Damned (2016) s02e04 Episode Script

1 I'm here, my darling! Get your fucking hands off him! This is fucking child abuse! We need to look at Wolf's teeth.
There's nothing wrong with his teeth! What is this?! Fucking Guantanamo?! No-one is going to hurt him, we just need to encourage Wolf to open his mouth.
All right, good boy.
Open your mouth.
Good boy.
Mr Kavanagh.
Let me look Oh, wow.
OK.
That's not ideal.
Ooh! Fuck! It was seeing those little children suffering that really got to me.
And that's when I turned the documentary off and I decided, there and then, that I would give up my stupid job in the stupid bank, and retrain as a social worker.
And I did.
Sorry, Mimi.
I think I might've just about given you - my entire life story there.
- Sorry, what? Oh.
When did you pop those in? As soon as we got on the bus.
Everyone.
Everyone.
This is Limahl, my foster son.
You ain't my fucking mumu! OK, bro.
It's not cool to cuss in here.
- Go fuck yourself, wanker.
- OK, that's really not cool, is it? My mum was fit, beautiful.
She wasn't some old nanfest, like this one.
Well, I don't claim to be a fashion model.
Everyone stared at my mum.
So my dad thrashed her.
Still be alive if she looked like you.
Yes, point taken.
Anyway, Limahl is with me today because I'm on Level 5, man.
- Been excluded.
- That's nothing to be proud of, is it? He's helping me today, and he's just made everyone a lovely cup of tea.
- So if you'd like to take - Fuck that.
- Why one's your computer? - Oh, that one.
- Tea for me, please.
- There you go, Martin.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, there you go.
Thank you.
I'll just grab one for Denise as well.
- Two for you.
- OK now, Ingrid, you really shouldn't have brought him in.
Well, what else was I supposed to do? He's been excluded, and he's under a child curfew.
OK, but we're going to visit the Mehmets, Ingrid.
I've had a tip-off that they're PKK.
We can't have Stormzy here tagging along, looking for a fight.
Oh, Jesus! - Poo! - What? Did Limahl make this?! Because it's classic knob-hand! He's had his hand on his crotch! This cup smells of knob! Actually, I made it.
OK, that's kind of worse.
Carol.
Fancy a cuppa? Lovely, thanks.
Someone's nicked those files.
I first noticed that data had gone missing the day Mimi arrived.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
So you think that Mimi hacked into the server and then - deleted random sets of case notes? - It was all meant to be digitised.
But what if it wasn't? And what if the files are just hanging around in boxes and she nabbed them? And what possible motive would she have for stealing a load of case notes from the late '80s? She could simply find the missing files and get all the credit? How would she have got them off the premises? Never heard of drug mules, Martin? They stick it up their (.
.
arses.
) There would have been enough data to fill several large box files.
OK, maybe she typed it all up, chucked the original files, and downloaded it on to a memory stick? Which she then stuck up her arse.
You should be very careful with this theory, Nat.
Because you could end up looking absolutely ridiculous! That's better.
Now, honestly, think it through! Charlie, we literally dropped you at school 15 minutes ago.
No, you're wrong, that is the correct use of the word "literally".
But how can you have already lost your dinner money, your house keys, and your ID card? Bet some kids flushed them down the blog again.
Someone's flushed them down the bog? Will they have to fish them out? Bet there's sick in the bog.
There's sick in the bog? Well, just tell your form tutor.
All right, I'll send Dad in to sort it out.
What?! Don't drag me into it! I've got to go home and walk that fucking puppy! All right, love.
Bye.
Well, you bought the fucking puppy.
Anyway, don't worry, you're off the hook with your daughter.
Well, you just LITERALLY told her I was going in the school.
Yeah, and when I told her you were coming in, she said, If he comes in, I'll literally kill myself.
Actually, Rose.
Can I come up and use your crapper? Use the one on second floor, all right? There's a wanky firm of architects up there.
They can enjoy your rancid wafts.
Do I have to take her? She's a dead weight.
But it was bad enough when Ingrid was claiming disability for being neutered.
Now she's getting paid twice.
Once here, and then once at some private fostering agency.
And on top of that, now she's dragging that evil kid in - for us to sort out.
- Neutered? She's an underperforming, stoopy senior resource who is going to accompany you on a client visit, not a domestic pet.
And never describe a child as evil.
But this one actually is.
You might want to lock your handbag in a drawer.
Can Rose not come with me instead? No.
Rose will divert it into a Tesco's trip, or a late break, and I'm not giving her that opportunity.
She can stay here and handle Limahl.
I just er I just want to say that I sympathise .
.
with you.
Because it must be challenging with Rose and your brother kind of You know.
I just, I would not want to mix work and family.
The thought of my brother telling everyone about me wetting the bed is a nightmare.
Not that, that's a made-up example.
Because A, I've never wet the bed in my life.
It's elly weird but I've never wet the bed.
B, Right? Just for the record, Dennis has not told Rose about you wetting the bed.
What he did tell her about, though, was the You know, the It wasn't in There were no details.
But The other thing! You know? - No, I don't know.
- Nor do I.
Now, Nitin.
Go and find out why the Mehmet family has stopped sending their child to school before she ends up on the at-risk register.
Yes, ma'am.
And Nitin.
Wash your hands.
This cup of tea you've given me smells like testes.
Can you tell me what time is Danger Mouse on today? Do you know, we're not really a service for giving schedules on television.
You can find the Radio Times or some other publication.
- You're fucking useless.
- Bye, thank you! Morning, Al, nice of you to show up.
I've been at the dentist.
Yes, well, strictly speaking, - you should be doing that at a time which doesn't impinge upon your working hours.
- Really? Well, I'm sure the child that needs to have eight extractions would agree.
Eight teeth out? - I've only got about eight left.
How old's the kid? - He's six.
Abject apologies, Al.
I steamed in there without all the information.
Cardinal sin for a social worker.
- Facts first.
- Actually, Martin, current thinking is that sometimes you have to effect an AFFL.
- Beg your puddingworth? - Act first, facts later.
The oil change post Sharon Shoesmith.
Sharon Whosmith? Oh, my God, that's like, route one social worker stuff.
Baby P, Haringey Council 2007.
Ed Bulls hung her out to dry on live TV.
Yes, it was a little joke, Mimi.
I know who she is.
How could we forget? We all had Shoesmith and Balls shoved down our throats.
Well, that's a pretty sick joke, it's inappropriate.
- No wonder this place is failing.
- I stand corrected.
Team, we can all learn a lot from young Mimi's attitude.
Her moral compass is bang on.
Ajay, now would you say you were early or late? - Late.
- Yes, you're late.
- Do you have an excuse? - My cat died.
Your cat died six months ago.
Do you think it's time you moved on? - I suppose, sir.
- All right, cut along.
- She's living with him, you know? - What? Yep.
Moved in, got kicked out of her feminist housing association collective commune or wherever she was probably living, and now she's freeloading off Martin.
Hey Al, should I take out a family file for the Wolf kid? There's a wolf kid?! Oh, my God! Wolf is the child's name.
The dentist's refusing.
- I knew that.
- There won't be any core assessments on record.
The kid's not in school.
The mother is a traveller.
I hope.
I did a dissertation about the semiotics of women in the traveller community.
Oi! Oi! Hiya.
Darren, is it? - Yeah.
- Can't let you in.
I told you before, everyone says you've got to go to the police.
No, no.
Because the police said to come back here.
- I want to help.
- OK, then Who's that? I think I remember them, what's the name? She was carrying a plant.
- Darren, there's no-one behind me.
- Oh, come on Yeah, I know that face.
- I can't I've got to shut the door now.
- Why are you doing that? I've got to.
AHHH! Why are you doing that?! Why you Doing that?! I'm going to be back! And I'll get justice, yeah?! Watch! There's no plants in here.
Rose, Rose! Come on! Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Your fucking car's has been nicked.
Very good morning to you too, Lee.
Just popped into use the bog, I came out and it had gone! Oh for God's sake.
Well don't blame me! I didn't fucking nick it! All right, what's the tail plate? The registration number? Well, they can't have gone far.
I mean, how long were you in the bog? A few minutes? No, it was a bit longer than that.
You know, quite a stubborn bowel, shit.
- Good, good.
- How does someone manage to get the car started? Must've hot-wired it.
I'm on it.
Or they could've found a spare key under the sun visor? Why would you put the spare key there? So it's easy to find.
It's there with the house key.
So whoever nicked my car can now get into our house as well? - Tremendous! - Calm down! It's not as if I wrote the address on the key ring! Don't fucking tell me to calm down.
Our home address is programmed into the satnav, you twazzock! - What's happened? - Someone's nicked my fucking car! I'll phone the cops, all right?! I've done it.
The lads are onto it.
Rose, I'll personally make sure whoever did this gets banged up.
Has anyone seen Limahl? Oh.
What, what? Oh, no, no, no! No! He wouldn't do a thing like that! He's 14! He's a baby! He threw all your furniture out the window! And he wanked into that cake! Yes, but this would be totally out of character! Limahl, Limahl! Please, please, please, please, not my Limahl! Limahl! Limahl! - Fucking Lee.
- Cut the ties.
Divorce him.
He's like an albatross in Primark trackie bottoms.
How's this happened to my life? How's this happened to any of us? I was supposed to be a famous author by now.
A place in the South of France, Booker shortlist.
Groupies desperate for you to write a haiku on their knockers? Yes! Exactly that.
So, did Dennis confirm his sister's sexual fluidity? Oh, don't put Denise's fluids in my head.
No, Denise has moved on.
Hazel, her ex-girlfriend, and who also worked for the council in bulky waste Oh, is that an actual thing? - It is real.
- Bulky waste? Yes.
It should be the name of a shop where I buy my clothes, as well, really.
But Hazel, she won't leave Denise alone.
Sexually obsessed, apparently.
Oh, sweet.
Like Fred and Rose West.
Right.
Yep.
OK, yeah.
Great, thank you.
The lads have got Limahl down at the station.
He's OK.
Oh, thank God.
Thank God.
Let's hope nobody wants to press charges.
You're lucky.
Could've been carnage.
I grew up with boys like him.
They can smell your fear.
You need to get a grip.
- Teach him who's in charge.
- Right.
- Otherwise I'll be around at your flat.
I was hoping to be invited because you've been missing for days.
You'll be on the floor, shank in your neck, dead.
Blood everywhere.
I've seen it before.
Well, not exactly that.
Same thing with this Mehmet family.
Don't let them smell you.
Your fear, not you.
Just man up.
- Or woman up.
- OK.
- Hello, fellas.
- Gentlemen.
- Nice pipes.
Are either of you Mr Mehmet? He's inside, I think.
Good day for it.
Mr Mehmet? I'm Nitin Palavan from Children's Services.
- Oh, oh! - Careful, Nitin.
Just get out of here! - Just get out of here.
- Erm Er Come on! - Ingrid! - Now, I'm I'm sure you've all got a very good reason for trying to intimidate myself and my colleague.
Perhaps you've been persecuted, or you've got very small penises.
I, I, all I care about is, is that child, and why she isn't at school.
Yes, we do want to press charges! That car's my livelihood! And I'm going to lose a whole day's fares, if you don't get this sorted.
How much damage is there? Oh, not much to the car, but he totalled two council wheelie bins.
Drove into a recycling bank.
Can't your lads just give him a good copper's bollocking, and then we all move on? No? There is something else that you might find a bit, erm - .
.
upsetting.
- Oh, God.
A dead body in the back? - Worse.
- You know, I'm wondering if we need to have I don't know how it got there, but when we opened the boot, we found nine large, plastic bottles of urine, and, roughly, eight Tupperware boxes of .
.
human faecal shit.
- That's quite an unusual packed lunch, isn't it? - Mm.
All right, don't, don't worry.
I won't tell Denise and everyone that you ran away.
I didn't.
It was a tactical move.
I was running away to get help, but, for the record, you should probably - give me the lowdown on what you saw in there.
- OK.
Narcotics, shooters, butterfly knives, drones? - No.
- Hi-tech ammunition? Just, er, some women and babies, and the little girl.
She's a selective mute, so, she's not been talking, and that's why the Mehmets have taken her out of school.
They were definitely up to something.
We should keep them on high alert.
By the way, when did you learn to speak Turkish? - Oh, gap year.
- You, you went on a gap year? No.
No, no, I just worked in Gap for a year.
- Oh, makes sense.
- Yeah, for a Turkish manager.
I didn't, didn't really need to learn Turkish, because, - mainly, we just spoke the international language of sex.
- What? Hi, Nat.
Martin had to go off to a meeting, but he told me to come and give you a hand.
I'm fine, and I prefer to be called Natalie by people I don't know.
We've met before, but, erm, I actually wanted to give you some advice.
I was just wondering if you'd ever thought about recording the meetings and doing a digital transcript, instead? It was just a suggestion, because you, you always look like you're struggling with the notes.
I'm not criticising.
I couldn't do it.
My nan told me, "Never learn to touch types, "so that nobody can make you be a secretary.
" I am not a secretary.
I am the executive assistant.
Have I upset you? Is it to do with Martin? You've, you've got a bit of a soft spot for him.
- MFY - Sorry? - MFYOB.
- I don't know what that means.
Mind your own Look, you could get Martin struck off if Denise finds out - you're living at his flat.
- It's platonic, and it's temporary.
It's not right.
Nothing's been right in this department since you turned up.
Oh, dear, did I just say that out loud? - Let's not do this.
- Do what? You feel threatened by me.
Not your fault.
Denise should be across this.
Female rivalry is so fuelled by workplace culture.
We're set up to compete.
You're right.
Let's not compete.
Looked you up on Facebook, and I've got loads more friends than you.
I don't get any time for a toilet break! So, you made an executive decision to dump in my Tupperware? I'm trying to picture the charming scene.
Right, sir, we'd better get you down to the station to pick up those car keys .
.
and the excrement.
What would I want with that? Well, don't think we want it either, mate! Where are we with that child with dental issues? He's stopped eating.
His teeth are too painful.
So, dentist fears malnutrition, needs to extract under a general.
Well, look, I have some really fun therapies with sock puppets that we could try, it might get him flossing, at least.
Why were his teeth allowed to decay? Because they've never seen a toothbrush.
He's from a traveller community.
His mum doesn't believe in it.
- Oh, they're manky, them crusties.
- Oh, here we go.
I actually have mates in the traveller community.
Well, we really want a traveller site, right? I found this bloke smashed off his tits drinking milk - straight from a cow's udder.
- Wow! - Why is that weird? It's probably better for you.
Excuse me? Wolf's got holes in his teeth down to the jawbone.
All right, court order.
Make a note, please, for the legals, Natalie.
I'm not writing it down today.
I'm recording it! - On your phone? - Yeah.
I'll transcribe it later.
That is not at all appropriate.
It could end up on the Cloud.
- Please delete it.
- I haven't got anything else with me.
I haven't got my laptop.
- Shall I take written notes? - Yes.
Ingrid, how was the client visit to the Mehmet household? Ingrid? Don't tell me she's cried off again with some gynae bollocks.
- No, she's had to - Oh, no, Ingrid Ingrid had to - go down to the - To go to the police station To collect Limahl - Who's her foster-son - Who's her foster son - .
.
and she had - .
.
and she had to go - .
.
that's why she's not at the meeting.
- .
.
out of the meeting.
- Oh, God! We'll have to get Nitin in.
Nitin! - Sorry.
- All right, Nitin.
Can you talk us through today? - Why, what have you heard? - Nothing.
Jesus, calm down.
We're not going to water board you.
- I know that Mehmet geezer.
Psycho.
- You cannot say '"psycho'.
He was sectioned.
So, aye, I can.
- You still can't.
- Can.
We're going to find an interpreter for the little girl, and, er, liaise with the school to ensure regular attendance.
Where are we with that parent that you found drunk in the supermarket? Zach Stott.
Yeah, I found a substance resembling a class A drug at his house, and the baby could easily ingest it, so I sent it to my mate in forensics.
Forensics? Are we in Line Of Duty? - Just dip your finger in it.
- We didn't all live through the heady 1980s, Al, and sending it to forensics is protocol.
And it did turn out to be cocaine, so there are safeguarding issues.
Oh, great news.
So, litigious posh twat is back on the books.
Right, well, can we wrap up this session, please? Actually, no.
Got a case of historic abuse against a local football coach.
Elm Heath Strollers? Yeah, I know this case.
The complainant is saying he reported it at the time, - but it was not followed up.
- No, I was a junior here at the time, and I can assure you, if it was reported, it would most definitely have been followed up.
It was reported by the boy, now an adult, but not followed up.
- Check your files.
- Darin.
He came in today.
Right.
Natalie, call up the relevant data, psychologist reports, educational, medical records I bloody can't.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
I can't! - Calm down, Nat.
- No, you calm down, Miss know-it-all Face! A load of data from the late 80s has gone missing.
It wasn't digitised, and there are no files.
Right.
Well, thank you for alerting us, PC Harris.
- We will get back to you.
- Hey, hey, hey! Not good enough.
The ball's back in your court, and I'm ticking it off me list.
- Yes! - Well, Natalie will keep searching through the hard copy, - as well as finding - I will not be humping data or lifting heavy box files, and I'm not doing it because I'm having a B-A-B-B-Y-A-Y - A babbyay? - A fucking baby! Very annoying.
I was on the verge of letting her go.
Here you go, a nice minty tea.
Here's a cushion for under your feet.
Oh, my God, don't treat her like an invalid.
She's just pregnant.
- I'm enjoying the fuss.
- And it's wonderful news.
Didn't know you had a gentleman caller.
- Who's the lucky chap? - I can't really say.
Oh, it's a multiple partner situation? Look, I'm in a stable, committed relationship with a man.
We're very happy, but we're keeping it quiet for now .
.
cos he hasn't quite told his wife yet.
To what do I owe this pleasure? Well, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about today.
All right, but don't be such a twat in the future.
What happened to that hundred weight of shit in the boot? Oh, down the bog.
It took hours, but, after which, I put all of the Tupperware in the dishwasher, and I made loads of frozen meals for you and the kids.
You put food in those containers? Yes.
I thought that would put a smile on your face.
Pull over, will you? Where the hell's this? What? Out! You fuckwit! Go on, piss off.
Out! For goodness' sake, you're such a drama queen! You useless piece of crap.
- I haven't done anything, apart from clear up - Oh, bollocks! - .
.
make food, try and make things all right! - Fuck off! Thanks, Mum.
People, they ain't no good I think that's well understood You can see it everywhere you look People just ain't no good at all.