How To Make It In America s02e04 Episode Script
It's Not Even Like That
Previously on How to Make It in America I thought you guys would be perfect to design the new Saint Max's graduation t-shirt.
Saint Maximilian's high school? I keep waiting for you and me to become something, but It never does.
Louis and I aren't really feeling this.
If you weren't inspired, you shouldn't have taken a job.
When I think back on how we were, I get this I get like a bad feeling in my stomach.
Art works when it communicates the truth.
Maybe we should go honest, a little more personal with it.
I love it.
What's up? Rough day? I want it to feel like my head doesn't exist.
Are you ready for the Rasta Monsta, baby? What the fuck is a Rasta Monsta? I'm the Rasta Monsta! No, no, no, no! I need a dollar dollar - a dollar, that's what I need - hey hey well, I need a dollar dollar - a dollar, that's what I need - hey hey said I need a dollar dollar a dollar, that's what I need and if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me? well, I don't know if I'm walking on solid ground and all I want is for someone to help me and I need a dollar dollar a dollar, that's what I need and if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me? ( alarm buzzing ) ( groans ) - ( alarm stops ) - shh.
Oh my god, you cannot keep me up so late.
These mornings are fuckin' brutal.
A little wake and bake to take the edge off.
I gotta be at work in 30 minutes.
See, that's why I'm self-employed.
I'm already at the office.
( groans ) - ( door opens ) - ( lighter clinks ) They seen the video? That's crazy! Eddie: Seen it? He loves it.
He loves it so much he wants to meet with fredo.
- They liked the fire? - Hell yeah.
He said all the kids in the area are asking for rasta monsta.
And check this out-- he wants to test it in his chain, A skateboard store called vert.
There's 32 in southeast new England alone.
This could be really big.
How big is the order? It's a really great start.
That's good.
( breathes heavily ) I gotta-- I got-- I gotta go, eddie.
For real, debbie, This is such a special moment for me right now.
( sniffles ) And I'm so glad you're here to experience it with me.
Ooh.
"my little buddy from grade school had graduated to manhood.
Ethan had fallen in love with beautiful bianca.
" It sucks, right? This sucks? - Nah, you're doing good.
- I can't read a best-man speech.
I should just have ben do it, right? - ( cell phone rings ) - cam: No, try-- Shit.
- So ben's going? - Yeah.
Me, ben and ethan-- we all went to high school together.
- Oh cool.
- It was actually Ben and Rachel That set up ethan and bianca on their first blind date.
That means rachel's probably gonna be there too.
- Kappo, you want my advice? - Yes.
Lose the paper, speak from the heart.
Kappo, I got something for your public-speaking woes, all right? I know you got some troubles.
This, gentlemen, Is the latest in public consumption: Thc spray.
One spray you're good.
Two sprays and you'll be doing Your own fucking version of the king's speech.
( cell phone ringing ) - ( beeps ) - does this work just like weed? Yeah.
Try it.
Hey, um, let me ask you guys a question.
How would you feel if me and Rachel were to get together? - What?! - Ben's Rachel? Yeah, I mean she hasn't even been dating him for like a year.
Oh, who cares? Rachel is always gonna be Ben's girl in my mind.
- Okay, calm down.
- Dude, I know that look.
- What? - Did something already happen? - Forget it.
- How could you do that? Dude, for real, you wanna make something happen With rachel, you gotta talk to ben.
Okay.
Forget it.
It's not even like that.
I'll talk to ben.
Are we cool? Nancy: And before that, he was the buyer for barneys Until he left to open up his own store-- south willard.
I think he's gonna really like your hoodies.
- Yeah? - ( laughs ) Black's good on you.
You should wear more of it.
All right, let's see what you got here.
Where's the new stuff? Yeah, we could use some updating.
I can't sell this.
First of all, you guys can't be in it.
It's kind of cheesy.
- It looks like you can't afford real models.
- We can't.
Well, you don't need to let people know that.
I mean, I'm sure you've got some hot friends somewhere, right? Just shoot them.
Gotta make it look cool-- you know, upscale, professional.
- When does ryan get in? - Monday.
Done.
We'll shoot a new one this weekend.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
( laughs ) I love that.
- "we'll just shoot another one this weekend.
" - easy.
- Very cool.
- So sorry I'm late.
Yes, it's good that you could come here, cam.
We kind of have covered everything though, right? - Yeah.
- Ben'll bring you up to speed.
- Upscale.
- High-class.
I got a location that could be dope.
- I'ma take care of it.
- All right, cool.
I was gonna ask domingo if he should model.
What do you think? - You wanna use domingo? - Yeah.
- Dom's a good look, no? - Yeah, maybe.
You know, kappo would kill to do it too.
That could be cool, kind of unexpected.
Come on, cam, are you serious? Yeah, no no no, you're right.
- Let's use domingo.
- Yeah.
All right, cool.
Robin: Oh, and my lunch today is for sure gonna go long, So if you could go to the meeting, take notes And let isabelle know I'm running late.
Okay.
Has anybody ever told you You've got like a hostile listening face? Um, what? - N-- no, I guess not.
- It's so weird.
It's like you listen, but your face Reads this sort of "I hate you.
" Robert from legal brought it up.
- I totally see it.
- Oh, sorry.
Anyway, you were 15 minutes late today.
Yes.
I'm sorry about that.
- The train was like-- - ah ah ah ah.
Rachel, I don't want anybody who doesn't want to be here.
People would kill for this job-- I mean literally kill.
I-- I don't think you mean literally.
I need to see your passion for "biscuit.
" If you don't wanna be here, let me know now.
I wanna be here.
I l-love it here.
Good.
Pump up the passion.
- Domingo: What's this, man? - Ben: Adam tushman's bar mitzvah invite.
- What? - A freelance gig.
Man, the jews love black people, don't they? It's the shared oppression.
So you know, rachel's a custy now.
- Rachel buys weed? - Yeah.
- What? - Now I know it's weird, but if it's cool with you, I was thinking about asking her for dinner.
Is there a shortage of 18-year-old model chicks arriving from minnesota? Pshh, no, man.
She went dog walking with me one day.
It was really cool.
I just wanted to run it by you, see how you felt about it.
( laughs ) Well, not to sound like a dick, But the whole reason for Rachel and I not working out was about me not being career-motivated.
- O-kay.
- You know, and-- I mean, you got the dog walking and the weed dealing.
I just-- I hate to see you Waste your time with her, you know? Yeah, I mean I get it.
I get it.
No worries.
So when do you guys need me to get my zoolander on? - 10:00.
- Am? - Yes.
- You got it, bro.
- All right.
- See you.
- See you.
- Come on, mooshoo.
( kisses ) Wow.
I see how it goes.
Work the girl to get to the dad.
- Come on, it's not even like that.
- It isn't? We just need a location that feels premium for the look book.
And you know nothing's more premium than your dad's place.
Look, it's not a bad thing.
You got balls.
My dad will like that.
Your dad likes balls? You're funny.
And you're beautiful, lulu.
Look, cam, You don't have to hustle me, all right? But if you wanna bring some Bruno Cannoli when you go over there, My dad will be into that.
Gangsta.
( music playing ) I wanna get a od luck charm for my good luck charm.
Aw, Rene.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- What do you like? - Oh, I don't know.
Oh my gosh, those canaries like inka trump wears.
Can we see those? Oh, you can't get those for me.
Those are too much.
Hey, where I come from, we say "you go big or you go home.
" Yeah, okay, papÃ.
Just don't go too big and go homeless.
You're a good woman And you give a hell of a wake-up call.
Try 'em on.
( cell phone ringing ) - ( beeps ) - hi.
Do you wanna take the train To ethan and bianca's wedding with me? Um Sure.
Why not? Well, unless you got other plans.
Uh No.
Do I have a-- do I have a hostile listening face? I don't know.
Why are you asking me this? Because I was at work and-- You know what-- you do actually.
I do? Yeah, my-- my boss hates me for it.
What? You can't help that.
That's not fair.
It's like a disability.
- Maybe you could sue.
- Oh my god, I'm getting off the phone.
- Hey hey.
- Hey, boss, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah yeah, sure.
Remember how you told me not to come to you with problems But to think things through and come to you with solutions? - Yeah.
- Well, you need to write rasta monsta A $30,000 check from your personal account.
- What happened? - Jabar: The bottling plant-- They can't fulfill the vert order.
It's too big and we're kind of maxed out creditwise.
What? We don't have the cash on hand, So I figured why not dip into your personal Till we collect on accounts due? That's your solution? That's what you came up with? That I should pay the difference? Mike's idea was to go rob some drug dealers.
I told him we can't do that kind of stuff no more.
- But I was only kidding.
I wasn't serious.
- Yeah right.
So you're saying I should cover it? Puñeta, man.
You guys still don't get it, man.
You're in charge of accounts receivable.
- Who owes us money? - Half of flushing.
- That's park territory? - Yeah.
Ben:So you getting settled in? I honestly haven't even properly unpacked And I'm in the middle of starting this job And I'm really just a mess when it comes to that.
- Are you seeing anybody? - What? No.
I mean, there is this one guy Sort of outside of my world, Like an unusual choice for me.
Like a cowboy? Yeah, he's a cowboy.
His name's cowboy rudy.
He's a cowboy.
How'd you guess? Maybe you should give cowboy rudy a shot.
You never know, right? Felix, man, I need to ask you for a serious favor.
I normally wouldn't ask you, But it's kind of an emergency.
What, do you need a kidney? Can I use yo place for a photo shoot tomorrow? See,e gotta update our look book.
But in order to do that, we've gotta shoot it In a premium good location,so I.
Mm-hmm.
What's your budget? - Around three.
- 3,000? Hundred dollars.
Nah.
No no, you can't.
( laughing ) I'm just fuckin' with you.
No, I don't want your money.
See, for me it's not about the money.
If you wanna use my place, Well, you're gonna have to win it.
( cam grunting ) Aah! Ow.
Oh, my back.
Shit, you all right? ( laughing ) Oh, that was tremendous.
Cam, that was tremendous! Oh.
( music playing ) Woman: Yeah, how are you doing? - Hey.
Piper.
- Hey, guys.
- How are you? - Hi.
- How great is this? - Yeah.
I mean, I can't believe you set them up on a blind date And now they're getting married.
- You guys, it's crazy.
- It is pretty crazy, right? So how long have you two been together now? - Oh well, we're not actually together.
- Yeah, we're buddies.
Oh.
You still look really good together, guys.
- Thanks.
- Um Is that a weird thing to say? - No, it's-- - no.
I'm sorry.
I'm already wasted.
- I'm gonna see you inside.
- See you, pipe.
- Hey, David.
- Hello, Rachel.
What's wrong, man? I can't give this speech, man.
I'm getting hives.
Oh, come on, you'll be fine.
Just speak from your heart.
That's what everyone says.
What if what's in my heart sucks? ( sprays ) W hundreds on the table, itwenties on the floor fresh outta work and on the way with some more - and I love it - yeah and I love it I got gangsters in the crowd, bad bitches at my show Rene: Wepa.
- ( turns off stereo ) - rene: You see those moves, eddie? That's the running man right there.
Yeah, that's the chino culo, bro.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Yeah, y'all are funny.
Everybody got jokes.
Yo, where's your father? My father? ( scoffs ) You must've not got the memo, homie.
Pops retired.
I'm the head korean in charge of this bitch.
- All 16 stores? - Yo, 17, nigga.
We just opened up on merrick boulevard.
So you're the new ceo now, huh? - Yeah.
- That's good.
I wamoney.
We on a 30-day cycle.
Come on, you'll get your money.
Come on, you know we good to you, baby.
It's been 42 days.
Come on, work with a brother, man.
Times is hard on the boulevard for all of us.
Oh! ( groans ) Out of respect for your father You get this one warning.
You don't want me coming back here again, okay? What are we gonna do now? I know where I c get the money.
these arms of mine I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
- ( ( applause ) - yeah! - It's all right, rachel.
- I'm sorry.
It's okay.
these arms of mine they are yearning ( sprays ) yearng fr wanting you.
( loud chatter ) ( clinking ) ( chatter stops ) ( clears throat ) "when two corporations merge, the results are unknown.
Even the best analysts on wall street can't predict How this new single entity will perform.
But in the case of ethan and bianca, I think it's safe to say call your broker And get in on the ground floor.
" ( silence ) ( sprays ) Look, I'm not really good at public speaking.
Um I just wanna say this-- Seeing my dear friend ethan and his new wife bianca, It's beautiful.
It's hard to find your soulmate.
I don't know how to do it.
I-- I know this though-- You can't live in an imaginary world And expect to find something real.
Ethan and bianca have always been real with each other.
I've never seen a couple like this.
They celebrate each other's imperfections, 'cause it's not about fairy tales; It's about what's in your heart.
What's in their heart is-- is love.
It's perfefiery,mperfect, tit's unconditional, And, most of all, it's real.
Mazel tov.
- All: Mazel tov.
- Man: Here here.
( all cheering ) come on, eileen - oh, I swear - well, he means at this moment you mean everything with you in that dress, oh my thoughts I confess verge on dirty Hi, baby.
You want me to warm up some chuletas y arroz con gandules? Ooh, you're too good to me.
( chuckles ) ( sighs ) - ( microwave beeping ) - so I got you something.
You already got me something.
I got you something better.
What's that? Open it.
Oh my god! They're ginormous.
Rene, what are you doing? Take those off.
I upgraded you.
- Are you serious? - Only the best for my girl.
I don't want these.
Wh-- what do you mean you don't want them? - Look at them.
- I like mine better.
Why would you buy me fake diamonds, rene? What are you talking about? Look, I got these from this sephardic brother-- I know diamonds.
Those are fake.
Why would you do me like that? I'm telling you they're not fake.
They're a little dusty.
Just a little polishing, that's it.
I've dated hoods my whole life-- Always 60â short on the fucking dollar.
- I'm not a hood.
- Well, from where I'm standing, you look like another broke-ass hustler Trying to get over on somebody.
But I'm smarter than that.
- I think you should just leave.
- Aw, come on, debbie.
It's not even like that.
Look, they're just earrings.
Well, good.
You keep the big ones And I'll keep the little ones as a parting gift.
Thank you.
( box closes ) Is she asleep? Oh yeah.
( grunts ) I wanted to talk to you about-- There's something that's been eating me up inside.
What's up? I don't even know if I should say anything Because I don't know anything officially, But I got a pretty bad feeling about it.
All right, now you're starting to scare me.
Just tell me.
- Just say it.
- What? The sec is investigating my boss.
- And if he talks, I'm next.
- What? Last summer I was at a conference in vegas And I met this cute analyst chick And we got wasted And she drunkenly told me some things.
And I stupidly told them to my boss And he ran with it.
I don't understand.
Is that illegal? Ben, I'm more than likely gonna go to the federal pen.
What? Are you serious? Yeah.
You'd still be my friend if I was broke? Of course.
No, okay, you say that, but think about it.
There's gonna be no more car service, No more bottles at the clubs, no more dinners, - No more park avenue apartment.
- Come on, man.
Those things, they're cool, but that's not the reason I'm friends with you.
Look, I got a couch with your name on it should you ever need it.
Take this.
What did we just talk about? - Keep your watch.
- Ben - no, I want you to have it.
- I'm not no.
Or you can hawk it and pay your rent for three years.
- Take it, take it.
- Kappo, keep your watch.
Okay, man? - ( music playing over stereo ) - this is really good.
Yes.
Cheap and drinkable.
Sorry, dude.
Not gonna happen for you right now.
Why? What's wrong? You smell like my father.
We need to take a shower.
I'll be your love bright love be your love bright love - This is it, huh? - Yep.
Okay.
- So - So? It was a fucking great day.
- Yeah, it was.
- Yeah.
Let me say something, and I know you're gonna think I'm insane, But I'm just gonna say it.
- Yeah, say it.
- Okay.
You know the guy I was telling you that I'm seeing? - Yeah.
- Cowboy rudy? - Yes, cowboy rudy.
- Okay.
Maybe you won't even care.
I don't know.
I just wanna-- I wanted to tell you So that you didn't find out from somebody else.
Um, cowboy rudy Is domingo.
I know.
It's weird.
Are you pissed? You're pissed.
No, I'm Not pissed.
I'm just A little surprised.
Yeah, that's why I was gonna tell you, but it's like-- - It's cool.
- It is? - Yeah.
- Okay, cool.
I think you guys make a great-- great couple.
- Ben, we're not a couple.
- Have a good night, rach.
Fuck.
how you gonna do me like this? - how you gonna do me like that? - ( sighs ) - how you gonna do me - you good? ( derisive laugh ) I am wasted in a bar then went drinking in the streets hanging out, always sleeping in hallways Oh! Aah! The hell, yo?! - You're gonna break my neck, yo! - Rene: I want my money And I want it now.
All right, man.
Ease up on the chain, yo.
I'll pay you.
I will pay you! ow you gonna do me like that? how you gonna do me - What's up, bro? - Not much.
- What's up with you? - Nothing much.
Ready to get my fuckin' vogue on, that's what's up.
So I spoke with rachel last night.
- She says you guys are dating.
- Aw st, man.
What, you fuck her and then you ask me if it's cool to take her to dinner? Fam, it's not even like that, all right? This shit was so random the way it happened.
The way it happened? You tell me how it happened, 'cause you came at me with some half-assed dog-walking bullshit And the whole time you're lying to me.
- That's lame, man.
- Okay, you wanna be real? - Yeah, be real.
- I like rachel And rachel likes me, the dog-walking drug dealer.
Who would've thought that shit, huh? - Whatever, man.
- Yeah, whatever.
Domingo! Yo! Come back.
Let's work this shit out after.
Well, fuck you then, you little ho.
Fuck you! What are we gonna do now? Did you know about him and rachel? No, not officially.
Wow.
- Where is the loyalty, man? - What do you want me to say? I told him to talk to you immediately.
It's pretty fucked up, right? It's whatever.
What are we gonna do about this photo shoot? We improvise.
what is hip? Tell me, tell me if you think you know, what is hip? if you're really hip, the passing years would show you into a hip trip maybe hipper than hip - what is hip? - man: Felix diflorio, right? Yeah.
You know who he is? - I go to svu.
We study him.
- Very cool.
- So what do you think of the look book? - It's cool.
It came out all right, didn't it? Yeah.
There's this one margin over there-- It's a little bit messed up, But I could run it through the machines again.
- You want it to be perfect, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I do.
- Cool.
- Hey, thanks, man.
- No problem.
( whirring ) - ( tv playing in background ) - ( cell phone ringing ) - ( beeps ) - Ben.
- ( tv turns off ) - no no, I just-- I dozed off.
I was watching "The Cosby Show.
" When I was little, I used to dream that dr.
Huxtable would adopt me.
I was just checking in on you.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm good.
- Thanks for calling, man.
- Of course.
- Hit me tomorrow.
- Yeah, I will.
All right, cool.
Peace.
your choice was right no chance to be there now I swear I'm done you'll want to leave your path it's yours to find it's all you've ever done you're falling down you're falling down to us.
( vocalizing )
Saint Maximilian's high school? I keep waiting for you and me to become something, but It never does.
Louis and I aren't really feeling this.
If you weren't inspired, you shouldn't have taken a job.
When I think back on how we were, I get this I get like a bad feeling in my stomach.
Art works when it communicates the truth.
Maybe we should go honest, a little more personal with it.
I love it.
What's up? Rough day? I want it to feel like my head doesn't exist.
Are you ready for the Rasta Monsta, baby? What the fuck is a Rasta Monsta? I'm the Rasta Monsta! No, no, no, no! I need a dollar dollar - a dollar, that's what I need - hey hey well, I need a dollar dollar - a dollar, that's what I need - hey hey said I need a dollar dollar a dollar, that's what I need and if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me? well, I don't know if I'm walking on solid ground and all I want is for someone to help me and I need a dollar dollar a dollar, that's what I need and if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me? ( alarm buzzing ) ( groans ) - ( alarm stops ) - shh.
Oh my god, you cannot keep me up so late.
These mornings are fuckin' brutal.
A little wake and bake to take the edge off.
I gotta be at work in 30 minutes.
See, that's why I'm self-employed.
I'm already at the office.
( groans ) - ( door opens ) - ( lighter clinks ) They seen the video? That's crazy! Eddie: Seen it? He loves it.
He loves it so much he wants to meet with fredo.
- They liked the fire? - Hell yeah.
He said all the kids in the area are asking for rasta monsta.
And check this out-- he wants to test it in his chain, A skateboard store called vert.
There's 32 in southeast new England alone.
This could be really big.
How big is the order? It's a really great start.
That's good.
( breathes heavily ) I gotta-- I got-- I gotta go, eddie.
For real, debbie, This is such a special moment for me right now.
( sniffles ) And I'm so glad you're here to experience it with me.
Ooh.
"my little buddy from grade school had graduated to manhood.
Ethan had fallen in love with beautiful bianca.
" It sucks, right? This sucks? - Nah, you're doing good.
- I can't read a best-man speech.
I should just have ben do it, right? - ( cell phone rings ) - cam: No, try-- Shit.
- So ben's going? - Yeah.
Me, ben and ethan-- we all went to high school together.
- Oh cool.
- It was actually Ben and Rachel That set up ethan and bianca on their first blind date.
That means rachel's probably gonna be there too.
- Kappo, you want my advice? - Yes.
Lose the paper, speak from the heart.
Kappo, I got something for your public-speaking woes, all right? I know you got some troubles.
This, gentlemen, Is the latest in public consumption: Thc spray.
One spray you're good.
Two sprays and you'll be doing Your own fucking version of the king's speech.
( cell phone ringing ) - ( beeps ) - does this work just like weed? Yeah.
Try it.
Hey, um, let me ask you guys a question.
How would you feel if me and Rachel were to get together? - What?! - Ben's Rachel? Yeah, I mean she hasn't even been dating him for like a year.
Oh, who cares? Rachel is always gonna be Ben's girl in my mind.
- Okay, calm down.
- Dude, I know that look.
- What? - Did something already happen? - Forget it.
- How could you do that? Dude, for real, you wanna make something happen With rachel, you gotta talk to ben.
Okay.
Forget it.
It's not even like that.
I'll talk to ben.
Are we cool? Nancy: And before that, he was the buyer for barneys Until he left to open up his own store-- south willard.
I think he's gonna really like your hoodies.
- Yeah? - ( laughs ) Black's good on you.
You should wear more of it.
All right, let's see what you got here.
Where's the new stuff? Yeah, we could use some updating.
I can't sell this.
First of all, you guys can't be in it.
It's kind of cheesy.
- It looks like you can't afford real models.
- We can't.
Well, you don't need to let people know that.
I mean, I'm sure you've got some hot friends somewhere, right? Just shoot them.
Gotta make it look cool-- you know, upscale, professional.
- When does ryan get in? - Monday.
Done.
We'll shoot a new one this weekend.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
( laughs ) I love that.
- "we'll just shoot another one this weekend.
" - easy.
- Very cool.
- So sorry I'm late.
Yes, it's good that you could come here, cam.
We kind of have covered everything though, right? - Yeah.
- Ben'll bring you up to speed.
- Upscale.
- High-class.
I got a location that could be dope.
- I'ma take care of it.
- All right, cool.
I was gonna ask domingo if he should model.
What do you think? - You wanna use domingo? - Yeah.
- Dom's a good look, no? - Yeah, maybe.
You know, kappo would kill to do it too.
That could be cool, kind of unexpected.
Come on, cam, are you serious? Yeah, no no no, you're right.
- Let's use domingo.
- Yeah.
All right, cool.
Robin: Oh, and my lunch today is for sure gonna go long, So if you could go to the meeting, take notes And let isabelle know I'm running late.
Okay.
Has anybody ever told you You've got like a hostile listening face? Um, what? - N-- no, I guess not.
- It's so weird.
It's like you listen, but your face Reads this sort of "I hate you.
" Robert from legal brought it up.
- I totally see it.
- Oh, sorry.
Anyway, you were 15 minutes late today.
Yes.
I'm sorry about that.
- The train was like-- - ah ah ah ah.
Rachel, I don't want anybody who doesn't want to be here.
People would kill for this job-- I mean literally kill.
I-- I don't think you mean literally.
I need to see your passion for "biscuit.
" If you don't wanna be here, let me know now.
I wanna be here.
I l-love it here.
Good.
Pump up the passion.
- Domingo: What's this, man? - Ben: Adam tushman's bar mitzvah invite.
- What? - A freelance gig.
Man, the jews love black people, don't they? It's the shared oppression.
So you know, rachel's a custy now.
- Rachel buys weed? - Yeah.
- What? - Now I know it's weird, but if it's cool with you, I was thinking about asking her for dinner.
Is there a shortage of 18-year-old model chicks arriving from minnesota? Pshh, no, man.
She went dog walking with me one day.
It was really cool.
I just wanted to run it by you, see how you felt about it.
( laughs ) Well, not to sound like a dick, But the whole reason for Rachel and I not working out was about me not being career-motivated.
- O-kay.
- You know, and-- I mean, you got the dog walking and the weed dealing.
I just-- I hate to see you Waste your time with her, you know? Yeah, I mean I get it.
I get it.
No worries.
So when do you guys need me to get my zoolander on? - 10:00.
- Am? - Yes.
- You got it, bro.
- All right.
- See you.
- See you.
- Come on, mooshoo.
( kisses ) Wow.
I see how it goes.
Work the girl to get to the dad.
- Come on, it's not even like that.
- It isn't? We just need a location that feels premium for the look book.
And you know nothing's more premium than your dad's place.
Look, it's not a bad thing.
You got balls.
My dad will like that.
Your dad likes balls? You're funny.
And you're beautiful, lulu.
Look, cam, You don't have to hustle me, all right? But if you wanna bring some Bruno Cannoli when you go over there, My dad will be into that.
Gangsta.
( music playing ) I wanna get a od luck charm for my good luck charm.
Aw, Rene.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- What do you like? - Oh, I don't know.
Oh my gosh, those canaries like inka trump wears.
Can we see those? Oh, you can't get those for me.
Those are too much.
Hey, where I come from, we say "you go big or you go home.
" Yeah, okay, papÃ.
Just don't go too big and go homeless.
You're a good woman And you give a hell of a wake-up call.
Try 'em on.
( cell phone ringing ) - ( beeps ) - hi.
Do you wanna take the train To ethan and bianca's wedding with me? Um Sure.
Why not? Well, unless you got other plans.
Uh No.
Do I have a-- do I have a hostile listening face? I don't know.
Why are you asking me this? Because I was at work and-- You know what-- you do actually.
I do? Yeah, my-- my boss hates me for it.
What? You can't help that.
That's not fair.
It's like a disability.
- Maybe you could sue.
- Oh my god, I'm getting off the phone.
- Hey hey.
- Hey, boss, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah yeah, sure.
Remember how you told me not to come to you with problems But to think things through and come to you with solutions? - Yeah.
- Well, you need to write rasta monsta A $30,000 check from your personal account.
- What happened? - Jabar: The bottling plant-- They can't fulfill the vert order.
It's too big and we're kind of maxed out creditwise.
What? We don't have the cash on hand, So I figured why not dip into your personal Till we collect on accounts due? That's your solution? That's what you came up with? That I should pay the difference? Mike's idea was to go rob some drug dealers.
I told him we can't do that kind of stuff no more.
- But I was only kidding.
I wasn't serious.
- Yeah right.
So you're saying I should cover it? Puñeta, man.
You guys still don't get it, man.
You're in charge of accounts receivable.
- Who owes us money? - Half of flushing.
- That's park territory? - Yeah.
Ben:So you getting settled in? I honestly haven't even properly unpacked And I'm in the middle of starting this job And I'm really just a mess when it comes to that.
- Are you seeing anybody? - What? No.
I mean, there is this one guy Sort of outside of my world, Like an unusual choice for me.
Like a cowboy? Yeah, he's a cowboy.
His name's cowboy rudy.
He's a cowboy.
How'd you guess? Maybe you should give cowboy rudy a shot.
You never know, right? Felix, man, I need to ask you for a serious favor.
I normally wouldn't ask you, But it's kind of an emergency.
What, do you need a kidney? Can I use yo place for a photo shoot tomorrow? See,e gotta update our look book.
But in order to do that, we've gotta shoot it In a premium good location,so I.
Mm-hmm.
What's your budget? - Around three.
- 3,000? Hundred dollars.
Nah.
No no, you can't.
( laughing ) I'm just fuckin' with you.
No, I don't want your money.
See, for me it's not about the money.
If you wanna use my place, Well, you're gonna have to win it.
( cam grunting ) Aah! Ow.
Oh, my back.
Shit, you all right? ( laughing ) Oh, that was tremendous.
Cam, that was tremendous! Oh.
( music playing ) Woman: Yeah, how are you doing? - Hey.
Piper.
- Hey, guys.
- How are you? - Hi.
- How great is this? - Yeah.
I mean, I can't believe you set them up on a blind date And now they're getting married.
- You guys, it's crazy.
- It is pretty crazy, right? So how long have you two been together now? - Oh well, we're not actually together.
- Yeah, we're buddies.
Oh.
You still look really good together, guys.
- Thanks.
- Um Is that a weird thing to say? - No, it's-- - no.
I'm sorry.
I'm already wasted.
- I'm gonna see you inside.
- See you, pipe.
- Hey, David.
- Hello, Rachel.
What's wrong, man? I can't give this speech, man.
I'm getting hives.
Oh, come on, you'll be fine.
Just speak from your heart.
That's what everyone says.
What if what's in my heart sucks? ( sprays ) W hundreds on the table, itwenties on the floor fresh outta work and on the way with some more - and I love it - yeah and I love it I got gangsters in the crowd, bad bitches at my show Rene: Wepa.
- ( turns off stereo ) - rene: You see those moves, eddie? That's the running man right there.
Yeah, that's the chino culo, bro.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Yeah, y'all are funny.
Everybody got jokes.
Yo, where's your father? My father? ( scoffs ) You must've not got the memo, homie.
Pops retired.
I'm the head korean in charge of this bitch.
- All 16 stores? - Yo, 17, nigga.
We just opened up on merrick boulevard.
So you're the new ceo now, huh? - Yeah.
- That's good.
I wamoney.
We on a 30-day cycle.
Come on, you'll get your money.
Come on, you know we good to you, baby.
It's been 42 days.
Come on, work with a brother, man.
Times is hard on the boulevard for all of us.
Oh! ( groans ) Out of respect for your father You get this one warning.
You don't want me coming back here again, okay? What are we gonna do now? I know where I c get the money.
these arms of mine I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
- ( ( applause ) - yeah! - It's all right, rachel.
- I'm sorry.
It's okay.
these arms of mine they are yearning ( sprays ) yearng fr wanting you.
( loud chatter ) ( clinking ) ( chatter stops ) ( clears throat ) "when two corporations merge, the results are unknown.
Even the best analysts on wall street can't predict How this new single entity will perform.
But in the case of ethan and bianca, I think it's safe to say call your broker And get in on the ground floor.
" ( silence ) ( sprays ) Look, I'm not really good at public speaking.
Um I just wanna say this-- Seeing my dear friend ethan and his new wife bianca, It's beautiful.
It's hard to find your soulmate.
I don't know how to do it.
I-- I know this though-- You can't live in an imaginary world And expect to find something real.
Ethan and bianca have always been real with each other.
I've never seen a couple like this.
They celebrate each other's imperfections, 'cause it's not about fairy tales; It's about what's in your heart.
What's in their heart is-- is love.
It's perfefiery,mperfect, tit's unconditional, And, most of all, it's real.
Mazel tov.
- All: Mazel tov.
- Man: Here here.
( all cheering ) come on, eileen - oh, I swear - well, he means at this moment you mean everything with you in that dress, oh my thoughts I confess verge on dirty Hi, baby.
You want me to warm up some chuletas y arroz con gandules? Ooh, you're too good to me.
( chuckles ) ( sighs ) - ( microwave beeping ) - so I got you something.
You already got me something.
I got you something better.
What's that? Open it.
Oh my god! They're ginormous.
Rene, what are you doing? Take those off.
I upgraded you.
- Are you serious? - Only the best for my girl.
I don't want these.
Wh-- what do you mean you don't want them? - Look at them.
- I like mine better.
Why would you buy me fake diamonds, rene? What are you talking about? Look, I got these from this sephardic brother-- I know diamonds.
Those are fake.
Why would you do me like that? I'm telling you they're not fake.
They're a little dusty.
Just a little polishing, that's it.
I've dated hoods my whole life-- Always 60â short on the fucking dollar.
- I'm not a hood.
- Well, from where I'm standing, you look like another broke-ass hustler Trying to get over on somebody.
But I'm smarter than that.
- I think you should just leave.
- Aw, come on, debbie.
It's not even like that.
Look, they're just earrings.
Well, good.
You keep the big ones And I'll keep the little ones as a parting gift.
Thank you.
( box closes ) Is she asleep? Oh yeah.
( grunts ) I wanted to talk to you about-- There's something that's been eating me up inside.
What's up? I don't even know if I should say anything Because I don't know anything officially, But I got a pretty bad feeling about it.
All right, now you're starting to scare me.
Just tell me.
- Just say it.
- What? The sec is investigating my boss.
- And if he talks, I'm next.
- What? Last summer I was at a conference in vegas And I met this cute analyst chick And we got wasted And she drunkenly told me some things.
And I stupidly told them to my boss And he ran with it.
I don't understand.
Is that illegal? Ben, I'm more than likely gonna go to the federal pen.
What? Are you serious? Yeah.
You'd still be my friend if I was broke? Of course.
No, okay, you say that, but think about it.
There's gonna be no more car service, No more bottles at the clubs, no more dinners, - No more park avenue apartment.
- Come on, man.
Those things, they're cool, but that's not the reason I'm friends with you.
Look, I got a couch with your name on it should you ever need it.
Take this.
What did we just talk about? - Keep your watch.
- Ben - no, I want you to have it.
- I'm not no.
Or you can hawk it and pay your rent for three years.
- Take it, take it.
- Kappo, keep your watch.
Okay, man? - ( music playing over stereo ) - this is really good.
Yes.
Cheap and drinkable.
Sorry, dude.
Not gonna happen for you right now.
Why? What's wrong? You smell like my father.
We need to take a shower.
I'll be your love bright love be your love bright love - This is it, huh? - Yep.
Okay.
- So - So? It was a fucking great day.
- Yeah, it was.
- Yeah.
Let me say something, and I know you're gonna think I'm insane, But I'm just gonna say it.
- Yeah, say it.
- Okay.
You know the guy I was telling you that I'm seeing? - Yeah.
- Cowboy rudy? - Yes, cowboy rudy.
- Okay.
Maybe you won't even care.
I don't know.
I just wanna-- I wanted to tell you So that you didn't find out from somebody else.
Um, cowboy rudy Is domingo.
I know.
It's weird.
Are you pissed? You're pissed.
No, I'm Not pissed.
I'm just A little surprised.
Yeah, that's why I was gonna tell you, but it's like-- - It's cool.
- It is? - Yeah.
- Okay, cool.
I think you guys make a great-- great couple.
- Ben, we're not a couple.
- Have a good night, rach.
Fuck.
how you gonna do me like this? - how you gonna do me like that? - ( sighs ) - how you gonna do me - you good? ( derisive laugh ) I am wasted in a bar then went drinking in the streets hanging out, always sleeping in hallways Oh! Aah! The hell, yo?! - You're gonna break my neck, yo! - Rene: I want my money And I want it now.
All right, man.
Ease up on the chain, yo.
I'll pay you.
I will pay you! ow you gonna do me like that? how you gonna do me - What's up, bro? - Not much.
- What's up with you? - Nothing much.
Ready to get my fuckin' vogue on, that's what's up.
So I spoke with rachel last night.
- She says you guys are dating.
- Aw st, man.
What, you fuck her and then you ask me if it's cool to take her to dinner? Fam, it's not even like that, all right? This shit was so random the way it happened.
The way it happened? You tell me how it happened, 'cause you came at me with some half-assed dog-walking bullshit And the whole time you're lying to me.
- That's lame, man.
- Okay, you wanna be real? - Yeah, be real.
- I like rachel And rachel likes me, the dog-walking drug dealer.
Who would've thought that shit, huh? - Whatever, man.
- Yeah, whatever.
Domingo! Yo! Come back.
Let's work this shit out after.
Well, fuck you then, you little ho.
Fuck you! What are we gonna do now? Did you know about him and rachel? No, not officially.
Wow.
- Where is the loyalty, man? - What do you want me to say? I told him to talk to you immediately.
It's pretty fucked up, right? It's whatever.
What are we gonna do about this photo shoot? We improvise.
what is hip? Tell me, tell me if you think you know, what is hip? if you're really hip, the passing years would show you into a hip trip maybe hipper than hip - what is hip? - man: Felix diflorio, right? Yeah.
You know who he is? - I go to svu.
We study him.
- Very cool.
- So what do you think of the look book? - It's cool.
It came out all right, didn't it? Yeah.
There's this one margin over there-- It's a little bit messed up, But I could run it through the machines again.
- You want it to be perfect, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I do.
- Cool.
- Hey, thanks, man.
- No problem.
( whirring ) - ( tv playing in background ) - ( cell phone ringing ) - ( beeps ) - Ben.
- ( tv turns off ) - no no, I just-- I dozed off.
I was watching "The Cosby Show.
" When I was little, I used to dream that dr.
Huxtable would adopt me.
I was just checking in on you.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm good.
- Thanks for calling, man.
- Of course.
- Hit me tomorrow.
- Yeah, I will.
All right, cool.
Peace.
your choice was right no chance to be there now I swear I'm done you'll want to leave your path it's yours to find it's all you've ever done you're falling down you're falling down to us.
( vocalizing )