Gossip Girl s02e04 Episode Script
204 - The Ex-Files
(Gossip Girl) Gossip Girl Here--Your One And Only Source Into The Scandalous Lives Of Manhattan's Elite.
They Wanna Take Our Money? Not Yet, But They Have Frozen Our Accounts.
You Can Take Care Of This With My Help.
And What Would I Have To Do For You? (Nate) This Is So Messed Up.
(Catherine) Your Ex Dating My Stepson? Yes, It Is.
I Didn't Sign Up For Some Creepy Love Triangle With You And Someone's Mom! she gave me money You Have No Idi How I Feel About Nate And What I Would Do To Keep Him.
Do You Wanna Be With This Woman? No, I Wanna Be With You.
I Am Out For Good.
In Spite Of My Lowly, Unroyal Ways, Accept That I Have True Feelings For Rcus And That He Has Them For Me, Too.
Blair? Marcus! (Blair) No, I Knew It Was Him, But I Want You.
You Want My Title, Which Makes Me A Fool.
I Do Want You.
Then Show Me.
Well, I Was On A On--On A Date? Yeah, I Was Gonna Tell You Guys I've Been Dating.
We Keep Having This Same Fight.
I Can't Change Who I Am.
Me Neither.
When I Step Out Of Here, It's Over.
I Think It Was Already.
And Who Am I? That's A Secret I'll Never Tell.
You Know You Love Me.
µÚ þ¼¾µÚ4¼¯ ·Òë&У Ô: ʱ¼äÖá: (Gossip Girl) Wakey, Wakey, Upper East Siders.
Welcome To The First Day Of Senior Year And The Onset Of A New Social Dynasty.
The Big Question Is, With Serena Single And On Top Of The World, Will Constance Become The House Of Van Der Woodsen? I Can't Believe You Got Bart To Wear Flip-Flops.
I Can't Even Picture That.
It Was So Cute.
Every Time We'd Go For A Walk On The Beach.
I'd Catch Him Staring Down At His Feet.
(Laughs) (Laughs) Mom, It All Sounds So Romantic.
Are We Expecting More People? Well, Um, It Is Your First Day Of School, And I Was Trying To Be Motherly.
Mom, I Can't Believe You Didn't Wake Me Up When You Got Home Last Night.
I Feel Cheated.
Last Time, You Said You Felt Violated.
Welcome Home-- Say "Mom," And I Will Kill You In Your Sleep.
Decaf, Serena.
I Was Going To Say "Mrs.
Bass.
" Thank You, Charles.
Um, Bart Had To Fly To Beijing On Business, But He Sends His Best.
As He Has Done Since Kindergarten.
Okay.
Hello.
We Were Talking Romantic Getaway, Walking On The Beach.
Details.
I Could Stay Home, And Then We Could Go To Lunch Together.
Stay Home? It's Your First Day Of-- Serena And Dan Broke Up.
Tragic, If Not Entirely Unprecedented.
Not Without An Upside.
Humphrey Was Holding You Back.
You're A Born Queen.
This Is Your Ymcr To Rule.
Why Fight It? Because I Don't Want It, Okay? Being Queen Is Blair's Whole Thing.
Plus, If She Needs A Eunuch, She Knows Where To Look.
You May Feel Differently When The Trumpets Call.
Grab The O.
J.
There's Champagne In The Limo.
He--He's Kidding I Think.
Well, So You Broke Up.
I Didn't Even Know You Two Were Back Together.
Yeah.
Are You Okay? No, But I Will Be I Hope.
I Don't Know.
Having To See Him Every Day, It's--It's Gonna Be Really Hard.
Well, You Know What? Every Day Gets A Little Bit Easier.
Yeah.
It'll Be Fine, Right? Of Coqrse It Will.
I Mean, We--We Broke Up Amicably.
No One Cheated.
No One Screamed.
You've Got Nothing To Worry About.
Of Course, I Don't Know What The Post Breakup Protocol Is These Days.
Yeah, Like She Gets The Courtyard Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, And I Get Supervised Visits With The Library Every Other Weekend.
You Know, Be Honest With Where You're Both At.
Just Do That, Okay? And The Deflection Through Sarcasm Thing You Might Want To Put On The Back Burner For A While.
I, Uh, I Heard Your Friend Sneak Out Early This Morning.
Clare, Is It? Come On.
High Heels, Concrete Loft-- Not The Blueprint For A-A Stealthy Getaway.
Sorry.
Uh, Back Burner Starting Now.
How Are Tings Going Anyway? Uh, It's Early, So Let's Keep Thibetween Us, Okay? Hey.
You Look Great, Sweetie.
Excited For The Big First Day? Dad, How, Uh, Set Are You On This Whole Going-To-School Thing? Pretty Set.
Why? The First Day Of School Is Draft Day.
Blair And Her Merry Band Of Psychos Are Gonna Be On The Tear.
They Categorize Girls Into Two Groups-- Projects And Victims.
Girls With The Potential To Become Little Mini Blair-Ites Become Projects And Total Losers, And The Girls Who Have The Potential To Threaten Social Order Become Victims.
I Was A Project Last Year, And We All Know How That Turned Out.
What? Did You Understand Any Of That? I-I'm So Glad I'm Not A Girl.
Melissa Murphy, Junior.
Let's See Here.
Let's See Here.
A.
P.
Scores Good Decent Charity Work Young Women Of The American Ballet Theater Season Passes To The Knicks? My Dad's The Team Doctor.
Where Did You Say You Summered Again? The Adirondacks.
We'll Be In Touch.
* And Ain't Nobody Gotta Cry Today * So You're Basically Using Blair's 73stem To Screen Potential Dates? Think Of It As An Early Application Process.
So Many Slots On The Chuck Bass Social Calendar.
It'll Save Me A Ton Of Time.
It Seems A Bit Impersonal.
Thank You.
(Scoffs) Are Those Last Season's Tory Burch Flats? I Got Them On Sale? * We're Gonna Have A Good Day * And All My Homies Gonna Ride Today * * And All These Mommies Look Fly Today* * And All We Wanna Do Is Get By Today * * Hey, We're Gonna Have A Good Day * * And Ain't Nobody Gotta Cry Today * * 'Cause Ain't Nobody Nna Die Today * Mm.
I Don't Think I Should * Hey, We're Gonna Have A Good Day * What Is Wrong With Me? And My Brother Goes To Dalton.
Lacrosse Captain.
Cute Friends.
* Hey, We're Gonna Have A Good Day * Lunch.
1:00 Sharp.
Every Year The Projects Pile Shrinks While The Victims Pile I Blame The Voucher System.
It's Like The Government Doesn't Even Care.
Last Minute Transfer.
I Thought You Should Be Up-To-Date.
Dates Will Not Be My Problem This Year.
Thanks To Your Little Performance Last Week, The Hrd And I Are Better Than Ever.
Now If You'll Excuse Me I Have To Find Serena.
Vanessa, Hey.
Wait Up.
Nate, What Are You Doing Here? Uh, You Haven't Returned My Phone Calls.
I've Been Busy.
No, Wait.
Just Hold On For A Second.
You Crash The Party And You Tell Me To Break It Off With Catherine And Then You Pull An 180 And You Tell Me To Stay With Her And Then You Just Bolt.
I-I Mean, Did I Do Something, Or--Or What Happened? I'm Late.
Whoa, Whoa.
So--So That's It? I Mean, We're Not Even Friends Now? We Were Never Really Friends, Nate.
You'd Be The Worst P.
I.
Ever.
Well, I Don't Want To Be Caught Off Guard.
I'm So Surprised I Haven't Seen Her.
Yeah, Especially 'Cause You're In The Girls HallwayLooking For Her.
Just Be Nice.
I'm Sure This Isn't Easy For Serena Either.
Yeah.
It Was--It Was Like I Didn't Even Exist.
Mm.
Welcome To My World.
It's Not So Bad Once You Get Used To Birds Flying Into Your Head And Automatic Doors Never Opening.
Yeah.
Well, I Guess It's Better To Be Ignored Than Tortured, Right? Well, There's Looking On The Bright Side.
Uh, You Know What? I Should Head To My Side Of The Building.
Good Luck.
Oh! Oh, I'm Sorry, Man.
Sorry.
Oh, God.
I'm--I'm So Sorry.
Let Me Get Those For You.
Oh, Thanks.
Amanda.
I Just Transferred In.
I'm Dan.
I-I Just Assaulted You.
Welcome.
I Just Hid There.
How Pathetic Is That? No, Don't Answer That.
Breakups Are Easy.
It's Having To See Them Date Someone Alse That's Hard.
Why Do You Think I Rub It In Chuck's Face Every Chance I Get? A Twisted Version Of Foreplay? Ignoring You.
You're, Uh, You're Reading The New Harris Novel.
Have You Ever Read Him? Read Him, I've Listened To Him, I've Fetched Him His Morning Irish Coffee.
I Interned For Him This Summer.
The Point Is, Whoever Dates First Wins.
And With Your Ex Being Dan Humphrey, You Win By Default.
Looks Like Humphrey Defied Our Great Expectations And Waldorf's Rules O Order.
Daring To Date Before Serena? It's Only A Matter Of Time Before It's Off With His Head Or Hers.
(Nelly) The File Is Sketchy.
She Just Transferred In.
Her Father's With The U.
N.
, She's Traveled The World, She Won The Short Fiction Award At Her Last School.
Blair, Do You Mind? S.
, This Girl Is Dan With Boobs.
Do You Really Want To See Them Read Together All Year? Move Her To The Front Of The Line.
Look, I Appreciate It, But You're Making Way Too Big A Deal Out Of This.
So He Was Talking To Someone.
So What? It--It--It Doesn't Mean Anytng.
I'm Fine.
She's Not Fine.
Call Her A Person Of Interest.
What A Lovely Little Gallery.
What Are You Doing Here? I Know Nate Paid You A Visit This Morning, And I Just Wanted To Thank You, You, Show My Appreciation For Respecting Our Agreement.
Great.
You Can Show Me By Leaving.
See, I Was Thinking Something A Little More Tangible.
What Is This? Open It And See.
Unbelievable.
You Really Think That Hey.
Hey.
I-I Just, Uh I Waved.
I Was Wondering When I'd Bump Into You.
Mm.
Yeah.
So How's Your, Uh, How's Your First Day Going? Or Something Slightly Less Clich? Good.
Uh, Yeah.
School's School.
School.
Wow.
Wow.
This Is Yeah, I Know.
You Know, I-I've Been Really Nervous About Seeing You All Week.
In Fact, I Still Am.
You Were? Yeah.
You Are? Uh, L-Look, Why Don't We Just Fast-Forward Past All This-- This Weirdness And Be Friends? That Sounds So Good.
Yeah.
You Know What? What Are You Doing For Lunch Today? Friends Eat Lunch Together, Right? They--You're Right.
They Do.
Uh, The Thing Is, I-- Dan.
Hey.
Uh, Amanda, This Is Serena.
Amanda's New, So I Sort Of Already Asked Her If She, Uh Right.
Great.
Well Um Welcome.
I Hope You Have I'll See You Later.
Who Would Have Thought(Sighs De eply)Humphrey Would Be The One To Move On First? They Look Very Sweet Together.
Did I Overhear Something About A Lunch? (Girl) Whoa! No Way.
You See "Gossip Girl"? Class Schedule.
New Girl.
Now.
Lily? Hello, Rufus.
What Are You Doing? I Had No Idea You Were Here.
How Was The Trip? How--How's Bart? Good.
Good.
Um, He's Still In Beijing.
On Business, You Know.
So What Brings You Down Here, Lily? Oh, I Just Thought It Would Be Nice To, Um, To Say Hello, Maybe Catch Up.
Actually I Wa On My Way Out.
Of Course.
I Should Have Called First.
You're Busy With Work And-- No, I Just "Repo Man" Is Playing At The Sunshine.
You Know How I Love My Harry Dean Stanton.
Playing Hooky? Yeah, Don't Tell Anyone.
Not If You Take Me With You.
You Want To Go To "Repo Man"? Yeah.
As I Recall, We Went To "Repo Man" Once, And You Walked Out.
Well, That Was 20 Years Ago.
And You Stole My Soda.]
Well, I'll Buy You Another.
All Right.
Let's Go To "Repo Man.
" Hi.
My Name's Blair.
You're New.
Hi.
I'm Aman-- Oh, That's Not Important.
We'd Like To Invite You To Lunch.
That's Really Sweet, But I'm Already-- We Know.
Dan Humphrey--Bad Idea.
It Could Be Hazardous To Your Health-- Social, Emotional.
Even Physical.
Ouch! Besides, Boyfriends Are So Much Less Reliable Than Girlfriends.
We Look Out For Each Other.
What Do You Say? (Serena) Blair? What's Going On? This Is Amanda.
She'll Be Joining Us For Lunch.
Blair.
It's For Your Own Good, S.
They Were Going To Lunch Together-- Lunch, As In The Meal Before Dating.
Is That What You Want? Exactly.
Would You Grab My Stick? I Seemed To Have Dropped It.
Lady Catherine Is Unavailable.
Would You Care To Leave A Message? If I Could Just Leave This For Her, I'm Sure She'll Get It.
(Phone Rings) Can I Just Very Well.
She's Not Coming--Amanda.
What Are You Talking About? She Met Some New Friends.
To Her For Lunch.
Hockey Sticks Were Involved.
You Know How Persuasive Our Girls Can Be.
Okay, But Why? She'll Be Bound By Their Laws.
Namely, She Won't Be Allowed To Date Ex-Boyfriends.
Namely You.
No, Serena Wouldn't Do That.
Prove Me Wrong.
Vanessa.
Hey.
This Is Wrong.
Eating Here? I Know, But The Met Steps Are Totally Under Construction.
No, Blair, I Mean Amanda? Amanda, We Have A Few Ground Rules Here.
For Lunch? Now That We're All Friends, You Should Know That Dating Someone's Ex Is Frowned Upon.
For Instance, Serena And Dan Used To-- Oh.
I Didn't Know.
Of Course You Didn't.
That's What Friends Are For.
But Now That You Know You Understand.
Pretty Sure, Yeah.
Pretty Sure? Uh, Hey, Amanda, Would You Mind Getting Some Gelato? There's A-A Cart Right Out There On The Street.
My Treat.
I Don't Like This, B.
, And I'm Not Gonna Do It, Okay? I'm Gonna Go Find Dan And Apologize.
It's For Your Own Good, S.
So This Is Yeah.
And They Were About To-- That's Before Kickoff, But Yep.
God, Why Can't I Look Away? Seriously.
Uh, So What Are You Gonna About Nate? Are You Gonna Tell Him? How Can I? He Would Most Likely Freak Out.
Oh, There's No Question About That.
And I Can't Confront Catherine Because The Butler Will Remember Me And-- And She'll Drop The Dime On The Captain.
Sorry.
That's The Only Chance I'll Ever Get To Talk Like That.
How Can I Use This To Get Nate Off The Hook? I Mean, What Do I Do? Well, You're-- You're Not Gonna Like It.
Blair.
Blair? I Can't Trust Blair.
Well, Maybe Not, But Google "Revenge," You Get Blairwaldorf.
Com.
Look, She--She Helped Me With Georgina.
She'll Know What To Do, And When She Sees This Photo, She Will Be Plenty Motivated To Do It.
So I Have To Show This To Blair? Yeah.
I Mean, I'd Wear Protective Padding When You Do It, But--But Yeah.
Look, V.
I Gotta Go.
There's This Thing With Serena.
Everything Okay? Um Yeah, Well, We'll See.
Dan.
Hey.
I Want To Apologize.
And That Answers My Question.
Look, Blair Invited Her To Lunch, Not Me.
But You Were There At Lunch.
Yeah, But--But Then I Left, And I Told Blair To Stop.
So You Were Part Of It, And Then You Had Second Thoughts? Dan, I'm Trying To Apologize.
Real 'Cause It Sounds Like You're Just Trying To Rationalize.
Look It's--It's Just--We Knew That This Would Be Awkward.
You Know? And I-I Just Assumed That It Would Be More Of A Sad Awkward, Not This Copetitive Awkward.
I-I Didn't Think You'd Enlist Backup.
Is That What You Think I'm Doing? Well, You Tell Mml If--If I Have Lunch With Someone Else Tomorrow, Are Blair's Minions Gonna Break Her Fingers? Just So You Know, If This Were A Competition, I Wouldn't Need Blair And Her Posse To Win.
Hey.
Hey.
Aren't You Supposed To Not Be Talking To Me, Or You'll Be Shunned Or Something? I Don't Like Bullies.
Oh.
So My Question-- What Are We Doing Tonight? I'm So Sorry, Blair.
Like I Said, Catherine Knows Where The Captain Is.
She Threatened To Expose Him If I Er Took Nate Away From Her.
But With This, I Was Hoping That You Might Be Able-- Who Else Knows? What? Who's Seen This? Dan.
Just Dan.
If You Or Humphrey Ever Breathe A Word Of This-- One Word To Anyone-- You'll Regret It For The Rest Of Your Lives.
Do You Understand? I Just Want Nate Free From Catherine.
I Don't Want Him Or Anyone Else Finding Out About This.
Good.
I'll Take Care Of It.
I'm Trusting You, Blair.
Like You Have A Choice.
So Are You Sure You Want To Eat Here? 'Cause This Is, Uh, I'm Thinking This Is Maybe Not A Great Idea.
Why? Everyone Comes Here.
Dan, It's Time To Send A Message.
I Am Not Sharing My Lump Crab.
(Penelope) Check It Out.
Is His Business.
But When He Brings His New Maiden To Court I Can't Believe He Brought Her Here.
It's A Declaration Of War.
Sound The Trumpets, Strumpets.
What Were You Thinking? Wh-- I-I Was Sleeping.
On "Gossip Girl.
" Oh, No, Her--Her Name's Amanda.
Oh, Her Name's Amanda.
Do You Have Any Idea What You're Doing? Not Only Is It Social Suicide, Dan, It's Mean.
Do You Really Think Serena Deserves To Be Treated Like This? Uh, No.
Look, She Started With This Girl Mafia.
Oh, Forget About Them.
You Need To Talk To Her.
Apologize Before It's Too Late.
Oh.
G--Chuck! Boundaries.
Get Out.
Good Morning To You, Too.
I Had Margaurite Make You Up A Little Something.
I Missed You At S.
T.
K.
Last Night.
Mom And I Had A Girls' Movie Night.
She Made Me Watch "Paris, Texas.
" She Kept Talking About How Amazing Harry Dean Stanton Was.
(Chuckles) Well, I Just Wanted To Make Sure You Got Your Breakfast And The Morning Headlines, Especially This One.
Vanessa? What Are You Doing Here? Believe It Or Not, I'm Looking For Blair.
Why? What Has She Done? Nothing That I Can Tell.
That's The Problem.
She Won't Return Any Of My Calls.
Is There Any Way You Can Find Out Where She Is? I Wouldn't Ask If It Wasn't Important.
Yeah.
Are You Lost? I'm Looking For Blair.
She Took The Morning Off.
She's Having Brunch At Centolire, But I'm Sure She Wouldn't Want To See You.
Well, Thanks.
Oh, Little J.
, Just Because We've Been Ignoring You Doesn't Mean We've Forgotten.
You Can't Hide Out At Eleanor Waldorf's Atelier Anymore.
Your Day Will Come.
We're Just Picking Our Moment.
Serena-- So This Is How You Want To Handle It, Using Anotr Girl To Embarrass Me In Front Of My Friends? Is That Your Idea Of Sending A Message, Dan? Well, That--That Phrase Might Have Been Used, But-- I Can't Believe You Would Do That.
Look, I Know, And I'm Sorry.
I Was Wrong.
Yes, You Were.
I Would Never Try To Humiliate You Like That.
No, But You Would Try To Coerce Girl Not Too Out With Me In The First Place.
Fine.
Tonight, The Three Of Us.
Okay.
What? Look, You're Gonna Date Other People, And I'm Gonna Date Other People.
We Can Either Let Everyone Else Tell Us How We Should Be Jealous And Compete, Or We Can Just Deal With It And Try To Preserve At Least A Little Of Our Friendship.
So Y, Me And Amanda Are Having A Date? I'd Rather You Not Put It That Way, But Yes.
Yeah, It's A Uh, 8:00.
Okay.
This Shouldn't Be Weird At All.
I-I Can't Wait For You To Join Us At MarkworthFor The Holidays-- Snow On The Grounds, Crackling Fire, Just The Two Of Us Under The Stars.
You Sure It Won't Be Awkward? Awkward? How? Juggling Two Women Under One Roof.
You Are Sleeping With Catherine, Right? Or Do You Prefer "Mom"? I Can Explain.
Hooking Up With Your Dad's Second Wife? (Scoffs) I Thought My Family Was Twisted, But You People Take The Cake.
It's Only Happened A Few Times, And I Put A Stop To It When I Met You.
I Really Opened Myself Up To You.
Can't--Can't We Still-- Oh, Please.
I Just Want To Get Through This Without Throwing Up In My Mouth.
Get Through What Exactly? I Got Your Message.
What's Going On Here? Take A Seat.
I Beg Your Pardon? Oh, No.
Not Yet But You Will.
What Do You Want? Let's Talk About Your Exit Strategy.
Lady Catherine Is Not In.
I'm Actually Looking To Speak To Her Husband.
There's Something He Needs To See.
Harris Hated Him.
He Called Rilke The Mitch Albom Of The 19th Century.
Rilke? Rainer Maria Rilke? "Letters To A Young Poet"? Yeah, I-I Gave It To Her, Actually, But She Never Read It.
Thoughn Her Defense, She Never Read "Tuesdays With Morrie" Either.
This Comparison Coming From A Man Who Does H Best Wring Sloshed At A Pub.
(Amanda) Harris.
Oh.
Uh, You Know What? I'm Gonna Go Get Another Glass.
Okay.
(Sighs) (Man) Another Soda? Belvedere Martini, Two Olives, Please.
Doing Okay, S.
? I Wille.
So Don't Be Mad, But We May Have Something That'll Cheer You Up.
Several Somethings, Actually.
Serena, This Is Jenns, Captain Of The Dalton Lacrosse Team.
Can I Buy You A Drink? Is Not Above A Little Romantic Retaliation.
It Turns Out Lonely Boy Is A Worthy Opponent, And It's Time For S.
To Bring In The Calvy.
?? This Guy Attacked In The Crease,Akes Left.
I Faked Left.
He Faked Right, Then I Faked Right, And Then Wham! Oh! Just Laid Him Out.
Wow.
Amazing.
Yeah, That Was A Fascinating Story.
It Was Much Better Than The One Where You Faked, Uh, Right And Then Left, And Then You Hit Him.
Dan's Not A Big Sports Fan.
(Jenns) Yeah, I Can See That.
Yeah, He Likes Poets And "Letter To Poets.
" I'm Gonna Use The Ladies Room.
You Know What? I Need Another Drink.
I'll Do This Again.
Okay.
Okay.
Smokin' Hot.
So Is This Your Great Peace Plan? You Invite Me Out So You Can Rub Lacrosse Guy In My Face? I Didn't Plan This.
Yeah.
Uh-Huh.
I'm Sure.
What? I Thought It Was Okay That We Date Other People.
Well, You--You Certainly Picked A Winner.
Well, He's Fun, Nonneurotic.
I Thought Thatould Be A Nice Change.
That's Classy, Serena.
Thanks.
Classy? Like You Asking Another Girl Out Our First Day Back At School? We Were Broken Up.
So What, Dan? It Hurt.
What Did Y Expect? I Loved You, And Just Because We Broke Up, Doesn't Mean I Can Just Turn It Off Like That.
All Right.
Um May-Maybe--Maybe We Should Stay Away From Each Other For A While.
Yeah, Yore Right.
You And Amanda Should Probably Go.
Are You Ordering Me To Leave? Consider It A Suggestion.
Why Should I Go, Dan? These Are My Friends Here, And It's Not Exactly Your Kind Of Place.
Fine.
Cashing Out So Soon, Humphrey? You Really Should Wear A Bell.
Kinky.
I'll Think About It.
I Hope You're Not Leaving.
You're About To See The Real Serena.
I've Seen Enough.
Not By Half.
Hey, Blair.
Um, What Was So ImportantThat We Couldn't Discuss Over The Phone? Well, I Have Some Good News And Some Bad News.
The Bad News Is That Your Girlfriend Catherine Is A Lying, Manipulating Whore Sleeping With Her Epson.
Whoa.
What Catherine And Marcus? I Know.
It's Hard To Picture.
I Have Photos If You'd Like To Take A Look.
I'm Sorry.
But The Good News Is That I Convinced Them Both To Leave Town.
Well, H-How Did You Even-- And That's Not Even The Best Part.
Catherine And I Made A Deal.
I Promised To Keep My Mouth Shut, And She Agreed To Pay Off The Captain's Restitution.
Congratulations, Archibald.
Welcome Back To Your Old Life.
Look, I-I Don't Know-- Wait.
Hold That Nonthought.
Catherine, Whatever It Is, Just Spare Me.
What Do You Mean? Vanessa Talked To The Duke? (Scoffs) No, I Told Her To Stay Out Of This.
Okay.
Maybe I Only Have Bad News.
Serena's Not Thinking Straight.
She's Making This About Dan.
It's The New Girl That Defied You.
What Would You Suggest? Ninth Grade, The Danish Exchange Student Who Kept Flirting With Your Junior Prom Date? You Still Remember How To Serve A Nair-Tini, Don't You? Lily, What-- What Are You Doing Here? Well, Serena And I Were Supposed To Have A Movie Night, But She Cancelled, So I Thought "Pretty In Pink.
" It's Only A Supporting Role, But Harry Dean Stanton Is Excellent.
It's 9:00 At Night.
Oh.
Well, I Guess I Should Have Called, But I Just Thought I'd Take A Chance-- Lily What Are You Doing Here? I Don't Know.
Bart Is Being Doing Business, As He Did Most Of Our Trip.
The Kids Are Living Their Own Lives, And My Life Is In An Empty House Or In A Crowded Restaurant, And I Don't Know Which One Makes Me Feel More Alone.
I Need A Friend, And That's Why I Came To See You Yesterday.
I'm Sorry, Lily.
I Really Am, But I Can't Be Your Friend.
Yesterday Reminded Me Of How Easy It Is To Fall Back Into Old Patterns.
I Can't Be Your Safety Net Anymore.
It's Not Fair.
You Made Your Choice To Be Mrs.
Bass.
You Need To Go Do That.
We Both Need You To Go Do That.
Rufus? Sorry I'm Late.
Hey.
Uh, Clare, This Is Lily.
Nice To Meet You.
Okay.
This Used To Be Your Favorite.
Nate, It's Vanessa Again.
Call Me As Soon As You Get This.
We Need To Talk.
It's Important.
What Did I Tell You? I Told You To Do Nothing.
What, Was That Too Difficult? I Thought I Would Leave Doing Nothing To You.
I Was Taking Care Of It.
How? By Having A Romantic Lunch With Your Boyfriend? You Know What I Think? I Think You Were So Scared Of Anyone Finding Out Who Your Boyfriend Was Screwin That You Were Willing To Screw Nate.
Catherine's Husband Promised That The Captain Would Be Safe.
It's Over.
You Know What I Think? I Think I'd Gotten Catherine To Agree To Pay Off The Archibald Debts And Leave Town In Exchange For My Silence.
Nate Was About To Have His Old Life Back Until You Went To The Duke.
He Put Them On A Plane To London An Hour Ago.
So You're Right.
It Is Over For Nate, Thanks To You.
(Isabel) Are You Really Going To Do This? (Penelope) Yes.
Why Should Serena Be The One Pulling Her Hair Out? Oopsy.
Look At What I've Done.
Oh, God.
My Hair! (Girl) What's Going On With That Girl? Amanda.
Hey.
Amanda, Wait! No, Dan.
Just Leave Me Alone.
Dan.
I'm So Sorry.
Is She Okay? No.
No, Don't.
D-Don't What? I Didn't Plan Any Of This.
It All--It All Just Happened.
That's The Serena Van Der Woodsen Mantra, Isn't It? No--No Fault, No Responsibility, Things Just Happen.
You Know, You Used To Tell Me That You Were Afraid That People Couldn't See The Real You.
Well, Maybe You're The One Who Can't See Yourself.
From--From Where I'm Standing, This Is Who You Are.
Is That What You Think Of Me? Spotted-- A Beautiful Blonde Phoenix From Now On, Everything Goes Through Me.
Welcome Back, Queen Serena.
Consider Us Your Humbled Servants, 'Cause If Looks Could Kill, We Wouldn't Want To Be Dan Humphrey.
Nate.
What Are You Doing Here? I Came To Apologize.
I Didn't Know What Blair Was Doingwith The Deal And The Money And You Think I Care About The Money? I Mean, I Asked You Point-Blank If Anything Was Wrong.
You Lied To Me.
I Had To.
I Didn't Know What To Do.
What, So You Confided In Dan? I Mean, Blair? R Everyone But Me.
I Gotta Get To School.
So That's It? We Can't Even Be Friends? Well, We Were Never Really Friends, Remember? Hey, Jenny.
What Are You Doing Here So Early? Trying To Avoid You.
Hard To Believe, I Know.
You Know What I Find Hard To Believe? This Handbag.
It Belongs In The Trash, Which Is Where You Probably Found It.
Don't.
Ohright.
There May Be Stuff In Here That You Need.
Here You Go.
Seriously? That's The Best You Guys Can Do? I Have To Say, I Was Pecting A Little More Now That You're Seniors.
Our Methods May Lack Imagination, But They're Very Effective Especially Over A Long Period Of Time.
Manda.
It's Me-E--Dan.
Dan Again.
Uh, Sorry To Be Calling You So Early.
Look, I'm--I'm Really Sorry About Last Night.
If It Matters At All, I Don't Think It Was Serena, Even Though I, Uh, I Blamed Her Pretty Harshly.
Uh, A-Anyway, Call Me.
Getting My Hair Burned Off Was Not A Part Of The Deal.
The Casualties Of War.
I Don't Get It.
You Wanted Me To Pretend To Like This Guy So He Could Make His Ex-Girlfriend Jealous? Jealousy Is A Powerful Emotion.
I Had To Create A Monster If I Was Going To Dethrone A Queen.
Why Do You Care Who's Queen Of The High School? I Hear You're Going To Boarding School In Vermont.
Something To Keep You Warm.
You Have The Day Off? What Holiday Is It? Uh, Women's Suffrage Day.
(Chuckles) So Why Are You Wearing Your Uniform? 'Cause I Forgot.
Anyway, It's Almost Fashion Week.
There Has To Be Something I Can Do.
Well, Uh, The Worktables Are A Mess.
Eleanor Can't Find Half Her Patterns.
Why Don't You Do That? Okay.
Blair, Where Were You Yesterday? I Was Home, Just Taking Care Of-- Serena! Where Are We Going Tonight? (Isabel) The Dalton Guys Keep Texting Us.
It Was A Feeding Frenzy Last Night.
Hey, I Left You Four Messages.
You Okay Yeah.
I-I Wasn't Feeling Well.
You Poor Thing.
I Actually Have To GetThe Assignments I Missed Yesterday.
Oh.
Of Course.
I'll See You Later.
Wel, Well, Look Who's Back On Top.
Wait.
Now That I Think Of It, I Know Exactly How That Happened.
* Brooklyn, We Go Hard, We On The Look For The Advantage * Hey.
Uh, Have You Seen Serena This Morning? * Rough It Up A Bit * We Broke, But We Rich At Heart * * It's Our Time, Put The Lights On Us * * War Tactics, They Make Me Sick * * So If You Know Another Way, You Can't Look The Other Way * * You Know Another Way * Tell Them So Right To Their Face * * We Think You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine * * We éHInk You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine * * We Think You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine * * We Think You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don Shine * * I Hear Them All Say That I've Got Heart * * But Not Everything Sorry, Lonely Boy.
Don't Say We Didn't Try To Warn You.
But If Queen S.
Will Do This To D.
, Are Any Of Us Safe? Bow Down Or Bow Out.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
They Wanna Take Our Money? Not Yet, But They Have Frozen Our Accounts.
You Can Take Care Of This With My Help.
And What Would I Have To Do For You? (Nate) This Is So Messed Up.
(Catherine) Your Ex Dating My Stepson? Yes, It Is.
I Didn't Sign Up For Some Creepy Love Triangle With You And Someone's Mom! she gave me money You Have No Idi How I Feel About Nate And What I Would Do To Keep Him.
Do You Wanna Be With This Woman? No, I Wanna Be With You.
I Am Out For Good.
In Spite Of My Lowly, Unroyal Ways, Accept That I Have True Feelings For Rcus And That He Has Them For Me, Too.
Blair? Marcus! (Blair) No, I Knew It Was Him, But I Want You.
You Want My Title, Which Makes Me A Fool.
I Do Want You.
Then Show Me.
Well, I Was On A On--On A Date? Yeah, I Was Gonna Tell You Guys I've Been Dating.
We Keep Having This Same Fight.
I Can't Change Who I Am.
Me Neither.
When I Step Out Of Here, It's Over.
I Think It Was Already.
And Who Am I? That's A Secret I'll Never Tell.
You Know You Love Me.
µÚ þ¼¾µÚ4¼¯ ·Òë&У Ô: ʱ¼äÖá: (Gossip Girl) Wakey, Wakey, Upper East Siders.
Welcome To The First Day Of Senior Year And The Onset Of A New Social Dynasty.
The Big Question Is, With Serena Single And On Top Of The World, Will Constance Become The House Of Van Der Woodsen? I Can't Believe You Got Bart To Wear Flip-Flops.
I Can't Even Picture That.
It Was So Cute.
Every Time We'd Go For A Walk On The Beach.
I'd Catch Him Staring Down At His Feet.
(Laughs) (Laughs) Mom, It All Sounds So Romantic.
Are We Expecting More People? Well, Um, It Is Your First Day Of School, And I Was Trying To Be Motherly.
Mom, I Can't Believe You Didn't Wake Me Up When You Got Home Last Night.
I Feel Cheated.
Last Time, You Said You Felt Violated.
Welcome Home-- Say "Mom," And I Will Kill You In Your Sleep.
Decaf, Serena.
I Was Going To Say "Mrs.
Bass.
" Thank You, Charles.
Um, Bart Had To Fly To Beijing On Business, But He Sends His Best.
As He Has Done Since Kindergarten.
Okay.
Hello.
We Were Talking Romantic Getaway, Walking On The Beach.
Details.
I Could Stay Home, And Then We Could Go To Lunch Together.
Stay Home? It's Your First Day Of-- Serena And Dan Broke Up.
Tragic, If Not Entirely Unprecedented.
Not Without An Upside.
Humphrey Was Holding You Back.
You're A Born Queen.
This Is Your Ymcr To Rule.
Why Fight It? Because I Don't Want It, Okay? Being Queen Is Blair's Whole Thing.
Plus, If She Needs A Eunuch, She Knows Where To Look.
You May Feel Differently When The Trumpets Call.
Grab The O.
J.
There's Champagne In The Limo.
He--He's Kidding I Think.
Well, So You Broke Up.
I Didn't Even Know You Two Were Back Together.
Yeah.
Are You Okay? No, But I Will Be I Hope.
I Don't Know.
Having To See Him Every Day, It's--It's Gonna Be Really Hard.
Well, You Know What? Every Day Gets A Little Bit Easier.
Yeah.
It'll Be Fine, Right? Of Coqrse It Will.
I Mean, We--We Broke Up Amicably.
No One Cheated.
No One Screamed.
You've Got Nothing To Worry About.
Of Course, I Don't Know What The Post Breakup Protocol Is These Days.
Yeah, Like She Gets The Courtyard Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, And I Get Supervised Visits With The Library Every Other Weekend.
You Know, Be Honest With Where You're Both At.
Just Do That, Okay? And The Deflection Through Sarcasm Thing You Might Want To Put On The Back Burner For A While.
I, Uh, I Heard Your Friend Sneak Out Early This Morning.
Clare, Is It? Come On.
High Heels, Concrete Loft-- Not The Blueprint For A-A Stealthy Getaway.
Sorry.
Uh, Back Burner Starting Now.
How Are Tings Going Anyway? Uh, It's Early, So Let's Keep Thibetween Us, Okay? Hey.
You Look Great, Sweetie.
Excited For The Big First Day? Dad, How, Uh, Set Are You On This Whole Going-To-School Thing? Pretty Set.
Why? The First Day Of School Is Draft Day.
Blair And Her Merry Band Of Psychos Are Gonna Be On The Tear.
They Categorize Girls Into Two Groups-- Projects And Victims.
Girls With The Potential To Become Little Mini Blair-Ites Become Projects And Total Losers, And The Girls Who Have The Potential To Threaten Social Order Become Victims.
I Was A Project Last Year, And We All Know How That Turned Out.
What? Did You Understand Any Of That? I-I'm So Glad I'm Not A Girl.
Melissa Murphy, Junior.
Let's See Here.
Let's See Here.
A.
P.
Scores Good Decent Charity Work Young Women Of The American Ballet Theater Season Passes To The Knicks? My Dad's The Team Doctor.
Where Did You Say You Summered Again? The Adirondacks.
We'll Be In Touch.
* And Ain't Nobody Gotta Cry Today * So You're Basically Using Blair's 73stem To Screen Potential Dates? Think Of It As An Early Application Process.
So Many Slots On The Chuck Bass Social Calendar.
It'll Save Me A Ton Of Time.
It Seems A Bit Impersonal.
Thank You.
(Scoffs) Are Those Last Season's Tory Burch Flats? I Got Them On Sale? * We're Gonna Have A Good Day * And All My Homies Gonna Ride Today * * And All These Mommies Look Fly Today* * And All We Wanna Do Is Get By Today * * Hey, We're Gonna Have A Good Day * * And Ain't Nobody Gotta Cry Today * * 'Cause Ain't Nobody Nna Die Today * Mm.
I Don't Think I Should * Hey, We're Gonna Have A Good Day * What Is Wrong With Me? And My Brother Goes To Dalton.
Lacrosse Captain.
Cute Friends.
* Hey, We're Gonna Have A Good Day * Lunch.
1:00 Sharp.
Every Year The Projects Pile Shrinks While The Victims Pile I Blame The Voucher System.
It's Like The Government Doesn't Even Care.
Last Minute Transfer.
I Thought You Should Be Up-To-Date.
Dates Will Not Be My Problem This Year.
Thanks To Your Little Performance Last Week, The Hrd And I Are Better Than Ever.
Now If You'll Excuse Me I Have To Find Serena.
Vanessa, Hey.
Wait Up.
Nate, What Are You Doing Here? Uh, You Haven't Returned My Phone Calls.
I've Been Busy.
No, Wait.
Just Hold On For A Second.
You Crash The Party And You Tell Me To Break It Off With Catherine And Then You Pull An 180 And You Tell Me To Stay With Her And Then You Just Bolt.
I-I Mean, Did I Do Something, Or--Or What Happened? I'm Late.
Whoa, Whoa.
So--So That's It? I Mean, We're Not Even Friends Now? We Were Never Really Friends, Nate.
You'd Be The Worst P.
I.
Ever.
Well, I Don't Want To Be Caught Off Guard.
I'm So Surprised I Haven't Seen Her.
Yeah, Especially 'Cause You're In The Girls HallwayLooking For Her.
Just Be Nice.
I'm Sure This Isn't Easy For Serena Either.
Yeah.
It Was--It Was Like I Didn't Even Exist.
Mm.
Welcome To My World.
It's Not So Bad Once You Get Used To Birds Flying Into Your Head And Automatic Doors Never Opening.
Yeah.
Well, I Guess It's Better To Be Ignored Than Tortured, Right? Well, There's Looking On The Bright Side.
Uh, You Know What? I Should Head To My Side Of The Building.
Good Luck.
Oh! Oh, I'm Sorry, Man.
Sorry.
Oh, God.
I'm--I'm So Sorry.
Let Me Get Those For You.
Oh, Thanks.
Amanda.
I Just Transferred In.
I'm Dan.
I-I Just Assaulted You.
Welcome.
I Just Hid There.
How Pathetic Is That? No, Don't Answer That.
Breakups Are Easy.
It's Having To See Them Date Someone Alse That's Hard.
Why Do You Think I Rub It In Chuck's Face Every Chance I Get? A Twisted Version Of Foreplay? Ignoring You.
You're, Uh, You're Reading The New Harris Novel.
Have You Ever Read Him? Read Him, I've Listened To Him, I've Fetched Him His Morning Irish Coffee.
I Interned For Him This Summer.
The Point Is, Whoever Dates First Wins.
And With Your Ex Being Dan Humphrey, You Win By Default.
Looks Like Humphrey Defied Our Great Expectations And Waldorf's Rules O Order.
Daring To Date Before Serena? It's Only A Matter Of Time Before It's Off With His Head Or Hers.
(Nelly) The File Is Sketchy.
She Just Transferred In.
Her Father's With The U.
N.
, She's Traveled The World, She Won The Short Fiction Award At Her Last School.
Blair, Do You Mind? S.
, This Girl Is Dan With Boobs.
Do You Really Want To See Them Read Together All Year? Move Her To The Front Of The Line.
Look, I Appreciate It, But You're Making Way Too Big A Deal Out Of This.
So He Was Talking To Someone.
So What? It--It--It Doesn't Mean Anytng.
I'm Fine.
She's Not Fine.
Call Her A Person Of Interest.
What A Lovely Little Gallery.
What Are You Doing Here? I Know Nate Paid You A Visit This Morning, And I Just Wanted To Thank You, You, Show My Appreciation For Respecting Our Agreement.
Great.
You Can Show Me By Leaving.
See, I Was Thinking Something A Little More Tangible.
What Is This? Open It And See.
Unbelievable.
You Really Think That Hey.
Hey.
I-I Just, Uh I Waved.
I Was Wondering When I'd Bump Into You.
Mm.
Yeah.
So How's Your, Uh, How's Your First Day Going? Or Something Slightly Less Clich? Good.
Uh, Yeah.
School's School.
School.
Wow.
Wow.
This Is Yeah, I Know.
You Know, I-I've Been Really Nervous About Seeing You All Week.
In Fact, I Still Am.
You Were? Yeah.
You Are? Uh, L-Look, Why Don't We Just Fast-Forward Past All This-- This Weirdness And Be Friends? That Sounds So Good.
Yeah.
You Know What? What Are You Doing For Lunch Today? Friends Eat Lunch Together, Right? They--You're Right.
They Do.
Uh, The Thing Is, I-- Dan.
Hey.
Uh, Amanda, This Is Serena.
Amanda's New, So I Sort Of Already Asked Her If She, Uh Right.
Great.
Well Um Welcome.
I Hope You Have I'll See You Later.
Who Would Have Thought(Sighs De eply)Humphrey Would Be The One To Move On First? They Look Very Sweet Together.
Did I Overhear Something About A Lunch? (Girl) Whoa! No Way.
You See "Gossip Girl"? Class Schedule.
New Girl.
Now.
Lily? Hello, Rufus.
What Are You Doing? I Had No Idea You Were Here.
How Was The Trip? How--How's Bart? Good.
Good.
Um, He's Still In Beijing.
On Business, You Know.
So What Brings You Down Here, Lily? Oh, I Just Thought It Would Be Nice To, Um, To Say Hello, Maybe Catch Up.
Actually I Wa On My Way Out.
Of Course.
I Should Have Called First.
You're Busy With Work And-- No, I Just "Repo Man" Is Playing At The Sunshine.
You Know How I Love My Harry Dean Stanton.
Playing Hooky? Yeah, Don't Tell Anyone.
Not If You Take Me With You.
You Want To Go To "Repo Man"? Yeah.
As I Recall, We Went To "Repo Man" Once, And You Walked Out.
Well, That Was 20 Years Ago.
And You Stole My Soda.]
Well, I'll Buy You Another.
All Right.
Let's Go To "Repo Man.
" Hi.
My Name's Blair.
You're New.
Hi.
I'm Aman-- Oh, That's Not Important.
We'd Like To Invite You To Lunch.
That's Really Sweet, But I'm Already-- We Know.
Dan Humphrey--Bad Idea.
It Could Be Hazardous To Your Health-- Social, Emotional.
Even Physical.
Ouch! Besides, Boyfriends Are So Much Less Reliable Than Girlfriends.
We Look Out For Each Other.
What Do You Say? (Serena) Blair? What's Going On? This Is Amanda.
She'll Be Joining Us For Lunch.
Blair.
It's For Your Own Good, S.
They Were Going To Lunch Together-- Lunch, As In The Meal Before Dating.
Is That What You Want? Exactly.
Would You Grab My Stick? I Seemed To Have Dropped It.
Lady Catherine Is Unavailable.
Would You Care To Leave A Message? If I Could Just Leave This For Her, I'm Sure She'll Get It.
(Phone Rings) Can I Just Very Well.
She's Not Coming--Amanda.
What Are You Talking About? She Met Some New Friends.
To Her For Lunch.
Hockey Sticks Were Involved.
You Know How Persuasive Our Girls Can Be.
Okay, But Why? She'll Be Bound By Their Laws.
Namely, She Won't Be Allowed To Date Ex-Boyfriends.
Namely You.
No, Serena Wouldn't Do That.
Prove Me Wrong.
Vanessa.
Hey.
This Is Wrong.
Eating Here? I Know, But The Met Steps Are Totally Under Construction.
No, Blair, I Mean Amanda? Amanda, We Have A Few Ground Rules Here.
For Lunch? Now That We're All Friends, You Should Know That Dating Someone's Ex Is Frowned Upon.
For Instance, Serena And Dan Used To-- Oh.
I Didn't Know.
Of Course You Didn't.
That's What Friends Are For.
But Now That You Know You Understand.
Pretty Sure, Yeah.
Pretty Sure? Uh, Hey, Amanda, Would You Mind Getting Some Gelato? There's A-A Cart Right Out There On The Street.
My Treat.
I Don't Like This, B.
, And I'm Not Gonna Do It, Okay? I'm Gonna Go Find Dan And Apologize.
It's For Your Own Good, S.
So This Is Yeah.
And They Were About To-- That's Before Kickoff, But Yep.
God, Why Can't I Look Away? Seriously.
Uh, So What Are You Gonna About Nate? Are You Gonna Tell Him? How Can I? He Would Most Likely Freak Out.
Oh, There's No Question About That.
And I Can't Confront Catherine Because The Butler Will Remember Me And-- And She'll Drop The Dime On The Captain.
Sorry.
That's The Only Chance I'll Ever Get To Talk Like That.
How Can I Use This To Get Nate Off The Hook? I Mean, What Do I Do? Well, You're-- You're Not Gonna Like It.
Blair.
Blair? I Can't Trust Blair.
Well, Maybe Not, But Google "Revenge," You Get Blairwaldorf.
Com.
Look, She--She Helped Me With Georgina.
She'll Know What To Do, And When She Sees This Photo, She Will Be Plenty Motivated To Do It.
So I Have To Show This To Blair? Yeah.
I Mean, I'd Wear Protective Padding When You Do It, But--But Yeah.
Look, V.
I Gotta Go.
There's This Thing With Serena.
Everything Okay? Um Yeah, Well, We'll See.
Dan.
Hey.
I Want To Apologize.
And That Answers My Question.
Look, Blair Invited Her To Lunch, Not Me.
But You Were There At Lunch.
Yeah, But--But Then I Left, And I Told Blair To Stop.
So You Were Part Of It, And Then You Had Second Thoughts? Dan, I'm Trying To Apologize.
Real 'Cause It Sounds Like You're Just Trying To Rationalize.
Look It's--It's Just--We Knew That This Would Be Awkward.
You Know? And I-I Just Assumed That It Would Be More Of A Sad Awkward, Not This Copetitive Awkward.
I-I Didn't Think You'd Enlist Backup.
Is That What You Think I'm Doing? Well, You Tell Mml If--If I Have Lunch With Someone Else Tomorrow, Are Blair's Minions Gonna Break Her Fingers? Just So You Know, If This Were A Competition, I Wouldn't Need Blair And Her Posse To Win.
Hey.
Hey.
Aren't You Supposed To Not Be Talking To Me, Or You'll Be Shunned Or Something? I Don't Like Bullies.
Oh.
So My Question-- What Are We Doing Tonight? I'm So Sorry, Blair.
Like I Said, Catherine Knows Where The Captain Is.
She Threatened To Expose Him If I Er Took Nate Away From Her.
But With This, I Was Hoping That You Might Be Able-- Who Else Knows? What? Who's Seen This? Dan.
Just Dan.
If You Or Humphrey Ever Breathe A Word Of This-- One Word To Anyone-- You'll Regret It For The Rest Of Your Lives.
Do You Understand? I Just Want Nate Free From Catherine.
I Don't Want Him Or Anyone Else Finding Out About This.
Good.
I'll Take Care Of It.
I'm Trusting You, Blair.
Like You Have A Choice.
So Are You Sure You Want To Eat Here? 'Cause This Is, Uh, I'm Thinking This Is Maybe Not A Great Idea.
Why? Everyone Comes Here.
Dan, It's Time To Send A Message.
I Am Not Sharing My Lump Crab.
(Penelope) Check It Out.
Is His Business.
But When He Brings His New Maiden To Court I Can't Believe He Brought Her Here.
It's A Declaration Of War.
Sound The Trumpets, Strumpets.
What Were You Thinking? Wh-- I-I Was Sleeping.
On "Gossip Girl.
" Oh, No, Her--Her Name's Amanda.
Oh, Her Name's Amanda.
Do You Have Any Idea What You're Doing? Not Only Is It Social Suicide, Dan, It's Mean.
Do You Really Think Serena Deserves To Be Treated Like This? Uh, No.
Look, She Started With This Girl Mafia.
Oh, Forget About Them.
You Need To Talk To Her.
Apologize Before It's Too Late.
Oh.
G--Chuck! Boundaries.
Get Out.
Good Morning To You, Too.
I Had Margaurite Make You Up A Little Something.
I Missed You At S.
T.
K.
Last Night.
Mom And I Had A Girls' Movie Night.
She Made Me Watch "Paris, Texas.
" She Kept Talking About How Amazing Harry Dean Stanton Was.
(Chuckles) Well, I Just Wanted To Make Sure You Got Your Breakfast And The Morning Headlines, Especially This One.
Vanessa? What Are You Doing Here? Believe It Or Not, I'm Looking For Blair.
Why? What Has She Done? Nothing That I Can Tell.
That's The Problem.
She Won't Return Any Of My Calls.
Is There Any Way You Can Find Out Where She Is? I Wouldn't Ask If It Wasn't Important.
Yeah.
Are You Lost? I'm Looking For Blair.
She Took The Morning Off.
She's Having Brunch At Centolire, But I'm Sure She Wouldn't Want To See You.
Well, Thanks.
Oh, Little J.
, Just Because We've Been Ignoring You Doesn't Mean We've Forgotten.
You Can't Hide Out At Eleanor Waldorf's Atelier Anymore.
Your Day Will Come.
We're Just Picking Our Moment.
Serena-- So This Is How You Want To Handle It, Using Anotr Girl To Embarrass Me In Front Of My Friends? Is That Your Idea Of Sending A Message, Dan? Well, That--That Phrase Might Have Been Used, But-- I Can't Believe You Would Do That.
Look, I Know, And I'm Sorry.
I Was Wrong.
Yes, You Were.
I Would Never Try To Humiliate You Like That.
No, But You Would Try To Coerce Girl Not Too Out With Me In The First Place.
Fine.
Tonight, The Three Of Us.
Okay.
What? Look, You're Gonna Date Other People, And I'm Gonna Date Other People.
We Can Either Let Everyone Else Tell Us How We Should Be Jealous And Compete, Or We Can Just Deal With It And Try To Preserve At Least A Little Of Our Friendship.
So Y, Me And Amanda Are Having A Date? I'd Rather You Not Put It That Way, But Yes.
Yeah, It's A Uh, 8:00.
Okay.
This Shouldn't Be Weird At All.
I-I Can't Wait For You To Join Us At MarkworthFor The Holidays-- Snow On The Grounds, Crackling Fire, Just The Two Of Us Under The Stars.
You Sure It Won't Be Awkward? Awkward? How? Juggling Two Women Under One Roof.
You Are Sleeping With Catherine, Right? Or Do You Prefer "Mom"? I Can Explain.
Hooking Up With Your Dad's Second Wife? (Scoffs) I Thought My Family Was Twisted, But You People Take The Cake.
It's Only Happened A Few Times, And I Put A Stop To It When I Met You.
I Really Opened Myself Up To You.
Can't--Can't We Still-- Oh, Please.
I Just Want To Get Through This Without Throwing Up In My Mouth.
Get Through What Exactly? I Got Your Message.
What's Going On Here? Take A Seat.
I Beg Your Pardon? Oh, No.
Not Yet But You Will.
What Do You Want? Let's Talk About Your Exit Strategy.
Lady Catherine Is Not In.
I'm Actually Looking To Speak To Her Husband.
There's Something He Needs To See.
Harris Hated Him.
He Called Rilke The Mitch Albom Of The 19th Century.
Rilke? Rainer Maria Rilke? "Letters To A Young Poet"? Yeah, I-I Gave It To Her, Actually, But She Never Read It.
Thoughn Her Defense, She Never Read "Tuesdays With Morrie" Either.
This Comparison Coming From A Man Who Does H Best Wring Sloshed At A Pub.
(Amanda) Harris.
Oh.
Uh, You Know What? I'm Gonna Go Get Another Glass.
Okay.
(Sighs) (Man) Another Soda? Belvedere Martini, Two Olives, Please.
Doing Okay, S.
? I Wille.
So Don't Be Mad, But We May Have Something That'll Cheer You Up.
Several Somethings, Actually.
Serena, This Is Jenns, Captain Of The Dalton Lacrosse Team.
Can I Buy You A Drink? Is Not Above A Little Romantic Retaliation.
It Turns Out Lonely Boy Is A Worthy Opponent, And It's Time For S.
To Bring In The Calvy.
?? This Guy Attacked In The Crease,Akes Left.
I Faked Left.
He Faked Right, Then I Faked Right, And Then Wham! Oh! Just Laid Him Out.
Wow.
Amazing.
Yeah, That Was A Fascinating Story.
It Was Much Better Than The One Where You Faked, Uh, Right And Then Left, And Then You Hit Him.
Dan's Not A Big Sports Fan.
(Jenns) Yeah, I Can See That.
Yeah, He Likes Poets And "Letter To Poets.
" I'm Gonna Use The Ladies Room.
You Know What? I Need Another Drink.
I'll Do This Again.
Okay.
Okay.
Smokin' Hot.
So Is This Your Great Peace Plan? You Invite Me Out So You Can Rub Lacrosse Guy In My Face? I Didn't Plan This.
Yeah.
Uh-Huh.
I'm Sure.
What? I Thought It Was Okay That We Date Other People.
Well, You--You Certainly Picked A Winner.
Well, He's Fun, Nonneurotic.
I Thought Thatould Be A Nice Change.
That's Classy, Serena.
Thanks.
Classy? Like You Asking Another Girl Out Our First Day Back At School? We Were Broken Up.
So What, Dan? It Hurt.
What Did Y Expect? I Loved You, And Just Because We Broke Up, Doesn't Mean I Can Just Turn It Off Like That.
All Right.
Um May-Maybe--Maybe We Should Stay Away From Each Other For A While.
Yeah, Yore Right.
You And Amanda Should Probably Go.
Are You Ordering Me To Leave? Consider It A Suggestion.
Why Should I Go, Dan? These Are My Friends Here, And It's Not Exactly Your Kind Of Place.
Fine.
Cashing Out So Soon, Humphrey? You Really Should Wear A Bell.
Kinky.
I'll Think About It.
I Hope You're Not Leaving.
You're About To See The Real Serena.
I've Seen Enough.
Not By Half.
Hey, Blair.
Um, What Was So ImportantThat We Couldn't Discuss Over The Phone? Well, I Have Some Good News And Some Bad News.
The Bad News Is That Your Girlfriend Catherine Is A Lying, Manipulating Whore Sleeping With Her Epson.
Whoa.
What Catherine And Marcus? I Know.
It's Hard To Picture.
I Have Photos If You'd Like To Take A Look.
I'm Sorry.
But The Good News Is That I Convinced Them Both To Leave Town.
Well, H-How Did You Even-- And That's Not Even The Best Part.
Catherine And I Made A Deal.
I Promised To Keep My Mouth Shut, And She Agreed To Pay Off The Captain's Restitution.
Congratulations, Archibald.
Welcome Back To Your Old Life.
Look, I-I Don't Know-- Wait.
Hold That Nonthought.
Catherine, Whatever It Is, Just Spare Me.
What Do You Mean? Vanessa Talked To The Duke? (Scoffs) No, I Told Her To Stay Out Of This.
Okay.
Maybe I Only Have Bad News.
Serena's Not Thinking Straight.
She's Making This About Dan.
It's The New Girl That Defied You.
What Would You Suggest? Ninth Grade, The Danish Exchange Student Who Kept Flirting With Your Junior Prom Date? You Still Remember How To Serve A Nair-Tini, Don't You? Lily, What-- What Are You Doing Here? Well, Serena And I Were Supposed To Have A Movie Night, But She Cancelled, So I Thought "Pretty In Pink.
" It's Only A Supporting Role, But Harry Dean Stanton Is Excellent.
It's 9:00 At Night.
Oh.
Well, I Guess I Should Have Called, But I Just Thought I'd Take A Chance-- Lily What Are You Doing Here? I Don't Know.
Bart Is Being Doing Business, As He Did Most Of Our Trip.
The Kids Are Living Their Own Lives, And My Life Is In An Empty House Or In A Crowded Restaurant, And I Don't Know Which One Makes Me Feel More Alone.
I Need A Friend, And That's Why I Came To See You Yesterday.
I'm Sorry, Lily.
I Really Am, But I Can't Be Your Friend.
Yesterday Reminded Me Of How Easy It Is To Fall Back Into Old Patterns.
I Can't Be Your Safety Net Anymore.
It's Not Fair.
You Made Your Choice To Be Mrs.
Bass.
You Need To Go Do That.
We Both Need You To Go Do That.
Rufus? Sorry I'm Late.
Hey.
Uh, Clare, This Is Lily.
Nice To Meet You.
Okay.
This Used To Be Your Favorite.
Nate, It's Vanessa Again.
Call Me As Soon As You Get This.
We Need To Talk.
It's Important.
What Did I Tell You? I Told You To Do Nothing.
What, Was That Too Difficult? I Thought I Would Leave Doing Nothing To You.
I Was Taking Care Of It.
How? By Having A Romantic Lunch With Your Boyfriend? You Know What I Think? I Think You Were So Scared Of Anyone Finding Out Who Your Boyfriend Was Screwin That You Were Willing To Screw Nate.
Catherine's Husband Promised That The Captain Would Be Safe.
It's Over.
You Know What I Think? I Think I'd Gotten Catherine To Agree To Pay Off The Archibald Debts And Leave Town In Exchange For My Silence.
Nate Was About To Have His Old Life Back Until You Went To The Duke.
He Put Them On A Plane To London An Hour Ago.
So You're Right.
It Is Over For Nate, Thanks To You.
(Isabel) Are You Really Going To Do This? (Penelope) Yes.
Why Should Serena Be The One Pulling Her Hair Out? Oopsy.
Look At What I've Done.
Oh, God.
My Hair! (Girl) What's Going On With That Girl? Amanda.
Hey.
Amanda, Wait! No, Dan.
Just Leave Me Alone.
Dan.
I'm So Sorry.
Is She Okay? No.
No, Don't.
D-Don't What? I Didn't Plan Any Of This.
It All--It All Just Happened.
That's The Serena Van Der Woodsen Mantra, Isn't It? No--No Fault, No Responsibility, Things Just Happen.
You Know, You Used To Tell Me That You Were Afraid That People Couldn't See The Real You.
Well, Maybe You're The One Who Can't See Yourself.
From--From Where I'm Standing, This Is Who You Are.
Is That What You Think Of Me? Spotted-- A Beautiful Blonde Phoenix From Now On, Everything Goes Through Me.
Welcome Back, Queen Serena.
Consider Us Your Humbled Servants, 'Cause If Looks Could Kill, We Wouldn't Want To Be Dan Humphrey.
Nate.
What Are You Doing Here? I Came To Apologize.
I Didn't Know What Blair Was Doingwith The Deal And The Money And You Think I Care About The Money? I Mean, I Asked You Point-Blank If Anything Was Wrong.
You Lied To Me.
I Had To.
I Didn't Know What To Do.
What, So You Confided In Dan? I Mean, Blair? R Everyone But Me.
I Gotta Get To School.
So That's It? We Can't Even Be Friends? Well, We Were Never Really Friends, Remember? Hey, Jenny.
What Are You Doing Here So Early? Trying To Avoid You.
Hard To Believe, I Know.
You Know What I Find Hard To Believe? This Handbag.
It Belongs In The Trash, Which Is Where You Probably Found It.
Don't.
Ohright.
There May Be Stuff In Here That You Need.
Here You Go.
Seriously? That's The Best You Guys Can Do? I Have To Say, I Was Pecting A Little More Now That You're Seniors.
Our Methods May Lack Imagination, But They're Very Effective Especially Over A Long Period Of Time.
Manda.
It's Me-E--Dan.
Dan Again.
Uh, Sorry To Be Calling You So Early.
Look, I'm--I'm Really Sorry About Last Night.
If It Matters At All, I Don't Think It Was Serena, Even Though I, Uh, I Blamed Her Pretty Harshly.
Uh, A-Anyway, Call Me.
Getting My Hair Burned Off Was Not A Part Of The Deal.
The Casualties Of War.
I Don't Get It.
You Wanted Me To Pretend To Like This Guy So He Could Make His Ex-Girlfriend Jealous? Jealousy Is A Powerful Emotion.
I Had To Create A Monster If I Was Going To Dethrone A Queen.
Why Do You Care Who's Queen Of The High School? I Hear You're Going To Boarding School In Vermont.
Something To Keep You Warm.
You Have The Day Off? What Holiday Is It? Uh, Women's Suffrage Day.
(Chuckles) So Why Are You Wearing Your Uniform? 'Cause I Forgot.
Anyway, It's Almost Fashion Week.
There Has To Be Something I Can Do.
Well, Uh, The Worktables Are A Mess.
Eleanor Can't Find Half Her Patterns.
Why Don't You Do That? Okay.
Blair, Where Were You Yesterday? I Was Home, Just Taking Care Of-- Serena! Where Are We Going Tonight? (Isabel) The Dalton Guys Keep Texting Us.
It Was A Feeding Frenzy Last Night.
Hey, I Left You Four Messages.
You Okay Yeah.
I-I Wasn't Feeling Well.
You Poor Thing.
I Actually Have To GetThe Assignments I Missed Yesterday.
Oh.
Of Course.
I'll See You Later.
Wel, Well, Look Who's Back On Top.
Wait.
Now That I Think Of It, I Know Exactly How That Happened.
* Brooklyn, We Go Hard, We On The Look For The Advantage * Hey.
Uh, Have You Seen Serena This Morning? * Rough It Up A Bit * We Broke, But We Rich At Heart * * It's Our Time, Put The Lights On Us * * War Tactics, They Make Me Sick * * So If You Know Another Way, You Can't Look The Other Way * * You Know Another Way * Tell Them So Right To Their Face * * We Think You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine * * We éHInk You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine * * We Think You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine * * We Think You're A Joke, Shove Your Hope Where It Don Shine * * I Hear Them All Say That I've Got Heart * * But Not Everything Sorry, Lonely Boy.
Don't Say We Didn't Try To Warn You.
But If Queen S.
Will Do This To D.
, Are Any Of Us Safe? Bow Down Or Bow Out.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.