Strangers with Candy (1999) s02e04 Episode Script

1
[CHUCKLING]
Way to go,
Mr. Pinatubo!
You two are like a
couple of chimps!
We're gonna be hard to
beat at this year's
Inter-School
Father-Student Race.
[HORN HONKING]
Suck my d-[HONK],
you mangy dogs!
Damn those
Mount Valley Rabid Dogs!
They beat us every year,
but not this year!
Uh-huh.
Great sack, Orlando!
Yeah, my father
bought it for me.
Looks like you can
use a new one.
I'm sure my daddy
will get me a new sack.
Where's your dad, Jerri?
Aren't you two
suppose to practice?
He's not here yet.
Again, Jerri?
He'll show up.
Unless he got
run down by a truck.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Daddy!
Daddy's here!
Oh Daddy, I know we haven't
spent much time together lately,
what with you working so hard
and me running away
for 32 years,
but all that's gonna
change with this race!
Boy, I'm thirsty
I'm gonna go get a hot dog.
Why don't you practice
hopping around by yourself.
Whew!
Hey, give me a Diablo Dog,
drag it through the salt,
and don't be stingy
with the bacon bits
Today!
Gee, I uh
I'm fresh out of cash
I wonder how
I'll pay you for this?
[TIRES SCREECHING,
HORN HONKING]
Daddy!
Oh!
[DOGS BARKING]
Daddy!
Daddy, nooooooooooo!
[KIDS YELLING]
Hello, I'm Jerri Blank.
32 years ago I dropped
out of high school
and ran away from home.
Oh, I made a lot of friends,
did a lot of time.
I was a boozer,
a user, and a loser.
I stole the TV.
Did some more time.
But now I'm back in school!
And though the faces
may have changed
The hassles are just the same.
Mrs. Blank, kids.
Ah, Doctor, I hope you have some
good news about my husband.
This is the hardest
part of my job.
I've done it a thousand times
and it just
keeps getting easier.
What's left of your
husband is dead.
Oh my
[PHONE RINGING]
Yyyello?
Yeah, this is he.
What!?
That's impossible!
Yes, that's nothing
short of a miracle!
Ohhh!
The Mustangs won!
I had a lot of money down.
Now where were we?
Oh, right uh,
your husband is dead.
And what are the odds
he might recover?
A million to zero, Jerri.
Your father is gone.
Well, he's got to recover!
This was our time
to get to know each other.
The only thing you need to know
is that he's dead.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Doctor, can't you fix my daddy?
Little girl, I wish I could.
Your father was dead on arrival.
No matter what I did
he just kept getting deader.
Well, maybe there's a mistake.
Jerri, I I may not
know how to cure people,
but I do know death
when I see it.
I ought to
I'm an orthodontist.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN:
I can't wait to go head-to-head
with Mount Valley
in the sack race.
Oh, I can just taste
that Golden Sack.
It's gonna fit nicely
in my trophy case.
You know, speaking of
Mount Valley,
evidently, Jerri Blank's father
was eaten by a pack
of rabid dogs.
For some reason
she's not taking it well.
What!?
I hope that grieving student
had the good sense
to keep it to herself.
We need our school spirit!
Cassie, you're our
student counselor,
what do you think?
Well, naturally,
as student counselor,
my first responsibility
is to the teachers.
I think they're
going to be O.K.
Well, good, but keep an
eye on the situation.
I don't want
my students worried about
whose daddy is going
to drop next.
Grief is the sort of thing
that spreads like
V.D. at summer camp.
Why can't these things
happen over the break?
Damn, my boys are cooking!
[SIZZLE]
Ahhh
Poor Jerri, what must it
be like to lose your father?
Oh hey, kids, how are ya doing?
And how am I?
You look okay.
No, I'm just putting up
a brave shell.
It's just you know.
This whole thing is making me
think about my daddy
and when he
Dropped me off today we were
talking about his father
My grand dad and how upset
he is about his father,
my great-grand papa.
Evidently he
isn't doing so well.
He's getting so old.
It's okay,
Mr. Jellineck.
No!
I am gonna feel these feelings!
Hi, everybody!
Oh hey, Jerri, we were
just talking about me.
Oh, and how are you doing?
How do I look?
Jerri, I want you to know
that when you experience loss,
it's important to feel.
Grieve, Jerri,
it's O.K.
I am grieving.
No
This this is grieving.
Right.
Say, Orlando, do you
want to come with me?
I have to sign up for the
Father/Student Sack Race.
I don't mean to
seem insensitive,
but wasn't your father
torn to shreds by wild dogs?
But he promised me that we'd
spend some more time together.
Jerri, you're in denial.
Your daddy is dead.
[PAINED GASPS]
Maybe I am in denial.
Unless, of course
He's alive!
Oh, uh, Principal Blackman!
What brings you to
our celebratory wake?
My mother prepared
this jello mold,
it would mean a lot
to her if you ate it.
I'll put it with
the other jellos.
[SQUISH]
I just wanted to say
I'm really admiring
the way Jerri has been
ignoring this whole business.
Thank you for your lovely
sentiments, Mr. Blackman,
but I should tell you
that Guy's last wish
was that no
darkies attend his wake.
I understand.
I knew you would.
My God, Geoffrey,
pull yourself together.
Hey, they've got chow.
How can you think about food
when I'm in this much pain?
This is how I deal with
your grief, Geoffrey, I eat.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go
discuss your sadness
with that pork loin.
Hey!!
You did a wonderful
job on my guy.
Oh, he was definitely
a challenge.
When I got him, he looked like
a blind man's jack-o'-lantern.
So I took a deep breath,
grabbed a tub of putty
and a trowel,
and from there
It was simply Sharpei!
Sharpei!
Jerri!
What are you doing here alone?
Just mending my sack
for the big race.
Listen to me, Jerri
I was just pawing at your
dead father a moment ago,
and it really helped.
You know, I think
I saw him today.
He was waiting for a bus
and I screamed,
"Daddy, Daddy,
you're not dead!"
But I think he had
to go somewhere,
because he ran away really fast.
Jerri!
Most of your daddy is
in the belly of a dog.
If I could accept
your father's death
why can't you?
Gotta finish this sack
Would you take one, Tammi
Can I get some gravy
for these potatoes?
They're a little dry.
Shhh!
Well, they are!
I can't do this.
I shan't.
You can, you must.
No!
No
Oh, the skin
It's so cold and scaly.
The veins are like earthworms
battling for attention.
The claws, they're
Oh, that's my hand.
It's just a little dry.
Oh Daddy!
Daddy, you're dead!
And now I'll never
really know you!
[APPLAUSE]
Hmmm
Oh
Ahhh
These don't tell me
anything about him.
[OPERA MUSIC PLAYS]
[CLICK]
[HISS]
[POP]
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Ha ha!
Thanks.
As you can see,
throughout history
what the clown does
is he takes something tragic
such as
Jerri, you're late.
I hope you have a good excuse.
My daddy died.
Whose didn't, Jerri?
Have a seat.
We were just talking about
mirth and merriment.
[WHOOPEE CUSHION BURP]
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Ha ha!
The classic harlequin clown
was the mischievous trickster,
always stirring up the pot.
Now I'm sure you've all had
some pretty amusing
experiences with clowns.
Anyone care to share one?
There was this one time
I was going to the
Annual Dance dance,
the theme that year was dancing,
and my daddy was gonna chaperone
but he had to work late.
The point is he never showed up,
and now he's never gonna.
Okay, anybody else
care to share?
Maybe a story involving clowns?
This one time,
Daddy and I went to the circus,
and just when we entered
the big top,
this guy wire came loose and
snapped around like a bull whip
slicing this one clown,
Boggles, in two.
And just before he died,
his top half said,
"let me see
my wife and children."
Life's like that
One moment you're
planning on spending
some quality time
with your daddy,
and the next minute you're
watching two small dead clowns.
Jerri, can I see you
in the hallway please?
[SHOE BELLS JINGLING]
Listen, Jerri.
Students look forward to
my clown class all year long
and I don't appreciate
you coming in there
and pissing all over my glee.
Now I know you're upset,
but it's been two days.
You need to move on.
I can't move on,
my daddy's dead,
and I'll never get to know him.
Never!
I know you've lost your father,
but everybody has lost a father.
Oh, have you lost your father?
No, don't even joke about that!
My daddy will never die!
Do you hear me, God?!
Never!
Then how could you know
what I'm going through?
Look, Jerri, I'm not
gonna argue with you
I'm not dressed for it.
Now I don't want
you back in my class
Until
Until what?
I don't want you
back in my class.
I'm sad.
Good Lord!
Is this where they eat?!
Tell me this is some sort of
holding cell for miscreants.
Blank, because of your recent
outburst in Noblet's class,
I'd like for you to
have a little chat
with our student counselor,
Ms. Pines.
Cassie, do your thing!
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
So, Jerri, I understand
you have a little problem.
If by little you mean
my dead daddy, then yeah,
I guess it's tiny.
You know, thousands of people
are devoured by
high school mascots every day.
Is that true?
Probably.
I don't know.
No.
Okay, I'm gonna say this quickly
because I'm starting
to fade, here.
Granted, you may never
jump in a sack
with your father again.
But that doesn't mean you
can't get to know him.
Go home.
Find out about him.
I already did try to
find out about him.
I suppose the key words in my
last statement were "go home."
Are you bored?
God, I'm bored.
I should have brought a book.
Well, what would you do
if your daddy died?
Hey!
You'd love that, wouldn't you?!
Just because your dad was
killed in some freak accident
nobody can have one?
I'll tell ya somethin':
My daddy's alive
and yours is dead,
and ain't nothin'
gonna change that!
I better go call him.
Daddy who are you?
Where's my team, Noblet?
Where's my team?!
It's almost race time
and my boys
are starting to sweat.
Where are they, Noblet!?
I don't know Do you
think my dad's okay?
I don't care!
Well, look who decided
to cut it close.
Get in the sacks
Where's your fathers?
Our fathers didn't come.
We and the rest of the kids
decided not to race.
What?!
Noblet, tell me what
my ears are hearing!
I don't know.
Principal Blackman, in light
of what happened to Jerri Blank
we feel it would be
insensitive to be in this race.
Damn those dogs!
Hello, dead Daddy.
There's so much left unknown.
Who were you?
Did you love me?
What was going through your head
as those rabid dogs
gnawed on it?
Did you see me
eatin' the hot dog?
Maybe the answers are here.
Daddy's closet.
Oh my God!
I never knew he golfed.
But so what.
Who were you,
and did ya love me?
I guess I'll never know.
Wha what's this?
"Blah blah, Jerri
Love, Daddy."
A new sack!
That's who you were:
A father who loved
his little girl.
So what's the 411, Onyx?
Are we gonna run this race or
are you planning to forfeit?
I'll take that Golden Sack
anyway I can get it.
You keep your hands
off of my sack!
You have five minutes, or
I'll have to call a forfeit.
Noblet!
Hop in this sack
and call me Daddy!
I don't know.
We're doomed!
Damn those dogs!
Look!
Principal Blackman,
I'm back in the race!
Don't be silly, Blank.
It's a father/student race.
You're the only student
at Flatpoint
who doesn't have a father!
Oh yes I do!
And it's a father who loves me!
Hey, what is this!
This is crap!
Let the hopping begin!
Yes!
Let's do this, Daddy!
Go!
Go!
Get up!
Bigger steps!
Get up!
Go!
Yes!
You did it, Jerri!
Yes!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Hold on.
I'm afraid you've
been disqualified.
But why?!
We clearly won!
According to section three,
paragraph 4 of the rule book,
50% of the parent must
cross the finish line.
Looks like you've left about
75% of Daddy on the track.
The trophy goes to Mount Valley!
Ahhhhh!
Woof woof woof!!!
Stupid!
That's okay, Blank.
You did your best.
You know something, chief,
I may not have won the trophy,
but I learned something
a lot more valuable.
You never really
lose your parents
unless of course they die,
and then they're gone forever
and nothing will bring
them back.
Right, Daddy?
See, no response.
That was a bold ramble
to come from such
a loser, Jerri Blank,
bold.
[SLOW PROM-LIKE MUSIC]
[FUNKY DANCE MUSIC]