Duck Dynasty (2012) s02e04 Episode Script
Si'yonara
1 ( music playing ) ( music playing ) - Jase: You wanna go double or nothing? - Martin: All right.
- Gimme me five.
That's 25.
- Dang, nice! Boys, what am I doing over here working my tail off while you boys are playing Dominoes? Si, it's because you are the reed man.
Once you make the reeds, we make the duck calls.
Y'all ain't got a clue how much I hate these reeds.
When you just do something like I've been doing these reeds, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, hey, that will make a man snap like a twig.
Have y'all seen my tea glass? That's 10.
Have y'all seen my tea glass? - Go ahead, give me 10.
- That's 10.
It's hot.
I'm getting thirsty.
Which one of you idiots got my tea glass? Gimme five.
Si: I know one of these knuckleheads has got my tea glass.
It might take me a while, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
It's hot, boys.
Dang nice! Hey.
Tea glass.
Hey.
Tea glass.
Hey.
Hey.
- Hot.
- Play.
Tea.
Glass.
Hey! Hey! - Hey! - What? - Quit yelling.
- Where's the darn tea glass at? - Si, we don't have your tea glass.
- I ain't seen your tea glass.
Jase: Si, your tea cup is not only disgusting, but I would rather play patty-cake with a dead mouse than touch your tea cup.
One of you idiots bound to got it.
It ain't over here where I had it.
- Si, we're busy.
- ( laughing ) Si: I'm like Aretha Franklin.
I don't get no R-S-P-E-C- around this joint.
I'm about to go berserk on you boys.
Now, boys, I'll tell you what.
Here's the whole deal, boys.
Hey.
It's all this "ha, ha, ha," everything's funny and joke with y'all.
- Jase: We're just kidding.
- Homey don't play that.
Y'all frame them babies because it's the last one this cat's doing.
I'm outta here like a Texas tornado, boys.
I quit.
- I think he really just quit.
- Well, we might as well finish this game.
- I'm gonna finish the game.
- He didn't even turn in a two weeks' notice.
( theme music playing ) Silk suit, black tie I don't need a reason why They come running just as fast as they can 'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.
@Cwluc == S02E04 Si'yonara == - What about it? - Hey.
Did y'all finish them duck pickers? - No, we've run into a problem.
- Shocker.
- Si cut out.
- Huh? - Si quit.
- He quit what? - He quit his job.
- Go tell him to come back.
Si cracks up and loses it about every month.
It's fine.
Usually if you just let him sit a while, he'll forget why he quit in the first place.
You're not getting what I'm telling you.
He really quit.
He's gone.
What'd you say to him? Nothing that I hadn't said 10 times before.
- Jase.
- Hey, I'm telling ya, I think the strain - was more than he could bear.
- You wait until he needs that paycheck.
- He's gonna be right back up here.
- Oh, I know.
That's why the first thing I did was I told Linda to take him off the payroll.
- Get some of that.
- Jase.
- Jack.
- You don't take people off the payroll.
I make those decisions.
- Well, what are you gonna do? - The first thing I'm gonna do - is take him off the payroll.
- I just took care of it.
Second thing I'm gonna do is tell you to go back there - and get them duck calls made.
- That's what we're doing.
- That's what I say you're doing.
- All right.
That's ridiculous.
Kay: Now that's my favorite sight in the whole world.
- You with a broom.
- You need to take a picture of this.
You won't see this very often.
Did you see any spiders up there? - Yup.
- ( screams ) ( laughs ) Hey, buddy.
What are you doing here? Willie's in charge of a funny farm.
- Si got his panties in a wad about something.
- No.
Si: When I run into a situation, I can go out and vent my frustration, so to speak, on Phil.
He'll listen.
- He's running an insane asylum up there.
- Huh? Unless it gets boring, then he tunes me out.
I'm over there working and they're over there playing games.
No.
Well, I've had it.
I'm sick of it.
- I quit.
- Huh? - No, I quit.
- Huh? Si, would you sum it all up? What is their problem? - They're idiots.
- Hey.
So, Si, what are you gonna do now? I'd roll up my sleeves and help you over here on the land.
You're Duck Commander, so I'll work for you.
I was like a rabid coon back up there at the warehouse.
Now getting back out in the woods, that's where I was meant to be.
Well, we've always got something you can do down in here, Si.
- I'm down like a rodeo clown.
- ( laughs ) - ( phone rings ) - Miss Kay: Hello? - Yeah, hold on.
It's Willie for you.
- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.
He just got wind.
- Boss man.
- Will.
- Si, what happened? You run a terrible company and it's not your fault - I don't want no scrubs.
- Scrubs are out.
- Will, I quit.
- You can't just quit and leave.
If you want reeds so bad, make them yourself.
- Look-- - Si Robertson out.
( beeps ) You did not just hang up on me.
Well, if Si's gonna play the quitting game, then I'm gonna play the hiring game.
Finding a dude with a beard who needs a job in this town, - it ain't that difficult.
- Well, let's get on it.
- Si: I don't want no scrubs.
- Phil: Scrubs are out.
- ( blowing duck call ) - Jase: I'ma have to admit, I'ma miss old Si here.
- Yup.
- Doing the reeds.
- Let's face it.
He was funny.
- You got that right.
- ( blows duck call ) - Jase: I can't imagine life in the duck call shop without Si.
Just missing the commentary on the bowel movements.
Man, I'm gonna miss that guy.
( file scraping ) What is that? Thought I heard some pitter-patter.
Quit filing! Quit.
- ( creature scurrying ) - You hear that? - Mm-hmm.
- That's a "UV.
" An unidentified varmint.
When I'm sitting in a room and I hear something with claws, I'm fixed to find out what that is.
I'm getting closer.
Is the varmint domesticated? Is this varmint a nuisance? Is this maybe something that I can eat for lunch? You know what I need? Is one of those doctor things, you know Scalpel.
- A what? - Scalpel.
You mean a stethoscope? What's he gonna do with a scalpel? Dissect him? - ( creature scurrying ) - We're gonna have to get this outta here.
How we gonna get to it? This is the warehouse right here.
Where all the products come in, everything's stored.
Duck call room's back here.
Where you'll be spending all your time.
Si's replacement is one of the best reed men in the business.
- You're doing good for yourself.
- We're doin' all right.
- I like the bland colors.
- It's like-- yeah.
I think he's gonna fit in perfectly with the rest of the team.
These guys are professional.
You're gonna learn a lot.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Trying to get the squirrel out of the roof.
Willie: Leave it to Jase and his bunch of slappies to make the perfect first impression for the new guy.
All right, guys.
This is Swede.
He's the new reed man.
Once, just once, I want to walk in this room and actually see guys making duck calls.
- Swede.
- Yup.
- Do they make duck calls in Sweden? - I have no idea.
- You're not from Sweden? - No.
Never been there.
Jase: This guy is off to an odd start.
You can't call yourself "the Swede" if you're not from Sweden.
This goes against every kind of nickname protocol there is.
Get him set up.
That's Martin, John, Jep.
But, hey, if the Swede can catch us up on reeds, I don't care where he's from or what his nickname is.
Welcome aboard.
- I'll get you lined out.
- Swede: Okay, thanks.
- Thanks much.
- No, that's my seat here.
- Oh, okay.
- No, that's yours.
That one's got a hole in it anyway.
( chair squeaking ) - ( passes gas ) - ( laughs ) Sorry.
This may be a bit premature, - but this Swede guy - ( humming ) whew.
He stinks.
Oh, good grief.
Si: This already beats what I was doing up yonder - with them knuckleheads.
- Shovels are better than reeds? Yeah, oh, yeah.
Phil: Today we are fixing our levee up and old Si fixin' to get in on that project.
Basically, it's two old coots tearing up stuff.
( spits ) It could be worse.
- I'm looking forward to this.
- Hey.
We're just two wild, crazy guys fixin' to go out in the great outdoors.
Sun at our back, smell of the woods, wind in our beards.
Brothers are together again.
It's gonna be an old-fashioned bro-down, boys.
We got two tickets to the "brodeo.
" Si: Boo-yah! Swede: And another one bites the dust.
And another one bites the dust.
And another one bites the dust.
And-- you got any more reeds? - Yeah.
- Because I burned through those like "buttah.
" Well, congratulations.
Two hours ago, all we knew was that the Swede had a terrible nickname and his talking was at a trickle.
Like this.
Another one.
Five minutes after that, the levee broke.
I am literally burning through these things.
It's been a flood of crap ever since.
You look like a dwarven warrior.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
I'm more of like an independent film kind of guy.
You've never seen "Top Gun"? I actually know a lot about the Civil War.
They have frogs this big.
The Amish actually train themselves, both body and mind.
You're too close to me.
This is awkward.
- ( blows duck call ) - That sounded like crap.
How's it going? It's goin'.
Look at this guy, huh? That's big time.
I couldn't be more happy with how the Swede's working out in the duck call room.
- Swede, you're doin' good, son.
- Thanks, boss.
Si Robertson is but a distant, old, foggy, farty memory.
- Look at how quiet he is.
- ( scoffs ) - Quiet as a church mouse.
- Willie: I like it.
- Keep working.
- ( blows duck call ) - Is it break time yet? - Jase: Yup.
Boy, it's good to get out of that stupid warehouse.
Back out here in the woods.
Phil: Free manual labor, it's hard to find hands.
That's why we got old Red.
The backhoe operator.
- What do you think? - You got a big hole to fill up.
So, Si, basically just be there for moral support.
Si: Red, he's a fair operator on the backhoe.
He ain't a great operator.
I'm a great operator.
Red, hold up.
You ain't doin' it right.
Let me get on that backhoe.
I'll let you have it if you can do a better job than me.
- Si, can you handle it? - Si: Yeah, I can handle it.
You understand the objective? - Hey, look here.
You see that dirt right there? - Yeah.
That needs to go right there.
That is the objective.
- Take the dirt from right there-- - I got that.
- Huh? - I got it.
Si: That machine will be an extension of my body.
The only difference between that and my hands is I can't grab as much with my hands.
Si, you've been building them reeds for about a decade.
- When's the last time you was on a backhoe? - Community project.
- Community project? - Yeah.
In Vietnam.
Si, that's been 40 years.
Been a while, but it's like riding a bicycle.
- You never forget.
- ( backhoe starts ) You boys don't wanna worry about it.
I know what I'm doing.
- Whoop.
- He's puttin' the dirt back in the hole.
Piece of junk.
Whoa.
Boom, bow, bang, boom, bark, squealing.
- That dirt there needs to go this way.
- Si: I know it.
- Good night.
- I think we better back up a little bit.
Yeah, I see trouble here.
Trouble, trouble, here.
( sighs ) Hey, this thing's a piece of trash.
- Uh-oh.
- Phil: In his prime, Si probably was pretty good at using heavy machinery.
- Si: Piece of junk.
- But I remember when Miss Kay weighed about 95 pounds and was a cheerleader.
Them days kind of long behind us here now.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Hey, Si.
The idea is to keep the water over there.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It ain't my fault.
This thing here is a piece of junk.
I fail to see how this is not old Silus's fault right here.
- What do you think, Red? - Si: Hey, look, this backhoe is old, okay? It's not functioning right.
Phil: Si, might oughta call it a day and let old Red get back on that backhoe - and see what he can do with it.
- He's welcome to it.
I'm old, too, but, hey, I function perfectly.
- Perfectly perfect.
- Yup.
- ( dog barking ) - Get, get, get.
Go play with Bobo.
He's right over there.
Go on.
- Or go that way.
- Miss Kay, what are you doing in there? - I'm watering.
- Whew.
- How'd it go over there? - Si: Oh, it went great.
Red, let's see.
Oh, you did pretty good today, Red.
- Nice doing business with you.
- See you all in the morning.
- Good work.
- What about my pay, Phil? - ( sighs ) Well-- - How am I gonna get paid now? - Paid - In cash.
Phil: Paying Si to tear up a levee and let water out instead of hold it in-- that be kind of like paying a game warden to come down there and write you up for something you ain't done.
Pfft.
No.
The only money changing hands is between Will and everybody, not Phil and everybody.
Old Will be your contact on that.
Well, hey, you're the Duck Commander.
I'll just tell Will - that you said pay me.
- Mm.
I don't know about that.
- I'll see you in the morning.
- All right.
Probably won't add up to doodly-squat.
- What's up, Will? - Hey, what's up? - I got 100 Classics done.
- Set 'em down.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- How's it going? - Nailing it.
- There's a reason why I do all the hiring and firing around this joint.
Because I know people.
Everybody here I have strategically placed to do a job or they're family.
Actually, most of them are just family.
- Do you like it back there? - I'm getting along with the guys real well.
Rock 'n' roll.
Jase: Oh, man.
- Fresh air.
- Grief.
- That's what I needed was fresh air.
- That's for sure.
I don't understand how somebody hadn't knocked this guy's teeth out before.
I'm ready to come out here and scratch some gravel with him.
Some dude getting his windpipe ripped out or something where he can't talk, you know what I mean? - Dismember him.
- I don't want to dismember him.
- I just want-- - No, let me do it.
I'll do it.
Why? I'll take all the pressure off of ya.
- This is getting awkward.
- I guess till tomorrow.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look who it is.
- Looky here.
- Oh, yeah, baby.
- Jase: Si.
- What about it, boys? I have never been so happy to see you in my entire life.
If it wouldn't be so awkward, I would actually give you a hug.
- That's how excited I am.
- What's he talking about? - Come here.
I am gonna give you a hug.
- Whoa, whoa.
Get back.
Come here, Si.
It's just good to see you.
Y'all a dollar late-- a day late.
That's late and short.
You need to go meet your replacement.
- Replacement? - Yeah.
You boys ain't learned yet? Y'all can't replace me.
- Well, you know what? - I need to talk to Willie.
- He's talking to him now? - Jase: Yeah, he's talking to him now.
Si: I'll tell him, he's probably going to have to hire five people - to take care of what I done.
- All right.
Well, good luck.
Si: Yup, all right.
See you all boys later.
Rocking 'n' rolling, Swede.
You are churning them out.
- Well, actually-- - One at a time.
Bang, bang, bang, - Hey, Willie.
- bang, bang, bang.
- I wanted to talk to you about that.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, Si.
- Hey, Will.
I put in a hard day with Phil and he said I had to ask you to get paid.
- Paid for what? - For working out there with Phil.
Everything down there is just for funsies.
Funsies don't pay the bills, Jack.
- This is the guy you replaced.
- I don't know what he's been telling you.
This is the most boring, drudging, dull, monotonous, unappreciated job there is around this joint.
- Don't listen to him.
- You want some advice? Get yourself some thick, thick glasses - 'cause you gonna need them looking at them reeds.
- Si.
My hands cramp up from back there doing them reeds.
See this finger here? That finger used to be straight.
Si, your hands are cramping up because you're 100 years old.
Hey, I've been sitting on that chair for about 10 years, I got hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.
- Si, please.
- See, I'll tell you about that.
Swede, don't listen to him.
This is your job.
It has nothing to do with his hemorrhoids or anything he's talking about.
- You're the man for the job.
- Well, actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Actually, I'm quitting.
- Quitting? - But I hope there's no hard feelings.
- But you were crushing it.
- Yeah, I know.
This isn't for me, man.
I appreciate it, though.
- Do you believe this guy? - Yeah, I believe him.
I got him right where I want him now.
You seen the movie "Negotiator," okay? - I need to get paid.
- Well, I just had a position open up.
- What position? - Chief reed maker.
You gotta admit, that's the worst job in this company.
- The most boring and monotonous junk.
- I'll give you a raise.
- I can do that.
- All right.
- And I want an assistant.
- No.
I'll give you a raise.
I'm not giving you an assistant.
- And a two-hour nap.
- No.
- Deal.
- Deal.
Si: The one-hour nap is in, right? Willie: Dude, you're getting demanding in your old age.
Phil: Father, we thank you for our good day.
Thank you for the good food - Miss Kay has cooked for us.
Amen.
- All: Amen.
Phil: I noticed that the macaroni and cheese ended up - in front of the big ones down there.
- Miss Kay: Yes.
- Let's eat.
- Let's eat.
Willie's voice: When it comes to working with family, Lord knows it ain't always easy.
I've found that in life, we tend to take the people closest to us for granted.
They're around so much, we forget how much we really need them.
I think the trick to remembering is to be away for a while.
It always serves as a good reminder as to really how important a person is.
Even if that person is a kooky old fart.
- Willie: Si, no more quitting.
- Si: I'll agree with that
- Gimme me five.
That's 25.
- Dang, nice! Boys, what am I doing over here working my tail off while you boys are playing Dominoes? Si, it's because you are the reed man.
Once you make the reeds, we make the duck calls.
Y'all ain't got a clue how much I hate these reeds.
When you just do something like I've been doing these reeds, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, hey, that will make a man snap like a twig.
Have y'all seen my tea glass? That's 10.
Have y'all seen my tea glass? - Go ahead, give me 10.
- That's 10.
It's hot.
I'm getting thirsty.
Which one of you idiots got my tea glass? Gimme five.
Si: I know one of these knuckleheads has got my tea glass.
It might take me a while, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
It's hot, boys.
Dang nice! Hey.
Tea glass.
Hey.
Tea glass.
Hey.
Hey.
- Hot.
- Play.
Tea.
Glass.
Hey! Hey! - Hey! - What? - Quit yelling.
- Where's the darn tea glass at? - Si, we don't have your tea glass.
- I ain't seen your tea glass.
Jase: Si, your tea cup is not only disgusting, but I would rather play patty-cake with a dead mouse than touch your tea cup.
One of you idiots bound to got it.
It ain't over here where I had it.
- Si, we're busy.
- ( laughing ) Si: I'm like Aretha Franklin.
I don't get no R-S-P-E-C- around this joint.
I'm about to go berserk on you boys.
Now, boys, I'll tell you what.
Here's the whole deal, boys.
Hey.
It's all this "ha, ha, ha," everything's funny and joke with y'all.
- Jase: We're just kidding.
- Homey don't play that.
Y'all frame them babies because it's the last one this cat's doing.
I'm outta here like a Texas tornado, boys.
I quit.
- I think he really just quit.
- Well, we might as well finish this game.
- I'm gonna finish the game.
- He didn't even turn in a two weeks' notice.
( theme music playing ) Silk suit, black tie I don't need a reason why They come running just as fast as they can 'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.
@Cwluc == S02E04 Si'yonara == - What about it? - Hey.
Did y'all finish them duck pickers? - No, we've run into a problem.
- Shocker.
- Si cut out.
- Huh? - Si quit.
- He quit what? - He quit his job.
- Go tell him to come back.
Si cracks up and loses it about every month.
It's fine.
Usually if you just let him sit a while, he'll forget why he quit in the first place.
You're not getting what I'm telling you.
He really quit.
He's gone.
What'd you say to him? Nothing that I hadn't said 10 times before.
- Jase.
- Hey, I'm telling ya, I think the strain - was more than he could bear.
- You wait until he needs that paycheck.
- He's gonna be right back up here.
- Oh, I know.
That's why the first thing I did was I told Linda to take him off the payroll.
- Get some of that.
- Jase.
- Jack.
- You don't take people off the payroll.
I make those decisions.
- Well, what are you gonna do? - The first thing I'm gonna do - is take him off the payroll.
- I just took care of it.
Second thing I'm gonna do is tell you to go back there - and get them duck calls made.
- That's what we're doing.
- That's what I say you're doing.
- All right.
That's ridiculous.
Kay: Now that's my favorite sight in the whole world.
- You with a broom.
- You need to take a picture of this.
You won't see this very often.
Did you see any spiders up there? - Yup.
- ( screams ) ( laughs ) Hey, buddy.
What are you doing here? Willie's in charge of a funny farm.
- Si got his panties in a wad about something.
- No.
Si: When I run into a situation, I can go out and vent my frustration, so to speak, on Phil.
He'll listen.
- He's running an insane asylum up there.
- Huh? Unless it gets boring, then he tunes me out.
I'm over there working and they're over there playing games.
No.
Well, I've had it.
I'm sick of it.
- I quit.
- Huh? - No, I quit.
- Huh? Si, would you sum it all up? What is their problem? - They're idiots.
- Hey.
So, Si, what are you gonna do now? I'd roll up my sleeves and help you over here on the land.
You're Duck Commander, so I'll work for you.
I was like a rabid coon back up there at the warehouse.
Now getting back out in the woods, that's where I was meant to be.
Well, we've always got something you can do down in here, Si.
- I'm down like a rodeo clown.
- ( laughs ) - ( phone rings ) - Miss Kay: Hello? - Yeah, hold on.
It's Willie for you.
- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.
He just got wind.
- Boss man.
- Will.
- Si, what happened? You run a terrible company and it's not your fault - I don't want no scrubs.
- Scrubs are out.
- Will, I quit.
- You can't just quit and leave.
If you want reeds so bad, make them yourself.
- Look-- - Si Robertson out.
( beeps ) You did not just hang up on me.
Well, if Si's gonna play the quitting game, then I'm gonna play the hiring game.
Finding a dude with a beard who needs a job in this town, - it ain't that difficult.
- Well, let's get on it.
- Si: I don't want no scrubs.
- Phil: Scrubs are out.
- ( blowing duck call ) - Jase: I'ma have to admit, I'ma miss old Si here.
- Yup.
- Doing the reeds.
- Let's face it.
He was funny.
- You got that right.
- ( blows duck call ) - Jase: I can't imagine life in the duck call shop without Si.
Just missing the commentary on the bowel movements.
Man, I'm gonna miss that guy.
( file scraping ) What is that? Thought I heard some pitter-patter.
Quit filing! Quit.
- ( creature scurrying ) - You hear that? - Mm-hmm.
- That's a "UV.
" An unidentified varmint.
When I'm sitting in a room and I hear something with claws, I'm fixed to find out what that is.
I'm getting closer.
Is the varmint domesticated? Is this varmint a nuisance? Is this maybe something that I can eat for lunch? You know what I need? Is one of those doctor things, you know Scalpel.
- A what? - Scalpel.
You mean a stethoscope? What's he gonna do with a scalpel? Dissect him? - ( creature scurrying ) - We're gonna have to get this outta here.
How we gonna get to it? This is the warehouse right here.
Where all the products come in, everything's stored.
Duck call room's back here.
Where you'll be spending all your time.
Si's replacement is one of the best reed men in the business.
- You're doing good for yourself.
- We're doin' all right.
- I like the bland colors.
- It's like-- yeah.
I think he's gonna fit in perfectly with the rest of the team.
These guys are professional.
You're gonna learn a lot.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Trying to get the squirrel out of the roof.
Willie: Leave it to Jase and his bunch of slappies to make the perfect first impression for the new guy.
All right, guys.
This is Swede.
He's the new reed man.
Once, just once, I want to walk in this room and actually see guys making duck calls.
- Swede.
- Yup.
- Do they make duck calls in Sweden? - I have no idea.
- You're not from Sweden? - No.
Never been there.
Jase: This guy is off to an odd start.
You can't call yourself "the Swede" if you're not from Sweden.
This goes against every kind of nickname protocol there is.
Get him set up.
That's Martin, John, Jep.
But, hey, if the Swede can catch us up on reeds, I don't care where he's from or what his nickname is.
Welcome aboard.
- I'll get you lined out.
- Swede: Okay, thanks.
- Thanks much.
- No, that's my seat here.
- Oh, okay.
- No, that's yours.
That one's got a hole in it anyway.
( chair squeaking ) - ( passes gas ) - ( laughs ) Sorry.
This may be a bit premature, - but this Swede guy - ( humming ) whew.
He stinks.
Oh, good grief.
Si: This already beats what I was doing up yonder - with them knuckleheads.
- Shovels are better than reeds? Yeah, oh, yeah.
Phil: Today we are fixing our levee up and old Si fixin' to get in on that project.
Basically, it's two old coots tearing up stuff.
( spits ) It could be worse.
- I'm looking forward to this.
- Hey.
We're just two wild, crazy guys fixin' to go out in the great outdoors.
Sun at our back, smell of the woods, wind in our beards.
Brothers are together again.
It's gonna be an old-fashioned bro-down, boys.
We got two tickets to the "brodeo.
" Si: Boo-yah! Swede: And another one bites the dust.
And another one bites the dust.
And another one bites the dust.
And-- you got any more reeds? - Yeah.
- Because I burned through those like "buttah.
" Well, congratulations.
Two hours ago, all we knew was that the Swede had a terrible nickname and his talking was at a trickle.
Like this.
Another one.
Five minutes after that, the levee broke.
I am literally burning through these things.
It's been a flood of crap ever since.
You look like a dwarven warrior.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
I'm more of like an independent film kind of guy.
You've never seen "Top Gun"? I actually know a lot about the Civil War.
They have frogs this big.
The Amish actually train themselves, both body and mind.
You're too close to me.
This is awkward.
- ( blows duck call ) - That sounded like crap.
How's it going? It's goin'.
Look at this guy, huh? That's big time.
I couldn't be more happy with how the Swede's working out in the duck call room.
- Swede, you're doin' good, son.
- Thanks, boss.
Si Robertson is but a distant, old, foggy, farty memory.
- Look at how quiet he is.
- ( scoffs ) - Quiet as a church mouse.
- Willie: I like it.
- Keep working.
- ( blows duck call ) - Is it break time yet? - Jase: Yup.
Boy, it's good to get out of that stupid warehouse.
Back out here in the woods.
Phil: Free manual labor, it's hard to find hands.
That's why we got old Red.
The backhoe operator.
- What do you think? - You got a big hole to fill up.
So, Si, basically just be there for moral support.
Si: Red, he's a fair operator on the backhoe.
He ain't a great operator.
I'm a great operator.
Red, hold up.
You ain't doin' it right.
Let me get on that backhoe.
I'll let you have it if you can do a better job than me.
- Si, can you handle it? - Si: Yeah, I can handle it.
You understand the objective? - Hey, look here.
You see that dirt right there? - Yeah.
That needs to go right there.
That is the objective.
- Take the dirt from right there-- - I got that.
- Huh? - I got it.
Si: That machine will be an extension of my body.
The only difference between that and my hands is I can't grab as much with my hands.
Si, you've been building them reeds for about a decade.
- When's the last time you was on a backhoe? - Community project.
- Community project? - Yeah.
In Vietnam.
Si, that's been 40 years.
Been a while, but it's like riding a bicycle.
- You never forget.
- ( backhoe starts ) You boys don't wanna worry about it.
I know what I'm doing.
- Whoop.
- He's puttin' the dirt back in the hole.
Piece of junk.
Whoa.
Boom, bow, bang, boom, bark, squealing.
- That dirt there needs to go this way.
- Si: I know it.
- Good night.
- I think we better back up a little bit.
Yeah, I see trouble here.
Trouble, trouble, here.
( sighs ) Hey, this thing's a piece of trash.
- Uh-oh.
- Phil: In his prime, Si probably was pretty good at using heavy machinery.
- Si: Piece of junk.
- But I remember when Miss Kay weighed about 95 pounds and was a cheerleader.
Them days kind of long behind us here now.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Hey, Si.
The idea is to keep the water over there.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It ain't my fault.
This thing here is a piece of junk.
I fail to see how this is not old Silus's fault right here.
- What do you think, Red? - Si: Hey, look, this backhoe is old, okay? It's not functioning right.
Phil: Si, might oughta call it a day and let old Red get back on that backhoe - and see what he can do with it.
- He's welcome to it.
I'm old, too, but, hey, I function perfectly.
- Perfectly perfect.
- Yup.
- ( dog barking ) - Get, get, get.
Go play with Bobo.
He's right over there.
Go on.
- Or go that way.
- Miss Kay, what are you doing in there? - I'm watering.
- Whew.
- How'd it go over there? - Si: Oh, it went great.
Red, let's see.
Oh, you did pretty good today, Red.
- Nice doing business with you.
- See you all in the morning.
- Good work.
- What about my pay, Phil? - ( sighs ) Well-- - How am I gonna get paid now? - Paid - In cash.
Phil: Paying Si to tear up a levee and let water out instead of hold it in-- that be kind of like paying a game warden to come down there and write you up for something you ain't done.
Pfft.
No.
The only money changing hands is between Will and everybody, not Phil and everybody.
Old Will be your contact on that.
Well, hey, you're the Duck Commander.
I'll just tell Will - that you said pay me.
- Mm.
I don't know about that.
- I'll see you in the morning.
- All right.
Probably won't add up to doodly-squat.
- What's up, Will? - Hey, what's up? - I got 100 Classics done.
- Set 'em down.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- How's it going? - Nailing it.
- There's a reason why I do all the hiring and firing around this joint.
Because I know people.
Everybody here I have strategically placed to do a job or they're family.
Actually, most of them are just family.
- Do you like it back there? - I'm getting along with the guys real well.
Rock 'n' roll.
Jase: Oh, man.
- Fresh air.
- Grief.
- That's what I needed was fresh air.
- That's for sure.
I don't understand how somebody hadn't knocked this guy's teeth out before.
I'm ready to come out here and scratch some gravel with him.
Some dude getting his windpipe ripped out or something where he can't talk, you know what I mean? - Dismember him.
- I don't want to dismember him.
- I just want-- - No, let me do it.
I'll do it.
Why? I'll take all the pressure off of ya.
- This is getting awkward.
- I guess till tomorrow.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look who it is.
- Looky here.
- Oh, yeah, baby.
- Jase: Si.
- What about it, boys? I have never been so happy to see you in my entire life.
If it wouldn't be so awkward, I would actually give you a hug.
- That's how excited I am.
- What's he talking about? - Come here.
I am gonna give you a hug.
- Whoa, whoa.
Get back.
Come here, Si.
It's just good to see you.
Y'all a dollar late-- a day late.
That's late and short.
You need to go meet your replacement.
- Replacement? - Yeah.
You boys ain't learned yet? Y'all can't replace me.
- Well, you know what? - I need to talk to Willie.
- He's talking to him now? - Jase: Yeah, he's talking to him now.
Si: I'll tell him, he's probably going to have to hire five people - to take care of what I done.
- All right.
Well, good luck.
Si: Yup, all right.
See you all boys later.
Rocking 'n' rolling, Swede.
You are churning them out.
- Well, actually-- - One at a time.
Bang, bang, bang, - Hey, Willie.
- bang, bang, bang.
- I wanted to talk to you about that.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, Si.
- Hey, Will.
I put in a hard day with Phil and he said I had to ask you to get paid.
- Paid for what? - For working out there with Phil.
Everything down there is just for funsies.
Funsies don't pay the bills, Jack.
- This is the guy you replaced.
- I don't know what he's been telling you.
This is the most boring, drudging, dull, monotonous, unappreciated job there is around this joint.
- Don't listen to him.
- You want some advice? Get yourself some thick, thick glasses - 'cause you gonna need them looking at them reeds.
- Si.
My hands cramp up from back there doing them reeds.
See this finger here? That finger used to be straight.
Si, your hands are cramping up because you're 100 years old.
Hey, I've been sitting on that chair for about 10 years, I got hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.
- Si, please.
- See, I'll tell you about that.
Swede, don't listen to him.
This is your job.
It has nothing to do with his hemorrhoids or anything he's talking about.
- You're the man for the job.
- Well, actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Actually, I'm quitting.
- Quitting? - But I hope there's no hard feelings.
- But you were crushing it.
- Yeah, I know.
This isn't for me, man.
I appreciate it, though.
- Do you believe this guy? - Yeah, I believe him.
I got him right where I want him now.
You seen the movie "Negotiator," okay? - I need to get paid.
- Well, I just had a position open up.
- What position? - Chief reed maker.
You gotta admit, that's the worst job in this company.
- The most boring and monotonous junk.
- I'll give you a raise.
- I can do that.
- All right.
- And I want an assistant.
- No.
I'll give you a raise.
I'm not giving you an assistant.
- And a two-hour nap.
- No.
- Deal.
- Deal.
Si: The one-hour nap is in, right? Willie: Dude, you're getting demanding in your old age.
Phil: Father, we thank you for our good day.
Thank you for the good food - Miss Kay has cooked for us.
Amen.
- All: Amen.
Phil: I noticed that the macaroni and cheese ended up - in front of the big ones down there.
- Miss Kay: Yes.
- Let's eat.
- Let's eat.
Willie's voice: When it comes to working with family, Lord knows it ain't always easy.
I've found that in life, we tend to take the people closest to us for granted.
They're around so much, we forget how much we really need them.
I think the trick to remembering is to be away for a while.
It always serves as a good reminder as to really how important a person is.
Even if that person is a kooky old fart.
- Willie: Si, no more quitting.
- Si: I'll agree with that