Rumpole of the Bailey (1978) s02e04 Episode Script

(Crowd chants) Fascists out! Fascists out! Our black friends, brown, yellow, delicately tinted, we want them to be wholly at home, their home, ladies and gentlemen, not ours! We want the piccaninny to be happy under the skies of Africa.
We want the Indian to have equal opportunity in Delhi and Calcutta.
And we want the native-born Englishman, to walk the streets of Acton, Brixton and Lewisham, without fear of assault from armed bands of black brigands! (Crowd) Fascists out! (Speaker) An old lady in Lewisham, one old lady, the widow of an army officer, who has not dared step through her front door for ten years! For ten years that little old lady has not dared to step onto the pavement of her native borough of Lewisham, for fear of being mugged by bands of black youths and having her pension book stolen! I see the police watching me, the lackeys of a government that sucks up to the Saudis and crawls to Kaunda! - What are the police doing? - Communist layabouts! (Indistinct shouting) (Speaker) I say this to you, my friends the answer is blood! (Police whistle) (Rumpole) Good God! (Door shuts) - (Hilda hollers) Rumpole, it's good news! - This is where I came in.
- I've got a tin of Mulligatawny soup.
- Oh, congratulations.
I've seen all this before.
Fascist marches in London! It'll be gasmasks next, call up! The RAF Ground Staff! And I managed to find some frozen beef burgers! Powdered egg.
Whale steaks! (Hilda) What was that? JB Priestley on the wireless, songs by Dame Vera Lynn.
I had to go all the way down to the tube station.
I don't think I could stand that whole damn programme round again.
There we are.
Thank you.
Hardly a white face to be seen by the tube station.
Were you looking for one? I thought you were after soup.
My Great Aunt Fran would turn in her grave if she could see London now.
Ah, your Great Aunt Fran.
Now, if I recall, she was married to your Great Uncle Percy Wystan, late Deputy Controller of the Punjabi Railways.
That's exactly what I mean.
She spent her life running up curries and kedgerees, supervising the punkawallah, organising tea parties on elephants.
Your Great Aunt Fran would have been totally at home round our tube station.
You didn't get the supper at Chatterjee's General Store by any chance, did you? Well, everywhere else was shut.
You don't grudge old Chatterjee a little hospitality, do you? I mean, in return for putting up with your Great Aunt Fran for 200 years? I suppose you will be going to Chambers tomorrow, won't you? Yes, 9:30 on the dot.
Got to see a young fellow about pupillage.
Oh, you're going to have a pupil? That's nice.
- What's nice about it? - Well, you were Daddy's pupil.
Oh, yes about a million years ago.
Why not ask your pupil to dinner? He'd appreciate that.
He might be allergic to tinned Mulligatawny soup.
Really, Rumpole! If you bring him to dinner, I shall lay on a nice roast, with all the trimmings.
Oh, splendid! Planning application in Bournemouth on the 3rd? I'll just check the diary.
Yes, I'll keep Mr Featherstone free from his Parliamentary engagements.
We'll grab a sandwich in Pommeroys, Phylli, the opera's at 7:00.
Yes, right.
I was thinking in terms of a thousand.
- Is this Mr Rumpole's Chambers? - Yes.
Did you want him? - Yes.
- Henry, someone for you.
My name is Khan, Mr Latif Khan.
Mr Rumpole is expecting me.
Yes.
Mr Rumpole's busy with a conference.
Mr Rumpole told me to be here at 9:30 on the dot, no matter what happened.
I'm here for pupillage.
(Sudden silence) £700? All right, I'll meet you, then.
Thank you, Mr Argent.
Ta, very much.
This is thrilling to actually be in the chambers of Horace Rumpole, the legend of the Criminal Bar of England.
And you, of course, sir, I will have a lot to learn from a person of your age and seniority.
I expect to pick up hundreds of red-hot tips, from the lot of you! - (Henry) Mr Rumpole, there's a Mr er - Khan.
Khan to see you, sir.
- We'll do our best to help.
Thank you.
You're on the secretarial side? - Er, no I - Miss Trant is a very rising barrister.
The great fraternity of the Bar.
Truly it embraces all sorts and conditions of men.
And women.
Come this way, will you Mr Khan? Thank you.
I don't see as well as I used to, and it gets dark these mornings, but wasn't that fellow some sort of babu? - Yes, Indian I'd say, Uncle Tom.
- I suppose he'll pick our brains here and then become Prime Minister of somewhere.
Do nicely out of it too.
What on earth does Rumpole think he's up to? My Great Uncle Jarvis had that fellow Gandhi in his chambers as a pupil.
He wore a bowler hat in those days, not a loin cloth.
I mean, Gandhi didn't wear a loin cloth, not my Uncle Jarvis, of course.
Your Uncle Jarvis did wear one then, did he? Ha ha, Erskine-Brown, very funny! What did you mean, "what's Rumpole up to"? Taking a pupil without going through the pupillage committee.
You mean taking that pupil, don't you? For all I know, whatever his name is, Khan, may be perfectly sound, but - But? "But?" - All I mean is I know perfectly well what you mean! - Don't forget the Ballo in Maschera.
- (Phyllida) Stuff the Ballo in Maschera! (Door slams) - (Knock on door) - Enter.
Mr Rumpole, Mr Khan.
Khan, my dear chap! You come warmly recommended from the Inn.
An apt pupil, they say.
Ready for work? As soon as you say so.
I am mustard keen.
That's the ticket! Well now, this is our client, Mr sorry, Captain, Captain Rex Parkin and our instructing solicitor, young Simmonds.
- How do you do? - This is my new pupil.
Latif Khan, at your service.
Why don't you sit down over there, dear boy? Learn to take notes.
I never have.
I would like to stress, Mr Rumpole, this is a confidential matter.
Oh, don't mind Khan.
It's the only thing to do with pupils, chuck 'em in the deep end.
You know we've got here, Khan, a rather nasty charge, under the Race Relations Act.
Now then, let's see what we know about our client.
Captain, ex-Army Pay Corps.
You served overseas? I served my country as best I could, given my medical condition.
Ah, yes, flat feet.
Mmm Don't worry.
I was in the RAF Ground Staff.
We both avoided the temptations of heroism! After demobilisation, worked selling the "Worldwide Encyclopaedia".
Married 25 years to Mavis Parkin.
Owns his own bungalow "Mandalay", Durbar Lane, Bexleyheath.
Since 1958 has worked as a clerk in the South-East Area Gas Board.
Captain Parkin wishes it to be known he's absolutely sincere.
Unfortunately that is not a defence in law.
I've known quite a number of very genuine robbers.
They sincerely wanted to be rich.
Looking at these depositions, they've got very little against you.
Some extremely ill-chosen words.
Could be ambiguous.
- "The answer is blood.
" - (Parkin) On the question of sentence? Sorry! You want to know what you might be in for.
- The maximum, if you please, sir.
- Two years imprisonment or a fine, or both.
Section 5B of the 1976 act.
"And still they gazed And still the wonder grew "That one small head Could carry all he knew.
" You see what a wonderful advantage it is to have a pupil? - Well, now you know the worst.
- I want you to ask for it.
- For what? - To ask for the maximum penalty.
Oh, Captain Perkins, listen to me for a minute, old darling Er, Captain Parkin.
Regard me as your professional adviser, someone who cares for your health.
If I were treating you for a nasty go of flu, I couldn't let you dance naked in an East wind on a wet lawn at midnight, could I? I intend, in the trial, sir, to behave as Gandhi did before the District Magistrate in Ahmedabad.
I intend to argue for the maximum sentence.
Excuse me, Captain, but wasn't the Mahatma of foreign extraction? One can learn at times, sir, from the enemy.
Mr Gandhi asked for life imprisonment.
It was the best way he could serve his cause, as a martyr.
I suppose I've got a cause too, in a way.
I defend people.
I don't think I could ask a judge to send a client of mine to prison.
That'd be against my religion.
Then, sir.
I am wasting your time.
I shall conduct my own case.
- I presume I am entitled to do that? - (Simmonds) Captain Parkin! He's a fool if he won't take your advice.
It's a free country, for the moment.
It's entirely his own decision.
Our penal system is open to all, regardless of creed or colour.
Now, Khan You're not to do it, Rex! It's the only way I can serve the cause.
The cause doesn't want you in jail.
It needs you for the election.
We've got you a good criminal man.
Mr Rumpole appeared to have no sympathy with our beliefs.
- And he has an immigrant assistant.
- Very cunning, that.
Show the jury we're not racialist.
- We all want you to fight this case.
- You want him to fight, Mavis? Fight the case? That's up to the captain.
Coffee, everyone? Please.
If you'll excuse me The Leader has let it be known, privately, he wants this case fought all the way.
So that it has the force of an order? You can put it like that, Rex.
I shall do my best to carry out the Leader's orders.
It's not exactly an order, Rex.
It's more a strong indication.
You may rest assured I shall carry out orders, to the letter.
(Man) A fine old English gentleman.
Oh, yes, one of the old school, our Captain Parkin.
- Not quite with it? - He's not up to the needs of the times.
Not up to the position of Chairman of the South-East Area Party? He's got a lot of support, all the same, with the rank and file.
Among the thicks.
I can see him losing that, if he manages to wriggle out of this one helped by some clever-dick Liberal lawyer.
(Door opens) - (Mavis) Has the captain gone? - He's out.
I believe he is inspecting his grounds.
- (Mavis) Do you both take sugar? - No, thanks, I'm sweet enough.
(Birdsong) (Henry) Can I leave you to tidy up? (Diane) Yes, certainly.
Miss Trant, your indecent assault's at Knightsbridge tomorrow.
Thanks.
I'll read the brief tonight.
- No, you won't, Phylli.
- Won't I? - Well, tonight's the opera.
- I told you! But it's Pavarotti and we're in the Grand Circle! Darling, the seats cost me more than you'd get for two indecent assaults.
Be sensible.
You can read the brief in the morning.
No, thanks.
I believe in preparation.
- Goodnight.
- (Henry) Goodnight.
You don't need preparation, not for an indecent assault.
I put up with almost everything about you.
I don't mind you driving at 20 miles an hour with your hat and seat belt on.
I can take descriptions of your triumphs - Excuse me! Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
See you tomorrow.
of your triumphs in a hire-purchase case over dinner.
I can live through a whole weekend in Guildford with your mother.
I'm even prepared to accept your blind and unquestioning devotion to Mrs Thatcher, but one thing I will not put up with! - Oh, yes, and what's that? - Racial prejudice.
- Good heavens! But - I'm now going home! (Door slams) Rumpole.
I'm prosecuting you in this Race Relations case.
- Phyllida Trant's my junior.
- Sounds a formidable combination.
I wonder if we could have a word in private? I have no secrets from my learned pupil.
All the same, if you'll permit, I'll take this for typing.
All right, old lad.
Thank you.
I was talking to old Keith from the Lord Chancellor's office the other day and - Oh! May I? - Mmm.
He was saying he was rather surprised that you of all people were defending this wretched Fascist beast.
I defend murderers.
It doesn't mean to say I approve of murder.
No, but politically I was thinking.
The time may come, Rumpole, when you may wish to subside gently onto the Circuit Bench.
Rumpole a Circus Judge? Ha ha ha! It's not the sort of job the Lord Chancellor's office hands out to chaps who stand up for Fascists.
Oh, really? I'm afraid so, Rumpole.
I mean, I don't know what your pension scheme is.
You're not getting any younger, you know! My pension scheme is about as non-existent as your friend old Keith's knowledge of Monsieur Arouet.
- Voltaire! - Right.
Do you remember what he said? "I disagree with everything you say "but will defend to the death your right to say it.
" (Guthrie) Hmm Perhaps you might read that to the jury when you open the little matter of the Queen versus Captain Rex Parkin.
Well, there's this king, and his best friend falls in love with his wife.
- Oh, yes? - And the friend joins a band of conspirators and kills the king at a masked ball, Un Ballo in Maschera, - That's the last act.
- It sounds terribly sexy.
Yes, I suppose it is, really.
It certainly has Verdi's finest love duet.
- You'd enjoy it.
- I'm sure I would.
Good, excellent.
Well, it starts at seven o'clock.
They're first-class seats.
- £20 each in the Grand Circle.
- I'm sorry, Mr Erskine-Brown.
I can't go with you.
My boyfriend's taking me for a Chinese.
- Really? - Mmm.
- You don't look Chinese to me at all.
- I'm sorry, what was that? Oh, nothing much, just my little joke.
Ah, Diane.
I know it's late but here's a short advice from Mr Rumpole.
It needs urgent typing.
Khan! You're not you're not an opera buff by any chance, are you? Excuse me? I was wondering how much you cared about music, opera and singing? I once saw Lucia di Lammermoor in Lahore, a British Council tour.
That poor lady going off her rocker.
I found it charming.
Good! Come with me tonight.
I've a couple of tickets.
I'm afraid I cannot.
Tonight I have a social engagement.
(Guthrie) Has Henry gone? (Diane) Yes.
- I say, Featherstone! - Yes, what is it? I wonder if you'd like to make up a small party at Covent Garden? - Some time I'm sure.
- I was thinking about tonight perhaps? - Well, what sort of a party? - You and me.
I have two tickets.
I'm sorry, I've got some terrible do on in the constituency.
- But ask us again.
What was it? - Un Ballo in Maschera.
That'd be a treat.
Marigold's keen on ballet.
- Goodnight, Diane.
- Goodnight, Mr Featherstone.
(Door closes) Ballet! Mother! (Rumpole) Ha ha ha! Ah, yes, that was old Judge Darcy.
Ah, there we are! Judge Darcy was a most exquisite judge.
He always used to adjourn at 11:30 for a glass of dry sherry and a nibble of biscuit.
There we are.
Well, these er these two chaps had been caught misbehaving themselves under Waterloo Bridge, and when he was sentencing them the exquisite Judge Darcy said (Pompous voice) "You two men have done a disgusting and horrible act, "but what is worse, you chose to do it "under one of the most beautiful bridges in London!" Ha ha ha! Rumpole! Oh, I didn't realise! Can you eat beef? Of course he can! What do you think? You think it's a reincarnation of his grandmother? It's perfectly all right, old boy.
Got it at Sainsbury's.
Roast beef of old England.
Fine.
Suits me down to the ground.
Good Oh, come on, if you're going to undertake a career at the Bar, you must try the delights of Chateau Fleet Street.
- Well then, just a snifter, - All right - That's fine.
- There.
Hilda.
Thank you.
Oh, Hilda, really! What are you doing? You're turning this room into a hothouse.
Don't you find it very cold in England, Mr Khan? No, I assure you, it is much colder in the Punjab in the winter.
Punjab, isn't that Wasn't your Aunt Fran in the Punjab, Hilda? Oh, that was in the old days, you know, the British Raj.
(Rumpole) Ah, yes, all gone now, eh? Much to the regret of our client Captain Rex Parkin.
"Lo, all our pomp of yesterday Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!" My uncle was District Railway Officer, Percy Wystan.
I don't know whether you ever met him? Well, rather before my time, I'm afraid, Mrs Rumpole.
But we had some sensible fellows in the government then.
- Not these silly asses of today.
- Oh! Do you really think so? At least they're your own silly asses.
Isn't that the point? Yes, but they make us blush sometimes.
Well, here's to your future at the Bar.
How can I go wrong with such a distinguished teacher as Mr Rumpole? Ah, no mister, just Rumpole, old darling.
An old legal tradition.
- You think he's a distinguished teacher? - Gosh, yes, Mrs Rumpole! Your husband's bound to end up on the bench, at least at Circuit Judge level.
- Oh, Rumpole! Do you hear that? - Circus Judge? Never in a million years.
- I've been thinking, Mr - (Rumpole) Ah! thinking, Rumpole, if you would take a bit of prosecution work, that seems the path to the bench now.
(Hilda) Mr Khan, that is exactly what I'm always telling him.
I don't like people being locked up with their own chamber pots, not for years on end, anyway.
I wouldn't like to cross-examine them into it or sentence them to it either.
Well, someone has to do it, Rumpole.
- That's what I always say! - Somebody's got to clean the sewers.
As long as it's not me.
Mrs Rumpole, I don't entirely agree with my learned pupil-master.
There are two dreadful Pakistani students in my digs and I can swear they stole my transistor radio.
- I'd send them inside double quick.
- Mr Khan Oh, dear, I've forgotten the horseradish sauce.
Silly me! Wait there a minute.
All right, Hilda, we're not going anywhere.
Well, Khan, old lad your future at the Bar will hold no further terrors for you.
- What do you mean? - The Lord Chief, Courts of Appeal, the House of Lords, the Uxbridge Magistrate, they'll be child's play for you, like shooting fish in a barrel, now that you've dealt in so masterly a fashion with the Ayatollah! - With who? - She Who Must Be Obeyed.
My wife.
(Rumpole chuckles) I honestly think Mrs Rumpole has a point.
- (Rumpole) Oh? - You should think in terms of judgeship.
Be a judge? Never in a million years.
Drink up.
(Knocks on door) (Guthrie) Judge.
(Phyllida) Morning, Judge.
You are an OB, Rumpole? (Rumpole) 'Is Judge Jimmy Jamieson being insulting? ' - You were at Birkenshaw, weren't you? - Birkenshaw, my old school, yes.
(Rumpole) 'A wind-blasted penal colony on the Norfolk coast 'where 13-year-olds fought for the radiators and the lumpy porridge.
' Haven't seen you at any of the old Birkensavian dinners recently.
Er no.
They put on a good show for us at the Connaught Rooms.
I'm sorry, Judge, I have never been to an old Birkensavian dinner.
Some memories are too painful to be reawoken.
- This case going to last long? - Three or four days at most.
(Judge grunts) (Rumpole) 'Now I remember.
'A small pale trembling child from Scotland with a chest protector.
' (Mutters) Incredibly mean with his tuck.
- You agree, Rumpole? - Yes, I quite agree, Judge.
Just wanted to get the timing from you fellows.
Hoping to get in a week's fishing, starting Monday.
(Laughter) - Remember our last case, Rumpole? - The Paddington affray? A crowd of piccaninnies scrapping with knives on Paddington Station.
The only real worry was a passing white might have got hurt.
(Rumpole) 'Oh, dear! Oh, my ears and whiskers! ' We can't hope for a trial in the spirit of Voltaire.
(Guthrie) Mmm.
(Rumpole) Now, Sergeant, this broken window in the grocery store.
(Sergeant) Yes, sir? (Rumpole) You've no way of knowing whether the perpetrator of that act had heard my client's oration, have you? - (Sergeant) No, sir.
- Anybody could've broken the window? (Sergeant) Yes.
- A destructive schoolboy, for example.
- (Sergeant) Perhaps.
Let us hope he was not an old Birkensavian, Mr Rumpole? If Your Lordship pleases.
Now, you say my client said something about blood? "The answer is blood.
" But I couldn't hear all that clearly, sir.
- My Lord, there was a scuffle - Yes, exactly.
And the rival factions were yelling their heads off, were they not? - (Sergeant) Yes, sir.
- Yes.
So, he might have said, "The answer is in the blood.
" Well, really! If my learned friend thinks there's any difference Let me speak, my learned friend.
If he said "The answer is blood," it could have been an incitement to violence.
Oh! I'm glad my learned friend appreciates the point of the prosecution's case.
But if he said, "The answer is in the blood," then he was merely referring to some supposed difference in racial characteristic, and the remark was quite innocuous.
There is a clear distinction, is there not, Mr Featherstone? If Your Lordship pleases.
I'm delighted that my friend has at last grasped the nature of the defence.
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
I just thought I'd make sure you're getting on all right in Chambers.
- Perfectly well, thank you.
- When I came to Chambers, they said they had no lavatory accommodation.
I suppose they tried to fob you off too.
Pardon me? Telling you they hadn't got a key to the loo.
No indeed, Miss Trant, I had no trouble at all getting into the loo.
We're the same, aren't we? I mean, we have the same problems.
I do understand.
Would you think it an awful cheek if I asked you what you're talking about? Oh dear, yes.
I'm saying all this so terribly badly.
What I mean is, I want us to be friends and sort of allies.
I'm not in a position, Miss Trant, to form any sort of alliance.
My father's gone to considerable expense to send me here, to equip me for the noble profession of the Bar, on condition that I form no alliances.
If you'll excuse me, I must get back to my pupil-master.
- Got a Flagpole in his garden? - Straight up, Mr Rumpole.
The Union Jack flies over his bungalow.
And he lowers it at sunset? Good Lord! - Keeps pigeons, you say? - That sort of stuff any use to you? Extremely useful.
Well, my learned pupil, back to the battlefield.
Thank you.
Free speech is like a football field.
You can say whatever you like, provided that you stick to the rules.
But if you go offside, then the law is perfectly entitled to blow the whistle and to show you the yellow card! And that is simply what has happened here.
Instead of sensible political discussion, the accused man, Parkin, has indulged in violent and dangerous abuse.
He has brought the game into disrepute.
He has committed a foul.
And, on behalf of the Crown, I ask you to find him guilty.
Mr Rumpole.
Ladies and gentlemen, if I could bring you back from Wembley for a moment? (Laughter) I would like to introduce you to a dreamer.
He doesn't dream of women or money.
He dreams of the ancient days of the British Raj.
Captain Rex Parkin.
It's true, he is an ex-Captain of the Army Pay Corps and, as far as I know, he hasn't been further east than a day trip to Boulogne.
The closest he's come to India, is a weekly night out with his memsahib, Mavis, to the Kohinoor Curry House in Bexleyheath.
(Laughter) But Captain Parkin, dreaming away among his pigeons and his bound copies of the "Boy's Own Paper", fondly fancies himself as an officer of the British Raj.
A Union Jack waves above his bungalow Mandalay in Durbar Avenue and is solemnly lowered every evening at sunset.
Dear me! Hardly appropriate dreams, are they, for 1979? When you can't call up the Bengal Lancers to hold the Ealing frontier, or set out by elephant to accept the surrender of the Maharajah of Muswell Hill? (Laughter) (Rumpole) But, members of the Jury is this a free country? Is it a country where Captain Parkin and all the other eccentrics, can flourish in all their dottiness? I may not agree with everything Captain Parkin says.
It's very easy to believe in free speech for those we agree with, but someone, a very wise Frenchman, once gave us the answer.
He said, "I disagree with everything you say, "but will defend to the death your right to say it.
" - I wish to say - Rex.
I wish to say I obey orders.
Members of the Jury, what the defendant is alleged to have said is that most of us are happier in our own homes.
I'm sure you'll remember the lines of Robert Burns? "My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here.
" I myself am a native of another country.
I was born in Kirkcudbrightshire.
Often, amid the bustle of London's traffic, I long for the peace and quiet of the little village where I was born, and where I hope in my retirement to return.
The answer is in the blood.
I don't suppose I'd be the least upset if someone said that about me.
I do indeed have different blood in my veins the blood of the Clan Jamieson of the Glen.
I don't think I can help you any further, ladies and gentlemen.
You will go out now and consider your verdict.
I swear to take the Jury to some place of convenience and not allow any person to speak to them or speak to them myself, except to ask them whether they be agreed or no.
(Indistinct chatter) What did you think of that jury? I thought they seemed moderately sympathetic.
Charmed, do you think they were, by your call to free speech? I thought they saw the point, in fairness.
And Jimmy Jamieson wanted to pay tribute to Voltaire, too, for the first time in his life! Miss Trant, you are growing eloquent.
I'll tell you about that jury! I was watching their faces.
They wanted the faintest excuse to let the Fascist beast off! That's all they want! They're coming back now.
You totally underestimate the fairness of the British Jury.
They will decide the whole thing quite fairly and, if they acquit, it's because they believe in free speech.
Yes, or because they're a bunch of Paki bashers! Miss Trant, I wish you wouldn't say such things.
I find them curiously disturbing.
(Usher) Be upstanding in court.
Members of the Jury, will your foreman please stand? Have you reached a verdict on which all agree? Answer yes or no.
(Foreman) Yes.
(Clerk) Do you find Mr Rex Parkin guilty or not guilty of incitement to racial hatred? (Foreman) Not guilty.
Very well.
The defendant may be discharged with one word of warning.
Be careful how you express your views in public.
They may be misunderstood.
(Judge) I will rise now.
(Usher) Be upstanding in court.
May God forgive you, Mr Rumpole.
I never shall.
In a pitiful attempt to save his own skin, Rex Parkin showed the yellow streak, gentlemen.
He allowed his barrister, in a so-called court of law, to pour scorn on the Party, to make us a laughing stock at the Old Bailey and in the national press.
Therefore, I beg to move Sydney as Deputy Chairman and, gentlemen, Rex Parkin, having proved unworthy of the high office we entrusted to him, be removed as Chairman of the South-East Area Party.
(Man #1) Any other gentleman second? (Man #2) I second.
(Man #1) Have you anything to say, Rex? No, nothing to say.
All those in favour please indicate in the usual manner.
Carried by an overwhelming majority.
(Man #1) Mr Worsley.
(Worsley) The need of the Party is for more positive, dynamic leadership.
The days of the British Raj are over.
The gorgeous Empire on which the sun never set is gone.
We have work to do, gentlemen, more suited to the desperate needs of this moment in time.
I propose Cliff Worsley for the Chair.
All those in favour please indicate in the usual manner.
Carried by an overwhelming majority.
Mr Chairman any other business? Are they ready for their coffee and biscuits now, Rex? Yes, Mavis.
I think they're quite ready.
Were they pleased with the result of the case? Pleased you won the day? Yes, dear I think they were pleased.
(Pistol shot, birds' wings flutter) The departure of George Frobisher to the Circuit Court Bench Sorry to be late.
I just was saying Frobisher's departure has left something of a gap in Chambers.
- We need a new tenant.
- Clearly.
- What do we need? - A new tenant, Uncle Tom.
Erskine-Brown, perhaps you'd fill us in on the two main contenders.
Well, we have had an application from Owen Glendour-Jones.
He wants to move up to London and has a sound practice in Builth Wells.
He'll bring us many Welsh solicitors.
- Yes, that's what I'm afraid of.
- Really, Rumpole! Sorry, I forgot about the Race Relations Act.
I've seen Glendour-Jones.
He seems to me to be an admirable candidate.
I do miss old George Frobisher.
I can't see myself revelling in Pommeroys with Glendour-whats-it.
(Erskine-Brown) The other candidate is Rumpole's pupil, Latif Khan.
Yes Khan's something of a special case.
- Yes! I was a special case! - Now, Phylli No, I'm going to say this! I was a special case when I joined Chambers.
No one wanted a woman.
I had absurd difficulty getting the key of the loo and Henry endured the embarrassment of explaining that the barrister he was sending to the County Court might turn out to be a woman! Now he'll have to explain that he's a What do you want me to say? A "tinted gentleman"? It doesn't matter how good we are, we start out with a built-in handicap! That's what you mean by a special case, isn't it? As a matter of fact, what I meant was we're under considerable pressure from the Bar Council.
I also happen to know the views of the Lord Chancellor's office.
Keith's tremendously keen on places being found for overseas applicants.
I wouldn't be influenced by the wishes of the Bar Council, or by the Chancellor's department.
- No, I'm sure you wouldn't.
- But I have given paperwork to Khan and I happened to be in Bow Street, waiting, when I saw him prosecute, standing in for Hoskins.
You were waiting in Bow Street? - Yes, I had a licensing application.
- Oh, it's all right! I wasn't suggesting you'd been nabbed for soliciting.
Latif Khan would make a useful and hard-working member of Chambers.
- (Guthrie) Good.
- He also has genuine, if not particularly formed, musical tastes.
He can feel his way round Donizetti and I hope to steer him towards Wagner.
I've promised him an evening at the Garden.
I bet he'd prefer an afternoon at Bow Street.
Thank you, Erskine-Brown, thank you for your, er contribution.
Now perhaps we can take a vote.
All in favour of Owen Glendour-Jones? - Is that the darkie? - No, Uncle Tom.
What about tomorrow? What's on the bill of fare? There's a committal in a murder.
They want you to go to Doncaster.
Murder! Now there's a nice clean crime.
Death without creed or colour.
That was a remarkable win you had in our Race Relations battle.
Not a complete triumph.
My client shot himself with his illegally retained sidearm and there's a motion to censure Judge Jamieson.
Yes, that's all over the papers.
- Why did your chap kill himself? - Ah, bad business.
God knows what he would have done if we'd lost.
- Goodnight.
- This came from the Lord Chancellor.
- For me? - Mr Rumpole! It is for you.
I don't know what's the matter with the Lord Chancellor.
Always writing letters.
Goodnight, Henry.
Goodnight, Mr Featherstone.
(Mutters) Er goodnight.
Ah, my dear Khan! My dear fellow! Yes, well now, I think I may have some good news for you at last.
I know that you must have been worried about your future at the Bar.
- Not much worried actually.
- Oh? I know there will always be a place found, if you're competent.
Do you really? Oh, yes.
I mean, the standard is just not so terribly high, is it? We had a discussion about your candidacy at the Chambers meeting.
- I'm delighted to tell you you're in.
- No.
Difficult to believe? Not a bit! It was only a short discussion.
I know it's a squeeze, but leave your desk there.
- This is terribly embarrassing.
- Not a bit! Only too glad to have you.
Oh I wonder would you mind making a note of that rather nice little murder? - I've enjoyed it here - Oh, good! Splendid! but I don't want to stay here.
- Don't what? I'm more interested in prosecuting.
I'm keen that some of these terrible fellows get their comeuppance.
Yes, but look, old fellow, you can get prosecutions in these Chambers.
- I don't do them, but - Careless driving, take and drive away? Small potatoes.
- I'm after the bigger fish.
- Are you indeed? And where, may I ask, are you going to put down your nets? I'm offered a place in the Treasury Counsel's Chambers.
We have a direct line there to the Director of Public Prosecutions.
With great respect, it doesn't seem to me that you fellows have too much contact with the "Powers That Be".
I'm sorry, Rumpole.
I've admired your way of doing cases.
It's your technique to laugh at them, isn't it? I suppose that's what Captain Rex Parkin found a bit too much to bear.
I wouldn't have thought you'd feel he was a loss to society? It's what is coming after him, that's what makes me so nervous.
Ah, yes.
Well, it's your decision.
You must do exactly as you think best.
You're wrong when you say these Chambers have no connection with the Powers That Be.
A letter from the Lord Chancellor's office.
Invitation to a little chat.
(Rumpole) 'I mean 'who on earth wants to be a Circus Judge? 'Poor old George Frobisher.
'I pity him, I really pity him.
'Ten till four, working every day.
Pay as you earn.
'Might as well be a Bank Manager.
'Besides which, Ionely job being a judge.
'No friends.
No real mates.
'No companionable jars at the end of the day in Pommeroys Wine Bar.
'And who wants to judge people? 'What the hell would I say to them? "'Mr Bloggs, you will go to prison for two years," 'and, but for the grace of God, Horace Rumpole goes with you.
'On the other hand 'Well, on the other hand, it's an easy life.
'I mean, you sit there without any strain or worry.
'I mean, you don't give a damn who wins.
And, of course 'there's a bit of a pension attached.
'Once your bottom is on the bench, 'you're in for a pension.
'Hilda and I might be glad of a pension.
'I suppose you could do a bit of good as a judge.
'Show appropriate mercy.
"Madam, you are more sinned against than sinning.
"'The sentence will be half an hour's imprisonment, which you've served.
"'You are free to go.
" 'A look of cold fury on the officer in charge of the case.
' 'Ha ha ha.
'Being a judge might even provide Rumpole 'with a certain amount of harmless fun.
' Yes, I have, er I have thought it over most carefully, Keith.
I must say I'm not totally opposed.
Good.
Very good.
Judge Jamieson said you might be interested.
- He said that? - Yes.
- Ah.
- Pity about Jimmy.
- Ah.
- Pity he put his foot in it.
Yes, well, one must be very careful what one says on the bench.
So glad you agree.
Ah! Yes, I have thought about it a great deal and I must say I do get rather tired these days.
I'm not as young as I was, and dashing about from the Bailey to the Sessions at Chelmsford plays merry hell with the back.
- I hope you'll find time for this job.
- Rather! Ten to four.
No homework.
- Wonderful.
- Shouldn't take as long as that.
- Er what shouldn't? - Little job I had in mind for you.
- Let me explain.
- Well, I could get used to it.
Well, of course you could.
After all, you're an old Birkensavian, aren't you? - Ah! Is that a qualification? - Didn't Jimmy Jamieson make it clear? Oh, well he We want you as Secretary of the OBS.
OBS? The Old Birkensavians of the Bar Society.
We dine once a year at the Connaught Rooms.
Now, come on, Rumpole, we old members of school have got to stick together.