Lost Girl (2010) s02e04 Episode Script

Oh my God Dyson.
I love your pelt.
Maybe she'll turn him into a coat.
Maybe he'll give her rabies.
I need another drink.
No maybes about it.
Ladies! Didn't see you come in.
Hey Trick, another ale for my partner, and a Sex on the Beach for the blonde.
How original.
Your boy seems jolly tonight.
Skank magnet! He's earned it.
We've been beating our heads against this massive Organized Crime case.
Now Dyson's convinced a mob mistress to testify against her boyfriend.
Girlfriend must have a death wish.
Try a massive crush on Dyson.
I'm good, but I swear, he could charm his way into the Queen Mum's panties.
Once he's done with the waitress's.
Oh! Guys, relax-- Me and Dyson -- it's cool.
I can handle it.
Bo, I am so proud of-- Ugh! SO can't handle it.
Flaming tequila, crumbly old book? Not a great combo, drunky.
I'm not drunk, I'm coping.
Trick's gonna kill you for swiping that.
Oh no, what's he gonna do? Revoke my Fae library privileges? Ugh-- Here's one: the Festering Hex.
We cast this on Dyson we can make it fall off.
To his wang! May it rest in piece.
We hit him with the old Bob Barker special then hit his waitress with-- A bad case of "Toadstool-itis".
That can't be a real thing.
It is, and it might be tricky.
How much Eye of Newt would you say we're packing? Besides, it's not the waitress' fault! I mean, Hale's right.
Dyson can be mighty convincing.
With the right spell, he can be completely neutered.
Yeah! Right there! Know what we should do? What? We should invoke Baba Yaga.
Baba-what-now? Baba Yaga.
Every young Russian devotchka's taught old witch who lives deep woods, in a cottage made of bones.
Sounds kinda drafty.
The bones of young girls who don't do what they're told.
Oh my-- You are scared of this Baba Gaga.
Baba Yaga, and yeah she's horrible! Horrible-- But she'll occasionally help chicks get revenge on a dude who's wronged them.
Uh?? Okay, I'm listening-- You get a mirror, say her name three times, tell her the name of the dude you want cursed-- Bye bye wolf junk? Perhaps we're concentrating too much on Dyson's genital region.
No, no-- We can't curse Dyson.
He sacrificed his love for me to save my life.
Deep down, we know he's all noble.
He was noble back then, but now he's all dink.
We're the good guys! We take the high road that's what we do.
So no Baby Yoda! Baba Yaga.
Whatever! No curses.
Even if seeing Dyson with someone else -- or a bunch of someone elses hurts like hell.
And it does.
Good night.
Bye.
Drink up.
Hey! Baba Yaga.
Baba Yaga.
Because he thinks he's it, but he's just shit.
Make him know what it's like to feel rejected.
To be hated.
This is my vengeance plea.
Hear me Baba Yaga! Whatever you're doing in there, my impending hangover and I request that you please shut it! Okay-- Whatevs.
That was stupid-- Asyouwish.
Life is hard when you don't know who you are.
It's harder when you don't know what you are.
My love carries a death sentence.
I was lost for years.
Searching while hiding.
Only to find I belong to a world hidden from humans.
I won't hide anymore.
I will live the life I choose.
Kenzi!!! Kenzi!!! Ahhhh, I'm up! Ugh! Awwww! I'm up-- Ugh--- How long has that stain been on the ceiling? Also-- OW!!! What is with the bathroom? The mirror is completely shattered.
How do you know it was moi? Why do I taste like shampoo? What did we get up to last night? This is what happens when we buy "wine" from the bargain bin.
Crappy merlot might explain the mutual amnesia.
But what about the itchy scab? Were we loaded enough to hit a tattoo joint? Tramp stamps are so 2005.
No, it's not a tat-- Whatever it is, it's burned into my skin.
What the Fae? Gloria-- Whenever you're feeling guilty remember how it felt every time Alberto slept with your sister.
You remember that.
I promised, I'm not gonna let him hurt you ever again.
Okay, deposition's in two days.
I'll see you then take it easy.
Gloria getting cold feet? She's still gonna testify that her boyfriend authorized the hit on Capalucci.
Mr.
Alberto Rose is gonna have to find himself a new plaything on the inside.
I must admit it.
You could talk a Nun into a threeway.
Ah, the Crusades.
Good times.
Just wish you wouldn't flaunt your skills in front of Bo.
Excuse me? Come on, she's my friend, too.
I want us all to hang sometimes without the awkwardness.
So what, you want me to pretend I'm not seeing other women? Let her think she's still got a shot? It's called subtlety.
I prefer honesty.
Honestly you're a pig you even smell like one! Oh! Some women are immune to the Wolf, wow! Does that hurt? It itches! Definitely not a tattoo.
Definitely mystical.
My face would love to hear your theories once you're done consulting my butt.
No need to feel self-conscious.
Just think of me as a doctor.
A centuries old, bartending butt-doctor? Almost like a letter, right? Y'all got some secret Fae alphabet we don't know about? You should see our Fae Sesame Street.
that would be awesome.
But you're right.
It's an initial, signature of some kind.
So, Bo-- What have you been up to lately, Fae-wise? Mostly just trying to stay off Lachlan's radar.
Ugh! Have you dined with any herbalists? Met with any mer-folk? Qu-est que huh? Have you-- communed with any particularly unusual Fae? Uh, hold up! Are you saying Bo might have a Fae STD?? A what? Baba Yaga? Tell me you didn't invoke her? Baba Yaga-- The Baba Yaga you were talking about last night? That was just talk, right? Baba Yaga is real? And she's marked Bo as her own.
Oh, Kenzi-- What did you do? Okay, so a couple of hookers spit at you.
A couple?! Try five, man! Okay five, alright, let me help you out-- Oh, damn here comes six! OH!!! Calm down! Careful I might enjoy this-- Uh, thank God! I've been waiting an hour to someone about the street racing in my neighbourhood! Ma'am I will get an officer to deal with that, just please wait-- All of you think you own the road just 'cuz you have a penis! Ugh! She must've been drunk.
No! There was no alcohol on her breath and she didn't freak out til I got in the room.
That's why the Unions arrested her.
She'll undergo a psych evaluation.
I don't get this-- Everywhere I go today women are freaking out on me! Well now you're among friends.
And I need a pint, where the hell is Trick? Oh well, there's your girl-- Audrey, can I get a pint-- What you can do is kiss my black ass! Sorry? Sorry won't stop you breaking my heart, I see the way you look at other women! There must've been some sort of misunderstanding-- --this is for womankind, and this is for me! Hey alright! Yeah! Get off me! Leave me alone! When I found out about the Fae I knew that had to mean Sasquatch and the Lochness Monster and Little Miss Piggy all existed but Baba Yaga can't, ok? She Can't! Kenzi, fess up! Why did you sick Baba Yaga on me?! I didn't, I wouldn't! I can't remember WHAT I did! The mark on my back, the shattered mirror? It all makes sense! It doesn't make any sense! Okay, okay-- Last thing I remember, we were bitching about-- Him! What? I'm gonna kill you!!! Come on-- Oh Shazzbot-- Just chill! Whoa, whoa, whoa-- Hey, hey-- Hey There you go.
I'm gonna kill him.
Oh, I been there, sister.
I'm gonna kill him.
You're fine.
I want to kill him-- I got this.
Yeah, I got this.
Yeah walk away.
Bo, what the hell is going on? Dyson, that mark.
We've been cursed.
Cursed? By Kenzi! Ta da No, it tickles.
Okay! I get it, you're pissed.
You know, I understand you hate me right now, but you put a curse on me?! What are you?! Fourteen?! Again, it wasn't me! It was Baba Yaga! Via Kenzi! Who does whatever she thinks you want her to do! Hey! Not fair, man.
Why would I want to even bother to curse you! Far as I'm concerned, you and I are done! Apparently not.
I knew you were sensitive, I didn't think you were obsessive.
Wow.
You are really hateable right now.
This is great Kenzi, thanks so much.
What's the deal with this Baba Yaga chick anyway? She's a hideous witch who helps young Slavic women take revenge on the men who've wronged her.
And she feasts on girls who don't behave.
Or so Moms used to tell me.
And she's supposed to be a MYTH! When you gonna stop messing with things you don't understand? You're so bloody human! Kenzi must've invoked the curse on Dyson -- a curse that makes all women despise him -- in Bo's name.
Hence the shared mark on both your skin.
I didn't ask for this.
But on some level you wanted it.
Baba Yaga only grants pleas when there's an intense emotional connection between the wounded party and her, um, target.
Trick-- You gotta help us.
Out of the question.
Baba Yaga dwells in her own realm.
A place other Fae can't interfere with, let alone enter.
Even if I could, I can't.
That witch is-- One serious slice of harsh? You have no idea.
So what am I supposed to do? You're gonna fix it! Now! You back off or I will dropkick you into a women's studies conference.
Okay I did it, I'll fix it.
How you gonna do that? About Dyson, back there.
He didn't really mean it.
Of course he did.
And drunk or not so did I, when I cursed him.
When Dyson left you it wasn't just your heart he broke.
Well he still doesn't deserve this.
Neither do I! Having to visit Aunt Ludmila? What like, your Aunt-Aunt? Yep yep.
Chiquita -- you're about to see why.
The good news is, your ancestors are looking out for you.
I see love.
Oh, riches.
This from a woman who lives in a trailer.
Take number please-- You want to be a rich man? You must inhabit body of a rich man.
Hmmm? You act cheap, you die cheap.
Well, if you insist-- May your stars align, until next time! And you! Know better than to interrupt me when I'm with client, AND you haven't called in two months, AND get over here so I can give you great big hug! You too Kenzi friend.
Come come! This is torture-- Oh!!! Kenzi, our youngest cousin.
So beloved! So cute! To think you were once more wee.
But such an imagination.
Always with the crying and the hiding and the bed-wetting.
Well my step dad taught me real life is scarier than any fairy tale.
He was a bit strict.
A bit? He'd lock me in the closet if I laughed too loud.
So-- I know you don't visit from kindness of your heart.
What do need? Fake passport? Place to hide? What? We need to reverse a Baba Yaga curse.
Is April Fools joke, no? Here's hoping Dyson sees it that way.
Why the hell'd they move this deposition up? It wasn't supposed to be 'til tomorrow.
She's probably just nervous.
I can't handle any more psycho-chicks today.
Dyson! You're here! Hey Gloria-- I gotta lay low, alright? Wait 'til Kenzi and Bo remove this curse.
Organized Crime put in over 800 man hours on this case, got nothing.
Then we cracked it.
So, you gotta be there.
Have you not noticed how chicks are responding to me today? She loves you.
And she's our only chance to nail the Rose Family.
You got my back, right? Try to stay downwind.
Girls.
There is no Baba Yaga.
Like there is no Santa Claus or an honest Ukrainian.
My charming fam? Also a wee bit racist.
You know what else aren't supposed to exist? Succubi.
Making out with my peeps to prove a point? Totally gross! What demon are you? She's a lambchop compared to the hag in the mirror.
Okay, show her-- Blya-- I know how to summon the Baba in theory It's time to put that theory to the test.
Miss Chanel-- Just to clarify, before we start taping: You're willing to go on record as Alberto's girlfriend? I guess.
Okay.
I mean-- Detective Dyson told me I should.
Good, great-- And you'll testify that your ex-boyfriend ordered the hit on the boss of the Rose family? He did a lot of terrible things.
Guys do.
Oh, shite-- Would you want some coffee-- Isn't that just like a man? To tell you he'll protect you, then show up late for your deposition! And abandon you! Dyson, you son of a bitch! I'll kill you! Whoa, whoa-- Dyson, get back here right now!!! I am ready to summon Baba Yaga.
What's that? It protects the wearer from the witch.
Where's ours? I only have the one-- Moving on.
Oh lordy-- Oh, sweet, sweet Susan-- I'm so scared, I can't even swear right now.
I think I might vom.
It is an old lady in a mirror.
No! Baba Yaga is the monster who haunted my childhood nightmares.
Did I mention the vom? You're scared.
I'm scared.
So we'll be scared together.
Okay? Like always.
Okay.
Okay.
Mee vizev-ay-em te-beh-ah ve-eed-mah lez-oh-ov Mee vizev-ay-em te-beh-ah ve-eed-mah lez-oh-ov Mee vizev-ay-em te-beh-ah ve-eed-mah lez-oh-ov Obosratsya-- Then you best be wearing a diaper.
Mee vizev-ay-em te-beh-ah ve-eed-mah lez-oh-ov Kenzi?? Hush, demon-- We need her in a trance.
Baba Yaga, Baba Yaga, Baba Yaga.
Baba Yaga, Baba Yaga, Baba Yaga-- I seek vengeance in Bo's name.
On the one called Dyson.
And I made good on the plea.
Baba Yaga? Yeah, hi.
The curse on Dyson was invoked in my name, but not with my permission.
I want it gone.
I can remove the affliction.
Great.
In exchange for the Succubus in whose name it was made.
What? Ugh! Ludmila! Ludmilla! Bo!!! No, no! I'm the one that invoked the curse! I'm the one that should pay! Kenzi, no! I was hoping you'd say that.
I have no need for a Succubus.
But a nubile young girl? Kenzi? Kenzi!!! Bo? Aunt Ludmila? Baba Yaga? M-Ms.
Yaga? Oh God-- Bone collection on display-- Oh, scary Russian farm tools-- Normal skeleton chic-- Bo! Bo, can you hear me?? Do not be scared.
You are not alone.
Who are you? We came through mirror.
Like you.
We are hers.
No, no, no oh no waysies- We gotta get out of here-- Before she gets back-- Open! There's gotta be a way out-- Better see to your chores.
Chores?! Yes, insane Martha Stewart! That is definitely what we should be worrying about.
Baba Yaga-- Don't say her name.
You really don't want to draw attention to yourself in this place.
C'mon-- Help us prepare to the feast.
Bo, I don't know where I am.
So how will you? Oh! Ludmila! Ludmila! Wake up! We have to get Kenzi back from Baba Yaga! Kenzi, sweetie, is not possible--! You have to send me through the mirror! It's broken.
So we get a new one! Is not so simple-- Okay-- Okay Oh God, oh God-- Baba Yaga doesn't live in our world.
And she has very specific rules of who she invites into hers.
I generally don't give a rat's ass about rules.
Some Fae are so territorial, they don't let other Fae cross their boundaries.
Dyson, this THING took Kenzi! Stupid, stubborn, human Kenzi! If you don't help me get her back, I'm gonna make this curse look like a teddy bear's picnic! Of course I'll help.
I'm still me.
Yeah? Sometimes I wonder.
Baba Yaga isn't gonna kill Kenzi, not right away, at least-- She's gonna want to fatten her up first.
Lucky for us, that could take a while.
Hardly comforting! Dyson: It's all we've got-- Trick we gotta move on this! I can't help you.
But there is another way.
It's just really dangerous, Bo.
It's Kenzi.
Then you better learn to love the taste of crow.
Come on-- So, when do we all get to go home? Where isyou know whoanyway? Mama said the witch stalks the underworld, making sure the souls of the dead are not reborn.
Okay-- Yeah, someone should really tell B.
Y.
These things come in frozen french fry form! What good Russian girl doesn't know how to peel a potato? If I was 'good', I wouldn't be here.
Hi, I'm Elena.
Kenzi-- Love your top, it's super groovy.
So, who was yours? The boy you cursed? He wasn't so much a boy as a horny, hairy headcase.
And he wasn't 'mine'.
Sam wasn't 'mine' either.
He ditched me for my best friend.
Which is why I put a curse on him.
He almost died.
I'm sorry.
I was too.
So I begged her to lift the curse.
Which she did, in exchange for my lifelong servitude.
But you look so young, and your clothes.
The Fiddler on the Roof reject over there: how long have you guys been here for?? Long enough to have seen some terrible things.
You think it's gonna get easier, but it never does.
Hey-- What's back there? It's off limits.
AHHHHHHHH! Ahhhhhhhh! Holy potato!!! What the crap is that??! The Domovoi.
He's her guardthing.
Ugh, uh, ahhhh! What exactly is he guarding? That's all there is to tell, Lachlan! I mean-- Ash.
The Ash.
I was thinking of brightening up this place.
Take away the gloom.
Maybe get rid of the throne? Yes or no? Please! Baba Yaga has your human so what? Her name is Kenzi.
If someone snatched my pet, I'd just get a new one.
Mind you, I am growing fond of my human doctor.
And her name is Lauren, you bastard-- Bo-- No! Can you help me or not?! It's tricky, but yeah there's a shortcut.
I could sneak you into Baba Yaga's cottage.
why would I do that? Because I've reconsidered your proposition.
To freelance for you and the Light.
As long as I can get Kenzi home alive.
I hoped you'd come around.
And to think, all it took was some persuasion from the Russian hag.
Remind me to send Babs a fruit basket.
Wait there.
You'll get what you need.
Oh, and if you make it through this we can talk about the terms of our arrangement.
If? It all depends on how long you can hold your breath.
Elena- Why are we just sitting here? We should be trying to escape! Shh! It is time for the feast.
I'm hungry and everything, but a feast? Here? This is insane.
This meal is not for us.
We make do with slop.
Delicious slop? Quiet! She's back-- What's with the sack? Whoever picks the black marble leaves.
You mean a chance to get out of here? What's going on? What's going on Elena? She's not 'leaving' leaving, is she? Just be thankful it's not you.
Elena! Don't do this you can fight! It's okay, really-- I'm so tired.
No-- At least now I'll be free.
You dare to look at me girl? Let me show you how I treat my pets.
Domovoi? Come on-- Here get it, yeah it's good.
It's good come on-- Like I would feed such an ungrateful creature as you! That bite you gave me last week still throbs.
You will find time moves very slowly here, girl.
Now-- Clean up this, Elena.
If I'm gonna do the time, then why not the crime-- Something's jammed in the-- OW! Something bit me! I've already forgotten your name.
But for this, I will call you dessert.
Ahhhhhhhh! My, my-- Look who's slithered back into my pipes.
I thought this curse was over.
Look, nymph, you just think you hate me.
I'm under a curse-- The curse of not calling me back? Tulliver's New Year's Eve Party? You, me the hot tub? Chloe-- I apologize.
Are you his latest? Another former.
Well you dodged a bullet there.
Or something that requires ointment.
What is this about a curse? My friend has been taken.
By Baba Yaga.
I need your help to enter her world.
I don't assist on suicide missions.
Even under official orders? I was just joking, I swear! Haven't you ever played a rousing game of Frying- Pan-to-the-Head? You're so bony I'll put you in a pie! Ahhhhhhhhh! Quiet!!! Talk about ironic.
You're about to eat one of the best animal trainers in town! Do you take me for a fool, Dessert? Why else would the Succubus keep a dirty human like me around? You should see what I did with her Corgi.
House beastie etiquette is my specialty! Give me a week with your Domovoi and I guarantee he'll never growl or bite again.
Considering you already have a door with teeth-- You have two hours.
Perf.
But I'm gonna need a few things: Um, a switch from a willow tree, a bell from a Highland Cow and, uh bones from a goat born on a Sunday.
When I return with these items it will be done! Or else.
Pie a la me, you got it.
No worries! I'll turn your Cujo into a Benji! Oh my God-- Sothat happened.
I've heard about you.
Your powers won't help, you won't survive the trip to Baba Yaga's realm.
I think you're underestimating how determined Bo can be.
I'm going after Baba Yaga or I'll die trying.
I have an official decree from the Ash.
Of course if you're willing to defy him that is up to you.
Oh, what the hey.
It'll be a nice change from cleaning the drains around here.
So how does this work? Mirrors and water sources are portals to the witch's realm.
I'm the gatekeeper to the local water portals.
Great! Where do we do this? Lap pool? Obnoxious fountain? Easy there, Little Mermaid.
The process of 'crossing over' can be pretty gruesome.
We better find a more private portal.
Are you crazy? The witch will know things have been disturbed! Then we will all be punished! Mind your own babka! Okay, not one of you lifted a finger when Baba was eating Elena! Neither did you.
Well I guess we've confirmed it's every girl for herself.
I'm really more of a cat person.
Here, boy-- I'm sorry Elena.
Who's a good Domovoi? Who's a good Kenzi? Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Time to bust this bitch's balls.
Take me home! Home!!! Home! Take me home! Home!!! Any of you know how to make this thing work? Bo! Trying to give me hypothermia? The cold will slow your heartbeat.
You have to be unconscious to enter Baba Yaga's world.
And here I was worried I might catch the sniffles.
It's impossible to keep oneself under water.
The water will enter your lungs.
Someone's going to have to hold you under.
I'll be using all my strength to hold this portal open.
No matter what's gone down between us, I trust you absolutely.
That's kind of my curse.
I'll give you as much time on the other side as I can.
When I was six I almost drowned in Lake Miniwappo.
This won't be fun.
Come on Bo, let go.
Lake Miniwappo-- Bo! Bo, oh my god, you came, hi! This place is Hansel and Gretel meets Hannibal Lecter.
Seriously, I missed you so much.
Buckle up.
We're leaving.
But there's a Fae-beast-man and the front door has-- Who dares to enter my domain, uninvited? Don't worry, I brought a house-warming gift.
Ugh! You're in my world now, succubus.
You're here without my permission so your powers are null! Bo! Bo, wake up! Son of a Baba, that bitch is strong! What happened? Where's Kenzi? Put me back! You can't deprive your body of oxygen.
Even Fae need to breathe, there's no guarantee we can revive you-- I've lost you.
I've probably lost Lauren, too.
I will not lose Kenzi! Go, go!!! Bo! She's coming back! If the Succubus is that interested in staying, I can accommodate that.
Say, in a nice rose sauce? I'm more of a marinara gal.
Get out of here Kenzi! And how do you think she's going to do that? With this! The mirror! That is mine! Oh it doesn't seem to be working! Stop! You'll break it.
You'll destroy the only way yuo have of getting home! And the direct route to your food supply.
We make a covenant.
You and the Succubus can go back.
I get to keep the mirror.
Just look in the mirror and picture home.
What about the others? These girls come from different times, different places.
They can't all go back! Like hell they can't! No! Ahhhhhhhhh! Take this and think of home! Ahhhhhhhh! Take this and think of home! Take this and think of home! But it's the last piece! That's my best friend.
I won't leave without her.
Go-- Thank you.
You! Bo.
Bo get up! If you hold her under much longer, you're gonna hurt her.
I pull her out too soon she's gonna hurt me.
Dyson she's dying.
You! I remember your name.
I used to watch you as a little girl! Kenzi.
Come on Bo! No pulse! You were petrified of me.
But there was someone else who scared you more.
Your Step Father! I said, be quiet! I would watch you in the mirror.
You'd say my name once twice.
And I'd wait, in the shadows.
But you never had the guts to speak it a third time.
To actually summon me to destroy the man who was making your life miserable.
Well I'm not that scared girl anymore! Thanks to her! Considering how much you've grown, it's almost a shame I'm going to eat you.
You must pay for what you've done! Ahhhhhhhhh! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhh! I told you I was good with pets.
Bo! Dyson stop it, she's not coming back.
Come on Bo! Oh my God Bo! She wouldn't leave without you.
Bo Hi-- Hi-- From now on, I'm sticking with showers.
Good idea.
Thank you.
Your testimony's gonna make it possible to put away Alberto Rose for a long time.
And, uh, by the way, help me keep my job.
And in return you promise that you'll keep me safe.
I will personally drop you off to your witness protection.
Is this because I got a little temperamental with you yesterday? Just saying goodbye.
Doing my job.
Dyson-- Do you always have to be such a heart breaker? Another shot? Chased by a delicious pickle of course! I can't believe you're up for more drinking.
I always drink after a barbecue.
Well I'm glad to see you so happy.
But the next time you're not: no more invocations.
I hereby pinkie-swear.
Mostly 'cause they're expensive.
Aunt Ludmila's invoice.
So much for the family discount.
$300? Speaking of family.
Your stepfather? He didn't hurt me, hurt me or anything.
And whatever it was a long time ago.
So you faced your fear and lived to tell the tale.
Ain't no thing, but a chicken wing.
Only got scared when I thought I wouldn't see you again.
Oh Kenzi, I'd never give up on you.
I know.
Now promise me you won't give up on yourself.
In Russian, we have a saying: "Dodna!" To the bottom.
Of the glass, yes-- But also you can fight, Bo.
Fight for Dyson.
Fight for Lauren.
Fight for what makes you happy.
To the bottom.
To my bestie.
May the only thing she ever sees in the mirror be her own beautiful reflection.
Da.
'Cause that girl is smokin'! Oh yes! So smoking, no seriously