Happily Divorced (2011) s02e04 Episode Script

Happily Divorced is shot before a live audience.
A dozen of those? Oh, two dozen.
No problem, we can deliver those tomorrow.
Sure.
That's the biggest order we've had all month.
Is it roses for a birthday, orchids for a wedding? Girl scout cookies for my daughter.
Oh, I tell you, Cesar, everything is so depressing today.
You read this paper, people are dying left and right.
One guy drives off a cliff, another one O.
D.
S And did we get one order for a funeral arrangement? Hey, Fran.
Oh, hi, sweetie.
Oh, wait till you hear my big news.
Boy, are you gonna love me.
Are you sure? 'Cause last time you gave me big news Not that thrilled.
You know that cute reporter - on channel six? - Yeah? Showed him a house today.
- And he bought it? - Nope.
- He wants to date me? - Nope.
- He wants to date you? - Nope.
Tuning out, Peter.
What the hell is it? Franny, who's the most successful small businesswoman we know? Well, Cesar's daughter's kicking some serious ass.
He wants to do a story on you, Fran.
Me? Why? On women who started businesses at home.
I told him how amazing you are, how you started with nothing, and you built it into this successful empire.
Oh, sweetie, you lied for me? Of course I did.
You know what this is gonna do for your business, Fran? It's gonna boom, I'm telling you.
Last week, he did that woman that makes those little, uh, koala bear key chains.
- Yeah? - She's raking it in.
You know how people are.
They watch something on television, and every idiot has to have one.
Look how cute.
Oh, Peter, you can't pay for advertising like this.
I know, you're gonna be on TV.
I'm gonna be on TV Oy, I'm gonna be on TV The TV puts on ten pounds.
That means I'm gonna have to lose 30.
- When do we shoot? - Thursday.
Well, that sucks.
Oh, stop it, you're gorgeous.
And this place looks like a magazine cover.
Oh, you're right.
It did come out so good.
I did a good job with it.
Oh, sweetie, I was so depressed not two minutes ago.
Look how things can just change on a dime.
Oh! - What was that? - Nothing.
It's just a little drip.
Didn't your dad fix this roof? Well, with a plastic bag and four rocks, which only proves that the only thing a jewish man should do on a roof is fiddle.
- Oh! - Ooh.
Oh, my God.
The drip turned into a stream.
Oh, jeez, wait a minute.
- Oh, oh! - It's okay, honey.
It's okay, it's just one little stream.
One little streams.
Oh, they say it's gonna rain like this all week.
They're not gonna wanna shoot the show here.
Calm down, it's just two little holes.
We'll have someone in to fix them.
With what? What are we gonna pay for it with? We'll sell something.
There must be something around here we don't need.
Like what? What do what? It doesn't matter.
Sell anything you want.
The important thing is that this place looks great, and you look great, and you will.
Okay.
You're right.
I mean, how much could it cost to patch a rooj? Ahh! She was certain that he was the one and only but their union always seemed a little forced she got married anyway turns out that he was gay they're still in love but now she's happily divorced Okay, those roofers? Amazing.
Didn't they do a fantastic job? I haven't seen it yet, but those roofers amazing.
Really? Are they good? 'Cause I need something done in my apartment.
- What? - Me.
Sweetie, I have to tell you, you are my hero.
- Stop.
- No.
I owe it all to you.
I mean, all of Southern California is gonna see frantastic flowers.
Why? Because of you.
And now frantastic flowers has a new roof, also because of you.
Fran, you really don't need to do this.
Keep going, what else do you have to say? Well, you were the one that said that we should sell anything that we don't need anymore, and I wracked my brains.
What could that be? Then it came to me.
What do we have that we don't need anymore that's worth a lot of money? I don't know.
What? Remember the family burial plots that my parents bought for the four of us? Well, now that we're divorced, I sold yours.
Well, look at you.
You thought of everything.
- You sold my burial plot? - Yeah, sweetie.
Because I said sell anything that we don't need.
- Yeah, sweetie.
- And you listened.
For the first time, finally, you listened.
Well, that's great.
Od, Fran, good.
Good, good, good, good - -Oh.
- What? - Did you see that? - See what? The look on his face when you told him you sold this plot.
What are you talking about? Fran, I think he's upset.
Don't be ridiculous, Judi.
I mean, we're divorced.
He doesn't expect to share a burial plot with me.
We don't even share a waterpik anymore.
I'm gonna go out and get some air.
Sweetie You're not upset, - are you? - No.
I didn't think so.
Where you going? I don't know.
I thought I knew, but now I don't! So then he storms out the front door like I did something wrong.
Well, you did.
You were horribly insensitive to your husband.
He's not my husband.
We sleep in separate rooms.
- We no longer have sex.
- Darling All relationships go through phases.
You have different needs, you change, you grow.
Yeah, well, I can't grow what he needs.
Franny, what time does your TV program start tonight? I wanna LSD it on the machine.
Daddy, it's Glen, are you not hearing what your daughter did to Peter? I'm hearing, I'm hearing.
But as far as I'm concerned, when I'm gone, just put me out with the trash like we did with that cat.
Ernie? You told me you buried Ernie with Nana.
Oh, yeah, of course.
We opened up grandma's grave to put in a one-eyed cat.
Fran, that was a family plot that you sold, and our son belongs there, not some stranger.
Why is everybody so concerned about who they're gonna be buried with? You're dead.
It's not like we're gonna be sharing a cabin with him at big bear.
What kind of cold, unfeeling person with someone she doesn't even know? I wouldn't do that, ma.
- I know her.
- Know who? Hello, neighbor.
I just thought I'd pop by and bring you a little something to thank you for starting my car.
Aw, thank you, Marilyn, but it was Peter who did that.
He's a keeper, that one.
I used a new bakery.
I-I hope it tastes okay.
I just wish I could be sure.
Well, Marilyn, would you like a piece? Oh, just a A sliver To test it.
Well, I'll see you around the pool.
I bought a new bikini in Israel.
They asked me not to wear it there.
For religious reasons.
Okay.
I want my darling Peter to be in there not that pain in the ass.
I don't see what the big deal is having Marilyn laying next to us.
Oh, yeah, Glen, you would love that.
Now that you can have your menage a trois that I said "over my dead body" Francine, you know you've done something very wrong.
You will not be able to live with yourself unless you set things right.
I'm not a bad person.
Darling, of course not.
You're a good person Who did a very, very bad thing.
Well, what am I supposed to do? I-I don't have the money to buy back the plot.
What vault, daddy? The can of chock full o' nuts on top of the fridge? Now we're gonna have to move it.
Marilyn, I made a mistake.
I shouldn't have sold Peter's burial plot.
I wasn't really thinking about his feelings, and now I need to get it back.
You can understand that, right? Oh, of course.
- Just tell me one thing.
- Yes? Are these all caramel, or are there ones on the bottom that I like? The thing is, I don't have t $3,000.
So I was thinking Maybe I can give you beautiful fresh flowers every single week until it's all payoff.
Well, I don't know.
I can windex these.
You know, the problem is, I didn't buy a single plot for myself.
I'm a vibrant woman in her prime.
I could meet someone.
Uh, okay.
I bought the plot to put my mother in.
Oh, you wanna move your mother there.
- Where is she now? - In the bedroom.
In an urn? No, a pantsuit.
Your mother is still alive? Let me check ma! What? Yep.
So you see, she has the deed to the plot now.
You're gonna have to ask her.
What do you want? Ma, you remember franny, the little Newman girl from our old neighborhood in queens? - Ah.
- Hi, Mrs.
Kapelmaster.
Oh, right, right.
Remember you.
I hear you dig chicks now.
Go for you.
Actually, it was my husband Yeah, I'm a lesbian.
Uh, Mrs.
Kapelmaster, I need to get back that burial plot, but I don't have the $3,000.
Sweetheart, I wouldn't take $3,000 from you.
- Oh, really? - I'm looking for $6,000.
But But that's double what she paid for it.
Inflation, honey.
$13 a pack.
I never thought I'd live to see it.
Neither did I.
But you've known me since I was born.
Which is why I'm letting you have it for $7,000.
But you just said $6,000.
Did I? I don't have the $7,000.
Please, Mrs.
Kapelmaster.
I-I-I'll do anything to make this right.
I'll I'll I'll I'll run errands for you.
I'll-I'll-I'll I'll take you to the doctor's.
Um, I can I can bathe you.
If I said no to Eleanor Roosevelt, I'm not giving it up to you.
Where is Peter already? The film crew's gonna be here any minute and I need him.
How does my makeup look? You look very natural.
Well, that sucks.
I need Peter to fluff me.
I mean, you're good too, but Peter was born to fluff.
Oh, Peter, where have you been? Oh, I'm sorry, my car broke down.
Had to hitchhike.
Are you crazy? You could've been killed.
Then where would I go? Peter, look, I know that you're upset about the plot, and I am really sorry.
I tried so hard to get it back, but I just couldn't.
I understand.
Thank you.
What I don't understand is how you could sell it in the first place.
Well, I said I was sorry.
Fine, let's just leave it at that.
Fine.
Just seems like a very cold thing to do.
- Excuse me? - What you did.
With my plot.
Cold.
I don't believe this.
Are you serious? I am standing here, apologizing to you, and frankly, I don even know if I did anything wrong.
Oh, well, let me clear it up You did.
What did I do? We're divorced.
Surely you didn't think that we were gonna be buried together.
I'm just a little shocked that it never occurred to you to ask me.
Those plots were for us.
What "us"? There is no more "us.
" There's just you and me.
You and me.
Fine.
I thought we felt the same.
Clearly have different desires.
Actually, we have the same desires.
Hence you And me! You know what, Fran? You're never gonna understand how I feel.
Because you have no right to feel the way you do.
You're right.
I have no right to feel it, but I do, Fran.
I can't help how I feel.
I thought I was a part of the family.
Peter, you're the one that left the family.
Because I'm gay, not because I stopped loving you you know that.
What you don't know is what it feels like to be tossed out of a family.
Where am I supposed to go, Fran? Where am I gonna end up? You know what, this is the first time since I've known you that I feel that you don't love me.
I feel like Completely alone.
All right, so this should be pretty simple, Fran.
In a few seconds, we're gonna go live.
I'll throw you a couple questions you just relax, and, uh, have fun, okay? - Okay.
- All right.
Thanks, D'Angela, I am here with Fran Lovett, a woman who made her dream bloom into reality right here in her own garage in Hancock park.
Excuse me, could you Could you turn that up, please? So Fran, tell us what inspired you to open frantastic flowers? Well, it was my husband.
I mean, my ex-husband.
He always thought that I was very talented in this area, and he was the one that said that we could take out a second on the mortgage, and he said that we could convert the garage much faster if we didn't take out any permits.
Okay, we do not recommend that.
Fran, tell us, do you remember your first sale? Oh, yes, it was my husband.
He bought the very first arrangement and made believe was a customer so that I would feel successful.
He'd do anything for me he even got me this television interview, because he cut your commission when he sold you that condo.
True, I made nothing.
Not a penny.
- I just wanted her to be happy.
- So Fran What do you think the key to your success is? I sold his grave.
But it was only because the roof caved in.
I didn't know that it would make him feel so unloved or not a part of the family.
I mean, how could he think that? He was the love of my life.
He is a part of my family.
He is my family.
Did you hear what she said Oh, my gosh.
You're the one.
Okay Back to you in the studio, d'Angela.
Frantast flowers.
Like us on Facebook.
Follow us on Twitter.
Oh, Petey, I'm so sorry.
I know, I know.
I saw it on TV.
- You did? - Yeah.
Did I look fat? No, you looked gorgeous.
You really popped.
Next then, we're gonna go with the Navy or the black.
But what you said, honey.
Oh, I don't even know what I said, I just know what I felt.
Oh, God, I was such an idiot.
You had every right to do what you did.
It's just that when you got it of the one final thing that held us together, I just felt that you were ending us.
Oh, no, I would never do that.
And you know what I thought? I'm gonna sell my burial plot, and with the money, we can buy two cheaper ones together.
Fran, you don't have to do that.
- Peter! - But, yay.
And look, I even found online already a place.
It's not fancy, but we can afford it.
Uh, that's because it's a pet cemetery.
Oh, no wonder they call it "four feet under.
" That's very clever oh, petey, you're always gonna be a part of my life.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
And I guess wherever you are is always gonna be home to me.
Well, let's not put that out in the universe.
Let's look at these plots as a back-up plan, 'cause you're gonna meet someone someday.
I will.
And I'm gonna meet someone.
You will.
We're gonna wanna end up with them.
Naturally.
And there's no way that I'm gonna be one of those chicks that hang out every Saturday night at some gay bar.
'Night, Fran.
'Night, fellas.
Mom, I know that you're upset.
About what you did to Peter? Or what you wore? Your meltdown? Or your not saying "hi, mom" after I told the whole building to watch? And yet, I keep coming back.
No, what I did to Peter.
You were right.
I did a bad thing.
But, mom, she made it all ay.
- We worked it out.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, thank God.
- Yep.
I found some cheaper cemetery plots so Peter and I can be together.
It's not in the nicest neighborhood.
But you know, when the gays move in, everything always gets nicer.
Wait a minute.
Where'd you get the money for this? I sold my burial plot.
Oh, great.
This is some family plot we've got here.
Me, Glen, and a couple of people we're not related to.
Who did you sell the plot to this Tim Hello.
Can you watch her while I get my hair done? She already had her nap.
Here's her bottle.