Grand Crew (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1
[HIP-HOP DANCE MUSIC]
Hey, we are gonna need a
bunch of bottles tonight.
[LAUGHS] We celebratin'.
Nice, what are you celebrating?
The return of the man,
the myth, the legend,
ALL: Marquan!
- Whoo.
- So he's a friend of yours?
Oh, he's not just any friend.
- He's a part of the crew.
- So why is he never here?
Well, he and his wife have six kids.
He works a full-time job.
So he's unable to come out most times.
Yeah, we haven't seen him in years,
but we love Marquan.
- Yeah.
- Did I just hear my name?
[ALL SHOUTING]
Noah, my bro-ah. [LAUGHTER]
- Tony, Tony, Tony.
- What up? What up?
- Weezy.
- [BOTH TRILL TONGUES]
- King Sherm.
- King 'Quan.
- BOTH: Ah.
- Ha-ah!
Slicky-tricky-Nicky.
- [SQUEALS]
- BOTH: Yay.
- Hi, I'm Fay.
- Hey, what's up, Fay-Bay-Bay?
Hey, y'all ready to party tonight?
- [PHONE DINGS]
- ALL: Yeah!
Oh, snap. My babysitter just quit.
It's been real. Peace, y'all.
But
Man, I can't believe
we got to see Marquan.
[CHEERS, LAUGHTER]
Whoop, whoop ♪
Cabernet and sauvignon ♪
Team is here and now it's on ♪
Carry on and Carignan,
sippin' on Perignon ♪
Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪
Pull up in the spot like hello ♪
If you got me, then I got you ♪
This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪
Grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪
Grand crew, grand
crew, grand crew, uh ♪
Grand crew ♪
[FUNKY MUSIC]
Hey, Noah, for real,
thanks for planning this trip, man.
I really needed a break.
Yeah, likewise, but why Ojai again?
It seems like such a small town.
Well, it's supposed to be
the spiritual mecca of California.
I just figure with Nicky, Anthony, and I
coming out of relationships,
we could all stand to reset out energy.
Oh, yeah, true.
Oh, speaking of energy,
are things still awkward
with you and Fay after you told her
that she's the reason that
you and Talia broke up?
- God, that was so dumb.
- I didn't mean to blame her.
- It just came out that way.
- Mm-hmm.
I texted her to make sure we're cool,
but she hasn't responded yet.
What did you send her?
Oh, no, that's a thick-ass bubble.
It's not that thick a bubble.
That is such a think bubble.
Ooh, that text got ass.
Mm-hmm, ass for days.
- What is up with this dude?
- He wants to do you?
No, he explicitly said
he no longer has feelings for me,
and now he's trying to get me
to say that everything's cool
so that he can feel
better about himself.
Oh, yeah, our friend's being a messy ho.
I messed up, damn.
Man, you're stressing
over a text message.
You sound like Noah right now.
It's true.
You do sound like me
right now, all wound up.
- You sure you don't like her?
- No, I don't,
and even if I did,
she's good on me now.
I am so good on him,
I do not need that stress.
Well, the silver lining is,
we're getting away from LA
and all his antics.
He's coming on the trip.
He's in the other car.
Ooh, damn, good luck with that.
Here, give me your phone.
I bet he'll leave you alone after this.
- Ooh, that's good. Send it.
- Ahh.
- [LAUGHS]
- [PHONE DINGS]
K? She just text me the letter K.
- That's bad.
- Hold up.
There's a period after that K.
- It's worse.
- Oh, my condolences.
- Man, it's like that.
She's really done with me.
Oh, come on. I'm sure that's not true.
I don't [] about you
or anything that you do ♪
Don't give a [] about
you or anything that you do ♪
I heard you got a new man ♪
I see you takin' a pic ♪
Then you post it up ♪
Thinking that it's making me sick ♪
I'ma answer that []
like I don't [] with you ♪
Dude,
this is dope! Ha, yo,
thanks again, Noah.
Yeah, for sure, but wait,
you mean, "Thanks for
booking it," right?
Because we all agreed
to split this, right?
- [CAR HONKS]
- Look!
Look, they're here. [LAUGHS]
- Y'all made it.
- Barely!
Kristen drives like a psycho.
So what if I follow
a woman for 27 miles,
'cause she cut me off? Y'all dramatic.
I hope you saved some of
that energy for me, baby.
- Oh, I'm locked and loaded.
- [IMITATES GUN COCKING]
- Oh
- [GIGGLES]
- Hey.
- Hey.
So Ojai
- Mm.
- You ever been?
- Nope.
- Nice.
Well, you're gonna love it.
You've been?
Uh, naw.
Okay, well, let's get
this vacation started.
[CHUCKLES] Where the ocean at?
We're on Ojai Valley.
- There is no ocean.
- Yeah,
we're surrounded by
the Topatopa Mountains,
which captures a very
unique universal energy,
which is only punctuated by
its tranquility and nature.
- Mm, I hate it.
- You really thought
- there was an ocean in Ojai?
- Yes.
I thought we were going to the beach.
This place sounds Jamaican.
[IN JAMAICAN ACCENT] Welcome to Ojai!
I hear it now.
Y'all sure there ain't
no beach around here?
No, I'm fine.
As long as there's a pool, I'm good.
- There's no pool?
- Nicky, I know
that you want a big body of water,
but I do have a fun surprise
that will help set the tone
for the rest of the trip.
We're going to a
Psychic reader and spiritual consultant?
That's right. Look,
there's no better way
to get these vibes on
vibes on vibes on vibes
on vibes on vibes on vibes on vibes.
Nah, bro. All this
woo-woo stuff is fake.
- I don't believe in it.
- I'm sorry.
Aren't you always saying
the Clippers are cursed?
A basketball curse is different.
That's real and based off of analytics.
Yeah, I don't know about this either.
Don't you have a psychic back home?
Exactly, and she didn't tell me
that I was gonna meet a psychic today,
so if this person isn't on her radar,
she is not official.
I'm a little skeptical too.
Reading energy? I don't get it.
- Clearly, little bitch.
- Ooh.
- What?
- Okay, look,
activities like this
can go left real quick.
I know y'all remember what happened
in "Carmen: A Hip Hopera"
when Wyclef pulled the
death card on Beyoncé.
I do remember that.
Death cards? They're not real,
and our different opinions
is exactly why this will be fun to do.
Shut up. This is all nonsense,
and I don't believe in it,
and nobody is ever gonna change my mind.
Hi, I'm Journey Jones Destiny Moon.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
My mind has changed. Read me, please.
So what's these cards talkin' about?
That you don't believe in any of this
and the only reason you are here
is because you're
sexually attracted to me.
Hmm,
you right.
Okay, look, idk if this is for me.
I'm seeing the page of cups.
This is a reconciliation card.
Hold on.
- Keep going.
- This is the ten of swords.
You're over a situation or a person,
and you just wanna be left alone.
So you don't know Tavia Hale?
I mean, she's pretty well-connected
in the psychic community.
It seems weird that you don't know her.
I would like for you
to share what you see,
remembering to be open and honest.
Not a problem. We don't keep secrets.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, great.
Nah, I'm not gonna share my card.
Wait, what?
So are you seeing any
new romances in my future?
This is the card of death.
Wait, that's a real card?
So can I, uh, take you out for a drink?
If the stars align and we meet again,
then so it shall be.
- So that's a no?
- If it is our path,
- then we will travel it.
- So no?
If we meet again, then
we will have met again.
Okay, all right.
That was a very spiritual rejection.
Thank you for your time.
♪
Nicky, what's with the beach attire?
I'm dressed for the vacation I want,
not the vacation I am on.
I respect that.
So I know that energy reading
wasn't as spiritually fulfilling
as we all had hoped. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, 'cause you got the death card.
[SCOFFS] No. I'm not fazed by that.
[CHUCKLES] That card doesn't mean
I'm gonna die. Right, Nicky?
Maybe.
- Maybe not.
- See?
And then she had the
nerve to try to sell me
some expensive-ass crystals
and tea to "cure me."
Ha! So stupid.
So yeah, I bought some.
But it's not like I need it.
- You know, I'm not stressed.
- Don't worry.
Those cards are silly.
So what was on your card then?
Babe, leave it alone.
So the Topatopa Inn
is a couple miles away,
and there's a bar.
Should we go get a drink?
Perfect, and there's probably a pool.
Ooh, yum.
Oh, y'all go ahead. I'ma help Kristen
- with some work.
- Wait, we're on vacation.
They finna smash, fool.
Oh
[FUNKY MUSIC]
♪
So that psychic stuff was pretty weird.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't really believe in it,
but my card did say something
about reconciliation.
- Interesting.
- Here you go, ma'am.
Yeah.
So are we good?
Because I really can't tell.
I mean, you texted me "K" earlier,
and then things feel,
you know, a little weird.
You know, I really want
us to be good again
like, good-good,
because right now, things
feel less than good.
Anthony, please stop.
You're being so extra.
This is why we're not good.
Ooh, Noah, give me your cherry.
No, you already have one.
Aw, Sherm, give me your cherry.
Fine.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Oh, my God.
It's Ms. Journey Jones Destiny Moon.
- She's here.
- Maybe it's fate.
This is a small town.
There's only so many bars.
It's not fate. It's analytics.
[CHUCKLES] Excuse me for a moment.
I am Journey Jones
Excuse me, ladies. [CHUCKLES]
Well, well, well.
It must be fate.
You don't believe that.
You're right. I don't,
but opposites attract.
That's us.
Sherman, in order for the
energy within you to flow,
you must allow the body to receive
what there is to offer.
I don't know what you just said,
but it sounded sexy as hell.
I'm still not getting through to you.
Come with me.
Where are we going?
Do you trust me?
Not at all,
but we out.
Yo, yo, yo, got us another round, y'all,
and that is for Sherm.
- Really?
- Cheers.
Oh, yeah, you know, I
didn't wanna do too much.
- Ooh, we missed something.
- [CHUCKLES]
[EERIE MUSIC]
Hey, yo, y'all see this?
♪
See what?
There was just a scary,
little white boy right there.
You don't think that has something to do
with the death card, right?
I thought you didn't
believe in that stuff.
I don't. Creepy little white boy
just starts pointing
at me for a long time
and disappeared. That's nothing, ha!
[CHUCKLES] Cool. Well,
I'm nice and tipsy.
It's time for me to
sneak into the hotel pool.
Y'all comin'?
- Sure.
- Great.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
♪
Hey, what's all this?
Well, you've been really busy with work,
and this is the first
time in a long time
that we've taken a trip,
so I wanted to treat you.
Well, I like the sound of that.
♪
How's that feel?
I love it.
What you hiding from me, woman?
- Wyatt
- What was on the card?
And why is it making
you so tense right now?
Was there a love card?
Someone tryin' to get at you?
No.
Then what was on the card though?
♪
Is it money? Are we
gonna lose everything?
No.
- Then what was on your card though?
- Shh
[WHISPERS] Now tell me
what was on the card.
♪
You mean to tell me
you got me all oiled up
just so you could ask
me a bunch of questions?
- Bye, Wyatt.
- W w wait, wait, wait, wait.
What was on the card, though?
♪
Okay, we have to go over our alibis,
because [CHUCKLES]
we're technically not
supposed to be here.
Okay, I am Mary J. Blige, room 242.
I am Dr. Toni Braxton, room 546.
Ginuwine, penthouse suite.
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
Noah, hey, pay attention.
You're Maxwell
I just saw that creepy boy again.
Can you just calm down?
- We need to get out of here.
- No, no, no, no.
Someone's coming. I hear something.
Just remember your alibis.
Oh, hi, are you guys staying here?
I'm sorry. I have to ask.
It's just a formality. [CHUCKLES]
Yes, we're actually staying in room
No, we're not! We're all named
after '90s R&B legends. [CHUCKLES]
We're not supposed to be here, lady.
Damn you, Noah! Damn you!
[ECCENTRIC MUSIC]
♪
Welcome back to my spiritual office.
Thanks. What the [BLEEP] is that noise?
It's my music. I'm also a musician.
Oh, lovely
very catchy.
You know, I believe
there are reasons people meet,
and I believe the universe
wants me to help you.
Those are murder words.
That's not your plan, is it?
This is a safe space.
Now close your eyes
and focus on my music.
♪
Okay.
♪
Now take off your clothes.
Say what now?
I can open your mind.
- Let me guide you.
- Look, I ain't finna be
the only naked person up in this fort,
so you might have to oh, hello.
Here I go.
I love Ojai!
I am not the man I once was.
I am changed.
I feel the earth,
the wind, and the fire.
- So y'all had sex?
- We did not.
But what we did do was
get booty-butt-naked
and danced around her
big tent all night.
Oh, it was a vibe. You ever
seen a booty in the moonlight?
I haven't. That's what's up, bro.
- Love you, man.
- Love you too.
[SIGHS] Are you really taking
the last two vegan pancakes?
Yeah, I really am.
Journey told me about this meteor shower
that's happening tonight,
and she offered to take us
through a spiritual
ceremony at her house.
Hmm, interesting.
I've never seen a meteor shower before.
- Have y'all?
- [TOGETHER] Mm-mm.
Did she say if it'd
be safe for me there?
You look terrified.
You haven't seen what I've seen!
If you had, you'd be
covered in crystals too
and drinking Journey's special tea.
Look, I already paid for tonight.
So we all goin'. Plus, I think this is
a real opportunity for us to connect.
So what you're saying is, you're
still trying to hook up with Journey?
- Correct.
- Ew, I'm not trying to help you get laid.
- She got a pool.
- Ooh, let's get you laid.
Welcome home.
- Whoa damn.
- Wow.
What is the mortgage on this place?
Sheesh!
It's nothing.
Money, possessions, mortgage
these are just made-up words.
The pool, she's beautiful.
Oh, feel free to jump in.
Thank you.
Um, so as you can see, I'm
wearing all my crystals,
and I drank all the
tea that you gave me.
Uh, is there anything
else I need to be doing
- to make sure I'm okay?
- You drank all the tea?
Yeah, why?
What the hell?
Your pool was ice-cold.
You wanted me to jump in?
Water will be what it is.
If your heater's broke, just say that.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
As day transitions to night,
let us appreciate the majesty
of the pink moment.
I paired each of you accordingly.
Now hold hands
and maintain eye contact
in silence and solidarity.
Let the energy flow.
[WHISPERS] Noah.
[IN DISTORTED VOICE] Are you okay?
[WHISPERING] No, I
think the tea was drugs.
- Drugs?
- I'm trippin' balls right now.
Okay, I think my chakras is straight.
- You wanna get out of here?
- Sherman, focus.
I'm sorry. You're just really pretty.
[WHISPERING] Babe, can we talk?
[WHISPERING] I don't
think we're supposed to.
I feel like I just
heard everybody talking,
but I wanted to say that I
was sorry about how obsessed
I've been about the tarot stuff.
It's okay, babe.
No, I was I was going too hard.
I love everything that I know about you
and everything that I don't.
I trust you.
Oh, I should've told
you what was on the card.
I'm gonna tell you now.
Oh, my thank goodness.
It was killing me. What is it?
So the card had a picture
of a pregnant woman on it,
and I didn't wanna talk
about it, because I'm not sure
if I wanna have kids anymore.
What?
♪
Please sit around the fire.
[CLAPPING]
[ALL CLAPPING]
Oh, no, no, no.
That's not a part of the ceremony.
It's just mosquitos.
Okay, this is an extra-special night
because of the meteor shower,
and this part of the process
is different for every group.
All I ask is that you let the energy in
and follow the flow.
We need some music.
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
Whoo ♪
Whoo ♪
[SCREECHING]
- What the hell is that?
- Mm, God don't like that.
Hey, that is the soundtrack to her soul.
Go on ahead and take
it to the bridge, baby.
That was the whole song, actually.
Oh, perfect length.
We are now going to
state our intentions,
and after your intention,
seal it by saying, "Peace to you,"
and we will follow suit.
Now everyone close your eyes
and let the energy flow.
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪
I'll start.
My intention is to be a
part of big-life decisions
as opposed to being blindsided by them.
- Peace to you.
- [TOGETHER] Peace to you.
Okay then, my intention
is to practice acceptance,
even if what I want is different
from what someone wants from me.
- Peace to you.
- [TOGETHER] Peace to you.
My intention is to find some damn water
before this trip is over.
- Peace to you.
- [TOGETHER] Peace to you.
My intention was to make
up for my past mistakes,
but now it's to do me
and to hope that's not doing too much.
- Peace to you.
- [TOGETHER] Peace to you.
My intention is to not
be concerned with people
who create their own problems
and then blame other people
for their own problems.
- Peace to you.
- [TOGETHER] Peace to you.
My second intention is to have two kids,
and we agreed on that.
Well, my intention number two
is to change my mind
about having children.
- Peace to you.
- You for real right now?
[ALL SHOUTING]
- [SCREAMS]
- What is that?
I don't know.
Wait, where's Noah?
[SCREAMS]
Oh, no, the death card.
We should go. We should
[SCREAMING]
There he is. Noah, are you okay?
Yeah, why?
[IN DISTORTED VOICE] Oh,
that brotha is super faded.
My tea has elevated his experience.
He's ascending.
What are you screaming about?
I wasn't screaming.
I was singing.
I'm afraid that's not your gift.
Not yours either.
Oh, look, look.
It's happening.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
You know, I just realized something.
We're all just like meteors
traveling through space and time
in this crazy thing called
life, trying our best
not to burn out.
None of us know where we're going.
You know, I think that's what
that death card represented,
the unknown.
- At the end of the day
- Hey, stop talking, bro.
Wait, y'all can hear me?
I thought that was
my internal monologue.
My bad.
It's beautiful.
It really is.
♪
It ain't all that.
Okay, a'ight, it's pretty cool.
[CHUCKLES] Fantastic.
I could tell you were on
a path to self-discovery.
Hmm.
I hear voices.
That's 'cause you higher
than these meteors.
Hello? Is someone out there?
Wait, I heard that too,
and I'm not high at all.
Okay, that's all the time we have.
- Who's in our backyard?
- What is going on?
Is this not your house?
That's why the pool wasn't heated.
You don't know where anything is.
- I never said it was my house!
- Ooh.
Who can really own property?
You got us out here trespassing.
Run!
I hate running.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
Anthony, I'm stuck. Help me.
A'ight, a'ight.
Oh!
[GRUNTS]
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
That was a rush. Let's do it again.
- Mm.
- What happened to Journey?
She sprinted off fast as hell.
Chick probably ran track.
She had perfect form.
We did good.
No one left behind, no injuries.
- I'm impressed.
- I don't know.
Anthony, you pushed Fay
pretty hard over that wall.
I don't think I would've
made it without it.
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah,
that wall was winning.
Hey, y'all, look, now
that I'm sober, you know,
I just wanna remind you guys to
send me your money for the house.
Mm, that's it for me.
- I gotta go to bed.
- Same here.
- Good night.
- Yep.
- Ooh.
- Ooh, night.
Wait, no, guys, please.
I can't afford this.
["BEST PART" BY DANIEL
CAESAR FEATURING H.E.R.]
Hey, so about the kid stuff
♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
I just don't know if I want
to put my body through that,
and I'm not sure I'll be a good mom.
Kristen, you would be a great mom,
and you know that I
would love nothing more
than to knock that ass up.
[CHUCKLES]
But we gotta be on
the same page about it.
So let's just revisit this conversation
if and when you want to.
- Okay, thank you.
- Mm-kay.
Now, where are those massage oils?
- Okay, great, it's my turn.
- Oh, no, I need a redo.
That last massage was interrogation.
- Okay.
- [LAUGHS]
Won't you give yourself to me? ♪
Hey, so, uh,
are we good?
I just wanna see ♪
Okay, I'm playing. I'm playing.
I'll see you in the morning.
Cool.
- Night.
- Night.
Night.
- You said that already.
- I know,
but why you blowing my spot though?
Why are you lingering?
I'm not lingering.
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.
No matter how far ♪
If life is a movie ♪
Know you're the best part ♪
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪
You're the best part ♪
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪
Best part ♪
Would you like a bellhop to
take your bags to the room?
Yes, I have somewhere else to be.
Ahh.
[LAUGHS]
[EERIE MUSIC]
Ahh! Whoo!
Oh, that's a no.
No!
- [SAXOPHONE TRILL]
- Yah.
Not a doctor. Shh.