Futurama s02e04 Episode Script

Honey unit, I'm home! Monique! Gunculon! I wish I could believe that.
You're my half-brother, but there's no|law against killing the other half! All My Circuits will return|after a word from Slurm.
It's addictive! Look! It's Slurms McKenzie.
He's the original party worm! Ooh.
Whammy-wham-wham-wazzle.
|Let's party! Look at him go! Who says|there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes! You can win|a chance to party with me at the bottling plant on Wormulon.
Look for the golden bottle cap|inside cans of Slurm.
I won! Odds are mathematically insignificant.
I like those odds.
Rats! Just another tooth.
Ahh.
Fry & the Slurm Factory I gotta find that golden bottle cap.
I've never seen anyone so addicted.
This is nothing.
In school,|I drank 100 cans of cola a week.
Right up until my third heart attack.
- Bender, what's wrong?|- I'm sick.
You poor baby.
Let me check|if you have a fever.
Ow! According to his temperature gauge,|which you should use next time he's running a fever|of 900 degrees.
Bender, mon, lie yourself down.
You're paying for that.
I'll have a look, but I'm|an expert on humans, not robots.
I'm not Bender.
I'm Fry.
- I thought you were the robot.
|- Nope.
Human.
All right.
Spare me your life story.
What's the trouble? My tummy hurts, and I'm having|this burning electrical discharge.
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
|Oh, boy.
I couldn't tell him.
|It's fin fungus.
He'll be floating upside down|by morning.
You should try homeopathic|medicine like zinc.
- I'm 40o/o zinc.
|- Then Echinacea or St.
John's wort.
Or a big fat placebo.
|It's all the same crap.
What's rattling around in there? It may be the cause of his illness.
But, more importantly, it's a reason|to try out my latest invention.
To the laboratory! I call this the F-ray.
It's an x-ray that lets you see|through anything, even metal.
The neutrino beam it emits|is dangerous so you'll all need|protective goggles.
Huh? You may feel a slight stinging|sensation.
All of you.
Ah-ha! - That's the reason you're ill.
|- That's my watch.
I was wondering where I put that.
Now I feel much better.
|Thanks, professor.
And, Amy, I'm sorry I took your watch.
I'll take this suit|to the decontaminators.
You lock up the F-ray.
And for the love of God, don't|let it fall into the wrong hands.
- What should we point it at first?|- Try it on me.
Ow! My sperm! Neat.
Mind if I try that again? Didn't hurt that time.
Whoa, mama.
Hold still, sexy lady.
- What?|- That's no lady! One more upgrade and I'll|be more lady than you can handle.
Why are you so stupid? - Bite my shiny, metal ass.
|- You couldn't afford it, honey.
All this exposure to radiation|is making me thirsty.
If only we could know which|can had the winning bottle cap.
I didn't hear you.
I was using|this to look inside of things.
Wait a second.
I'm getting an idea.
No.
False alarm.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Wait.
No.
Yes! This stinks.
We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm|and all we won was this junk.
I never want to see another can|of Slurm again.
I'm thirsty! Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry!|You found the winning bottle cap! Hooray! Look at that.
Welcome to the planet Wormulon! I'm Glurmo, your guide to|the splendtacular Slurm factory.
Can we have our free Slurm? You'll have all you can drink when you're partying with my|good friend, Slurms McKenzie.
All right!|Whammy-wham-wham-wazzle! Lay some skin on me, dudes! The original party worm!|Are you ready to get funky with us? He better be.
|That's why we pay him, right? Right.
Slurms has to party all night|every night or he's fired.
Rock on.
Before the party, you're in|for a funderful treat.
A VIP tour of the Slurm factory.
Enjoy the tour, dudes! I'm gonna go lie down.
Welcome to the wondrous world|of whimsy that we call Slurm Centralized Industrial|Fabrication Unit.
Oh, my! Look, flowers! And a boat! Who are those|horrible orange creatures? Those are the Grunka Lunkas! - They work in the factory.
|- Tell them I hate them.
As we sail down the Slurm,|you'll see our mixologists at work.
They take 900|of the finest ingredients add some child-like delight and mix it with|glacial spring water from our spring water generator.
Then we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm|so deliciously addictive.
- What's the secret ingredient?|- Whatever you want it to be! - But what is it really?|- That's not for you to know.
Here the Grunka Lunkas are|inducing Wumpus berries to release their flavor,|using sensual massage.
Psst.
- Those berries are the secret, right?|- No.
- You positive?|- Yes.
- Because they look kind of secret.
|- Enough! - There will be no more questions.
|- Why? Hey, look! The disgusting little men|are starting to sing.
Grunka Lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka Lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's|On a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school|Is a great way to learn If you try that stuff here|You might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy|Face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again|To you folks So keep your head down|And keep your mouth shut Grunka Lunka Lunka dunkity dot I don't pay you to sing.
|You just used your bathroom break.
- Hard ass.
|- I heard that.
On your right,|you see the Slurm Master checking for color and bouquet.
So thirsty.
Then he tastes it.
|He tastes it and tastes it.
Then tastes it more.
Could I have some Slurm? No food or drink on the tour.
Wait until you party|with Slurms McKenzie.
- When is that?|- Soon enough.
- That's not soon enough.
|- What's behind that door? - Nothing.
|- Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka Lunka dunkity dinkredient You should not ask|About secret ingredient Okay, we get the point.
I was curious about the guards.
- Grunka Lunka dunkity darned guards-|- Shut up.
I could fire my staff and hire|Grunka Lunkas at half the cost? That's right.
|They don't have a good union.
They're like slaves.
What are you doing? I'm thirsty.
Grab my feet|and dunk my head in.
No.
That's moronic.
Fine.
I'll swim around|and drink as much as I want.
Help! I can't swim! Why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.
|I just wanted to be popular.
Ow! Where are we? And why is Slurm|pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm.
Something's rotten on Wormulon.
Look.
This is all about|the secret ingredient.
My God, what if the secret ingredient|is people? There's already a soda like that.
|Soylent Cola.
- How is it?|- It varies from person to person.
Do you have anything looser|around the thorax? Yes, over in- Weren't there more people|at the start of the tour? Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.
If you'll excuse me.
Quick! Phew.
Look! Slurm! Finally! I'm never going 12 minutes|without a Slurm again.
This must be where they|put in the secret ingredient.
Whatever it is,|it's even better fresh.
Still warm.
- Oh!|- Ick! Lordy! Fry! Phew.
Fry! That's the secret ingredient? - That's the only ingredient of Slurm.
|- Ew! I'll save us! Oh, that feels good.
Thanks, Bender.
The exit! We made it.
Your Majesty, I brought the prisoners.
Well, my friends, you learned|the secret of Slurm.
That concludes the part|where you're alive.
You wish, you slimy worm.
Good work.
|You have pleased your queen.
- Thanks, Your Majesty.
|- Thanks.
People are drinking something|from your behind? It's gross.
Is it? Honey comes|from a bee's behind.
Milk is from a cow's behind.
|Do you use toothpaste? - Whose behind is that?|- I won't say.
We came to party with Slurms McKenzie.
- By the way, when is that scheduled?|- Never! To the torture cave! You, my metal friend will have the honor|of becoming 174 Slurm cans.
This trip is a big letdown.
You will be submerged|in royal Slurm which will turn you|into a Slurm queen like myself.
But she's a commoner.
|Her Slurm will taste foul.
Yes! Which is why|we'll market it as New Slurm.
When everyone hates it we'll bring back Slurm Classic|and make billions.
- What about me?|- You're free to go.
- Yes!|- If you can resist this SuperSlurm.
It's so delicious,|you'll eat until you explode.
Which reminds me, put a tarp|over that sofa.
Bon appétit.
Mmm.
Farewell.
And congratulations again|on winning the contest.
Fry, untie us! Here I come! Let me just-|One more taste.
You pig! Stop stuffing|your craw and save us! - I can't see.
Are we boned?|- Yeah, we're boned.
I can't stop eating|this delicious ooze.
But I won't let you die.
Hurry!|What's happening? Phew.
Just in time! No! I could fit if I didn't|have these damn arms.
We're close.
I can smell|those orange guys.
- Stop right there!|Slurms McKenzie! - Take me with you.
|- Say what? I'm partied out.
All I want|is to stay home and rent videos.
- Is that so much to ask?|- Forget it! This says you have to party with us.
All right! But not too many people.
|I want to keep it small.
No can do, Slurms.
This way! - She's gaining on us!|- I'll hold her off.
But she'll crush you like a worm.
|A smaller worm.
It's all right.
I'm so tired of partying.
|So very tired.
I'll save you the only way I know how.
|By partying! - Babes?|- Mr.
McKenzie? You've served me well.
|But this time, I party alone.
- But-|- There'll be other parties.
Now go! Go! Party on, Slurms.
Party on, contest winners.
Party on.
No! We're ruined.
They know our disgusting secret! My crew has made|a horrific discovery.
It seems that Slurm is produced|in a colossal worm hiney.
Hiney, you say.
|With your testimony we can finally outla w|this insidious Slurm.
Outlaw Slurm?|Don't pay any attention to him.
Grandpa's making up stories again.
I'm not your grandpa.
|You're my uncle from the year 2000.
Okay, Grandpa.
We'll take care of the bad worms,|don't you worry.
I wish Slurms McKenzie|were here to enjoy this.
Yeah, he sure loved to party.
How about we all party|one last time for him? - For Slurms.
|- For Slurms.
Hey, that's not that bad.
Mmm.