Doug (1991) s02e04 Episode Script
Doug's Dinner Date/Doug Meets Fentruck
( yelps )
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
( trumpets blaring )
( horses whinnying )
( trumpets blaring )
Man:
SIR YOUNG PERSON
YOU HAVE COMPLETED
YOUR THREE TASKS NICELY
SILENCING THE WHINERS OF MOO
WAS BRILLIANT.
OH, I THOUGH
THEY'D NEVER SHUT UP.
RECOVERING THE GIRDLE
OF GILGAMESH
WELL, WHA
CAN I SAY?
HOW'S THAT FITTING?
OH, WONDERFULLY.
BUT THERE IS ONE MORE TASK
BEFORE YOU WIN
THE FAIR PATTI OF
MAYONNAISE'S HEART.
NAME IT, YOUR LORD MAYORNESS.
BRING ON THE LAST TASK!
BRING ON
THE LAST TASK!
BRING ON THE
LAST TASK!
BRING ON THE LAST TASK!
( babbling )
TO THEE WHO HAVE PASSED
THESE TESTS THREE
COURAGE, VALOR
AND HONESTY.
BEFORE YOU LIES THE
GREATEST OF FEATS
THAT WHICH WE CALL,
"THE TEST OF EATS."
STEEL YOUR WILL,
IN YOUR TUMMY MAKE ROOM
FOR LIVER AND ONIONS
YE MUST CONSUME!
( gasps )
( crowd gasping )
YOU WANT ME
TO EAT
LIVER AND
ONIONS?
NO, PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THAT.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
Doug:
THE TROUBLE STARTED
THE OTHER DAY.
PATTI FINALLY SAID WHA
I'D BEEN HOPING SHE'D SAY
SINCE THE FIRST DAY WE MET.
HOW ABOUT SUPPER
SUNDAY NIGHT?
HUH, SUPPER?
SUNDAY?
YOU MEAN
YOU AND ME?
YEAH, YOU AND ME
AND SKEETER AND
CHALKY AND BEEBE
YOU KNOW,
THE WHOLE GANG.
WELL HEY
YEAH, SURE.
OH, BY THE WAY, DOUG
WE'RE HAVING
YOUR FAVORITE--
LIVER AND ONIONS.
SURE, GREAT.
GREAT?
WHAT WAS I SAYING?
I HATE LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU'VE ACTUALLY
EATEN LIVER
AND LIVED TO
TELL ABOUT IT?
I'VE EATEN THAT STUFF
SINCE I WAS A BABY.
AT FIRST I HATED I
BUT NOW I
ALMOST LIKE IT.
MAYBE ALL I NEED
IS PRACTICE.
I THINK I'LL
ASK MY MOM
TO FIX ME SOME
LIVER TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO
THAT FOR PATTI?
YEAH, BUT I NEED
YOUR HELP.
YOU CAN COUN
ON ME, PAL.
DON'T WORRY, WE'LL GE
THIS THING LICKED
AND CHEWED AND
IF WE'RE LUCKY
EVEN SWALLOWED!
MMM, THIS IS SOME GREAT FOOD,
MRS. FUNNIE.
CHICKEN, GREEN
BEAN CASSEROLE
A HOMEMADE BISCUIT.
( sniffs )
( moans )
Mrs. Funnie:
DOUGLAS IS THERE
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH YOUR DINNER?
IT IS WHA
YOU WANTED?
NO, I MEAN, YEAH.
I'M JUST WAITING
FOR IT TO COOL.
WHAT HO!
PLEASE PASS YON KETCHUP.
Skeeter:
SIR DOUG,
LOOK OUT!
IT'S THE LIVER DRAGON!
WHAT THE!
( gasps )
( roaring )
( cries out )
( roaring )
( roaring )
( cries out )
MAYBE I WASN'T READY TO FACE
THE LIVER AND ONIONS QUITE YET.
UH, MAY I
BE EXCUSED?
( moaning )
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, DOUG.
JUDY, WILL YOU PLEASE
PASS THE CHICKEN?
Doug:
I CAN'T DO IT.
I MEAN, WHA
WILL PATTI THINK
IF I GO OVER
TO HER HOUSE
EAT HER COOKING
AND THROW UP
ALL OVER HER RUG?
WHAT MAKES PATTI THINK
I LIKE LIVER AND ONIONS?
I EVEN DID THA
"THINGS I HATE
MOST" ORAL REPOR
ON LIVER
AND ONIONS.
I'VE GOT IT!
Skeeter:
YOU DON'T HATE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
I DON'T HATE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU LOVE LIVER AND ONIONS.
I LOVE LOVE?
DON'T YOU THINK LOVE
IS GOING A BIT FAR?
COME ON, MAN, THIS IS SERIOUS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
FOLLOW THE YO-YO.
WHEN YOU LOOK
AT YOUR PLATE
YOU WILL NOT SEE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU WILL SEE A JUICY
HONKER DOG WITH FRIES.
I WILL SEE
HONKER DOG AND FRIES.
COOL.
NOW, LOOK.
HUH?
AW, IT'S NO USE, SKEETER.
I GUESS MY WILL IS TOO STRONG.
OW!
WELL, AT LEAST WE TRIED.
THAT WAS ENOUGH
LIVER AND ONIONS FOR ONE NIGHT.
THE NEXT DAY
I WENT TO MR. DINK'S
TO SEE IF HE HAD ANY IDEAS.
HERE YOU GO,
DOUGLAS.
JUST WHAT YOU NEED.
TASTE-B-GONE TONGUE PROTECTOR.
A FEW DROPS AND YOU
WON'T TASTE A THING.
GUARANTEED, VERY EXPENSIVE.
YOU'LL SEE, IN
MOMENTS I'LL BE ABLE
TO EAT ANYTHING
WITHOUT FLINCHING.
YOU SEE, DOUGLAS,
EVEN ANCHOVIES.
WELL, UH, THANKS FOR
THE ADVICE, MR. DINK.
I'LL KEEP THIS IN MIND.
SEE YOU LATER, DOUGLAS.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE IT WAS TIME
FOR SOME SISTERLY ADVICE
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY
PERSON TO GET THAT FROM
WAS MY SISTER.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
SILENCE!
I'M THINKING.
DOUG
TO UNDERSTAND
LIVER AND ONIONS
YOU MUST
BECOME LIVER AND ONIONS.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOU
AND WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
( screams )
THE FLOOR IS
THE FRYING PAN.
I AM THE ONIONS
AND YOU ARE
THE LIVER!
START SIZZLING.
( sizzling )
JUDY?
NOT NOW, I'M COOKING.
JUDY, I THINK I'M
DONE ON THIS SIDE.
LOOK, IF YOU DON'
WANT MY HELP
GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
SO HYSTERICAL
OVER A
STUPID DINNER.
BUT IT WASN'T JUS
ANY STUPID DINNER.
THIS WAS SOMETHING SMELLY,
SLIMY AND EVIL.
THIS
WAS LIVER AND ONIONS!
IT WAS THE NIGH
BEFORE PATTI'S DINNER
AND WE WERE A
OUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT
MONSIEUR FUNNIE, WELCOME
TO COWBOY JACQUES'.
HOWDY, RUDY.
THEDA AND I ARE BOTH
HAVING THE NUMBER 23.
THE BARBECUE RIBS
MON DIEU, VERY GOOD.
AND FOR LITTLE SMOKY?
IT WAS NOW OR NEVER.
UH, I'LL HAVE NUMBER 47.
( collective gasp )
Crowd:
LIVER AND ONIONS!
YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.
NUMBER 47
IS IS!
YES, I KNOW, LIVER AND ONIONS.
( collective gasp )
OH, MY WORD!
SON, ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT
MOM, DAD, I HAVE
TO DO THIS.
I ADMIRE YOU,
MISTER.
IF I COULDN'T HANDLE
LIVER AND ONIONS TONIGHT
I WAS SURE TO LOSE IT
AT PATTI'S TOMORROW.
( crowd gasping )
( crowd mumbling in amazement )
Woman:
FRANKLY, I
AM SHOCKED!
I JUST CAN'
BELIEVE IT!
( gasps )
OH, BY THE WAY, DOUG
WE'RE HAVING YOUR FAVORITE,
LIVER AND ONIONS.
SEE YOU.
( groans resignedly )
( heavenly chorus swells )
( crowd mumbling approval )
CONGRATULATIONS THERE,
YOUNG PERSON.
THE FAIR PRINCESS
IS YOURS.
( swallows )
( sighs )
( cheering )
SO YOU ATE
ALL OF IT!
WOW!
AT LEAST I MANAGED
TO SWALLOW IT.
LET'S JUST HOPE
YOU CAN MANAGE
TO SWALLOW
PATTI'S LIVER
AND ONIONS.
WELL, I DID IT ONCE
AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN.
HEY, GUYS.
WE'RE JUS
ABOUT TO START.
Doug:
HEY, CHALKY.
HEY, ROGER.
Skeeter:
HEY, BOOMER.
SAY, PATTI.
I CAN'T WAIT TO TRY
YOUR LIVER AND ONIONS.
MMM, MMM,
BRING THEM ON.
LIVER AND ONIONS?
I BET I COULD WOLF DOWN
THREE OR FOUR PLATES
OF LIVER AND ONIONS.
WE'RE NOT HAVING
LIVER AND ONIONS.
HUH?
I WAS JUST KIDDING YOU.
I KNOW YOU HATE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU EVEN SAID SO
IN THAT "THINGS
I HATE MOST" SPEECH.
OF COURSE,
I KNEW THAT.
I KNEW THAT.
SO WHAT ARE WE
HAVING FOR REAL?
ALL RIGHT,
HONKER DOGS
AND FRIES!
Skeeter:
COOL, MAN!
DIG IN, DOUG.
OH, NO!
SO PATTI'S PARTY TURNED OU
BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.
I ATE UNTIL I THOUGHT I'D POP.
ALL THIS TALK ABOUT FOOD
IS MAKING ME HUNGRY.
HOW ABOUT YOU, PORKCHOP?
PORKCHOP?
WHY ARE
YOU LOOKING
AT ME LIKE THAT?
( snarling )
BACK OFF, MAN.
LAY OFF, PORKCHOP.
SNAP OUT OF IT!
WHERE'S THAT YO-YO?
( crowd acting rowdy )
( glass breaking )
NEW KID RIDING FAST INTO TOWN!
HUH?
( all crying out in panic )
Doug:
THERE I WAS, SHERIFF DOUG--
LOCAL WELCOMING COMMITTEE.
ALL KIND OF VARMINTS
PASSED THROUGH MY TOWN.
THIS WASN'T JUST ANY VARMINT.
THIS ONE HAD HIS EYE
ON MISS PATTI.
NO, SHERIFF DOUG.
DON'T DO IT!
AND THAT DIDN'T SIT RIGH
WITH ME.
( horse whinnies )
OKAY, HOMBRE.
THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE BOTH OF US.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
Mr Bone:
WHERE IS YAKKESTONIA?
RIGHT UNDER MY FINGER.
WHO IS FROM YAKKESTONIA?
THE YAKKESTONESIANS.
ANY QUESTIONS?
WHY DO WE
HAVE TO WEAR
THESE STUPID
COSTUMES?
STUPID COSTUMES?
THESE ARE THE
TRADITIONAL GARMENTS
WORN BY THE
YAKKESTONESIANS.
OUR NEW EXCHANGE
STUDENT ARRIVES TODAY
ALL THE WAY
FROM YAKKESTONIA.
ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?
HAS ANYBODY
SEEN FUNNIE?
HE WAS HERE
A SECOND AGO.
YOO-HOO, FUNNIE.
( laughing )
CUT IT OUT, ROGER.
PUT A SOCK
IN IT, YOU TWO.
NOW, REMEMBER, CLASS
FENTRUCK IS FROM
A DIFFERENT PAR
OF THE WORLD
SO LET'S ALL TRY
TO MAKE HIM FEEL WELCOME.
FENTRUCK? WHAT KIND
OF A GOOFY NAME IS THAT?
LET'S GE
WITH THE PROGRAM.
DID EVERYONE PRACTICE
THE TRADITIONAL
YAKKESTONESIAN GREETING?
YES, MR. BONE.
WELL, LET'S HEAR IT!
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA!
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA,
ZWOOBA!
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
GREETINGS TO YOU.
MY HEART IS SPONGY
WITH HAPPINESS.
I AM DELIGHTED
FOR YOU TO SEE ME.
WHAT A
COOL ACCENT.
HE'S CUTE!
OH, BROTHER, WHERE DID
THIS GUY LEARN TO TALK
FENTRUCK, WHERE
ARE YOUR
TRADITIONAL YAKKESTONESIAN
CLOGGING PANTS?
YOUR YAKKESTONESIAN
FLOPPY HAT?
OH, NO, MR. BONE.
WE NO LONGER WEAR THE FUNNY
PANTS OF OUR FOREFATHERS.
Mr. Bone:
KIDS TODAY
NO RESPEC
FOR TRADITION.
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA,
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA
"HE'S SO CUTE!"
"WHAT A
DREAMY ACCENT!"
WE HAVEN'T GIVEN
OUR NEW FRIEND
THE TRADITIONAL
BLUFFINGTON GREETING.
FENTRUCK, OLD BUDDY
WE GOT A TRADITION
AROUND HERE--
THE NEW KID BUYS ME LUNCH.
WHAT DO YOU
SAY, FENTRUCK?
I LOOK FORWARD
WITH GREAT PERSPIRATION.
MY FRIENDS.
WHY DOES
ROGER ALWAYS
HAVE TO PICK ON
THE NEW KIDS?
BECAUSE
HE'S ROGER.
I'D HATE
FOR FENTRUCK
TO GET THE WRONG
IMPRESSION.
UH-OH.
HI, FENTRUCK.
I AM DOUG.
DOOG. I AM
GATHERING FRIENDS
LIKE FLIES ON A
HORSE'S BEHIND, NO?
Fentruck:
PERHAPS YOU WISH
TO COME TO
MR. BOON'S HOUSE.
WHY WOULD
I WANT TO?
BECAUSE THAT IS
WHERE I AM STAYING.
THERE IS A FAVOR
I WISH TO ASK.
YEAH, SURE, NO SWEAT.
BOY, I SURE
DO, DOOG.
IT SURE WAS WEIRD GOING
TO MR. BONE'S HOUSE.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T IMAGINE
MR. BONE LIVING IN A HOUSE
LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
YODEL AY HEE
YODEL AY HEE
( clears throat )
Fentruck:
YODEL AY HEE.
THIS IS DOOG, MY FRIEND
OF SO LITTLE TIME.
OH, HI, MR. BONE.
REMEMBER ME?
HELLO, FUNNIE.
I WAS YODELING.
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
OH, NO, MR. BONE.
MR. BOON AND
I ARE BOTH
OF THE ORGANIZATION
OF YODELERS.
THEY SPONSORED MY JOURNEY.
YODELERS ARE
A TIGHT-KNIT GROUP.
THEY PROTECT THEIR OWN.
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
NO, MR. BOON--
I MEAN, MR. BONE.
( door opens )
DOOG, I WANT YOU
TO HELP ME
LETTERIZE IN YOUR LANGUAGE.
YOU WANT ME
TO HELP YOU
WRITE A LETTER?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAVE TRIED MY TOUCH
BUT IT IS
NOT RIGHT AS RAIN.
"HI, YELLOW-HAIRED GIRL
WHO SITS IN FRONT OF ME."
IS THAT NOT RIGHT ABOUT IT?
WOW, FENTRUCK
DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME.
HE HAD A CRUSH ON A GIRL.
HE SURE WORKED FAST.
HUH?
BUT WHO WAS IT?
SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD
TO FIGURE OUT.
CONNIE SITS
IN FRONT OF CHALKY
DORY SITS IN FRONT OF DILBERT
BEEBE SITS IN FRONT OF ROGER
( gasping )
HELLO, YELLOW-HAIRED GIRL
WHO SITS IN FRONT OF ME.
HELLO, DARK-HAIRED
EXCHANGE STUDENT.
DOOG
AH, DOOG?
I SHOULD TAKE THIS HOME.
I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO FINISH IT NOW.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOOG.
AND FOR YOU
A SOUVENIR FROM
MY NATIVE LAND.
A JAR?
A YAR OF THE RAREST AIR
FROM THE TOP OF MOUN
LUBLIBOBA IN YAKKESTONIA.
OH, GO, DOOG, BEFORE
MY EYES BEGIN TO LEAK.
I AM SO HOMESICK.
( sniffling )
HOW COULD I TELL FENTRUCK
I COULDN'T WRITE
HIS LETTER TO PATTI?
HE GAVE ME HIS BEST JAR OF AIR.
HURRY, DOOG, IF WE ARE TO
BE PICKING LAB PARTNERS.
UH-OH, WHAT IF HE ASKED PATTI
TO BE HIS LAB PARTNER?
"HURRY DOOG, IF WE ARE TO
BE PICKING LAB PARTNERS."
( derisive laughter )
WHAT A GOOFBALL!
YEAH, BUT THE GIRLS
LIKE HIS ACCENT.
AN ACCENT, THAT'S IT!
( gasps )
PATTI, WOULD BE ZEE
LAB PARTNER AVEC MOI?
NO, NO
MON CHERIE, PATTI
I SINK WE COULD MAKE ZEE
BEAUTIFUL CHEMISTRY TOGETHER
NO?
HEY, FENTRUCK,
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BE
MY LAB PARTNER?
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE THE HAPPY COW.
PATTI!
LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY
IS PAIRED UP
BUT US, PARTNER.
OH, DOOG,
DOOG, DOOG.
I AM FITTING IN LIKE
A FOOT IN MY SOCK.
I HAVE A LAB PARTNER!
AND TONIGHT, YOU
FINISH MY LETTER.
THANK YOU, DOOG.
Doug:
I'VE GOT THIS FRIEND--
IT'S NOT ME--
AND HE HAS A FRIEND--
NOT FENTRUCK.
THIS FRIEND ASKED ME--
I MEAN, MY FRIEND
TO WRITE A LETTER
TO A GIRL NAMED PATTI
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL FENTRUCK
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT PATTI?
SEE YOU.
YEAH, TALK TO FENTRUCK,
BUT HOW?
THIS WAS IT--
THE SHOWDOWN.
IT WAS HIM OR ME
AND IT WASN'T GOING TO BE ME.
( spurs jangling )
( horse whinnying )
HEY, HOMBRE.
I'M CALLING YOU OUT.
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME
GOOD SHERIFF DOOG?
YOU KNOW WHO
I'M TALKING TO
AND YOU BETTER GE
IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
WHAT MEAN YOU?
I SAID, GET.
GIT?
GIT?
WHAT MEANS THIS
"GIT," DOOG?
IT MEANS I CAN'T WRITE
YOUR LETTER FOR YOU
AND YOU'D BETTER
GET SOMEONE ELSE.
SORRY, FENTRUCK.
HUH?
THIS IS RUPTURING NEWS TO HEAR.
WHY, DOOG?
BECAUSE WELL, BECAUSE I FEEL
THE SAME WAY YOU DO ABOUT
WELL, YOU KNOW
THE YELLOW-HAIRED GIRL
IN FRONT OF YOU.
YOU DO?
BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW
MY SISTER, KAVLATCHIE?
WHAT'S YOUR SISTER GO
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
SHE IS THE GIRL, DOOG.
KAVLATCHIE IS OLDER THAN ME, SO
WE SAY SHE SITS IN FRONT OF ME.
YOU KNOW THIS EXPRESSION?
NO.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE LETTER WASN'
FOR PATTI AFTER ALL.
FENTRUCK, I
TAKE IT ALL BACK.
I'LL BE GLAD TO WRITE
YOUR SISTER A LETTER.
OH, THANK YOU, DOOG.
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA.
MY FRIEND.
SO FENTRUCK DIDN'T LIKE PATTI,
WHAT A RELIEF.
BUT DID PATTI LIKE FENTRUCK?
I HAD TO FIND OUT.
UH, PATTI?
OH, HI, DOUG.
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU
TO BE MY LAB PARTNER.
WHAT?
BUT YOU
HELPED FENTRUCK
SO I WANTED
TO HELP, TOO.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
WE CAN BE PARTNERS.
SURE, YOU CAN DRAW FROGS
BETTER THAN ANYONE.
SO EVERYTHING TURNED OUT OKAY.
HEY
I NEED THAT!
EXCEPT FOR MY LAB PROJECT.
( humming )
WATCH IT, ROGER!
THAT'S NO
JUST ANY AIR.
( humming )
( yells )
FUNNIE!
I TRIED TO
WARN YOU, MAN.
FUNNIE!
THAT'S A GOOD LOOK
FOR YOU, ROGER.
( laughter )
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
( trumpets blaring )
( horses whinnying )
( trumpets blaring )
Man:
SIR YOUNG PERSON
YOU HAVE COMPLETED
YOUR THREE TASKS NICELY
SILENCING THE WHINERS OF MOO
WAS BRILLIANT.
OH, I THOUGH
THEY'D NEVER SHUT UP.
RECOVERING THE GIRDLE
OF GILGAMESH
WELL, WHA
CAN I SAY?
HOW'S THAT FITTING?
OH, WONDERFULLY.
BUT THERE IS ONE MORE TASK
BEFORE YOU WIN
THE FAIR PATTI OF
MAYONNAISE'S HEART.
NAME IT, YOUR LORD MAYORNESS.
BRING ON THE LAST TASK!
BRING ON
THE LAST TASK!
BRING ON THE
LAST TASK!
BRING ON THE LAST TASK!
( babbling )
TO THEE WHO HAVE PASSED
THESE TESTS THREE
COURAGE, VALOR
AND HONESTY.
BEFORE YOU LIES THE
GREATEST OF FEATS
THAT WHICH WE CALL,
"THE TEST OF EATS."
STEEL YOUR WILL,
IN YOUR TUMMY MAKE ROOM
FOR LIVER AND ONIONS
YE MUST CONSUME!
( gasps )
( crowd gasping )
YOU WANT ME
TO EAT
LIVER AND
ONIONS?
NO, PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THAT.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
Doug:
THE TROUBLE STARTED
THE OTHER DAY.
PATTI FINALLY SAID WHA
I'D BEEN HOPING SHE'D SAY
SINCE THE FIRST DAY WE MET.
HOW ABOUT SUPPER
SUNDAY NIGHT?
HUH, SUPPER?
SUNDAY?
YOU MEAN
YOU AND ME?
YEAH, YOU AND ME
AND SKEETER AND
CHALKY AND BEEBE
YOU KNOW,
THE WHOLE GANG.
WELL HEY
YEAH, SURE.
OH, BY THE WAY, DOUG
WE'RE HAVING
YOUR FAVORITE--
LIVER AND ONIONS.
SURE, GREAT.
GREAT?
WHAT WAS I SAYING?
I HATE LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU'VE ACTUALLY
EATEN LIVER
AND LIVED TO
TELL ABOUT IT?
I'VE EATEN THAT STUFF
SINCE I WAS A BABY.
AT FIRST I HATED I
BUT NOW I
ALMOST LIKE IT.
MAYBE ALL I NEED
IS PRACTICE.
I THINK I'LL
ASK MY MOM
TO FIX ME SOME
LIVER TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO
THAT FOR PATTI?
YEAH, BUT I NEED
YOUR HELP.
YOU CAN COUN
ON ME, PAL.
DON'T WORRY, WE'LL GE
THIS THING LICKED
AND CHEWED AND
IF WE'RE LUCKY
EVEN SWALLOWED!
MMM, THIS IS SOME GREAT FOOD,
MRS. FUNNIE.
CHICKEN, GREEN
BEAN CASSEROLE
A HOMEMADE BISCUIT.
( sniffs )
( moans )
Mrs. Funnie:
DOUGLAS IS THERE
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH YOUR DINNER?
IT IS WHA
YOU WANTED?
NO, I MEAN, YEAH.
I'M JUST WAITING
FOR IT TO COOL.
WHAT HO!
PLEASE PASS YON KETCHUP.
Skeeter:
SIR DOUG,
LOOK OUT!
IT'S THE LIVER DRAGON!
WHAT THE!
( gasps )
( roaring )
( cries out )
( roaring )
( roaring )
( cries out )
MAYBE I WASN'T READY TO FACE
THE LIVER AND ONIONS QUITE YET.
UH, MAY I
BE EXCUSED?
( moaning )
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, DOUG.
JUDY, WILL YOU PLEASE
PASS THE CHICKEN?
Doug:
I CAN'T DO IT.
I MEAN, WHA
WILL PATTI THINK
IF I GO OVER
TO HER HOUSE
EAT HER COOKING
AND THROW UP
ALL OVER HER RUG?
WHAT MAKES PATTI THINK
I LIKE LIVER AND ONIONS?
I EVEN DID THA
"THINGS I HATE
MOST" ORAL REPOR
ON LIVER
AND ONIONS.
I'VE GOT IT!
Skeeter:
YOU DON'T HATE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
I DON'T HATE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU LOVE LIVER AND ONIONS.
I LOVE LOVE?
DON'T YOU THINK LOVE
IS GOING A BIT FAR?
COME ON, MAN, THIS IS SERIOUS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
FOLLOW THE YO-YO.
WHEN YOU LOOK
AT YOUR PLATE
YOU WILL NOT SEE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU WILL SEE A JUICY
HONKER DOG WITH FRIES.
I WILL SEE
HONKER DOG AND FRIES.
COOL.
NOW, LOOK.
HUH?
AW, IT'S NO USE, SKEETER.
I GUESS MY WILL IS TOO STRONG.
OW!
WELL, AT LEAST WE TRIED.
THAT WAS ENOUGH
LIVER AND ONIONS FOR ONE NIGHT.
THE NEXT DAY
I WENT TO MR. DINK'S
TO SEE IF HE HAD ANY IDEAS.
HERE YOU GO,
DOUGLAS.
JUST WHAT YOU NEED.
TASTE-B-GONE TONGUE PROTECTOR.
A FEW DROPS AND YOU
WON'T TASTE A THING.
GUARANTEED, VERY EXPENSIVE.
YOU'LL SEE, IN
MOMENTS I'LL BE ABLE
TO EAT ANYTHING
WITHOUT FLINCHING.
YOU SEE, DOUGLAS,
EVEN ANCHOVIES.
WELL, UH, THANKS FOR
THE ADVICE, MR. DINK.
I'LL KEEP THIS IN MIND.
SEE YOU LATER, DOUGLAS.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE IT WAS TIME
FOR SOME SISTERLY ADVICE
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY
PERSON TO GET THAT FROM
WAS MY SISTER.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
SILENCE!
I'M THINKING.
DOUG
TO UNDERSTAND
LIVER AND ONIONS
YOU MUST
BECOME LIVER AND ONIONS.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOU
AND WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
( screams )
THE FLOOR IS
THE FRYING PAN.
I AM THE ONIONS
AND YOU ARE
THE LIVER!
START SIZZLING.
( sizzling )
JUDY?
NOT NOW, I'M COOKING.
JUDY, I THINK I'M
DONE ON THIS SIDE.
LOOK, IF YOU DON'
WANT MY HELP
GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
SO HYSTERICAL
OVER A
STUPID DINNER.
BUT IT WASN'T JUS
ANY STUPID DINNER.
THIS WAS SOMETHING SMELLY,
SLIMY AND EVIL.
THIS
WAS LIVER AND ONIONS!
IT WAS THE NIGH
BEFORE PATTI'S DINNER
AND WE WERE A
OUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT
MONSIEUR FUNNIE, WELCOME
TO COWBOY JACQUES'.
HOWDY, RUDY.
THEDA AND I ARE BOTH
HAVING THE NUMBER 23.
THE BARBECUE RIBS
MON DIEU, VERY GOOD.
AND FOR LITTLE SMOKY?
IT WAS NOW OR NEVER.
UH, I'LL HAVE NUMBER 47.
( collective gasp )
Crowd:
LIVER AND ONIONS!
YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.
NUMBER 47
IS IS!
YES, I KNOW, LIVER AND ONIONS.
( collective gasp )
OH, MY WORD!
SON, ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT
MOM, DAD, I HAVE
TO DO THIS.
I ADMIRE YOU,
MISTER.
IF I COULDN'T HANDLE
LIVER AND ONIONS TONIGHT
I WAS SURE TO LOSE IT
AT PATTI'S TOMORROW.
( crowd gasping )
( crowd mumbling in amazement )
Woman:
FRANKLY, I
AM SHOCKED!
I JUST CAN'
BELIEVE IT!
( gasps )
OH, BY THE WAY, DOUG
WE'RE HAVING YOUR FAVORITE,
LIVER AND ONIONS.
SEE YOU.
( groans resignedly )
( heavenly chorus swells )
( crowd mumbling approval )
CONGRATULATIONS THERE,
YOUNG PERSON.
THE FAIR PRINCESS
IS YOURS.
( swallows )
( sighs )
( cheering )
SO YOU ATE
ALL OF IT!
WOW!
AT LEAST I MANAGED
TO SWALLOW IT.
LET'S JUST HOPE
YOU CAN MANAGE
TO SWALLOW
PATTI'S LIVER
AND ONIONS.
WELL, I DID IT ONCE
AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN.
HEY, GUYS.
WE'RE JUS
ABOUT TO START.
Doug:
HEY, CHALKY.
HEY, ROGER.
Skeeter:
HEY, BOOMER.
SAY, PATTI.
I CAN'T WAIT TO TRY
YOUR LIVER AND ONIONS.
MMM, MMM,
BRING THEM ON.
LIVER AND ONIONS?
I BET I COULD WOLF DOWN
THREE OR FOUR PLATES
OF LIVER AND ONIONS.
WE'RE NOT HAVING
LIVER AND ONIONS.
HUH?
I WAS JUST KIDDING YOU.
I KNOW YOU HATE
LIVER AND ONIONS.
YOU EVEN SAID SO
IN THAT "THINGS
I HATE MOST" SPEECH.
OF COURSE,
I KNEW THAT.
I KNEW THAT.
SO WHAT ARE WE
HAVING FOR REAL?
ALL RIGHT,
HONKER DOGS
AND FRIES!
Skeeter:
COOL, MAN!
DIG IN, DOUG.
OH, NO!
SO PATTI'S PARTY TURNED OU
BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.
I ATE UNTIL I THOUGHT I'D POP.
ALL THIS TALK ABOUT FOOD
IS MAKING ME HUNGRY.
HOW ABOUT YOU, PORKCHOP?
PORKCHOP?
WHY ARE
YOU LOOKING
AT ME LIKE THAT?
( snarling )
BACK OFF, MAN.
LAY OFF, PORKCHOP.
SNAP OUT OF IT!
WHERE'S THAT YO-YO?
( crowd acting rowdy )
( glass breaking )
NEW KID RIDING FAST INTO TOWN!
HUH?
( all crying out in panic )
Doug:
THERE I WAS, SHERIFF DOUG--
LOCAL WELCOMING COMMITTEE.
ALL KIND OF VARMINTS
PASSED THROUGH MY TOWN.
THIS WASN'T JUST ANY VARMINT.
THIS ONE HAD HIS EYE
ON MISS PATTI.
NO, SHERIFF DOUG.
DON'T DO IT!
AND THAT DIDN'T SIT RIGH
WITH ME.
( horse whinnies )
OKAY, HOMBRE.
THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE BOTH OF US.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
Mr Bone:
WHERE IS YAKKESTONIA?
RIGHT UNDER MY FINGER.
WHO IS FROM YAKKESTONIA?
THE YAKKESTONESIANS.
ANY QUESTIONS?
WHY DO WE
HAVE TO WEAR
THESE STUPID
COSTUMES?
STUPID COSTUMES?
THESE ARE THE
TRADITIONAL GARMENTS
WORN BY THE
YAKKESTONESIANS.
OUR NEW EXCHANGE
STUDENT ARRIVES TODAY
ALL THE WAY
FROM YAKKESTONIA.
ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?
HAS ANYBODY
SEEN FUNNIE?
HE WAS HERE
A SECOND AGO.
YOO-HOO, FUNNIE.
( laughing )
CUT IT OUT, ROGER.
PUT A SOCK
IN IT, YOU TWO.
NOW, REMEMBER, CLASS
FENTRUCK IS FROM
A DIFFERENT PAR
OF THE WORLD
SO LET'S ALL TRY
TO MAKE HIM FEEL WELCOME.
FENTRUCK? WHAT KIND
OF A GOOFY NAME IS THAT?
LET'S GE
WITH THE PROGRAM.
DID EVERYONE PRACTICE
THE TRADITIONAL
YAKKESTONESIAN GREETING?
YES, MR. BONE.
WELL, LET'S HEAR IT!
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA!
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA,
ZWOOBA!
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
GREETINGS TO YOU.
MY HEART IS SPONGY
WITH HAPPINESS.
I AM DELIGHTED
FOR YOU TO SEE ME.
WHAT A
COOL ACCENT.
HE'S CUTE!
OH, BROTHER, WHERE DID
THIS GUY LEARN TO TALK
FENTRUCK, WHERE
ARE YOUR
TRADITIONAL YAKKESTONESIAN
CLOGGING PANTS?
YOUR YAKKESTONESIAN
FLOPPY HAT?
OH, NO, MR. BONE.
WE NO LONGER WEAR THE FUNNY
PANTS OF OUR FOREFATHERS.
Mr. Bone:
KIDS TODAY
NO RESPEC
FOR TRADITION.
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA,
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA
"HE'S SO CUTE!"
"WHAT A
DREAMY ACCENT!"
WE HAVEN'T GIVEN
OUR NEW FRIEND
THE TRADITIONAL
BLUFFINGTON GREETING.
FENTRUCK, OLD BUDDY
WE GOT A TRADITION
AROUND HERE--
THE NEW KID BUYS ME LUNCH.
WHAT DO YOU
SAY, FENTRUCK?
I LOOK FORWARD
WITH GREAT PERSPIRATION.
MY FRIENDS.
WHY DOES
ROGER ALWAYS
HAVE TO PICK ON
THE NEW KIDS?
BECAUSE
HE'S ROGER.
I'D HATE
FOR FENTRUCK
TO GET THE WRONG
IMPRESSION.
UH-OH.
HI, FENTRUCK.
I AM DOUG.
DOOG. I AM
GATHERING FRIENDS
LIKE FLIES ON A
HORSE'S BEHIND, NO?
Fentruck:
PERHAPS YOU WISH
TO COME TO
MR. BOON'S HOUSE.
WHY WOULD
I WANT TO?
BECAUSE THAT IS
WHERE I AM STAYING.
THERE IS A FAVOR
I WISH TO ASK.
YEAH, SURE, NO SWEAT.
BOY, I SURE
DO, DOOG.
IT SURE WAS WEIRD GOING
TO MR. BONE'S HOUSE.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T IMAGINE
MR. BONE LIVING IN A HOUSE
LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
YODEL AY HEE
YODEL AY HEE
( clears throat )
Fentruck:
YODEL AY HEE.
THIS IS DOOG, MY FRIEND
OF SO LITTLE TIME.
OH, HI, MR. BONE.
REMEMBER ME?
HELLO, FUNNIE.
I WAS YODELING.
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
OH, NO, MR. BONE.
MR. BOON AND
I ARE BOTH
OF THE ORGANIZATION
OF YODELERS.
THEY SPONSORED MY JOURNEY.
YODELERS ARE
A TIGHT-KNIT GROUP.
THEY PROTECT THEIR OWN.
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
NO, MR. BOON--
I MEAN, MR. BONE.
( door opens )
DOOG, I WANT YOU
TO HELP ME
LETTERIZE IN YOUR LANGUAGE.
YOU WANT ME
TO HELP YOU
WRITE A LETTER?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAVE TRIED MY TOUCH
BUT IT IS
NOT RIGHT AS RAIN.
"HI, YELLOW-HAIRED GIRL
WHO SITS IN FRONT OF ME."
IS THAT NOT RIGHT ABOUT IT?
WOW, FENTRUCK
DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME.
HE HAD A CRUSH ON A GIRL.
HE SURE WORKED FAST.
HUH?
BUT WHO WAS IT?
SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD
TO FIGURE OUT.
CONNIE SITS
IN FRONT OF CHALKY
DORY SITS IN FRONT OF DILBERT
BEEBE SITS IN FRONT OF ROGER
( gasping )
HELLO, YELLOW-HAIRED GIRL
WHO SITS IN FRONT OF ME.
HELLO, DARK-HAIRED
EXCHANGE STUDENT.
DOOG
AH, DOOG?
I SHOULD TAKE THIS HOME.
I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO FINISH IT NOW.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOOG.
AND FOR YOU
A SOUVENIR FROM
MY NATIVE LAND.
A JAR?
A YAR OF THE RAREST AIR
FROM THE TOP OF MOUN
LUBLIBOBA IN YAKKESTONIA.
OH, GO, DOOG, BEFORE
MY EYES BEGIN TO LEAK.
I AM SO HOMESICK.
( sniffling )
HOW COULD I TELL FENTRUCK
I COULDN'T WRITE
HIS LETTER TO PATTI?
HE GAVE ME HIS BEST JAR OF AIR.
HURRY, DOOG, IF WE ARE TO
BE PICKING LAB PARTNERS.
UH-OH, WHAT IF HE ASKED PATTI
TO BE HIS LAB PARTNER?
"HURRY DOOG, IF WE ARE TO
BE PICKING LAB PARTNERS."
( derisive laughter )
WHAT A GOOFBALL!
YEAH, BUT THE GIRLS
LIKE HIS ACCENT.
AN ACCENT, THAT'S IT!
( gasps )
PATTI, WOULD BE ZEE
LAB PARTNER AVEC MOI?
NO, NO
MON CHERIE, PATTI
I SINK WE COULD MAKE ZEE
BEAUTIFUL CHEMISTRY TOGETHER
NO?
HEY, FENTRUCK,
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BE
MY LAB PARTNER?
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE THE HAPPY COW.
PATTI!
LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY
IS PAIRED UP
BUT US, PARTNER.
OH, DOOG,
DOOG, DOOG.
I AM FITTING IN LIKE
A FOOT IN MY SOCK.
I HAVE A LAB PARTNER!
AND TONIGHT, YOU
FINISH MY LETTER.
THANK YOU, DOOG.
Doug:
I'VE GOT THIS FRIEND--
IT'S NOT ME--
AND HE HAS A FRIEND--
NOT FENTRUCK.
THIS FRIEND ASKED ME--
I MEAN, MY FRIEND
TO WRITE A LETTER
TO A GIRL NAMED PATTI
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL FENTRUCK
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT PATTI?
SEE YOU.
YEAH, TALK TO FENTRUCK,
BUT HOW?
THIS WAS IT--
THE SHOWDOWN.
IT WAS HIM OR ME
AND IT WASN'T GOING TO BE ME.
( spurs jangling )
( horse whinnying )
HEY, HOMBRE.
I'M CALLING YOU OUT.
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME
GOOD SHERIFF DOOG?
YOU KNOW WHO
I'M TALKING TO
AND YOU BETTER GE
IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
WHAT MEAN YOU?
I SAID, GET.
GIT?
GIT?
WHAT MEANS THIS
"GIT," DOOG?
IT MEANS I CAN'T WRITE
YOUR LETTER FOR YOU
AND YOU'D BETTER
GET SOMEONE ELSE.
SORRY, FENTRUCK.
HUH?
THIS IS RUPTURING NEWS TO HEAR.
WHY, DOOG?
BECAUSE WELL, BECAUSE I FEEL
THE SAME WAY YOU DO ABOUT
WELL, YOU KNOW
THE YELLOW-HAIRED GIRL
IN FRONT OF YOU.
YOU DO?
BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW
MY SISTER, KAVLATCHIE?
WHAT'S YOUR SISTER GO
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
SHE IS THE GIRL, DOOG.
KAVLATCHIE IS OLDER THAN ME, SO
WE SAY SHE SITS IN FRONT OF ME.
YOU KNOW THIS EXPRESSION?
NO.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE LETTER WASN'
FOR PATTI AFTER ALL.
FENTRUCK, I
TAKE IT ALL BACK.
I'LL BE GLAD TO WRITE
YOUR SISTER A LETTER.
OH, THANK YOU, DOOG.
ZWOOBA, ZWOOBA.
MY FRIEND.
SO FENTRUCK DIDN'T LIKE PATTI,
WHAT A RELIEF.
BUT DID PATTI LIKE FENTRUCK?
I HAD TO FIND OUT.
UH, PATTI?
OH, HI, DOUG.
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU
TO BE MY LAB PARTNER.
WHAT?
BUT YOU
HELPED FENTRUCK
SO I WANTED
TO HELP, TOO.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
WE CAN BE PARTNERS.
SURE, YOU CAN DRAW FROGS
BETTER THAN ANYONE.
SO EVERYTHING TURNED OUT OKAY.
HEY
I NEED THAT!
EXCEPT FOR MY LAB PROJECT.
( humming )
WATCH IT, ROGER!
THAT'S NO
JUST ANY AIR.
( humming )
( yells )
FUNNIE!
I TRIED TO
WARN YOU, MAN.
FUNNIE!
THAT'S A GOOD LOOK
FOR YOU, ROGER.
( laughter )