Grounded For Life (2001) s02e04 Episode Script

Come on, Henry, let's go upstairs and say your prayers.
Grandpa, can I pray for the power to blow things up with my eyes? Yeah, I don't see why not.
Sean, I'm home! Hey, guys.
Where's Sean? He ran over to the o'keefe's next door.
Oh, god.
Where's Lily? I think he was gonna go get her.
Oh, god.
Mom, grandpa says I'm too old to sleep in my pajamas.
Oh, well, you're not.
I sleep in the nude.
I like the feel.
I do! You're wearing pajamas.
Upstairs.
Eddie! I'm right behind you.
Stop panicking.
Oh, come on, whoa! Hey, I'm not the one who called 911.
I'm not the one who screamed like a little girl.
What? Did you find Lily? Yeah.
And? Uh, things are looking up.
Mom, Henry doesn't have any pants on.
Ohh! Put on your pants, Henry! Henry: I don't want to! He said he's sleeping grandpa-style.
All right, I'm coming up! And I am not done with you! What's she so worried about? Uh, n-nothing.
It's just, um, earlier this afternoon, me and Eddie had to go by the drugstore to pick up, uh, a personal item.
Can I help you? Oh, hi.
No, just browsing, really.
Thanks.
He's got terrible jock itch.
Oh, jeez! It's not terrible.
Heh heh! Oh, come on.
You've been digging at it.
Aisle 3, on the right.
It it's not terrible! It's just just an average case at best.
Hey, look at that twitchy kid at the condom rack.
Heh heh heh! You remember when we were his age buying condoms? Come on, come on! Come on, come on, come on, come on! Come on, twist the knob, man.
All right! Heh heh Oh! Oh, you idiot! You you did the wrong one! No, I didn't.
Yeah, I got aspirin! Turn this one.
Aw, man! I don't have any more quarters! Claudia's waiting for me right now, and I've got aspirin.
Tell her it's the pill.
You no one Those were stupid, stupid times.
Hey, isn't that the kid from next door? Where? Buying the condoms.
That's Lily's boyfriend.
Brad o'keefe?! Brad o'keefe was buying condoms? The kid thinks big.
Sean, there's a fire engine outside the o'keefe's! What? Uh Man, they take that 911 stuff so seriously.
You guys, there's a fire next door! - Ok, now, there's no fire.
- There's a fire engine.
Can we go see the fire? Whoa, aren't you guys supposed to be in bed? Not when the neighborhood's burning down.
All right, hey, hey, hey! There's no fire! And it's past your bedtime.
What why do I have to go to bed when he goes to bed? I'm older than him.
You're not going to bed at his bedtime.
He's going to bed at your bedtime.
Then why does he get special treatment? Because I'm cuter.
Ok, both of you upstairs.
Come on.
Those firemen look angry.
They should be psyched there's no fire.
What happened over there, Sean? Didn't you stick to our strategy? Strategy? Come on, what strategy? Claud! Claud! I saw Brad Brad o'keefe buying condoms.
What? Brad o'keefe was buying condoms! Oh, my god.
I can't go to work.
No, no, wait, I have to go to work because I'm filling in for Rebecca.
Oh, god! Oh, my god.
You know what? I'll deal with it.
I've got it.
You sure? Yes, absolutely.
But I'm open to suggestions.
All right, just, um, try to act cool.
Right, be cool.
Cool.
Yes.
And keep her very close to this house.
Right.
And, um, don't talk down to her.
Just be open to her and follow your natural instincts.
Good.
Right.
Ok.
No, no.
Wait, wait! You can't Don't follow your natural instincts! Right! Don't yes! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm just I'm gonna lay down the law.
No, that's one of your instincts! When you forbid her to do something, she's just gonna turn around and do it anyway just to spite you.
Oh, right.
God, no! No, no, listen! Just steer clear of her till I get home.
Ok, right.
I'm gonna steer clear of her till you get home.
Ok.
Steer clear.
Home.
Ok.
No, wait! You can't steer clear of her because you gotta keep an eye on her.
Oh, my god, yeah! Just stay close to her and don't talk to her.
Right! Love you! All right, love you.
Wait, wait, wait! You gotta talk to her because otherwise she's gonna get suspicious.
Yeah! So, um, act natural.
Natural! Ha ha ha! Yeah! Good! There's some good advice in there.
Where? I don't know.
I don't see why you're so worried.
That o'keefe boy is such a milquetoast.
All right, whoa, whoa, ok.
He might be a milquetoast, but she likes him.
Hey! Hi.
Ready to go to the movies? I can't.
I have other plans.
Ok, ok! If you're gonna make such a huge deal about it, we'll go to the movies.
Well, what about your other plans? I don't have other plans.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Ugh! She uses him for a doormat.
Dad, you don't speak teenage girl, all right? Doormat translates into "me likey.
" Yeah? Then why doesn't she say, "me likey?" No, no.
She'd only say that if she wanted to really blow him off.
Ugh! Thank god I had boys.
Thanks, dad, means a lot.
I didn't mean you.
Look, ok, I knew she liked this kid Brad, ok? And I just didn't want to sit around and watch him suffer, so I gave him a little talk, a little confidence booster.
She likes me? Absolutely.
So that's why she acts like she hates me.
See, Brad, women don't always mean what they appear to mean.
They they send confusing signals.
Like, you know my wife.
Oh, yeah! All right, all right, calm down.
Ok, see, there was a time when I thought Claudia didn't like me.
Whoo! Oww! Hey, Claudia bustamonte! Heh heh.
Can I help you, finnerty? Hey, I got some new woofers in my stereo system.
Check it out.
Oh, yeah! Ha ha! Whoo! What do you think? Sounds pretty awesome, huh? Ha ha ha! I'm ok! It's cool! How'd it work out? Brad, we're married.
That's cool.
Yeah, yeah.
So just relax, man.
Be confident, all right? And that way Lily will stop walking all over you.
You know, you gotta just You gotta show the world how cool you can be.
You know, cut class and, uh, start a band.
Throw a party.
Yeah, yeah, like Like a "coming out as a cool guy" party! Yeah! Yeah, just don't call it that.
So you told him to throw a party? Uh, ok, that's a very liberal interpretation of what I said.
You shouldn't get all buddy-buddy with your daughter's boyfriend.
Then the fear subsides.
Ok.
Yeah, all communication should come in the form of a warning.
All right.
Thanks, dad.
I'm gonna be a fireman when I grow up.
Jimmy: No, you're not.
I can be anything I want to be.
No, you can't! Last week you wanted to be a robot.
I can be a robot.
You couldn't.
Fine.
I'll be a fireman.
You don't have the stuff.
When we went camping, who put out that fire? Yeah, but when you're a fireman you can't pee on a burning building.
Hey, a fireman uses whatever he's got! Well, then I guess your bed won't be catching fire anytime soon.
Ugh! Mom! Got to bed! Look, ok, look, this is pretty good.
All right, we've got 2 out of 3 kids under control.
We batting, like, .
666, huh? This isn't baseball.
No, I'm not talking about baseball, baby.
I'm talking about that part of the omen when they look on his scalp and see the mark of the beast.
Aw, come on, baby, I'm just trying to be optimistic.
Look, this whole thing with Lily was really hard.
Um Whoa.
Hot outfit.
Wh-where you going? Brad's parents are out of town.
He's having a party.
Oh, uh, Lily, listen.
I i, um, don't Ok, um, who am I, right, to say anything, but I'm not saying that you Uh, you kids today are faced with, you know, and if you do whether you should or shouldn't is a whole, um Dad, are you trying to tell me not to do drugs? Ok.
I won't.
Don't wait up! Um Wow, that sucked.
Yeah.
So you just let her go? Look, you told me I couldn't do anything! I didn't tell you to do nothing! Well, what was I supposed to do? Something! Oh, we did something.
Oh, what? Um, dad, are you ok? Uh, yeah, Jimmy, why? Well, because you just slapped that hamburger all the way through the grill.
Huh? Oh! Oh, man, these girls keep staring at me.
Yeah, probably because you're jumping up and down like a geek.
I think not.
Look, look, can we please just try to ignore the party? All right, guys? I'm trying, but look, look.
Check this out.
Will you check this out? What? Yes, hello, officer? Yeah, I'd like to report a loud and out of control party.
Well, I want it shut down.
Well, I'm a property owner, and a taxpayer, and I have a heart condition, and this rock 'n' roll music's killing me! Sean: Whoa, whoa! Well, if it ain't the fuzz! Man, why don't you let the kids have some fun? Yeah, since when is partying against the law? Hey, skateboarding is not a crime! Hey, whoa, whoa.
You smell something? I smell bacon! Yeah! Wh-what are you looking at? You looking at me? Don't look at me.
Get high! Pigs can't fly! Don't look over here.
All right, so what did you say to Lily when she came out? Nothing.
Good.
No, not good.
She never came out.
Where the God! Ugh! The cops left over an hour ago.
Where is she? Right there.
Where? That upstairs room.
Oh, god.
What are you looking at? Check out all those candles.
I wish my first time had been that romantic.
Shut up! Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry, that was insensitive.
What are you looking at? You know, I'm gonna go over there and get Lily right now.
She's gonna hate you.
A lot of people hate me.
Are you coming? What were they looking at?! Hey, Eddie, you got a credit card? Yes, I do.
Where'd you get a gold card? It's yours.
Oh! Grr! What were they doing? They were playing with the ouija board.
Oh, that's a relief.
They're just into satanism.
God, did Lily freak out? What she do? Uh, well, honestly, I think I handled it pretty well.
Um, um Fire! Man, this is lame.
Yeah, there's nothing on fire.
Hey! Hey! Can you spray some foam on something? We don't use foam, son.
That's just used at airports.
Can you foam me? No, I can't.
Is your dad home? If I tell you, will you foam me? No.
Come on in.
Dad, they couldn't find any fire.
Well, did they even look? Yes, they looked! What exactly did you think you saw? Whoa! There's no "I think" about it.
All right? I know what I saw, it was orange and flickering and fiery.
We found candles.
Did you put them out? Sir, calling in a false alarm is a felony.
Oh, I see.
To be on the safe side, we should've set the whole house on fire.
That is also a felony.
You got all the angles, don't you? All right, let's pack up the hoses! You're doing god's work, sir.
Dad, have you lost your mind? I was concerned.
Oh! Mom, why are you hugging me? Because you were playing ouija.
She she's just glad to have you home.
Intact.
Dad.
Ok, what is going on? You ok? Yes, except for the fact that dad scared the hell out of us.
Spirits, tell us who among us will be the first to die? Oh, this is too creepy.
Shh! It's moving.
Oh, no.
It's moving towards "b".
Oh, no! "B" for Brad! Spirits, does "b" stand for Brad? Girl: Yes! Oh, I'm gonna die! Well, not soon.
Just first.
Spirits Is Brad going to die soon? Don't ask it that! It's moving towards "yes" again.
Wha what was that?! Maybe it was a spirit.
Is it coming for Brad? Ask it to go away! It doesn't work that way! Um, um Fire! I'm gonna die! We were terrified.
Yeah, hey, hey! I was traumatized, too.
But you're the one who broke in! Ok, now we're playing the blame game.
Great.
Hey, Mr.
and Mrs.
finnerty.
Just wanted to say don't worry about me.
I got out safe.
There's no fire.
Got a lot of guts coming around here, showing your face.
Sean: That's right.
Yeah, still gonna have to bust you up.
What? What's wrong with you two? Oh, come on.
Don't play all innocent.
All right? We know what you two were up to.
And what's that? All right, all right, pal! Ok, where are they? Hee hee hee! No laughing, punk! Oh! Oh, what do we have here, young man? Hmm? I i What are those? Thank god she doesn't know.
I know what they are! I just can't believe that he has them.
I'm sorry, Lily.
I was trying to do the responsible thing.
I mean, we needed protection.
Protection from what? In case our passions got out of control.
Ow! Yeah, like that, but nice.
What makes you think that there is "passion" between us? Lily, women send signals, and you've been sending me signals for a long time.
What signals? You know, like even tonight at the party.
Ha ha ha! You had dip on your face.
Yeah? I was telling you to wipe it off.
That's not a signal.
He's a 15-year-old boy.
Everything's a signal.
You understand! Yeah, I understand, but you're still gonna get busted up.
But Mr.
finnerty explained all about signals.
He he said you liked me.
You talked to him? Uh, um, well, we were just we had a chat.
About me? Uh, well, you know, uh, um, your name might have come up.
Aah! Oh, come on, Lily! I was trying to be helpful! Oh, man.
The ouija board was right.
Lily.
What is wrong with you people? Is sex all you ever think about? Come on, you're no, you're our daughter, come on! You need to get a hobby.
Did you know Brad had bought condoms? No! Well, then you don't know everything, do you? Oh! But still, I mean, it's Brad, ok? I could take him to the park and make him catch frisbees in his mouth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a dog, ok? And like a dog, you can bring him home, and he's gonna try to get all friendly with your leg.
Ew.
Look, look, are you telling me that he didn't try to pull any moves at this party? No! I mean, we barely even talked.
We Oh, god.
He is so lame.
So, uh, what do you want to do? You're having a party, Brad.
I kind of want to do that.
R-right.
R-remember when we were kids? That cowboy wallpaper in my room? Yeah? It's down.
Don't have it anymore.
Great! Yeah, it's blue now.
Well, that's good.
You like blue.
Definitely! So you want to see it? The blue? Yeah, if you want.
Now? Sure! No.
You know my parents are gone? So? So What are you talking about, Brad? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Heh heh! See, I told you! He had it on his mind.
Because you put it there.
All right, look, I might have given him some advice, but I certainly didn't tell him to suit up for the big game.
Ok, you talked about me with Brad.
You called the fire department on my ouija game.
It's so humiliating.
But we do things like this because we're concerned, and when we're concerned we get involved, and that leads to humiliation.
Yeah, you know, a lot of parents don't care enough about their kids to humiliate them.
But we do.
Mom, dad, could you try loving me without caring so much? We'll try.
For you.
Thank you.
Heh heh! See? My strategy worked.
Oh, you did not have a strategy.
Yes, I did.
I got some strategy.
Come on, let's go.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't really being myself.
I don't know what I was thinking.
It's just that You're so beautiful.
Seriously? Yeah.
That's really sweet, Brad.
Are you serious? Yeah.
Just a second.
Yeah! Come here, you little If I get my hands on you You better run! You have a son about this big, brown hair? Uh, yeah, yeah.
He's upstairs.
No, he's not.
Hey, dad! Henry, you come down from there right now! Fine.
Psych! Henry! My god, he does have the stuff.