didn't have
a choice those times.
- I don't have a choice now.
- All right, we're on.
Maintenance Monday.
- Hello, Prime Minister.
Prime Minister, hello.
Hello Prime Minister.
Does my voice sound funny?
- Do you want it to sound funny?
- No, no, like does it sound
shallow?
Like there's nothing underneath
it.
Like there's no, like oomph.
- That is how you talk, what?
- That's her, that's her voice.
- Excuse me.
- She's in here.
- Excuse me.
(intense music)
Ah ah ah ah ♪
And I run for the hills ♪
Ha ha ha ha ha ♪
And I come for the thrills ♪
Get out of there,
this is a highly
confidential cabinet meeting.
- [Prime Minister] Carla?
- Yes?
- What's up?
- Yeah, Prime Minister.
- Slay.
- Bra, bra, bra, girl.
- Your grace.
- I, we, we are, we are
committee
members from Hiro Valley
and we need to go
to your office right now.
- Now.
This is a matter of
unprecedented
national importance.
- [Michelle] We're not crazy
people.
- We can prove it.
- I am so sorry, ma'am.
- Don't be.
- [Prime Minister] I'm keen
to maintain my connection
to our regional representatives.
You get a maintenance day
support bunny
and you get a maintenance
day support bunny
and you get a maintenance
day support bunny.
- Thank you.
- Okay, I'll just put on my
little hat.
All right, hit me with the tea
honorable committee
members of Hiro Valley.
- Prime Minister, we have proof
that Lane,
the founder of Wellness
and mayor of Hiro Valley
has been holding male
survivors of the virus
in a secret underground facility
and forcibly extracting sperm
from them for her own gains.
Seven of these men perished
yesterday
and Lane is accountable for
their deaths.
Okay, I I know if you had said
this to me three weeks ago,
I would've called you crazy.
We thought all the men had died.
- We have men.
You mean humans with a Y
chromosome?
- Right, well, we thought
they had all died, until.
- Oh.
(hand thuds)
(platform whirs)
- You are gonna wanna sit down
for this.
- No, I'm all good.
- Until
- All I can see is feet, Carla.
Is that all you can see?
- Yep, just feet.
- [Pip] Until
- I'm being punked right now.
Is that it?
Right wing radio hosts.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(platform whirs)
- [Michelle] Not worth it.
Unless she's quite, quite well.
Not that it matters.
I always struggle with
since I was quite young.
It still clicks, you know,
sometimes I go upstairs
or go downstairs.
It's actually when I
tend to hear more or so.
You know the weather is a
bit cold in the morning.
- Ew Alex, no, mini croissants
are not pocket food.
- I pay my taxes.
- No you don't actually
because I do all the returns.
- Shh.
- I'm gonna take a piss.
- Don't put your sugary
grubby fingers anywhere.
Have some civic respect.
- You mean these grubby fingers?
(door thuds)
- Don't be a dick.
Cheers.
- All G, no B.
(mouth slurps)
(Bobby clears throat)
- I wanna completely and
unreservedly apologize
for the trauma and
injustice you have suffered
at the hands of unscrupulous
people.
- Thank you.
- Have you thought about
your place in society?
- My place in society?
- You're an army dude, is that
right?
- [Bobby] Yeah.
- My brother Stu was in the
army.
He told me basic training
was all about stripping away
what makes you you
so you could like follow orders.
Sounded suss to me but he
deadass saw it
as the best honour of his life.
- Actually, I can relate to
that.
- Apropo of duty and honour.
You ever hear of the
man with the golden arm?
- Sorry?
- I did my high school
exhibition on him
right before the virus hit.
James Christopher Harrison,
Aussie guy.
His blood was legit unicorn.
It had these magic antibodies in
it
that helped little babies
with blood disease glow up.
From the first year he could,
aged 18
right up until the last year
he was allowed, ripe old 81
James Harrison made over 1000
donations.
You wanna know how many
little bubbas he saved
with that unicorn blood of his?
2.5 million.
Just him and his fluids, 2.5
million.
You know where I'm going
with this, don't you?
- So what you just, you
want a piece of me too?
- Not if you agree to be the
baker.
- The baker?
- They can't take a piece of you
if you are the one making the
cake.
- With all due to respect, Prime
Minister.
This is bullshit.
- I promise you.
Doing anything to you without
your consent ain't me.
Never will we.
But here's the kicker.
The ladies making babies right
now,
their babies can't have babies
without a guy like you being the
baker.
And without a baker
we're done, as a species.
Homo sapiens extinction event.
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
That's just science.
Jimmy Harrison saved 2.5 million
people.
You could save so many more.
- Why are you doing this?
- Doing what?
- Guilt tripping me into this
game.
- No game, Bobby.
This ain't a zero sum sitch.
It's a mad win win, deadass.
Deadest freaking ass you ever
deadassed.
(members chatters)
(intense music)
(door creaks)
(door thuds)
- Come to me, military shit.
(lid clacks)
Substance reports, no.
Capital crimes, no.
Bunny report?
(intense music continues)
Investigation to the rise of
Wellness
in regional New Zealand.
(intense music continues)
(paper clacks)
(door clicks)
- Can I help you?
- Nope.
- Alex, what did you do?
- Nothing.
- Okay, fam, Carla's
arranged a safe house for you
in our new urban aeroponics
shed.
Bobby's existence will remain
confidential
until our strategists
have firmed up on comms.
- Confidential, for how long?
- Until we have a water tight
plan.
- What are you doing about Lane?
- Yeah.
- We're starting an inquiry
into all Wellness
activities in Hiro Valley.
- What, an inquiry? But we
just told you what she did.
- Yes, and we need to verify.
- Fuck the verify.
- Jamie.
- Look, you should be out there
with everything you've
got hunting her down.
- Jamie, you need to chill.
Carla's already deep dived
into the rise of Wellness.
- You mean the report that says
Wellness is a high level
concern?
- She must be referring to a
draft report.
But if mistakes have
been made, then I will-
- Oh, mistakes have been made.
You've let Wellness spread its
shitness
all over this country.
- [Pip] Alex.
- It's true and they know it.
The cult of Wellness
is spread like a cancer
because Lane has been using
stolen sperm
to convince everyone that being
well leads to more babies.
- I'll be the baker.
- I'm sorry?
- You're right, let me
go live to the nation.
Tell the full story.
- No, you can't just
go live to the nation.
- Prime Minister, for years,
years I have been searching
for this so-called safe place.
And fuck me, did that not work
out.
But it doesn't matter, you see
because I don't need to find it.
I need to make it safe for all
of us.
So call one of your press
conference thingies.
Let me tell my side of the
story.
Expose Wellness for the fuck it
is.
Then, then I will be your baker.
(upbeat intense music)
- Ma'am, with all due respect
if the public find out that
a man survived the virus
there is no knowing how they'll
react.
- Call an emergency press
conference.
I'll speak to the nation
tonight.
- But prime minister, I just-
- That's right, Carla,
I am the Prime Minister.
- I would be remiss if I did not
clarify.
Are we really gonna do this?
- Deadass.
(audience chatters)
- Have you guys seen Michelle?
- No, though she was with you.
- But if you want someone to
kiss your ass
there's a cactus over there.
- Shut up, Alex.
(feet thuds)
Put them down, it's so
disrespectful.
(button clinks)
- You look good
for someone who's been shitting
in the woods for eight years
(Bobby scoffs)
Here.
(soft music)
Stu gave that to me
before he went on tour.
- Oh.
- I miss him.
- Yeah.
(soft music continues)
- Here.
(Prime Minister chuckles)
(barrel clacks)
That thing's ancient.
Any bullets would be dust by
now.
Looks boss though.
You ready?
- [Bobby] Ready.
- Let's go make history.
(feet clacks)
(Bobby sighs)
(audience chatters)
- What? How did she-
- [Carla] Good evening everyone
and thank you for coming
at such short notice.
The Prime Minister will now
make a pressing announcement.
Prime Minister.
- Unbelievable.
(camera clicks)
- Thank you, this morning,
three ladies from Hiro Valley
came to me with an
incredible story to tell.
They're right here.
Pip, Alex, Jamie, stand
up so they can see you.
(audience gasps)
(camera clicks)
- Guys stand up, stand up, hurry
up.
(camera whirs)
- Pip, look out.
- [Prime Minister] Thank
you, you can sit down.
- What's going on?
- [Prime Minister] I was advised
to keep the story confidential.
It is a devastating truth to
hear,
but I believe the truth however,
painful
is essential to our progress as
a nation.
And like so much of our pain,
it involves a miracle.
Today I was made aware
that a human with a Y
chromosome survived the virus.
(audience gasps)
Thank you.
This person has been
victimized beyond reason
but bravely uncovered a
treasonous
and far-reaching conspiracy
that has been years in the
making.
There will be a time for
questions and a time for answers
but right now I want to promise
you
that the perpetrators will
be brought to justice.
The lies end now.
(dramatic music)
It is my honour to introduce
to you Robert O'Connor.
(audience gasps)
(valiant music)
(audience chatters)
(gun bangs)
(audience screams)
- And we have an incident here.
A man has just walked on stage
and shot the Prime Minister.
I repeat, a man has
shot the Prime Minister.
(audience screams)
- We've been set up.
(dramatic music)
(intense upbeat music)
(intense upbeat music continues)
(intense upbeat music continues)
(bright music)