Mad About You s02e04 Episode Script

Hi.
We're out.
Leave a message and we'll call you back.
James, it's me.
Turns out Warren and I have to shoot an interview in Queens.
Which means I will meet you at the restaurant.
So when you get home, could you walk Murray? Thanks.
Love you.
Bye.
Hi.
We're out.
Leave a message and we'll call you back.
Honey, it's me.
My meeting's been pushed back so I'll be late.
Don't forget to walk Murray.
- You gonna be late tonight? - I don't know.
Maybe.
Actually, you know what? I mean, well It's kind of hard.
I may be.
- Why don't you call when you know? - I'll do that.
- Maybe we can have dinner.
- Good.
- Just in the neighborhood? - Perfect.
- What's your day like? - I gotta go meet that guy.
Just what I need.
The film's almost done and they're giving me a new producer.
Yeah, you say that, but I'm concerned he's gonna come and change everything.
- I wish this day was already over.
- How come? Because then I could be with you.
You're a nice girl.
Remy, the top of the morning to you.
Where's the muffins? - It's not my muffin day.
- Well, it's not mine.
We may be having no muffins.
Who's in bay six? PBS.
They don't even have toast.
Paul? Buchman? Paul Buchman? You must be Lou.
I'd better be, otherwise some guy's dating my girl.
Just kidding.
I don't have one.
But I'm looking, so if you know anyone.
I'll keep my eyes open for you.
- Hope you haven't been waiting long.
- You know, you can't rush love.
It'll happen when it happens.
- No.
I mean waiting for me.
- Not at all.
You know, I've got to tell you, Paul, I'm very excited about this project.
Well, listen, that's No, I'm serious.
I've been at Cinegroup for 11 years now and New York at Night is the most wonderful thing I've worked on.
That's very nice.
Thank you.
What other documentaries did you work on there? What's that? What other documentaries have you produced? That's a tough one.
It is? Well Until last Thursday, I was in accounting.
- But I'm very creative.
- Listen, creative's always good.
I've always felt that myself.
I love filmmaking.
The vision, the creation, you know, the ins and outs.
I just love film.
Hey, what's this? - It's film.
- No.
These little holes on the side.
- Sprockets.
- Sprockets.
And they make the film go.
Yes, they do.
That's their little job.
You know, Lou, I think we're gonna learn a lot from each other.
I understand.
My boss promised you the tickets.
But it's not my job.
Besides, it's sold out for weeks, isn't it? No.
If Mr.
Farrer says he plays golf with Chita Rivera, I'm sure it's true.
Okay.
Sixteen tickets.
Saturday night.
Together.
Yeah, sure.
Okay, I'll see what I can do.
- See what you can do.
- Janine's holding on line two.
Hi.
Where are they? Have Larry do that.
I need that art by 3:00.
You wanna talk to Mark Temple? Janine, you're the best.
I really, really appreciate it.
Bye-bye.
- M.
B.
A.
, my ass.
- Your sister called.
- She said not to deposit that check.
- What else? Jamie Buchman's office.
Hi, Natel.
Let me see if she's here.
I think I just saw her.
She's feeling neglected.
She's called seven times.
Natel, you must be kidding.
I've been working nonstop for you.
- I was in the office all day Saturday.
- And Sunday.
And lots of Sunday.
I thought we had some really good stuff.
I don't know.
After the way I've been killing myself for you, I'm feeling a little hurt.
No, Natel, apologize for what? You don't have to take me to lunch.
All right.
Thursday at 1.
See you then.
Bye-bye.
Call her Wednesday and cancel.
Lou.
Lou.
You're hovering.
- I just need a little space.
- Sorry.
I'm just looking for a kind of effect here.
- What kind of effect? - The kind of effect we need.
You know, film can be so powerful.
Did you see Gone With the Wind? - You like it? - It's great.
That's what I hear.
Say, is that dawn or dusk? - What? - I say That shot.
Is it dawn or dusk? - What? - It could be dusk.
It's dawn.
It's dawn.
It's dawn.
The whole film What is the film called? New York at Night, right? It's the end of the film, end of the night.
The end of the night, widely known as "dawn.
" How about this? We cut to a shot of the Statue of Liberty in bed.
Her alarm clock goes off.
Her hand reaches out.
- I just hate it.
- Okay, okay.
- It's Mr.
Farrer.
- Oh, God.
- All set? - One minute? - We'll be at the elevator.
- Great.
It's Paul on 02.
He says he can meet you for dinner.
- Great.
Tell him 8:00 would be perfect.
- He's thinking more 7-ish.
Fine.
7:30.
He's thinking 7:00 would be more 7-ish than 7:30.
Fine, 7, but tell him I'll be a half-hour late.
- Here you go.
- Names? Velasquez.
Jorge Velasquez.
He's the director of tourism.
Velasquez.
Got it.
- Teeth? - Clean.
- Do I have any snags? - You're clear.
Let's hear it.
- Guys, I'm really excited about this.
- Great.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss my old producer.
- You said he never did anything.
- He didn't.
- This new guy wants to be friends.
- I think our waitress took another job.
Hello.
There you are.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Okay, tell me again now, did you want cheese on that burger? On the cheeseburger? Sure.
Okay.
And how did you want your salad? - In a bowl.
- Great.
Okay.
And I need a fork.
Excuse me.
Let's give her a big tip so she can go buy a brain.
- Why are you picking on her? - Because I'm angry.
- I can't tell you the day I had.
- Let me tell you about mine.
Lou - I wanna kill my boss.
- You go.
You know the Central Thank you.
- And I still need that fork.
- Right.
You know the Central American tourism account? Let's pretend I do.
We have a big meeting today with the CEO, major stockholders - So it's a big meeting.
- Big.
- I understand.
- And my boss, that idiot The guy from before.
He actually pitches this as a tourism concept: "Central America.
Come take your chances.
" The room was so quiet, you could hear the Danish get stale.
They had Danish? So The room is dead until I start to laugh, like he made this great joke.
Everybody started smiling.
I've got them in the palm of my hand so completely off the top of my head I say: "Central America.
Come home to the equator.
" "Come home to the equator"? - I'm serious.
- I'm saying it tickled me.
It's good.
- They loved it.
- They should.
Where's the bad part? Farrer takes the credit.
He made like it was his idea.
- Could I please get that fork? - Right.
Thank you.
Honey, I hate people.
You know what you should Did I just taste a cigarette? No.
I had Cajun for lunch.
What you should do is talk to him.
Then he sends John Erdman a box of cigars and he didn't even do anything.
A fork! I need a fork! I really, really, really need a fork! Isn't that nice? Look at that.
Thank you very much.
Look at all the nice forks.
- Tell him.
- You're right.
I'm gonna tell him.
- Yeah, but you won't.
- What did I just say? What do you say six times a night and never do? Maybe I'm waiting for the right opportunity.
You know what it is? He knows how to get you.
- What do you mean? - He Every morning you're ready to tell him off and then you get two words out and he gives you the l-see-big-things-for-you speech.
Well, maybe he does see big things for me.
Right there.
That's how he gets you.
- He doesn't get me, okay? - He gets you.
You are a gotten woman.
Fine.
You try talking to him, see how easy it is.
- I will.
- Fine.
I don't care.
I'll go there now.
I'll tell him, "You're working my wife too hard and you steal her ideas.
If it weren't for Jamie Buchman, pal, you'd be out of business because, frankly, Mr.
Farrer, you got no brains, you have no morals and you got a wife who's built like Don Shula.
" - Only not as pretty.
- There you go.
You eat your dinner.
All set? Where do I know this guy from? There's no way out.
There's no way out.
- There's no way out.
- It's all right.
How? It can't.
It won't be all right.
I'm telling you it's all my fault.
- Honey, just forget it.
- I'm so, so sorry.
You know, you should take everything.
Leave me Murray.
Where the hell are they? I take you out to dinner and I ruin your life.
- You should kill me.
- Stop it.
- You should hurt me.
- Stop it.
- I want you to cut off my pinkie.
- I'm not cutting off your pinkie.
Cut off my pinkie.
I don't deserve pinkies.
I'm not pinkie-worthy.
- Oh, my God.
That's him.
- No, it's Lou.
I can tell by the annoying ring.
It's Lou, just checking in.
Hi.
We're out.
Leave a message and we'll call you back.
Paul, hi.
Lou.
Just checking in.
Listen, there's a Woody Allen movie called Manhattan.
I mean, I hear there are lots of shots of New York.
Woody Allen.
Woody Allen's the guy in Bananas.
- Get back to me.
- Soon.
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
You know, they probably didn't see us.
- He saw us.
- How do you know? He saw us.
There's no way he didn't I saw him see us.
Did I tell you how sorry I am? - I was talking too.
- No, but I closed the deal there.
L There's no way out.
There's no way out.
There's no way out.
- What is that? - What's what? - Give me that.
- Let me have this one, please.
You owe me.
Aren't you even a little sorry? Very nice.
Just smoke it out the window, please.
Let's say he saw us, that doesn't mean he heard us.
He heard us.
Believe me.
There's no way he couldn't hear us.
He was there.
We were there.
The man was three feet away.
We didn't hear what they were saying.
Yes, but we're a lot more self-absorbed than most people.
All right.
Fine.
So tell me what to do.
Here's what you do.
You go in there and you're just very honest.
You tell him the truth.
You have a twin sister.
- Honey.
- All right.
We were rehearsing a play.
No.
That's been done.
It's a revival.
I'll just tell him that you're a petty and jealous man.
You're threatened by my work and you lash out at those I respect and admire the most.
No, that makes me look bad.
- You think of something.
- You don't like the play idea? All right.
Here's what it is.
You go in and tell the truth.
You say You tell him how embarrassed you are and how awful you feel and that I'm a Vietnam vet and I ordered stir-fry and it triggered a flashback and I was ranting because of the flashback.
- You're right.
There's no way out.
- There's no way out.
- Mr.
Farrer, hi.
- Is this a bad time? No, come on in.
How can it be a bad time? You own the company.
That's right.
I do.
Cristal.
- For me? - Yes, for you.
I sent John Erdman a box of cigars, and then someone reminded me that I didn't send you anything.
I'll have to share this with whoever it was that reminded you.
I could be wrong, but I think it was your husband.
He was in Vietnam.
I can be out of here in an hour.
I just have to clean out my office.
Jamie, it's okay You're allowed to blow off a little steam.
My wife is built like Don Shula.
The Dolphins are a fine organization.
- So is this company.
- I know.
I feel terrible.
- Well, of course you do.
- Am I fired or not? Do you think I got where I am today by being an idiot? No, and if I've done something to hurt our relationship, I wanna fix it.
You know what my job is, Jamie? My job is to always look at the big picture and that big picture is the company, and you are good for the company.
- I appreciate that.
- We are a team.
- And you, Mrs.
Stemple - Buchman.
And you, Mrs.
Buchman, are one of my most valuable players.
Well, thank you.
Erdman would never have gotten that contract if it hadn't been for you.
Latin men love blonds.
- What? - They do.
They also love the campaign this blond came up with.
- I see big things for you, Jamie.
- You've said that before.
Not a day goes by that I don't feel you're in there pitching.
- I am.
- I know.
Not a day goes by that I don't feel you're taking credit.
- I am.
- I know.
It's my company.
What you said before was true.
You're not an idiot.
If you were an idiot, you'd fire me but you know you can't afford to lose me, so you won't.
Now you are thinking like an executive.
That's why I brought you into the company.
- You didn't bring me in.
Fran did.
- Who? Fran Devaneau.
She was your regional vice-president for five years.
I remember a Frank Donovan.
The guy who saved your ass on the Conway-Douglas account and you sent him a golf umbrella.
Instead of sending people insipid gifts, why don't you give them credit? We didn't get that account because I'm blond.
We got it because I'm good.
If you were smart, you'd acknowledge that.
Instead you bring me some bottle of bubbly.
What is this, a cruise? I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of you.
- So in other words, you quit.
- You call it what you want.
Come in.
- Am I interrupting? - No, she's through.
No, I'm not.
One week without me, you won't even know where your phones are.
Half your account executives are relatives your so-called legal department is run by your mistress and you're so wobbly after business lunches, you can't even pee straight.
It's nice to see you again, Paul.
We all know you didn't go to Dartmouth so you can lose the sweater.
So how'd it go? Free at last! Free at last! Thank Godalmighty, I'm free at last! So you're okay with this, Martin? Do I look okay? Do I sound okay? - So? - So you okay? - You found a parking spot? - I triple-parked.
The car's still in Mark's name.
- How you doing? - Tell her.
She's okay, thank Godalmighty.
I'm not okay.
All those poor saps who still have jobs are okay.
I am great.
I don't have to wear these anymore.
I don't have to teeter around on these anymore.
I can be unkempt, untucked and unencumbered.
You know, sweetheart, my friend's getting married next week.
Maybe you could dance around his area a little bit, huh? I'll take it because I'm also unemployed.
I actually got her fired, you know.
I'm the one.
- It hasn't hit her yet.
- What's that? - That she lost her job.
- Trust me.
I think she knows.
She knows, but it hasn't hit her.
It's like when Mark left me.
For a few days, I was fine.
And then one day I found myself at D'Agostino's eating Mallomars and swigging a Bud Light.
Together? That's my point.
- So when is this gonna hit her? - Anytime.
- And how will I know? - You'll know.
Eddie, thank you very much.
You're a prince among men.
- Did it hit her yet? - No.
I think she's okay.
She should've gone with your play idea.
Tell me about it.
If you want me to come get those boxes, just buzz me.
- I'll come and crush them.
- Thanks.
He's very good.
- How you doing? - I'm good.
- Whatever she needs, I'm here for her.
- I miss that.
That too.
So where's the champagne the bozo gave me? Here's that lovely six-pack of Cremora I always wanted, you big thief.
They're gonna be making money off my ideas for the next 10 years.
What did you do? You took a fax machine? - So? - So it's kind of larceny.
Come on.
He still owes me 300 bucks from last year's football pool.
- Plus, we have a fax.
- I don't.
Mark took it with him on his journey to find himself.
For you.
So good.
So now when he finds himself, he can fax it.
- Call you tomorrow? - Anytime.
So listen - I'll definitely know, won't I? - You'll know.
You sure you don't wanna stay? Promised Ryan I'd watch 101 Dalmatians with him again.
I wish Cruella would just make the freaking coat.
You're fired.
You're fired.
- You sure you're okay? - This is the best day of my life.
I've never been better.
- So I helped you.
- Yes.
You're my hero.
I'm just doing my job then.
- Let's go outside.
- Okay.
And do what? - Anything I want.
- All right.
How about we go on a little walk, have some dinner and a late movie? Perfect.
I don't have to get up tomorrow morning.
- Right.
Thanks to who? - Thanks to you.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, my God! - I lost my job! - Okay, don't blame me.
- I have no job! I'm unemployed! - Join the crowd.
- What am I gonna do? - Just watch the movie.
Honey, I don't believe it.
Oh, my God!