Friends from College (2017) s02e04 Episode Script

[LISA CLEARS THROAT.]
If this is going to end with a bullet in my head, just tell me now.
[SAM CLEARS THROAT.]
Um When you got in touch before, I wasn't ready to have this conversation, but thanks for making the effort.
Of course.
I I I really wanted the chance to apologize, - and just to try to do - No.
I mean there's nothing, you can say.
Okay.
Uh, look, with Max's bachelor party coming up, Marianne thought it would be a good idea for me to sit down with you beforehand.
I'm I'm so glad that you reached out.
It'd be so much easier, if I never had to see you again, but that is not a reality, so I could kill myself.
[CHUCKLES.]
Obviously we're never going to be friends again, but we can be civil.
I'd like to be able to be in the same room without it being an issue for other people.
I actually wrote a letter that I'd really love the opportunity to - read to you.
- No.
You could - take it to go.
- No, thank you.
But I do want to ask you something.
Anything.
Remember that time, we all went to Killington, and we rented that ski-in ski-out house? Of course.
Yeah, the place with all the pewter stuff, - and the shag rug.
- Yes, right, that one.
That was really nice.
Yeah, I loved that trip.
But now I keep thinking about how you and Ethan stayed behind that one day, when we all went skiing.
Do you remember that? Kind of.
That whole trip is tainted for me now.
I'm sure you understand.
Absolutely.
You see, times that I thought were really happy weren't.
Turns out I didn't understand what was happening in my own life.
It makes me feel dumb, and it makes me feel sad.
Oh, well, For what it's worth.
Nothing happened on that trip.
Well, for what it's worth, I'll never believe another word you say.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS.]
This is crazy.
I know they're here somewhere.
You can buy me sunglasses at the airport.
Relax.
Look.
You and Lisa are going to be fine.
It's easy for you to say.
It was brutal.
I mean I deserved it, but it was brutal.
You know, I'm just glad that you and Lisa are taking the first step toward everything getting better Uh, there's no universe in which things get better between me and Lisa.
You never know.
Trust me.
I know.
Just going to lie low tonight and be human elevator music.
Is that why you're wearing full beige? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, you're really going to disappear in that thing.
Oh, almost didn't see you coming.
- Right? - Yeah.
Hello, gentlemen.
Do not say gentlemen.
- That's the grossest word.
- It is? Really? - Yes! - All right.
Hello players.
- See, gentlemen, much better.
- I was wrong.
You're right.
Thank you.
Where's Merrill Morgan? Couldn't make it.
I'm in the doghouse.
Really? I was kind of hoping she'd be here to keep you in check.
Gonna take a lot more than Merrill Morgan to tame this pony dog.
All right, yeah, get on there.
[BOTH MIMICKING HORSE NOISES.]
Get out of here, girl! - Get out of here.
- Save it, save it.
Save it for the bachelor party.
Save it for the bachelor party.
Why the "save it for the bachelor party"? You said it was going to be a co-ed classy affair.
- That was the theme? - Relax.
I mean, define classy, bro.
Guys, please! You know.
Felix and his friends are getting massages and having dinner at Eleven Madison Park? - Stop.
Okay.
- Max, relax, man.
This is going to be way better.
Trust me.
All right.
Just no strip clubs, okay? - I don't want that.
- Somebody's horned up.
He sure is.
I'm not horned up.
- I'm not horned up! - This guy cannot stop - talking about strippers.
- I know.
No, I'm saying I don't want to go to a club - and have like an oiled-up guy - Oiled-up? asking me where I'm from.
I'm sorry, you said oiled-up.
- That's horny.
- Yeah.
- Because that's what they do there.
- Was it like a muscled and chiseled guy? - Chiseled guys making small talk? - I'm turned off at the prospect - of going there.
- Understood.
- No strip clubs.
- No strip clubs.
Gross.
- Good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Alright.
Okay, here we go.
Hey, you can you can vouch his plan, right? 100 percent.
I mean I actually I have no idea what the plan is, but yes, absolutely.
Oh, shit! Really? You got a private jet? Yeah.
- What! - Gulfstream V, baby.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, man, Living the Gulfstream dream! Felix is going to lose his mind - when he sees these pictures.
- Guys, get together.
Say "private jet.
" G Five! Hey! This is insane! - Right? - Hey.
- Hello.
- Hi - Hi buddy, I'm so excited.
- Hello.
- How are you? - I'm good.
I'm so glad you could make it.
Oh, hey.
Hey.
- And thanks for having me, man! - Of course! I can't wait.
- Charley.
- Charley.
- Finding the Charley pad.
- Yeah, he is.
Making memories.
- Hey! - Hi.
Hi.
The last hurrah! - Hello.
Hello.
- Hello.
Hello.
Hello! - Hi.
- Hi.
Aw, this is so exciting! Okay! Oh, my God.
Alright.
Looks like everybody's here? Yeah, let's find a seat.
Buckle up.
Guys, what do you mean, um everyone's here? What about, like my friends from work and, uh, like childhood? I sent you a list.
I emailed you a whole bunch of names.
Don't look at me.
Marianne was in charge of the invites.
Okay, I thought it'd be way more fun to keep it small.
You know, spend quality time together.
Right, but I verbally invited all these people.
- Ah.
- My point, Nick, is that my best friend from first grade, he was planning on coming.
He blocked out the weekend.
He got a sitter.
- That was too bad.
- Mm.
Oh, well.
You snooze you lose.
But Nobody snoozed.
You snoozed.
- They just lost.
- Not really.
No.
He should've reached out.
He should've found out.
You never invited him! I'm gonna be your captain today and I'm gonna need you - to take your seats, please.
- Sure.
Are you Max? Ah, yes.
I'm going to have to ask you to buckle in good and tight because this ride is about to get bumpy.
[MAX.]
Oh, God.
Yeah! - Yes! - Oh, my God.
Nick, are you serious? Damn it! No.
God! I don't think that shirt was the right size.
I said no strippers! - You said no strip clubs! - I what? - Totally different.
- Oh my.
Sir.
Sir, what vibe am I giving off that says "come close to me"? Please.
Just please read my cues.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Please stop.
Please stop.
Thank you.
You've been so nice, and your mustache is great.
I just don't want you to be here anymore.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, how did it go? Oh, with Sam? Um, you know what? I think I think talking to her really helped.
Thank you for making me do that.
Yeah, we're both really grateful to you.
You know? I know it's a little awkward, but I'm so glad that you guys are here.
You know what? It actually hasn't been that awkward.
I'm having a really good time with everyone.
I never saw that coming.
But, um, what is up with Sam? She's keeping a low profile.
Well, that's just ridiculous.
We should all have fun tonight.
Um, excuse me.
Can we get another round of drinks? - To Max.
- To Max.
Yeah! You know what? - I could get used to this, Nick.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, Nick.
Tell us where we're going.
- It's time, seriously.
- Please.
Please, man.
- Yeah.
- Wouldn't it be more fun - just to touch down and look around? - Tell us.
- We want to know.
- May maybe.
Alright.
Fine.
I will spoil the surprise.
We are going to Atlantic City.
What up? Atlantic City? New Jersey? We're not really going to Atlantic City? Yeah.
[SHOUTS.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A.
C.
, baby.
- What's up? - No.
Boo! - Lame.
- That's the worst.
- Boo! - That sucks! What is wrong with A.
C.
, baby? - That's old school.
- Old school doesn't make it good.
You know what else is old school? Slavery.
You don't take a private jet for a 15-minute flight.
Yeah, we are.
Old school! It doesn't make a difference if it is old school.
It's horrible.
Why would you tell us to bring bathing suits? - What was that all about? - Dudes! Hot tubs.
Oh.
Gross.
Nobody wants to get in an Atlantic City hot tub.
Aw, you say that sober.
Atlantic City hot tubs? More like a yeast-infection broth.
Am I right, ladies? - Marianne! - Ooh, Marianne! Come on.
How great is this? Yeah.
Just uh I don't love casinos.
Really? I didn't know that.
You could've asked.
Not my style.
Careful.
We're being watched.
Obviously.
It's a casino.
They're watching everyone.
The two of us checking in together isn't a great look.
We're not checking in together.
We're just standing next to each other in a line awkwardly.
- And then we're gonna try - Just act normal, and nobody will be suspicious.
Suspicious of what? We haven't had any contact.
Except for that text.
Which you didn't respond to.
What would you want me to do? Send hearts? Maybe "thumbs up" or just you know, like a unicorn, or like, you know that an egg beater, a pizza slice - an emoji.
- Stop! Are you mad? No, I just I don't want to get all this started again.
[ETHAN SIGHS.]
One text? Like it's It's like with cookies, right? You take one bite and then you eat the whole box.
[ETHAN CHUCKLES.]
[ETHAN CLEARS THROAT.]
What? Eating box.
What are you, 14? Jesus.
- Adults muff-dive.
- [ETHAN LAUGHS.]
Stop.
Stop.
Seriously, I'm not here to have a good time.
Okay? - Okay.
Okay.
- Don't make me laugh.
- You're the one who said "muff-dive".
- Please stop.
All right.
Meet back here in an hour.
All right.
I got another big surprise on deck Oh, is this a surprise that we're going back to New York? That'd be the most amazing surprise.
That would be the best possible surprise.
No one would see that coming.
- That'd be a right? - Nick, please.
- Please can that be the surprise? - Where are we really staying? Oh, man, we're staying here for real.
Classy! High-end.
- Oh.
- This is amazing! - Yeah! - So the theme is like a This is classy.
- Like a bachelorette party, right? - Yeah.
I don't know if it were offensive or ironic.
You pick.
I like it, though.
Attention, please.
I would introduce you, but this man needs no introduction.
Uh I think he absolutely does.
Are you ser guys.
It's David Beckham.
[CHARLEY LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
Hi, I'm David Beckham.
I cannot wait to show you my town, Atlantic City.
I know who I'm fucking tonight.
- Let's see the abs.
- Exciting.
Thank you, guys.
It's very exciting to meet the fake version of someone that I literally have never once thought about.
Come on.
Really, - Why would I - Because he's a huge gay icon.
- Is he? - Yes! Big time.
Tell him.
Yeah, I have a massive homosexual following.
[ALL.]
Oh! - Now, it's true.
- I stand corrected.
He said it, so that makes it real.
- He told me.
- He said it.
- And now Yes.
- The fake version of him said it.
So, now, it's true.
You're right.
- That's my bad.
- So In your in your face.
Oh, man.
Guys.
Felix is doing a private tour of the MET right now.
Who cares? That sounds lovely.
Do museums have this? - I mean, come on.
- [ETHAN.]
Yeah.
- Do they have these Max? - They do not.
Look at this stuff.
Here.
Put the wig on.
Oh, my God, guys.
We have David Beckham, and now we have Victoria Beckham.
- Posh.
- [ETHAN.]
That's amazing! - [NICK.]
Wow.
- [MARIANNE.]
Oh, my God.
[ETHAN.]
No, it looks real.
It's good.
- That's it.
- Look at that.
That's it.
- Oh, my God.
- Unbelievable.
[ETHAN.]
Sam, it's amazing.
Hello, America.
Hello Atlantic City.
[MAX.]
Oh, my Gosh.
- [NICK.]
That was really good.
- [ETHAN.]
Perfect.
Thank you.
[ALL.]
Oh! Look at her.
[LISA.]
Ah, I got the tip.
My turn.
Hold on, wait a minute.
Oh, what a shot! [SAM.]
Yes! Are you having fun? This is really nice dinner, guys.
[ALL.]
Yeah! What do you recommend? The New York strip is very popular.
Okay, I'll have that.
Rare, please.
Thank you.
Um, we're actually out of the New York strip tonight.
Instead, may I offer you the New Jersey Strip? Oh, what's that? No! Dammit! I walked right into that shit.
Are you serious? Come on, man.
I said "no strippers", Nick.
No strippers! Sorry, I forgot about this one.
You think! this is the second stripper! Okay, I forgot! Oh, would you please turn off the music? This is bumming me out.
You want me to take my bum out? You know what I meant.
Please.
No the music is over.
Come on, man.
- Alright.
- Oh, my gosh.
Oh, don't take it personally, Tony.
Your ass is ripped.
- I know.
- Oh, he knows.
All right, I'm stuffed.
I have never had so much meat.
Really, I mean - Don't be gross.
- I don't know how or where to start with that.
- I'm very full with meat I'm saying.
- In the Atlantic strip.
[NICK.]
It's never happened before? Can I ask you.
Are you Victoria Beckham? Yes, it is.
And that's David Beckham.
I told you it was them! I am David Beckham.
That is me.
See.
I told you.
Huge gay icon.
Can we take a photo with both of you? Please, if we could.
- Come on, do it, Posh! - Come on, Victoria.
- Okay.
Sure.
- It'll be so fast.
Thank you.
Get over here, fancy boy.
Oh, no, no, no.
I think you guys have it covered.
- No, no, no.
You have to.
- You want him in.
You really need this guy.
- This is our manager.
- Oh, your-oh, wow.
That's right, Manager.
Nigel McCartney.
No relation.
- Wow.
- Hello, Nigel.
- Hi.
- That's right.
So I guess Nigel's Australian.
What a ride it has been, aye, Vic.
[ALL LAUGH.]
- Amazing! Amazing.
- Can you take our picture? I'm freaking out.
Thank you so much.
- Okay.
- Everyone, do Posh face.
- Alright.
There you go.
- One more where I kiss the Mrs.
? No.
Okay, look.
Posh, over here.
- You're my queen, Posh! - Yes.
You guys are King and Queen.
This is ridiculous.
They don't even look like them.
Who cares? This is fun.
We love you, Posh! [LISA.]
Why are you encouraging her? What? I thought you wanted her to have fun.
Yeah, within reason.
She's having the best night of fucking life.
- Posh, over here.
- Over here.
Look down.
- Okay.
- Peace sign.
Girl power.
- Yeah, peace it.
- Hello, hello.
It's me, Baby Spice.
Let's kick this party into high gear.
Woo! A-zig-a-zig-ah! A-zig-a-zig-ah! Oh, look, it's my favorite bird, Baby Spice.
You're not Baby Spice.
- You don't have bangs.
- Okay, well, guess what? Posh was already taken, even though I clearly look more like her.
So Oh, I mean look, you can totally be Posh.
I don't want to be Posh.
- I'm Baby Spice.
- Hold up.
Two Poshes.
I like that idea.
You know what? This is so dumb.
This is so dumb.
I mean, who gives a shit about the Spice Girls anyway.
This is let's do something fun.
Okay? Come on, Beckham.
Let's do something fun.
Come on.
Come on, Charley.
[CHARLEY.]
What are we doing? Are we gonna do something fun.
- Guys, what are we doing? - You almost won that elephant.
- That was fun.
- [LISA.]
Guys.
Oh, my God.
We should totally do that.
That looks like so much fun.
I don't know.
- I just ate like a ton of steaks.
- I get really car sick.
I wish I could, but I'm not going to - under any circumstances.
- Oh, come on.
- Charley and I are going to do it.
- Yeah.
Oh, re okay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
- Yep.
- Oh, God.
Oh, man.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
This is the worst part.
because we're just waiting for it to happen.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
[LISA LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
You did it, babe.
[CHUCKLES.]
See.
- I knew you had it in you.
- Oh, my God.
Easy.
Easy.
What were you afraid of? - Scary.
- No! Oh, look, You just get this beautiful view.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
[LISA.]
Oh, shoot.
Charley, are you okay? You want like a like a Ginger Ale or MRI? I had no idea that you were out cold the entire time.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Must've been like the you know, the positive and negative G forces, one right after the other? - I feel great now though, guys.
- No.
Totally.
Just to make sure though.
Who's the President? [ALL LAUGH.]
[CHARLEY LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY.]
Oh, involuntary physical reactions are hilarious, guys.
I really like having a traumatic experience, and having you guys all mock me to my face.
Thanks guys.
You're the best.
Come on, Lisa.
Let's go.
- [ETHAN.]
Whoa! - Oh, my God, Charley! - No, no.
- Yeah! - Oh, shit! - [ALL CHEER.]
Oh, shit! [MAX.]
Charley, that was amazing! [ETHAN.]
Okay, well played.
Bravo.
Bravo.
That was good.
[DEALER.]
Seven out.
Right away.
- I just lost so much money so fast, guys.
- In the line.
I hate casinos.
- This is a disaster.
- Here.
Honestly, no more gambling.
- I can't do it.
- [DEALER.]
Let's come get some.
Here.
Here.
Come on, ta take it.
Put it on the pass line.
No, I don't want your money.
- I don't want your money, Nick.
- No, take it.
He's trying to apologize.
Look.
I just thought it would be fun to lowbrow it.
Your next bachelor party like way classier.
I promise.
Come on, come on.
[DEALER.]
Sir, they're your dice.
Yeah, well, I can't I can't roll the dice.
I'm like ice cold.
But this is your party.
You should you should you should roll.
- Sam, would you do it for me, please? - Are you sure? Yeah, why I mean, I'd rather have Posh - take over my bet.
- Oh-oh.
Posh.
- Posh.
- Let's do it Posh.
Posh, Posh.
Posh, Posh.
All right.
Maybe we got to spice it up.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Blow me, Beckham.
Here we go.
Okay.
- [DEALER.]
Seven.
Winner's Circle.
- Yes! Made it.
I didn't lose my money.
I'm getting more money? - There you go.
- I'm getting more money! Blow me, Becksy.
[ALL CHEER.]
- Everybody ready? - Yes.
- Yes! - [ALL.]
Spice it up! [ALL CHEER.]
Oh, my God! We're gonna roll again, I guess! [DEALER.]
Winner! Wait.
- No way! - Yes! [ETHAN.]
Go.
Go.
Go! Go Right.
Go.
We've got to spice it up! - Can you blow me, Becksy.
- Pack it up! - Oh, shit.
- Give me.
Let it let! - Why did she do that? - My God.
Made it rain.
Making it rain.
Nice form there.
I'll I'll get 'em.
I'll get 'em! Wow, why did you do that? Thank God you're here.
Some lady threw dice.
I think she, um - she's went that way.
- That way.
Either way.
Okay, I'm going.
I'm going.
Get you out of here.
Don't you can't touch me.
You're not allowed to touch Stop.
I got you.
- Jesus Christ.
- Sorry.
We're sorry.
- Lis.
Hey.
Hey.
Lis.
- You messed with the wrong lawyer, sir.
It's been a long night, you know.
Maybe we should just go back to the room.
I don't want to go back to the room, Charley, I want to keep having fun with my friends.
I kind of think that ship has sailed.
At least for tonight.
No, Charley, I don't want to go back to the room, Okay? Just because she steals my husband doesn't mean she gets to steal my friends, too.
Okay.
I don't think that's what's happening here.
Hey guys.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened.
I know this is Max's night.
And I I don't want to ruin it.
It's okay, Baby Spice.
I can't help it.
I'm just a baby, you know.
- No, no, no, everyone - You're just a baby.
- Everyone loves you, Baby Spice.
- Totally fine.
Just a wee little baby.
Your brain is not developed yet.
You don't know any better.
Guys! $6,800! We can get a lot of salt water taffy with this money.
- Do you see this? - Yeah! We did good.
- Is that what you want? - Taffy, guys.
I want all the taffy! Uh! Oh! The banana flavor is gross.
I'll have it.
They're my favorite.
- Here you go.
- Oh! - Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
You know what? When you're facing this way, Atlantic City is kind of pretty.
Felix I bet Felix went to bed before midnight.
This is nice, guys.
Thank you.
Ooh, I think I see a used condom.
Right there in front of you, Nick.
Sex on the beach! So romantic.
Oh, God.
I think I just swallowed a filling with my taffy.
Charley.
- Should he be sleeping? - Yeah, let him sleep that off.
The best thing you can do for a concussion.
- I don't I don't think so.
- Yeah.
- I think you're not supposed to sleep? - No, it's good for you.
It's okay.
Charley.
Hey Lisa's boyfriend, wake up.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I was just seeing how you're doing.
Uh-huh.
No, seriously, I'm just checking up on you.
I'm fine.
- Good.
- More tired than anything.
Cool.
Okay.
Lisa obviously has some unresolved anger towards Victoria Beckham.
[ETHAN CHUCKLES.]
Well, you did make a pretty hot Mrs.
Beckham.
Well, you've got a thing for married women.
Not anymore.
Goodnight.