I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e04 Episode Script

Cute.
Oh! Look at you two, starin' at those phones.
When I was your age, we actually talked to each other.
We are talking to each other.
Was that about me? No.
You're not the only ones who can do this.
You show me how to do this.
Hey.
I got a big European history test coming up.
- Would you quiz me? - Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Napoleon was known by what nickname? Oh, uh, Napoleon Napoleon.
Dynamite? Yeah, no, I don't think he's joking.
No, no, I was totally joking.
Unless that's right.
This is fun.
Ask him another one.
Okay.
Charles Dickens' novel Hard Times was set during which historical period? Oh, oh, I totally know this one.
Uh just give me a hint.
- The In - The In - dus - dus - tri - tri - al - al - Rev - Rev - o - o - lution.
- lution.
The Industrial Revolution.
Told ya I knew it.
Why don't I just write in all the correct answers for you, and you can study off that.
That'd be great.
Thanks.
Oh, look, he answered this one.
"What is the great awakening?" When alarm clocks were invented.
That one's a joke, right? Oh, hey, Jazz, what's up? Have I told you how handsome you look in an apron? Okay, what do you want? What do you mean? Can't I just give you a compliment without having Okay, here it is.
You're in the math club, right? Actually, it's the math squad.
Oh.
That sounds kinda sporty.
We were going for dangerous.
If you saw us, you'd know why.
Well, I'd like to join.
Thing is, uh it's just that girls Okay, stop.
I know what you're gonna say, but you're wrong.
Girls are just as good at math as boys.
- I wasn't - I'll have you know, I am the only sophomore in AP Calculus.
And that's not all.
I was doing fractions at such a young age, I called them "fwactions.
" Actually, I was going to say that no girl has ever wanted to be in the math squad.
Again, if you saw us, you'd know why.
Garrett, I want in.
I like math.
Plus, it'll look great on my college applications.
Okay, you're on the squad.
We have practice tomorrow after school.
I'll be there.
I think I'll make a great addition to the team.
You can count on me.
The squad will be greater than not less than it was before.
Don't make me regret this.
Okay.
Oh.
So it's not just homework that you help him with.
What are you talking about? You just strawed his smoothie.
Do you do his laundry, too? Just the whites.
And colors, that's all.
Look, if you do all the work for him, he'll never learn to do anything for himself.
Deels, you're overreacting.
I'm just looking out for my brother.
It's a twin thing.
I've always helped him.
When I was born, I reached my hand back and helped pull him out.
Thanks for that visual.
Linds, you may think you're doing a good thing, but the truth is, you're hurting Logan.
What you're doing is called enabling, or toxic helping.
Wait, where are you getting this stuff? I'm taking Intro to Psychology this semester.
I've only had three classes, but it is never too soon to start giving advice.
You know, you need to stop this behavior immediately before it's too late, or Logan could grow up to be completely helpless.
This is ridiculous.
Logan is a lot more capable than you think.
Too chunky.
What? It is chunky.
Okay, math squad-ers.
Let's give a big welcome to our newest member, Jasmine.
I understand this comes as a bit of a shock, seeing as we've never had a girl on the team.
That's not true.
We already have a girl on the team.
- Who? - Me.
- Paul? - A.
- A what? - No.
Paula.
That's my name.
Oh.
So that's why you're always going into the girls' bathroom.
I gotta say, you're a little less interesting now.
Okay, so, what's the first order of business? We've got a big match coming up this Saturday against Jordan Prep.
Those guys are tough.
As tough as guys doing math can be.
Okay, let's break into pairs to study.
Jasmine, you go with Norman.
I guess it's me and you, huh? So is there some kind of workbook you guys use or Excuse me just for one minute.
Hey, can I get one that talks? You were right.
Of course I was.
About what? I do help Logan too much.
This is what psychologists call a breakthrough.
Or is it a breakdown? My mind wanders a lot in class.
I had this dream about the future, and Logan was completely helpless.
He had to live at my house, and he couldn't find his stethoscope, I had to take him to work.
Wait, back up.
His stethoscope? He was a brain surgeon.
This is what happens when I eat pineapple before taking a nap.
Brain surgeon? I thought the best he could do was work in a car rental place.
Not the desk, either.
Like, in the back, hosing down the floor mats.
He wouldn't have been a brain surgeon if I hadn't done all the work for him.
I'm getting kinda tired of being right, but maybe you need to stop helping Logan.
Yeah, I know.
But I need you to help me.
I'll do what I can, but I'm only one fake doctor.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
You were in the dream, too.
You were a postal worker.
I get to work outside and wear shorts? Sweet! You girls get my text? That's right, Betty's in the game now.
Betty, I didn't get it.
Me neither.
Must be hung up in hyperspace.
Cyberspace.
Don't correct me.
Anyway, it was a good one.
It said "you girls think you're so funny.
Well, here's a little something for you.
" Are you okay? I'm fine.
I'm doing my emojis.
Norman's acting all weird.
You've got to give me a different partner.
He's just shy.
I thought you guys can challenge each other.
Right now, the challenge is understanding what he says.
All right.
I guess I could team you up with another partner.
Question: are you very sensitive to smells? You know, maybe I should give Norman another chance.
Hello again.
I'm Jasmine Kang.
And you are Norman You're gonna have to speak up, partner.
- Gorman.
- Gorman.
Your name is Norman Gorman.
So your hair isn't your biggest problem.
Okay, if we're going to be doing math together, we're gonna need to learn to communicate.
It's all right.
We'll start slow.
Uh, first thing, I want you to look at me.
Come on.
Up here.
Too far.
Come on back.
See? We're making eye contact and no one's dying.
I'm sorry.
It's just I get nervous talking to girls.
You shouldn't be nervous.
I think a lot of girls would want to talk to you.
Really? Which school do they go to? This one.
I'm enjoying talking to you right now.
- You are? - Yes.
And I think underneath those bangs, that sweater, that calculator holster, beats the heart of a real ladies man.
You just need some more confidence.
I'm gonna help you get some.
Okay.
First thing, why don't you, uh, sit up straight? Stick your chest out.
Push your shoulders back.
And you're getting a nosebleed.
Okay, maybe we went too fast.
Let's take a break until you start clotting.
Probably a good idea.
Oh, Lindy, uh, little help.
I forgot my combination again.
You can do this.
I can't help you.
I'm sorry.
Those sound like words, not numbers.
One more time.
I know the combination, but I'm not gonna tell you.
Why not? Delia explained to me that by doing everything for you, I'm actually hurting you.
We always help each other.
That's what we do.
It's a twin thing.
He's right, we do have a special bond.
- Stay strong.
- You're on your own, chump! Okay, just give me the combination, all right? This is an emergency.
I've got chocolate milk in there.
She's not helping you.
Why are you getting all involved in this? Because it's my duty as a psychology student to help people by sharing theories I'm not completely sure I understand.
She says we're exhibiting classic codependent behavior.
Okay, did I mention the milk was chocolate? Chocolate schmocolate.
That's not easy to say.
Chocolate schmocolate.
Right, that is hard.
Chocolate schmocolate.
What's happening?! What's happening is the two of you need to stop this sick dance you've been doing.
We were dancing just fine until you got involved.
Sorry, Logan.
You're on your own.
You know what? I don't need you.
I'll be fine by myself.
Chocolate schmoc Lindy, how do you say it? Well, we can't wait for Jasmine and Norman all day.
Got a meet to prepare for.
Gentlemen, start your brains.
I'm sorry, Paula.
Still getting used to that.
Jasmine, where's Norman? If you mean Norman Gorman, he doesn't exist anymore.
Introducing the new and improved Norman G.
Dudes.
What happened? Jasmine helped give me confidence.
I don't have to hide behind my bangs anymore.
Great.
Now let's take that newfound confidence and apply it to doing logarithms.
Everyone take out your calculators.
I forgot mine.
Didn't you guys notice it wasn't in his holster, and that he doesn't have a holster anymore? I don't need it.
I'm starting to see there's more to life than just doing math.
Wow, he really does have confidence.
I want some, too.
I want confidence.
All right.
Everyone, pair up.
Find a confidence buddy.
We'll start by making eye contact.
We can do that later.
Right now, let's What's that smell? It's Norman.
He smells good.
Hair gel and man musk, my friend.
Come on, people, focus.
I'm gonna put an equation on the board, and everyone, stop sniffing Norman.
Norman G.
Girls want him, guys wanna be him.
I think I finally figured out this texting thing.
I'm gonna send you a text, okay? Okay.
Did you get it? Yeah, I got it.
Now I'm texting you back.
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna be over here.
Got it! You wrote "got your text.
" But you already told me that.
Because I was writing it before you came over and asked me.
I don't see the appeal of this.
I agree.
At least in the way that we're doing it.
Maybe we should try and communicate the way we used to back in the day.
Oh, telegraph? That's not funny.
Actually, it was a little funny.
So how are you, Betty? I'm fine.
You? I'm doing really good, actually.
Delia has me doing this thing where I'm not allowed to help Logan, and I can't believe how much free time I have.
I've been reading more, exercising more, I even picked up the guitar again.
"You're boring me.
" Now that's funny.
- We done here? - I think so.
Logan, before you say anything, I can't help you.
I know.
I'm just here to get a smoothie.
Oh, what can I get you? What do you know about the Napoleonic era? I know it's not a smoothie.
No, I'm serious.
You want me to help you with your homework? - Yeah.
- What's in it for me? The satisfaction of knowing you're helping a young man make his way in the world Get outta my store.
Hey.
Where's the team? They're not here.
You know why? They all quit.
- What? - That's right.
Now that you gave them confidence, they don't have time for math.
They're out there in the world, speaking up and making eye contact.
Look, I'm sorry.
I was just trying to help the team.
How? By turning them into people? Is that so bad? I don't need people, I need math machines, or there's no way we can compete on Saturday.
The two of us can still try.
No, we can't.
It's over.
Thanks for taking my team down, Jasmine.
I guess I did make it less than.
Here I go.
Gonna study for my big test all by myself.
I've got one night to learn I got this.
Please help me.
Logan, you know I can't help you.
You can do this.
All the answers are right in that book.
Studying.
Studying.
Where to begin? Stop.
I can't.
You know I can't resist the puppy-dog face.
Flashcards.
What? Flashcards.
Oh, flashcards.
That's a great idea.
Did you feel that? I think we might have a leak.
Name one important philosopher during the Age of Enlightenment.
Let's see.
A philosopher.
Age of Enlightenment.
I want to say Thomas Edison.
You wanna say anything else? I felt that drip again.
Okay, come on.
Just give me a hint.
You're eating something.
Uh, grapes? Pizza rolls? You're cooking something.
A hamburger? Cheeseburger? Oh, turkey burger.
It's not a burger.
Thomas Edison? It's bacon.
Francis Bacon.
Then why were you cooking a burger? Just give me the cards.
I'll write all the answers for you.
Stop! What are you doing?! You've been helping this punk for 15 years.
I knew you'd crack.
How long have you been in the closet? Six hours.
I really need to use your bathroom.
Let's go.
Upstairs.
I can't trust you alone with him.
Who knew psychology was gonna be this action-packed? Thanks for meeting me.
Sure.
Garrett, I'm so sorry.
I never meant to take down the squad.
But you did.
You know where most of them are right now? At the comic book store, trying to meet girls.
There's no girls at the comic book store.
You gave them confidence, not good judgment.
Look, I didn't do it in purpose.
I would never do anything to hurt you.
I know.
Truth is, I can't blame the team for quitting.
I remember what it's like to get confidence.
I was a shy, nerdy third grader until a special friend showed me how to straighten out my cowlick.
I was good with hair even then.
I hated sleeping in those barrettes, but it was totally worth it.
I've got about 100 problems barrettes can't fix, but that's another story.
Well, I think I can fix one of them.
Here we go.
Introducing the new and improved Ditka High math squad.
She excels in calculus, and she never met an equation she wasn't equal to.
Meet Christine.
She's got a 4.
0 GPA, and geometry is her middle name.
It actually is.
Say hello to Michelle.
And this girl needs no introduction.
I don't need one.
I would've liked one.
Wow! This is great.
An all-girl team.
The bus ride to the meet's gonna smell so much better.
Get ready to be impressed.
I got my history test back.
- C-minus.
- Yes! So you're happy about that? Totally.
You know why? Because it's my C-minus.
Got it all by myself.
I even got half credit for Francis Bacon burger.
Logan, I'm really proud of you.
And I'm proud of me, too, for making you study on your own.
Of course, I was being threatened with a water bazooka.
You're welcome.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I gotta go.
- Where you going? Heard a rumor that Jasmine's been helping Garrett.
Got to put an end to that.