Mount Pleasant (2011) s02e04 Episode Script

I've missed you.
We're just one big happy family.
It's really working then? This business? Mate, you've no idea.
I've got a mate who's a lawyer.
We were good together, once, tell me we weren't.
Where did you say Lisa was? I'll order another couple of those cocktails, eh? Glad you're having a nice time.
You can expect a letter from my solicitor.
It's ten past one.
You should be the clock of the speaking voice.
I've got work tomorrow.
You've got work tomorrow.
Three nights this week you've been out With "Kim" That's because we're lesbians, remember? Oh, don't worry love.
You know you're the only girl for me.
What are you doing? Drunk sex! You like drunk sex.
Yes - when I'm drunk.
Shhh.
Shhh.
I'll do that thing Come on, Mrs Johnson.
Oh, you can call me Pauline, I think we know each other well enough now.
Come on, Pauline, you must be as sick of all this as me.
You're joking, aren't you? Reckon this is the longest relationship I've had in years.
The door's unlocked you know? I could just walk right in there I'm trying to do you a common courtesy here.
Yeah well, as it goes I've managed to move a few things around, I'm going down the bank later this avvy.
Really? Yeah.
On me daughter's life.
So come round about five and we'll square it all up.
Yeah? I'll see you later then? Not if I see you first.
Hiya Lisa! Ooh, you alright? You look a little peaky? Well, if that's your way of saying, "Rough" then thank you, I appreciate the tact.
What's with Ground Force? Oh? What's he like? Haven't met him, Jack organised it all in the end.
But he's bound to be nice, isn't he? If Jack picked him? Yeah, bound to be.
"Green Coates Bowling Club?" Well, what do you think then? I think it's a brilliant idea! Yes! Have you done something with your hair? No.
Don't you think you should? Oh, morning Lisa.
Oh! You look erm I am aware, thank you.
Late night.
Me too.
Ever since Fergus dumped his "Seeking legal advice" stuff on us I've hardly had a wink.
Got a solicitor's letter yesterday.
Haven't dared open it.
And I keep having these dreams Like, I go into the baby's room and the cot's empty.
I'm looking everywhere, but he's gone.
Oh Denise.
Then last night, I had this other one, where all me fingers fell off.
But that's probably not about Fergus that one, is it? Probably not.
What do you call someone who gets off with a bloke her mate fancies and then puts out on a first date? Seven letters.
Slapper? Slapper! Thanks.
Better get off to school before study period ends.
Why you cooking over here? I'm not cooking.
I'm baking.
Right.
Baking Jack phoned - we've got a new neighbour.
What could be better than stepping into his new home to the aroma of freshly-baked pastry goods? Stepping in and not finding a pile of dirty washing up? I'll wash up before I go, clever clogs.
Go on, get off, Shoo! Shoo! Blue for a boy, pink for a girl.
That's class.
Barry, you don't think this place is a bit posh? Yes - suits us down to the ground that.
We were the first people on our street to get a tumble dryer, remember? That's getting on for 30 years now, I'm not sure you can keep dining out on that.
Hello, hello! New blood? Stanley Hutson.
I'm Barry, this is Sue.
Hello.
New to the game? No.
Yes.
OK, let's see if we can find you some outfits, eh? I don't think that he saw me, but honestly, Lise, you should have seen him, he looked so different.
I can't even remember the last time he Has he said anything to Dan about what he's doing? Sorry, who? Greg! I've just spent the last five minutes telling you how I drove past him this morning, all suit and tie.
Were you out last night? Sorry, yeah.
Never again, not on a school night.
Out with "Kim" I suppose? What's that supposed to mean? What? Kim! You're as bad as Dan.
What am I? The centre of everybody's bloody universe? Am I not allowed to have friends of me own? I'm sick of it! Jesus, Lise.
Was that a bit much? A tad, yeah.
Was it the "Centre of the universe?" Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
I suppose I have been spending quite a lot of time with her.
I didn't realise.
I'm sorry.
Look, there's something that I need to tell you Stupid thing! Stop it! Stop! You could help, you know? I could.
But it wouldn't be nearly as funny.
Only wanted to print a notice.
Now I've got 20,000 sheets of paper saying, "chair broken.
" Not to rub salt into the wound love, but you've actually got 20,000 sheets saying, "char broken".
I'm not having a good morning.
You and me both, kid.
Thing about bad mornings though, they have to get better.
Yeah.
Morning, ladies.
Now that was much better.
It was! You stayed on the grass.
You're a bit a of a natural, aren't you? Ah, well, I don't want to blow me own trumpet or owt.
We have a club team, you know? Do you think you might be interested in joining? We'd love to! Wouldn't we? Ah.
I think he means just you Barry.
And he'd love to.
I never been very good with balls.
Well you know that Barry, but this can still be our club.
Now! I noticed a tea room? Ah yes.
Next to this, it's useless.
Moving on to the knobs.
Angry or flaccid though? Well Size wise, Look at this - year after year you've had a reduction but last year's reduction Twelve thirty.
I'm going for a sandwich.
Shall I get on to Reuters? No, I usually just go to Greggs.
Pub lunch? Pub lunch.
Let's go He never mentioned anything about a live-in cook? And I thought the rent was cheap to start with.
You must be the young professional male! Oh, seems a bit formal, Chris will do.
Oh! No, sorry, because You must be Bianca.
I must be! I mean, I am! How did you know? I was supposed to go round to yours for the keys, but here you are baking.
You must think I'm nutty as a fruitcake.
I just thought it would be nice for you to walk in to the scent of freshly-baked biscuits? Yes! Exactly! You don't mind do you? Mind?! If everything you cook tastes this good then mi cosa et su casa.
Anytime you like! He kissed me.
He kissed you? He tried to.
And, well, to be honest I'd had a few and I nearly But I didn't It's just like what happened with you, isn't it? Moved on pretty bloody quick, hasn't he? You're not jealous are you? What? No! Why would I be? Me, the next minute it's you.
I suppose we are both equally irresistible.
True.
If I were to say, "Don't turn around.
" Then you'd probably turn around, wouldn't you? Two pints of lager please.
Shit.
It's OK - I doubt he'll come over.
Shit.
So the first thing that attracted you to your Graham was his shoes? Yeah.
Well, it was his feet, I suppose.
He had big feet.
You know what they say about the size of a man's feet? What? What do they say? Well you know, that it's proportionate.
Proportionate to what? Alright, you seem to be having fun? Yes, we are.
We were just Did you have a good game? Born to bowl, this one.
Come on, Barry, I'll buy you a half.
So what's with the whistle? You know, "Whistle and flute, suit.
" I'm so sorry, she watched Mary Poppins on Sunday.
I was out at some sites this morning.
It's what they expect from the MD.
MD? Yeah, Managing Director.
I know what it means, it's just funny hearing you say it, that's all.
Sounds wrong doesn't it? Sounds alright, actually.
I bet it's doing wonders for your love life too, eh? OW! I do alright.
Best be off, busy day.
I'll catch you laters though.
It's good to see you.
Ow! Will you give over kicking us? "Wonders for your love life!" Shelley sat there! Shelley's still sat here! Actually, it's fine.
It's Kim.
Asking you out tonight, I suppose? No.
Actually.
No.
Tomorrow.
Both of us.
Dinner, her and her husband.
Oh.
That'll be nice.
Well, you could come too, I suppose.
I don't know.
Sounds very much like a couple's thing.
OW! It's bruised! It's actually properly bruised - look! Put it away, nobody wants to see that! Hey, stop it! Your Dad! It's five o'clock, he'll be at the pub.
Dad? Yeah? Where've you been? I stopped off for Whoa Sorry, Pauline, what are you doing here? I need somewhere to stay - it'll just be for a couple of nights.
Why? What's happened? Rats.
You've got rats? Of the clipboard and court order variety.
Oh - Jesus, Pauline.
Have you talked to Dan about it? I don't want them to worry.
They've got a rat problem of their own, bedded down on their sofa.
And I could do without him knowing about it either.
Look, I'll sort it.
I always have.
It'll only be for a couple of nights.
Sure.
Probably do with the company.
Thank god for that.
I'm just saying it's been over a week now, shouldn't he be getting back out there? Doing something? He just needs a bit of time.
Done yourself a brew then? Oh sorry, did you want one? Yoohoo! It's only us.
You'll never guess what we've been doing all day? No! Bowling! He's been bowling, I've been making sandwiches.
You'd have been really proud of us kid.
I did two "touchers" when I "played up the knob" and Stanley said it's the best bit of "blobbing" he's ever seen.
What sort of sandwiches did you make? Cheese and pickle.
Nice.
He even asked us to join the team.
How's about that then? Turning pro after one day, you know why don't you? I got the moves like Jagger I got the moves like Jagger I got the mo-oo-oves Like Jagger Come on Charlie! I don't know that one.
No, but he knows ABBA though.
As he proves every morning in the shower - very loudly.
See that girl Watch that scene Digging the dancing queen!" Mum! Oh I know, I shouldn't, but you used to love that when you were little, do you remember? You used to sing it all the time.
You can dance You can jive Having the time of your life Oh-ho See that girl, watch that scene, Digging the dancing Queen Oh-ho Diggin' the dancing Queen.
We did knock.
This is Chris, our new neighbour.
I was just giving him a tour of the close.
- He's a university lecturer.
- Oh.
Do you like Abba, Chris? Who doesn't? Waterloo I was defeated you We'll, erm We'll maybe pop back tomorrow? Come on Chris.
Thank you for the music.
Hey, did you hear that? He's a good'un, him, isn't he? Look flower, you certainly don't need to convince me that all men are shit.
Honestly, the selfish bastard! Turning himself into the man you've always wanted just after you've stopped wanting him.
Have I stopped though? That's the question isn't it? And it's one you're going to keep asking yourself until you take the bull by the horns and sort out this whole divorce thing properly.
You do know we're going to have to tell him to leave, don't you? Excuse me? Oh, come on Dan, I love Charlie to bits, you know I do.
But he's obviously not going to sort himself out under his own steam.
We're going to have to give him a bit of a nudge.
I just want to get this straight in me head.
You are telling me that you don't like having one of your in-laws hanging around the house 24/7? Well Yeah.
Unbelievable.
What? Oh, that is so different.
Is it? They don't even live here! Well, they might as well do Lisa, and since I put up with them! Oh, you "put up" with them do you?! Since I allow them Oh, you "allow" them do you? Well, that's good of you.
Alright, if you're going to be stupid about it.
You're the one being stupid.
Go to sleep.
You go to sleep.
I'm off to bed.
Are you asleep? Yes! Sorry.
Night.
Night, Dad.
Alright.
Maybe, a discreet word, a bit of a nudge.
Thank you.
You can do it in the morning.
Me?! But he's me Dad! Exactly, which is why you should be the one to ask him.
You're the one who thinks he's getting in the way! You agreed to this last night! I agreed that you could ask him! But he's YOUR Dad! You alright? Yeah! You? Yeah, not so bad.
You two off out tonight then? Yes, for a meal.
With another couple.
Oh, coupley dinner parties now, is it? Bit middle class for you.
Are they going to have one of them fondue trolleys? It's dinner with friends Charlie, not "I love 1974".
Yeah.
You could have asked him then! So could you! Right, there's only one way to settle this.
Ah - that was stone! You're asking him.
Fine.
I'll ask him.
And just you remember that I was the one that asked him.
Don't worry, I'll remind you, constantly.
Every day, for the rest of our lives that I was the one that asked him.
I'll ask him.
Thank you.
What? Now? Right.
Come on Dad, let's go for a drink.
I forgot to give you your spares back yesterday.
Thanks! Erm, I'm just about to put the kettle on.
Ooh, I don't want to intrude.
Would you like a cuppa? Come on, we're going to be late.
We've got plenty of time.
He had me up at six, bowling match today.
Well, as I'm here I might as well take me morning constitutional.
Yeah, go on, treat yourself.
Auntie Pam was online this morning asking after you.
She was on at us to try and convince you to go for a holiday.
Oh, don't be silly, how have I got time to go for a holiday? And do you think I could drag your father away from his new hobby now? Anyway, you need me here.
I think I can probably just about survive a week without you, Mum.
I'm not completely dependent.
I'll get these back to you tomorrow then? Yeah, that'd be smashing.
Thanks.
You've unpacked already? Yeah, well you know what they say, "Tidy house "Tidy mind.
" Mmm-hmm.
That's you! Yeah, I coach the university team.
You're a football manager?! I'm a coach.
We don't really have a manager as such.
It's just the uni squad.
Do you still play? I used to.
Bit past it now.
Get away with you! My Gary's football crazy.
Yeah? That's your stepson right? He's amazing.
We think that I think that he might turn professional one day.
You should meet him! He'd love to talk to a proper football manager.
Coach.
Same thing.
Well it's not quite.
But erm, yes, I'd love to.
I don't know, call this a pub, look at these tunes.
Not heard of half of these.
Here.
Always thought you might pick up the guitar one day, follow in your old man's footsteps.
Never caught the bug though, did you? Even with all them celebrities I used to introduce you to.
I've got a picture of you at the Poyton village fete, sitting on Shakin' Stevens' shoulder.
I'm not sure that counts.
Could have been worse - Gary Glitter pulled out.
What happened Dad? I think he had chicken pox or something.
No.
I mean with you.
Portugal, the bar - Babs.
I knew it was a mistake.
I knew from day one.
I knew even before I packed my suitcase.
Never stopped loving your Mum.
Never will.
Its so easy son.
Years slip by, you fall into a routine, you forget how things used to be.
Then someone shows you a little bit of attention and suddenly its like, "Oh yeah, that's right.
" And before you know it you're a teenager all over again.
Minus the acne.
Even start thinking like one.
And when did a teenager ever make a sensible choice? Dad, you were gone seven years.
Pride.
Always been my problem.
My pride spent seven years telling me I couldn't come back.
Every other part was screaming, "You're an idiot.
"You've lost everything.
" But I couldn't hear it over pride.
I know I haven't really said it but I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You've no idea.
No, I think I do.
People make mistakes, even cool ex-rockers.
Ex? I mean, it's very It's very you, this place, Bianca.
I love it.
Thank you! "Tidy house, tidy mind.
" This must be Gary's.
It's a Panther, isn't it? Don't be silly! It's a Panther F9F.
And it was Dad's.
This is Chris, our new neighbour.
Chris is a football manager.
Actually I'm a college lecturer who does some football coaching on the side.
It's nice to meet you Gary, Bianca tells me you're quite a fan of the game yourself.
Yeah.
Mmm-hmm, who's your team? City.
Sorry Bianca, I better leave.
What? Why? I am Newcastle through and through.
I can't stay here, I'm sorry.
But what have I? I don't? He's joking Bianca! Mind you, I suppose it's good to have a sense of humour when you're following the Magpies.
Ha-ha! I'll just get some drinks.
So listen, we should probably talk about what your plans are now that you are back.
I mean, you know you're welcome to What? Alright mate? Hey, how you doing? Er, Dad, this is Fergus - he's Lisa's boss.
Nice to meet you, give her a pay rise.
No, I would if I could.
And this is erm Jack.
Working with Lisa.
I used to live next door to these.
Just started in the office this week.
She did tell you, right? Yeah, yeah, course she did.
How you doing Jack? Charlie.
I'll just get a pint.
Dan? Hey.
That was quick.
So? What did he say? You alright? Oh, who's that now? I'm not stopping.
Just on my way to the shops, wondered if you needed owt? Rat poison or? No, erm, I think we're alright.
We're alright, aren't we Dan? Dandy.
Been talking to your mate, Shelley.
You've not been doing that voodoo thing again, have you? It's not voodoo, its spiritual mojo.
It's bollocks.
Well, that's as maybe That's as maybe, but it gives her comfort.
Which is more that you seem to do.
Excuse me? She's meant to be your best mate, isn't she? So why is she having to pour her heart out to me? Should be talking to her own sort about this, not someone in their middle age.
Wanted my advice on men.
Asked me how long it took to get over you.
And you said, "That, my dear, is a candle which will never burn out?" No, I told her, "About as long as it took to get that postcard you sent, "Three weeks after you'd gone.
What postcard? I never sent a postcard.
A photo? The pair of you on a beach? Writing across the top - "Wish you were here, question mark.
" Oh, come on! If it wasn't you, who Oh Pauline.
I swear, I didn't know anything about this.
I can't believe she did it.
Well she did.
Obviously.
Your precious Babs, what a catch, eh? Do you know how much that hurt? Like you were both just laughing at me? Pauline, Jesus.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, so was I.
Oh, it's raining.
Oh, the boys'll be in in a minute.
I hope the rain keeps up, it might convince my Graham to take me on holiday.
Are you going away this year? I'd really like to, but I don't think so.
Don't know.
Reckon that's us done for the day.
Ah, it'll pass, it'll pass.
Well, suppose we'll just have to make the best of things here then.
Don't be daft, the bar awaits, Barry.
Come on - leave these hens to their clucking.
Poor Charlie.
That's so horrible.
Pauline thinking all this time that he would do something like that.
Yeah.
If only they'd talked to each other.
Not good to keep secrets.
Exactly.
We'd never do anything like that.
Dan.
Yes? I feel really bad.
Yeah? I shouldn't have made a thing about it.
I know he's in a bad way.
And I'm sorry.
He can stay as long as he needs to.
Oh right.
Ta.
Tea up Charlie.
Away games? Course, course.
Can't expect them all to come here, can we? One coming up next weekend, in Gwent.
Gwent? You'll love it! Proper jolly boys outing.
Give you a chance to get off the leash for a bit, eh? Right.
Aw! It just started pissing it down as I came round the corner.
I bet I look like a right drowned rat, don't I? Actually, you look great.
This was a good idea you know? We do need to talk, we've both been putting it off.
And with the house and everything.
Can I get you a drink? Er, yeah, can I get a? I think I know what you drink, Shells.
Yeah, sorry.
I think I'd better make a move, I didn't mean to take up so much of your time.
Don't be daft! Thank you for your hospitality, Bianca.
You're very welcome, Chris.
I'll show you out.
You know that Dad would want to see you happy.
Want you to move on.
Move on? What are you talking about? Move on to what? You do say some silly things.
For God's sake, is it really that important? It's dinner with a friend, not lunch with the Queen! It's important to me.
I bet they'll be dressed up smart.
What is wrong with you? You've had a face on you since you got home.
It's not that bad making an effort, is it? I like this woman and I want her to like you.
And my trousers are going to seal the deal, are they? How was work? You what? Work.
You seemed chewed up about it the other day, wondering how it's going? It's Saturday, Dan, do you mind if we don't talk about work? Dan! I'm wearing these.
What? I said I'm wearing these, alright? That'll be you up there soon? I guess it will.
I don't want to go to Gwent, Sue.
You never did like Scotland, did you? I never like anywhere without you.
Do you think this has been a mistake? I don't know.
You seem to be having so much fun with your new friends.
And Stanley says, "You're a natural bowler.
" It's true, I am.
So really, I suppose we're very happy here, aren't we? I suppose we are.
Wait, I've changed my mind, it looks better untucked.
No, leave it.
Dan, just untuck it.
No.
Why not? Dan! I said, "No!" NO!!! Hi.
Hi.
Have a seat.
It was funny! Not for me it wasn't.
Or you if I remember, you had to mop it up.
Yeah, but it was funny before that bit.
We're not doing much divorce talk, are we? No.
Sod it, we can do it another day.
I'm half cut already.
If you gave me a form to sign now, I'd end up giving you everything.
I'm sure your current squeeze might have something to say about that? My current what? You know, thought you were doing, "Alright"? Maybe I am.
It's not good enough though is it? "Alright?" Me and you were never, "Alright".
Oh, thank you very much.
You know what I mean.
Yeah.
I do.
And no, I would like to think that me and you were never just, "Alright.
" Another drink I think.
Get you one? You've paid all night, this is definitely a new one.
Yeah well, things change, don't they? Where did you say Bryan was Kim? Oh, he's running late, that's all, I'm sure he'll be along soon.
So Dan, Lisa tells me you're a plumber? Yeah I He runs his own business.
Don't you, Dan? I run my own business.
So is work good? I do OK.
He does very well.
You do very well.
I tell you what, if she wants to ask me anything else, maybe she should just run it past you first, eh? Save time! That's Bryan.
Hey! Where are you? What? I can't hear you, hang on.
Sorry.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Nothing.
If you didn't want to come you should have just told me.
Oh, we do that, do we? Tell each other things? What? Is everything alright? Yeah, yeah, fine.
He's just a little erm I think perhaps we should just order.
Kim? I think I'm going to go for What's happened? I'm sorry I-I can't do this I'm Bryan, he's err, he's not coming Erm, we had a massive fight this morning I found out there's somebody else.
Oh, Kim! It's not the first time.
I mean we always get through it.
It's what we do, but I felt this one was different I knew it but I just thought that He's gone.
He's not coming back.
Oh, Kim, come here.
I'm sorry.
Ready to order? You still ordered?! I can't believe the way you behaved in there.
Maybe you weren't interested in coming out tonight but this was important to me and you knew that.
You were never going to tell me, were you? Tell you what? About Jack.
What about Jack? About the fact he's got a job in your office.
That you're working together.
That you're seeing him every day.
No, and do you know how I found out? From him! To me face, in front of me Dad.
And I just had to sit there with this fixed polite smile, nodding away, "Oh yeah? That's nice.
" Oh Dan, I'm so sorry.
I was going to tell you, I was but What? Didn't have time? Had plenty of time to dress me up like a Ken doll and parade me in front of your new friend though, didn't you? I knew how you'd react.
Did you? How? Like this? Better or worse? I was scared! We never talk about before.
The way you looked at me when you thought I just wanted to forget it all.
I never wanted to see that look again.
Stop crying, will you? I'm trying to be mad at you here.
I can't.
Everywhere I look there are couples fighting and falling apart.
Like your Mum and Dad, Denise, Shelley and Greg.
Even Kim.
I hate it.
We're not falling apart, Lisa.
Not over him.
Believe me, I wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction.
And I will never, ever look at you that way again.
I should have always trusted you.
I always will.
You know that, don't you? That's not what this is about.
You should have told me, that's all.
You should have told me.
I know.
What a shit night! We've had better.
I wouldn't mind but I'd been really looking forward to it.
Not because of her but because it's been so long since you and I did something together.
Night's still young.
What do you mean? I mean I don't fancy heading on back and spending the rest of the evening sitting on the sofa with me Dad watching re-runs of Top Of The Pops, do you? Not really.
So what say we forget all about everyone else's problems and let our hair down a bit? Hit a club - act like we're still in our twenties? Very late twenties? You can if you want.
I'm going full on generation X.
I think I'd like that.
Please welcome your host It's that letter.
From the solicitors? I'm scared.
You know, you and me, we should go out sometime.
Shell? Shell? One day soon we'll be gone.
One day soon all this will be finished.
Me and your father have got some news.
What? Stop the car!