Frasier (2023) s02e04 Episode Script

1
(KNOCKING)
- Good morning, Eve.
- Hi, Dr. Crane.
You and Freddy are so sweet
to drive me to the dedication today.
Oh, of course. Of course.
It's not an easy anniversary.
You shouldn't be alone today.
- How are you holding up?
- I'm all right.
I actually spent the weekend
doing things that Adam loved.
You know, as a way
to keep his memory fresh.
I, uh I watched a Muppet movie.
- Mm-hmm.
- I read his favorite comic book,
I had ice cream for breakfast,
cereal for dinner.
Eve, excuse me for asking,
but Adam was an adult, yes?
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
That was my guy.
Well, that is a healthy way
to honor him,
emotionally, if not nutritionally.
Oh, you look so nice.
Nah. Really?
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
I feel like I'm in the chorus
of H.M.S. Pinafore.
Dad, get away from the piano!
I can do it bouncy.
It might lift your spirits a bit.
Hasn't Eve been through enough?
All right. What do you need
from us today, Eve?
Would you like some company
after the service?
No, I'll be okay.
I figure it's a good day
to go through Adam's last box of stuff.
Finally decide what to keep or sell.
It's mostly junk.
Old CDs, T-shirts, Quasar.
- Quasar? What's that?
- Oh, it's this dumb video game
that Adam used to play online.
I think it involves alien colonists
and a race of ancient mushroom people.
Ah.
The ancient mushroom people. Mm.
Their culture was barbaric,
but their art so pure.
At least let Freddy and me bring
you some dinner this evening.
Oh, I'd love that.
Okay, we should get going.
- I'm gonna grab my purse.
- Yeah.
So, how are you holding up?
Yeah, you know, not too bad.
Working on the speech.
It's kind of hard to summarize
a 15-year friendship
on a three-by-five card.
Just remember to speak from the heart.
And those do come in five-by-sevens.
- You're sure you're okay?
- I'm fine, Dad.
Because if you don't want
to talk, there are other ways
- to communicate.
- Dad, please don't.
Perhaps something light,
- operatic.
- Dad, I'm serious.
Ah, sly dog!
Ah, sly dog! How say you ♪
And it's Trial By Jury,
not Pinafore,
- and it's your fault I know that.
- Oh.
And finally, some words
from Adam's best friend,
Freddy Crane.
Do you think he'll have trouble
getting through his speech?
He might. He's always been emotional.
He used to cry his eyes out
if the Patriots were down big
in the first act.
And he was inconsolable
during the intermission.
Well, if he has any trouble
finding the right words,
I've brought along
my old friend John Keats.
Oh. Keats.
It's unparalleled
in transmogrifying sorrow into beauty.
Huh. I got to be honest.
I'm having trouble keeping up
my end of the conversation.
FREDDY (SIGHS): Okay.
Hey, everybody.
Adam and I came up together
in the academy, and, uh
Well, man, he was one of a kind.
FRASIER: Hmm.
But now-now that a year has passed,
I think
that I'm finally ready
to admit something
that I-I never really felt like
I could say before.
Adam's chili recipe
(BOSTON ACCENT): was garbage.
- (LAUGHTER)
- I mean, come on now.
Ground turkey?
what are you thinking, bud?
(LAUGHTER)
The thing is, Adam was a special guy.
And nothing would have made
him happier than to see Eve
and all of his friends here,
thinking about him
and smiling, so, uh,
buddy, I just love you, and I miss you.
That was perfect.
An effulgent valediction.
Yeah, super Keatsy.
- Anyway, I should go home.
- Right, right.
Give Baby John a hug for me,
and we will see you for dinner.
Yes.
Hey, Doc.
Freddy did a great job
with that speech, huh?
- He certainly did, didn't he?
- Yeah.
It was fine.
You're just mad he didn't
use the jokes you gave him.
Adam was Polish. If not now, when?
So, who's Freddy talking to?
Oh, that's Dr. Stathos.
She's the district therapist.
She can't date patients,
but she's very good
at politely setting boundaries.
Therapist?
Well, I suppose that would be
useful in your line of work,
with-with grief and trauma.
Yeah, she's great.
She's helped a lot of
firefighters work through grief.
Freddy's been working
with her a lot lately.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Some sort of a mandatory thing?
- No, no, no, no, no.
She's only there
when you're really struggling.
Yeah.
FRASIER: So, Freddy
has started seeing a therapist,
but when I ask him how he's doing,
he says, "Fine," or "Okay,"
or "Dad, you're blocking the TV."
The firehouse dog shows more emotion.
Ugh, dogs.
Dogs?
Well, what's to like?
A wolf pack suddenly evolves
from apex predator
to man's crotch-sniffing best friend?
No, I'm not buying it.
I hate to be the cliché
head of psychology department
defending psychology,
but shouldn't we as
psychologists be pro-psychology?
No, I'm-I'm glad he's talking to her,
but why is he talking to her?
Well, the only two people
who can answer that question
are Freddy and his therapist.
And Freddy's clearly not ready
to share that with you.
Ah. Point taken.
Really? That was surprisingly easy.
I'll ask her instead. Thank you, Alan.
(KNOCKING)
- Hey.
- Hey.
Wait. Are you checking in on me?
- I said I wanted to be alone.
- I know.
- I really don't want to be alone.
- I know.
And I heard that you're trying
to sell a video game system.
I might be able to find someone
in my dorm to buy it.
Really? All those Harvard kids
aren't busy having sex?
- Nice.
- Anyway, the game's over there.
I set it up to see if it still works.
Quasar.
What's going on? You've played it?
Hmm. More like it played me.
I've been off the Q for
coming up on six months.
Really? It's just a game.
Oh, sure, yeah, it starts that way,
but, uh, then it sucks you in.
No worries. I wouldn't want you to
Well, maybe just
one little dungeon raid.
Oh, just to make sure the system works.
Can't you tell by just
- looking?
- I said one raid.
So, how's it going with the box?
Well, I took it out
and took its top off.
Oh, great. So you got to second base.
That's not bad.
I don't know why it's so hard
to get started.
I guess in part, it's because
it's Adam's last box.
- I get it. Tell you what.
- (SIGHS)
Let me help.
That would be amazing.
Okay, let's start easy.
One sock.
- That's obviously
- Keep.
Okay.
Uh Ah.
A corroded battery?
Oh. He was such a battery guy.
Keep.
Eve, you know you can't just
keep everything, right?
Right, right, right. I'm sorry. Uh
Oh, we can toss
these broken green sunglasses.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. From St. Paddy's Day?
Are you crazy? Why don't you
just throw the baby out, too?
(KNOCKING)
Yeah, come in.
- Forgive the intrusion.
- Ugh.
(GASPS, LAUGHS)
The famous Frasier Crane?!
In my own little workspace here?
Get way out of town!
I don't know how famous I really am.
Are you kidding me?!
I've got a mug here
with your picture on it.
Well, not this mug. That mug's at home.
This mug is an abstract pattern.
That's how famous you are!
- (LAUGHS)
- And you are?
Oh. (SNORTS, LAUGHS)
I'm not famous at all.
- No, I-I meant your name.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Dr. Virginia Stathos.
Oh, my God, it's like a ham hock.
Oh. Oh, my land.
I'm the regional therapist here
for the fire department.
But you can call me "Doc."
That's short for doctor.
But you know that!
Oh, my God, I'm so nervous!
- Please have a seat.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Uh, so, uh
Oh, I see I see you have a dog crate.
Uh, do you use pet therapy?
Oh, I share the space with Sparky. Yeah.
Gets a little ripe
in here when it rains.
(LAUGHS)
I also share it with a punching bag
and ammonium phosphate tanks.
What I'm saying is, I don't work
at a Cinnabon, right?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
So, was it cool being on TV?
Yes. Yes, it was very cool.
Um, listen, I
My son Freddy is a firefighter here,
and I understand you've been seeing him.
Mm, you know I can't tell you
whether or not he's a patient.
Yeah, well, I-I do see a folder
there with his name on it.
Are you a goalie?
'Cause nothing gets by you.
- (LAUGHS)
- Aren't you fun.
But, um, therapist to therapist,
I I was just wondering
if there's anything that I should be?
That is confidential information.
And sharing that would be
a serious violation.
Did you give away any cars
on the show like on Oprah?
Like, even a Saturn or something crazy?
No, no. A couple of ATVs.
Oh, we did give away a dune buggy once.
And-and forgive me. I-I would
never divulge a patient session.
Of course not. You're a pro.
I'm sure you can understand
that for a father
Well, if this were
a Concerned Parent-O-Meter
where would I?
The APA's code of ethics
is crystal clear, Dr. Crane.
Right?
And violating that
would jeopardize my license
and my personal code of ethics.
- Of course, of course.
- Now
did you have your own
hair person on the show?
And if you did,
did you still have to tip?
Yes, and no, not customary to tip.
Well, the rich stay rich,
huh, Dr. Crane?
(KNOCKING)
Hey, Doc, you're needed out front.
Well, not so much you
as your midrange jump shot.
(LAUGHS) I was a point guard at Vassar.
Let's hope you actually bring it
this time, Cupcake.
Frasier.
Are you okay? You look shaken.
Yeah, is everything all right?
No, it's not all right,
and the reason is
this!
- Frasier, no!
- Wait, what is that?
I have no idea. I'm just indulging him.
I took Freddy's file from his
therapist without permission.
Frasier, no!
(QUIETLY): You stole Freddy's file?
I misplaced it.
Underneath my sweater.
I was in a fugue state, I was fraught.
I just had to know
if Freddy was all right.
Frasier, this is a major ethical breach.
Of course, we've all had our dalliances
in moral gray areas.
Who amongst us
hasn't played fast and loose
with a prescription pad,
or pretended to a patient
that they're channeling a dead relative
just to get a point across?
To steal and read a file.
I-I haven't read it, but I-I might.
What's that?
You want me to warn
your great-grandson Frasier
not to open the file?
Well, I I'm his father.
I need to know he's okay.
This file is confidential.
Just possessing it could be illegal.
Is it? Let's ask an expert.
'Kay? Um
are there any legal students
in the house?
We're all from the D.A.'s office.
Oh! Even better.
So, say a pseudo-celebrity
- stole a medical
- Alan!
S-Sorry, sorry.
A real celebrity stole
- a medical file
- Alan!
All right, all right.
Agreed. I can't read this file.
Unless
we could figure out
some sort of a loophole.
- No way.
- Absolutely not. - No, no,
think of it as a puzzle.
- Ooh, a puzzle?
- No.
Yes.
If only we knew a brilliant
someone who intimidated men
with her problem-solving acumen.
- Me! I do that!
- Yes!
Yes, Olivia, will you help
tackle this brainteaser with me?
All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
Hypothetically
what if reading this file
could stop a serial killer?
Should we open it then?
(STAMMERS) Sorry, remind me again
how many people has Freddy slain?
The point Olivia is making
is that we don't know.
- So we have to look inside
- No, no, no, no.
Hold on, hold on. I'm just warming up.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Okay.
If the file fell
on the ground and opened,
then, technically
Damn.
Didn't open.
Maybe I can throw it harder.
I can't let you do this,
Frasier. It's wrong.
Really, Alan?
Suddenly you're the ethics champion?
He who pretends to be active military
before boarding a plane.
This happens to be different.
If Freddy ever finds out
that you've read what's in here,
you'll ruin all the trust
you've worked so hard
to rebuild with him.
And once you lose that with a child,
you may never
you may never get it back.
I can't read that file.
Good work.
(SIGHS)
So how do you plan to replace this file?
I hadn't thought that far ahead.
Sounds like another puzzle.
But if his therapist finds out
that it's missing,
she'll know it was me.
So we've got
to get it back into her office
before she knows it's missing.
I'm out.
Oh, no.
But what if, on our way,
we encounter a bridge troll
with riddles three?
I hope you encounter a bridge troll.
They eat old goats.
Do we have any idea when she
and Freddy are meeting again?
Well, a really good therapist
would keep that information
in the fol
Fra-Frasier!
I need you to focus
on doing the right thing!
Okay.
Let's go and break into a city building.
Okay. So we have
successfully moved everything
from the unsorted box
into the "keep" box.
Which, if you think about it,
is a super inefficient way
- of doing nothing.
- (SIGHS)
It's just so hard.
I know it seems like junk,
but it's still so hard to get rid of it.
I know. It's just I keep
thinking there must be a reason
that Adam kept it all, right?
- Like this rock.
- Yeah, why did he keep a rock?
I don't know why he kept a rock!
(EXHALES) All right, look, I
I think that Adam
would only want you to keep
what's important to you.
Right? So, new rule
if we pull something out of the box
and it tells a story about him,
then we keep it.
If it's
oh, I don't know, a rock
- then we toss it.
- Okay.
- Yeah? Okay.
- Mm.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- (SIGHS)
- (SIGHS)
- 'Kay.
(SNIFFS)
Look, the truth is,
nothing is gonna make this easy.
Except alcohol.
Freddy, alcohol is no way
to cope with
I'm kidding. Let's get loaded.
All right.
I'll head over to my dad's cellar,
grab a super expensive bottle of wine
and we can sort through this together.
DAVID: I can stop whenever I want to!
Hurry.
Okay.
Quick.
Let's put the file back
and then we'll get the hell out of here.
(GASPS)
A dog.
Fortunately, somebody's caged
the polka-dotted hellhound.
It's locked.
There must be a key somewhere.
Oh, look. Oh.
(CHUCKLES): Oh. Oh, I bet you'd like
one of these, wouldn't you?
(LAUGHS)
Too bad.
(STATHOS LAUGHS)
No, I think I'm gonna wear white jeans.
Hide!
Okay, bye-bye.
(CHUCKLES, GASPS)
Dr. Crane!
What are you doing here?
- Did you leave something?
- (CHUCKLES)
Quite the contrary.
I just stopped by
to drop off some memorabilia
from my show.
Get way out of town and keep driving!
(BOTH LAUGH)
Is that what's, uh, behind your back?
FRASIER (CHUCKLING): No.
No, no, no. It's-it's right here.
It's, um
my (BREATHING HEAVILY)
first-edition Keats.
It was by my side during every episode.
Oh. Oh. (SNIFFS)
An old book.
Boy, what I would've given to
see your show live. (CHUCKLES)
Well, um
why don't we do a session r-right here?
Here, here, here. Come. Come. Sit down.
Right here. Facing away from the desk!
You want to initiate therapy
without PCP referral
and proper intake forms?
- Hot damn!
- (LAUGHS)
I am not turning down a session
with the Frasier Crane!
- What, am I crazy?
- (CHUCKLING)
Well, there's one way to find out.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Um, now,
let's begin by opening things up.
STATHOS: Okay.
Tell me about your childhood.
What is your first memory?
Um, I'm on a farm in North Carolina,
swinging under an old apple tree.
- No!
- Oh.
Yeah, wait. Come to think of it,
yeah, it was a peach tree.
- No!
- (GASPS) It was fig.
Oh, you're good.
- Mm. Yes. All right, fine.
- (LAUGHS)
Let's examine why
this is your first memory.
Uh, there must be a key
somewhere.
Oh, right. Like the keys here in my bag.
- All right.
- Hmm.
Let's just close our eyes.
Just you, Doc.
(MOUTHING)
Now, who's there with you?
Um, well, let's see.
There was someone
pushing me on the swing,
- but I can't quite see who it is.
- Uh-huh.
Uh, they're-they're
twisting me in the swing,
and I can't get a good look
at their face.
Can you untangle it?
Well, I'm trying.
Wait, wait. It's a kid!
A kid. All right, great.
Let's keep your eyes closed
- and let's move quickly now! And, uh
- Okay.
Tell me about the child.
STATHOS: The child.
Uh, uh, there's a child. I can
I can see the child's
I'm the child!
I'm pushing myself!
And I'm pushing myself higher
and higher!
- Axe!
- (EXHALES)
Axe. There must be some other
acts you can remember
from your childhood.
Look out!
And look inside.
Into your soul.
Go
deep into the cavern
of your subconscious.
STATHOS: Oh, my subconscious
looks so sad.
What the heck does that mean?
- FRASIER: I think I can help.
- Okay.
Just ask little Virginia
Ginny Sue!
FRASIER: Yes, ask
little Ginny Sue to to come here!
- Come here! Come on! Come on! Come on!
- Come here, Ginny Sue!
- Come on! Good girl, Ginny Sue!
- Come on.
- Come on. Good girl. Good girl.
- Come on.
- Good girl!
- Come on over here.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Good girl.
- (LAUGHING) I can see her!
- Come on, girl. Aw.
- And what is she saying to you?
- (CHUCKLES)
Oh, I can see her! (YELPS)
Oh! Sparky!
- How did you get out?
- (CHUCKLES)
You know, I think it's best
that I get going then.
Oh, no! Um
- Dr. Crane.
- Yes?
Oh, I-I'm really sorry
that I couldn't talk to you
about Freddy.
Oh, that's all right.
And I apologize for
putting you on the spot that way.
Thank you, Doctor.
(CHUCKLES)
But why won't he talk to me?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm
I'm happy he's getting therapy.
It's just
You just wish
he was getting it from you.
Yes. I've
I've dedicated my entire life
to helping other people, and
the one person who won't
accept my help is my own son.
Dr. Crane, if kids talked
to their parents,
we'd be out of business.
Mm. How do we know they're okay?
Well, we don't.
I mean, my daughter
never tells me anything.
It drives me crazy.
But I know she's got
a strong support system
- to lean on.
- Mm.
So we just hover in the background.
Yeah, like a pesky little hummingbird.
(CHUCKLING)
Not exactly what I wanted
to hear, but
- Thank you, Doc.
- No.
No, thank you.
I mean, my goodness
that was one of the best therapy
sessions I've had in ages.
I mean, I really connected
with my younger self.
If I may,
what did she say to you?
She said, "Daddy's death
wasn't your fault."
Well (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
That's very comforting.
"But the killer is still out there."
Okey-doke.
(CLEARS THROAT) Discman.
No story. Trash.
Ooh! His favorite concert T-shirt.
Went to a concert in Vermont,
got high as kites,
wandered naked into a nursing home.
Keep.
Do I know that story?
If you have to ask, then you don't.
Dinner is here.
- Hi, Dad.
- Thanks, Dr. Crane.
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT) Trash?
No, keep! Remember?
This is the cup he was holding
when he fell on the field
trying to catch a foul ball at Fenway.
Right. But it wasn't a foul ball,
the Sox ended up losing
and he got booed by everybody.
It was mostly you.
Yeah, well, we were on the jumbotron.
I had to distance myself.
(CHUCKLES)
You know, I was dreading
going through this box, but
I think it's exactly what
I needed today.
Me, too.
So, how are things with you two?
Good. Freddy's helping me
go through Adam's stuff.
Right.
Did Adam's stuff also include
an almost empty bottle of 2010
Quintessa cabernet sauvignon?
I'll get plates.
Listen, I know I'm not the first
person you want to talk to,
but you should know that
I'm always in the background,
hovering like a hummingbird.
Thanks.
Wait, what?
(STAMMERS, CHUCKLES)
It's just that, um
I'm glad that you and Eve
have each other to lean on.
- Hmm.
- I'm glad you two are okay.
We're all doing okay.
Most of us are doing okay.
("TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS" PLAYING)
FRASIER:
Y'all know how this goes.
Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪
Yeah, maybe.
But I got you pegged.
(CHUCKLES)
But I don't know what to do ♪
With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
Life's callin' again. ♪
Sweet dreams, Beantown!