Famous in Love (2017) s02e04 Episode Script
The Kid's Aren't All Right
1 No.
Please don't kill me.
NO! (FEMALE NARRATOR) Previously on "Famous In Love.
" You're it.
You're my Lucy.
If we work together, we'll have a 50-50 split on ownership and territory.
So you fine and smart.
Clean oceans are trending.
And so are you! [ALL CHEERING.]
This is the best turnout we've ever had.
I know that you love this house but I'm just not ready.
Well, I am.
When this drops, it's gonna cause the shitstorm of the century.
Oh, God.
No.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
What is happening? (ALEXIS) 'Is this about Jordan?' (TANGEY) That he and Nina had an affair.
- I wanted to tell you - Pack your stuff.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
Babe, it's after 4 a.
m.
and you never came to bed.
Have you heard about this? Why are you looking at pictures of jellyfish? Those aren't jellyfish.
Those are plastic bags shoelaces, fishing nets.
There's this massive island of garbage.
- The size of Texas.
- Rainer.
We're going on five nights of you not really sleeping.
Just floating back and forth across the Pacific Ocean.
Okay, we need to talk about what happened.
Your mom and your best friend I don't need to re-hash the details of my mother's sex life.
Okay, have you talked to Jordan? You asked him to give you a few days.
It's been a few days.
Jordan, Nina, that's a bunch of crap I can't change.
But there's an ocean of crap out there that I can do something about.
Although, I should probably pull out of the "Backsplash" reunion.
Isn't that tonight? I'm just not into it anymore.
Well, won't the press think that you're just avoiding Jordan if you pull out of the reunion this late? Seems like you have an opinion.
Well, what do you think I should do? Well, if you really want to help clean up the Pacific why not use the reunion to talk about it? "Backsplash" was about a bunch of kids in a beach town.
Seems like a great platform to say a few words.
Maybe you can mention Trending Ocean.
Drum up some new volunteers.
But for now, your call time's in a few hours so let's get some sleep.
I'm wide awake.
Ah.
Though.
.
I should probably make some more coffee.
What's up? Rainer, come on.
Hi, guys.
Just grabbing a coconut water.
Uh, excuse me.
You know how many of those things end up in the ocean? Jammed in some poor dolphin's blowhole? Okay, DiCaprio.
No straw.
You wanna talk? Punch me or something? Why would I wanna do that? Tange, please.
I have a lot to explain 'and even more to apologize for' 'but you gotta call me back, okay?' I really think we should clear the air before the "Backsplash" reunion tonight, right? Please, just, please call me back, okay? Last chance to tinkle before we zip you in.
Then we'll get you down to hair and makeup.
Uh, thanks, Brenda.
Can you just tell them I need a minute? Oh, no can do, doll.
They're gonna be swamped down there with Rainer, Paige, and Jordan.
You're with second team.
I'm not letting that second-team person anywhere near my face.
Her hands always smell like tuna.
Can I be honest with you, hon? All the grips are taking bets on who's gonna curse you out first.
Tangey has to push her call time back so that she wouldn't have to see him until after rehearsal.
And I heard that Jordan asked to leave before they shoot your coverage.
Well, at least, Rainer's still talking to me.
Who do you think put you with second team? Is everyone really that mad at me? [LAUGHS.]
Well, that was quite the little stunt you pulled.
I know Alexalicious is your thing right now but maybe if you could just act a little bit more like Becky Burns from "Backsplash.
" All the gals at my AA meeting thought you were just precious.
Hm.
Gardenia from Diptyque.
These are my favorite candles.
I know.
I had my assistant do some digging.
All of this is supposed to put you in a creative mind frame.
Question.
Do you pace when you're feeling creative? [CHUCKLES.]
I tried to write new lyrics, but I got nothing.
We're just starting.
Sometimes it take a minute for a collab to jump off.
[GRUNTS.]
I just, I hate that I came unprepared especially when I'm trying to take myself from Britney to Whitney.
Come on.
You mean, without the crack.
[GASPS.]
Too soon.
Okay? Too soon.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
- Uh.
.
- You should grab that, may.
.
No.
I'm good.
Look, but I'm serious, though.
I really, I wanted.
.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
Like I was saying, I wanna move away from this bubblegum pop thing and really do, like a, an edgy, sexy.
.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
Somebody trying to crash our party, huh? That's your man? No.
It's my friend, Alexis.
Talkin' about home girl from that reality show? So the drama ain't just 40 cameras.
No, and I'm supposed to be with her at some event tonight.
'I know she's trying to apologize, but.
.
' I don't wanna tell you what to do but if I was you, I'd block that business.
I mean, shorty already dragged you into enough of her nonsense.
You know what? You're right.
"Block that business?" It sounds like a song title, huh? Yeah.
It could be a hot hook.
Give me ten minutes and it will be.
I'm in control Don't matter what they say Oh I don't care ain't gonna.
.
So, how long do house inspections usually last? 'Cause they've been here for two hours.
Well, apparently, they have to inspect every square foot, including the attic.
Until five seconds ago, I didn't even know I had an attic.
So can we talk about Jake not moving in here with you? - Did you guys get in a fight? - No.
Uh.
.
I don't know.
It's weird.
Supposedly, we're fine, but ever since the movie fell through he's just been kind of weird.
This is just a bump, right? Yeah, of course.
Besides, you know, he's got a lot going on right now.
Yeah, that's why I'm hoping we can just find this Vera girl finish the movie and go back to the way things were.
- Well, let's get to it.
- 'Huh.
.
' [CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
What's your Wi-Fi password? GDP 38 million.
What? World's smallest economy.
You can take the girl out of econ but you can't take econ out of the girl.
Gated smart-house, hacker-proof password.
You're adulting so hard right now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thanks.
"It's a good investment," says my dad and my real estate agent.
- 'That's Vera, right?' - 'How did you do that so fast?' I spent a week at the diner trying to get a lead on her.
I am very good at seeing what people are up to online.
- 'Oh, but she's not tagged.
' - Yeah.
Let's see if this person re-posted from Insta or Twitter Maybe she's tagged there.
And there she is.
- Mm.
Ooh, look at the caption.
- 'On Tumblr.
' She just got a new job at The Sorcerer's Gallery and she starts tonight.
Yeah, I heard that place is really hard to get into.
Let's see.
"Members only.
Jackets and ties required.
" Wow.
Fancy.
I wonder if my new agent can get us in.
Hey, when you see Jake, do you mind not mentioning it to him? I think I just wanna tell him when we get on the list.
Mm-hmm.
And it only took me two minutes and forty-eight seconds.
Damn, you really are that good.
Certified stalker.
Won't stop till I get that till I get that.
.
[BELL RINGING.]
"Men's Fitness" cancelled.
So did a half a dozen other magazine covers you had scheduled.
Fine.
So we cancel, too.
I'm not doing the "Backsplash" reunion.
All people are gonna ask me about is the affair with Nina.
It's not like that, the host is Sebastien Graham who you've interviewed with before.
All of the questions have been pre-approved.
I've got your PR team on a tight leash to make sure they keep this a fun, light reunion show.
You should go.
It shows you have nothing to hide.
I don't know, man.
Jordan, you can't just disappear.
If you really want out of "Backsplash" I got to take offers from the talk shows.
- Good.
- But they all want you.
.
To spill the details about the affair.
There has to be some other way.
[SCOFFS.]
Release a statement.
Predator-prey, spin the blame back on her and maybe we stay in the Oscar race.
I'm not playin' it like that.
Don't bring it up again.
Why do you keep pushing back on this? Because I don't want people digging, alright? [SIGHS.]
This Nina thing has people looking at me way too closely.
Jordan, is there something else I should know? Anything? Whatever it is.
There's nothing else.
I just wish this will all go away.
[SIGHS.]
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
It's been like this all morning.
"Variety," "New York Times," everyone wants a comment.
- And you're telling them.
.
- No comment.
And, uh, Rainer still hasn't returned.
You want me to keep trying? L-let's let that breathe for a minute.
I'm sure he's trying to avoid the media on this mess, too.
You know, I thought that finding Jordan's birth certificate would put an 86 on this affair business but it keeps bubbling back up.
What are the rest of the assistants saying? I bought a round of shots last night at Precinct and got the scoop.
Can I expense the shots? Of course not.
Get to the point.
The board's leaning towards a hard no on renewing your deal.
[SIGHS.]
Perception is reality in this town.
I need it to look like I'm leaving Gold Brothers by choice.
Where are we with Steve Silver? 'His office said first avail is three weeks.
' Breakfast meeting only.
Chiconi's or the Polo Lodge.
Breakfast means it's never gonna happen.
I mean, he'll push twice and then shuffle me off his schedule.
Well, didn't you work with Steve Silver on "Backsplash?" It was my first producer credit.
And we spent the next five seasons arguing.
But, if it gets me out of here on my own terms.
.
You know what? Change my RSVP to yes.
I'll do a casual run in and try to choke down my rage at his chauvinistic privilege.
But what can we do about these? On the books, 4:15 with Natasha.
You're good.
Bring me the receipt to those drinks and I'll reimburse you.
You know, if it's easier, we can just get me a corporate card.
- Don't push it, Brian.
- It's worth a try.
I got a 20 on her, she's good to go in the fat suit.
Ms.
Glenn, they're ready for you in hair and makeup.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah I'm out of control I don't know where to go [CLEARS THROAT.]
But there ain't no.
.
Pleasure being a.
.
I'll be taking that clown You can try to keep up with me but I'm.
.
Nancy and the rest are good kids but Alexis is gonna get herself blackballed.
Somebody who treats her friends like that, it's pathetic.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Where are you going? 'Ms.
Glenn, I'm sorry.
' 'We really need you in the makeup chair.
' Well, they can wait all damn day because I'm not coming out of this trailer until someone writes me out of this frickin' fat suit! [SCREAMS.]
- Thanks again.
- 'You're welcome.
' Is it me or were these auditions like having your toe sawed off with a plastic knife? - They weren't that bad.
- They weren't good.
[SCOFFS.]
I just wish I had a minute and a half to stop everything and come up with a new game plan.
I've got to find a new apartment, roommates.
.
Are you sure you don't wanna just live with Paige? I'm not saying never.
Just not now.
Okay, no offense, but totally right now.
You're swamped with your movie you're also kind of homeless, Jake.
What's the real reason why you don't wanna move in with Paige? I just really need to focus on "Stealing Georgia" right now.
Would it help you focus if I could offer you a sunny spot with a comfy place to sleep and two very cool roommates who I think you'd be really happy with? That is a pretty decent couch.
[SIGHS.]
No.
No, I can't.
Just until your movie's done.
Adam works long hours, I'm gonna be on set and you'd have the whole place to yourself and you can edit in peace.
[CELL PHONE BUZZES.]
"Meet me at Gold Brothers.
Dress up.
I've got a surprise.
" - From Paige.
- Hm.
I've no idea what that's about.
But you should wear a jacket and tie.
Are you serious? What's going on? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
That's the lane right here.
What you think? This beat is exactly what I'm looking for.
Have you lost your mind so I lost them digits I had to block the business block the business - Whoo! I like that.
- Something like that, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
Your little friend trying to start a Twitter war, huh? "@TangeyT, too bad Pablo Money can't remiss your Tennessee flow.
" That's how she poppin' off? And she put my name in the midst? You know what? Maybe you should take a second with all of that.
No, P.
Look, look, wait.
Look, I can either let her drama shut me down or I can turn it into a second verse.
I'll respect that.
- Let's get to work, then.
- Let's get to work, then! [CHUCKLES.]
Hit it.
Cut you out of my contacts Please don't try to contact Anyone who.
.
Bow down Ooh, I like that.
Yes, it's a last-minute thing.
Just pull some choices and I'll pop by the wardrobe trailer to pick.
Nina, there's a situation.
[BELL RINGING.]
(ALEXIS) 'You can't do this, Nina!' 'They're making me sweat like hot yoga.
' 'And the foam just sucks it up and the smell just lingers.
' Ugh! I want out of this sticky fat suit! After everything you've pulled you have the nerve to make demands? (ALEXIS) 'The only thing I'm demanding is a better ending' to this stupid movie, Nina.
Maggie is stuck on a deserted island for most of the third act living off of coconuts and bugs, okay? She should be skinny at the end.
When Noah and August travel through time no time passes in the present.
'You're lying half-dead in a plane crash.
' 'At the end of the movie you are rescued.
' Still fat, but alive.
This stupid movie makes zero sense.
Get a screenwriter out here to do a rewrite or I don't budge.
Come out of that trailer or I'll have security drag your fake fat ass out.
You can drag me out, Nina, but you can't make me act.
Well, there's nothing new about that, is there? Rewrite me thin, Nina.
Get the electric department over here to turn off her power.
If she doesn't come out on her own, I'll sweat her out.
Come in.
(MALE #1) 'And on the left you'll see the base camp' 'for the blockbuster film, "Locked.
"' Whoa there, stud.
Come here.
(MALE #1) 'And she just opened escrow on a $1.
4 million-dollar gated house' 'in Nichols Canyon.
' - Is that.
.
- Yeah, studio tourists.
They go by all day.
Don't you think it's weird that the studio tour guide knows I'm buying a house in Nichols Canyon? One-point-four million? Did it really cost that much? Y-yeah, between closing fees and insurance.
So, when we move out of the Bixby.
.
Yeah, uh, I was thinking I'd just crash at Cassie and Adam's for a bit.
Jake.
Are you sure you're okay couch-surfing? Yeah, it's only temporary.
Besides, it's not like your boyfriend won't spend the night.
And I'll probably be at your place half the time anyway.
Why don't you just move in? Uh, why don't I let you get changed? And we should talk to somebody about that tour guide on our way out.
And where did you say we're goin' again? I didn't say, actually.
And slight change of plans.
You said you just had one scene to shoot today.
I do only have one scene to shoot but we're holding on account of some drama.
- Rainer? - No.
Actually this time it's Alexis.
Not surprising.
Hey, you wanna fill me in on, uh, this mystery evening and why I'm wearing a jacket and tie? My lips are sealed.
But when I'm done with set, maybe I'll tell ya.
Um, do you want me to grab you a chair at video village? Um, you know, I think I'll just, uh, stay here.
Okay.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- What did you say to her? - Whoa! I didn't know there were cameras, okay? Look, I swear, if Alexis has any more bombs to drop Would you back the hell up and give me a minute to explain? Jordan, I didn't know there were cameras.
I never meant for any of this to happen.
It was all Alexis and my mom.
She conned me into signing a release form.
So whatever you said to Alexis with those cameras rolling they can use on TV whenever they want? No, I didn't tell her about that.
Come on.
I wouldn't.
I swear.
Rainer explained everything to me, J.
I know you saved your mom's life.
- You did the right thing.
- Yeah, well.
.
Tell that to the attorney general of the state of Illinois.
Murder is murder, Tangey, I could go to jail.
Jordan, no one's going to find out about that.
Okay? Recycling goes in the blue bin! Dude, it's right next to the trash.
Daryl, it's not that hard, man.
Come on, please? For me.
.
Oh, my God, I don't know how any of us are gonna get through this "Backsplash" reunion tonight.
Same.
Last place I wanna be.
And because of all this, Rainer doesn't want me at the house.
I camped out at the Bixby.
Seriously? Of all the hotels in LA you choose the one that I'm living at? We can't be neighbors, act like friends? I have to go over my lines.
[CAR HONKS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[SOBBING.]
Work! Oh, come on.
You're kidding me! Yeah.
Oh, thank God.
[PANTING.]
[SPEWS.]
Oh.
.
[GRUNTING.]
Get off of me! [GRUNTING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[SOBBING.]
(NINA) 'Are you crying?' [CLEARS THROAT.]
No.
I can't go out there, Nina.
No one wants me here.
I have pissed off all my friends.
I'd rather die like a chihuahua in a hot car than face what I've done.
[SOBBING.]
(NINA) 'If I can take the heat for my actions' 'and still show up to work, so can you.
' [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
And we're back, people! 'Let's get the cast into wardrobe.
' Guys, I'm really sorry that I held everyone up.
Well, I promised to get everyone out of here in time for the "Backsplash" reunion tonight.
Well, I bet that's gonna be a lot of fun for you.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
- You're not even watching.
- What? Yes, I am.
Can't we just go to Big Wayne's? What? Dinner is included here.
Prime rib.
You'd rather have buffalo wings? Look, I'm just not cool with magic tricks.
- I had a weird ninth birthday.
- 'Shh!' Jake, oh, stop.
Come on.
Just stay.
I have a lot on my mind right now and this isn't helping.
Is this because of me going back to work with Rainer? 'Cause you were acting really weird in the trailer.
No, I'm fine, uh.
.
Uh.
.
Uh, you keep acting weird every time his name comes up.
Yeah, 'cause I can't tell what's pissing you off more the fact that I have to go back to work with him or that I bought a house without you.
I don't care that you bought a house, okay? I-I'm glad that you can afford it.
And I don't think my approval matters.
I just think that when we live together I should be able to pull my own weight.
Hey, we're trying to do magic here.
Wait, isn't that.
.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
[SPARKS CRACKLING.]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
That was cool.
We found her.
Go ahead, fire me.
I never liked this job.
I never signed on to feed your magic pigeons.
I left New York to get away from pigeons.
You two, are you stalking me? No, no, I-I'm the director.
Remember, you liked my script? Yeah, I know who you are.
And you two just got me fired, again.
I wouldn't have had to yell if you guys hadn't been bickering during the entire show.
- We're so sorry.
- We're sorry.
Sorry doesn't cut it, I don't know how many more lattes I can foam to pay rent! I can barely make auditions as it is.
But that's kind of why we're here.
That's what we wanted to talk to you about.
Whatever you have to say, I am so not in the mood right now.
Wait, wait, hey, come on.
Just, h-hear me out.
The only reason that we're here is because of me.
I had to go back to work and now the movie that you love Jake's movie, is suffering because of it.
Jake really did love your audition at the diner and he wanted to ask you if.
.
you would be the lead role in his movie.
Is she serious? Uh, yeah, absolutely, and now that you have some free time.
.
And if you're interested, of course.
Are you kidding? I would love to! You quit his movie? Uh, uh, well, how could you do that? - It's a great movie.
- Well.
.
The role's yours, Vera, if you want it.
Of course I want it.
And by the way, it's Billy.
- Billy London Schwartz.
- Paige.
Vera was my diner-waitress persona.
Oh, my God! This is great! I told you how much I love your script.
I'd be stupid to pass on something like this.
- No offense.
- That's a yes, right? - It's a hell-yes.
- Yay! - But I do have a few doubts.
- Uh, I'm-I'm open.
And we have to do some re-shoots, anyway, so.
.
Well, I'm obviously not working the second show tonight.
If you wanna get together and talk it out, grab some coffee? Sure.
Yeah, uh, we can meet at the Bixby.
.
- 'If that's.
.
' - That sounds great! I was gonna go watch the "Backsplash" reunion with Cassie, so I'll just go to her place.
- Great.
- I'll meet you there.
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited.
Bye! - Oh! Oh, my God.
- There you go! I am so sorry, I-I had no idea this whole evening was about this.
I wanted to help you finish your movie.
Look, I am sorry.
Me buying a house and asking you to move in at the same time is probably a lot.
So I'm sorry if I was doing too much too soon.
Well, you're not too much.
You're amazing, okay? Thank you.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
Yeah, I'm gonna cut from there to there, um.
.
And just go ahead and go check.
Thank you.
- Hey, dad - Well, watch out for that one.
I've seen him fire assistants over cold coffee.
It's been years.
- Nina.
- Uh, Steve.
And I actually quit caffeine.
And this isn't my assistant.
This is my daughter.
- Of course.
Sloan! - Hey.
You really grew up at Yale.
You're very sophisticated.
Thank you, Nina.
Is, uh, Rainer around by any chance? Yeah, I'm sure he's around here somewhere.
You know, I've been swamped with meetings, so I haven't seen him.
Uh, yet.
Today.
Okay, I'll just go look for him while you two catch up.
Well, that sure is a nice beaded bracelet.
My sister has one just like it.
Ah.
Thanks.
I got it at a Buddhist retreat.
Amethyst, very grounding.
Yeah, if you'll excuse me, I see some people I need to talk to.
Did you get my text about picking up sour gummies on the way? Wow, that's a lot of freaking sour gummies.
I thought I'd pick up dinner.
Doesn't dinner come with the tickets at the Sorcerer's Gallery? Mm-hmm, but we didn't eat.
- Oh, you didn't find her? - No, we did.
Oh, you did? That's great.
Uh, where's Jake? He's, uh, working on the script right now with Billy.
- Who? - Her name isn't actually Vera.
It's Billy.
I was thinking, after we watch the "Backsplash" reunion we could go over to the Bixby and have a drink with them by the bar.
But first, our favorite $12 champagne because you just got cast in a huge horror film.
Cassie, this is the beginning of a very big career for you.
We have to celebrate every step along the way with sour gummies! Yes.
I know, you thought I forgot.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
You're seriously the best.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
We have Rainer Devon as Chip Donahue and Aaron Michael James and Sheila Stroud as Bodie Granger and Aunt Susan.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
'You know, watching that clip, guys' 'really reminds me of how close you all were as a cast.
' Jordan and Rainer you guys were best friends before the show started but I heard recently that I thought we weren't gonna talk about I think he means the house we shared in Malibu.
Actually, Jordan just moved out.
I live with my girlfriend now.
- 'Aww!' - 'Aww!' - 'And what about you, Jordan?' - Uh, well.
.
I guess I'm just a single man doing my thing.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
(MALE #2) 'He's a single man, ladies.
' - Whoo! - 'Tangey.
' - You played Felicia Miller.
- I did.
'A rival who bumped heads with Becky Barnes.
' Wasn't that supposed to be a three-episode arc? Yeah, well, people really loved the chemistry between our characters, so they made me a series regular.
- That was some chemistry.
- 'Yeah.
' Well, what can I say, as far as Felicia's concerned - Becky Barnes was easy to hate.
- 'And there you have it.
' (MALE #2) 'We're gonna go from conflict to comedy' with more "Backsplash" reunion right after the break.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
(ALEXIS) 'Oh, my God! Sloanie-baloney.
' - Hi.
Hi.
How are you? - Hi! - Oh, I missed you - I missed you guys, too.
So are you finally back from Harvard? Uh, Yale, actually, magna cum laude, but whatever.
Ooh, good for you, smarty-pants.
So I know it's been a minute but you think you can help me convince your dad to do me a teensy-tiny little favor? Yeah, of course.
What's up? So I was counting on some good B-roll for Alexalicious but everyone's being super lame.
Complete saga.
- It's kind of my fault.
- Right.
Uh, but would you help me convince him to play the hurricane clip from season three? Yeah, of course, Alex, happy to help.
- Ah.
- You know, I idolize you guys.
When I was little, I wanted to be on camera with you just so bad.
Well, do me this favor and I'll get you a cameo on my show.
- Deal.
- Yes! Bye.
So if you make that small adjustment the dialogue back on page five makes a ton more sense.
I thought you said a few notes.
Just bear with me, we're almost at the second act.
Um, I think you should scrap the seduction scene.
I don't think it's working the way you intended it to work.
That scene is supposed to be how she gets him to do what she wants.
He's a bored husband and a mid-level bank manager.
Georgia prefers excitement, taboo.
Yeah, it's in the subtext.
You're making a movie, show me.
And stop arguing so much.
If my notes weren't good, you would have stopped writing them down ten minutes ago.
Okay.
So what's the pitch? - Ever seen "Joy House?" - With Jane Fonda? You're maybe the second person I've met who's even heard of that film.
My dad's a film professor at Columbia and my other dad is a critic for "The Village Voice.
" They named me after Billy Wilder.
Name a movie I haven't watched.
So you're thinking of an homage to the mirror scene.
Exactly.
Give me a sec, I think I have an idea.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
This next clip was supposed to feature our favorite guest star, Duke Zuma, but, instead, we're gonna roll a clip that almost slipped under the radar.
This is from a time when a hurricane hit Clementine Cove.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
This is bad, guys.
Hurricane Hazel's a category six! Maybe I should call go help! (IN UNISON) No! [LAUGHING.]
Felicia, there's something I have to confess.
'It was me who super-glued your locker shut' so you couldn't get your pom-poms.
Well, if we're being 100% honest your Spanx didn't shred themselves.
I just had to get that off my chest before we get blown away.
I'm sorry I borrowed your board without asking.
No problem, dude.
I'm sorry I tried to date Becky.
- I know you like her.
- It's okay, man.
(RAINER ON TV) 'Date her if you want, she's not worth' 'losing our friendship over' especially with varsity surf team in state finals.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
(JORDAN ON TV) Boom.
Promise me, if we make it out alive we'll be co-captains of the cheerleading squad next year.
- Pinky promise! - 'Aww.
' And even if we don't make it at least we'll die as friends.
- 'Aww!' - 'Come on.
.
' (TANGEY ON TV) 'I love you guys!' (IN UNISON) Friends forever! [THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[INDISTINCT YELLING.]
- That was close.
- Ha-ha.
- Yes.
Good job! - Yes.
Good job! [AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
[APPLAUDING.]
Whoo! I just have to say, I think over the years Tangey and I have weathered a lot of Hurricane Hazels.
Friends forever.
Pinky promise.
(MALE #3) 'Hey-hey, Jordan.
' 'What was it like to bang your best friend's mom?' [AUDIENCE GASPS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
What? Uh, uh, I can't comment on that.
Jordan can't say anything about that.
.
but I can.
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
I'm sure people want details about who is doing what with who.
Is that really the most important thing to worry about? [INDISTINCT WHISPERING.]
I wish that all of you that everyone in this room.
.
Rainer, Rainer would take responsibility for what they put out in the world.
Jordan, you and Nina Tangey and Alexis you're all to blame.
It's time to clean up your mess! [SIGHS.]
Well, but there's something we can do.
We can all do.
I'm donating my appearance fee from this reunion show $10,000 to Trending Ocean.
I hope all my co-stars all the producers join in.
Folks at home I'll match donations from our website, trendingocean.
com up to a million dollars.
Yeah? Sound good? This is our world, people.
Step up.
Take responsibility! Come on.
Come on.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you.
And on that uplifting note, we're out of time.
Rainer, a million dollars? That seems reckless, uh.
.
Out of control.
Wanna make sure you're focused on your recovery.
Funny thing about recovery.
Getting clean means cleaning up my world.
Can we talk, Rainer? About what happened with Jordan.
.
I feel like I owe you an explanation Please, don't explain, Nina.
I don't need to know how or why.
Your life is a garbage island.
If I wanna stay sober, I've gotta get the hell off.
Rainer? Yeah.
Huh? Kids.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right? Hey, Nina, I'm here to listen if you need me.
I know what this did to you last time.
I can't go through that again.
I know.
Hey, come on.
Oh, my God.
That was so awful.
I mean, ugh, he must feel awful.
I should, oh, I should call him.
Don't be champagne stupid.
We're about to meet Jake for a drink.
You can't call and offer emotional support to some other guy the guy that Jake is already jealous of.
- Oh - But just don't.
He did seem kind of unhinged.
I mean, I should at least just text Rainer, as a friend.
As a friend, Rainer will be just as grateful when you send him a thoughtful text to see how he's doing tomorrow, when you're not champagne stupid.
Oh, wait.
Look, there they are.
- Hi, baby.
- Hey.
Hey.
Uh, Billy, this is Cassie.
She plays Zoey in the movie.
- Tater Tots from the diner.
- Yeah.
Or, actually, I prefer Cassandra or Cassie.
Billy has a great take on the monologue at the end of act one.
The one where Georgia seduces Landon? I love that monologue.
You guys have to hear this rewrite.
Georgia stands behind Landon uh, in the mirror's reflection.
My daddy was a necktie man.
He sold used cars wearing a vintage tie to put people at ease.
He had this fun, real skinny shark-skin tie for Saturday nights.
'He'd wear that skinny tie loose' with his shirt unbuttoned at the neck.
He'd go out, he'd drink a little rye, meet a pretty girl and ask her to dance a real slow two-step.
(JAKE) 'Georgia loosens his tie.
' Unbuttons his shirt.
One and then another.
You're choking yourself, Landon day in and day out with that polyester noose.
When's the last time you loosened up your tie? When's the last time you asked a pretty girl to dance? Georgia pulls Landon in by his tie.
Kisses him.
He can't resist.
I love it! It's good.
Very good work.
Great.
It's great stuff.
- Thank you.
- Cool.
Thank you.
Should we go get some drinks? - 'That's a good idea.
' - I'm so thirsty.
I'm gonna help her.
.
with the drinks.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Is it just me or did Aaron Michael James get way cuter after he came out? Tange, um, what you said on air are we all made up? That clip was your idea, wasn't it? 'Do you remember that day, Lex' how Ida yelled at me in my trailer criticizing my performance? 'Did you seriously think that clip would get us to make up?' 'Cause all it did was remind me to perform in front of the cameras pretend we're friends for the show.
I know I put you in a terrible position using that footage.
- And I'm really sorry, Tangey.
- Too little, too late.
You could have tweeted me an apology hours ago.
Instead, you were just making it worse.
I just wanted you to talk to me.
Like, I would ever dignify your stupid Twitter-war with a response.
I'm not gonna let you manipulate me, Alexis.
You're just as bad as my mother.
You two deserve each other.
'Are you okay?' No.
She's changing everything.
And don't you think that scene was bad? I-I kinda liked it.
You know, it was very "Drugstore Cowboy" Sam Shepard noir.
Well, at least Jake is happy.
I know this sucks.
The part of Georgia was written for me.
And then he goes and he's just gonna rewrite it for someone else? Like, uh.
.
I'm so not onboard.
I wish he could just wait.
Oh.
Hey, Shane.
I didn't know you were working tonight.
Yeah, I pull the closing shifts all week.
Here you go.
- Ooh! Wow! Okay.
- Ooh.
Can you comp a bottle this nice? Well, I wish I could.
It's an anonymous gift.
(SHANE) 'All I got was cash and instructions' to buy you a bottle of our very best champagne.
Oh, and I am supposed to give you this.
Thanks.
'Hm.
' [DOOR OPENS.]
(JORDAN) 'Rainer, hold up.
' - He needs a minute.
- No, no, no.
He needs to hear from me.
He keeps saying he's okay.
That is not okay.
Let Rainer manage his own emotions.
You stepping in to make him feel better won't make him better.
It just keeps him dependent on you.
- We need to talk.
- Yeah, and you will.
On his terms, when he's ready.
Until then, trust me I'll take good care of him.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
You know, your son, he may not have wanted you here tonight but I'm glad you changed your RSVP.
Come on, "Backsplash.
" This was your baby.
It wouldn't have been the same without you here tonight.
Would you consider talking about going into business together? I think that this time around maybe things could be different.
You know, and whatever's good.
I'll, I'll take that breakfast meeting idea.
You know what, y-you really want things to be different? Yeah.
How about I take you to dinner and we not talk business? Not talk about business at all? Not a word.
Um.
.
Yeah, I think I'd like that.
Ooh Move your body like Ooh Move my body like Ooh o-oh Ooh o-oh I've got none.
.
I-I know this is uncomfortable.
And I know you wanna get away from my drama but movin' on hasn't been easy, Tange.
I've tried.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
I've got none I've got none none.
.
- What floor? - Uh, four.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I didn't like what went down today.
I know.
I'm sorry.
That was completely unprofessional.
I'm not trippin' on that little Twitter-beef situation.
Just wanted to make sure that you're okay.
Yeah, I'm good.
Thank you.
Jordan Wilder, right? - Pablo.
- Hey, man.
Look, I know I rolled up on you unannounced.
But you wanna grab a drink with me? How 'bout you come upstairs for a drink? Ooh o-oh Ooh o-oh [THEME MUSIC.]
Please don't kill me.
NO! (FEMALE NARRATOR) Previously on "Famous In Love.
" You're it.
You're my Lucy.
If we work together, we'll have a 50-50 split on ownership and territory.
So you fine and smart.
Clean oceans are trending.
And so are you! [ALL CHEERING.]
This is the best turnout we've ever had.
I know that you love this house but I'm just not ready.
Well, I am.
When this drops, it's gonna cause the shitstorm of the century.
Oh, God.
No.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
What is happening? (ALEXIS) 'Is this about Jordan?' (TANGEY) That he and Nina had an affair.
- I wanted to tell you - Pack your stuff.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
Babe, it's after 4 a.
m.
and you never came to bed.
Have you heard about this? Why are you looking at pictures of jellyfish? Those aren't jellyfish.
Those are plastic bags shoelaces, fishing nets.
There's this massive island of garbage.
- The size of Texas.
- Rainer.
We're going on five nights of you not really sleeping.
Just floating back and forth across the Pacific Ocean.
Okay, we need to talk about what happened.
Your mom and your best friend I don't need to re-hash the details of my mother's sex life.
Okay, have you talked to Jordan? You asked him to give you a few days.
It's been a few days.
Jordan, Nina, that's a bunch of crap I can't change.
But there's an ocean of crap out there that I can do something about.
Although, I should probably pull out of the "Backsplash" reunion.
Isn't that tonight? I'm just not into it anymore.
Well, won't the press think that you're just avoiding Jordan if you pull out of the reunion this late? Seems like you have an opinion.
Well, what do you think I should do? Well, if you really want to help clean up the Pacific why not use the reunion to talk about it? "Backsplash" was about a bunch of kids in a beach town.
Seems like a great platform to say a few words.
Maybe you can mention Trending Ocean.
Drum up some new volunteers.
But for now, your call time's in a few hours so let's get some sleep.
I'm wide awake.
Ah.
Though.
.
I should probably make some more coffee.
What's up? Rainer, come on.
Hi, guys.
Just grabbing a coconut water.
Uh, excuse me.
You know how many of those things end up in the ocean? Jammed in some poor dolphin's blowhole? Okay, DiCaprio.
No straw.
You wanna talk? Punch me or something? Why would I wanna do that? Tange, please.
I have a lot to explain 'and even more to apologize for' 'but you gotta call me back, okay?' I really think we should clear the air before the "Backsplash" reunion tonight, right? Please, just, please call me back, okay? Last chance to tinkle before we zip you in.
Then we'll get you down to hair and makeup.
Uh, thanks, Brenda.
Can you just tell them I need a minute? Oh, no can do, doll.
They're gonna be swamped down there with Rainer, Paige, and Jordan.
You're with second team.
I'm not letting that second-team person anywhere near my face.
Her hands always smell like tuna.
Can I be honest with you, hon? All the grips are taking bets on who's gonna curse you out first.
Tangey has to push her call time back so that she wouldn't have to see him until after rehearsal.
And I heard that Jordan asked to leave before they shoot your coverage.
Well, at least, Rainer's still talking to me.
Who do you think put you with second team? Is everyone really that mad at me? [LAUGHS.]
Well, that was quite the little stunt you pulled.
I know Alexalicious is your thing right now but maybe if you could just act a little bit more like Becky Burns from "Backsplash.
" All the gals at my AA meeting thought you were just precious.
Hm.
Gardenia from Diptyque.
These are my favorite candles.
I know.
I had my assistant do some digging.
All of this is supposed to put you in a creative mind frame.
Question.
Do you pace when you're feeling creative? [CHUCKLES.]
I tried to write new lyrics, but I got nothing.
We're just starting.
Sometimes it take a minute for a collab to jump off.
[GRUNTS.]
I just, I hate that I came unprepared especially when I'm trying to take myself from Britney to Whitney.
Come on.
You mean, without the crack.
[GASPS.]
Too soon.
Okay? Too soon.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
- Uh.
.
- You should grab that, may.
.
No.
I'm good.
Look, but I'm serious, though.
I really, I wanted.
.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
Like I was saying, I wanna move away from this bubblegum pop thing and really do, like a, an edgy, sexy.
.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
Somebody trying to crash our party, huh? That's your man? No.
It's my friend, Alexis.
Talkin' about home girl from that reality show? So the drama ain't just 40 cameras.
No, and I'm supposed to be with her at some event tonight.
'I know she's trying to apologize, but.
.
' I don't wanna tell you what to do but if I was you, I'd block that business.
I mean, shorty already dragged you into enough of her nonsense.
You know what? You're right.
"Block that business?" It sounds like a song title, huh? Yeah.
It could be a hot hook.
Give me ten minutes and it will be.
I'm in control Don't matter what they say Oh I don't care ain't gonna.
.
So, how long do house inspections usually last? 'Cause they've been here for two hours.
Well, apparently, they have to inspect every square foot, including the attic.
Until five seconds ago, I didn't even know I had an attic.
So can we talk about Jake not moving in here with you? - Did you guys get in a fight? - No.
Uh.
.
I don't know.
It's weird.
Supposedly, we're fine, but ever since the movie fell through he's just been kind of weird.
This is just a bump, right? Yeah, of course.
Besides, you know, he's got a lot going on right now.
Yeah, that's why I'm hoping we can just find this Vera girl finish the movie and go back to the way things were.
- Well, let's get to it.
- 'Huh.
.
' [CELL PHONE BEEPS.]
What's your Wi-Fi password? GDP 38 million.
What? World's smallest economy.
You can take the girl out of econ but you can't take econ out of the girl.
Gated smart-house, hacker-proof password.
You're adulting so hard right now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thanks.
"It's a good investment," says my dad and my real estate agent.
- 'That's Vera, right?' - 'How did you do that so fast?' I spent a week at the diner trying to get a lead on her.
I am very good at seeing what people are up to online.
- 'Oh, but she's not tagged.
' - Yeah.
Let's see if this person re-posted from Insta or Twitter Maybe she's tagged there.
And there she is.
- Mm.
Ooh, look at the caption.
- 'On Tumblr.
' She just got a new job at The Sorcerer's Gallery and she starts tonight.
Yeah, I heard that place is really hard to get into.
Let's see.
"Members only.
Jackets and ties required.
" Wow.
Fancy.
I wonder if my new agent can get us in.
Hey, when you see Jake, do you mind not mentioning it to him? I think I just wanna tell him when we get on the list.
Mm-hmm.
And it only took me two minutes and forty-eight seconds.
Damn, you really are that good.
Certified stalker.
Won't stop till I get that till I get that.
.
[BELL RINGING.]
"Men's Fitness" cancelled.
So did a half a dozen other magazine covers you had scheduled.
Fine.
So we cancel, too.
I'm not doing the "Backsplash" reunion.
All people are gonna ask me about is the affair with Nina.
It's not like that, the host is Sebastien Graham who you've interviewed with before.
All of the questions have been pre-approved.
I've got your PR team on a tight leash to make sure they keep this a fun, light reunion show.
You should go.
It shows you have nothing to hide.
I don't know, man.
Jordan, you can't just disappear.
If you really want out of "Backsplash" I got to take offers from the talk shows.
- Good.
- But they all want you.
.
To spill the details about the affair.
There has to be some other way.
[SCOFFS.]
Release a statement.
Predator-prey, spin the blame back on her and maybe we stay in the Oscar race.
I'm not playin' it like that.
Don't bring it up again.
Why do you keep pushing back on this? Because I don't want people digging, alright? [SIGHS.]
This Nina thing has people looking at me way too closely.
Jordan, is there something else I should know? Anything? Whatever it is.
There's nothing else.
I just wish this will all go away.
[SIGHS.]
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
It's been like this all morning.
"Variety," "New York Times," everyone wants a comment.
- And you're telling them.
.
- No comment.
And, uh, Rainer still hasn't returned.
You want me to keep trying? L-let's let that breathe for a minute.
I'm sure he's trying to avoid the media on this mess, too.
You know, I thought that finding Jordan's birth certificate would put an 86 on this affair business but it keeps bubbling back up.
What are the rest of the assistants saying? I bought a round of shots last night at Precinct and got the scoop.
Can I expense the shots? Of course not.
Get to the point.
The board's leaning towards a hard no on renewing your deal.
[SIGHS.]
Perception is reality in this town.
I need it to look like I'm leaving Gold Brothers by choice.
Where are we with Steve Silver? 'His office said first avail is three weeks.
' Breakfast meeting only.
Chiconi's or the Polo Lodge.
Breakfast means it's never gonna happen.
I mean, he'll push twice and then shuffle me off his schedule.
Well, didn't you work with Steve Silver on "Backsplash?" It was my first producer credit.
And we spent the next five seasons arguing.
But, if it gets me out of here on my own terms.
.
You know what? Change my RSVP to yes.
I'll do a casual run in and try to choke down my rage at his chauvinistic privilege.
But what can we do about these? On the books, 4:15 with Natasha.
You're good.
Bring me the receipt to those drinks and I'll reimburse you.
You know, if it's easier, we can just get me a corporate card.
- Don't push it, Brian.
- It's worth a try.
I got a 20 on her, she's good to go in the fat suit.
Ms.
Glenn, they're ready for you in hair and makeup.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah I'm out of control I don't know where to go [CLEARS THROAT.]
But there ain't no.
.
Pleasure being a.
.
I'll be taking that clown You can try to keep up with me but I'm.
.
Nancy and the rest are good kids but Alexis is gonna get herself blackballed.
Somebody who treats her friends like that, it's pathetic.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Where are you going? 'Ms.
Glenn, I'm sorry.
' 'We really need you in the makeup chair.
' Well, they can wait all damn day because I'm not coming out of this trailer until someone writes me out of this frickin' fat suit! [SCREAMS.]
- Thanks again.
- 'You're welcome.
' Is it me or were these auditions like having your toe sawed off with a plastic knife? - They weren't that bad.
- They weren't good.
[SCOFFS.]
I just wish I had a minute and a half to stop everything and come up with a new game plan.
I've got to find a new apartment, roommates.
.
Are you sure you don't wanna just live with Paige? I'm not saying never.
Just not now.
Okay, no offense, but totally right now.
You're swamped with your movie you're also kind of homeless, Jake.
What's the real reason why you don't wanna move in with Paige? I just really need to focus on "Stealing Georgia" right now.
Would it help you focus if I could offer you a sunny spot with a comfy place to sleep and two very cool roommates who I think you'd be really happy with? That is a pretty decent couch.
[SIGHS.]
No.
No, I can't.
Just until your movie's done.
Adam works long hours, I'm gonna be on set and you'd have the whole place to yourself and you can edit in peace.
[CELL PHONE BUZZES.]
"Meet me at Gold Brothers.
Dress up.
I've got a surprise.
" - From Paige.
- Hm.
I've no idea what that's about.
But you should wear a jacket and tie.
Are you serious? What's going on? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
That's the lane right here.
What you think? This beat is exactly what I'm looking for.
Have you lost your mind so I lost them digits I had to block the business block the business - Whoo! I like that.
- Something like that, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
Your little friend trying to start a Twitter war, huh? "@TangeyT, too bad Pablo Money can't remiss your Tennessee flow.
" That's how she poppin' off? And she put my name in the midst? You know what? Maybe you should take a second with all of that.
No, P.
Look, look, wait.
Look, I can either let her drama shut me down or I can turn it into a second verse.
I'll respect that.
- Let's get to work, then.
- Let's get to work, then! [CHUCKLES.]
Hit it.
Cut you out of my contacts Please don't try to contact Anyone who.
.
Bow down Ooh, I like that.
Yes, it's a last-minute thing.
Just pull some choices and I'll pop by the wardrobe trailer to pick.
Nina, there's a situation.
[BELL RINGING.]
(ALEXIS) 'You can't do this, Nina!' 'They're making me sweat like hot yoga.
' 'And the foam just sucks it up and the smell just lingers.
' Ugh! I want out of this sticky fat suit! After everything you've pulled you have the nerve to make demands? (ALEXIS) 'The only thing I'm demanding is a better ending' to this stupid movie, Nina.
Maggie is stuck on a deserted island for most of the third act living off of coconuts and bugs, okay? She should be skinny at the end.
When Noah and August travel through time no time passes in the present.
'You're lying half-dead in a plane crash.
' 'At the end of the movie you are rescued.
' Still fat, but alive.
This stupid movie makes zero sense.
Get a screenwriter out here to do a rewrite or I don't budge.
Come out of that trailer or I'll have security drag your fake fat ass out.
You can drag me out, Nina, but you can't make me act.
Well, there's nothing new about that, is there? Rewrite me thin, Nina.
Get the electric department over here to turn off her power.
If she doesn't come out on her own, I'll sweat her out.
Come in.
(MALE #1) 'And on the left you'll see the base camp' 'for the blockbuster film, "Locked.
"' Whoa there, stud.
Come here.
(MALE #1) 'And she just opened escrow on a $1.
4 million-dollar gated house' 'in Nichols Canyon.
' - Is that.
.
- Yeah, studio tourists.
They go by all day.
Don't you think it's weird that the studio tour guide knows I'm buying a house in Nichols Canyon? One-point-four million? Did it really cost that much? Y-yeah, between closing fees and insurance.
So, when we move out of the Bixby.
.
Yeah, uh, I was thinking I'd just crash at Cassie and Adam's for a bit.
Jake.
Are you sure you're okay couch-surfing? Yeah, it's only temporary.
Besides, it's not like your boyfriend won't spend the night.
And I'll probably be at your place half the time anyway.
Why don't you just move in? Uh, why don't I let you get changed? And we should talk to somebody about that tour guide on our way out.
And where did you say we're goin' again? I didn't say, actually.
And slight change of plans.
You said you just had one scene to shoot today.
I do only have one scene to shoot but we're holding on account of some drama.
- Rainer? - No.
Actually this time it's Alexis.
Not surprising.
Hey, you wanna fill me in on, uh, this mystery evening and why I'm wearing a jacket and tie? My lips are sealed.
But when I'm done with set, maybe I'll tell ya.
Um, do you want me to grab you a chair at video village? Um, you know, I think I'll just, uh, stay here.
Okay.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- What did you say to her? - Whoa! I didn't know there were cameras, okay? Look, I swear, if Alexis has any more bombs to drop Would you back the hell up and give me a minute to explain? Jordan, I didn't know there were cameras.
I never meant for any of this to happen.
It was all Alexis and my mom.
She conned me into signing a release form.
So whatever you said to Alexis with those cameras rolling they can use on TV whenever they want? No, I didn't tell her about that.
Come on.
I wouldn't.
I swear.
Rainer explained everything to me, J.
I know you saved your mom's life.
- You did the right thing.
- Yeah, well.
.
Tell that to the attorney general of the state of Illinois.
Murder is murder, Tangey, I could go to jail.
Jordan, no one's going to find out about that.
Okay? Recycling goes in the blue bin! Dude, it's right next to the trash.
Daryl, it's not that hard, man.
Come on, please? For me.
.
Oh, my God, I don't know how any of us are gonna get through this "Backsplash" reunion tonight.
Same.
Last place I wanna be.
And because of all this, Rainer doesn't want me at the house.
I camped out at the Bixby.
Seriously? Of all the hotels in LA you choose the one that I'm living at? We can't be neighbors, act like friends? I have to go over my lines.
[CAR HONKS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[SOBBING.]
Work! Oh, come on.
You're kidding me! Yeah.
Oh, thank God.
[PANTING.]
[SPEWS.]
Oh.
.
[GRUNTING.]
Get off of me! [GRUNTING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[SOBBING.]
(NINA) 'Are you crying?' [CLEARS THROAT.]
No.
I can't go out there, Nina.
No one wants me here.
I have pissed off all my friends.
I'd rather die like a chihuahua in a hot car than face what I've done.
[SOBBING.]
(NINA) 'If I can take the heat for my actions' 'and still show up to work, so can you.
' [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
And we're back, people! 'Let's get the cast into wardrobe.
' Guys, I'm really sorry that I held everyone up.
Well, I promised to get everyone out of here in time for the "Backsplash" reunion tonight.
Well, I bet that's gonna be a lot of fun for you.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
- You're not even watching.
- What? Yes, I am.
Can't we just go to Big Wayne's? What? Dinner is included here.
Prime rib.
You'd rather have buffalo wings? Look, I'm just not cool with magic tricks.
- I had a weird ninth birthday.
- 'Shh!' Jake, oh, stop.
Come on.
Just stay.
I have a lot on my mind right now and this isn't helping.
Is this because of me going back to work with Rainer? 'Cause you were acting really weird in the trailer.
No, I'm fine, uh.
.
Uh.
.
Uh, you keep acting weird every time his name comes up.
Yeah, 'cause I can't tell what's pissing you off more the fact that I have to go back to work with him or that I bought a house without you.
I don't care that you bought a house, okay? I-I'm glad that you can afford it.
And I don't think my approval matters.
I just think that when we live together I should be able to pull my own weight.
Hey, we're trying to do magic here.
Wait, isn't that.
.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
[SPARKS CRACKLING.]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
That was cool.
We found her.
Go ahead, fire me.
I never liked this job.
I never signed on to feed your magic pigeons.
I left New York to get away from pigeons.
You two, are you stalking me? No, no, I-I'm the director.
Remember, you liked my script? Yeah, I know who you are.
And you two just got me fired, again.
I wouldn't have had to yell if you guys hadn't been bickering during the entire show.
- We're so sorry.
- We're sorry.
Sorry doesn't cut it, I don't know how many more lattes I can foam to pay rent! I can barely make auditions as it is.
But that's kind of why we're here.
That's what we wanted to talk to you about.
Whatever you have to say, I am so not in the mood right now.
Wait, wait, hey, come on.
Just, h-hear me out.
The only reason that we're here is because of me.
I had to go back to work and now the movie that you love Jake's movie, is suffering because of it.
Jake really did love your audition at the diner and he wanted to ask you if.
.
you would be the lead role in his movie.
Is she serious? Uh, yeah, absolutely, and now that you have some free time.
.
And if you're interested, of course.
Are you kidding? I would love to! You quit his movie? Uh, uh, well, how could you do that? - It's a great movie.
- Well.
.
The role's yours, Vera, if you want it.
Of course I want it.
And by the way, it's Billy.
- Billy London Schwartz.
- Paige.
Vera was my diner-waitress persona.
Oh, my God! This is great! I told you how much I love your script.
I'd be stupid to pass on something like this.
- No offense.
- That's a yes, right? - It's a hell-yes.
- Yay! - But I do have a few doubts.
- Uh, I'm-I'm open.
And we have to do some re-shoots, anyway, so.
.
Well, I'm obviously not working the second show tonight.
If you wanna get together and talk it out, grab some coffee? Sure.
Yeah, uh, we can meet at the Bixby.
.
- 'If that's.
.
' - That sounds great! I was gonna go watch the "Backsplash" reunion with Cassie, so I'll just go to her place.
- Great.
- I'll meet you there.
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited.
Bye! - Oh! Oh, my God.
- There you go! I am so sorry, I-I had no idea this whole evening was about this.
I wanted to help you finish your movie.
Look, I am sorry.
Me buying a house and asking you to move in at the same time is probably a lot.
So I'm sorry if I was doing too much too soon.
Well, you're not too much.
You're amazing, okay? Thank you.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
Yeah, I'm gonna cut from there to there, um.
.
And just go ahead and go check.
Thank you.
- Hey, dad - Well, watch out for that one.
I've seen him fire assistants over cold coffee.
It's been years.
- Nina.
- Uh, Steve.
And I actually quit caffeine.
And this isn't my assistant.
This is my daughter.
- Of course.
Sloan! - Hey.
You really grew up at Yale.
You're very sophisticated.
Thank you, Nina.
Is, uh, Rainer around by any chance? Yeah, I'm sure he's around here somewhere.
You know, I've been swamped with meetings, so I haven't seen him.
Uh, yet.
Today.
Okay, I'll just go look for him while you two catch up.
Well, that sure is a nice beaded bracelet.
My sister has one just like it.
Ah.
Thanks.
I got it at a Buddhist retreat.
Amethyst, very grounding.
Yeah, if you'll excuse me, I see some people I need to talk to.
Did you get my text about picking up sour gummies on the way? Wow, that's a lot of freaking sour gummies.
I thought I'd pick up dinner.
Doesn't dinner come with the tickets at the Sorcerer's Gallery? Mm-hmm, but we didn't eat.
- Oh, you didn't find her? - No, we did.
Oh, you did? That's great.
Uh, where's Jake? He's, uh, working on the script right now with Billy.
- Who? - Her name isn't actually Vera.
It's Billy.
I was thinking, after we watch the "Backsplash" reunion we could go over to the Bixby and have a drink with them by the bar.
But first, our favorite $12 champagne because you just got cast in a huge horror film.
Cassie, this is the beginning of a very big career for you.
We have to celebrate every step along the way with sour gummies! Yes.
I know, you thought I forgot.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
You're seriously the best.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
We have Rainer Devon as Chip Donahue and Aaron Michael James and Sheila Stroud as Bodie Granger and Aunt Susan.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
'You know, watching that clip, guys' 'really reminds me of how close you all were as a cast.
' Jordan and Rainer you guys were best friends before the show started but I heard recently that I thought we weren't gonna talk about I think he means the house we shared in Malibu.
Actually, Jordan just moved out.
I live with my girlfriend now.
- 'Aww!' - 'Aww!' - 'And what about you, Jordan?' - Uh, well.
.
I guess I'm just a single man doing my thing.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
(MALE #2) 'He's a single man, ladies.
' - Whoo! - 'Tangey.
' - You played Felicia Miller.
- I did.
'A rival who bumped heads with Becky Barnes.
' Wasn't that supposed to be a three-episode arc? Yeah, well, people really loved the chemistry between our characters, so they made me a series regular.
- That was some chemistry.
- 'Yeah.
' Well, what can I say, as far as Felicia's concerned - Becky Barnes was easy to hate.
- 'And there you have it.
' (MALE #2) 'We're gonna go from conflict to comedy' with more "Backsplash" reunion right after the break.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
(ALEXIS) 'Oh, my God! Sloanie-baloney.
' - Hi.
Hi.
How are you? - Hi! - Oh, I missed you - I missed you guys, too.
So are you finally back from Harvard? Uh, Yale, actually, magna cum laude, but whatever.
Ooh, good for you, smarty-pants.
So I know it's been a minute but you think you can help me convince your dad to do me a teensy-tiny little favor? Yeah, of course.
What's up? So I was counting on some good B-roll for Alexalicious but everyone's being super lame.
Complete saga.
- It's kind of my fault.
- Right.
Uh, but would you help me convince him to play the hurricane clip from season three? Yeah, of course, Alex, happy to help.
- Ah.
- You know, I idolize you guys.
When I was little, I wanted to be on camera with you just so bad.
Well, do me this favor and I'll get you a cameo on my show.
- Deal.
- Yes! Bye.
So if you make that small adjustment the dialogue back on page five makes a ton more sense.
I thought you said a few notes.
Just bear with me, we're almost at the second act.
Um, I think you should scrap the seduction scene.
I don't think it's working the way you intended it to work.
That scene is supposed to be how she gets him to do what she wants.
He's a bored husband and a mid-level bank manager.
Georgia prefers excitement, taboo.
Yeah, it's in the subtext.
You're making a movie, show me.
And stop arguing so much.
If my notes weren't good, you would have stopped writing them down ten minutes ago.
Okay.
So what's the pitch? - Ever seen "Joy House?" - With Jane Fonda? You're maybe the second person I've met who's even heard of that film.
My dad's a film professor at Columbia and my other dad is a critic for "The Village Voice.
" They named me after Billy Wilder.
Name a movie I haven't watched.
So you're thinking of an homage to the mirror scene.
Exactly.
Give me a sec, I think I have an idea.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
This next clip was supposed to feature our favorite guest star, Duke Zuma, but, instead, we're gonna roll a clip that almost slipped under the radar.
This is from a time when a hurricane hit Clementine Cove.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
This is bad, guys.
Hurricane Hazel's a category six! Maybe I should call go help! (IN UNISON) No! [LAUGHING.]
Felicia, there's something I have to confess.
'It was me who super-glued your locker shut' so you couldn't get your pom-poms.
Well, if we're being 100% honest your Spanx didn't shred themselves.
I just had to get that off my chest before we get blown away.
I'm sorry I borrowed your board without asking.
No problem, dude.
I'm sorry I tried to date Becky.
- I know you like her.
- It's okay, man.
(RAINER ON TV) 'Date her if you want, she's not worth' 'losing our friendship over' especially with varsity surf team in state finals.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
(JORDAN ON TV) Boom.
Promise me, if we make it out alive we'll be co-captains of the cheerleading squad next year.
- Pinky promise! - 'Aww.
' And even if we don't make it at least we'll die as friends.
- 'Aww!' - 'Come on.
.
' (TANGEY ON TV) 'I love you guys!' (IN UNISON) Friends forever! [THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[INDISTINCT YELLING.]
- That was close.
- Ha-ha.
- Yes.
Good job! - Yes.
Good job! [AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
[APPLAUDING.]
Whoo! I just have to say, I think over the years Tangey and I have weathered a lot of Hurricane Hazels.
Friends forever.
Pinky promise.
(MALE #3) 'Hey-hey, Jordan.
' 'What was it like to bang your best friend's mom?' [AUDIENCE GASPS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
What? Uh, uh, I can't comment on that.
Jordan can't say anything about that.
.
but I can.
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
I'm sure people want details about who is doing what with who.
Is that really the most important thing to worry about? [INDISTINCT WHISPERING.]
I wish that all of you that everyone in this room.
.
Rainer, Rainer would take responsibility for what they put out in the world.
Jordan, you and Nina Tangey and Alexis you're all to blame.
It's time to clean up your mess! [SIGHS.]
Well, but there's something we can do.
We can all do.
I'm donating my appearance fee from this reunion show $10,000 to Trending Ocean.
I hope all my co-stars all the producers join in.
Folks at home I'll match donations from our website, trendingocean.
com up to a million dollars.
Yeah? Sound good? This is our world, people.
Step up.
Take responsibility! Come on.
Come on.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you.
And on that uplifting note, we're out of time.
Rainer, a million dollars? That seems reckless, uh.
.
Out of control.
Wanna make sure you're focused on your recovery.
Funny thing about recovery.
Getting clean means cleaning up my world.
Can we talk, Rainer? About what happened with Jordan.
.
I feel like I owe you an explanation Please, don't explain, Nina.
I don't need to know how or why.
Your life is a garbage island.
If I wanna stay sober, I've gotta get the hell off.
Rainer? Yeah.
Huh? Kids.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right? Hey, Nina, I'm here to listen if you need me.
I know what this did to you last time.
I can't go through that again.
I know.
Hey, come on.
Oh, my God.
That was so awful.
I mean, ugh, he must feel awful.
I should, oh, I should call him.
Don't be champagne stupid.
We're about to meet Jake for a drink.
You can't call and offer emotional support to some other guy the guy that Jake is already jealous of.
- Oh - But just don't.
He did seem kind of unhinged.
I mean, I should at least just text Rainer, as a friend.
As a friend, Rainer will be just as grateful when you send him a thoughtful text to see how he's doing tomorrow, when you're not champagne stupid.
Oh, wait.
Look, there they are.
- Hi, baby.
- Hey.
Hey.
Uh, Billy, this is Cassie.
She plays Zoey in the movie.
- Tater Tots from the diner.
- Yeah.
Or, actually, I prefer Cassandra or Cassie.
Billy has a great take on the monologue at the end of act one.
The one where Georgia seduces Landon? I love that monologue.
You guys have to hear this rewrite.
Georgia stands behind Landon uh, in the mirror's reflection.
My daddy was a necktie man.
He sold used cars wearing a vintage tie to put people at ease.
He had this fun, real skinny shark-skin tie for Saturday nights.
'He'd wear that skinny tie loose' with his shirt unbuttoned at the neck.
He'd go out, he'd drink a little rye, meet a pretty girl and ask her to dance a real slow two-step.
(JAKE) 'Georgia loosens his tie.
' Unbuttons his shirt.
One and then another.
You're choking yourself, Landon day in and day out with that polyester noose.
When's the last time you loosened up your tie? When's the last time you asked a pretty girl to dance? Georgia pulls Landon in by his tie.
Kisses him.
He can't resist.
I love it! It's good.
Very good work.
Great.
It's great stuff.
- Thank you.
- Cool.
Thank you.
Should we go get some drinks? - 'That's a good idea.
' - I'm so thirsty.
I'm gonna help her.
.
with the drinks.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Is it just me or did Aaron Michael James get way cuter after he came out? Tange, um, what you said on air are we all made up? That clip was your idea, wasn't it? 'Do you remember that day, Lex' how Ida yelled at me in my trailer criticizing my performance? 'Did you seriously think that clip would get us to make up?' 'Cause all it did was remind me to perform in front of the cameras pretend we're friends for the show.
I know I put you in a terrible position using that footage.
- And I'm really sorry, Tangey.
- Too little, too late.
You could have tweeted me an apology hours ago.
Instead, you were just making it worse.
I just wanted you to talk to me.
Like, I would ever dignify your stupid Twitter-war with a response.
I'm not gonna let you manipulate me, Alexis.
You're just as bad as my mother.
You two deserve each other.
'Are you okay?' No.
She's changing everything.
And don't you think that scene was bad? I-I kinda liked it.
You know, it was very "Drugstore Cowboy" Sam Shepard noir.
Well, at least Jake is happy.
I know this sucks.
The part of Georgia was written for me.
And then he goes and he's just gonna rewrite it for someone else? Like, uh.
.
I'm so not onboard.
I wish he could just wait.
Oh.
Hey, Shane.
I didn't know you were working tonight.
Yeah, I pull the closing shifts all week.
Here you go.
- Ooh! Wow! Okay.
- Ooh.
Can you comp a bottle this nice? Well, I wish I could.
It's an anonymous gift.
(SHANE) 'All I got was cash and instructions' to buy you a bottle of our very best champagne.
Oh, and I am supposed to give you this.
Thanks.
'Hm.
' [DOOR OPENS.]
(JORDAN) 'Rainer, hold up.
' - He needs a minute.
- No, no, no.
He needs to hear from me.
He keeps saying he's okay.
That is not okay.
Let Rainer manage his own emotions.
You stepping in to make him feel better won't make him better.
It just keeps him dependent on you.
- We need to talk.
- Yeah, and you will.
On his terms, when he's ready.
Until then, trust me I'll take good care of him.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
You know, your son, he may not have wanted you here tonight but I'm glad you changed your RSVP.
Come on, "Backsplash.
" This was your baby.
It wouldn't have been the same without you here tonight.
Would you consider talking about going into business together? I think that this time around maybe things could be different.
You know, and whatever's good.
I'll, I'll take that breakfast meeting idea.
You know what, y-you really want things to be different? Yeah.
How about I take you to dinner and we not talk business? Not talk about business at all? Not a word.
Um.
.
Yeah, I think I'd like that.
Ooh Move your body like Ooh Move my body like Ooh o-oh Ooh o-oh I've got none.
.
I-I know this is uncomfortable.
And I know you wanna get away from my drama but movin' on hasn't been easy, Tange.
I've tried.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
I've got none I've got none none.
.
- What floor? - Uh, four.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I didn't like what went down today.
I know.
I'm sorry.
That was completely unprofessional.
I'm not trippin' on that little Twitter-beef situation.
Just wanted to make sure that you're okay.
Yeah, I'm good.
Thank you.
Jordan Wilder, right? - Pablo.
- Hey, man.
Look, I know I rolled up on you unannounced.
But you wanna grab a drink with me? How 'bout you come upstairs for a drink? Ooh o-oh Ooh o-oh [THEME MUSIC.]