Moonlighting s02e04 Episode Script

THIS PROGRAM IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF ORSON WELLES 1915-1985 Good evening.
I'm Orson Welles.
Tonight, broadcasting takes a giant leap backward.
In this age of living color and stereophonic sound the television show Moonlighting is daring to be different, and share with you a monochromatic, monophonic hour of entertainment.
Approximately 12 minutes into this evening's episode the picture on your television screen will change to black and white.
Nothing is wrong with your set.
I repeat nothing is wrong with your set.
Tonight's episode is an experiment.
One we hope you'll enjoy, so gather the kids, the dog Grandma and lock them in another room.
Then sit back and enjoy this very special episode of Moonlighting.
MOONLIGHTING ALWAYS RINGS TWICE" One minute to curtain.
Ready to dim the house lights and cue lights.
We waited over a month for these tickets.
Places, people, places.
Ready, showtime.
- I hate this.
- Making money? Picking through peels, spying, profiting from infidelity.
Mr.
Bigelow might hear you.
- Promise we won't do this again.
- Are you nuts? I can't.
Why not? Why can't we just not take these cases? These kinds of cases? Maddie, these - are the backbone of the business- - I don't care.
I don't like it.
Want me to say no if someone wants to find out about their spouse? That's right.
I'm sorry, but this all very depressing to me.
What are you talking about? Infidelity is as American as apple pie.
Without infidelity, there'd be no Ann Landers or Divorce Court.
- There'd be no Dynasty.
- That's not my problem.
I don't like it.
The deception, the dishonesty - the lack of trust.
- Let me tell you something.
Our business is built on a lack of trust.
Two people are involved maybe they share a business, maybe a bed.
If one doesn't trust the other? He calls us, Maddie.
He calls us.
Why? Because the world is bad.
The world is full of deception.
I for one wouldn't have it any other way.
I'll tell you something else.
I don't know about you, but I for one hit my knees at night and thank the man upstairs that there is a bit of dishonesty left in this world.
You just think about that.
That's all I have to say.
Mr.
Bigelow! Mr.
Bigelow! Back here.
Mr.
Bigelow, it's soup.
Give me a second.
- You got them? - We got them.
I appreciate you coming here.
I'm thinking of buying this place.
- What do you think? - Must have been something in its day.
In the '40s, big bands, this was it.
High society.
I'm gonna turn it into a flea market.
- Excuse me? - Mow it down wait for a big developer to offer me a fortune for the land.
- What do you got? - Good news, I think.
My wife walking eating alone in a restaurant browsing in a store.
What the hell is this? Pictures.
We followed her for three days.
- This is all you got? - These are the highlights.
I paid you people to get me dirt.
You call this dirt? - Mr.
Bigelow-- - Go easy on him.
He's upset his wife's not cheating.
There is no dirt.
Your wife's being true to you.
True, shmue, what's it got to do with the price of rice in China? I need some hot, steamy pictures that I can take into a court of law or I'm going to stay married to this tomato and I can't afford to stay married to this tomato.
Mr.
Bigelow, are you suggesting we doctor photographs? - We don't do that.
- I knew it.
I knew it when I was up in your offices.
You guys are too high-rent for me.
Too uptown.
That's it.
I ain't buying this place if I have to split the profits with Godzilla.
And people say romance is dead.
Meeting's over.
- What do you mean, meeting's over? - Ask them.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Who are these people, anyway? Wanna buy a nightclub? I didn't think so.
You own this? My father left it to me.
I've been trying to sell the place for years.
I keep hoping to find somebody who'll restore it, do it justice.
It was a hell of a joint in its time.
Maybe I'm dreaming.
Really isn't much need for a place like this anymore.
That's sad.
That's life.
Yeah, it's a real shame.
A lot of history in this place, a lot of tunes in these walls.
The Duke, Lady Day the Dorseys, Glenn Miller.
Four presidents danced here.
All the movie stars, this was their place.
They say that Judy Garland had her first date, her first kiss her first drink here.
And then, of course, there was the famous Flamingo Cove murder.
- That was here? - In this room.
- There was a murder here? - Yeah.
- Jim-dandy.
- You never heard of that? What was it, a singer or something, right? Fell in love with his trumpet player.
They killed her husband.
One of them did, anyway right during a show.
And then each one swore the other did it, right up to the very end.
- Well, who did do it? - Nobody knows.
They both went to the electric chair each swearing the other one did, till their dying day.
Just one of the many colorful tales of the Flamingo Cove available for sale or lease.
Weddings, bar mitzvahs, gatherings of all types.
Well, I guess I better lock up.
- Sad.
- What's sad? That murder.
Sad to think a person had to die - because she fell for the wrong guy.
- Wait a second.
There's a page missing from the script.
What do you mean, the wrong guy? They never solved that murder, Maddie.
It's possible he was the right guy and she was the wrong girl.
- I suppose.
- What do you mean, suppose? - She could have, but I'm sure he did it.
- How can you be sure? - Common sense.
- Common sense.
- There's no talking to you.
- You can talk to me.
No, I can't! And you wanna know why I can't? It's the way you look at things.
You look at things like a woman first and then a person second.
- What does that mean? - I meant what I said.
You don't look at a situation objectively or like an individual.
You look at it like someone made you guardian for your whole damn sex.
- No.
What do you mean, damn sex? - See? For your information, I think of myself as an individual first a woman second, in that order.
Keep saying that, maybe you'll believe it.
- What's that mean? - You accused a man of murder.
Based on what? Based on the fact that he was a man.
Addison, clearly he had more reasons to kill him than she did.
- Name one.
- Her.
He wanted her.
He killed her husband to have her! Why buy a cow when you get milk for free? - What? - You heard me.
- You're an animal.
- You're a sexist.
- What? - You know what a sexist is? Of course I know.
I'm looking at one.
So am I.
You think the boyfriend killed the husband just because he was a man.
- I am not a sexist.
- You're a sexist.
- I'm not speaking to you.
- Are too.
I'm not! Not another word not another sound, not another peep until we get back to the office.
Peep.
Good afternoon, Ms.
Hayes.
- Good evening, Mr.
Addison.
- Not according to her, it's not.
- Men's room.
- I am not a sexist.
Not only are you a sexist, but you are the sexiest sexist it has ever been my good fortune to satirize.
- Satirize? - Satirize, scrutinize, fantasize et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
- Hello, Ms.
Hayes.
- I'm going home.
The silly sexist Scrutinized.
We'll see who's gonna scrutinize who in this relationship, pal.
Me, a sexist.
That's so silly.
A silly sexist.
Someone scrutinize the silly, sexy sexist.
Someone scrutinize the sexy sexist.
Someone scrutinize You better tell them we'll be right down there.
- You were wonderful.
- You're wonderful.
Six years of playing clarinet with the same orchestra, same pay - all you do is encourage me.
- I mean what I say.
You are wonderful, Jerry.
Sloan doesn't think so.
I don't think he thinks much of me at all.
That's not true.
No? The only reason he keeps me around is you.
You're the one who's bringing them in.
All those boys home from the war.
They can't get enough of you.
You make it sound like a bad thing.
It's no one's fault you couldn't go to war.
- Did you talk to Mr.
Sloan? - About that raise? I don't think I should.
There's so many guys looking for work.
But you're always up here practicing before the show.
No one has the dedication you have.
Well, if I thought I had a chance - You understand, don't you? - Yes, I think I do.
That's my girl.
Hey, come on, let's go.
Mr.
Sloan is waiting.
Come on, let's rehearse, fellas.
Where the hell is the new cornet player? Terrific.
All right, we'll do it anyway with Rita and the piano player.
- You ready, Rita? - Whenever you are.
One, two, three.
Don't tell me.
The cornet player.
The name's Chance.
Chance Cash Johnny Brick Lonesome Shane McCoy.
But you can call me Zack.
- Looking for a guy named Sloan.
- I'm Sloan, you're late.
- Where do I sit? - Late again, in the audience.
Right now, take the seat up there.
Thanks, pop.
- Who's the canary? - That's my wife, Rita.
Think I'm gonna like it here.
Everybody from the top.
Two, three, four.
- Nice job.
- Thanks, Mr.
Potter.
- Jerry? - I like how you warble.
- Some duet, huh? - Yeah but I think we should practice it first.
- Why? We're perfect together.
- I have to find my husband.
Nice guy.
Too bad he couldn't afford a wedding ring.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain.
It's just that I think a beautiful woman like you deserves the best.
I have to go.
- You two were fantastic tonight.
- It takes two.
I'd like to do more duets with you.
- I don't think-- - I was hoping you'd say that.
Rita and me, we do rehearsing before the show.
We work out new arrangements.
- If you'd be interested-- - How about tomorrow? That'd be great.
We could work out something for all of us.
Maybe Sloan'd let us do it in the show.
I'm sure he will.
I feel lucky.
Well, until then.
Jerry.
Good night, Mrs.
Adams.
I like that guy.
I don't want you rehearsing with my husband and me.
- Hello to you, too.
- Hear what I said? - Don't rehearse with us.
- I heard you.
I just don't believe you.
I don't care if you believe me.
It's the truth.
The truth? The truth is you want me there - and not to rehearse.
- You're a barbarian, McCoy.
Absolutely, Mrs.
Adams.
Just stay away from me.
You looked in the mirror lately? You're looking settled.
Married.
Is that the way you've always imagined it? Let's get this straight, Mr.
McCoy.
I love my husband.
- An admirable quality in a wife.
- And I don't like you.
Oh, yeah? Then why are you still here talking to me? Here I am, Mrs.
Adams.
- I thought you didn't like me.
- I don't.
Well, then you're gonna tell me to go away? I don't hear anything.
I still don't hear anything.
Confused, huh? I still don't hear anything.
Hey, doll face where's the fire? We're late.
I don't want Jerry to suspect anything.
What's to suspect? His wife's been toasting another man's bread? Zack these have been the best and the worst two weeks of my life.
What's that supposed to mean? What we're doing is wrong, very wrong.
I don't expect you to understand.
I don't even think I understand myself.
Wait a second.
Rita.
Rita.
No, I don't understand.
We're perfect together.
Astaire and Rogers, bagels and lox, hot dogs and doughnuts.
Zack, we have to get back to the real world.
No.
Never.
I'll never give up my dreams.
If you stop dreaming, you're just wasting eight hours a night.
Zack, I wish we could go on, but we can't.
It can't.
If Jerry were playing the harp somewhe-- What are you say--? A little fall from up here.
Thank you, Mr.
Potter.
- Tomorrow.
- What? - Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow what? It’ll be all right.
Trust me.
Tomorrow.
That was great.
We gotta do that for Sloan.
You know, these last few weeks playing with you have been great.
I never played so well in my whole life.
I know they've been good for Rita.
She's got more command onstage.
Yeah, she's become quite an actress.
I think it's all the time with you.
You think so? Well, maybe.
The point is when it's all said and done it's worth all the pain and struggle because we got what we wanted in the end.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it, all right.
Do you believe in destiny, Jerry? - I suppose so.
- I do.
Even if it means waking up in a cold sweat wondering if you did the right thing.
You know what I mean, Jerry? I guess.
I mean, destiny, fate whatever you wanna call it.
It all means the same thing.
What's meant to be is meant to be.
You understand that, don't you, Jerry? I think I do.
What do you think, Rita? I love you, Jerry.
- Rita? - I love you, Jerry.
- It's the signal.
- Hit the lights.
I said, hit the lights! All right, everybody stand by.
One minute.
- Where's Jerry? - Well, I gave him the signal, Mr.
Sloan.
He signaled back.
Do you want me to get him? No, we'll manage the first number without him.
Ladies and gentleman, the Flamingo Cove proudly presents the Flamingo Cove Orchestra and the beautiful voice of Rita Adams.
Here, take this maybe it'll help you get some sleep.
You sure you don't want me to stay? No, it's all right.
I think I'd rather be alone tonight.
Lieutenant Matthews, L.
A.
Police.
I need to ask Mrs.
Adams a few questions.
It's all right, Myrna.
Sorry about your husband, ma'am.
Thank you, lieutenant.
Won't you have a seat? This won't take long.
Your husband's death appears to be an accident.
On his way to the show, rope got caught catwalk gave way.
You know the rest.
- Did he happen to have insurance? - Why? Routine question in an accident investigation.
Yes, I believe he had a policy for 20,000.
That's all I need to know.
- Curious about the clarinet.
- What about the clarinet? Did your husband mention it was broken? No.
No, I can't say that he did.
He He always took care of it.
He loved that clarinet more than anything.
Really? Well, it turns out a valve is dented.
- So? - So your husband was rushing to a show with a pipe that wouldn't blow.
It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it, Mrs.
Adams? - It could have been dented in the fall.
- The clarinet didn't fall.
We found it on the edge of the catwalk.
Thanks for your help.
Yes? - Good evening, ma'am.
- Lieutenant.
- We know all about it, Mrs.
Adams.
- All about what? Your husband's death was no accident.
You killed him.
You killed him, set his body on the catwalk rigged it so it'd fall during the show.
Perfect alibi.
You'd be onstage.
But nothing's perfect, Mrs.
Adams.
These plans have a way of falling apart.
I had to tell them.
Sorry, doll face.
- She's not here.
- I told you he did it.
Maddie, did you just call me? I didn't even know she knew language like that.
Maddie, Maddie, Maddie.
Life is funny.
Life is funny.
Life is funny.
Life is funny.
I can tell you exactly when Rita came into my life.
Exactly where she was from.
I just didn't know exactly where it would all end up.
I had come to the Flamingo Cove looking for a new job.
I blew a pretty good horn and I knew it.
I remember walking towards the stage thinking how lucky this joint would be to have me.
Some dame was exercising her lungs.
Her back was to me.
That was the first time I saw Rita.
She was the kind of dame that makes a man grateful he's a man.
She looked like she was misunderstood.
Me? I wanted to understand her.
Like I've never understood any woman before.
Come to think of it I never have understood any woman before.
You just gonna watch, or you plan to use that thing? She had quite a mouth on her, too.
Which thing is that? Of course, I wasn't wanting in that department either.
- Bugle boy, huh? - Sure.
You wanna go for a drink later? - With my husband? - You're married? - Does it matter? - It might to your husband.
Hey, ace, save your lip for the horn.
The boss liked me right from the start.
Me? I liked the canary.
I liked her a lot.
I was feeling good.
And in the mood to celebrate.
But there was no one to celebrate with.
Well, almost no one.
I couldn't figure out what she was doing with a guy like that.
I don't give a damn what you do.
Like I said, I'll be home when I'm home.
He always talk to you like that? He talks to everyone like that.
That's his voice.
- You were pretty hot tonight.
- You too.
- You've got a great lip.
- You've got two.
- Drink? - Absolutely.
Eat too.
That night was the beginning.
We would see more of each other.
Then all of each other.
But this is television, so we won't get into that.
I always play my horn with my shirt off late at night, by an open window next to a flashing neon light.
I know I look good that way.
I was thinking about Rita.
I wondered what she was doing and who she was doing it with.
Just couldn't get that dame out of my mind.
It's open.
Wow! Could she make an entrance or what? She smelled of violets.
And rainy nights.
What I didn't realize was she also smelled of trouble.
Does your husband know where you are? He doesn't know and doesn't care.
- Maybe he'd care if he knew.
- Maybe.
I don't know.
I don't care.
I don't know, you know? Why did you marry him? I grew up in a little town.
Palookaville.
You heard of it? - No.
- You're lucky.
Jerry was with another band and they were driving through town, stopped off at my old man's diner.
What can I say? He liked me and I knew he was my ticket out of town.
- We do what we have to do.
- Yeah.
Get me another drink, will you? Sure.
- Why don't you leave him? - Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how tough it is for a woman alone? And how difficult it is for a woman to get a divorce? I guess the only way to get rid of Jerry is to get rid of Jerry.
You know what I mean? I didn't wanna say no.
She'd think I was stupid.
I didn't wanna say yes because she'd think I wanted to.
Besides, I really wasn't listening.
I was too busy trying to look down the sheet.
Maybe I should have stayed away from her.
But she was like peanuts.
The more I had, the more I wanted.
She went two weeks without bringing up the idea of getting rid of Jerry.
I thought I was safe.
But with a dame like Rita there is no such thing as safe.
How can you play that thing? It's so hot.
It takes my mind off the heat.
Speaking of which why don't you put some clothes on.
I can't cool off when you're dressed like this.
These have been the best two weeks of my life.
- Yeah? - And the worst two weeks.
- Did I miss something? - Zack I think it's time.
- Hallelujah.
- No, no, no, not that.
I think it's time you know, Jerry.
Rita, what are you talking about? He has an insurance policy, $20,000.
We could be free of him.
Just you and me and all that money.
- I can't do that, angel.
- Zack we're made for each other.
You can make me happy and I can make you happy.
- What about Jerry? - What about Jerry? He's not gonna be very happy, is he? If he thought we were having an affair, he would kill you.
I can't do that, angel.
I might be a lot of things: A wife stealer, a liar-- - A cheat.
A bad dresser.
- A show-off.
But one thing I'm not is a murderer.
We've been dealt a bad hand here, but that is no reason to fold.
Even if it means stealing moments because that's all we have - that's okay with me.
- Does that mean no? - Yes.
- You mean yes, the answer is yes or yes, the answer is no? - What was the question? - Never mind.
Forget it.
I understand.
Zack, I can't go on seeing you.
I can't live for the brief moments when we're alone.
It's too painful.
And then she was gone.
I couldn't believe she'd walk out.
But I knew she'd be back.
She left her clothes behind.
From then on she gave me the cold shoulder, the cold everything.
I missed her, but I wasn't interested in killing Jerry.
And that was that.
Hi, angel.
- Rita.
- I'm fine.
It's nothing.
I fell.
Did he hit you? - I told you, I fell.
- He hit you, didn't he? He found out about us and he hit you.
- I didn't say that.
- You don't have to.
It's there in black and white and purple and yellow and orange.
Yuck.
- It doesn't matter.
- It does to me.
Maybe you were right.
Maybe we should do something about Jerry.
And that's when we started to plan the murder.
What to wear, what to bring.
In murder, as in life, planning is everything.
- You guys mind if I rehearse with you? - I don't know.
What's to know? The guy wants to rehearse with us.
Start the record over.
I knew what she wanted me to do.
I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
What the--?! I don't even remember doing it.
All I remember was looking down and seeing Jerry dead.
And when I looked up Rita was smiling the damnedest, coldest smile I've ever seen.
I walked the streets for hours that night.
My mind was reeling.
I felt alone, adrift.
I'd never murdered anyone before.
I had so many questions.
How long was I to walk the streets? How much guilt was I supposed to feel? How long will those signs float over my head? I wasn't ready to stop talking to myself so I figured I might be better company if I had a couple drinks.
- What are you having? - Scotch.
I just couldn't get Rita out of my mind.
I wanted to see her, talk to her, hold her, touch her.
- She ain't worth it.
- Yeah, but you don't know her.
All women are the same.
You can't trust them.
You're wrong about that.
I trust Rita.
I have to trust her.
Right? I just killed a guy for her.
I don't know, man.
Sound like a set-up to me.
Thanks for the drink.
Mouthy guy.
So far, so good.
TRAGIC ACCIDENT AT FLAMINGO COVE The police thought it was an accident.
IT WAS NO ACCIDENT The criminal is always the last to know.
They were gonna give me the chair.
My only hope was a reprieve from the governor.
- But time was running out.
- Your time just ran out.
Wait, didn't the governor call? GOVERNADOR DOESN'T CALL You sure the governor has this number? See if I vote for him again.
I ain't worried.
Don't you know you can't dream your own death? Didn't you hear? There's a new rule.
LAST ONE OUT PLEASE SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS - Any last requests, my son? - Long version of Stairway to Heaven? Kill him.
No! No! Auntie Em? Uncle Henry? - Morning.
- Morning.
- Did you call me last night? - Last night? Must have dreamed it.
Thought about our little disagreement yesterday? What little disagreement was that? The Flamingo Cove murder.
I hadn't given it a second thought.
Me either.
It's silly to get worked up over a question - neither one of us can answer.
- Yeah.
I can answer it.
She had a plan from the beginning.
She set him up, just like the bartender said, used him and tossed him away.
I know what happened.
It's what always happens.
He took advantage of a good woman.
- She used him.
- He betrayed her.
- She sold him down the river.
- She loved him.
He would have done anything for her.
Well? Another day, another dollar.
Yeah.
Animal.
Sexist.