Lip Service s02e04 Episode Script

1 It's just so comforting.
Falling asleep in her arms and wake up to the sound of her breathing.
Mmm.
That quiet sound that reminds you that you're not alone and life is still worth living.
Even with Nora? Tess, you've got Nora all wrong.
She's great.
She really likes you.
What's she like with people she hates? It was her idea that I bring you breakfast today.
Why? Because she feels really bad that I'm taking her to this film awards thing tonight instead of you.
What?! I'm really sorry.
She got so excited when I told her I was going.
I couldn't help asking.
What, even though you invited me months ago? I'll make it up to you.
I'll take you out for lunch tomorrow.
Yeah, well, don't worry.
I'll find my comfort elsewhere.
So, how have you been? You know.
Keeping busy.
Hey, I got these tickets for this wine tasting thing tonight.
One of the consultants couldn't go, so he gave them to me.
Right.
I mean, he's the most pompous old arse I've ever met, but it's free wine and apparently the new Bordeauxs are "superlative.
" I don't know.
Maybe.
I'll give you a call later.
Yeah.
No, cool.
I mean, no pressure.
Hey.
How was your run? Tremendous.
But now I'm going to die.
How's Sam? Oh, I don't know.
She doesn't give much away.
I've been meaning to call her.
Ask her for a drink or something, but I just Got nothing at all in common with her? Except maybe Cat.
I mean, I guess not.
It's great you're spending time with her, though.
Hey, look.
It's been a really shitty time for both of you.
Hey, are you doing anything later? I invited Sam to this sort of wine tasting thing.
Just to get her out of the house.
I'd ask you, but I've just got a couple of tickets.
Oh, no, no.
It's fine.
No problem.
Got loads of lines to learn.
Sorry, Lex.
I borrowed your laptop again.
More job applications? No, I've written an article.
Going to see if I can get it published.
Save me from my temping nightmare.
You should've got Ed to read it.
Oh, it's all right.
I've already got an in at Minus 21 magazine.
How come? I fucked the editor.
Have you nicked my stapler again? It's a fair cop.
Sam, there's something I need to ask you.
They've released Cat's possessions from the scene.
I've got them.
They ought to go to her parents, but I I thought you might like to have them.
I mean, if you prefer, I could take them round to her I'll have a think about it.
Thanks.
OK.
I see you've finished your session with Inspector Morse.
I know, you're only supporting her as a friend.
That's right, you embittered old cynic.
Anyway, I've invited her to a wine tasting thingy tonight.
And that's not like a date or anything? No, it's nothing like a date.
You don't think she's going to think it's like a date, do you? Who's got a date? Nobody! Especially not our Lexy.
No, I've just invited Sam Who she fancies the arse off of.
To a wine tasting.
But it's not like a date.
I mean, nothing at all like a date! Right.
Everything OK? Ah, I was going to ask you to do something tonight instead of tomorrow.
Something came up.
Oh, sorry.
No worries.
I'll fix it.
Thought she was supposed to be no strings attached.
She is.
Right, so you're not going on a date and she's not in any way at all jealous.
Hmm.
Do you mind if we switch to my less finely nuanced love life? Do you think it's possible that Sex-ray is straight and my sonically calibrated gaydar is off beam? Ah, let me just check my gaydar.
It says even if he WAS gay he wouldn't fancy you.
Ha-ha! Hey.
Someone page me? Yes, I did.
There's a patient waiting for you in chairs.
Cool.
Er, there's no-one there.
Did someone else take him? No, he wouldn't see anyone else.
He only wanted you.
He was really insistent about it.
Cool, thanks.
Fine.
Now what we need is someone standing for them all arriving to give out a copy of the latest issue.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
What moron thought it would be a good idea to send a work experience to pick the investors up from the airport? If it was Karen, you can tell her she's back in the post room.
You can send that girl over.
If you'd like to just go through.
What are you doing here? I wanted to talk to you.
You're fucking joking, Sadie? Here? I told you it was a one-time thing.
Are you some sort of stalker? I wanted to give you this.
It's an article I've written for the magazine.
Remember you said I should give you my ideas? Or have you forgotten that now you've fucked me? And don't flatter yourself that I'd bother stalking you.
You weren't all that.
You coming out tonight? Oh, no.
Not tonight.
Look, Sam, if you don't want to face the whole gang, we could go back to yours for a curry.
I'll even endure your Cagney and Lacey box set.
Now, that's an offer you won't get every day.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Actually, I'm going out tonight.
Yeah? Mm-hm.
I'm going to a wine tasting event with my running partner.
Serious? Yeah.
So you're blowing out The Grampian for a wine tasting? You're never going to live this one down, Murray.
I'll see you later.
See you.
I can't believe Ed's just ditched me so he can take stupid Carol to the film awards instead.
It's amazing the depths people will stoop to for regular sex.
Yeah, well, he's supposed to be my best friend.
He's pretty much the only friend I've got left here, apart from you.
What about your new flatmates? I thought you were bonding with them.
Well, they're too busy having vital, life-enhancing sexual experiences.
Can't you tell them to conduct their sexcapades elsewhere? Oh, they're all right.
Well, Sadie's a bit of a pain, but Lexy's lovely.
Like, she's really kind and understanding, you know.
Tess! Mmm? Have you fallen for your roomie? No! God, no.
OK, maybe a little bit.
But, you know, it's pretty hopeless.
I mean, she hardly looks at me.
Not like she's picturing me naked, anyway.
Sext her.
What? Show her what she's missing.
What all the kids are doing.
Um, no, because then she'd think I was a psycho.
I did actually try asking her out this morning, but she said she was busy, so Well, where did you ask her out to? Pub.
Well, that's not going to work.
You've got to invite her somewhere outside the flatmate zone.
So the mood can take you.
Well, I can't ask her out officially.
If she turns me down, we'll be stuck avoiding each other for the next year over the Rice Krispies.
Listen, think stealth dating.
Pretend to take her somewhere fun and friendly, like salsa classes.
One minute you're doing the salsa, the next you're rumba-ing in her knickers.
What, really?! Try it.
See where it leads you.
Yeah, well, knowing me, it will probably lead to humiliation and a really bad hangover.
You're late.
And put your fucking hat on.
I can't talk about this just now.
I'm at work.
No, I've got to go.
You all right? Yeah.
Domestic bliss.
Susie's being a bit of a nightmare.
If our thing is causing any extra strain, you know, we can just cool it off for a while.
No, it's got nothing to do with that.
It's her work.
And maybe now that I'm a bit stressed, you could help me let off some steam.
Oh, um yeah.
No, I can't.
I've got to see Sam.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about your big date.
Big non-date.
Yeah, I should go.
I can't believe Hearts Of Stone is still on at my local.
Every day I have to pass that kilted twat.
"Thomas Delaware IS Hamish of Scone.
" The heart that bears the stone will e'er be free! Oh, come on! That was a good impression.
Do you think if I killed Nora, they'd let me off for justifiable homicide? I bet there's loads of people who would testify how incredibly Tess Tess, Tess, Tess.
I am so, so sorry about tonight.
Myself and Eddie have just been racked with guilt.
But I have bought you a bottle.
So, you can still have a lovely evening at home.
Oh, great! Me and my bottle of really really posh champagne! Hi, Lexy.
So, are you coming? Great! OK, cool.
Um, I'll pick you up in an hour.
OK, see you.
Bye.
Sadie, table 12 wants cheese.
Can I help you? I came to apologise.
There was no need for me to be so rude.
OK.
Apology accepted.
It's no excuse, but I am just really, really busy.
And yet you took time to come and say sorry in person? So, why are you really here? Let's taste the 2007.
On the nose, I'm getting cherries.
And violets.
It's more fleshy than the 2006.
Much more voluptuous.
A real animal vigour.
But I do detect a slight false note in the middle of the palate.
That's why I became a lesbian.
Ah! It seems as if someone else agrees with me.
Can you detect the false note? What flavours are you getting from the 2007? Ah, um Er Black pepper? Mm-hm.
Um cherries.
And, er Twigs.
How interesting.
Yes.
I can taste the oak.
Oh, I'm also getting a hint of citrus.
And, um Oof! I don't know how that found its way in there, but wet carpet? Maybe you'd like to share with us why you think this is a laughing matter.
A grape may just be a grape to you but everyone else is here to learn something about these fascinating Bordeaux.
Shall we continue, with number five? Oh, don't stop! Say you're sorry.
What? Say you're really, really sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh! Oh! I am late.
I am so fucking late.
Worth it, though, eh? Oh, fuck.
Untie me.
I've got to get that.
Say please.
Sadie! Oh, God.
Hey! No.
I know, I know.
It's because of the party.
So many last-minute glitches.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll see you soon.
Bye.
So, I'm a glitch, then, am I? Yeah.
You're a total fucking glitch, but a very entertaining one.
So, have you read my masterpiece, then? No.
I am going to.
If it's good enough, do I get an invite to this party? It's not that kind of party.
It's one of those schmoozy corporate things.
I'm good at schmoozing.
God, this lot would bore you to death.
Look, I'll read your article tomorrow.
I promise.
Can I give you 250? That should cover the hotel bill.
I am just in such a hurry.
It says this one's nose is a little bit rustic.
Sounds like my uncle Dale.
Oh, God.
It feels like I haven't used those muscles in a while.
Sam, you don't have to feel guilty about having fun.
I thought Cat was fucking Frankie.
What would Doesn't matter.
I was wrong.
I just I feel a little bit shit about it.
Sam, one of the first things most people feel is guilt.
Thank you, Doctor.
I'm not here for bereavement counselling.
OK, sorry.
Actually, I wanted to ask your professional opinion.
Some weird stuff's been happening at work and I can't work out if it's someone winding me up or something creepy is going on.
What's been happening? A letter in my locker.
Saying what? "I know"? Oh, and someone paged me today and when I got there, the patient had disappeared.
I've tried to figure it out but I've realised I mean, there's nothing mysterious or interesting or even vaguely secret about my life, which is kind of sad.
Have you pissed anyone off lately? Not more than usual.
Is your girlfriend the jealous type? No.
I don't have a girlfriend.
I need the toilet.
It's OK.
Keep breathing into your hands, that's it.
Breathe into here.
Bit deeper if you can.
Has this happened before? Once or twice.
Oh, no.
Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone.
OK, let's get you home.
You all right? So, that's £145, please.
Keep the change.
Oh! Ooh! Uh! We should've run straight to the pub.
Got some hair of the dog before showing up to work.
At the hospital and the police station? Maybe not such a good look.
Listen, I was thinking about your stalker thing.
You need to write everything down.
Exactly what happens, the time and the date.
Just in case it gets serious.
Oh, great.
You think I'll end up tied to some weirdo's radiator? No! You just might need it as proof.
I don't know.
I think it's just a case of mistaken identity.
Have you told them at work about your panic attacks? No.
They'd just stick me on desk duty and I couldn't hack it.
Oh, fuck running.
I'm getting a Danish.
Hey! Hey, Tess.
Hey, um I was just, er I was just reading an article in The List about skateboarding.
Not that I'm into skateboarding.
Anyway, there was an advert next to it for a roller disco.
Which I reckon I was pretty good at, back in the day.
Could go backwards and everything.
Anyway, it's on tonight.
Yeah, sounds cool.
Brilliant.
Hey! How did it go with the Minus 21 editor? Pretty good.
You fucked her again, didn't you? It was hardly a chore.
She's hot and she could be my ride out of cheese hell.
Look at you, Anna Nicole Smith! When's the article coming out? When she's read it, I guess.
Hey, you.
How was the non-date? Yeah, it was good, thanks.
Excellent.
You can tell me all about it later because I managed to sort out tonight.
Yeah? Is everything OK with? Yeah.
As I suspected, PMT.
Do you mind just coming over to mine? Sure.
I'm looking forward to hearing all the non-details.
You see? Non-jealous.
Non-girlfriend.
Guess who's going to the roller disco with Lexy and is pretty good at roller-skating? I spoke to Maggie about Ronald.
Do you know what she's offering? Weekends.
Well, isn't that kind of when you want a dog? At the weekends? Especially if you're single.
That's what they're banking on.
Leaving them free to fly to Rome on romantic mini-breaks.
Get real! So, what are you going to do? I'm lawyering up.
Show her and Delaware they're fucking with the wrong man.
OK.
And if that one cuts up rough today, she can have a piece of me too.
Morning, everyone.
Can we do the rapprochement scene again? I just I loved Tess's anger towards me yesterday.
Wasn't she fantastic, Rory? Yeah, that was really good work, Tess.
Nice jumper, Hugh.
Oh, thanks.
It's new.
Right.
Can we go from "Beautiful, sorrowful roses"? Yep.
Er, the Welsh goat? No.
The Irish goat? It's the brie, Sadie.
It's the brie.
Can I ask you something, Sadie? Do you actually like cheese? Yeah, I love it.
And which cheese is your particular favourite? From our selection? I like all of them.
This restaurant is famous for its cheese board.
And there are plenty of genuine cheese enthusiasts out there who would give their eye teeth I know, I'm sorry.
It's just I really, really need the loo.
OK.
When nature calls Thanks.
Say cheese.
The crowdie, or gruth in Gaelic.
A Viking oat-covered green cheese.
Bonnet, a delicious goat's milk cheese from a small Ayrshire dairy.
And finally, Bishop Kennedy, an unpasteurised Scottish cheese, washed in whisky and named after a 15th-century bishop from St Andrews.
Right.
Looks like we've got the cheese situation covered.
What time do you get off? Not for a long while yet.
Oh, that's OK.
See, we're staying over.
I wouldn't want you to miss out.
Thanks, but I'm seeing my girlfriend later.
Oh, really? Well, your girlfriend is welcome to join us too.
Only if she is as hot as you are, eh? She's really hot.
She's just not interested in wankers.
Oh, sorry! I meant bankers.
Waitress! This wine's corked.
It's fine.
Are you still pissed off at me for seeing Nora? No.
No, actually, I think anyone who is going to make you happy right now must be a good thing.
And Nora seems really happy, which is great for everyone.
You've changed your tune.
Yeah, well, I think you've got to grab love when it comes along.
Nora's got this friend, Meg.
We're seeing her later.
She's gay and she's fit and Nora and I think you'd be perfect together.
Oh, thanks.
But I'm busy tonight.
Really? What are you doing? Just a girls' night out with Lexy.
He's wearing a perfectly pressed shirt, he's clearly using hair product.
He's selected a low calorie beverage.
How much more definite can you get? I need proof.
So just go and ask him if he owns the Glee box set.
You ask him! OK, fuck it! I'll go and find out, but you owe me.
Excuse me.
I was thinking of getting the Moroccan tagine.
I've always wanted to go to Morocco.
Have you ever been to Morocco? Yes, I have.
Oh? Cool! Who did you, er Who did you go with? My sister.
Not your Wife? No.
But I am gay.
Oh, no.
No, I didn't Ah! Yeah, he's gay.
Yes! I can never see him again.
Sadie! I've had a complaint from table Was you on the phone? You shouldn't even have that with you.
Where is your fucking hat? Do you know what? You can take your hat, and your cheese, and your stupid poncey job and stuff it up your tight little arse! I've come to collect Cat's things from the scene.
OK.
If you're sure.
There's no rush.
I'm sure.
Here you are.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Work before pleasure.
Did you read my article? Oh, yeah.
It was good.
It was good but, um We're pretty full over the next few issues, so Right.
What's wrong? Well, I've just lost my job, so I won't be able to pay the rent, which probably means I'll get kicked out of my flat.
Apart from that, I'm peachy! I'm sorry.
Maybe you should come to the party tonight.
Well, you might be able to get some useful contacts.
And you don't mind me coming now? No.
I'd like us both to come.
I think that can be arranged.
Oh, yeah.
Can you sort the hotel bill again today? 250 was enough yesterday, wasn't it? Here.
Actually, it was too much.
The room's only 150.
OK.
Thanks.
I'll get your change from yesterday.
No, there's no need.
Yeah, there is.
Thanks.
So, I'll see you at the party, then? Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Any dress codes? Doesn't matter.
Come on.
Hello! Anyone home? I'm in the kitchen.
With wine.
Wow.
Something smells nice.
Oh, it's just a little something I rustled up.
Oh, I could do with eating before we go out.
Go out? Oh, no.
Bea's coming over.
So, you're not up for the roller disco, then? What roller disco? Yeah.
We er, we said we might go tonight? Oh, did we? Sorry, Tess.
I'd love to, but Oh, no.
It's fine.
Actually actually it's good, because Ed's asked me to go out with him and Nora, so Come on.
You hate Nora.
Yeah, but they're fixing me up with one of Nora's friends.
Apparently she's well fit.
Oh, so you DON'T mind? No! No.
Cool.
Well, maybe we'll both be getting some tonight.
Maybe! Yeah, I'm just going to call Ed.
OK.
Yep.
Wow! You look hot.
Thanks.
Is Bea not here yet? No, no.
She cancelled.
She's throwing up.
Oh, well, that's Look, I'll call Ed and cancel.
I mean, we've still got time to go to the roller disco.
Oh, don't worry.
I couldn't be arsed moving, anyway.
Still, I mean, we could just have a quiet night in.
That's very sweet, Tess, but I'm fine, really.
Just go out.
Have fun.
Might meet the woman of your dreams.
Hello? Hello.
This is the Highland Bank calling.
Am I speaking to Lexy Price? Yep, but I'm kind of busy right now.
This won't take a moment, Miss Price.
There have been some unusual transactions on your card.
If I can just take you through security? Yeah.
Can you confirm that your full address is 16 Birchmore Street, Glasgow? Uh-huh.
Yeah, but it's 14.
What are the transactions? Hello? Who is this? Tess! Meg, Tess.
Tess, Meg.
Hi.
My old BFF and my new BFF.
So excited to get you two together.
Don't they make a cute couple? Yeah.
So, Tess, what scandalous stories has Nora told you about me? Oh, don't worry.
I didn't tell her about the time you threw beer over that ugly fat girl.
Typical me.
I go a bit mad sometimes.
Look, we are going to go outside for, um a ciggie.
OK? But neither of you smokes.
See you in a bit.
So, how do you know Nora? I'm a make-up artist.
Oh, right.
On Cardiac Care? Wow.
Hi.
Can I join your conversation? I don't know anyone here.
I'm Sadie.
Hi, Sadie.
I'm Dan.
Dan.
This is Stewart.
Hello, Stewart.
Take it you don't work here, then.
I don't work anywhere.
That's why I'm here.
Got any jobs going? Straight for the jugular! What's your background? Property, mainly.
But I can turn my hand to most things.
We were looking for someone to help with our property pages a while back.
Fantastic.
I'll give you my card.
Just excuse me one minute.
Wow.
What happened there? Social annihilation by cheese.
I was just on the scent of some actual work as well.
Unemployment by cheese.
Yeah.
Do you work here too? No, I run an art gallery over in the Merchant City.
It's called The Space.
Sadie Anderson.
Oh, cool.
Jo Glass.
I'm Lauren's partner.
You are still here.
You all right? What you looking at? It's my mate's house.
She thinks she might have a stalker.
Where is that? Birchmore Street? You know you could get suspended for this.
I know.
I just had to check it out.
I'm nearly done now.
I never saw this.
OK? OK.
Course, I meet a lot of actresses in my line of work.
And most of them fall for me.
Oh, could we have another bottle, please? Oh, they don't say anything but I can always tell by the way they look at me.
A lot of straight girls want to work out their lesbian fantasies on a girl like me.
Oh, that's lovely.
We're a rare breed, you and me.
Pretty dykes.
I mean, it's a bit of dogs home out there, isn't it? Oh, well, I wouldn't necessarily say that.
I mean I had this thing last season with Shelley Prince.
Er You know, she plays Jessica in Cardiac Care.
Right.
And I also had a little thing with Gina Summers.
You know, she plays Jessica's sister, Shae.
Yes.
So, you could say, I've had both of the Moncrieff twins.
That's hilarious.
I guess you don't get the same calibre of star in theatre as you do in television.
You know, I could probably get you a meeting for Cardiac Care.
Oh, that's that's sweet but I'm pretty busy with Chekhov at the moment, so Chekhov? Who's he?! Cardiac Care is today's Shakespeare.
I know, that was Keith White in the Partick Daily Post.
So, where did you meet Lauren, Sadie? Oh, I came in to pitch for work.
But she didn't have anything for me.
Oh, not leaving many stones unturned, are you? Here she comes.
Hey! Surprised to see me? Gavin cancelled at the last minute.
I could make it after all.
Must be a nice surprise for you, Lauren.
Yeah.
So, do you two know each other? No, we just met in the loo.
I hope you're introducing Sadie to some useful people.
I've got to go speak to an investor before she leaves.
Don't worry about us.
Go and charm the pants off her.
OK.
And that's when I realised I could make some extra cash foot modelling.
Ah.
I wonder what's happened to Ed and Nora? Yeah.
I'm going to go and find them.
Hey! Did you? I've missed you.
Ah, that's that's nice.
Er Really quiet.
Cos my flatmate's asleep.
OK.
Ah! Wha? Say, "Stand and deliver.
" What? I'm a beautiful princess.
And you're a fearless highwaywoman holding up my carriage.
OK.
Um Stand and deliver.
Now rub my royal lady mound.
OK, I'm What's up? Did you want to be princess, Tess? No.
No.
I'm just I'm feeling really ill, suddenly.
Oh, no.
What's the matter? I just feel really sick.
And I've got a real bad headache.
My leg hurts.
Your leg? Yeah.
Yeah, it's like there's a sort of tingling in my lower thigh.
Oh, shit! Shall I call NHS 24? See if we should take you to hospital? No, no, it's fine.
I just need to rest.
My housemate's a doctor, so Why didn't you say? I'll go get her.
No, no, no.
You can't.
You can't wake her.
She's got work tomorrow.
I'm sure she won't mind in an emergency.
No, no.
Really.
Is this her room here? Is there a doctor in the house? Hang on.
Everything all right? No.
It's Tess.
She's really ill.
What's the matter, Tess? Are you feeling sick? Yeah.
Really sick.
Is it something that you ate? No.
Right, well, um OK.
Yeah, let's have a look at this.
So, you're feeling sick.
Look up.
And anything else? Just a really, really bad headache.
And that tingling in your leg.
Yeah.
It's like a tingling in my upper thigh.
You said lower before.
It's moved.
A tingling in your upper thigh? That's quite an unusual presentation.
I don't like the sound of this.
What do you think it is? Could be bacterial hydritis, in which case we're going to have to take her in.
So, um, if you could maybe go home.
Oh, I don't mind staying and keeping an eye on Tess while you sleep.
Oh, no, no, really.
Go home.
Why? Do you think it's infectious? Unfortunately, very.
Right.
Well, if you're sure there's nothing I can do.
All right, but, um Thanks.
Yeah.
Yeah, thanks, Meg.
OK.
Bye.
So, Sadie, I really must introduce you to some useful people.
There's no need.
I've already landed myself a plum job.
She's coming to work for me.
No! I mean, Sadie's in property.
I'm a saleswoman, actually, Lauren.
It doesn't matter if it's art or houses.
She's perfect for the gallery.
Means I can finally give that stroppy French cow the boot.
She's been on a warning for months now.
Well, right.
Congratulations.
Darling, I've just got to pick up a few things.
A few bits and pieces from the office.
Then we can go for dinner.
Yeah.
Perhaps you'd like to join us, Sadie? No, thanks.
I think I'll leave you two to your evening.
What the fuck are you doing? I told you.
I need a job.
With my wife? Are you fucking mad? No.
Just very practical.
You're a bit paranoid, aren't you? You're not going to ask me to leave, then? Lexy, it's Sam.
Will you let me in? Hey.
Hey, are you all right? It was true.
Cat was fucking Frankie.
What? They were meeting here too.
Wait a second.
Are you sure? I saw her on CCTV.
She was here before she died.
That's fucking She could have told me.
She could have given me that at least.
Frankie, that useless bitch! OK.
Come here.
I haven't changed the sheets.
I've done everything else.
I've packed up her clothes.
Hey, Sam.
Come on.
Sam, come on.
Sam! Come on, don't! Don't, Sam.
Stop, Sam! Sam, stop, Sam.
Don't! I don't want it! Not like this, OK? Sorry.
I'm sorry.
No.
No, Sam.
Sam, wait.
I didn't Sam, wait!