Resident Alien (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Resident Alien" Break me out of here, but you have to do it quick.
What do you mean? Your people will send someone else to kill everyone for you.
Including Asta? You're an alien.
You know, phone home.
Call them and tell them not to come.
I will try to build a radio to contact my people.
Mm.
Yes! Time for you two to get to Colorado to find me whatever was flying that machine.
Max, who is that? Why is he wearing a white coat? - Are you the town doctor? - Yes, I am.
I remember everything, even though I'm not supposed to.
Most people don't.
There were others in the ship, you know, who were taken? Like an intergalactic orphanage.
Growing up that way probably felt very alienating.
Showed me my mom and dad a few times.
Been searching for them ever since the aliens dumped me back here five years ago.
Then I can imagine the complicated feelings you have for them.
All that time, all those missed opportunities.
It's the missing things, right, Doc? The missing things are what help you heal.
Attachments, like you said.
Feel like I'm a single thread from blowing away in the wind altogether.
Unfortunately, we're out of time this week.
- Same time next week? - Mm.
What do you think about the new one? I'm not sure yet but I'll find out.
I'll find the truth about all of them.
Children, a pestilence.
They are not so much born, but replicate like a virus, continuing humanity's path toward destruction.
Plus, it is illegal to make them work, so they are just gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
Listen up, skin bags.
I have built a radio to tell my people not to come and kill everyone, including you.
That was difficult.
I am now the savior of the human race, so you can give me my alien ball back.
I would, but I gave your ball to my dad.
He uses it to golf.
You cannot golf with that ball.
Maybe you can't because you're a bad golfer, but he got a hole in one, and in that hole was bird poop.
So now your silver alien ball is covered in bird poop.
I changed my mind.
I am going to tell my people to save everyone but you, and when you are dead, I'm going to freeze you and make snow cones out of your gross, dead ice and add the worst snow cone flavor to it papaya.
That's dark.
You know what I'm gonna do to you? What could you do to me? You are a monster.
You will bring me my alien ball.
You sick, broken child.
That's cool.
He's building a radio to save us.
Are you a goldfish? It's not a radio.
It's a bomb.
Humans live to consume, and their appetites are endless.
They drop garbage on the ground wherever they go.
Earth is like a house they've lit on fire but continue to live in, and they use the Earth's resources to make ugly things like teal Crocs and truck ducks.
You rock, D'arcy! D'arcy! D'arcy! All right, D'arcy! Let's go, Patience! Whoo! He seems like a nice guy.
She looks happy.
I am not engaging.
Keeping my distance, and you don't have to comment.
It's called boundaries.
Could you hypothetically do a background check? Wait, nope.
Say nothing.
All right, Patience! Let's hold 'em to zero runs.
That's right, zero runs on the board for Jessup.
Three for Patience.
Thus Patience Better than Jessup.
Hey, there.
Didn't recognize you not flat on your back.
That's nice hair, Bloom.
Next time, I'll show you how to do a real braid.
Just let me know if you want me to have the pitcher slow it down for you so you can get a hit.
I'll take it as slow or as fast as you want to go.
Second base, second base! Second! Second! - Got him.
- No way.
- You're out.
- Yeah! Way to go D'arcy! Take it to the bank All the way, gang Fast enough for you? Nice job, D'arcy! I'll be right back.
Sit in front of us.
The fate of everyone on Earth is at stake.
She thinks Harry's building a bomb.
He's not.
It's a radio.
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
That's pretty deep for someone your age.
It's Maya Angelou.
Dr.
Maya Angelou.
An actual doctor, unlike the alien who pretended to be one.
What else does he pretend to do? - Oh! - Foul ball.
Ha! - Ha ha ha.
- Harry.
What are you looking at? Get your own ball.
- Harry.
- Mine.
- I just caught it.
- Harry.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Good job, kid.
I want that back.
What are you doing? Watching the game.
When these hammy humans are finished, I'm going to pick the celestial flowers that grew from the water of my spaceship.
It is for my radio.
What do flowers have to do with your radio? Plants have the most complex biochemistry of anything in nature, yet humans give them to say, "I love you.
Here are some flowers.
You are dead.
" I want to see this radio.
Why is she looking at me like that? Do I have a booger on the edge of my nose? Is it on my face? You know, I've always really been interested in radios.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like, how do they work? You know, like this one, for instance.
Like, how does it actually send a signal across the universe all the way to your planet? In two days, at exactly 11:06 a.
m.
, the Earth's axial tilt will be in line with the Mars Transit Station.
Transit station on Mars? That's weird.
We didn't know anything about that.
Ha ha ha! Humans don't know anything about anything.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's funny because it's true.
So this fissure of tellurium will boost the radio signal, bouncing the message off of the radio transmitter which humans have named Oumuamua.
Huh.
And it will send the message to my people.
All the way to your planet.
Off the radio transmitter.
Anyway, it will send them the message, and they will not come and kill everyone.
I have to do it at that exact time.
Why that exact time? Because the The conditions will be ideal, and they will not be ideal again for an entire year, and then it will be too late.
Why are you squinting at me? Why are you asking so many questions? Do I have a booger on my face? Point at the booger.
Mm, I think you're lying about what this is.
Painful.
Your last radio ended up being a human death bomb, and you lied that whole time.
Well, you just lied to me just now about being interested in radios.
I knew you were lying.
You're not a good actress.
You could not play a beach corpse - on "Law and Order.
" - Excuse me.
You know, this "tellurium fissure," it goes right through the reservation, so I think that's maybe where we're gonna go to set it up.
- We? - Yes, we.
My dad and I are coming just to make sure you're not lying.
Still painful.
Good to see you.
I like being on the reservation.
It feels comfortable.
There is a warmth to it.
They must like it too, since they're always together.
Hey, Harry.
Let's get you some food.
Yes.
Big Leroy.
- Yep.
- Get Harry a plate, yeah? Yeah, for sure.
Oh, oh, hey, hey.
- And how's little Leroy? - Hopefully almost here.
Starting to kick like a little fancy dancer.
Oh.
- Are you outdoorsy, Harry? - Yes.
My people prefer it outdoors.
Oh, who are your people? The Dutch.
All right, here you go.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
You're that Harry weirdo who came with Dan and Asta.
And you're that weirdo who talks to weirdos.
Weirdo.
I'm Drew.
It's all kind of my fault.
You know, it's like every time I leave the city and come back to the rez, they gotta invite everybody over.
Exhausting.
I'm exhausted just listening to you.
I don't know.
Ever feel like you belong someplace else? Yes.
Hey, Deputy, I had to drop some shirts off at the dry cleaners, so they gave me your dress here to give to you.
I don't have any dry cleaning.
Wait, I've been looking all over for that dress.
Did you take it in for me? I would have remembered.
No, I don't make a habit of walking around with women's clothing.
Although, I do like dresses with pockets.
It makes the handbag optional.
Of course, you could always just throw a couple bandolier belts over your shoulders and tuck little tampons in each little bullet slot.
Sir, how many tampons do you think I need? Shit, as many as you can carry.
Tampons are extremely versatile.
You can use them for gunshot wounds, - for a sweaty brow.
- Oh.
They actually should market 'em to men and call 'em manpons.
I'd buy them.
That's quite the TED talk, sir.
Um, Judy Cooper is here to see you.
Oh, shit.
I think she thinks you're dating because you danced with her.
I ain't danced with her.
She danced on me.
Hi, Judy.
I brought you a cake.
It's store-bought.
- Okay.
- Yep.
Well, so do you wanna put your number in my phone or Uh-uh.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ah, this guy's old-school.
Mm-hmm.
- I like that.
- Yeah.
So I'll just give you my number.
Write it down.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
It's right on your hand.
All right.
- You got it.
- Okay.
- Bye, Judy.
- Bye, Judy.
O-kay.
There she is in the window.
Oh, just in case we missed it.
Oh, look at that.
She she waving there.
Is she gone? - It might be fun.
- Oh, hell no.
- Are you crazy? - Come on.
All you do is work and take care of your dad.
Like, when was the last time you went on a date? I've got people I can call.
That was a very long lunch.
How do humans talk for hours about different ways to cook their meat? It's a good hike to the campsite.
Got decent elevation.
Yeah, most importantly, it's in the middle of nowhere.
- Why is that important? - Oh, I don't know.
I normally prefer not to have a lot of people watching when I try - to contact an alien race.
- Hey, wait up! Jay's gonna watch the kids so we can come with you.
- Oh! - And I brought jerky.
Oh, uh - Hi, honey.
- Hey.
I know you've been working hard on those Patience Family Day ideas, so I brought you tacos for lunch.
Ah, you are the best.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
No, this isn't even Albuquerque.
We're we're in Mexico.
I am literally eating from a taco truck parked at a Mayan temple.
I'm so glad you love them.
They are from a new restaurant in Jessup.
Really? You were just at a Mayan temple.
Well, maybe I don't appreciate their human sacrifices.
So you spit out good food just because it comes from Jessup? This is food from the town that is slandering our town.
The town mayor is slandering us, not the town, and he's probably a perfectly lovely guy.
He's done a nice job with Jessup.
The town's got a good vibe going on.
Well, Patience had a good vibe too, before all this murder stuff happened.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, not counting the dead miners or the church burning down in the '80s.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I think that you could learn a thing or two from them about reshaping our town's image.
Look, there's a restaurant in Jessup that has a great happy hour.
Let's go tonight.
If you hate it, you can use everything you hate in your commercial.
We'll call it research.
- Actually not a bad idea.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll check it out.
Yeah, there's my man.
There's my little taco hound.
Are you guys ready to fish in the morning? If you don't have your rods, you can share mine.
Uh, yeah, thanks, but, um, I think Harry really wants to take a hike in the morning, so we're probably gonna do that.
Oh, that sounds so fun.
I'll join you guys.
I know a great spot.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, you know, fishing's your thing though.
You should definitely do that.
No, that's ridiculous.
I'll fish later.
Oh, I was actually Why don't you hang back with me, cuz? I might kinda want to learn how to fish.
- Oh! - Mm-hmm.
Oh, oh, all right, well, I guess you're stuck with Harry.
- Yeah.
- And, you come with me - to find some wood.
- I'll be right there.
You're welcome.
- What? - I'm a ho.
I know about ho shit.
Go be a freak in the forest.
I won't tell no one.
- No, no, no, no, that's not - I'm already walking away.
Oh, dude, dude, dude, no, no, no, that's not - Do you need some help? - No.
The portable house is broken.
And your family people are going to ruin the plan.
I took care of them.
And if you want to do this, we're setting up over there.
In the meantime, there's the mountain.
It's gonna take a long time to get there from camp.
We have to get there at 11:06 a.
m.
, precisely.
This is our one chance.
Yeah.
You said.
You are looking constipated again.
I'm gonna go talk to my dad.
Don't play poker, my girl.
I want to believe him.
Do you trust Harry? What I believe should have nothing to do with what you believe.
Deep down in your gut, do you trust him? Yeah, I do.
Good.
That makes one of us.
See, lots of plastic straws in this restaurant, but no turtles.
Coincidence? Sweetie, could you please just try and enjoy yourself? Did I hear someone is concerned about the straws? Ours are made from cornstarch.
They decompose and are very friendly to our aquatic dwelling friends.
Well, what if the turtles are on land and they eat the straws when they're dry? - Very sharp.
- He's just making a joke.
Of course.
Can I start you all with a glass of Jessup's world-famous spring water? Famous? That's odd.
I always thought water was just water because it's water.
I totally understand you thinking that since you've never had our water.
Fine, I'll have a glass of ice water please.
Oh, we don't do ice water here.
If you put ice in the water, you can't taste the water.
Wow.
You know, I think we're just gonna need another couple of minutes.
Might be a murder in Jessup after all.
Yeah, there might be.
- Whoo, nice! - Yeah.
Hey, you look happy.
It is nice to be somewhere that is untouched by human consumption and greed.
And the music was not bad.
It's not completely untouched.
I been camping here since I was a boy.
Summer comes later, less water in the streams.
Wouldn't be surprised if it all dried up someday.
As a tribe, we can do a ceremony and give thanks, but if the change isn't happening globally, it's just not gonna make a difference.
These people seem to understand.
Maybe there is no saving the humans.
If my people kill them all, they die, but if we do not kill the humans, they will destroy the planet, then they will die anyway, and every beautiful thing on this planet will die with them.
It doesn't make sense.
Like, how could I drop a whole dress off at the dry cleaners and not even remember? That's weird, especially for you.
Yeah, you've a flawless memory.
You always remember everywhere I stash my weed.
That's some smile from someone who just lost another baseball game.
Still playing.
Different game though.
We both could win.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That should have sounded really cheesy, but it didn't, and I'm suspicious.
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
That's a clever way to get my name.
It's Elliot.
I even got a lanyard from my worksite.
- Worksite? - Yeah.
Very adult.
I got a degree in archaeology thinking I was gonna be the Indigenous Indiana Jones.
I'd watch that.
So did you find the Ark? Not yet.
I don't give up very easily when I'm looking for something special.
Right.
Coming.
- He's cute.
- That guy? No.
I can't date him.
His hair's way nicer than mine.
You're, like, even worse than Mike.
Oh, real talk, though.
The Munsters are coming to town for the summer.
Gerald and Bethany are here? It's my dad's birthday tomorrow.
- Aw.
- Will you come to dinner? They love you, and if you're there, maybe they'll have fun and not try to fix my life.
Of course, and it will be fun.
But why are you still talking to me? Sorry, ma'am, we're all out of T-shirts.
Damn it.
- Asked around about you.
- Oh, great.
So you know I'm a disaster.
I know you're a professional skier.
That was a long time ago.
Who you were isn't who you are.
You're funny and smart, and you got a wicked arm.
And you're pretty.
Uh, actually, I think you're really, really pretty.
So you should let me take you out to dinner tomorrow.
I already have a dinner thing, but if you're down for dessert, we could meet up after.
Okay, oh, and be sure to be holding a single red rose so I can tell you apart from all the other hot guys waiting for a lady.
That's good.
Now can I buy a drink for your friend down at the end of the bar for telling you to flirt with me? Courtesy of our mayor.
Hi, Mitch Green, Mayor of Jessup.
It is so nice to have a fellow mayor visiting.
Good to meet you, Ben.
That is so nice of you.
This water is from the '73 wildfire.
Smoke settled on an exceptional snowpack, giving the water clear tones of mesquite.
Yeah, I think we're probably pretty good on the water.
You're angry about the ad.
Look, a little rivalry's good for the both of us.
You'll understand in a few years when you've been a mayor for a little longer.
Well, I have been a mayor for quite some time, and I have seen a lot.
The truth is, you just have a tougher hill to climb.
See, we have the best water in the world, and you have 59 dead miners.
It's so tragic.
That's not tragic.
The 59 is a story about sacrifice.
Sorry, Mrs.
Mayor, but doesn't play like sacrifice.
It plays like the beginning of a horror movie.
Am I right, Ben? I actually have a name.
It's Kate.
I'm a teacher and I have a JD/PhD.
In Environmental Law from CU Boulder.
- I meant no disrespect.
- Oh, yes, you did.
The 59 is a beautiful story about people who are willing to die to save each other.
We're a town full of heroes.
And if you can't see that, you're an idiot.
By the way, your water tastes like shit, and who the hell puts cacao nibs in a citrus salad? It's gross.
Can't help with the anger issues, but your salad will be comped.
What happened to "He's probably a perfectly nice guy?" Screw him.
We're outta here.
What a douchebag.
Ow, no.
60 seconds.
The petals.
- Tell me it's a radio.
- It's a radio.
Okay, I believe you.
I have to.
Thank you.
Thank you for this.
For saving all of us.
You are welcome.
The signal will tell my people not to come and kill everyone for 50 years.
What? After you are old and die, then my people will come, and they will kill the rest of the human race.
- What? - You're welcome! - 50 years? - You get to live, and the planet gets to live.
- I'm a genius.
- No.
We need to stop it! Ten more seconds.
My people need to come and save the bison.
Ow, you're hurting me.
I'm sorry.
No! - - I'm going to smash it! Liar! No! This was it.
Our last chance.
Now you are going to die too.
I guess you'll just have to figure something else out.
Why do you care? I'm experiencing anger.
You were going to be dead long before they come! How do you still not get this? This is not just about me.
What about everyone that I care about? D'arcy will be dead many years before you.
You have to figure this out.
I am pacing out of anger! If my device had delivered its message, we would have 50 years to figure this out.
Now we will have 50 days if we are lucky.
No, we would have had 50 years for you to do nothing! I know that you don't care unless it's me.
So guess what.
It's me again.
Shit, it's big Leroy.
Hi, Leroy.
Slow down.
What happened? Hi, Sunny.
Cavalry's here.
Hey, Harry's here.
He's a doctor.
You're gonna be okay.
I can do it.
All right, Sunny, look at me.
Okay, breathe in deep.
Good.
Good.
Slow it down.
Ah.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hi, Dad.
Oh.
Look at you, my baby.
I love your confidence.
You'll just wear anything, won't you? - Okay.
- I missed you.
Well, I've just been here being confident.
Stop it.
Well, it's good to see you, sweetheart.
How are you doing? Good.
Happy birthday, Dad.
Bonsoir.
Your table is ready.
Won't you follow me? - After you.
- Thank you.
That's fine, but the most important question is which one's your favorite? "Dream Warriors", obviously.
It had the most iconic Freddy line of all time.
Welcome to prime time, bitch.
Oh, my God, he's on a date.
I've been pushing him.
It's finally happening.
Fancy yourself a matchmaker? I don't know, maybe.
- That's good to know.
- Oh, for Okay, Sunny.
The head came out, but it went back in.
- I'm gonna try - That is shoulder dystocia.
- Is that bad? - I can fix it.
Because I spent an entire weekend last month watching YouTube videos on human birthing.
- No.
- Also videos of a monkey bathing a duck in the sink.
Let me think.
Asta, let the doctor do his job.
It's okay.
Come.
You and you, help keep Sunny's thighs up towards her stomach.
Asta, place your hands suprapubically over the fetal anterior shoulder, applying pressure in a CPR style in a downward lateral motion.
Be sure to like and subscribe.
What about me? What do I do? Just hold her hand.
Okay.
You got this, baby.
Okay, Sunny, you're gonna have one big push.
Harry, tell me when you're ready.
I'm ready.
Okay, on the count of three, Sunny.
One, two, three.
Push.
Here's little Leroy.
My species would never come together for a birth like this, and we never touch a newborn.
When the egg sack bursts and the young emerge, the sulfuric ooze is toxic.
We're gonna smudge that umbilical cord.
Wrap it in this buckskin.
Keep it in a cedar box, put it in the house.
We do this to keep the kid from wandering too far Or for too long.
Not bad, weirdo.
Well, listen to me going on and on about myself without asking you anything.
So tell me, what brought you to Patience from D.
C.
? Ha.
You know what? I'm fine just talking about you, honestly.
No, I'm serious.
It's really not that interesting, you know.
Have you tried that burger place down by the lake? Their burgers there, they got burgers the size of your head.
Oh, come on, I bet you're one of the most pathologically interesting men in this whole town.
- Oh, wow.
- I wanna know your story.
Ooh, is it dangerous? Like if you told me, you'd have to kill.
So you wanna know why I moved here from D.
C.
? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Well, I'll tell you, I was a cop, and I made a mistake, and my best friend died.
So I dragged my sick dad out here to this shitty little town in the middle of nowhere, that's full of people who don't know how to leave well enough alone.
Good night.
Oh, no.
Excuse me.
How are you doing, really, sweetheart? - Are you okay? - Great, I'm happy.
I'm doing incredibly good.
Too good, actually.
Because, you know, your mother and I were talking, and there's a lot of very interesting possibilities - in Park City.
- Some really cute men too.
Very outdoorsy.
You like that.
You know you can accomplish anything if you just put your mind to it.
Remember how driven she was, even as a little girl? Remember that time on TV she saw that guy pull the tablecloth off the table without spilling anything? Do you remember that? Yes, she was so determined.
She practiced and practiced.
She dressed up like a magician.
She had the hat I know, and she actually pulled the trick off.
She was so proud of herself.
You know, sweetheart, I have a friend, Bill, who runs a realty business.
Maybe there might be something in that for you.
Are you listening to us? You did a good job.
I've held a lot of babies since Jay was born But doing it like this with everyone around Everyone there for the little baby I don't know.
I'm never gonna be Jay's mom, but maybe someday I could at least be someone in the room.
Do you remember in that glacier when you first found out who I was? Yeah.
How could I forget? I was elbow deep in your chest cavity.
I told you not to feel guilty about giving Jay up for adoption because we send our offspring into the Great Ice Wind Desert.
I think I understand now why you feel guilty.
Children.
Generation to generation, the Earth's troubles are passed on to them.
Babies on my planet are self-sufficient and can survive on instinct alone.
Human children learn everything from the humans around them.
Without nurturing parents to guide them, those children become lost.
Without a community to help, humans end up alone With nobody to turn to when they're in trouble.
But there is still hope.
There are some who can find their strength.
When people experience a loss of time, their friends tell them it's normal, it's not a big deal, when in fact it's often because they've been abducted by aliens.
I discovered there are some humans who are taught how precious the Earth is.
It is not enough to save them.
But if they can't, who will? I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot.
What do you know about lighthouses, Ethan? I did a work-study one summer at a lighthouse off the coast of Portugal.
It was breathtaking.
They're symbols of guidance, of strength, of truth.
That's what I am interested in, the truth.
I know it hasn't been very comfortable, but we've done everything above board because, in part, I have a lot of reverence for your kind.
Mid-westerners? You're very likable, Ethan.
Show me your true form.
- You're looking at it.
- I know the truth.
My father and I, we saw your kind at the lighthouse, and everyone made him feel like he was crazy.
And so he took his own light out of this world.
But I evolved.
We evolve through pain.
I thought that would make you change.
My hand.
You're a doctor.
Fix it.
- What is it? - We just picked up a signal.
Lines of encrypted code, but the signature is alien.
Ah, shut it off.
Shut it off.
Ah, just woke me up from the best dream.
I was having a threesome with a starfish and a Little Neck clam.
It's receiving a signal In my language.
Seriously? W-what does it say? It's a phone number from New York City.