Lip Sync Battle (2015) s02e04 Episode Script
Josh Gad vs. Kaley Cuoco
Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good Everybody say it's just like rock 'n' roll Well, it's plain to see you were meant for me Yeah, I'm your boy, Your 20th Century toy.
From Hollis to Hollywood, he is all good.
Please welcome the host of "Lip Sync Battle," LL Cool J! Whoa! Hands in the air! Hands in the air! Now let me hear you say, "Yeah.
" Yeah! Now scream! Whoo! This is "Lip Sync Battle," where the top celebrities of the day come out to play.
Tonight we got a pair of superstar comedic actors going head-to-head, but before you meet them, it's time to bring out the lady of the house, our colorful commentator supreme, the flavorful, the effervescent Chrissy Teigen.
Everywhere I go, go, go All they do is stare, stare, stare All they do is stare, stare, stare All they do is stare, stare, stare.
That girl is on fire! Ooh, you guys sound so good.
- They sound good.
- Sound so good.
- Sound great.
- Are you ready for this? I am so ready for tonight.
These are two of the most competitive people I've ever seen on this show.
It'll be crazy.
I heard they were texting back and forth and doing some nutty stuff.
But should we do this thing or what? Some weird stuff is gonna happen tonight.
We have to do it.
Let's do it now.
- Let's do it.
Let's do it.
- I'm excited.
Everybody ready to meet the stars of tonight's show? She's a radiant presence on "The Big Bang Theory" but tonight she vows to be a dark cloud hovering over her opponent.
It's the beautiful Kaley Cuoco.
Hey, guys! And this guy here, he's a funny star of stage and screen, and he's the voice of Olaf in "Frozen.
" It's a cool movie.
My kids love it, and he hopes you love him.
- Give it up - He's not that funny.
For Josh Gad.
What up, Josh? How you doing? I just want to say I almost dressed up as a Lakers cheerleader today.
- Glad I didn't go with that.
- Oh, good one.
Oh.
Oh, did someone write that joke for you, Josh? - As a matter of fact, yes.
- Good one.
Already? I told you they were competitive.
It's going to be a bloodbath.
Josh, you should leave now, because it's over! Qui is it Cucou? Caca? Oh, my goodness.
Should we fire this thing up or what? - Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
Ooh.
Oh! All right, you know what? Eeny, meeny, miny Mmm.
I like that outfit.
Kaley, you're up first! Josh, please take a seat in the V.
I.
P.
- You look great.
Welcome.
- You know how serious I am.
Thank you.
I'm so happy to be here.
I heard you been watching the show.
You've seen it a few times.
I've seen every episode, and I have been begging to be here, and I finally made it! So which song you going to knock Josh out the box with tonight? I'm gonna sing a little romantic song called "Move, Bitch," okay? - Oh, yeah.
- And that is for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kaley Cuoco.
Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Oh, no, the fight's out I'm 'bout to punch yo' lights out Doin' 100 on the highway So if you do the speed limit Get the (bleep) out of my way - Oh! - I'm D.
U.
I.
Hardly ever caught sober And you about to get ran the (bleep) over Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way - Bitch - Move, bitch - Watch out - Get out the way Get out the way, bitch, get out the way - Bitch - Move, bitch - Get out the way - Watch out Get out the way, bitch, Get out the way Hold up, wait up, shorty Oh, ah, what's up? Get my (bleep) sucked What are you doin'? Sidelining my (bleep) business Tryin' to get my baby child support suing Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move, bitch This is not what America loves.
Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move.
All right.
Hey, uh, Kaley, how long did it take you to learn all four words to that song? Ooh.
Longer than you think.
How competitive is this thing between you two? Like, how competitive is I hear you been playing mind games.
It's getting pretty nasty.
He sent me - Yeah.
- You think that Mr.
Olaf, the snowman is kind.
Well, he's not.
That's not true.
Wait till you see the text messages from this guy.
- No.
No.
- His kids.
His kids.
No.
I did not say the words, "I'm gonna (bleep) down your throat.
" Yes, he did! Well, could you say - That was a text - those words in Olaf's voice? I could, but Disney would sue me.
I love it.
Okay, so, Kaley, please have a seat over there in the V.
I.
P.
So relax.
Whoo, yes.
Spanky, spanky.
Josh, you come on over here.
It's time to show these people what you're made of.
Oh, yeah.
This is a little song dedicated to the legendary Whitney from Houston.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Josh Gad.
Oh, no.
There's a boy I know He's the one I dream of Looks into my eyes Takes me to the clouds above Mm-hmm When I wake From dreaming Tell me, is it really love? Ooh How will I know? Don't trust your feelings How will I know? How will I know? Love can be deceiving How will I know? How will I know if he really loves me? I try to phone, but I'm too shy Can't speak Falling in love is so bittersweet This love is strong Why do I feel weak? If he loves me If he loves me not Ohh How will I know? Mm, how will I know? Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Josh I'm not gonna lie, LL.
I may have a heart attack now.
Chrissy, how will you know? What is there even to say? You had pep in your step, you knew every word, and you were adorable.
Look at him.
I mean, look, I like to sing.
I've done Broadway.
It's a thing in New York, Kaley.
Uh, I I'm busy on my number one show, working here at home.
All right, Josh.
You go take a seat in the V.
I.
P.
Wow.
In case you haven't noticed, Josh Gad and Kaley Cuoco are dead serious about winning.
Stick around for round two.
if he's thinking of me? I try to phone, but I'm too shy Tonight is a "Lip Sync Battle" to remember.
We've got a full-on grudge match here between Kaley Cuoco and Josh Gad.
Josh is just moments away from unveiling his round-two performance, but first, let's see what his training regimen in lip sync boot camp has been like.
I'm about to meet Kaley Co Cowcow Cooca Cookiah.
The girl from "Big Bang Theory.
" Even though I've met her before, today I'm gonna act like I don't know her.
He's been sending me dirty, dark, trash-talk text messages.
He said he's going to down my throat.
Yeah, I only sent an encouraging text, like, "I'm going to bury you alive.
" Maybe there was one like that, but I Not that I remember.
All right, here we go, guys.
How we doing? Good to see you, too.
It's personal, and it's She's made it so personal.
- Guys, I have the funniest idea.
- You're so committed.
Let's break Kaley's legs.
How funny would that be? I'm feeling good.
And by good, I mean I got to take a big right now.
You Ahh! Shut the face.
We're five minutes away, - glam team, all right? - We're ready.
Kaley's ready to go now.
She just needs a little Botox, and she'll be ready.
Josh I love myself I want you to love me When I feel down I want you above me I search myself - No! - I want you to find me I forget myself I want you to remind me I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself Oh, I don't want - It's Donald Trump.
- Anybody else Oh, my God! My face hurts! Oh, no, oh, no I want you.
I don't want anybody else.
And when I think about you, I touch myself.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh, ooh.
I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself Oh, I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself - I touch myself - Ahh! I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I honestly do.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
Ah! No! What just happened? "The Big Bang Theory" will never be the same.
That's the first thing we got to know.
Is that who I thought it was? Like who I think it is? That was Mr.
Johnny Galecki.
That was one Johnny Galecki, who, I'm not gonna lie, violated my mouth.
Uh Kaley, what did you think? I I don't I don't know I have no words with what just happened, what is happening.
I mean, Johnny, who I thought was my friend, just showed up and did the whole thing, so I am shocked, impressed, and ready to battle.
I'm very impressed with you.
Whoa.
Okay, Josh, why don't you head on over to the V.
I.
P.
for a second.
Money man.
Dolla bill, y'all.
Chrissy Teigen, talk to me.
I have never seen any (bleep) thing like that in my entire life.
That was unbelievable.
This is so great.
Can this night get any stranger? We'll find out when "Lip Sync Battle" comes back for the last song of the night.
anybody else When I think about you, I touch Tonight's "Lip Sync Battle" is almost over, so make some noise! - Whoo! - Whoo! And now it's up to Kaley Cuoco to strike back and steal the hearts of our audience.
To give you an idea how much this night means to Kaley, take a look at how she prepared for the battle.
You're going down, Josh Gad.
- Do you hear that? - You're going down.
Even my makeup artist thinks you suck.
Josh doesn't know what's about to hit him, okay? He should just go home now, 'cause it's over.
My costar in there.
Costar's in there.
He's nine feet long.
I always wanted to put Josh Gad in one of these.
All right, let's let's take my costar out.
Okay, there we are.
And it's Wow! Yes.
Okay, let's go.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Kaley Cuoco, everybody! As much fun as you want to have - Okay.
Yep.
- Obviously with Josh.
The crowd is going nuts.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the best.
Oh, wait.
He's friendly? Oh, okay.
- Does it look good? - Yes.
And funny? Click.
Josh should go home now, okay? Yeah.
Go home now, Josh! Go home now.
I know I may be young But I've got feelings, too And I need to do What I feel like doing So let me go, and just listen All you people look at me Like I'm a little girl Well, did you ever think it'd be okay For me to step into this world? Always saying, "Little girl, don't step into the club" Well, I'm just trying to find out why 'Cause dancing's what I love I'm a slave for you I cannot hold it I cannot control it I'm a slave for you I won't deny it I'm not trying to hide it Baby, don't you wanna Dance up on me To another time and place? Oh, baby, don't you wanna Dance up on me Are you ready? Leaving behind my name and age? I'm a slave for you Slave for you I cannot hold it I cannot control it I'm a slave for you I won't deny it I'm not trying to hide it, baby Like that.
Oh! All right.
Ohh.
Did you just perform with a real albino python? Yes, I did, LL! His name was Steve.
I'd like everyone to know Steve the snake.
- Steve the snake? - Ain't he cute, yeah? And he kissed me earlier, and it was really nice.
- My my - Take that, Josh Gad! My donkey's name is Jonathan, and he was also very friendly.
- Chrissy - Oh, my God.
What's up with the bird, man? This is Robert.
Robert and I thought you and Steve killed it.
Josh thought he was cool with the donkey.
It was amazing.
- Pretty good.
- Thanks, Chrissy.
Little Kaley Spears.
Kaley Spears, everybody.
So Kaley's trying to snake the victory from Josh, but did he already play the ultimate Trump card? The audience decides when "Lip Sync Battle" comes back.
slave for you Can you believe what we witnessed tonight? Now, now, we come to the payoff.
It is time for the crowd to decide which of these two goes home with the "Lip Sync Battle" championship belt.
All right? Chrissy, let's do this.
Let's do this.
Is tonight's champion Josh Gad? Or is tonight's champion Kaley Cuoco? Whoo! The people have spoken, and the "Lip Sync Battle" champion is Josh Gad.
Well played.
Let me say something.
I want to say Hang on.
Hang on.
Before you put this on It won't fit anyway, LL.
I promise.
Before you put this on, I just want - to say something.
- It's on! I'm honored, but I cannot accept this, because Kaley Cuoco's dream was to do "Lip Sync" today, so I'm giving this to Kaley.
Ohh.
I don't want anybody else When I think about you What are your feelings right now? I serious I was with you.
I want this back.
Nah, Josh.
Keep Hold on.
I would just disqualify your ass for that.
That was foul.
Once again, let's hear it for Josh and Kaley! Good night from me, LL Cool J, and my girl Chrissy Teigen.
And remember, no matter what you do, knock 'em out the box, L.
Knock 'em out, L.
I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself Oh, I don't want anybody else Yeah! When I think about you I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself.
From Hollis to Hollywood, he is all good.
Please welcome the host of "Lip Sync Battle," LL Cool J! Whoa! Hands in the air! Hands in the air! Now let me hear you say, "Yeah.
" Yeah! Now scream! Whoo! This is "Lip Sync Battle," where the top celebrities of the day come out to play.
Tonight we got a pair of superstar comedic actors going head-to-head, but before you meet them, it's time to bring out the lady of the house, our colorful commentator supreme, the flavorful, the effervescent Chrissy Teigen.
Everywhere I go, go, go All they do is stare, stare, stare All they do is stare, stare, stare All they do is stare, stare, stare.
That girl is on fire! Ooh, you guys sound so good.
- They sound good.
- Sound so good.
- Sound great.
- Are you ready for this? I am so ready for tonight.
These are two of the most competitive people I've ever seen on this show.
It'll be crazy.
I heard they were texting back and forth and doing some nutty stuff.
But should we do this thing or what? Some weird stuff is gonna happen tonight.
We have to do it.
Let's do it now.
- Let's do it.
Let's do it.
- I'm excited.
Everybody ready to meet the stars of tonight's show? She's a radiant presence on "The Big Bang Theory" but tonight she vows to be a dark cloud hovering over her opponent.
It's the beautiful Kaley Cuoco.
Hey, guys! And this guy here, he's a funny star of stage and screen, and he's the voice of Olaf in "Frozen.
" It's a cool movie.
My kids love it, and he hopes you love him.
- Give it up - He's not that funny.
For Josh Gad.
What up, Josh? How you doing? I just want to say I almost dressed up as a Lakers cheerleader today.
- Glad I didn't go with that.
- Oh, good one.
Oh.
Oh, did someone write that joke for you, Josh? - As a matter of fact, yes.
- Good one.
Already? I told you they were competitive.
It's going to be a bloodbath.
Josh, you should leave now, because it's over! Qui is it Cucou? Caca? Oh, my goodness.
Should we fire this thing up or what? - Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
Ooh.
Oh! All right, you know what? Eeny, meeny, miny Mmm.
I like that outfit.
Kaley, you're up first! Josh, please take a seat in the V.
I.
P.
- You look great.
Welcome.
- You know how serious I am.
Thank you.
I'm so happy to be here.
I heard you been watching the show.
You've seen it a few times.
I've seen every episode, and I have been begging to be here, and I finally made it! So which song you going to knock Josh out the box with tonight? I'm gonna sing a little romantic song called "Move, Bitch," okay? - Oh, yeah.
- And that is for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kaley Cuoco.
Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Oh, no, the fight's out I'm 'bout to punch yo' lights out Doin' 100 on the highway So if you do the speed limit Get the (bleep) out of my way - Oh! - I'm D.
U.
I.
Hardly ever caught sober And you about to get ran the (bleep) over Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way - Bitch - Move, bitch - Watch out - Get out the way Get out the way, bitch, get out the way - Bitch - Move, bitch - Get out the way - Watch out Get out the way, bitch, Get out the way Hold up, wait up, shorty Oh, ah, what's up? Get my (bleep) sucked What are you doin'? Sidelining my (bleep) business Tryin' to get my baby child support suing Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move, bitch This is not what America loves.
Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move, bitch Get out the way Get out the way, bitch Get out the way Move.
All right.
Hey, uh, Kaley, how long did it take you to learn all four words to that song? Ooh.
Longer than you think.
How competitive is this thing between you two? Like, how competitive is I hear you been playing mind games.
It's getting pretty nasty.
He sent me - Yeah.
- You think that Mr.
Olaf, the snowman is kind.
Well, he's not.
That's not true.
Wait till you see the text messages from this guy.
- No.
No.
- His kids.
His kids.
No.
I did not say the words, "I'm gonna (bleep) down your throat.
" Yes, he did! Well, could you say - That was a text - those words in Olaf's voice? I could, but Disney would sue me.
I love it.
Okay, so, Kaley, please have a seat over there in the V.
I.
P.
So relax.
Whoo, yes.
Spanky, spanky.
Josh, you come on over here.
It's time to show these people what you're made of.
Oh, yeah.
This is a little song dedicated to the legendary Whitney from Houston.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Josh Gad.
Oh, no.
There's a boy I know He's the one I dream of Looks into my eyes Takes me to the clouds above Mm-hmm When I wake From dreaming Tell me, is it really love? Ooh How will I know? Don't trust your feelings How will I know? How will I know? Love can be deceiving How will I know? How will I know if he really loves me? I try to phone, but I'm too shy Can't speak Falling in love is so bittersweet This love is strong Why do I feel weak? If he loves me If he loves me not Ohh How will I know? Mm, how will I know? Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Josh I'm not gonna lie, LL.
I may have a heart attack now.
Chrissy, how will you know? What is there even to say? You had pep in your step, you knew every word, and you were adorable.
Look at him.
I mean, look, I like to sing.
I've done Broadway.
It's a thing in New York, Kaley.
Uh, I I'm busy on my number one show, working here at home.
All right, Josh.
You go take a seat in the V.
I.
P.
Wow.
In case you haven't noticed, Josh Gad and Kaley Cuoco are dead serious about winning.
Stick around for round two.
if he's thinking of me? I try to phone, but I'm too shy Tonight is a "Lip Sync Battle" to remember.
We've got a full-on grudge match here between Kaley Cuoco and Josh Gad.
Josh is just moments away from unveiling his round-two performance, but first, let's see what his training regimen in lip sync boot camp has been like.
I'm about to meet Kaley Co Cowcow Cooca Cookiah.
The girl from "Big Bang Theory.
" Even though I've met her before, today I'm gonna act like I don't know her.
He's been sending me dirty, dark, trash-talk text messages.
He said he's going to down my throat.
Yeah, I only sent an encouraging text, like, "I'm going to bury you alive.
" Maybe there was one like that, but I Not that I remember.
All right, here we go, guys.
How we doing? Good to see you, too.
It's personal, and it's She's made it so personal.
- Guys, I have the funniest idea.
- You're so committed.
Let's break Kaley's legs.
How funny would that be? I'm feeling good.
And by good, I mean I got to take a big right now.
You Ahh! Shut the face.
We're five minutes away, - glam team, all right? - We're ready.
Kaley's ready to go now.
She just needs a little Botox, and she'll be ready.
Josh I love myself I want you to love me When I feel down I want you above me I search myself - No! - I want you to find me I forget myself I want you to remind me I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself Oh, I don't want - It's Donald Trump.
- Anybody else Oh, my God! My face hurts! Oh, no, oh, no I want you.
I don't want anybody else.
And when I think about you, I touch myself.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh, ooh.
I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself Oh, I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself - I touch myself - Ahh! I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I honestly do.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
Ah! No! What just happened? "The Big Bang Theory" will never be the same.
That's the first thing we got to know.
Is that who I thought it was? Like who I think it is? That was Mr.
Johnny Galecki.
That was one Johnny Galecki, who, I'm not gonna lie, violated my mouth.
Uh Kaley, what did you think? I I don't I don't know I have no words with what just happened, what is happening.
I mean, Johnny, who I thought was my friend, just showed up and did the whole thing, so I am shocked, impressed, and ready to battle.
I'm very impressed with you.
Whoa.
Okay, Josh, why don't you head on over to the V.
I.
P.
for a second.
Money man.
Dolla bill, y'all.
Chrissy Teigen, talk to me.
I have never seen any (bleep) thing like that in my entire life.
That was unbelievable.
This is so great.
Can this night get any stranger? We'll find out when "Lip Sync Battle" comes back for the last song of the night.
anybody else When I think about you, I touch Tonight's "Lip Sync Battle" is almost over, so make some noise! - Whoo! - Whoo! And now it's up to Kaley Cuoco to strike back and steal the hearts of our audience.
To give you an idea how much this night means to Kaley, take a look at how she prepared for the battle.
You're going down, Josh Gad.
- Do you hear that? - You're going down.
Even my makeup artist thinks you suck.
Josh doesn't know what's about to hit him, okay? He should just go home now, 'cause it's over.
My costar in there.
Costar's in there.
He's nine feet long.
I always wanted to put Josh Gad in one of these.
All right, let's let's take my costar out.
Okay, there we are.
And it's Wow! Yes.
Okay, let's go.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Kaley Cuoco, everybody! As much fun as you want to have - Okay.
Yep.
- Obviously with Josh.
The crowd is going nuts.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the best.
Oh, wait.
He's friendly? Oh, okay.
- Does it look good? - Yes.
And funny? Click.
Josh should go home now, okay? Yeah.
Go home now, Josh! Go home now.
I know I may be young But I've got feelings, too And I need to do What I feel like doing So let me go, and just listen All you people look at me Like I'm a little girl Well, did you ever think it'd be okay For me to step into this world? Always saying, "Little girl, don't step into the club" Well, I'm just trying to find out why 'Cause dancing's what I love I'm a slave for you I cannot hold it I cannot control it I'm a slave for you I won't deny it I'm not trying to hide it Baby, don't you wanna Dance up on me To another time and place? Oh, baby, don't you wanna Dance up on me Are you ready? Leaving behind my name and age? I'm a slave for you Slave for you I cannot hold it I cannot control it I'm a slave for you I won't deny it I'm not trying to hide it, baby Like that.
Oh! All right.
Ohh.
Did you just perform with a real albino python? Yes, I did, LL! His name was Steve.
I'd like everyone to know Steve the snake.
- Steve the snake? - Ain't he cute, yeah? And he kissed me earlier, and it was really nice.
- My my - Take that, Josh Gad! My donkey's name is Jonathan, and he was also very friendly.
- Chrissy - Oh, my God.
What's up with the bird, man? This is Robert.
Robert and I thought you and Steve killed it.
Josh thought he was cool with the donkey.
It was amazing.
- Pretty good.
- Thanks, Chrissy.
Little Kaley Spears.
Kaley Spears, everybody.
So Kaley's trying to snake the victory from Josh, but did he already play the ultimate Trump card? The audience decides when "Lip Sync Battle" comes back.
slave for you Can you believe what we witnessed tonight? Now, now, we come to the payoff.
It is time for the crowd to decide which of these two goes home with the "Lip Sync Battle" championship belt.
All right? Chrissy, let's do this.
Let's do this.
Is tonight's champion Josh Gad? Or is tonight's champion Kaley Cuoco? Whoo! The people have spoken, and the "Lip Sync Battle" champion is Josh Gad.
Well played.
Let me say something.
I want to say Hang on.
Hang on.
Before you put this on It won't fit anyway, LL.
I promise.
Before you put this on, I just want - to say something.
- It's on! I'm honored, but I cannot accept this, because Kaley Cuoco's dream was to do "Lip Sync" today, so I'm giving this to Kaley.
Ohh.
I don't want anybody else When I think about you What are your feelings right now? I serious I was with you.
I want this back.
Nah, Josh.
Keep Hold on.
I would just disqualify your ass for that.
That was foul.
Once again, let's hear it for Josh and Kaley! Good night from me, LL Cool J, and my girl Chrissy Teigen.
And remember, no matter what you do, knock 'em out the box, L.
Knock 'em out, L.
I don't want anybody else When I think about you, I touch myself Oh, I don't want anybody else Yeah! When I think about you I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself I touch myself.