See Dad Run (2012) s02e04 Episode Script

Janie, sweetheart, because your birthday is coming up this week, you get to order.
What would you like? A large cheese pizza with strawberry gooey bears on top! Is it anybody else's birthday tonight? Janie, Sweetie, that sounds amazing.
But I don't think this place has gooey bears.
That's why I don't leave home without 'em.
Joe, it's all right.
Accidents happen in the men's room.
- It's these stupid new shoes.
- I slipped and lost control.
Please tell me that's water.
Sure.
Let's go with that.
Why are you wearing your dress shoes here anyway? I'm breaking them in for the school dance next week.
Dancing in those shoes? Maybe, first, you should master peeing in those shoes.
Hey, Sweetie.
Uh I have some bad news.
The pipes burst at Princess Castle land, and the whole place has been flooded.
All parties have been canceled.
- My birthday's canceled? - Will I still turn six? No, no, please not the cry face.
- I can't help it, Daddy.
- Last year, you didn't come.
This year, no Princess party.
What's the point of even having birthdays? Oh, Sweetie, you can't blame your Father for being stuck out of town on business.
Okay, sweetheart.
Tell you what we're gonna do.
We are gonna throw you an amazing Princess party right at our house.
- With a real-life Princess? - You bet! - And Princess dresses? - Absolutely.
And Fairy Godmother makeovers? Duh! You have no idea what that is, do you? No, I just know that it made the cry face stop.
Okay, honey, I know you're feeling guilty right now, but just do not make promises that you cannot deliver.
I will not.
- Can we have unicorns? - As many as you like! - David.
- Mom's right, none one.
One! One! One unicorn! Yay! David, don't worry.
As your most trusted assistant and honorary family member, I'll help you every step of the wa Hey.
Hi, I'm Chelsea.
May I take your order? Uh, I think we're gonna need a few minutes.
Kevin, you should ask her out.
Yeah, like she'd ever go out with me.
Yeah.
Yeah! I mean, try, man.
- You are a great catch, Kevin.
- I am? Definitely.
And girls love guys who are sweet and sensitive.
- Mm hmm.
- So just be yourself.
That's your advice, sweet and sensitive? Really? Maybe if you're trying to earn the trust of a bird.
Come on, Emily.
What women love is a take-charge kinda guy.
Yeah, I'm not sure that I could really pull that off.
Yeah, neither am I.
Oh! Yeah, but listen.
You need an attitude, Kevin.
You need to be tough, a man's man.
Like Melbourne Max.
Oh, yeah.
Mm, Melbourne Max.
Yeah, I'm almost finished with your handbag there, Princess Tara.
Sydney, get the lady a drink.
Oh, Melbourne.
Oh, crikey.
Ow! I meant the original Melbourne Max me! Well, yeah, yeah, so did we.
I didn't.
I meant the guy who did the sequels.
Hottie McSix-pack.
I love the Melbourne Max movies.
Me too.
And I love Sydney the monkey.
Almost as much as I love Dr.
monkey chunks.
Don't tell her I said that.
Dad, why did you only do the first movie? Well, uh, Joe, I had creative differences with my co-star.
Oh, crikey.
Hey, I told you.
We've had this conversation.
Sydney! No, please! Okay, stop pulling the hair.
He's pulling the hair, everybody, cut it! Cut it, please! Can you get this monkey's little foot hands off my hair? Hans! That little dirty, diaper-wearing monkey.
I mean, what's up with that anyway? He can copilot a plane but he can't use a toilet? All right, one extra large pizza.
Yes.
Can I get you a refill? Uh Does kookaburra sit in the old gum tree? Uh, I mean, I'd bloody love a refill.
This is so wild.
A psychic told me I was gonna meet a cute stranger from a foreign land.
You're from Australia, right? Does a koala bear poop in the outback? Oh, crikey.
You don't have one unicorn? How about a white horse with a spikey wart? Well, maybe you don't exist, Todd.
Daddy, does everybody know the party's here now? Yes, they do.
Did you call Charlotte, Amanda, Stephanie? Yes, yes, and yes.
Aha! I don't know Stephanie.
Great, now I'm questioning everything.
Well, you don't have to question the fact that your Dad's gonna throw you a great birthday party.
I'm okay! Yeah, listen, Joe.
You might wanna take those shoes off before you fall Down the stairs.
- I'm okay.
- Okay.
Fitzy and I are gonna practice our dance moves.
We're meeting at his Dad's china shop.
That's a good plan.
Still okay! Yes.
Dinner's going to be heaps of fun.
I'll hop on over, kangaroo-style, and put you in my pouch half past six.
Hooroo! Chelsea said yes.
We're going out tonight.
Oh, yeah! Well, good for you, Kevin.
No, not good for me, David, because she thinks I'm Australian and we're going out tonight.
Kevin, I told you to be like Melbourne Max, not be Melbourne Max.
I know.
I panicked.
And now I'm stuck like a koala bear in a Eucalyptus tree.
And by the way, I'm running out of cute Australian animals to make me sound more Australian-y.
Kevin, just tell Chelsea the truth.
Lies have a tendency to snowball.
Wombats.
- They have wombats.
- Ha.
That's a good one.
Emily, you're right.
I'll tell her the truth at dinner.
Oh, for the love of Keith urban, I can't stop! Look, we gotta move on here, okay? I've got a very long list for Janie's birthday party and a very short time to get it all done.
Right.
Ha.
I wonder when Chelsea's birthday is.
Okay, I need Princess wands, tiaras.
- I need decorations.
- Oh, I bet she's a Taurus.
Kevin! Please.
We're talking about princesses here.
Dad, I think you've lost him.
Yeah, well, I need him, Emily.
I've only got 36 hours to pull this party together.
It's okay.
I can help you.
Trust me, I know my way around a Princess party, okay? If it's pink and purple and covered in glitter, it'll fly.
And if anyone complains, just say "it's magical!" Chelsea's magical.
She smells like pizza.
She's like my little slice of heaven, you know? Delivered in 30 minutes or less to my heart.
Okay, Kevin, you're officially useless to me now, okay? So go focus on your date.
Oh, thanks, David! Oh, uh, dingoes.
Australia has dingoes.
Oh, yes! "Insert tab one into slot two.
And then fold into" Paper cut number four.
So this is what we're giving in the gift bags, huh? - Yep! - Interesting choice.
Janie, I had Princess wands at my party.
Are you gonna have them at yours? - Daddy? - Yep! - A Princess cake? - Absolutely.
- Princess bouncy Castle? - Duh! No! No, no, no, no, no.
Those are so last year, Charlotte, come on.
Goodness, but I am gonna throw a party for Janie that's gonna blow your five-year-old little mind.
I'm six! You got an answer for everything, don't you? - Hello! David! - Hey! Hey, hey! You order yourself a Princess? Oh, you see that, Charlotte? What would a Princess party be without a real, live Princess? Hear ye.
- Who are you? - You called me.
Ye olde princesses.
Well, ye are a little older than we expected.
Dad, every other Princess place was booked.
She was the only one available.
And now we know why.
Uh, we're very sorry for the misunderstanding.
Let me out to your car.
Okay.
Daddy, it's not gonna be a Princess party without a real-life Princess.
Please not the cry face.
No, no.
Come on, Janie.
I promise you this party's gonna be great.
How? Well, look.
Janie is my little Princess And I am gonna save the day, okay? We have a special guest coming.
- Who? - Well - Yeah, who? - Uh huh, um Who saves princesses better than anyone? - Melbourne Max? - Melbourne Max! And Sydney the monkey? Well, I don't know if Sydney can make it.
You can't get him, can you? Yes, I can get him, Charlotte.
And in fact, I'm gonna get him and he's gonna be here.
- Thank you, Daddy! - Okay.
Gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know, I'm impressed too, man.
I thought you would never play Melbourne Max again because, and I quote, "I won't let that filthy beast paw me again.
" I'm not gonna play him again.
I'm gonna have Tom McClain do it.
So I gotta call Kevin.
He has his number.
Man, I remember the fight you and Sydney had the last day of shooting.
Things got heated, poop was flung, ah! That was not your finest hour, David.
Oh, what, he can do it but I can't? G'day, mate.
Kevin here.
Leave a message at the walla-beep! I could listen to your accent all day, Kevin.
It's so charming.
Um, I don't mean to sound too forward or anything, but I've always had a special place in my heart for men from Down under! Ah, yeah.
I'm sorry, I hate it when people fake accents.
Oh, yeah.
- You've been so quiet.
- Is everything all right? Um, listen, Chelsea.
About my accent The thing is, I'm not G'day, mate! Marcus! What are you doing here? Well, sorry to bushwhack your dinner, but I need the number to Tom and his monkey.
I tried calling you on your celly, mate, but it went straight to voice mail.
Monkey? I absolutely love animals! You know, I've always wanted to become a veterinarian.
- What a coinky-dink.
- You both love animals.
Watch me work.
Ah, you know, back in Oz, me and this bloke we had an animal practice.
You did? Uh, we did? We did! You know, your accent is really interesting.
- I can't quite place it.
- No one can, yes.
Marcus, I'm going to text you Tom's number so you can make like a boomerang and return home.
All right, thank you.
Nice to meet you! Adios! So you're free tomorrow.
That's excellent, Tom, excellent.
I'll see you tomorrow at 1:00.
This is awesome, David.
I am pumped, and I will see you then.
Guess what, Sydney.
We're going to a party at David Hobbs' house.
The gooey bear Castle! Nice touch! How you like me now, Charlotte? Oh, hey, Fairy Godmother! How are the Princess makeovers going? Oh, those girls don't need me.
Once they realized Joe couldn't get away in those shoes, they went in for the kill.
Stop it! I'm not a pretty Princess! No! You and your nerd shoes ruined my cake! Sorry, Janie.
My Mom always has a backup cake.
Does your Mother have a back off cake, Charlotte? Okay, nobody panic.
Nobody panic.
Okay, listen.
So Joe, I need you to go upstairs.
I need you to clean off.
Take off those shoes.
Emily, can you please help me clean this mess up? Uh, Amy, I need you to go get me a backup cake.
I don't want to miss hottie McSix-pack! Well, then you're gonna have to hurry.
Please get me a backup cake! Ugh! Okay, you two, come on.
Guys, back to the party.
- Back to the party.
- Daddy? When are Melbourne Max and Sydney getting here? They're on their way.
Where, from Australia? You know, that'll be funny a week from now, come on.
Well, Marcus, thanks to you, Chelsea is now very impressed that I'm a veterinarian.
Hey, I was trying to be your wing man, mate.
Your wing-mate.
Wait.
Now Chelsea thinks you're Australian and a vet? This is what I was talking about.
Classic snowball of lies.
Kevin, I'm gonna be honest with you.
You're not gonna do any better than her.
Girls don't like liars.
That's why you don't tell them you're lying.
Wha what is she doing here? What do I do? Go with the truth.
If she really likes you, she'll understand.
She won't understand.
A girl who looks like that doesn't need to understand.
Lie.
Surprise! I remember you telling me about your friend's party, so I thought it would be fun if I delivered the food.
Truth! Blatantly lie to her.
Um Speaking of surprises, have you met my sister from brisbane? Oh, Tom! Thanks again.
Thanks so much for doing this.
Come on in.
I am stoked to see you, David! Yeah, yeah.
The kids are dying to see you! Awesome.
Sydney.
- Oh.
- Oh! Still got a bit of an issue with Sydney.
- No, I I don't have an issue.
- He's got the issue.
If he still has an attitude, just tell him not to ruin the party, okay? No worries.
If he acts up, I'll give him a tranquilizer, calm him right down.
Oh, cool, Sydney's here! Can I hold him? Yeah.
Ooh! Ooh.
Come on, you guys okay? Sorry about that.
No problem, buddy.
Um That's not supposed to be there.
Sydney, I don't want any trouble.
Melbourne Max! Melbourne Max! Melbourne Max! Melbourne Max! Yay! Oh! G'day, little mates.
Melbourne Max here to wish Janie a very Happy Birthday.
What was that, Sydney? You wanna wish Janie a Happy Birthday too? Pfffft! What happened to your accent? Well, Charlotte, that's a very good question.
This happens to be my backup accent, okay? See, it's magical! So, kids, what oh! Sydney, you know the rules.
Don't pick it, don't lick it, don't flick it, okay? Oh, crikey! Yay! All right.
Come on, high five, Sydney.
No, high High five, Sydney.
You missed Okay, now what does the birthday girl think I should make with this balloon? Tom! How are you? Tom? Mm-hmm.
What'd I miss? This monkey is hilarious.
He and David are making up for lost time.
Stop it, stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Okay.
Ooh! Daddy, what's wrong with Sydney? Come on, Sydney, stop being such an attention hog.
I think that monkey had a heart attack, honey.
- Kevin, do something! - You're a veterinarian! Uh, uh, I, uh He needs monkey mouth-to-mouth! Uh, yeah, uh, okay.
Uh I I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm not a veterinarian or Australian.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
- Marcus, help him! - Huh? Uh, oh.
That monkey's not gonna make it.
David, you were you were re-certified in CPR.
What? For kids, not monkeys.
Daddy, save Sydney! Okay, okay.
Ah! Monkey tongue! He put his tongue in my mouth! You kissed a monkey! No, the monkey kissed me! You kissed a monkey! You kissed a monkey! I can't tell you enough times how sorry I am for lying to you.
You know, the Australian vet stuff was cool, but I could've liked you anyway.
Well, is there any chance you'd like to get to know American Kevin? Sure.
Um, hi, I'm Kevin.
And I recently discovered that I Make up accents when I meet a beautiful girl.
Yeah.
I think I'm liking this Kevin.
Daddy, this was my favorite birthday party ever! - Really? - Yeah! I had a Princess party, and best of all, you kissed a monkey! Blech! Can't believe I kissed a monkey.
Happy Birthday, sweetheart.
Hey, Sydney, can you take your little foot hands off my piano, please? Amazing.
He can play Chopin, but he can't flush a toilet.