Foursome (2016) s02e04 Episode Script

1 (gentle chiming) Previously on Foursome.
I had my big O.
Holy moly.
My foursome tried to help me get the image of my brother out of my brain, but it wasn't until I met the new guy Kent Seydek that my oh no turned it into oh yeah.
And I'm not the only one obsessed with Kent.
You're a quarterback? Yeah.
Best of all, we're closer than ever.
Maybe too close.
Minty.
(energetic dance music) (howling) (laughing) Teen Wolf.
Nice tat, bro-jangles.
(shouting) Oh yeah, thanks man.
It's for my brother.
Got eaten alive by some wolves.
Ouch, man the outback must be brutal.
I'm kidding, man.
Honestly, I just drew it in calc because I was bored.
Sick yeah, drawing is cool.
You know I can throw a football, I don't know a hundred yards minus 20 yards.
Cool, man.
But it's whatever.
(heavenly orchestral music) You know what else is cool.
That I plowed like, I don't know, 30 freshmen in my day.
That's a little misogynistic, don't you think? Yeah, I'm gonna dictionary that and get back to you.
I'll see you later, cool? Cool, hey, no, K-dog, listen, my G, we gotta stick together, bro, Brayer.
This place is blessed by us being so badass, dude.
Yeah, I used to hold that title solo.
This school is full of nothing but turds and losers.
Oh yo, check it out, one of the good guys.
Josh, meet my dingo friend, Kent.
Hi, man, Josh.
Wow, firm grip.
I feel like I barely applied any pressure at all.
Cool.
I'm glad you guys met.
Alright, A-dog, I'm gonna head off.
Yeah, pause for a sec.
Classic Figstack moment, bro.
I mean that's our shit, man, come on.
(energetic alternative rock music) Ew, why is Kent Seydek bro-ing it out with Alec? Why is Kent not taggable on Facebook? Why can I not find any hot pictures of him on social media anywhere? I need a mojo photo for my diddle bank, and I am not using one with Alec in it for obvious Hello (laughing) I am Stan.
Hi, I'm Andie Fixler.
You are a Cup of Brayer's breakout star, my lady.
I know exactly who you are.
Okay.
Stan's our Stan, a fanboy.
We are staring at you to stop party popping and start party stopping.
Wow, what was that? My favorite line from my favorite segment of Cup of Brayer.
There's only been one.
Exactly, I am so, so excited to see where you guys go with season two.
Geez Louise, would you look at this? I'm hanging out with the cast of CoB.
I just know everything about you guys.
Everything? That seems worrisome.
The reason for my visit is to offer my services.
To the media club, I believe I would be a phenomenal addition.
Shame, our voting process is just super long.
[Together.]
Yeah, it's so long, it's like really long.
Excuse me, Stan, when you say everything, can you be more specific? (shouting interjections) No, he hasn't got any time.
Gotta run, adios.
I will be holding my breath in anticipation of your vote.
I hope you do.
(slams into door) By the way, Imogen, I am so surprised that someone that posts so many K-pop videos has never been to North or South Korea.
Okay, let's go.
You're one of my favorites.
(gasping) How does he know I've never been to Korea? We're not even Facebook friends, I hate this.
K-Pop videos? We're about to not be Facebook friends.
This is all your fault.
Yes, you are the one that strong-armed me into joining Facebook, and now everybody knows all of my interests, and they're gonna like lure me into their hands, like hey, little girl, do you wanna like come and see this shini concert? What's this mess? Mr.
Zap blocked me? How do you know? Well, this morning I was feeling saucy, so I decided to poke him, and I just checked to see if he poked me back, and I don't see his profile.
Did he erase it? Nope, we're still friends.
You don't even go here, college trash.
That swindlin' twit.
What's happening? Your douche of a brother just posted a picture of him and some heinous frosh face chicken head.
I can't believe this.
It means he's moved on to the fresh meat stage.
Good, that means he's going to have high cholesterol now.
No, dummy, it means Alec is about to start hooking up with hordes of girls.
Oh my god, you're right.
When senior quarterback Zach Commons broke up with Whitney Barnett, I was his fresh meat, then Alec was my fresh meat when Zach broke up with me after he got Lupis.
I can't believe I'm being replaced by another (kettle whistling and beeping) bitch-faced girl.
(shouting in anger) Oh, that was a huge mistake.
You guys, I think I'm starting to pick up on a pattern here.
All of our problems right now are caused by social media.
We're like addicts and our crack cocaine, our meth amphetamines, and our black tar heroin is our freaking phones, look at us.
I haven't slept in two days because I've been online s Kent.
We're way too desperate and way too available.
No wonder we're all having issues.
Guys, hello? Are you even listening to me? (whining) I miss you.
Hey, gang, just wanted to stop by because there's a small, young man with a tacky bow tie that won't leave my office.
He's just a fan boy.
Don't worry we're not going to include him in anything.
Am I encouraging bullying? Mr.
Shaw, we're actually working on a segment right now.
It's called Brayer Unplugged, and we were wondering if you could help us investigate by locking our phones up? That's great news.
Principal Slacks was getting pretty suspicious that you guys were using this room for an underground fight club, but I told him you weren't, of course.
Unless you are, then I wanna join.
Okay, I'll lock up your phones.
(struggling) Stop it.
(slamming locker door) (shouting) Well, I'm off to make sure that weirdo doesn't Dewey Decimal my whole office.
Okay, no phones.
Just kidding.
(phone ringing) We need a distraction.
Alright, gang, let's scatter and gather supplies.
Yeah, let's go.
I'm going to kill that girl.
(cheerful acoustic guitar music) Mounds, huh? Not your run-of-the-mill candy choice.
Guess I'm not your run-of-the-mill guy.
I think I like 'em because they come in two.
Oh you like those? I love nuts.
(laughing) I'm Kent Seydek.
I know we've already met, but just in case you forgot, it's nice to officially meet you.
Andie Fixler, I didn't forget.
I think you might know my brother Alec? He's an interesting guy.
He's kind of intense.
That's one word for it.
I saw that he made you guys his profile picture on Facebook.
Oh, did he? I didn't see it.
I'm not on social media.
I'm not really on Facebook, except for Snapchat, and that's only because my nieces love it.
Your niece should add me.
I'm a pretty creative snapper.
Maybe I should add you, too.
See if I can get creative.
Looking forward to it.
Next chocolate's on you.
I love nuts? Come on.
Oh, shit.
(bell ringing) (phones beeping) That's a DM, that's a like.
(phone beeping) Is that a friend request? Is it, is it? See you guys, not only am I a masterful cinematographer, but I am also an editor.
I am a researcher, and I am a prodigious interviewer.
Courtney, word around school is that you and Alec Fixler are finished, care to comment? Whoa.
Stan, we can't vote until our president is here.
She had some cafeteria chowder, so it's gonna be a hot second.
Okay, copy that, I will be waiting on the edge of my seat.
I hope that seat's on a cliff, Stan.
(laughing) Oh, by the way, Imogen, please tell your Aunt Eileen happy birthday from me.
How does he know Aunt Eileen? Oh my god, I thought he would never leave.
I need my phone.
Kent and I are Snapchatting.
It's like a whole thing, get out of my way.
If you're getting your phone, so am I.
I need to delete all of my accounts before Stan kidnaps my mom and human traffics her.
I need to see if Zap unblocked me.
If he hasn't, I need to use one of your accounts to stalk him.
You guys, I figured it out.
You just put the display unit onto the circuit board and then connect the micro SD flash card to the docking connector.
(giggles) (hammer crashing) I've been thinking about your segment, and I'm in, too.
I need to separate from my tablet.
Pokemon Go has been taking up way too much of my life.
(shouting) I will not break my promise to you.
I am not my father.
I need my phone.
[Imogen.]
What are we gonna do? To the computers.
Oh my god.
(shouting) (gas leaking rapidly) (sirens wailing) Guys, where's Imogen? Wrong natural disaster, Harvard.
There was an earthquake, a real one.
Let's get out of here.
Guys, let's go.
I told you that door was gonna break.
Damn you and your constant (mumbling).
You guys, I can see people through the cracks, help.
That proves it, no one cares about media club.
[Intercom Operator.]
Emergency, there was an earthquake.
Please move calmly and quietly to the nearest exit.
There's been an earthquake, everybody out, run! (shouting and banging on door) Hey, guys, you should probably be outside.
I don't know if you heard, there's been an earthquake.
Stan, we're stuck.
Go get a teacher.
Oh, no, that's terrible.
I will, but before I go, quick inquiry, did you guys happen to vote on me joining the media club, yet? [Together.]
Oh my god.
Enjoy and remember shallow breaths.
(breathing loudly) Just like that, great.
Oh, let him come back, come at me, Stan.
Come at me.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
You guys, we're actually trapped.
(phones ringing noisily) [Together.]
Phones! Oh my gosh, they're taunting us.
Okay, guys, everyone stay calm.
Let's just gather supplies from earlier and see if we can crack open this cabinet.
Securing our phones and discovering where that JV juvie lives.
Okay, I was going to say calling for help, but you do you, Court.
I have this quarter that Kent gave me earlier.
Come on girl, you got this.
Jam that quarter in that locker, jam it, jam it.
(sighing in exasperation) Oh my god, Dakota, what do you have? When all else fails, look for help from above.
Oh, God? (heavenly choral music) No, astrology.
Alright, Cancer, you must disconnect to connect.
Wow, that was amazingly unhelpful.
Oh, ah.
Dakota.
Courtney, what do you have? Oh, I stole that fresh meat's insulin.
That's other level.
And it's also not going to help us break into this cabinet.
Oh yeah, it fuels my hate fire.
I'm going to find out that glucose hording bitch's name right now.
(imitating martial artist) (heavy crashing) Gotta give it credit, it's pretty sturdy.
If you don't get out of the building, the building will collapse, and you will die.
That is a fact.
I'm not making this up, Jacob.
I lost a friend in '96.
A school collapsed on him.
Sarah, Deborah.
(kissing noises) Come on, guys, I keep counting you as one person, leave some space.
No can do, Shaw.
I'm her therapy.
Besides natural disasters get me turned on.
That's so cool.
You're cool.
James, Kent Seydek.
Here.
There he is, yeah, Kent, my guy.
How are ya buddy? (shouting) Ease up on the tickle punches, bro.
(laughing) You're so funny, man.
Yo, football toss.
You and me, pronto.
I keep one on me just in case.
No thanks, man, I'm good.
Haha, you're hilarious man.
Alright, go long.
I'm just kidding, you're good there.
(gasping) (thuds) (gasping for breath) I'm gonna take a TO.
(gasping) (phones ringing) Get the ringing out of my head.
Make it stop.
Siri, if you can turn on during my first gyno appointment, you can turn on now.
Great Scott, I did it.
I have 1%, 1%.
(dramatic orchestral music) [Together.]
Courtney, give me that phone.
(screaming) (laughing) That was insane in the membrane.
Totally.
(laughing) Dakota, I scratched your face.
(laughing) I know, I'm bleeding bad.
(laughing) You kicked me right in the clavicle.
(laughing) I did, I really did.
What about Dakota, he titty twisted me.
Me, too.
(laughing) I titty twisted all y'all bitches.
(laughing) All for nothing, the screen's so messed up you can't even see it.
(beeping) (dramatic orchestral drums) (shouting) Kent Seydek? How many times do you want to take my attendance? Oh, you noticed, present.
Hey, I can't find you on Twitter, bro bro.
Add me, my handle's BernadetteLover68.
Big penis for life.
Did you add met yet? And if anybody wants to follow me on Twitter, it's at [Together.]
No.
Okay.
(phones ringing) I wish that teacher from my eighth grade science class was here.
Who? I forget his name, but he always carried around that weird Swiss Army knife.
He could probably open that cabinet.
I used to have nightmares about knife stranger man.
So I can only use spoons.
Ew, I totally know who you're talking about.
He used to give me melted fudgesicles.
Ew.
(mellow drums and sitar music) What was his name? Did we call him Mr.
Butt? We called him Bum, it rhymed with Blum, oh my god, I can't believe we just cracked that one.
We don't need phones.
Look at what we just did, plus plenty of old people lived a long, long time without them.
We're better off, you know.
All that matters is that we're here, together, connecting in real life.
My horoscope was right.
You know, I don't want to poke Mr.
Zap on Facebook, I want to poke him in his butt book.
If I hide behind my phone, I just have a virtual relationship, and I've already done the whole catfish thing.
If my phone stays locked away, they'll never be able to track me or find out where I live or force me to put the lotion on my skin.
Yeah, you guys were so right.
I'm finally starting to heal from the breakup, you know.
I haven't been so clingy, and I haven't stolen Alec's panties in over a week, and then bam! (exploding) That diabetic bitch just instagramed, and it totally reset.
I don't need Snapchat to flirt.
If Kent Seydek wants to show me something, he can just do it in person or in my person.
I'm on fire.
Kent Seydek? Jesus, still here.
(camera shutter clicks) Who you snapping at, turtle? Oh, your sister.
Whoa, that's a really weird Australian joke, man.
Joke? Yeah, dude, it's like a yo momma joke but just wrong.
(laughing) Oh yeah, good one, Kent.
My sister, bro, and I'm poking a go at your mom.
(laughing) Yeah, cool, man, Janet's the best.
That's a good one.
Who's Janet? Did you guys say Pokemon? I party.
Stay put, I'm gonna grab my tablet.
Screw Instagram.
I don't need to check in on fresh meat.
I'm gonna go all yellow pages on her ass.
I'm gonna find her home address, knock on her door, befriend her mother, have her make me some delicious oatmeal.
DM, more like directly massage me.
(moaning) Yeah, no more Friendster.
I mean, yeah, I don't need Facebook friends because she's my friend.
I don't wanna Vine Mr.
Zap, I want to take him to the movies and buy him Red Vines.
(claps) I wish there was water.
[Together.]
True.
Finally, I'm in that bitch's room.
I'm gonna swap out her bedspread just to mentally mess her up, and that's when things get really crazy.
Courtney, I think you lost a lot of blood.
You should sit down.
I do feel dizzy.
I hope you're all celebrating voting me in a new member.
(dramatic orchestral music) [Together.]
Stan.
How did you get the door open? A screwdriver isn't just Imogen's mom's favorite drink.
(gasping) Besides, this isn't the only gift I bear, see.
A new member can be very advantageous.
You'll never be a Cup o' Brayer.
Alright, then I guess you don't need these keys to the cabinet that I stole from Mr.
Shaw's pretty tight khakis.
Alright, then, ta-ta, enjoy yourselves.
(whispering) Stan, hold on.
Yeah, after careful consideration, we've actually rethought your candidacy, and you're now in media club.
(clapping) Good for you, welcome to the club.
I can't do it.
I was planning on infiltrating the media club, but god, I hate you.
I hate you all so much.
But why? I am the editor and chief of the Brayer Bulletin, the newspaper.
We have a newspaper? Yes, you idiots.
I have been forced to work out of a closet.
I have literally never seen a newspaper.
I hid a camera in here.
I'm going to show Principal Slacks the tape.
He'll see that once and for all that the Brayer Bulletin deserves this room.
(heavy booming) (keys jingling) (making confused noises) Oh, thank god.
I thought I'd never get to catch a Bulbasaur.
By the way, you all missed attendance during the evacuation.
That means you get detention, detention, detention, det I don't even go here, Mr.
Shaw.
Detention! (gasping) Bye, Mr.
Shaw.
Bye.
[Together.]
Phones.
(struggling) Imogen, I'm taking your phone.
You snooze, you lose.
Mr.
Zap unblocked me.
That idiot checked into Hot Topic.
(laughing) Did your Mounds melt in your mouth? Because mine did because I got a hot tongue.
Hot tongue? Oh my god, I'm dead.
Saving to diddle vault.
[Courtney.]
Do you shop at Hot Topic? Cool, me neither.
Found it.
(gasping) (dramatic orchestral music) (shouting) (struggling) (yelling) You're so strong.
(laughing) Well, enjoy your room.
While it lasts.
(laughing and cheering) Great, just what we need.
Another authority figure's attention on how little we do in here.
Imogen, stick your fingers hill and shine, didn't know you had it in you.
I can't lose this place.
It's the one thing that makes public school bearable.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to delete myself off the interweb, thank you.
Maybe your horoscope was right, we did need to disconnect to connect.
I didn't know this was possible, but I feel hella closer to you guys.
Come on, guys, I love you.
(kissing noises) (rumbling and shouting) We're all gonna die.
(shouting) (dramatic orchestral drums) If you just take a look at this, you will see that the Bulletin deserves the Brayer lair.
The media club, they're garbage, and you can smell it from the halls.
You will smell the garbage right through this video.
(stammering) (screaming) No! (screaming) No! (screaming) No, No! (upbeat hip hop music) Earthquake on the floor like a fault line.
Don't stop, keep moving to the bass line.
Everybody move fast and pulse Hands up in the air like you're outlaws Earthquake make you shake, shake, shake, shake Earthquake make you shake, shake, shake, shake (upbeat hip hop music with vocal backing)