Run the Burbs (2022) s02e04 Episode Script

1
Okay, so we're all doing a chore,
and when the beat drops,
we all drop down and turn to the camera.
- Why are we doing this?
- Because Dad's bored.
I'm not bored. This
is family bonding time.
Okay. You are a little
bored, but let's do this.
Everyone's doing it.
Like, a million years ago.
Yeah. Dad, by the time old
people see stuff like this online,
- it's already dead.
- We're not that old.
You knew every word to that old musical
you made us watch yesterday.
8 Mile?
When you hear "Lose Yourself",
you have to lose yourself.
So ancient.
She's got you there, babe.
Oh, you, too, Mom.
You still talk about McDonald's pizza.
It was so good. You'll never understand.
It's embarrassing when your
generation does stuff like this.
How dare you? Okay. Hit "Record."
We're doing this.
All right. To your places.
Okay. We're all doing a chore.
One, two, three.
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Oh, my God.
I got a cramp.
Cramps, cramps, cramps!
- Okay.
- Hold on. Hold on!
- Don't post this!
- Dad, you're live-streaming.
Oh, it's right in there!
Ooh! You don't have a lacrosse ball?
Buckets.
Waterfalls.
Steph curry with the pop, boi.
Denzel from he got game!
But the scam is you
can get those every day.
Mmm.
- So, how's the job search?
- Not good.
I started doing food
delivery for Super Eats.
I'm pretty sure my
employment gap is a thing,
but nobody's saying it.
- Oh.
- Whoa.
Yeah!
Ah, gentlemen. Good to
see you out and about.
Dr. Dela Cruz?
Ferdinand. When did you get back?
Got to swing home for tax
reasons every six months.
You know how it is.
Plus I needed to let this baby breathe.
Yeah. About that, does
Manila not have speed limits?
Sometimes life makes you move fast.
By the way, did you receive
my new healing bands?
I sent one to everyone on the block.
Good for the knees, back and neck.
Oh, they're great!
They're just elastic bands.
I'm bringing in a line
of healing crystals
on the next infomercial.
Very powerful. Help you jump higher.
You'll finally have a vertical, Andy.
- We're good.
- Okay.
Well, I got to jet, but just remember
Keep it loose with Dr. Dela Cruz!
Look at him go. Look at
him go. Bye, Dr. Dela Cruz.
Oh, man.
"Loose" and "Cruz" don't even rhyme.
I love that guy.
I wish there was a healing crystal
that would make him slow down.
Yeah. You know, just
really live in the moment.
And just
I meant his car.
Man, if I had gotten that
community development job
we would've had a
speed bump here by now.
So, why don't you just put in a request?
Yeah. A concerned citizen
can still make their
community a better place.
A now that Bob is not retired,
he's got to do his job
at some point, right?
- There he is.
- Yeah.
- We gettin' a speed bump?
- Oh, we gettin' a speed bump.
- What's wrong?
- Everything.
I'm stuck in the suburbs. I'm broke.
I haven't had a good cup
of coffee since Paris.
No offence.
What's so good about
the coffee in Paris?
Mannix's mom taught us to
make the perfect café crème.
Is that like a cappuccino?
Totally different.
You start with the perfect arabica beans
and the right temperature of water.
Sounds like a cappuccino.
- Topped with foamed milk.
- Yeah, it's a cappuccino.
But it's served in a bowl.
Literally a cappuccino in a bowl?
No. It's more than that.
- It's a way of life.
- Fine. Show me.
Really?
What, you have arabica beans?
Yeah. In the back, on the
rack labelled "cappuccino."
Okay.
I'm Cam Pham Eats,
and this is not your nanny's naan.
And cut. Nice work, girl!
Camille Pham. Internet food sensation.
Oh, man. You are absolutely crushing it.
- I mean, look at these views.
- What can I say?
I'm a woman of the people.
What's happening with
your face right now?
Hmm. "This dish is a fail."
"She's so cringe."
"Is this even authentic Indian?"
"That's the TikTok cramp lady."
What the hell is this?
It's probably just some
dumb Internet troll.
Online hate is part of the game.
Everyone successful gets it.
This is a milestone! Look at you.
You have views, online hate,
and we've got that thing
with Devin Pate tomorrow.
Right. Podcast.
So, um, what are we going to
do about those comments, though?
Nothing.
Seriously, Camille, you got
to ignore the online hate.
And I have to go meet with a client.
You're taking on clients?
I mean, you're blowing up,
but we're not there yet.
Yeah, of course.
So, how many clients are you taking on?
I don't know. I just
got the four right now.
Um, I will see you tomorrow.
Four?
That's, like, all the good
members of the Backstreet Boys.
Everyone needs to sign the paperwork
so we can start the
application for a speed bump.
This seems like a
really inappropriate use
of the block-emergency
text thread, Andrew.
Don't start with me, Clare.
You literally used it to show everyone
a picture of your weird
birthmark last week.
Did it not look like Dolly Parton?
Come on. People are speeding
through here all the time.
Young renters, people who are lost,
TV doctors in their sports cars.
Dr. Dela Cruz is back?
Did he bring my crystals?
Ferdinand isn't even a real doctor.
You're just jealous.
Of what?
He sells elastic bands.
Basically, a Dollar Store.
I don't know, man.
He helped me after my dancing accident.
You just want to be the
coolest Asian guy on the block.
- That's racist.
- You're the one comparing Asians.
Has anyone here ever tried
the tomatoes from his garden?
- I died.
- He didn't grow those.
Those are store-bought, man.
Anyways, the point is
people are speeding on the block,
and we need 80% of residents to sign.
Hudson, now.
I heard he was in Our Lady Peace
before they got big.
Our Lady Peace got big?
Okay.
Khia, this is incredible.
Just like in Paris.
Anyways, thanks for the distraction,
but I got to go.
Sure, sure. Oh, my God. This coffee.
Ooh, can I have one of those?
Uh, maybe.
You can't have this one.
Come on, Andrew. Is this really
a bother-me-on-my-day-off
sort of problem?
Well, since you have, like,
400 vacation days banked, yes.
Yes, it is.
Fine. As soon as you get signatures
from 80% of the neighbourhood, I
Bam.
- 92%. Asian B+.
- Well played, Pham.
All right. I just got
to log in to the server.
Looks like it's your lucky day.
- Oh.
- We can get that speed bump up in 36 to 72.
- Hours?
- Months.
That's three to six years.
Municipal red tape is the
thickest of all the tapes.
Be the scissors, man. Be the scissors!
Come on, Andrew.
What did you think was going to happen
when you walked up here?
See you in a few years, buddy.
Not if I see you in Hell first.
Ow, ow, ow.
Babe, we went rogue and it was glorious.
Rolled up to the Home
Dome. Got the supplies.
Watched a tutorial.
Then, boom! Speed bump.
I can't wait to see
Ferdinand's smug face
when he comes through.
Hey. What's happening with your face?
I'm being targeted by trolls.
They're attacking me and my business.
"Is this even authentic Indian?"
"She sucks at dancing,
too." What the hell?
I know, right?
I wanted to respond, but
Sam says it's better not to.
Oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Okay. What's your face doing now?
You got to step up when
they step out of line,
like me and that speed bump.
- Don't let this troll win.
- Okay. I'm going to do it.
- That's what I'm
talking about. - Uh-huh!
How do you know his mom does that?
I don't.
I don't know, guys. It
looks kind of uneven.
It's still settling.
I have to admit, it
has slowed people down.
It's perfect.
Hey. What's that?
Oh, you know. Just going rogue.
Okay. Well, apparently, your
wife has been going rogue, too.
Have you seen this?
Hmm.
- You were part of it.
- What?
Maybe just the DMs.
There are DMs?
That speed bump is a legal
and literal nightmare.
Your sense of proportion is disgusting.
Here he comes.
Andrew, he doesn't see the
bump. He doesn't see the bump.
Hey, hey. Slow down!
That's what a speed bump is for.
Ah!
- Oh!
- Ow. Oh.
Ow. Ugh!
- I knew you were a racist.
- Clare
- Ow, ow, ow!
- Oh, this is bad, buddy.
What can I do to fix this?
Um, I think you've done enough.
You okay, Dr. Dela Cruz?
I thought we agreed not to
respond to online trolls.
Well, you do things without me,
so I thought maybe I do the same.
What is that supposed to mean?
They attacked the cultural
authenticity of my work.
So, I had to fight
back, and now it's done.
Oh. Okay.
"You wouldn't know culture if it
climbed up in your ass and laid eggs."
He wouldn't! I drew a picture,
but then I was, like, "too far, girl."
Ah.
Too far, girl.
"I've dropped farts that taste better
than anything you've cooked."
I come from a family of stepper-uppers.
So, I stepped up.
Oh, oh. Like Andrew,
who's about to be sued
by the Dr. Dela Cruz?
Also, when were you going to tell me
that Dr. Dela Cruz lives on your block?
He'd make a great client.
Okay. Who is suing who now?
And how many clients do you need?
Oh, oh. That's probably
Devin. Are you ready?
Sam! Meh.
Ah.
Nope.
Hey, kiddo!
Why are you being so nice?
Uh, just happy to see you.
Could you make me another
one of those café crèmes?
I guess.
Exactly like yesterday.
And you know, if you want to
just talk the steps out loud
a little, that'd be great.
I'd love one, too, if
you're taking orders.
You know, I'm actually a
little short-handed today,
so if you wanted to
stick around, make
a few more of those
- Yeah, okay.
- Uh, excuse me.
The bathroom is locked. Is there a key?
Well, if it's locked,
someone's in there.
Okay. What do I do?
You hold it.
And that's when I decided to quit my job
and pursue my passion.
Do what I love, you know?
And you've been doing
it so well, Camille.
I mean, your online tutorial videos,
they're a hit.
Cam Pham eats is a growing
in-home catering business.
I mean, you've got to be happy.
I am.
I'm proud to be a woman of colour
bringing my culture's
food to more people.
And that's great. That's really great.
But I got to ask, has it
always been smooth sailing?
Well, every business
has its growing pains,
but, um, so far, so good.
That's interesting,
because this morning,
things got a little nasty
with a commenter on one of your videos.
Oh. Well, you know, what I
would really love to talk about
is our work with local
vendors to source ingredients.
Hmm. The only local ingredient I
want to source is this online beef.
Is it common for you
to get so aggressive
with people who don't like
your posts and content?
Well, you know, I was just
really trying to clarify
some criticisms. I mean,
they were all justified.
See, I am an excellent dancer.
Perfect. Perfect. So, if you stand by
every single thing that
you said, you won't mind
reading a few snippets
for my listeners.
Had to censor a few things
given the vulgar nature of the content.
"You piece of beep.
I should beep-beep-beep
all over your beep.
Beep around and find out."
Okay. I am both proud and embarrassed.
Huh. "Embarrassed" came
second. You heard it here.
Okay.
It's the end of an
era. I'll pop you one.
I'm very disappointed in you guys.
I didn't mean for Ferdinand to get hurt.
Yeah, right.
You probably took out
a hit on Dr. Dela Cruz
and then took the job yourself.
You don't build a speed bump
to kill somebody, Sebastian.
You kill somebody, and then
you put them in the speed bump.
You would know, killer bee.
Ugh.
Hey, man. Okay.
So, we got a little too festive with it.
Doesn't mean we should
stop helping the community.
You telling me to keep going rogue?
Just fly a little under
the radar, you know?
Oh. Stealth rogue. I like it.
- D'oh.
- D'oh.
Doctor killers.
He ain't even a real doctor!
Stop ruining the moment, Clare.
Oh. Man, you should probably
talk to Dr. Dela Cruz, though.
Moment ruined.
And then an hour later, you write,
"his beep is the last
thing I'd ever beep with
if my beeping life depended on it."
I mean, really, Camille? You
going after the nephew now?
Okay. Is this the whole podcast?
Just, like, reading back
my clever clap-backs?
Are we ever going to
actually talk about the food?
Okay. You know what? We're
done. This was a mistake.
Devin, I'm going to need
you to delete that file.
Wait a second. That
nephew thing was a DM.
How do you have that?
Oopsie-doo.
You're the troll?
Got me. Lock me up.
You piece of!
You cheese.
And this podcast?
This is horse ,
and anyone who listens to your
is a -eating, smelling!
I'm Devin Pate, and
that's all the time we have
on the Devin Made Me
Do It, Roast Edition.
Don't forget our sponsors,
Jeff's Stiff Lemon Drink.
When regular lemon
drink won't get you up,
try Jeff's Stiff Lemon Drink.
Still in cherry flavour.
What is your game, man?
Uh, drama equals clicks.
Clicks equals listens,
and listens are the
lifeblood of a podcast.
Okay. I am sorry for the outburst,
- but you can't seriously post that.
- No.
Are you serious? I'm
definitely posting that.
This is the best podcast I've ever done.
Unapologetic chef, rage-y
producer? This is like
It's like True Crime meets food.
I am not consenting to this.
Oh.
I mean, you already did.
Sam submitted the releases last week.
Oh, hey. No publicity is bad publicity.
Well, this is very much bad publicity.
Well, time will tell on that.
Okay. That's it. Time
for you to go. Leave.
- Oh, I'm going.
- Okay. Fine.
I am. Sorry. This is just
a little stuck for us.
Just don't tangle that's tangled.
Okay. Well, is there a plug, or
- Yes.
- Okay.
Hey, kiddo, thanks for your help today.
Those café crèmes are a hit.
Yeah. I'm happy to help.
What's this?
Four hours of work plus tips.
You want to come back tomorrow?
Wait. Like, a real job?
Yeah. I need the help,
and when school starts,
you can have as many
weekend shifts as you want.
Plus I still haven't figured out
how you get that foam just right.
Okay.
Another cancellation.
They don't want to work with someone
who uses the lord's name in vain.
That's fair. Even Andrew
was worried about that one.
Look. It'll be fine.
People will have forgotten
about this in a week.
It bothered me that you
were meeting with clients
and taking on more legal work.
Um, whoa. Okay.
I don't know why it
bothered me, but it did.
I mean, you can do other things.
I just I thought we
were in this together.
We are. But Camille, we're
barely breaking even here.
I know.
And I should've listened.
From now on, I will focus on the food.
Okay.
I'll be honest. I may have
left a bunch of bad reviews
from anonymous accounts
on Devin's podcast.
Oh, yeah. Same.
But no more hate, okay? Starting now.
- Well
- Well
Now.
Why do you hate Dr. Dela Cruz so much?
"Hate" is such a strong word.
Dad
Maybe he does threaten me a little.
He's just so cool and successful.
So are you.
Aw, thanks buddy.
- Well, maybe not successful.
- Okay.
Actually, you're not really
that cool anymore, either.
Stop talking now.
Hey, Ferdinand. I'm sorry, man.
I shouldn't have put in that speed bump.
All is forgiven, Andy.
This whole experience is a reminder
to slow down and be more aware.
Life is a journey and
mistakes will happen,
but forgiveness is free to give.
If you can forgive me,
I can forgive you, Andy.
Yeah, sure. Cool.
Dr. Dela Cruz
Your father is a great man, Leo.
Even if he is the second-coolest
Asian on the block.
Just joking.
I know. He's pretty great.
Well, let me know if I can
pay for any of the damages.
It might just take a while,
since we have no money at the moment.
No, no, Andy. I won't have it.
The cost of speeding through life
is one that I shall pay myself.
Awesome. Bye.
But maybe there's one thing.
My miracle bands help you build
the strength and flexibility
to get moving again.
But don't listen to me.
Listen to one of its real users.
That's right, Dr. Dela Cruz.
These miracle strengthening bands
gave me my life back.
Before the miracle bands,
my knees were cottage cheese
and I could barely move.
But after using them, I feel
loose like Dr. Dela Cruz.
And these crystals are
making me jump higher.
Whoa!
Keep it loose with Dr. Dela Cruz.