Sexy Beasts (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1
One of my doubts about you was that
you haven't been in a relationship before,
so why do you think that is?
I just go for the wrong people.
What about you?
I used to, like, get myself into
some weird situations.
No, nothing weird about this.
Let's face it,
when it comes to dating,
it's all about looks.
I was on the cover of Playboy.
So, in this show,
we've made everyone look ridiculous.
I think it looks like a ball bag.
Could you fall in love
based only on personality?
This could possibly be love.
And would you change your mind
when you saw their real face?
- Wow, wow, wow.
- Welcome to the weirdest blind date ever.
Are you ready to marry me?
This is Sexy Beasts.
And this sonar-guided saucy boy
is Sullie, a chef from New York City.
I fall in love with every
single girl I get with.
- I don't know what to do anymore.
- Well, then, this one should be easy.
So, what's our lovestruck
Lothario looking for?
I'm looking for somebody
who is weird, goofy
and, yeah, I love to eat,
so why not be matched with
somebody who's just like me?
Okay. And how you been
prepping for this experience?
- I've been dating my brother.
- Wha? Your brother?
I've been having him play
a whole bunch of women,
just to test me
and see if I'm suitable to date them.
Thorough and weird. Did it work?
Yes and no.
Just in case it's more no,
have you got a backup plan?
I can win any girl's heart with
my signature burger, the Sullie Burger.
Also my poetry.
Either/or, I'm gonna win her heart.
Well, let's meet the girls
who are about to be beguiled
by either Sullie's words,
or his meat.
First up is Jess, a dental hygienist
from Cambridgeshire, England.
I've not had the best dating history.
I was in a long-term relationship,
and my partner thought it was a good idea
to sleep with a family member
while I was asleep upstairs.
She won't be coming to
Christmas dinner again.
Now, that is super dark.
I really do wanna be in a relationship.
I need to settle down.
And who would you like
to settle down with?
I have a major obsession
with Harry Potter.
To the point where I do have tattoos
of Daniel Radcliffe's face on my leg.
So, my ideal man would have to be
into Harry Potter and not be a muggle.
And that is how you open
Jess's Gryffindor.
Next up is Kamri,
a construction worker and belly dancer
from Springfield, Massachusetts.
Usually when a date finds out
that I'm a belly dancer,
they do find it very sexy.
They may not get a dance right away,
but it'll come eventually if I like you.
So, why has Kamri uprooted
herself to join us?
I am so over dating apps.
I find it hard to find actual connection.
I do think I can fall for somebody
without seeing their real face.
Personality is extremely
important to me.
And does our tree have any go-to moves
that can make love blossom?
If I'm out at a bar,
I usually use, like, the eye flirting.
I mean, talk about getting wood.
Finally, meet Lindsey,
a sales worker from Philadelphia.
I've been single
for three or four years now.
Okay. That's quite a long time.
So, how do you normally try to woo a guy?
I'll just non-stop text.
"What are you doing?"
"Come over." "Come over later, then."
And just keep texting him to the point
where he responds or he just blocks me.
Right.
So, other than an unlimited text plan,
what else are you after in a man?
I definitely don't wanna date
the hottest guy in the room.
I did go out with this super-hot guy once.
I couldn't stop staring at him.
I'm looking for probably
like an eight out of ten.
Maybe a seven.
Sullie, who may or may not be
a seven or above,
will now speed-date
our mutant maidens in a London bar.
- Can I feel your, like, hairy bits?
- What?!
Based on first impressions,
he'll then eliminate
and unmask one of them.
I'm Alvin and the Chipmunks', um, sister.
So, do you want me to
talk like this? Or just
Before taking the remaining two
on second dates.
All I require from you is
to just say one line for me.
"I am Groot."
I'm like Groot's mom.
So, who's got the chat to charm the bat?
- So, what do you do?
- I'm a chef.
- Uh, do you know what's funny?
- What?
I had told my friends that
I want my next boyfriend to be a chef.
- Oh.
- 'Cause your girl loves to eat.
Okay. So, you're gonna like my burgers.
- Can I please touch your face?
- Oh yeah!
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- Yeah, do you wanna touch my face?
- Yeah.
- Oh, wow. Oh, my God.
- Oh, yes. Oh, my God.
So, can you hear really
well in those ears?
Yeah. I mean,
right now you're yelling at me.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm lying. You're not.
I can't hear anything.
I'm a dental hygienist.
- You got nice teeth. Go on. Yeah.
- Thank you.
Apart from that,
I do, like, oh, fire-breathing.
- Well, you can torch my soul any day and
- Oh, my God.
- In there with the dad jokes.
- I got the body for it.
Yeah. No, you're fine.
Oh, thank you.
I wouldn't say I'm the smoothest talker,
but sometimes my corniness works.
- I'm gonna like pickin' at your brain.
- Oh!
If she likes that, then I definitely
feel I could have a good time with her.
- I do stand-up comedy.
- Really?
Have you ever, like,
done stand-up in comedy clubs or?
I did a couple times
at one in Philly called Helium.
Oh, cool, cool, cool.
I'm a huge fan of stand-up comedy.
Maybe I should just go on a second date
with you, 'cause you're gonna be famous.
Yeah, definitely.
Anyone who loves stand-up comedy
definitely has a funny bone,
so that's definitely a plus point.
What do you like doing?
What's your hobbies?
Um, so I'm a belly dancer.
Can I Can I get on one knee right now?
Absolutely.
I'll give you a dance
while you're down there and seal the deal.
Just from the conversation alone
and the fact that she's a belly dancer,
she can rock my world.
- Yeah, I'm afraid of heights.
- Are you?
- Wouldn't jump out a plane?
- Have you?
Yeah, it's wicked.
Now I know how
you lost the top of your head.
- You really love these dad jokes.
- Oh, God. They're actually cracking me up.
- Marry me!
- Not gonna lie.
- Okay!
- All right!
Okay, calm down.
You can't marry everyone.
So, I'm I'm definitely a family person.
It may not look like it, because,
like, I'm super sometimes into myself.
You seem super into me. So
Oh! Oh, oh!
I think I found the winner.
All right.
Do you like Harry Potter?
- Ooh.
- It's a deal-breaker.
- All right, I like Harry Potter.
- Yeah?
I'm so lying to you right now.
Yeah, I love Harry Potter.
I've got a costume at home
that might change your mind.
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
- We could jump off a plane together too.
- Aw, lovely jubbly.
Wait, I wanna try something.
- All right.
- You have to answer really fast.
All right, let's do it.
- Tequila or vodka?
- Vodka.
- Cake or icing?
- Cake.
- Strawberry or vanilla?
- Vanilla.
I can't think of any more.
What kind of maniac
chooses vanilla over strawberry?
Anyway, did any of our belles
have a ball with our bat? Vanilla?
I would like to be
picked for a second date.
He's lovely, you can tell he's got
a good heart, and he is fun to be around.
I thought Sullie was funny.
I thought our personalities
meshed well together,
and that is something that
is very attractive to me.
I feel like he got a good
glimpse of my personality.
And he is cool, so I definitely want to
get to know him a little bit better.
The three dates were amazing.
Each had a different personality.
It definitely helped me come to
a decision on my favorite two.
And to hear Sullie's decision,
it's off to Sexy Beasts Manor,
where bats have been
dumping people for centuries.
Probably.
So, who will be eliminated
and have her mask removed?
- Hello, ladies.
- Hello.
Hope you guys are doin' good.
The dates went amazing.
I loved each and every one of you.
Kamri,
even though we're miles away from home,
uh, my date with you
felt like as if I was back home.
Lindsey,
I love comedy. I love the fact that
we have a commonality in comedy.
Jess, I love that you love my dad jokes.
It's hard to find somebody who thinks
that jokes that corny are amazing.
So, I made a decision
and the person I have to lose is
Lindsey.
Chipmunk is now off Chef Sullie's menu.
I'm definitely disappointed.
I was looking forward to
going on some fun dates,
but you can't change how someone feels.
If I could, I would've taken
all three of them on another date.
I am really upset,
but I'm excited to show him the real me.
He's gonna regret it.
Well, let's see if he does.
Time to remove those
cute little chipmunk cheeks
and reveal the real Lindsey.
Well, her rodent problem is over,
and she looks much better for it.
Time for Sullie to see what he let go.
- So, what you think she's gonna look like?
- Definitely gorgeous.
Lovely jubbly, right?
Oh, you did listen.
- Whoo!
- Wow.
Yes, girl! Whoo!
- What do you guys think?
- Oh my God. Stunning.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
- Beautiful.
- See what you're missing out on?
I know. You look
You look amazing right now.
I know.
The real Lindsey blew my mind. Wow.
I'm speechless.
I just hope I vibe out with
Jess and Kamri,
and I just hope I don't have to
feel that same way again.
So, Lindsey left the bat in a flap,
but what will she think when
we give her a look at Sullie's real face?
Oh. Okay.
He's not my type at all.
Huh. Well, she got over that quickly.
Which leaves the smokin' oak
and the bare-brained beauty
in contention to be Sullie's Sexy Beast.
First to have another swing
with the bat is Kamri.
I know that I've got a great personality,
so I think just being open to
any conversation he wants to have,
being confident and just being me.
I think that'll do it.
Actually, I know that'll do it.
Our couple have come to
London's beautiful Hyde Park
for a romantic boat trip.
And by romantic,
I, of course, mean terrifying.
I'm afraid of boats.
- I'm trying to
- You're afraid of boats?
All right.
I got this
- Ah, don't be nervous.
- Ah! No, no.
- Come on. You've got it, Batman.
- Come on. All right.
A date on the water
would not be my first choice.
I might be afraid of water, but she
kinda made me feel a little comfortable.
I love being in the water.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- It's calming.
You just listen to the waves.
- Or drown. I mean, there's that.
- No, no, no.
I really feel at home
around all these trees.
- It's crazy.
- Yeah?
We gotta get over there
so I can introduce you to all my family.
To your
I think our personalities
mesh very, very well.
- Auntie Leaf.
- Auntie Leaf. Okay.
- That's Cousin Bark.
- Oh?
We're like two goofballs.
These swans come
and they're like
- It's so beautiful.
- Right?
- This calls for a poem.
- I think so.
I'm gonna try my hardest
to be romantic right now.
Okay.
I wonder why
You made my heart go fly
If you weren't a swan
I wouldn't say goodbye
I'll give that
That one gets a four out of ten.
Generous.
Wh? Wow.
So, I thought Sullie's poetry
needed a little more work,
but it was definitely funny.
Poetry isn't for the faintest of hearts.
But as you see, I have to keep wooing her,
so the more I continue,
maybe I'll hit that ten out of ten.
- Who knows?
- I'm not sure we have that long, Sullie.
- Your turn.
- All right, all right.
When I'm with you,
I don't which way to go
All right.
But like this water
I'mma just let it flow
Oh!
I definitely think
I'm a better poet than he is.
- As beautiful as this
- It's nice.
experience was, I just feel like
I could've made you a burger.
Seagulls spooked and pedalboats pedaled,
it's time to dial up the romance
with a sunset
and some super-sensual food.
These strawberries look amazing.
- I hate strawberries.
- Well, that's that, then.
I hate water, I hate strawberries,
definitely like Kamri, so, listen,
two bad things, one good thing,
I can't complain.
Seeing the sun, like,
directly hitting your face
- You look great.
- Thank you.
I'm assuming I look luscious
right now, like Fabio.
Put me in a shampoo commercial.
Maybe a hair loss commercial.
- For, like, the
- Wow!
I definitely think our personalities
have a lot of fun together,
so it could potentially progress
into something more.
- Cheers.
- Cheers to new experiences.
Uh, cheers to new experience.
I know I said I fall in love
with every girl I date,
but I really think
I've fallen in love with Kamri.
Do you wanna help me out here?
All right, all right.
Don't spill.
If that doesn't say soulmate right there,
I don't know what does.
Soulmates? Whoa!
Big talk from Sullie.
Can Jess possibly compete with that?
I'm seeing it as a competition.
I do want to win.
I don't necessarily have any tactics,
but I'll just show him that
I've got a good personality
and, generally, I just think
I'm a ten out of ten girlfriend.
And for her date, Jess will get a taste
of Chef Sullie's most potent love weapon,
the Sullie Burger,
which he says
is a surefire way to seduction.
- I'm gonna make you a nice burger.
- Okay.
The Sullie Burger.
Listen, the boat was romantic,
but my legs hurt,
my thighs are burning,
I'm afraid of water,
and who eats strawberries?
Just saying the name Sullie Burger, it
It brings you this aura, right?
I I guess?
So, let's make sweet meaty love.
We got beef,
we got onions, 'cause you're gonna cry
later on how good this is gonna be.
Okay.
We got ja-la-penos.
Jalapeños.
Do you want the burger or not?
Ja-la-penos.
- Don't you need flour to make burgers?
- You're right.
One second.
- Flower for you, my lady.
- Oh, my God. Thank you.
The flower was really, really sweet.
It was really nice, actually. Nice touch.
- Basically, what's gonna happen is
- Mm-hm?
- We're not gonna use any of this.
- Right.
What we are gonna use is
Bam! Frozen beef.
Bam! Mozzarella sticks.
Bam! Medium cheddar cheese,
because gotta be cheesy, right?
And onion rings.
- Lovely jubbly, right?
- It is lovely jubbly.
My burger's amazing.
Especially with that amount of toppings,
definitely a way to a woman's heart.
Definitely a way to clog a woman's heart.
Hey, uh, have we got
a paramedic on standby?
So, how many times have you
cooked this for girls before, then?
I might've cooked it for many girls,
but never for Frankenstein.
That's very, very true.
- So it's gonna be special for you.
- It couldn't have been that special.
You're still single.
Break my heart, why don't you?
I gave you a flower, do you need more?
- I'm sorry.
- Oh my God.
Me and Jess, we had a
Definitely a fun vibe.
Just had a laugh, which is all I ask for,
someone to be funny, so, it's good.
All I want is Chef Ramsay to
see me do this and just be like
What do you think he'd say if he saw this?
"What a load of shit."
Oh, it's like he's in the room.
How dare you?
- You ready for this?
- I'm so ready.
Got the ja-la-penos right there.
- Perfect. It looks so good.
- You are perfect, believe me.
When I saw you, I was like,
"Thank God the doctor woke you up."
All right.
Doing the Sullie Burger
was kinda intimate.
You have amazing eyes.
- Thank you.
- Thank you. I mean, you're welcome.
Jesus. You're getting me nervous.
Stop getting me nervous.
He did say I have beautiful eyes,
which is nice, to get a compliment,
especially looking like this,
I can't get many compliments, so
Voilà. I present you
the Sullie Burger.
Huh. Maybe poetry is his forte after all.
Be prepared to fall in love with me.
So, can that cholesterol-filled
monstrosity ignite the fires of romance?
It's bloody lovely.
Lovely jubbly?
Lovely jubbly.
I'm not gonna be able to say lovely
without saying lovely jubbly now.
You have that in my head right now.
- At least you won't forget me.
- I like that.
I mean, food is a way to
anyone's heart, right?
You're dribbling a bit.
If somebody could find that funny, then,
uh, she just might be the one. Who knows?
Now you're ready to marry me?
Um, yeah.
It's a really tough decision.
I don't know who to choose yet.
But when it's done, it'll be for the best.
And so it's back to Wayne Manor,
where our Batman
will select his Sexy Beast
and everyone's secret identities
will be revealed.
Did Jess impress Sullie with her
appreciation of his meaty feast?
What a load of shit.
Or is he hoping
he'll get to shake our tree?
Hello, ladies.
- Hiya.
- Hey, Batman.
- How you guys doing?
- Good.
Kamri, I had fun.
I'm a romantic at heart,
and aside from the strawberries
and the water, it was great.
Jess, I got to show you a little
side of me, the cooking side of me,
and you kinda blew my mind.
I was like, "Whoa!" Like,
"All right, cool, you're kinda funny!"
So, you know, I enjoyed that.
But I could only choose one Sexy Beast,
'cause two of you would kill me. Right?
I've made my decision.
My Sexy Beast is gonna be
It's gonna be Jess.
Oh, congrats.
The Sullie Burger has
weaved its romantic spell.
Aw, I'll come and give you a cuddle.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
I wanted to win, so I'm disappointed,
but he's missing out on
something really good under here,
so that's his loss, not mine.
I'm actually really surprised.
I don't even know what to say,
to be honest. I'm a bit shocked.
I've fallen for Jess's personality,
and I would date her
as Frankenstein, as is, you know?
Brains and nuts and bolts
and all that, and, honestly,
if she looks better than that,
that's just a huge bonus.
Oh God. Imagine if she looked worse.
But let's imagine no more,
as it's time
for all the masks to come off.
Starting with our eligible bat chelor.
He's certainly sending my bat signal up.
All this and he writes poetry?
Kind of.
Before he meets his sexy beast,
our runner-up
needs a little deforestation.
Wow. Our tree's so hot
she could start a forest fire.
Will Sullie rue his choice?
Let's find out,
as they meet in the mansion's
magnificent Hall of Romance.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Hey, yo.
- You look amazing.
- Thank you.
You're handsome.
Okay! All right.
Kamri's gorgeous.
But, yeah, I ended up with
a friend connection thing going on.
- Bye.
- All right. Take care, all right?
- Good luck with Jess.
- Yeah. Thank you.
I did like the reaction I got from him.
I think he realized that
he's missing out on something good.
She's a beautiful girl,
but I can't wait to meet Jess.
Well, the wait is almost over,
as Sullie finally meets
his lab-made lovely jubbly, Jess.
Will an uncontrollable connection
send sparks flying tonight
as they see each other
for the very first time?
Damn! All right!
How are you?
Ha, I'm lovely jubbly.
You look delicious.
All right. Yeah, I made the right choice.
Yeah, I did. All right. Cool.
Well, twist my bolts
and reanimate my bits!
She looks so much better
with her brain inside her skull.
Yeah, you're fit. I'm not gonna lie.
- I feel so happy right now.
- All right, cool.
Beautiful, delicious, astounding,
amazing. I made the right choice.
You look great. What the fuh?
He's fit.
Definitely my type.
Oh, man.
Our second date was amazing.
Our energies was just a match.
I can't wait to get to know her more.
- Wanna grab some drinks?
- Yeah, definitely. Let's go.
- Do it. Let's go to the pub.
- The pub.
- It's gonna be, what? Lovely?
- Lovely jubbly.
There you go.
It will be nice to find someone
whose bones I want to jump.
- I'm not a big feet fan.
- I got a Guinness World Record for it.
Do you always drink
this much on a first date?
You could be a model.