Spin City s02e04 Episode Script

MIKE, UH YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU.
" IT'S JUST HANGING OUT THERE.
NO, NO, NO.
NO, IT'S NOT.
THERE.
IT'S ALL GONE.
DO YOU, MIKE? DO YOU LOVE ME? A LITTLE BIT.
LOOK, MIKE, I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.
I ADORE YOU, BUT I CANNOT MAKE A COMMITMENT TO YOU.
WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME.
WAIT A SECOND.
AM I GETTING DUMPED? YEAH.
I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH.
THIS WAS MY FAVORITE DRESS.
NOW IT'S MY JUST-GOT-DUMPED DRESS.
I CAN'T WEAR THIS AGAIN.
WELL, I WAS THE DUMPER, RIGHT? SO--I GUESS I'M O.
K.
I'D REALLY HATE IT IF YOU DISAPPEARED FROM MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, MIKE.
THINK YOU COULD HANDLE BEING MY FRIEND? OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I COULD HANDLE THAT.
WE COULD, UH-- GO TO A MOVIE SOMETIME.
FRIENDS DO THAT.
DINNER.
FRIENDS DO THAT, TOO.
SOME SEX.
FRIENDS DO THAT A LOT.
MAYBE EVEN TONIGHT.
ARE YOU SURE? OH, YEAH.
LAURIE, I JUST WENT THROUGH A BAD BREAKUP, AND, UH I COULD USE A FRIEND RIGHT NOW.
GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
Everyone: GOOD MORNING.
JANELLE, THIS IS NOT HOW I LIKE MY COFFEE.
I KNOW.
IT'S HOW I LIKE MY COFFEE.
I'M THE MAYOR'S ASSISTANT NOW.
SO I GUESS YOU MAKE HIM COFFEE NOW.
HE DRINKS TANG.
(PHONE RINGS) I GOTTA GET A NEW ASSISTANT.
CAN I GET IT--PLEASE? GO NUTS, PAUL.
THEY'RE SENDING OVER POSSIBLE REPLACEMENTS TODAY.
I'LL BE HAPPY TO-- SCREEN THE APPLICANTS.
I'LL BE HAPPY TO TESTIFY IN THE HARASSMENT SUIT.
HEY, MIKE, YOU WANT TO SERVE STUFFED MUSHROOMS OR CHICKEN FINGERS AT THE MAYOR'S FUNDRAISER TONIGHT? OOH.
SURPRISE ME.
HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING.
HALF MUSHROOMS, HALF FINGERS.
GENIUS.
WANT TO HEAR SOME GOOD GOSSIP? NO GOSSIP DURING THE MORNING MEETING.
YOU KNOW THAT.
BUT IT IS ABOUT SOMEONE WE WORK WITH.
MEETING ADJOURNED.
LET'S HEAR IT.
A RECENTLY DIVORCED MAYOR OF NEW YORK I'M NOT NAMING NAMES I KNOW WHO IT IS.
DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME.
HAS BEEN SEEN IN THE COMPANY OF A YOUNG LADY.
ALL RIGHT.
WHOA.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
FIRST OF ALL, THE MAYOR JUST FINALIZED HIS DIVORCE 2 WEEKS AGO.
THAT WOULD KILL US.
SECOND OF ALL HEY, EVERYBODY.
LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I RAN INTO HIM IN A RESTAURANT.
YOU KNOW HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD? HE JUST CAME UP TO THE TABLE, TOOK MY HAND, AND WE DANCED ALL NIGHT LONG.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE WHEN I MET HIM, SAME THING.
YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS.
WELL, THAT'S MY JOB, ADVISE THE MAYOR, OVERSEE THE STAFF, AND BE PRECIOUS.
JAMES, THIS IS JENNIFER.
THIS IS THE MAYOR'S UH--NIECE.
GIVE HER A QUICK TOUR OF CITY HALL, AND PUT HER IN A CAB HOME PRONTO.
THE MAYOR DOESN'T HAVE BROTHERS OR SISTERS.
A NIECE MEANS DAUGHTER OF A SIBLING.
AND PRONTO MEANS FAST.
HE CAN'T DATE HER.
THE TABLOIDS WOULD KILL US.
DID YOU SEE THAT BODY? YES, I DID.
AND IF I'M LOOKING, YOU KNOW WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? THE STATUE OF LIBERTY, SIR? JENNIFER.
(WHISPERS) DAMN.
AH--IT'S BEEN 29 YEARS SINCE I'VE HAD A FIRST KISS.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING BREAST-FEEDING, SIR.
I FEEL LIKE I'M WALKING ON AIR.
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE MY EXUBERANCE, BUT IT'S NOT EASY MEETING WOMEN WHEN YOU'RE THE MAYOR.
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN GO WHERE ANY NORMAL SINGLE GUY WOULD GO TO MEET GIRLS.
YOU KNOW, POTTERY CLASSES, PRODUCE SECTION, VIETNAM WAR RALLY.
WELL, THOSE ARE STILL THE BIG 3, SIR.
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
I REALLY AM.
IT'S JUST THAT WHEN THE PUBLIC SEES A RECENTLY DIVORCED MAN RUNNING AROUND WITH A WOMAN WHO IS LET'S JUST SAY, FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, YOUNGER THAN HIM, IT MIGHT SEEM INAPPROPRIATE.
YOU KNOW? THEY MIGHT EVEN JUMP TO THE CONCLUSION THAT HE WAS SEEING HER WHILE HE WAS STILL MARRIED.
I WISH.
I COULD PROBABLY FIGURE THIS OUT.
IT'S MY UNUSUALLY CLEVER WAY OF GETTING CLOSE TO YOU.
YEAH? YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU WERE REALLY CLEVER, YOU WOULD HAVE HAD ME TIGHTEN YOUR CUMMERBUND.
DAMN.
VOILA.
WOW.
I AM REALLY GOOD-LOOKING.
DO YOU THINK I'M WITH YOU FOR YOUR PERSONALITY? LAURIE, IF YOU REMEMBER, YOU'RE NOT WITH ME.
WE BROKE UP.
YEAH.
YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU DUMPED ME.
I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I'M ENJOYING IT.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO DUMP ME ONCE MORE BEFORE YOUR LITTLE FUNDRAISER? UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.
I DO, HOWEVER, HAVE TIME TO DANCE.
YOU KNOW, I COULD DO THIS FOREVER.
FOREVER? THAT'S A BIG COMMITMENT.
I THINK I COULD GO TILL THE END OF THE SONG.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU AND COMMITMENT? YOU EVER STOP AND THINK MAYBE THAT MIGHT NOT BE UP TO YOU? YOU CAN'T CONTROL HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SOMEONE? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MEET THAT GUY YOU JUST--YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF, THAT GUY WHO JUST KNOCKS YOU OFF YOUR FEET? WELL, IF THAT GUY COMES ALONG, I'LL HAVE TO CHANGE MY TUNE.
I'M--I'M SORRY.
NO, NO.
I DIDN'T MEAN ME.
I MEANT SOME GUY IN THE FUTURE.
FUTURE GUY.
HE'LL PICK YOU UP WITH HIS JET PACK.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
LOOK, IT'S MY FAULT.
O.
K.
? I MEAN, ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T READY TO LOVE SOMEONE, AND NOW I REALIZE, YOU JUST YOU JUST DON'T LOVE ME.
MIKE, UM DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME.
O.
K.
? AND DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.
DON'T FEEL SORRY AND DON'T LOOK AT ME.
DON'T FEEL, DON'T LOOK.
AND DON'T GO.
MIND IF I GET IN? OH, NO, SURE.
YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL, THOUGH.
THE CAR SEEMS TO BE SPINNING UNCONTROLLABLY.
ARE YOU O.
K.
, MIKE? OH, YEAH.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THEY CALL THIS A WET BAR.
WELL, THERE YOU GO.
HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.
ME, TOO.
YOU'RE JUST BOPPING ALONG, AND SUDDENLY EVERYTHING GETS SO COMPLICATED.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS, I WAS JUST BOPPING ALONG, TOO.
YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU'RE MEANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE, AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN? LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENS AND IT'S MAGIC, AND THEN IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BIGGER.
AND YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T DO SOMETHING, BUT YOU CAN'T STOP YOURSELF.
O.
K.
, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I KNOW IT'S WRONG, BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE SO CUTE.
OH, THAT'S THE TUX.
THAT'S THE TUX AND THE LIMO.
YEAH, AND A LITTLE BIT OF THIS.
SEE? YOU'RE FUNNY, YOU'RE SMART.
YOU'RE JUST THE TYPE OF GUY I COULD FALL FOR.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
ALL DAY? A MINUTE, HUH? MUST MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES.
DO YOU HAVE A MANUAL TYPEWRITER? NO.
SO YOU FIX 'EM.
APPLICANT DISRESPECTFUL TO SUPERIOR.
WELL, MISS SPEEDY FINGERS, IT SAYS HERE YOU WERE LET GO FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC WORKS.
THAT'S STRIKE 2.
WE WERE DOWNSIZED.
HERE, A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FROM MY EX-BOSS.
"STACEY PATERNO IS THE BEST SECRETARY I'VE EVER HAD.
" WE'LL HAVE THIS AUTHENTICATED.
HERE'S ONE FROM AL PACINO.
YOU HAVE A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FROM AL PACINO? HE'S FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
MY SISTER FOOLED AROUND WITH HIS MECHANIC.
SHE IS SO LUCKY.
I LOVED HIM IN SCENT OF A WOMAN.
HOO-AH! YEAH.
HOO-AH! HOO-AH! YEAH, YEAH, THAT NEVER GETS OLD.
NOW ABOUT THE JOB.
LOOK AT THE TIME.
ONE MINUTE AFTER 7:00.
I'M SORRY.
WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO INTERVIEW ANYBODY AFTER 7:00.
UNION RULES.
CALL TOMORROW, SET UP AN APPOINTMENT.
WHO DO I CALL? WELL, THAT WOULD BE ME.
IF I'M GONNA CALL YOU, WHY CAN'T I SET IT NOW? BECAUSE IT'S AFTER 7:00.
APPLICANT SLOW TO LEARN.
WHY, THIS IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
WELL, I JUST STOPPED BY TO SAY "HI.
" AND "BYE".
MIKE, MY BOY, I AM SMITTEN.
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH? EARRING.
FOR LUCK.
I DON'T THINK IT'S THAT BAD.
I REALLY DON'T.
SHE WAS THE AGGRESSOR.
YOU FENDED HER OFF.
I MAY HAVE SLIGHTLY EXAGGERATED THE FENDING OFF PART OF THE STORY.
IT WAS AN INNOCENT KISS.
AS LONG AS YOUR TONGUE DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR MOUTH AREA, I THINK YOU'RE SAFE.
OH, MIKE.
I'VE OVER-THOUGHT THIS THING.
YOU HAVE A GREAT INSTINCT FOR THIS STUFF.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
I SWEAR TO YOU I WILL DO IT.
FINE.
TELL THE MAYOR THE TRUTH.
WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? THAT WOULD CRUSH HIM.
I COULDN'T LIVE WITH THE GUILT.
I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU'RE HORRIBLE AT THIS.
WELL, I DO HAVE ANOTHER IDEA, BUT IT'S A LITTLE FARFETCHED.
I DON'T CARE.
I'M DESPERATE.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR HANDS ON A TIME MACHINE.
IF I HAVE TO, I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN WITH ME.
I'M JUST HAVING HORRIBLE LUCK WITH WOMEN THESE DAYS.
COME ON.
YOU WERE TIPSY, YOU WERE VULNERABLE.
IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE.
YEAH, WELL, IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU.
WELL, IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M MORAL.
IT'S BECAUSE I'M GAY.
WHY CAN'T I BE GAY? WELL, LET'S START WITH YOUR SHOES.
WHY, PAUL? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? BECAUSE WHEN I AM BEHIND THIS DESK, I'M IN THE LOOP.
I LIKE THE LOOP.
HOW DOES MIKE FEEL ABOUT IT? I DON'T KNOW.
BUT YOU'D HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME TO FIND OUT.
OH, MR.
LASSITER, IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
DON'T BOTHER, SWEETHEART.
THE JOB'S BEEN FILLED.
BUT THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE! YES, IT IS.
OH, PLEASE, DON'T HANDLE THE FIGURINES.
I WAS THE FIRST ONE HERE TODAY AND THE LAST ONE LAST NIGHT.
NO ONE COULD GET IN.
PEOPLE SNEAK IN.
SO, WHAT'S SHE LIKE? WHO? THE NEW ASSISTANT.
IS SHE SMARTER THAN ME? CUTER CLOTHES? IT'S A HE.
AND HE'S QUITE THE LOOKER.
JANELLE.
YOU THINK THERE'S ANY WAY YOU CAN FIND ME A GOOD FLORIST HERE IN NEW YORK CITY? I'M ALMOST SURE OF IT, SIR.
SHE'S A MIRACLE WORKER.
I APPRECIATE YOU BOYS COMING UP HERE.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE DONE ANY COURTING.
AFRAID I'M A LITTLE RUSTY.
UH--FOR STARTERS, SIR, YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO CALL IT "COURTING.
" ALL RIGHT, THEN.
WHAT AM I DOING? I'D SAY YOU'RE TRYING TO GET SOME.
WELL, HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN I'VE UM GOT IT? OH--YOU'LL KNOW.
YEAH.
JAMES, IS IT POLITICALLY CORRECT NOWADAYS TO ASK A WOMAN YOU'VE JUST MET OUT TO DINNER? DINNER CAN BE CONSIDERED A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE.
SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO TAKE HER FOR DRINKS.
I AGREE WITH JAMES.
GET HER TIPSY.
KNOCKS DOWN HER DEFENSES.
STUART, HE'S THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK.
I'M SURE HE CAN GET WOMEN WITHOUT RENDERING THEM UNCONSCIOUS.
NOT IF HE LISTENS TO YOU, CAPTAIN "NO RAP.
" (STUART AND JAMES ARGUING) JANELLE, HOW ARE WE DOING ON THOSE FLOWERS? (BEEPING) YOU HAVE NO MESSAGES.
NO MESSAGES.
NO MESSAGES.
NO MESSAGES.
NO MESSAGES.
NO UM, MIKE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED.
I HAD TO SEE YOU.
YOU KNOW, NOTHING CAN HAPPEN BETWEEN US.
O.
K.
? I THINK I MADE THAT QUITE CLEAR IN MY FAX.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE A HARDER TIME SAYING NO TO MY FACE.
UH--THOSE AREN'T YOUR FACE.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) MIKE, IT'S LAURIE.
OH.
DOESN'T ANYBODY CALL ANYMORE? YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHY I HAVE NO MESSAGES.
DO ME A FAVOR.
HIDE.
O.
K.
? HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
HEY.
I CAME BY TO GET MY STUFF.
UH--COULD I JUST MAIL THAT TO YOU? IT'S UH--REALLY GREAT TO SEE YOU.
OH, I FORGOT MY TOOTHBRUSH.
YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS? IT'S IN THE NIGHTSTAND.
IS THIS IT? I'M REALLY SORRY IT HAD TO END LIKE THIS.
ME, TOO.
O.
K.
, THIS IS NOT MY TOOTHBRUSH.
HI.
IS THAT IT? I CAN'T BELIEVE I SPENT THE LAST 24 HOURS FEELING MISERABLE ABOUT WHAT I DID TO YOU.
APPARENTLY I COULD'VE BEEN DATING, TOO.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) MIKE, IT'S THE MAYOR! MAYOR WINSTON? WHY WOULDN'T IT BE? I NEED SOME ADVICE.
JENNIFER WON'T RETURN MY PHONE CALLS.
IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU WOMEN TO PICK UP THE PHONE? LOOK, LAURIE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLEAR, MIKE.
OH, MISS PARRES.
MIKE, YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTS.
JUST ON MY WAY OUT TO BUY SOME, SIR.
WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME? MIKE, IT'S O.
K.
I DON'T WANT TO HIDE THIS ANY LONGER.
OH, LORD, HERE GOES THE COAT AGAIN.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, CAN I HAVE A MINUTE OF YOUR TIME? SURE, OF COURSE, I'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
COME IN.
SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? HOW YA DOIN'? LOOK, I KNOW THAT I APOLOGIZED TO YOU LAST NIGHT, BUT I THOUGHT, HECK, I SHOULD DO IT ONCE WITH MY PANTS ON.
APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT? I DIDN'T LEAVE THE MANSION LAST NIGHT.
JUST WANT TO PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN? PRETEND WHAT DIDN'T HAPPEN, MIKE? GOD, I LOVE BEING A GUY.
YOU KNOW, MIKE, THEY'RE CLOSING THE LAST WOOLWORTH'S HERE IN THE CITY.
TO FLOCK TO THAT STORE.
THEY DON'T THINK IT'S FLASHY ENOUGH.
IT'S TOO OLD-FASHIONED.
IT'S OBSOLETE.
I DROVE BY A WOOLWORTH'S LAST WEEK.
THERE WERE A LOT OF LADIES CLAMORING TO GET IN.
BLUE HAIRS, MIKE.
THEY'RE THERE TO BUY YARN.
WOOLWORTH'S IS A CLASSIC.
AND QUALITY NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE.
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, ANY WOMAN WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT, SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED IN THE STORE.
BUT THAT STORE WAS MARRIED TO ONE CUSTOMER FOR 25 YEARS, AND THEN THIS NEW CUSTOMER UHWAS THE FIRST SHOPPER TO UH AH, TO HELL WITH IT, MIKE, I'M TALKING ABOUT ME.
I FIGURED THAT, SIR.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE THE UNDISPUTED KING OF THE METAPHOR.
A CRUMBLING BRICK BUILDING.
I WAS JUST TOO OLD FOR HER, MIKE.
SIR, YOU'RE NOT OLD.
YOU'RE MATURE.
TCH! AND WOMEN LOVE MATURE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE TOLD ME TO COME BACK WHEN I'M MATURE? LOOK, SIR, I I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM FOR WHAT I DID.
I FORGIVE YOU, MIKE.
BESIDES, I'M ALREADY OVER HER.
THANK YOU, MR.
MAYOR.
(STIFLING SOBS) THAT'S WHAT SHE USED TO CALL ME.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) MR.
FLAHERTY? I'M HERE TO INTERVIEW FOR THE ASSISTANT POSITION.
I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO PRESUMPTUOUS, BUT I MADE YOU A CUP OF COFFEE.
THANK YOU STACEY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW HOT IT IS, THOUGH.
I'VE BEEN GOING DOOR TO DOOR LOOKING FOR YOU.
PEOPLE IN THIS BUILDING ARE SO NICE.
THIS IS THE MAYOR MAYOR RANDALL WINSTON.
WOW! YOU ARE SO HANDSOME IN PERSON! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER IS GONNA DIE WHEN I TELL HER WE MET.
SHE HAS A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU.
WELL, SHE'S PROBABLY AN OLDER WOMAN.
NO! SHE'S 38! SHE HAS YOU ON HER WALL OF FAME BETWEEN STING AND MEL GIBSON.
WELL, THAT'S AMAZING.
MIKE, WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE? ELVIS AND BOGART, SIR.
WELL, HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID.
O.
K.
, STOP NOW, I'M GONNA BLUSH.
MIKE, WHO IS THIS CHARMING WOMAN HERE? SIR, THIS IS MY NEW ASSISTANT.
YOU ARE SO HIRED.
THANK YOU.
MIKE AND I TALKED, AND I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO BE SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE.
SO I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
WOW! WE'RE REALLY GONNA MISS YOU.
(WHISPERING) I'll still see you.
NO.
YOU WON'T.
LISTEN, CAN YOU GUYS TELL MIKE THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY WHEN I'M LOOKING FOR THE SAME THINGS HE IS-- WE CAN'T DO THAT.
HE'D BE CLINGING TO STRINGS.
YEAH, I GUESS NOT.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, LAURIE, WERE YOU YEAH, YEAH, I WAS, BUT I GOTTA GO.
O.
K.
SEE YOU AROUND.
I'LL SEE YOU.
WELL, THAT WENT WELL.
DID SHE MENTION ME AT ALL? 'CAUSE EVEN IF SHE JUST TALKED ABOUT ME A LITTLE BIT THAT MEANS I STILL GOT A SHOT.
SO DID SHE? SORRY, MIKE.
YOU DIDN'T COME UP.
Man: SIT, UBU, SIT.
GOOD DOG.
(BARKING) MOO.