Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s02e04 Episode Script

1
SARAH! OH! OOH! EEK! HELP!
WHAT ROTTEN LUCK.
HMM? PLEASE, TELL
ROLF HIS EYES DO NOT LIE.
HELLO? WHAT?
WHOA! HEY! OH!
IT IS THE CURSE OF THE
SIRENS IN THE HUNGRY TREE!
WHERE'S THE CASH?
STRANGE, MY ELECTROMAGNET SEEMS
TO BE ADVERSE TO CERTAIN METAL ALLOYS.
LET'S GET FUNKY!
THEY'LL HEAR US!
EDD, PLEASE, NOT NOW!
THE SIRENS CALL UPON US!
WE MUST DO THE BELLY BUMP, AS I
IS THE ONLY WAY TO PLEASE THE TREE!
I AM ROLF, SON OF A SHEPHERD.
HA HA! I CAN TIE MY SHOES, EDDY!
LOOKS LIKE THE
KNOT IN YOUR HEAD!
AAH!
ED BOYS?
Kevin: LET'S POUND THEM, ROLF!
ROLF IS NOT AMUSED,
YOU HOW YOU SAY? DUCKS?
DORKS!
YES, THAT IS WHAT I SAID.
NO, YOU SAID
DUCKS! SEE, DUCKS!
UH, HA HA! ROLF, KEVIN.
HATE TO INTERRUPT, SO
GET BACK HERE!
QUICK! SCATTER!
Kevin: A KNUCKLE
SANDWICH, EH, ROLF?
NO, THANK YOU. I AM NOT HUNGRY.
OH, DEAR! I DEPLORE PHYSICAL
ALTERCATIONS! HIDE, I MUST
SHH! SHH!
Rolf: I THINK I SAW
THE DUCKS RUN HERE!
DORKS, ROLF, DORKS.
DORKS DO NOT QUACK, KEVIN.
WHATEVER. LET'S FIND THEM.
SUCKERS!
HEY, ED! ED! COME
ON OUT, IT'S ALL CLEAR!
HI, EDDY!
NICE HAT, ED.
I'M FANCY! LOOK AT ME.
OK, A-ONE, AND A-TWO, AND-A
TOUCH YOUR TOE TO YOUR NOSE!
LIKE THIS?
Eddy: GOOD ONE, ED!
OK, NOW HOP FORWARD!
THAT'S IT! KEEP GOING!
YOU GOTTA LOVE HIM.
ED COULD BE ON TV,
DON'T YOU THINK, EDDY?
IT'S ALL IN THE
DIRECTING, DOUBLE-D.
EDDY IS MR. SHOWBIZ.
I'll GIVE YOU
MISTER SHOWBIZ?!
BIG CASH IN SHOWBIZ.
THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE IT.
LIGHTS, CAMERA, BINGO.
COME ON, MR. BIG SHOUT!
[LAUGHTER]
LOOK, GUYS!
RUN AWAY! RUN! LOOK OUT!
HERE WE ARE ON LOCATION
WITH RENAISSANCE MAN MR. EDDY!
MR. EDDY, HOW ABOUT A SCOOP?
LET ME TELL YOU. I'll BE HOSTING AND
DIRECTING THE CUL-DE-SAC'S FIRST EVER
UH HEY, JOHNNY,
USE IT OR LOSE IT.
FIRST EVER TV SHOW!
IT'LL HAVE GLITZ,
TINSEL, AND TV CAMERAS!
GLITZ? TINSEL? TV CAMERAS?
MAKEUP.
I'M ON TV!
HI, MOM!
SMILE, PLANK!
HELLO, VICTOR!
SEE ME, TELEVISION LAND?
HEY, I'M UP HERE,
YOU HI, I'M NAZZ.
CUT! SAVE THE FILM
FOR THE BIG STARS, ED.
CARE TO NAME-DROP, MR. EDDY?
CAN'T TALK ABOU
IT. LEGAL STUFF.
BUT I'll BE HOLDING
AUDITIONS FOR LOCAL TALENT.
NOW, THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!
LET'S REHEARSE, PLANK!
WE'LL BE FAMOUS!
[CHEERING AND YELLING]
HERE'S MY AUDITION.
HA HA HA! LOSERS!
PRIMA DONNA. AFTER OUR SHOW,
WE'LL BE ROLLING IN JAWBREAKERS!
ROLLING, MR. EDDY! HA HA HA!
Edd: AUDITIONING,
JOHNNY 2X4 AND PLANK.
ANYTIME YOU'RE READY, KID.
PLANK TELLS JOKES.
KNOCK THEM DEAD, BUDDY!
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
OH, THAT'S A GOOD
ONE! YOU'RE KILLING ME!
HA HA HA!
NEXT!
COME ON, WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.
HI, GUYS! I'M HERE TO AUDITION.
OH, UH, BRAVO.
THAT WAS FUN!
SIGN HER UP, DOUBLE-D!
SIGN HER UP? NAZZ
SINGLE-HANDEDLY
ANNIHILATED ALL THAT IS MUSIC!
YEAH. Rolf: HELLO?
I WILL BE PERFORMING
MY COUNTRY'S
TRADITIONAL DANCE
OF THE HAIRLESS OTTER.
Eddy: NEXT!
THERE'S NO BUDGET FOR SUBTITLES.
Sarah: READY!
WHO INVITED THEM? OK, COME
ON, COME ON. TIME IS MONEY.
I'VE GOT CORN STUCK IN MY TEETH.
COME ON, JIMMY! ♪
DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE
STOP THE MUSIC!
HUH?
SEE THE STAR ON THA
DOOR? THAT'S FOR STARS!
AND YOU'RE A STAR, BABY! LOSE THE
AMATEUR, AND YOU'LL BE A HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT!
I WANT TO BE A STAR.
HEY!
AUDITIONS ARE CLOSED!
DEJA VU.
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO
THE FIRST EVER ED TELETHON!
WE'VE GOT LOADS OF TALENT, AND
OUR OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY
TO TAKE YOUR MONEY
I MEAN, PLEDGES!
YES, IT'S ALL ABOUT RAISING MONEY
FOR ED'S EYEBROW OPERATION.
AW, HERE WE GO.
FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS TO GIVE
AND HELP US REACH OUR GOAL.
HA HA!
WITHOUT YOUR PLEDGES, ED'S EYEBROW
COULD SPREAD ALL OVER HIS BODY.
BODY, STUPID, BODY!
OH, YEAH! OH, NO, IT'S STARTED!
DID YOU SEE IT MOVE?
OH, NO! OH, HO HO!
OK, LET'S START THE SHOW!
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR
THAT TUBA DIVA NAZZ!
THANKS, GUYS!
GO, NAZZ, GO!
NAZZ IS GOOD.
[THUMP]
YOU OK, EDDY?
WE SHOULD JAM SOMETIME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DORK? CAN'T TALK TO GIRLS?
GRR! LET'S GO TO THE PHONES.
HMM? ED!
A PHONE CALL SHOULD
COME UP ANYTIME.
LIKE MY LUNCH.
[LAUGHTER]
AND NOW, LADIES AND
GERMS, MR. MAGIC HIMSELF,
THE GREAT JIMBO!
Sarah: YAY!
SNORESVILLE. AMAZE ME.
HURRY, JIMMY, PLEASE.
MY FEATHER, IT WON'
STAY UP! IT'S LIMP.
WHERE'S JIMMY?
A PLUME PREDICAMENT.
All: JIMMY! JIMMY! JIMMY! JIMMY!
Eddy: GET OUT THERE
AND STALL THEM!
HEY, LOOK! JIMMY TURNED
HIMSELF INTO A DORK!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
OH, DEAR. THERE GO THE LEGS.
THIS SHOW HEAVES!
A PLEDGE!
ED TELETHON!
EDDY, DO YOU KEEP
DONATIONS IN THE FRIDGE?
Sarah: YAY, JIMMY!
FOR MY FIRST TRICK, I WILL MAKE A FLOWER
MAGICALLY BLOOM FROM A POT OF SOIL.
SAY THE MAGIC WORDS
BUBBLY-BUBBLY-BOO!
HUH?
OH, HE'S LAYING AN EGG!
UM, COULD I GET A
VOLUNTEER, PLEASE?
ME, ME, ME! ME, ME, ME!
OK, SARAH
PROVE TO ROLF YOUR
POWERS ARE TRUE!
THAT-A-BOY, ROLF!
I WILL NOW SAW ROLF IN
HA HA HA! MY GUT'S KILLING ME!
BUT I'M A STAR!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
Jimmy: AAH!
JIMMY?
COME ON, WHO'S ON DECK?
[RING] ED TELETHON!
ARE DONATIONS BIGGER
THAN A BREADBOX?
ARGH!
THIS TELETHON STINKS!
YEAH, I SMELL IT!
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE A
OOH! WELCOME TO
THE DORK TELETHON!
I'M YOUR TWERP HOST EDDY!
WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP
MY POOR, HAIRY FRIEND?
YEAH, PLEASE HELP ME, FOR MY
EYEBROW IS GROWING LIKE A GARDEN WEED!
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
LET US DO OUR OWN SHOW!
GOOD IDEA, ROLF.
BYE-BYE, ED BOYS!
WAIT UP, GUYS!
THEY STOLE OUR
AUDIENCE, DOUBLE-D!
THE BIGGER YOU ARE,
THE HARDER YOU FALL.
IS THIS A DONATION?
ED'S BIG.
A-OOH!
I'M THE HAIRLESS OTTER,
AND I MUST EAT CHICKEN!
HEY, YOU BAG OF FLESH!
A-OOH! HA HA! HA HA!
LET'S DANCE! KER-POW!
OW! OH, MY OTTER HEART,
IT HAS BEEN STRUCK!
AHA! YOU MISSED,
RECONNAISSANCE KEVIN!
STUPID BROOM!
YEEHAH!
Kevin: AAH! I'M OTTER BAIT!
[CHEERING]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH. THANK YOU!
THAT'S OUR MONEY
THEY'RE THROWING!
CAN I GO OVER AND WATCH?
WHY BOTHER? THEY'LL
BE COMING TO US.
Eddy: HEY, ROMEO AND JULIET!
WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?
FULL POWER, DOUBLE-D!
POWERING UP, EDDY!
IT FLOATS!
[SCREAMING]
DOUBLE-D?
SILLY ME. IT APPEARS I PU
THE BATTERIES IN BACKWARDS.
YOU SURE HAVEN'T BEEN ON
THE BALL LATELY, HUH, DOUBLE-D?
Ed: KIND OF FUNKY, HUH, GUYS?
HOWDY! I'M KING TRITON,
AND WELCOME TO
ED'S SEA ADVENTURE.
READY FOR ADVENTURE?
COME ON, JOHNNY!
BEHOLD!
AHOY, LANDLUBBER!
I'M BARNACLE ED.
FOR A LOUSY 25 CENTS,
JUMP ON MY BACK
AND RIDE A BARNACLE.
WOO-HOO HOO! LET ME HAVE IT!
HA HA HA!
WOO-HOO!
BARNACLE!
Johnny: WHEE!
WHOA!
LOBSTER CLAWS ARE
SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
HA HA HA!
WE'VE BEEN PICKLED, PLANK!
ONLY AT ED'S SEA ADVENTURE!
WOO-HOO!
Y'ALL COME BACK NOW.
THAT'LL BE 25 CENTS.
[GASP]
ALL I HAVE IS COCONUTS.
HELP YOURSELVES.
THANKS, KING TRITON.
ME AND PLANK HAD A BLAST!
GRRR!
OH, JOHNNY BOY
CAN I SHAVE THEM?
DEAR ED, YOU DON'T SHAVE
COCONUTS. YOU EAT THEM.
LIKE REPORT CARDS?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, ED?
YOU LOOK AS THOUGH
YOU'RE IN PAIN.
OW! MY TOOTH HURTS!
FOR REAL.
YOU JUST WANT TO WEAR
THIS BEARD, DON'T YOU?
I SUGGEST AN EXAMINATION
OF THIS CULPRIT CUSPID.
AHHHH.
MM-HMM.
AAH!
YOU'RE LOSING YOUR
LAST BABY TOOTH, ED.
WHY, THE TOOTH FAIRY WILL PAY
PAY BIG BUCKS FOR THIS TOOTH!
AAH!
DON'T TOUCH IT.
LET GO, ED.
OW.
EDDY, PLEASE. YOU CAN'T TAMPER
WITH ED'S NATURAL GROWTH PATTERNS.
M-MEOW.
[WHISTLE]
Eddy: OH, ED!
ED!
LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT.
A JAWBREAKER.
SEE? ALL FOR YOU.
UH Edd: EDDY.
YOU HAVE TO GET UP
PRETTY EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO FOOL SOMEONE
WITH THAT OLD TRICK.
Ed: JAWBREAKER!
YUM! YUM! YUM!
ED, NO! WAIT!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
OH.
OH.
I'VE BEEN VIOLATED.
OUCH. MY TOOTH'S SORE.
WHERE'D THE TOOTH GO?
DID IT ROLL UNDER HERE?
IT'S STILL IN YOUR MOUTH.
BUT BARELY.
COME ON, BABY. COME ON!
Edd: OH, THAT WAS
BRILLIANT, EDDY.
I BET YOU WERE UP ALL
NIGHT THINKING UP THAT PLAN.
THE ITINERARY OF DENTAL
GROWTH IS CARVED IN STONE.
HEY, DOUBLE-D.
IS THAT AN ANTHILL?
WHY, YES, IT IS.
A FINE SPECIMEN, AT THAT.
NIMBLE, QUICK,
SPRIGHTLY, AND SPRY.
[BELL RINGS]
OK, LET'S GO.
HANG ON.
SAY "WHIPLASH."
HI, MOM! Edd: ED!
YOU NEED TO PROTECT THAT TOOTH.
I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH EDDY.
EDDY! YOU DROPPED YOUR GLOVE!
THIS IS TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT.
BOP AH DOO BOP BOP
I SMELL SOMETHIN', ROLF.
THAT'S THE SMELL
OF MONEY, KEVIN.
NO, THAT IS MY MAMA BOILING
THE FAT FROM PAPA'S UNDERSHIRTS.
I'M OFFERING A TOOTH REWARD.
Sarah: EDDY! HAVE
YOU SEEN JIMMY?
Jimmy: IS THAT YOU, SARAH?
HELP! HELP!
I'll HELP YA, JIMMY!
THERE'S A BRIGHT LIGHT,
SARAH. SOMEONE'S CALLING ME.
OOH, COOKIES.
EDDY!
WHAT'S WITH THESE
POSTERS, ANYWAY?
I'M TRADING THE TOOTH FAIRY.
ED'S TOOTH FOR CASH.
TOOTH FAIRY, SHMOOTH
FAIRY. BIG DEAL.
DEAL?
OK.
HOW'S ABOUT 10% OF THE TAKE?
10% IS NOT VERY
HUMID FOR A HOT DAY.
50! 50?
THAT'S ALMOST HALF.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
[GULP]
OK, OK. GET OFF MY BACK.
OH! TOOTH!
ED, YOU REALLY MUST TRY
TO EAT SOFTER, UM, FOOD.
YES, LIKE BUTTER, ED BOY.
PLAIN BUTTER?
LISTEN TO ME,
STUCK-IN-THE-RUT ED BOY.
WHEN CHURNED BY ROLF,
IT IS BETTER THAN GOOD.
I'M SLEEPY.
OH, DEAR! ROLF,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BEHOLD THE POWER
OF CHURNING BUTTER!
WITH A PLUNGER?
OH HO!
THATABOY, ROLF!
ROLF'S SO CONFUSED.
COME ON, YOU!
DID YOU GET IT? WHERE'S THE
TOOTH? TOOTH, TOOTH, TOOTH.
ROLF CANNOT HEAR ONE PEEP.
MY TOOTH HURTS.
AH.
ONESIES, TWOSIES,
REDSIES, BLUESIES.
ED, ISN'T THAT UNCOMFORTABLE
FOR YOUR TOOTH?
NO WAY, DOUBLE-D.
SARAH SAYS NOTHING SOOTHES
PAIN LIKE A NYLON ROPE.
ANYTHING FOR YOU,
GULLIBLE BIG BROTHER.
WHEE!
SOOTHING GONE! TOOTH HURTS!
HA HA HA!
OH. OH, BOY. IT PAINS ME
TO SEE ED HURT LIKE THAT.
HELP HIM, EDDY, AS ONLY YOU CAN.
OW!
DOUBLE-D'S SO GULLIBLE.
GIVE ME THE TOOTH, ED!
AH! SARAH!
Sarah: AH!
WHAT'S IT, GLUED IN THERE?
EDDY, YOU IDIOT.
FORGET THE DEAL!
COME ON, JIMMY.
YOUR IMPATIENCE IN EXTRACTING
ED'S TOOTH IS REALLY UNNECESSARY.
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.
BLEAH. HONESTLY, DOUBLE-D, I DON'
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
BUTTERED TOAST!
UH
AH GRRR!
GRRR!
MOBY DORK IS MINE!
HOW ON EARTH DID YOU ENLIST KEVIN
AS AN ASSOCIATE TO YOUR SCAMS?
SAY WHAT?
WHOA.
HE IS STUBBORN LIKE
AN INGROWN BACK HAIR.
FOLLOW ROLF.
Ed: INCOMING!
DON'T HOLD IT. IT'S OVERGROWN
AND YOUR CUCUMBERS ARE SOFT.
OW!
SOON WE WILL HAVE ED'S TOOTH,
AND THE MONEY WILL BE OURS.
YEAH. JAWBREAKER CITY!
GOTCHA! Kevin: DORK!
YEE-HA! OH, MAN.
WHAT A DIEHARD!
Ed: OW!
COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT'S TAKIN' YA?
HELLO!
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
TOOTH FAIRY'S GONNA
PAY BIG FOR THIS!
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
THAT'S YOUR TOOTH.
OH!
[GASP]
AH, SO WHAT?
SINCE IT'S MY TOOTH,
I GET TO KEEP ALL THE MONEY!
THE DEAL'S OFF, CAPTAIN AHAB.
BOY, HOW UNLIKE A DORK.
I'M OUTTA HERE.
KEVIN? LET ME RESOLE YOUR SHOES.
YOU DO SEE THE IRONY, DON'T YOU?
UH, THE ONE WHERE WE FORGE
ABOUT ED'S TOOTH AND CASH IN MINE?
HERE'S THE OVERVIEW, EDDY.
THE TOOTH FAIRY ONLY APPEARS
AT NIGHT, WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP,
AND THE CANDY STORE
CLOSES IN HALF AN HOUR.
SO? IF IT'S SLEEPING SHE WANTS,
IT'S SLEEPING SHE GETS.
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
Woman over P.A.: THE WHITE
ZONE IS FOR IMMEDIATE
LOADING AND UNLOADING
OF PASSENGERS ONLY.
I DON'T SEE HER.
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE HER.
RIGHT, DOUBLE-D?
VERY WELL PUT, ED.
AWW.
OH, TOOTH FAIRY.
SEE WHAT I GOT?
I WISH I HAD A TAIL.
GO BACK TO SLEEP. EDD!
OH, DEAR.
AAH!
NOT COOL! NOT COOL!
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TOOTH?
I GOT IT, EDDY! NO PROBLEM.
AAAAAH!
OH. OW.
AH. NO MORE SORE TOOTH.
REAL SMOOTH, ED.
MY TOOTH'S STUCK ON THE ROOF!
Edd: OH, MY.
HA HA! YOU'RE AN ANIMAL, ED!
CHUNKY.
COUGH UP THE TEETH, BIG ED. OH.
ONE MOMENT, SIR.
PLEASE, ED, DON'T TALK
WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL.
I'M STUFFED.
LIKE YOUR HEAD.
NO TEETH MEANS NO CASH, AND
NO CASH MEANS NO JAWBREAKERS!
AAH! I LOOK LIKE
A HOCKEY PLAYER!
OOH.
CENTER SHOT!
BARNACLE ED'S THE NAME.
HUH?
YOU'RE A BUG.
HA HA HA!
CHEER UP, ED.
ED, EDD N EDDY!