Sledge Hammer! s02e04 Episode Script

Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
You know, our city shouldn't have meters just for parked cars.
We ought to have them for people loitering on the sidewalk.
People meters, Hammer? What a ridiculous concept! You're the one always saying I ought to be open to new ideas.
Speaking of new ideas, ever tried one of these? They're good.
New from Japan.
- You want one? My treat.
- No.
Thanks, no.
I think you just killed my appetite.
Whoa! Shoot! You can't even have a sushi dog in peace.
Ready to kill something bigger than Doreau's appetite? - Who are you talking to? - Nobody.
- Get off the hood.
Come on.
- I'll get him.
I can't see a thing.
Get him off the hood.
Sledge! I can't believe that sheer will kept you holding on to that car.
It didn't.
My sleeve got caught on the wiper.
Captain, I'd like to state that Sledge's actions were well intentioned.
Hammer, well intentioned? That's like saying Gary Hart is unphotogenic.
But he's not unphotogenic.
Oh, I see.
You're being sarcastic.
All right, listen up.
Our sister precinct, the 33rd, is asking for our help.
One of their detectives was brutally murdered, and they're asking for our assistance in solving the case.
Sir, may I ask exactly how the detective in question was murdered? It says there that Detective Ginsberg was stabbed 17 times in the back.
Maybe it was a suicide.
I mean, he may have been kind of limber, and able to Why doesn't the Captain ever give my theories consideration? You're usually wrong.
You tried to link the Jimmy Hoffa disappearance to the Jackson tour.
Hey, any guy who wears one glove and walks backwards is not to be trusted.
Interesting.
The late Detective Ginsberg and you shared one thing in common.
He openly refused to be partnered with women.
- Ginsberg, like you, was a misogynist.
- Whoa, little lady.
Just because I gave a guy a back rub once does not make me a misogynist.
Sledge, why don't we go to that precinct tomorrow and conduct some interviews? - Meet you here at eight o'clock.
- Good masculine thinking, Doreau! You're losing more and more of your femininity every day.
It's very attractive.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
Try and keep it up.
Inspector Hammer, I'm Officer Elizabeth Jenkins.
You ran into me earlier.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
How's your partner? Aside from the concussions, broken arms and contusions, he's fine.
- Ah.
- As you can see, I'm unharmed.
Oh.
Erm This is my partner, Dori Doreau.
Let me just say, I'm sorry for that little accident this morning.
No apologies are necessary, Inspector.
Your actions were completely justified.
Well, Sledge, looks like you got a fan.
A regular Hammer groupie! Go ahead, belittle the fact that a few people on this force appreciate me for the competency I project.
Shut up.
I don't know about you, but I'm stuffed.
What do you say we take a look at those videos I rented? On Golden Gun.
Peggy Sue Got Murdered.
The Way We Wounded.
Home Video Target Range.
What'll they think of next? 'Shoot me.
'Shoot me.
Shoot me.
Shoot ' Remind me not to rent that again.
It's too expensive.
Thanks for answering promptly.
It was chilly outside.
Uh listen up, lady.
I don't mean to sound rude, but just who in the hell are you? I'm crushed, Inspector.
How many times do we have to meet? Elizabeth Jenkins.
You know, Officer Jenkins.
Oh, yeah, right.
I didn't recognise you without the billy club.
- What do you think you're doing here? - Isn't it obvious? I'm getting ready to cook you dinner.
All right, female, cop or no cop, the playtime is over.
I don't fancy having a strange woman in my kitchen.
If I did, I'd still be married.
Give it up, Sledge.
Don't fight it.
You felt the same thing I did the first time we met.
What? You mean, whiplash? The excitement, the electricity, the impact.
Know what I'm talking about? Sorry, lady.
I tend not to feeI a lot from the neck up.
Oh, Sledge! When I was transferred here a few weeks ago, I thought for certain there wouldn't be a reaI man here on the force.
But that was before I saw you in action.
Jenkins, everybody likes a compliment, but you've taken things way too far.
The last person who invaded my privacy got pistoI-whipped.
FooI should have left the second I agreed to buy those enyclopedias.
- Baby, you can pistoI-whip me any time.
- What is the matter with you, Jenkins? Cops are supposed to use excessive force, not request it.
I want you out pronto.
I got to get up early and meet my partner.
Your partner? That common trollop I encountered at the station? That tramp? Now, that does it.
Nobody berates my partner except me.
The only reason I give her such a hard time is to keep her at a distance.
Vulnerability and law enforcement can be fataI.
I'm willing to risk it.
Can't you get the message? I'm not in the mood.
I'm throwing you out.
No, no, please, baby.
Let me stay.
I want to stay.
I promise I'll be good, or bad, or whatever you want me to be.
I love you.
Love me! Now you've done it.
You just broke a family heirloom.
That lamp had great sentimentaI value.
It electrocuted my grandfather.
I'm so sorry.
Punish me.
Listen, you want me to call the police over here? - But we are the police.
- Don't confuse me.
That's not a bad idea.
I do think the police should join this party.
Help! Help! Inspector Hammer's taking advantage of me.
Help! Are you trying to make my bad reputation worse? Ow! Ow! Jenkins, you're sick.
You need to get help.
- What kind of help? - Help from a qualified professionaI.
Somebody you can talk to, someone who'll listen to you.
Someone who will give you a full frontaI lobotomy.
The only kind of help I need is from you.
Inspector, make love to me.
No way, lady.
My motto is Make War, Not Love.
Take a hike, and we'll forget this evening ever happened.
But I don't want you to forget.
OK, lady, that's a very nice gun.
But I got no time to play "you show me yours and I'll show you mine".
All right, I admit it.
- BeautifuI.
- Thanks.
Not you.
The gun.
That.
38 is a gorgeous weapon.
Don't you understand? I come here to pledge undying allegiance, I would have blindly obeyed any command you gave me.
Stop quoting Oliver North and give me that gun.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
I'm warning you.
Don't try to take it away from me.
I'll shoot.
Promises, promises.
Hey, did I just hear a gunshot? Yeah, it came from Sledge Hammer's apartment.
Oh.
Doreau? What are you doing here this early? I was supposed to meet Sledge at eight.
He's over an hour late.
It's odd.
He's consistently a half-hour late.
He's very punctuaI about that.
I'm worried something happened to him.
Why? Uh Rosebud.
- Hello.
- Oh, I must have the wrong number.
'Are you looking for Inspector Sledge Hammer?' Yes.
Who is this? Officer Elizabeth Jenkins.
I believe I met you yesterday at the station.
'Oh, I see.
' Sle Inspector Hammer was supposed to meet me.
Do you know why he's late? Of course I do.
He's exhausted from the night we spent together.
I doubt Inspector Hammer will be able to be back for days.
By the way, he told me to give you a message.
'Get lost.
' Majoy, you wouldn't believe what happened to me.
Oh, I'd believe it.
It makes me sick to my stomach, you degenerate.
Daley, have you seen that new lady cop, Jenkins? Dang! When it rains, it pours.
Enough persecution.
Doreau, am I glad to see you! I had a nightmare last night, and I was awake.
As you can see, I'm busy.
The Ginsberg case, remember? Wait just a momento.
What is it with everybody? Treating me like the lowest species on earth.
Like I'm the latest Democratic hopefuI.
Everyone's heard about what you supposedly did last night.
They think it's horrible.
I find it surprising and sad.
I honestly thought I knew you better.
So did I.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I've got to find that Jenkins broad.
She's dangerous.
Hammer! In my office, right this second! - That's her! DeviI woman! Dive for cover.
- Hammer! Holster that weapon.
- Your career as a cop just ended today.
- Now, hold off, Captain.
I don't want to hear a sound coming out of that hole in your face.
You've bought it this time.
You have really bought it! Officer Jenkins is levelling charges for sexuaI harassment.
What? That's crazy! The only thing I'm involved with is my gun.
It's strictly a monogamous relationship.
According to this affidavit, she states that you coerced her into your apartment, with the intent of an assignation.
She didn't want an assignation.
She wanted to get it on.
Jenkins is not playing with a full deck.
She ordered me to make love to her at gunpoint.
That's not what I call safe sex.
Look at this.
The crazy broad shot at me.
According to her report, she did that in self-defence.
She is also pressing charges against you for assault.
Assault? Assault? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.
Why, I oughta That's enough.
There's going to be a full departmentaI enquiry into this matter.
This is the most shamefuI occurrence that's ever happened at my precinct.
How could it be worse than the time I busted the visiting Pope for loitering? But this never happened.
Jenkins is a liar.
Why else is she being so quiet? I'm I'm just too distraught.
Why don't you just admit to what you did? Oh Captain, for the first time in my life, I'm innocent.
Hammer, turn your badge in.
You're never again going to cause me pain.
Argh! Ah When someone makes an accusation, the accuser should be able to stand scrutiny.
What are you trying to say? I've worked with Sledge Hammer a long time.
Granted, Sledge is irresponsible, undependable, egotisticaI, insensitive, chauvinistic, sadistic and crueI.
But other than that, he's a terrific guy, and I think your grievances are bogus.
Listen, doll, my three weeks at this precinct have been an ordeaI.
Don't make it any worse.
I shouldn't have transferred from the 33rd.
And you stay the hell away from my locker! You got that? Oh, my God! You're so nosy! - What happened to Dori? - She fainted.
- I'm taking her to get some air.
- What made her faint? She heard Moonlighting wasn't a rerun tonight.
'Arrete! Ta mere dans I'escalier.
' Arret de mer de I'escalier.
'Stop looking at me, or I'll pull your mother down the stairs.
' 'And once again.
Arrete! Ta mere dans I'escalier.
' Yeah.
Hello.
- Hi.
I've got your slut of a partner with me.
Why don't you come over to my house, 1153 Oceanic Drive, and we'll play? Or else! All right, amigo, we're going to teach this broad that breaking up is hard to do.
This never would have happened if you'd been born a man, Doreau.
Look out! Just hold your horses.
Start nagging and I'll leave that thing in your mouth.
Hurry up! Behind you! - Are you insane? - Yes! Ask a stupid question! Jenkins, you need to see a speciaI kind of psychiatrist.
- What kind? - The kind that's licensed to kill patients.
Hammer! Hammer! Ow! Playtime's over.
Unless you want a designer body bag, you'll give yourself up.
Never! Oh, Sledge! Thank God this is finally over.
It may not be over.
- Why do you say that? - Jenkins may have a twin sister.
According to our findings, Jenkins escaped six months ago from a home.
- A home? - That is correct.
Apparently, while there, she became obsessed with TV police shows.
Upon escaping, Jenkins used falsified records to enroI in the police academy.
So after being stationed at the 33rd, she naturally fixated on a cliched, macho cop like Ginsberg.
When he rejected her psychotic advances, she killed him.
That's right.
And then transferred here.
Where another similar murder almost occurred.
Hold it.
You two expect me to believe somebody with serious mentaI problems was able to slip through our screening and become a cop? How could something as obscene as that happen? That's not the question.
The question is, how could it have happened again?