Entourage s02e04 Episode Script

This place is beautiful, Vincent.
You have really outdone yourself.
Not bad for a kid from Queens, huh? Not bad for a kid from anywhere.
Who's gonna decorate? I'm gonna do it.
You know I got a great eye.
- Lots of reds.
- Don't be an idiot, Drama.
You know, I almost went to Parsons, Shauna.
What you mean you almost went to Parsons? What does that mean? Get out of here.
When are you gonna cut him off already, huh? You know you're doing him a huge disservice.
Do you know that I carried my brother for 15 years? And now he's living in a van outside of a Target.
- Really? - We don't talk about him.
How about your decorator? You know how much I love your place.
Carrie Carlson.
She's the best in the biz.
I guarantee you she'll get you into Architectural Digest.
Well, hook it up.
I'm gonna go christen the bathroom.
All right.
Congratulations, sweetie.
And to think this all started from a Vicks commercial.
Amazing! You guys are so fucked! I bet you're gonna sink at least three mil into this place.
I guessed five.
- You must be freaking out, Eric.
- Cool as a cucumber, Shauna.
- So not like you.
- If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
There you go, E.
Finally turning into a human being I can hang out with.
See that? Things are finally starting to pan out for me.
I think Variety is gonna run the Aquaman announcement tomorrow.
- I'm hoping for the cover.
- Oh, cool.
Don't let them use - that smiley face picture.
- I love that picture.
Nah, Vince hates it.
It drives him crazy.
Use the "What the fuck are you looking at?" shot.
Maybe we'll land him the next Scorsese movie.
- That'd be nice.
- Nice.
I think we should turn the pool to face south.
Very feng shui.
Will you just let the professionals handle this stuff? Shauna, obviously you never saw my condo.
No, but I'm picturing lots of leopard sheets and leather.
You know you should go easy on me, Shauna.
I'm going in for surgery.
Surgery? Are you okay? It's elective.
I'd rather not talk about it.
He's having his botched adult circumcision corrected.
Hey, Ronnie! Yo, that 70" beast is for my room.
Vince only wanted a 50".
I swear to God! Ask him.
- Hello.
Yo, Suit.
Billy, how are you? I'm fucking amazing! Guess what? - What, you finally showered? - Fuck you.
- We got into Sundance! - We got in! - We got into Sundance! - We're in, motherfucker! Gonna be the first back-to-back winner in the festival's history.
Vince, come here! Congratulations, Billy.
You did a great job.
If you go out tonight, call me.
We'll celebrate.
Absolutely.
- Queens Boulevard got into Sundance.
- Wow.
That's awesome.
We are having a fuckin' good month! Good job, E.
This and Aquaman will get us the Variety cover for sure.
Sundance, baby.
Yeah.
You did this.
- Hey, Lloyd.
- Hi.
Is he decent? Eric, I'll deny I said this, but no, he's not decent.
He's an awful human being.
You'll have to bring your own thermals.
But I'll get you on all the hot party lists.
Turtle did this.
Not bad, right? You know The Station Agent, Eric? - Yeah.
- Monster fuckin' hit at Sundance! Did you see it? It's about the midget who lives by the train tracks.
The last time I saw him, he was in a FedEx commercial.
They were overnighting him to London.
His name is Peter Dinklage.
He's doing a movie with Vin Diesel right now.
Really? Which one? Is it Twins Part Deux? You'll never give me credit for anything, will you? You got me.
Are you kidding? Sundance is a great festival for little people.
You should kill over there.
But for the rest of us normal folk, it's just a chance to try to fuck a Mormon.
Pleasure as always, Ari.
- I'll see you on the slopes.
- Eric.
- Yeah? - Sit down.
What's up? It's about the Aquaman offer.
- What about it? - It's M.
I.
A.
- What do you mean? - I mean we don't have it yet.
What do you mean? We already had it.
We had it, but we haven't gotten it.
We're waiting on the paperwork, right? Yeah, I've been waiting.
Okay, all right.
I'm missing something here.
- They made us an offer and we accepted.
- Yup.
And you said we were waiting on the paperwork.
So what's goin' on? - I don't know.
- Well pick up the phone and find out! You don't think that I've picked up the fucking phone? - Well, pick it up again! - I told you guys not to sit on this! You know how much time was wasted getting Drama on as his personal chef and Turtle as his driver? I mean, come on.
Ari, you realize that Vince just bought a house for $5 million.
Was I the one that told you guys to do a 10-day escrow? Ari, find out what the fuck is going on.
Call me.
Please.
Thanks.
Dr.
Green's office.
- Dr.
Green? - Yeah.
- He's good.
- The best.
Johnny Chase? I'm just getting my girlfriend something.
- As a gift.
- Oh, you have a girlfriend? Yeah.
That's too bad.
So, tell me, Mr.
Chase, why are you interested in calf augmentation? Well, Doc, I've always felt top heavy.
Out of proportion.
You know, I work out every day and they just don't grow.
Well, we're all victims of our genetic heritage.
Yeah, well, I was a double victim.
We used to say about Pops, "No child support and no calves.
" We can do it for you, Mr.
Chase.
But it is something that you have to be very be sure of, because this is major surgery.
Doc, I'm an actor by trade.
My legs are my livelihood.
You know, I've got great thighs, very aesthetic knees.
And I feel pretty good about my ankles.
It's just my calves I can't live with.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure I want to do it.
Then I'll have Rita schedule you in.
Excellent.
Thank you, Doc.
Pleasure.
Oh, Mr.
Chase, the cost of the operation will be $10,000.
Do you take SAG insurance? This is Michael and Catherine's living room.
Oh, did they fight over that rug.
Catherine's got all the T-Mobile money coming in right now.
- Bet she won, huh? - Exactly.
Brad and Jen's master bath.
Heartbreaking, although I heard they might be getting back together.
Carrie, you have any pictures of Jen in the tub? How 'bout I tell Brad Pitt that you said that, Turtle? - He'll kick your fuckin' ass.
- Please.
I don't think you get where we come from, okay, Shauna? I will slap Brad Pitt in his face.
I don't know, Brad looked pretty ripped in Troy.
That's all CGI, Drama.
They're gonna make Vince look ripped up in Aquaman.
- Thanks, Turtle.
David Schwimmer's kitchen.
Notice the accents in the marble and the full line - of Miele ovens and ranges.
- Mieles are awesome, Vince.
They go from 0-400° in four seconds.
And they have a roast probe, which is nice to have.
How have we lived this long without a roast probe? Look, Vince, the point with the house is that it's yours.
And I work 24 hours a day, seven days a week to make sure it feels that way.
- Sounds good.
Let's do it.
- All right.
- What do you charge? - It's a $150,000 retainer.
And then I get 10% of all purchases.
But I also get 20% off all purchases.
So really, you're coming out 10% ahead.
- That sounds fair.
You take a check? - Of course.
Actually, we're a little low on cash flow right now.
- Maybe if there's - We're waiting for money to come in.
Big money, Carrie.
You're gonna be doing Aquaman's house.
Ooh, fancy.
We should get you guys an aquarium then.
I know the best place.
It's fine.
We can get started.
I know you're good for the money.
Come on, Chris, I painted your house for you.
You stiffed me three grand.
I would have forgotten about it but I need the money right now.
You begged me to paint my house, Drama, and you fucked it up so bad I had to pay somebody else to redo it, and I still gave you $2,500 'cause I'm a generous guy! Come on, Chris, we had a deal.
Don't make me beg.
What do you need this money for? You in trouble? No, no, it's nothing like that.
- It's elective surgery.
- What are you getting your nose done? No, implants.
- Calf implants.
- You're sicker than I thought.
You gonna give me the money or not? Yeah, I'll give you the money for a shrink.
You know what, fat boy? I'll tell you what.
How 'bout I come in there, I beat your ass and then you give me the money.
You're looking slow in there, Chris.
You beat my ass I'll give you the money.
All right.
I gotta warn you, Chris, I'm in the best shape of my life right now.
You know every time we get in the ring together you end up gettin' busted up.
Dana Gordon, you made Junior VP and I gotta wait three days for a call back? Sorry, Ari, we were moving offices.
You know how it is.
Where's the Vinnie Chase offer? - What are you - Dana? Are you taking a piss, Ari? That check you wrote me isn't going to bounce, is it? No.
I'd wait till Thursday to cash it, though.
- Excuse me? - I'm kidding.
It's fine.
It is calming.
You know, Vince, Oscar De La Hoya has a shark in his house.
Aquaman should have one in his.
Yeah.
How much, Keith? That guy right there is $6,500, but he's a mutt.
You want a purebred Whitetip, it'll cost you around $11,000.
Maybe we should get two, so they have a friend? Definitely, man! Look at that.
- What do you think, E? - About what? Getting a couple sharks for the house? - Well, how much is a shark? - 11 grand.
You really think we need a shark, Vince? Yes, we do, E! And we should consider gettin' some lobsters, too.
We get bored with 'em, Drama can throw 'em in that new oven we're getting.
It's Ari.
I'm gonna take this.
As much as I'd love to spend the rest of my day with you guys, I must go.
I've got to drag Russell Crowe out of Tom Bergin's.
He's got Leno tonight.
- See you.
- Ciao, beautiful.
Ciao.
- What's up, Ari? - Just had lunch with Dana Gordon.
- What'd she say? - Everything's going to be great.
Boss is in France.
He just has to sign off on the details.
- You believe her? - I've known her a very long time.
Just stay calm.
We're gonna be okay.
I will be calm when Vince has that check in his hands, okay, Ari? Neurotic Irish fuck.
Here's your left implant! Here's your right implant! Left! Right! And by the way, I'm going to lose this weight, but you're never going to get smart.
Ask your fucking brother for the money.
All right, Chris.
How about half the money? I'm not just talking about the fish.
I mean, to spend $50,000 on a tank is insane.
We don't even have a couch.
This morning this guy was all for making the house nice.
We'll just wait for Carrie's discount.
- She gets a discount on fish? - Shauna says she's the best.
I think she gets a discount on everything.
Hell, what the fuck happened to you? I just worked out with Chris Penn.
Why do you always work out with him? - You catch a beating every time.
- No, this is nothing.
Look, bro, you know I'd never ask you for anything, but I'm in dire need of 10 grand.
Drama, it's just now's not a good time.
Vince has a lot of expenses right now.
Is your name Vince? Look, I've exhausted all available options.
You know I'd never come to you for money.
And you know I'd never say no to you.
But, Johnny, this is insane.
This is my life! Are these things gonna feel like fake tits? - I'm not in the mood, Turtle.
- I'm just asking a question.
You think girls sit around like us, "You like a guy with real calves or fake calves?" As long as you go underneath the muscle, like with tits, they have a natural feel.
So you've felt a man's fake calf before? Listen, Johnny.
I'll think about it, all right? - Vince.
- Yeah? You know I love you, right, bro? I know.
I know.
Oh, yeah.
Sweet, sweet, sweet.
Yeah, we could drop some serious coin in this place.
God, I hate shopping.
This is kind of comfy.
I could take a nap right here.
Now that is the couch of a movie star if I've ever seen one.
Josh Weinstein.
What's going on, man? Hey, Sundance, baby! We did it.
Don't forget, Josh Weinstein's the one that found you that script.
- We remember.
- Great.
This is my girl, lma.
Did three episodes of North Shore last year.
We're movin' in together.
Might even buy the same couch as you.
Okay, baby.
Go check out a lamp, okay? - Seriously.
- Nice to meet you.
So, guys, congrats on J.
C.
That's a big score.
I mean, I love Aquaman, but I didn't think they could land a whale like that.
- What are you talking about? - J.
C.
, baby.
James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
What, you guys didn't know? Ari is slackin'.
Well, just remember Josh Weinstein told you first.
Yo, James Cameron, baby.
This could be the worst piece-of-shit movie ever, and it'll still make a billion dollars.
I would give my left arm to do a Cameron movie.
- How 'bout your left calf? - Do you think it's true? I don't know.
I can't find Ari.
You are on fire, E.
It's crazy.
You read these things and you can never guess what it's gonna be.
But with a guy like James Cameron, you know it's gonna be special.
I'm gonna call Ari again.
Ari Gold's office.
Lloyd, it's Eric Murphy.
I need to talk to Ari.
Eric, he told me if I disturbed him, he'd chop me up Benihana style.
This is the most important phone call you've ever had.
I promise you.
Do you how many times I've told him I'm Chinese? The man does not listen.
I don't care if he's in the middle of open heart surgery.
- Get him on the phone! - Okay, fine, E.
But it's just because you are the only nice person in this whole fucking town! Thanks, Lloyd.
I would have to say it's his anger.
I mean, he goes from zero to 100 in a second flat.
- Come on.
- Do you feel this is - an accurate assessment, Ari? - No.
I'm a very calm guy.
I mean, whether it's That's I'm a very calm person, all right? Whether I'm at work or in a social situation, I am extremely calm.
But my wife, who I love very dearly, she likes to nag, and I react to the nagging.
Overreact.
Sometimes, okay, maybe.
But without the nagging, no reaction.
Well, what he calls "nagging," I call trying to have a relationship.
Look, there's no proverbial judge sitting on a bench judging you.
Ari, I told you to turn that off.
I did turn it off, but this is the emergency line.
- This is the Bat Line.
- Do you need to get that? - I do need to take this, yes.
- No, he doesn't.
I ask for one hour out of a day for his undivided attention, - and I can't even have that.
- You can have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills and go to group therapy.
But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and a country club membership and nine weeks a year at a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday! See, that's it.
There it is.
You know what? I have to take this.
There better be a Scud missile heading towards Beverly Hills, Eric.
No, there's a fucking iceberg, Ari.
- What? - James Cameron's directing Aquaman! Fuck you.
Where'd you hear that? Friendster? No, I heard it from Josh Weinstein, you jerkoff.
Now get your hand off your dick and go call somebody.
I don't care if he's in the Arctic Shelf.
Get James Cameron on the phone! Get Dana Gordon on the phone! Tell her assistant if she does not call me back, I will fuck her worse than I did in Cabo in '92.
- Do you really want me to say that? - Improvise, Lloyd.
I'm gonna be there in 90 seconds.
Find out who covers Warner's.
If all this is not taken care of I will choke you out with a strap-on! See you when you get here.
Potty-mouth.
James Cameron is not in.
Dana Gordon is not in.
Peter Cole covers Warner.
- Who? - Peter Cole.
- Where's Mr.
Cole's fucking office? - That way.
Call Gordon and Cameron every five minutes until someone picks up! Cole? Where is Mr.
Fucking Peter Cole's office? Cole? Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? - Right there.
- Right here? James Cameron is directing Aquaman? That's great.
That's awesome.
"That's awesome," huh? You didn't think to bring it up in the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking sticky something? I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.
What is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton? - I didn't think - Let me tell you something.
You don't have to say anything.
You know why? 'Cause you pick up all your stuff because you're motherfucking fired! - What happened? - I don't know.
I was dropping off Peter's mail and then Mr.
Gold fired me.
My life is over.
I've got Dana Gordon on the phone.
Is it true? Ari, listen, I couldn't say anything, okay? We were negotiating.
Did you tell Jimbo Vincent Chase is attached to this project? - It's all gonna be fine.
- Don't fuck me, Dana! Who got you that job? Who pulled you out of accounting? Okay, Ari, listen to me, all right? I'm gonna tell you this, but if you tell anyone that I told you - I will deny it until my death.
- All right.
Alan and Jim are in Paris right now, and as soon as they are done, they will take care of Vince.
And, Ari, listen.
Alan loves Vince, okay? His 14-year-old daughter has Vince posters all over her walls.
We're all good.
Dana, I love you.
And if I wasn't married, I'd take you back to Cabo with me.
Yeah, it wasn't Cabo, Ari.
It was a Red Roof Inn in Rosarito.
It sure felt like Cabo to me, Dana.
Goodbye! Bye.
Hey, Lloyd, get in here.
I want to make out with you! Coming.
Hey, Vince, you wanna tell these cunts that I'm with you? Is this guy with you, Vince? This guy's gonna win Sundance for the second time this year.
Billy Walsh.
You don't know him? - Well, alrighty then, Mr.
Walsh.
- Let him in.
Enjoy your evening.
Come on, guys.
Yo, Ari, the boys are here.
Hey, hey.
Is anybody on time anymore? What's up, baby? There he is, Mr.
Walsh.
Congratulations, my friend.
Oh, great! Another suit.
Suit Number One, sit with Suit Number Two.
Great, he can direct us, huh? Congratulations, Billy.
Hey, Skirt Suit, move over would you? - Let me get in next to the models.
- Asshole! Billy, am I gonna be happy with myself in the cut? Happiness is a state of mind, Johnny.
Now let me get your place.
I like your girl better, okay? Move over.
Come on.
You hear anything? - It's all good.
- No, it's not all good.
Vince hired a decorator today for a $150,000.
- Oh yeah, who'd you get? - Carrie Carlson.
- She's good.
She's expensive.
- What are you, an asshole? No, I'm the guy that just got you that James Cameron movie.
Do not fuck with me, Ari.
Just talked to the studio.
They're wrapping him up then they're gonna wrap us up.
I wanted to wait to tell you so you could grab the glory and tell your boy.
- You wanna hug it out? Come here.
- Yeah! Vince, Cameron's in! We're doing a James Cameron movie! Wow! That's truly amazing! Holy shit.
Yo, Johnny! - Yo! - I think it's retarded, but if you want to do your legs, you got it.
- What are you doing to your legs? - Nothing.
Thanks, bro, but could we talk about that later please.
I wanna say something! Everybody grab a glass! See this guy right here? See that guy right there! Nobody believed in them.
I did.
And it paid off.
And we believed in you, Vince.
And that really paid off, baby.
To Sundance and beyond! Thank you! Yo, Eric, if you guys wanna move on down, it seems a little crowded, you can take over Leo's table.
- Why? He's not coming in? - No, no.
Leo went to Paris to talk to James Cameron about some fish movie.
We are so fucked.
We are so fucking fucked.