Huff (2004) s02e04 Episode Script

Previously on Huff Hey.
Beth, come on.
What? You haven't said 2 words to me since I got back from Mexico.
What am I, the invisible man? I haven't had 2 words to say.
You think it's because I fradulently billed some of my clients who happen to be government agencies, and that just happens to be a felony? I want Clozaril.
No way.
That could kill you.
What about the living situation? No Woodburn.
What happened over there, buddy? The gym teacher diddle you or something? I hate this fucking place.
Teddy! Teddy! Jesus! He's not going back to Woodburn, mom.
Oh, yes, he is.
Oh, no, he is not.
The tumor's shrinking.
What does this mean? Am I ok to travel, doc? I don't see why not.
Book our tickets, Jim.
We're going home.
Maybe maybe higher.
Higher up and kind of, you know, squeeze.
Firm not hard.
Gentle, but not weak.
That's what I was-- Russell! What--what the hell are you doing here? Damn it.
I am with a client, Kelly.
And I'm with child.
Your child.
How do you feel about Russell asking me to see you? Is he really the father of that baby? We can talk about why you're so interested in whether he's the father or not.
He was mean to her.
He was mean to her.
She's just I didn't like that.
Dauri, are you with me? Can you You could've hit me in the face with that fucking beanbag, ballbag fucking thing.
The face.
Only if you were really having an epileptic seizure.
I was having an epileptic seizure.
You could have blackened my eye or crushed my cheekbone.
What would you have done then? Apologized.
Apologized? Yeah.
Unbelievable.
What do I owe you? Oh, Mr.
Tupper took care of your first two sessions.
Of course.
Of course.
And then he will bill me back at a 200% markup.
Legal fees.
Terrific.
Fucking lawyers.
Ok.
Well, thank you for your time.
It's been interesting.
Um, well, can I ask you something? If you don't wanna see me anymore, why don't you just call and say that or just not show up? Is it possible that, uh, there might be something here that you want? Oh, good.
Someone reliable.
Darling, would you please put my necklace on? Oh, golly, I'll tell you, age has really compromifsed my reach.
- Izzy.
- Yeah? Back on your feet and looking like a million bucks.
Well, after taxes, I hope.
Yeah, it's good to see daylight again.
So, uh, where are you off to? Palm Springs with the girls.
Ah.
Shopping? No.
A little blackjack at Morongo.
Morongo? The indians finally got rid of that awful, ooh that hideous tent, and they put up a real casino.
Alice was there a month ago.
She said the new crowd actually has teeth.
All right.
Would you please pick up my mail? I just hate the idea of Sylvia intercepting my valium.
Ok.
Have a great time gambling.
Gaming, dear.
Gambling is for people with calluses.
Ta.
Ta.
I was a senior at Stanford.
Finals were over.
I was driving to a party.
I'd been taking speed for like 3 days.
I looked horrible.
I hadn't slept.
I reached in my bag to get my lipstick.
I was looking in the rearview mirror, putting on my makeup.
Fuck.
Then what happened? The car lurched.
Like I hit a dog or something.
I screamed.
I got out of the car.
I saw this bloody sleeve attached to this gnarled bloody hand sticking out from under the front of the car.
It's all right.
I told the judge in court I I had epilepsy and was having a seizure at the time of the accident.
And he gave me probation instead of jail.
Later I found out that the man I had killed was a homeless man.
And that's when I wrote my first check.
For what? For his burial? I funded a homeless shelter in Southern California.
I still fund homeless shelters all across Southern California In memoriam to the bloody arm I killed when I was putting on my lipstick.
And sometimes at any time of day without any warning those crushed, bloody fingers reach up and grab me and pull me under the car and force me to look into his eyes.
And what do you see when that happens? Me.
Coming! Oh! You're the one having the baby.
A redhead.
That's good.
We are so excited.
And my husband Carlos, we're praying for you in the church.
Ok.
We need to focus.
Look at that.
High and firm, like a basketball.
It's a boy.
You know? His sack flows him up and high.
That's how I know.
Ok, soapy time now.
Soapy, scrubby.
- Scrubby, soapy.
- I'll start in the kitchen.
Who the hell is that? My cleaning lady.
- Housekeeper.
- Housekeeper.
She's been with me for 15 years.
An angel.
Absolute angel.
Really walks the walk, if you know what I'm saying.
Yeah? Well, why don't you get her to walk the walk back to your place? I do not need any help.
You know, have you ever heard of a phone? Couldn't you call or something? What? Oh! I must've spilt something.
Twice? I'm pregnant.
What's your excuse? You're still pissed at me, aren't you? Because I was mean when you walked in on my client meeting.
I'm sorry.
It was wrong of me to lose my temper, and I apologize to you.
You were cruel, insulting and hurtful.
I was, and I wanna make it up to you.
And you know what else? I'm not so sure I want you to go back to that TV job.
You know? With all those freaking gamma rays and stuff and heavy lifting.
You might start to spot.
Blood.
Very difficult to get out.
I wanna help.
I want to help.
I'm not going to be hand delivering these every month, but they will be arriving by mail monthly.
I also put a couple of massages in there from Burke Williams.
Ask for Denise.
She is spec-ta-cular.
I don't want it.
I mean, how hard is it to write a check? You know, you may come from the shit hills of Pennsylvania, but where I come from, people know how to treat each other.
It's, uh it's happening again.
Darling, I really think maybe you should go and see your doctor.
Don't you think so.
I did! I'm special.
I'm a milk machine, months in advance.
- Falana! - Yes, miss Kelly? Thank you very much, but I need you to go.
Let her do a quick once-over.
What's the big deal? Get out of here.
I do not want you.
I do not need you.
I can do this.
I don't need your money.
I don't need you.
- Are you sure about this? - Ok, you hear this? I do not need you.
Come in.
- Hey.
- Hi.
What are you doing here? Everything ok? Uh, yeah.
I just I'm going to the tile store.
I wanted you to weigh in before I placed the order.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I heard a husband and wife talking about you in the hallway.
Oh, yeah? What did they say? The husband despises you.
And he thinks that you are corrupting her mind.
Yeah.
Those two are fun.
They'll be all right.
They're just stuck in a bit of a rut.
You know, I have some time.
You wanna talk? I'll take that as a "no.
" I just, uh, would like to feel something other than the dread I feel when I think you're gonna make me talk about it.
Ok.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
You know, it isn't just all you or me or us.
It's just how serious everything's been lately.
And after talking about cremation and tumors and dying, I guess I'm just all talked out.
I get it.
Hi, dad.
I'm at the library.
Cool.
Yeah, I think you and mom should go.
All right.
Um I have homework anyway, so I'm gonna be home about 10.
Ok? All right.
All right, all right.
I promise.
Bye.
Who the fuck are you? Um, I think we have a misunderstanding.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Well, this better be good, ass wipe, or I'm calling the cops.
It's not like I can call every 15 minutes and find out if the tumors are back.
What a mess.
And then there's Patty who thinks I spend my days at a resort, sipping crystal.
And they know how much it sucks, this never knowing if or when she's gonna take a turn for the worse.
I just I hate this uncertainty.
Beth, at least you have uncertainty.
I prayed my mother would die.
She was so weak, confused.
Then she died.
You can prepare for her death.
But you cannot prepare yourself for that pathetic, hopeful feeling every time that phone rings.
I would kill for a little uncertainty.
Oh, shit, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
No, Mitzi, I'm sorry.
I wasn't thinking.
Hey, Beth.
Pack a bag, my dear.
We're off to Laguna to drink champagne and fuck like la--hello.
- Right.
- Hi.
Sorry.
Thanks.
So you don't steal anything? Never.
So why the fuck do you do it? It's hard to explain.
It's like I get curious about how people live.
You know? Or what they live for, I guess.
So what does my family live for? Um I'm not sure, actually.
But I do know that your parents collect artifacts from all over the world.
And they never have time to cook.
Um, your mom always has to do like 3 things at once.
And she's a really nervous driver.
You can tell all that just by our stuff? That and I hid in the bushes while your mom drove away.
You are a weird fucker, Byrd.
Your family got any secrets? Um my uncle is schizophrenic.
Um, one day he tried to strangle my grandmother because he thought she was gonna have him locked up.
Did she? Yeah.
After he tried to kill her.
It's really sad, though, because if you ever met him, you would think he was the coolest guy.
Like he wasn't crazy at all.
Well, I'd like to meet him.
God! Max! Volume! Please! You ok, big time? You mind turning it down a notch? Turn what down a notch? The radio show.
I feel like I'm in a revival tent.
Yeah.
Sure.
No problem.
I guess the walls are just really paper thin here, huh? Yeah.
How did you know my name? Oh, I want a good roll at a $25 table.
That's what I want.
They let you eat at the tables? Not a bread roll.
A gambling roll.
It's a wave of good luck.
As if god himself cut the cards.
There it is! Sorcerer's gold! I just love that machine.
Oh, for christ sake, Joy, it's a nickel machine.
I know.
I brought 2 rolls.
Oh, they let you eat at the machines? Nickels.
I brought 2 rolls of nickels.
She stuffed them in her underwear.
Afraid somebody might steal them.
She should be so lucky.
Look.
There's filthy rich.
I love that machine, too.
If you get 3 farms in a row, you get to pick 1 of 5 little piggies to wash in the mud.
And if you choose the right little piggy, you get 35 times your bet.
I'll see you girls later.
- Poor thing.
- Oh, come on, Al.
Let's play some cards.
Ooh, there's one.
Here you are.
Oh, my god.
This is incredible.
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
- Enjoy.
- Appreciate it.
Oh, honey, how did you do this? Oh, I have connections even you don't know about.
Really? Not really, no.
I just paid the guy a lot of money.
Oh, it looks like our honeymoon.
Yeah.
That's the whole point.
They did a nice job here.
With a heart flower.
Hey, Beth.
Um, 14 - What? - 22.
- No.
No! - 44 spank monster! Where you going? Wha-- How dare you run out on my football calling.
Well, now, you're offsides now.
- Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
- You better penalize me.
- You're in a lot of trouble.
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
I actually feel bad for you at what's about to happen to you.
- Oh, no.
- Huh? You're here late.
Well, it's been a heck of a day.
Security guard let me in.
You should fire him for that.
For all he knows I'm here to rob you blind.
You know, if you if you really wanted to talk about the case, you could've called me or e-mailed me or-or texted me.
Didn't need to come all the way down here at this heathen hour.
I'm just here to ask you one question, Russell.
How big are your balls? If you don't think I'm defending you in an aggressive enough fashion, you could be more forthcoming about it.
Russell.
Your balls, your nuts-- how big are they? You see, I've got this theory.
It's about balls-to-sack ratio.
The bigger the balls, the smaller the sack, the more testosterone.
The more testosterone, the better the lover.
Big sack, tiny balls.
Now that's bad news.
No bad news here.
I've got a really good ratio.
Yeah? How good? My nuts are pie.
Yeah.
- Good evening, ladies.
- Let's hope so.
Okeydoke.
Here we go.
What do we got? and 1000.
A thousand.
Are you playing? Drinking.
Hey, you should know that I double down on soft 18's if you're holding the 6.
Ok? Ok.
Oh.
Cocktails! Ok, baby, show me that Tupper torpedo.
You know, it's a nuclear torpedo.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Well, blow me the fuck up.
Come on.
Yeah.
Good.
You know, I think I think I, uh I got gravity.
I got the blood flowing in the wrong direction, and I need gravity on my side.
- I just I got to get - It's ok, baby.
Gravity to help me get my blood flowing in the right direction.
It's ok, baby.
I don't know what's going on.
The little fella never let me down before.
You need a little helping hand down there? Blood to cock.
Blood to cock.
It's gonna be ok.
Blood to cock.
I know.
I know.
- Blood to cock.
Blood to cock.
- It's ok.
I'm mystified.
I mean, you know, I'm always hard.
Actually, it's kind of a problem.
I'm hard all the time.
- Yeah, except now.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, except now.
- Yeah.
I can fix that.
You can? - Can you do it now? - I can do that.
So.
Do you wanna lift them up or do you want me to hold them for you? You, please, nursy.
Ok.
You trust me? Implicitly.
All right.
So drop the lawyer talk 'cause I'm holding a razor over your testicles.
- All right? - Ok.
And don't be nervous.
It makes 'em jiggle.
- All right? - Ok.
- So think boring thoughts.
- Ok.
- Nothing - You ready? Nothing really that boring is coming to mine.
Ok.
All right, here we go.
Oh, sweet mother of god! Oh, god! Don't move so much unless you wanna become a eunuch.
You're not gonna seize out on me, are you? Oh, god.
Who do you take me for? You're gonna need these for my case.
Yeah.
Whoa! Yes! Yes! Oh, I love I love our native americans.
- It's not even funny anymore.
- Cocktails! Come on, kemosabe.
Just color out.
One more hand.
Come on.
One more hand.
All in.
Can I borrow some nickels? Here's a 20.
Knock yourself out.
Thank you.
I'll pay you back.
I promise.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what they all say.
See you at breakfast.
I have to double down.
I got to double down, but I don't have any more money.
Sweetheart, please, will you float me a hundred? I just gave Calamity Jane my last 20.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn! Oh.
No, I couldn't possibly.
Oh, you have to, and you know it.
You can pay me back when you win.
Well, I don't what if I don't win, Mr Callahan.
Walt Callahan.
And I have a feeling this is your lucky night.
Really? Oh! All right.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
The sound of your teeth chattering woke me up.
Aren't you freezing? It's so beautiful out here.
Yeah.
And cold.
God.
You want a blanket or something? Mm-mmm.
I like it.
Yeah.
Ooh.
So do the girls.
My goodness.
They are wide awake, aren't they? First time I saw you, you were in 2 feet of snow and your hair was frozen on your head.
You had on nothing but a sweater.
You remember? I was late for class.
And you couldn't even put on a coat or dry your hair.
No, no.
Not really.
And all that buttoning and blowing and zipping.
No, it was just too much.
Mrs.
Linquist's class.
The lively essayist.
The seamless crafting of force-driven prose.
I hated that class.
Hey, did you ever nail her? God, no.
Mrs.
Lindquist? I know you had a thing for her.
She was my professor, honey.
She was hot.
Yeah.
It was no contest after you walked in, though.
Could we please go inside? It's totally freezing.
You go ahead.
I'll be right in.
Ok.
Wait.
What? What's that? - What? - What was that? I'll ask her.
Honey, the girls say that they're afraid they're gonna poke through your robe and ruin it.
So can we please, please go inside? Ok, ladies, you wanna go inside and let daddy warm you up? - Yeah.
Good idea.
Come on.
- Ok.
Can't sleep? Never can.
Would you like me to get you something? Halcyon ambient? Cup of warm milk? No.
I'm just I don't have my clearest thoughts to solve all the big problems, you know.
World hunger, aids.
Then the morning comes and I realize I probably never affect anyone really.
You affected me and my ballbag.
Yeah.
I left my signature down there underneath.
A little something to remember me by.
I don't think I'm going to need anything to remember you by.
I think I'm just going to remember you.
When I'm in prison just the word makes my neck tense.
Prison.
Try saying that.
"I'm going to prison.
" I'm going to prison.
Yep.
That's a doozy.
I fantasize about fleeing.
Just packing my bags, grabbing my passport.
Sayonara, U.
S.
of A.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't think it's such a great idea.
Giving up your citizenship and everything.
That is what we are led to believe.
But when contemplating jail, a scorpion bowl on the beach doesn't look so bad.
Noh, god.
Yeah, but don't you think that scorpion bowls would get tiresome after a while? Not that you're gonna be able to afford too many after the government freezes your assets.
Don't you think it would feel great to walk out of those doors, you know, take a deep breath, make a fresh start square with your past? You want me to face the music? I want you to think about what it would be like not to.
A lifetime of looking over your shoulder? It doesn't sound like much of a life.
I'm just I'm not sure if I got it in me.
I think you have got it in you.
Trust me.
That's what I think.
Thank you.
Bong, bong, bong.
Uh, did you say 313? Did I? Did I? Yeah.
It's, this way.
Oh.
Ok.
- 313.
- 313.
Now all right.
Woop, woop, woop.
Here we go.
I think it's some sort of card, with the magnetic Of course.
Silly me.
Silly me.
Thank god you're here.
Thank you.
I'd really love to ask you in, but I don't think that I can ask you in because, um, I just don't think that would be right, and I think and I like to be right.
I don't wanna come in.
You-you don't? Why not? I like to be right, too.
Well, two wrongs don't make a right.
Well, it was wonderfull meeting you, Isabelle Huffstodt Yes.
Thank you for walking me.
You know, I could have gotten back to my room just fine.
But this is a this is a gambling hall.
- Gaming.
- Gaming.
Gaming.
Gaming.
Yes, of course.
It's a dangerous crowd and all that, right? Thank you.
Thank you for walking me back safely to my room.
Drink this.
You'll thank me in the morning.
Well, I'll thank you right now.
Well, you're welcome.
Good-bye.
Good night.
Mr.
Callahan.
I know, I'm being terribly forward, but I just thought you know, since we both reside in Los Angeles, 'cause we really didn't have time tonight to visit, maybe we could meet up and have some cocktails or a cup of coffee when we're back in town.
Well, that doesn't appeal to you maybe, but I just thought I don't wanna embarrass you, though.
So ta-ta.
I put my card in your pocket.
What? My phone number's written on the back.
I'd love to have coffee or cocktails.
Call me.
Ok.
Good night, Mr.
Callahan.
Wherever you are.
Teddy! - Hey.
- Hey, Byrd.
This is my friend James.
James, this is my uncle Teddy.
I just thought we'd stop by and say hi.
Hi.
You look familiar.
Really? Well, I don't come here often, and, uh, I'm sure a million guys look like me.
I saw you the other day.
The other day I was moving in, I dropped a box, and you pretended not to see.
You didn't offer to help.
I knew you were there the whole time.
I bet your boss didn't think I'd remember.
Teddy, I don't know, man.
I don't think James even has a job.
I wanna hear it from James.
Yeah, I do.
I didn't mention it before, Byrd, because, uh well, my job's classified.
And why is it classified, James? Tell your new friend Byrd here about the war.
I'm just a low-level insurgent.
- I don't really know - Admit it.
Your boss is out of time, and that is why you're out here recruiting children.
That is why you put the cameras in my room.
But you know I have a problem with what you're doing.
Yeah.
Because of the children.
What children? Recruiting children because of their small fingers.
It's safer and less of a chance of collateral damage.
Isn't that right, James? You know, you didn't hear it from me.
You're an imposter.
I bet your name isn't even really James.
I'm on to you and your boss.
What did you do? Did you change the plan, huh? Did you change the date? Whoa, Teddy! You two better hit the road.
I am hanging on to this for your DNA.
- Hey! - Hey.
How do you like your eggs? How do I like my eggs? I like my eggs soft-boiled.
Soft-boiled eggs.
Russell! What? What? Dauri Rathbone, I have a warrant for your arrest.
26 counts of wire fraud.
We appreciate your quiet cooperation.
What the fuck, Jorge.
What are you, a full-service operation now? We had a deal.
No sudden movements, remember? That was before your client bought a one-way ticket to Buenos Aires.
You didn't tell him you're getting on a plane today? - Russell, after last night - Do not answer that question.
- No, no.
Don't talk.
- But I wasn't going-- Don't answer that.
Don't say anything.
I get it.
This is some short-sighted shit, bro.
She's a flight risk.
We're taking her in.
Let the fucking lady get dressed.
Can't you let the lady get dressed? Russell, you know I'm fucked.
No.
It's going to be ok.
Now, I'm right behind you, ok? I'm right behind you.
Don't say anything to anybody.
- Don't say anything - Let's go, sweetheart.
to anybody.
Can't the lady at least put on a coat? Goddamn it! - Hi.
- Hi.
That massage, it was amazing.
Oh, yeah? You know what else was amazing? No.
What? Last night.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
We have to get out of here.
Oh, my god.
Eleanor Roosevelt just walked in on us fucking in a steam room.
Oh, my god.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I'm sorry.
I'm a doctor.
We don't condone this sort of thing in the steam room.
Well, I understand.
I'll be outside.
He's gonna wait outside.
May I come in? Max says you had a great weekend.
Really? He said that? Mm-hmm.
Is everything ok so far? I don't like my smoke detector.
The red light keeps me awake.
It's very bright.
Ok.
I wanna get another one.
Only I have to pick it out.
Ok.
You've had a lot of upheavel in a short period of time, Teddy.
It's perfectly normal to feel out of sorts.
If there's anything that you wanna talk about No.
I'm good.
Well, if you change your mind, this is a safe place.
Aren't you gonna watch me take my medication? I'm not the pill police, Teddy.
I trust you.
"We don't condone this sort of thing in the steam room.
" He did not sound like that.
Yes, he did.
We should do this more, you know.
Byrd's old enough.
We should book more weekends away.
You know? Honey.
Wha--yeah.
Definitely.
Yeah, yeah.
What? It's nothing.
What? It's nothing.
It's that goddamn bathroom is never gonna be done.
I mean, how long has it been now? You thinking about the bathroom? I hate that tile I picked out.
Do you like it? Yeah.
I like that tile.
So what do you wanna do? You wanna watch a movie? Oh, I don't know.
Do we have any netflix? Um we have a ton of bills, I can tell you that right now.
But no, I don't see any netflix.
Ok.
You know, I think I'm just gonna turn in.
All right.
What? Hmm? No.
Nothing.
I said "all right.
" Listen.
Um thanks again for this weekend.
It was really nice, and I had a great time.
You're welcome.
Me, too.
I had a terrific time.
Um, are you coming up? Yeah.
I'll be up in a minute.
I'm just gonna open some bills then watch the news for a while.
Ok.
Sure.
What do you want me to do? >>