Hit-Monkey (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1
[mellow rock music playing]
I spent a lifetime looking for you ♪
Patiently waiting to fall into view ♪
And now that I've found you ♪
My running is over ♪
I have made it to the end of the road ♪
[lock clicking]
Hey, kiddo.
Is this real?
Because yesterday,
you were a barfing ghost,
and so, am I insane or
No, no, you're fine.
It's actually me.
Long time no see.
Cool, fuck off forever.
Wait, wait, I just wanna talk.
Last time you opened your mouth,
it cost me my job.
That was an accident.
I-I was a ghost then.
Today, I'm
I'm still a ghost, I just have a body.
For now, at least.
All I know is that I've literally
gone through hell to talk to you.
So please, please,
can I just have one minute?
[Iris exhales sharply]
[lock slides]
45 seconds, then the door slams.
Okay, here we go.
Um, I was an assassin,
and I know what you're thinking,
"That sounds cool as shit, Dad."
And it was.
But it was also dangerous.
You know, hence my death,
and why I hang out with a monkey now,
and, you know, why I
when I pour salt on myself,
it-it hurts like hell. It
Oh, it don't matter.
Look, I couldn't risk you
and your mom getting hurt,
so I stayed away.
And I promise you,
it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
So that's why you
came back from the dead,
to tell me that you're
the real victim in all of this?
What? No, no, no.
I came back because
I want you to understand
that this wasn't your fault.
It wasn't your mom's fault.
This is on me.
And I own that.
I just wanna make things right
with you, Iris.
You're about 20 years too late.
[door slams]
[mellow guitar music playing]
You have no idea how long I've waited
to feel you inside of me again.
[mellow guitar music continues]
[alcohol sloshing]
[mellow guitar music continues]
[music ends]
[Monkey grunts]
-Get that ass-scratcher outta my face.
-Ah!
Ah, damn it, I passed out in physical form
and blew through 12 hours.
I've gotta be more careful.
-[Monkey grunts]
-Like I said last night,
I have no idea how it happened, alright?
Maybe it was a gift
from the Big Guy upstairs
for all the good
we've been doing, you know?
Killing killers and all that.
[Monkey grunts]
All I know is my time
as fleshy Bryce is limited,
so I gotta make the most of it.
-Starting with Iris.
-[Monkey grunts]
I won her 10 grand bettin'
on the dogs last night.
A little, uh, unemployment gift,
you know, from Dad.
-[door clicking]
-[Haruka] I did it!
I found one of the Aldermen.
I had Boone send me a
[sniffing]
Oh, my God.
Yeah, well, you know, I get drunk,
the world becomes my toilet.
I think I liked Bryce better as a ghost.
Anyway, I've been combing through
the dead Aldermen financials.
And those dusty old pricks
all had one thing in common.
Each was a client of the same
New York-based hedge fund,
Parnassus Financial.
The firm's CEO is a man
named Yannis Calamarus.
He's been using his company
to fund political coups
and assassinations for years.
Calamarus was even the money man
behind the Ozu campaign back in Tokyo.
All of this is in line
with the Aldermen MO.
[Monkey grunting]
If you're suggesting we take this news
to The Co-Op, I'm with ya.
-[air whooshing]
-Oh, Jesus, Bryce.
I don't get it.
Why are you trying to get involved
with those wrinkled nutsacks?
You've already got
the best team in town, baby.
We're like the '98 Yankees
porked the '85 Bears.
-[Monkey grunting]
-Oh, The Co-Op is giving you purpose?
What about everything I've given you, huh?
Weapons, a-a sick pad.
Those badass shades.
You're cool
because of me, Monkey.
And cool trumps purpose
any day of the week.
Look, Monkey and I believe
in The Co-Op's mission.
If you don't, fine.
But don't be a dick.
[dramatic music playing]
-[door thuds]
-You wanna do this? Let's do it.
I've never been more psyched
to do something in my life.
-[Monkey grunting]
-No, you're right, Monkey.
The mission's not a big deal.
Nothing's a big deal.
Regaining physical form, no big deal.
Valiantly owning up
to your mistakes in a world
that rewards lying and gaslighting,
no big deal.
You wanna get this Calamari guy?
Then gear up and let's go.
-Okay.
-[Monkey huffs]
[energy crackling]
I'm so bored,
I could kill somebody for free.
Did you see the new truck nuts I got?
They're gonna be great
when I get a new truck. Whoa!
[hairpin whooshes, clinks]
Who's this now?
[electricity crackling]
[Jumpstart]
Holy shit, you're Lady Bullseye!
I was told this is where
I'd find the monkey.
You're looking for Hit-Monkey?
Is he, like, in trouble or somethin'?
We have some old business to address,
so, yeah, he's, like, in trouble.
And so are you if you don't
start answering my questions.
So where the hell is he?
Check the zoo.
We don't know any goddamn monkeys.
So you're more than welcome
to kindly piss off.
[suspenseful music playing]
If you see him,
tell him I'm comin' for him.
-You got a number or an email?
-[door slams]
[Bryce]
This is a great idea.
You thought I was badass before?
[chuckles] Just wait till you see me now.
-Uh, Bryce?
-I am like Rocky IV montage come to life.
Bryce, there's no one here.
Don't you think a trading floor
would be packed
on a Tuesday morning?
[third eye thrumming]
Today is not some weird
American holiday, right?
Yeah, it's national ass-whooping day
[all yell]
-[Monkey grunts]
-[metal clanking]
Oh, God. Maybe I shouldn't have
given up that sword.
-[metal clanking]
-What?
You don't think we can take out this
'roided-out Pure Moods commercial?
Pure what?
-[Monkey grunts]
-Oh!
-[air whooshing]
-[Monkey grunts]
[Haruka groans]
Oh, shit.
[punches thudding]
[Monkey grunting]
[fist thuds]
This isn't working.
He's anticipating our every move.
Oh, yeah?
Anticipate this.
-[fist thuds]
-[Bryce grunts]
Gah! It's like we're fighting Neo
in the good Matrix.
[gunshots]
[bullet whooshing]
-[grunts]
-[Yannis whooshing]
-Too slow.
-Shit!
-[fist thuds]
-[Haruka grunts]
[glass shattering]
Looks like the market's about to crash.
[glass shattering]
[gunshot]
[groans] Or it's about to rally.
-[gunshots]
-[Bryce grunting]
[Monkey grunting]
[Bryce grunts]
[whirring]
-[glass shatters]
-[thudding]
[grunting]
[Monkey whines]
Is that the ghost?
-I thought he'd look more
-[Bryce groans]
capable.
[bullets clinking]
I forgot how much dying hurts.
[Boone]
Look, I'm glad you're okay.
But what you did back there
was beyond stupid.
Do you understand?
We have been
tracking this guy for two years.
And you jeopardized our entire mission
because you just had to play
with the big boys, didn't ya?
Easy, Hot Topic.
You're not the big boys.
We're the big boys.
No, we're the big boys!
That's something a small boy would say.
Don't you have a dollhouse
to haunt or something?
No.
I don't understand.
If The Co-Op knew about Calamarus,
why haven't you gone after him?
Because his weapon is a third eye
which allows him to see two minutes
into the future.
So, in addition to using it
to amass a fortune
manipulating the stock market,
he's also unstoppable in battle.
He knows what we're doing
before we know what we're doing.
Although it doesn't seem like
you're the type
who knows what he's doing in general.
Whoa, lady, we literally just met.
According to our contact at Teterboro,
Calamarus' jet is scheduled
to leave town tonight.
If he gets away,
who knows if we'll ever find him again.
You guys can't go
after him without a plan.
It's a suicide mission.
My entire life has been a suicide mission.
Oh, my God.
What? That was a cool line.
[Monkey grunting]
Nah, bro, this team's already got
a gun guy.
And one without
such an itchy trigger finger.
Double-Tap is right.
You've already done enough.
It's time to let the professionals
handle the situation.
-Sorry, Monkey.
-[Monkey whines]
♪♪
[Bryce] So, who's hungry?
I'm thinking Thai, right?
-[Monkey grunting]
-Oh, come on, bud.
Don't be mad.
These guys are clowns with a capital C.
Y-you know what, in fact, all caps.
You heard them.
They're going on a suicide mission.
-Willingly!
-[Monkey growling]
What?
You think that's commendable?
Haruka, please tell this monkey
how utterly batshit he sounds.
Monkey, apparently Bryce's new body
didn't come with a new heart.
He's still the same selfish prick.
Just in a shinier shell.
Hey, what if it's not too late?
Uh, what if I know
a way to beat this guy?
Unless you have a way
of stopping the future, it's pointless.
I can't stop the future, but I know a guy
who may be able to help slow it down.
[exciting music playing]
-You got nothin'!
-[fist thuds]
Come on now, get those hands up.
I've got 10K on the one in red.
You mean the one
whose face is getting tenderized?
[Monkey grunting]
No, you're right, that money is for Iris.
But it's not gambling
when Snail's involved.
[chuckles] We used to make
a killing fixing fights out here.
[chuckles] Great.
So one of your degenerate gambling buddies
is gonna help us defeat a jacked-up,
lightning-quick billionaire,
who can see into the future?
Trust me.
You're gonna love him.
Snail is the tits.
Only guy to drink me under the table.
-Hey, there he is!
-[bell dings]
[clock ticking]
One, two ♪
One, two ♪
One, two, let's rock ♪
[bell dings]
Nighty-night! [yells]
[music slows]
[clock ticking]
[fist thuds]
-[crowd cheering]
-[boxer thuds]
-What?
-[Monkey grunting]
What just happened?
I just tripled Iris' money
is what just happened.
[people chattering]
Just like old times, right, buddy?
Taint! You old son of a bitch,
get over here!
-[Bryce groans]
-[laughs]
I thought you were dead.
Well, it's a long story.
Let me at those li'l pickles.
-Aye, oh, aye.
-[Bryce laughing]
[honkytonk music playing]
[air whooshes]
Man, guess I overpoured.
Must be your lucky day.
Yeah, I get lucky like that.
So you need my help killing
this coked-up monk, huh?
Yeah, by slowing down the present,
you'll also be slowing down the future.
Which will give us a fighting chance
at defeating Foreskin, uh, Foresight.
I dunno.
It sounds time-consuming.
And I'm not about to devote
a week of my life
for your mission.
Well, I think you misunderstood.
This isn't going to take long.
We're talking five,
ten minutes at most.
Which actually is long for Snail.
Every time he uses his power,
it ages him up.
That's why he looks old as shit.
I look good.
Hey, you want my help?
What's in it for me?
[Monkey grunting]
-What?
-Oh, no, no, no,
Snail's not really interested
in saving the world, Monkey.
I mean, you're more of a shiny object
kinda asshole, right?
And right now,
ain't nothing glittering, Taint.
I'm sorry, but why do you
keep calling him Taint?
Because he's somewhere
between a dick and an ass, princess.
-[fist thudding]
-[both laughing]
Well, yeah, well, this
neither-a-dick-nor-an-ass
-is about to get you paid.
-Oh, yeah?
The fight's going down
at Teterboro tonight,
and there's sure to be plenty
of wealthy jet-setters
with expensive jewelry, luggage, and cash
all for the taking.
So what do you say, Chub Lord?
I say I can rob people
any day of the week.
-Why would I do this?
-Because I'm your friend.
And you owe me, remember?
From when I killed
your ex-wife's lawyer.
[groans]
Alright.
[tense music playing]
-Uh, uh, uh, uh.
-[gasps]
[gasps] You really think
you can take Lady Bullseye?
No.
But fortunately,
Lady Bullseye died in Tokyo.
What are you talking about?
Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
See, I plan on making a name for myself
as the one who took
the famous Lady Bullseye's head.
-Come here.
-[Akiko yelping]
[glass shatters]
[Akiko groaning]
I can't tell.
Are your eyes bulging out of fear
or lack of oxygen?
[Vega groaning, screaming]
You bitch!
[suspenseful music playing]
-[door thudding]
-[Akiko groaning]
Open the goddamn door!
-[wood cracks]
[Akiko yelps]
[Vega cackling]
-[door thuds]
-[Akiko groaning]
I'm gonna rip off your jaw
and shove it down your throat.
[bone cracking]
[Vega laughing]
[Akiko groaning]
-[Vega groaning]
-[blood splattering]
[Akiko gasping]
[Vegas choking]
[Akiko yelling]
Are you enjoying this now?
[panting]
[vomit splatters]
-[panting]
-[lights buzzing]
[flickering]
[rock music playing]
Dude, you're still living in a van?
Well, you know, I bounce between here
and The Four Seasons,
depending on my financial situation.
And my personal safety situation.
Hey, Bananas-and-Cream,
there's a box
back there on the hot plate.
Hand it forward, will ya?
Oh, whatever you do,
do not take these out.
Our teeth are kinda the least
of our concerns right now.
-[Snail snorting]
-[snot rocket splatters]
[Snail] The enzymes in the mucus
will serve as a force field
around your right prefrontal cortex,
protecting your brain
from the time dilation.
I'm sorry, Monkey,
I wish he was kiddin'.
I got one for you too, Taint.
Oh, fun.
If this guy normally operates
two minutes ahead of everyone else,
he should be pulled into the present
as the future will be moving
at a much slower rate.
So it'll effectively take away
his two-minute head start.
Okay, if we can take him in a fair fight,
we should be good?
Depends what your definition of good is.
-[Snail snorting]
-[snot rocket splatters]
Oh, gross.
[gagging]
It's for the greater good.
[Monkey whimpering]
[engine humming]
-[third eye thrumming]
-Huh?
[blades whirring]
[suspenseful music playing]
There are four planes ahead of him.
He's a sitting duck. It's time.
I'm on it.
[ray whooshing]
[Double-Tap]
He's not coming out.
Why's he not coming out?
Why's he not coming Oh!
-[Foresight chuckling]
-Let me go!
[gunshots]
[Foresight grunts]
-[Double-Tap thudding]
-[grenade pin clinks]
-Damn.
-[Foresight] Here's one for you!
[Double-Tap] Everybody get down!
[explosion booming in slow-motion]
Wh-what is this?
I don't understand.
Alright, let's Ginsu this bitch.
[Monkey screeches]
-[sword swishing]
-[Foresight grunts]
Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
[Haruka grunting]
-[sword swishing]
-[Monkey growling]
[Haruka grunting]
She's a friggin' statue!
I can't move her!
Can you handle the one-eyed monster
while I help Haruka?
[Monkey agreeing]
[Monkey screeching]
-[Haruka grunting]
-[Bryce groaning]
I'm really struggling
to not make a weight joke.
Wow. You're evolving before my eyes.
Ooh.
[explosion booming]
[Foresight sighing]
That's better.
[Monkey chittering]
Oh, shit.
What are you doing?
We're not done.
Eh, sucks for you, 'cause I am.
I ain't about to go geezer
saving your buddies.
No, hey, what about the divorce lawyer?
No, we are square
on the lawyer thing, alright?
I'll tell you what.
I'll do it for that brick of cash
you won at the boxing match.
Come on, man, please.
That was for my daughter.
Suit yourself.
-[Foresight grunting]
-[Monkey chittering]
Huh?
You wanna do this?
-[Bryce grunts]
-[Foresight yelling]
The future ain't looking so bright
these days, huh, numbnuts?
[Foresight groaning]
[Foresight groaning]
No, no, no, no, no!
-[blood splattering]
-[groaning]
[engine roaring]
[Monkey grunting]
[Monkey chittering]
No one should look that happy
while standing in a pile of brain, bud.
[chuckles]
Oh, man, that was sick.
Welcome to the team, Monkey.
I'm so glad you're okay.
-[Amara] Nice work, Monkey.
-Double-Tap's impressed.
Alright, come on, let's go celebrate.
I need to know
how you stopped the future, man,
because I thought I was dead.
Well fuck this.
[gentle music playing]
[knocking on door]
You don't wanna talk to me.
I get it.
I just wanted to say
I'm sorry I got you fired.
I had this whole plan
of how I was gonna help you.
But like everything
in my life, it fell to shit.
So I don't have anything for you.
Except the truth.
I was not completely honest before.
Yes, I-I did want to keep you
and your mom safe.
But the real reason
I never came back was because
well, I was a chicken shit.
Being an assassin gutted me.
So, you know, I turned to vice
as a way of numbing myself.
And it worked.
[chuckles]
To the point that I
no longer felt anything.
You know the pain was gone but
well, I mean,
so was everything else.
Look, look, I was never a great guy, okay.
But I was a decent guy.
Who, you know, who tried.
And who cared.
Until I didn't.
I became a selfish, soulless asshole
surrounded by other
selfish, soulless assholes
I thought were my friends.
And now the only friend
I've ever had is drifting away.
And I'm scared
I'm gonna be alone again.
For the first time, I'm starting to see
what I've done to you.
You know, creating this feeling
of not being wanted.
Or not being needed.
And the pain that I'm going through
is only a sliver
of what you must have felt
your entire life.
I-I'm not gonna apologize
because I know there's no apology
big enough for what I've done.
So, the best I can do
is just let you get back to your life.
[look clicking]
Well, at least you didn't try
to buy your way
into my life with another bag of cash.
You want a drink?
[gentle music continues]
-[flames crackling]
-[metal clanking]
[hooves thudding]
[fighters roaring]
Tartarus will hold, sir.
But it's a pyrrhic victory.
Our army is depleting fast.
If we're to fend off the rebels,
we need more boots on the ground.
[The Devil chuckling]
Don't worry your pretty
little head about it, General.
The soldiers are on their way.
I've found myself
a symbiotic relationship.
Which is about to bring us big things.
["All Wrong Decisions"
by Walter de Castro playing]
[inaudible dialogue]
Dreaming high, living low ♪
Expectations can't be bought ♪
Teenage dreams, years ago ♪
Came to an end, you let go ♪
♪♪
Wrong decisions ♪
Wrong decisions ♪
[fanfare plays]