SurrealEstate (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1
Previously on SurrealEstate.
Thank you for making
my world so much bigger.
Hey! Luke.
I got my license today.
Well, that's great! Congratulations.
House, unlock the door!
House!
[SCREAM]
Luke, if you could still do what
you used to do, we wouldn't be here.
I'm always telling you to find
a better work-life balance.
This isn't about balance. This is about
getting out of here
and reassessing my life.
[OPENING THEME FADES OUT]
[CREEPY SCORE]
[ANIMAL HOOTING]
[LAUGHS]
You have to relax. I'm
just taking the shortcut.
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
Nah, it's perfectly fine.
The biggest thing in
these woods is a raccoon.
There's no bears or wolves.
No, all the chainsaw
murderers are still at camp.
What're you even Hang on.
Nothing.
[BRANCHES BREAKING]
Look, I'll be home in
ten or so. Okay, bye.
[INDISTINCT WOMAN'S VOICE ECHOING]
Hello?
[INDISTINCT WOMAN'S VOICE ECHOING]
[INDISTINCT WOMAN'S VOICE ECHOING]
[OPENING THEME]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- [GRUNT]
[SCREAMING]
[MAN SCREAMING]
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[SIGHING]
Mm
House, call the condescending,
unappreciative jerk.
- Calling Luke Roman.
- [LINE TRILLING]
Don't pick up. Voicemail,
voicemail, voicemail.
[PIANO MUSIC FADES OUT]
You've reached Luke Roman.
I'm sorry I missed your call.
- Please leave a message.
- [ANSWERING MACHINE TONE]
Luke! Oh, darn. I was
hoping to talk to you.
I just wanted to let you
know that I'm going to need
a few more days away from the office.
I'll be sending you the contracts
on Bouvier, Santos and Padgett.
They're easy closings,
clean titles, approved loans,
you won't have any problems.
The Dunn-Herberts are
doing their usual dance.
It's probably a good
teaching moment for Zooey.
I'm dealing with some personal business,
so I'm not sure when I'll
be back in the office,
but seeing as nothing ever changes
at the perfect Roman Agency,
I'm sure you have
everything well in hand.
- Toodles.
- [CALL DISCONNECTING BEEPS]
[GIGGLING]
Hm.
The "toodles" was a bit much.
[HOUSE] It was a nice touch.
Cordial, yet dismissive.
Yeah. That's what I was going for.
Would you like some tea?
Yes.
- Yes, I would.
- [DEVICE CHIMES]
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[CONTENTED SIGH]
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
- Toodles?
- [GENTLE SCORE]
It's a hell of a house.
Yeah, built in 1893, historic, solid.
- Can't wait to bulldoze it.
- Well, you need to buy it first.
It's only polite.
As you can see, the
property line starts here.
The creek is on your
side. Plenty of room to
- What's that?
- Well, that is the lot
next to yours. It's just a
small place, barely a cottage.
- How much?
- I
I don't know if it's listed for sale.
If I own that lot,
I don't need to worry
about the easements.
I could build the pool area over here
and put the tennis court over here.
And the guest house
could be way over here,
so I'd hardly ever need to interact
with visiting relatives.
I don't even know if you'd see them.
Oh, yeah!
We'll reach out and get a price.
Don't worry about the price. Buy it.
Maybe we should close
on this property first,
- you know, get the ball rolling.
- We're going to do both deals at once.
I could never enjoy this lot
knowing that I can't have that lot.
That's just me.
All or nothing.
I'm gonna call my architect.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GENTLE SCORE CONTINUES]
[DARKER SCORE]
[HIGH-PITCHED EERIE TONE]
[EERIE SCORE]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
The house and underlying dirt
are owned by an
offshore holding company.
The only point of contact
is a law firm in Budapest.
Swell.
I reached out and left a message.
Yeah, we're not liking the odds
that we're going to
hear back anytime soon.
So, we have one sale
contingent on two properties.
This cabin in the woods is
creating more drama than the
- million dollar property.
- Mm-hm. Life is funny.
You know, I could have
sworn there was something
in that house, watching me.
You think maybe it was your, um
your mojo coming back?
Ah! Maybe it's growing
back, like a starfish leg.
No. Just old-fashioned paranoia.
You all set for today?
- Mm-hm.
- What's today?
I am taking my first
couple to look at houses.
Susan's taking her personal
days and I am covering.
Aw. Who's the victim? I
mean, who's the client?
[MOCKING] Aw, who's the victim.
The Dunn-Herberts. Lara and Freya.
[LAUGHING]
[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
What?
[LUKE] The Dunn-Herberts
are our locally sourced
organic vegan lookie-loos.
[PHIL] They shop,
they kvetch and they never buy.
[SCORE ENDS]
Have fun.
Great. [SHUDDERING SIGH]
[DRAMATIC BOOMS]
Oh, my God. You did not do them justice.
This is like an Oscar Wilde
play about mistaken identity.
They're pretending to shop for a house
and I'm pretending this isn't
a complete waste of my time.
- Well, Susan felt the same way.
- When?
- Did you talk to her?
- Naw,
this was the last time Lara and Freya
took her for a spin.
Don't you think maybe
you should check in?
With Susan?
I'll see her at the charity
bowling thing this weekend.
Oh, right?
That's, like, mandatory, right?
You're an agent now.
It's part of the deal.
Yeah, just testing the
fence for weak spots.
Like a velociraptor.
Anything back from the
lawyers in Budapest?
It's been, like, half a day.
I don't want to be a 'pesht'.
- Oh, I see what you did there.
- [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]
- [ZOOEY LAUGHS, SIGHS]
- I kill me.
[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
Oops. I gotta go be a receptionist.
Bye.
So
how much do we love it?
May I help you?
"Please call me.
You're about to win the lottery."
Oh!
You are the cabin in the woods!
I live in the house in the woods.
And I don't play the lottery.
I was being a little clever.
Very little.
Could we, uh, go in here and talk?
Now, why would we do that?
Well, if you leave, you'll never know.
[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE CONTINUES]
- [BUZZING FROM SPEAKER]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
[BUZZING]
This all looks so science-y.
Hm. Vic Tandy,
a British engineer with
an interest in the occult,
experimented with infrasound,
or low frequency sound.
Less than 2Ohz. 18.5 to be exact.
Some called it the spirit frequency.
- [GENTLE SCORE]
- How's it work?
Well, he theorized that sending
vibrations out at that frequency
might start a dialogue with
God knows what.
So, this disk can be used
like a cochlear implant:
If something extra-normal reaches out
it should vibrate your cochlear nerve.
And start a dialogue.
So, if Luke wears this thing,
he'll have his Luke tingle back?
Well, I'm not certain
that it will enable him
to communicate verbally,
but it should enable
a certain intuition.
- Mm.
- The sense of a presence.
[SHARP INHALE]
Can we agree to never use the term
"Luke tingle" again?
Yeah, let's. Mind if I
take it for a test drive?
Be my guest.
[HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING]
Kinda tingly.
- [CACOPHONY]
- Ow! Damn!
- Wait, what's wrong?
- Oh!
It went batshit crazy,
like an explosion of noises.
Really?
Ohh!
Oh, whoa.
So, that is what we are looking at.
- Hm.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
Your running dog capitalist lackey
wants to buy my idyllic
cottage in the pastoral woods
and tear it down for his tennis courts.
Well, don't forget about
the pool and the guest house.
Yes. His desire to avoid
his relatives is so far
the only endearing thing about him.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Um, so, uh
[INTRIGUING SCORE]
what do you say?
No.
Kay. Kay?
Kay. [CLEARS THROAT]
I'm going to go way out
here on a limb ethically
and confide in you that
my client has way more
money than sense. He will
overpay for your property
to an alarming degree.
Oh.
Lucky, lucky me.
You didn't have to come here.
All I did was drop off a
not-so-clever business card.
You could have let
it go, but you didn't.
Fair enough.
Well, we could talk about this over
I don't know dinner?
I do have to eat. Occasionally.
- How about tonight? I could
- I have plans tonight.
Tomorrow?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
My nights are full and rich,
so I like to eat early.
Maybe Friday?
Pick me up at my priceless
house around seven.
Okay.
- [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]
- [DOORS OPEN]
- Hm.
- [AUGUST] Who was that?
Luke?
Oh, just a homeowner.
I think you need to watch her.
Closely.
That's my plan.
[SCORE CRESCENDOS, FADES OUT]
[COYOTES HOWLING]
I think you're being a hamster.
Just because I won't lie for you?
It's hardly even a lie! If my mom calls,
just tell her I'm staying
with you that night!
I've stayed at your place lots of times!
And what if she wants to speak to you?
Then tell her I'm I'm in the shower!
Or I'm out by the pool
giving cardiac massage
to a drowning nun!
- Dude, work with me!
- [OMINOUS SCORE]
If my parents find out,
there's gonna be trouble.
They already don't like
Bruno?
Bruno?
Come on, Bru, quit screwing around!
Very funny. C'mon, let's
[UNINTELLIGIBLE TALKING]
[SCREAMING]
Bruno!
[ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME]
- [OMINOUS SCORE FADES OUT]
- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE FADS IN]
Well, she said no. But in real estate,
"no" is where we start not where we end.
I'm sure that looks great
on a motivational poster
but it only pisses me off.
Listen, I'm having dinner
with the homeowner
on Friday night, so
Well, that's great, Luke.
Take her out to dinner, order some wine.
Hell, sleep with her if you have to,
but get me that property.
I'll do my best.
[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE FADES OUT]
[NEWS ANNOUNCER] and
the recent disappearance
to a tragic incident
two and half years ago
when the bodies of four teens were found
- completely drained of blood.
- [DOOR OPENING]
Police sources have neither
- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
- Ladies!
Hi!
Tantalize me, Zooey. What
are we going to see today?
Tantalize me, Freya.
Is there a world in which you
two actually buy something?
You do know that real estate agents
only make money off of sales
and wasting an agent's time if you have
zero intention of buying is
the moral equivalent of
I don't know robbing a liquor store?
I hope we find something perfect.
Something to die for.
I hope we fall in love at first sight.
I hope we find something so perfect
that my checkbook leaps out of my purse
and writes an earnest money deposit
before I can stop it!
But probably not.
No.
[EXHALES] It's okay.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
[LUKE] Miranda, our client
is willing to drop 15 grand
off the price to repair the roof
but there's nothing
wrong with the floors.
Of course! And your people are welcome
to carpet over it when it's theirs!
It's unreasonable to
expect us to pay for them.
No, no, no, no, no. Those
maple floors are gorgeous.
Carpeting over them would
be an act of vandalism.
We're not going to
subsidize their bad choices.
Tell them about the 15
grand for the roof and then
tell them horror stories
about dust mites and mold.
Scare their children
and then call me back.
Okay, bye.
When there was only one set
of footprints in the carpet,
that's when you were carrying me.
What's up?
Tell me about that client
who was in yesterday.
Not really a client. She
owns one of the properties
Erik Toft wants to buy.
- What do you know about her?
- Not much.
Kay Bozer. She got an edge to her.
No bullshit.
Kind of refreshing.
When she was in the office, she
affected one of my devices.
[GENTLE SCORE]
What do you mean?
It operates at a certain frequency
that is sensitive to certain phenomena.
It could be a coincidence, but
the device operated properly
again the moment she left.
Will you be, uh, seeing the lady again?
We're having dinner
Friday, as a matter of fact.
Kinda hit it off. [CHUCKLES]
So it's, uh
not an insidious plan
to get her to sell?
No, my insidious plan
was to have a nice dinner
with an interesting lady.
My first since Megan, in fact.
Would you, uh, be open to
trying a sort of experiment?
This device is really quite subtle.
You wear it behind your ear.
- She won't even see that
- I don't think so
Luke, it's science.
No! It's a dinner date with a nice lady.
A nice lady
who might just vibrate at 18.5 hertz.
[SUCKS TEETH]
Let me see it.
See? No big thing.
I don't know. Feels creepy wearing a
metaphysical nicotine
patch on our first date.
Science is often creepy.
But, if it isn't activated,
she'll never know.
- And if it is?
- Run away.
Run like hell.
As fast as you can.
[SCORE CRESCENDOS, FADES OUT]
[ZOOEY SIGHS]
Ah! You're back.
- Oh-ho.
- [CHUCKLES]
They are killing me, Augie.
Not only are they draining me
of my will to sell real estate,
they are draining me of my will to live.
[AUGUST CHUCKLES]
You should talk to Luke.
Just, uh, not right now.
Why?
It seems that, uh,
one of Susan's clients
is involved in a transaction
with one of Rita's clients
and Rita is unhappy about
Susan's extended sabbatical.
Rita Weiss: America's
real estate sweetheart.
So, what else is happening
in the real world?
Well, let's see
Uh, Luke is still trying
to close the Toft deals.
He has developed a
post-professional interest
in the woman who owns
the adjacent property.
- My spirit frequency device was
- Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
Did you just say post-professional?
He's hot for her?
Your words, not mine.
Oh, my God! That'll teach me
to leave the office, like, ever!
Who is she? What is she like?
We haven't met.
But she, uh
set off my device.
[GIGGLES]
Apparently she did the same for Luke.
[LAUGHS, SIGHS AT HER OWN CLEVERNESS]
[SIGHS]
[SCORE FADES OUT]
So, Luke tells me you're
a licensed agent now.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
- Hm.
- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
You know, I always liked you, Zooey.
You strike me as an oasis of pragmatism
in a place obsessed with fantasy,
like the last personal
injury attorney in a
hastily assembled amusement park.
May I give you a piece of advice?
I guess so.
Always give the client
what they need.
Not what they want.
Yeah? Hm.
Do you know what I used to be?
I got my masters in philosophy.
Oh, yes. I focused on Kierkegaard.
The aesthetic, the
ethical and the religious.
Well, you can imagine how
gracefully that interacted
with a career in real estate.
Zero sales.
- So, what did you do?
- So I shifted gears.
I focused on the
primacy of the individual
and of individual concerns
above any abstract reality
or grand metaphysical system.
Still couldn't sell a
salmon to a grizzly bear.
This is all great stuff,
but what am I supposed
to do with any of it?
I realized that I was vastly
overthinking the whole thing
and that my clients
were ignorant doorknobs
incapable of articulating
their own desires.
So, I looked at their lifestyles
and I showed them
corresponding inventory.
I focused on what they deeply needed,
not what they said they wanted
because seldom are they the same thing.
- Preach!
- Mm.
The moment I fully embraced
my intellectual authority
and saw my clients as the
low-level primates that they are
my business tripled overnight.
I was able to pay off my student loans,
buy a Cadillac Escalade
and divorce my husband.
So sad.
Yet inspiring.
Well, that's the big secret.
You are smarter than your clients.
I totally am!
Oh, you might want to pass
it along to Captain Goodhair.
He still seems to think that
clients deserve our respect.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- That's adorable.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oh.
[SIGHS]
Still crazy.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
How'd it go?
Well, he took the device.
We'll see if he actually deploys it.
There is something creepy about it,
- you know?
- Yeah.
On the subject of creepy,
you know those missing kids?
Yeah, I've heard something about them.
Something rings a bell.
[CREEPY SCORE]
[BURBLING WATER]
[CROW CAWING]
[CROW CAWING]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE FEMALE VOICE]
Hey! Are you okay?
[CREEPY SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
What's the matter?
[SHUSHING]
Hey!
You shouldn't be here.
This is where those [SCREAMING]
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
[CREEPY SCORE FADES OUT]
[RAP MUSIC; MAN VOCALIZING]
Ladies, how was your day?
'Cause it's about to
get a whole lot better.
[RAP MUSIC INTENSIFIES, GETS LOUDER]
[ENGINE REVVING, TIRES SQUEALING]
So, there are two
houses left on the list
Susan made up for you.
We're coming up to the first one
and
- we're driving away!
- What?!
It's not right. Tiny
rooms, no natural lighting
and the raccoons in the
yard? Yeah, they're not
the helpful Disney kind.
They'll cut a bitch.
- I still wouldn't mind
- Nah, you hate it already.
So, moving on to
bachelorette number two.
Here she comes, and
- there she goes.
- Wait! Slow down.
Bye!
Two bedrooms, two baths,
fully finished basement
and a home office.
All the stuff you wanted and
none of the shit you need.
Zooey, can't we just ?
Price is on the high side of your range.
Add in the HOA fees and to
make PITI you're gonna need
a bake sale every month, which
is going to be impossible. Why?
Because your kitchen
is too frickin' small!
So, that's it for Susan's houses.
Now it's time for me to rock your world.
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- [LAUGHING]
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
[CREEPY SCORE]
[LOUD CACOPHONY]
- [CACOPHONY FADES OUT]
- [CREEPY SCORE CONTINUES]
Right on time.
Hi.
Look.
It's a blood moon tonight.
Pardon me?
A blood moon.
The direct sunlight on earth
passes through the atmosphere
and is projected onto the moon;
Makes it all red and spooky.
Hasn't happened for
two and a half years.
So this is a special night.
Very.
[WOMAN VOCALIZING]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
[ENERGETIC VIOLINS PLAYING]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
[SCORE FADES OUT]
[KAY] I like your eyes.
- [LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
- [KAY LAUGHS]
No, I do.
They've seen a lot.
Most men your age our age
still have the eyes of adolescent boys.
Too many Saturday open houses
will do that to a person.
[KAY CHUCKLES]
So, you're not seeing anyone?
Nobody special.
You?
Mm-mm.
Well, that's about to change.
You're somebody special?
You have no idea.
So, here we are. The steak tartare.
And the roasted Cornish
hen for the gentleman.
[CREEPY TINKLING]
Anything else?
Anything at all?
Please?
We're good. Thanks.
Everything looks delicious.
You look delicious.
[CAR ENGINE TURNS OFF]
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]
Ta-da!
Two bedrooms; Two
baths; Gorgeous sunroom.
All living space on one
level, no finished basement.
Finished basement was on the list.
You don't need one.
There's tons of storage.
Just picture yourself in the space.
Your couch, your photos on the wall,
your favorite meal cooking in the
fully functional, spacious kitchen.
Just picture the house
for what it could be
with your undies in the drawer.
Is the neighborhood safe?
Of course. You need to be safe.
You need to be happy. You need sunshine.
But most of all, you need
to come home every night
and close the door against the world
in a house that loves you back.
We can afford something fancier.
This point in your lives, you
don't need to be house poor.
You need to be life rich.
I mean, with this house you
can still afford fancy wines
and concert tickets;
Vacations somewhere warm and
impractical anniversary gifts.
[CHUCKLING]
And all in a place that feels like home.
I do kinda love it.
[SIGHS] It's such a big decision.
Hey, I can only find you the
house you were born to live in.
Can't give you the cojones to buy it.
[LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, and the place has been
in my family for generations.
It's just simpler to keep the
title with the firm in Budapest.
You know, tax purposes and all.
And just like that we're
back to talking business.
Okay.
Let's stop fighting it.
Let's give in.
Well, I'm not going to
give you a hard sell here.
What a relief.
I bet you can be terribly persuasive.
To the point of irresistibility.
I'm just going to tell you one thing:
You will never get nearly as much
as my client is willing to pay
for your property right now.
Ever.
Ooh.
Never.
That's such a long time.
[CREEPY TINKLING]
Long
time.
- Hey, Luke. So, I've got good news
- [MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
and bad news.
Uh, good news is that the Dunn-Herberts
are no longer lookie-loos
they're buyers!
Bad news is, uh
Yeah. It's a Rita Weiss listing.
Hope we can still be friends! 'Kay, bye!
Ooh.
[MISCHIEVOUS SCORE FADES OUT]
[GENTLE SCORE]
August!
So, I've been reading
up on Hungarian legends.
Ah. The Budapest lawyer.
Exactly. What's her name?
The-the lady that
Luke's going out with?
Bozer. Kay Bozer.
- Look at this.
- [BOOK SLIDING ON DESK]
[SCORE TURNS DARKER]
Mm. Lovely.
This is a Hungarian witch.
Legend has it that she
has the power to fly,
or to transform herself into
a girl or woman of any age.
Men and boys are helpless against her.
Men and boys.
Yeah, I've seen that
legend in several cultures.
But the thing is, she can only survive
by soaking in the blood of a living male
in the light of a blood moon.
The blood moon recharges her
until the next one comes along.
Oh, dear. Those missing teenagers.
Tonight is a blood
moon. The first in years.
We need to warn Luke.
Guess what they call her in Hungary?
Boszorkány.
Bozer.
Close enough.
[SCORE CRESCENDOS, FADES OUT]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- [URGENT SCORE]
They really shouldn't
play Walking On Sunshine
when you're on hold with 9-1-1.
Try Luke again.
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
[SCORE TURNS SINISTER]
[TURNS CAR OFF]
[PHONE BUZZING]
Come in for a nightcap.
[CLICKS OFF PHONE]
I'd love to.
[SEATBELT CLICKS]
[GLASSES CLINKING]
[LIQUID POURING]
It's Kékfrankos.
From Hungary.
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- [GLASSES CLINK]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
Mm.
Spicy.
(IN HUNGARIAN) You have no idea.
You know,
I'm very choosy about men, Luke.
Boys, on the other hand.
On the other hand.
- Boys are a dime a dozen.
- [ECHOING]
Dime a dozen.
Boys are like wine
that just went into the barrel.
Just went into the barrel.
They haven't become complex
complex, or interesting.
They're just an amalgam of chemicals
[KISS]
Hormones
testosterone.
Boys are only good for two things:
Keeping me young
and becoming men like you.
- [HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
- Come.
You know breaking and
entering is a crime.
Heavens, yes! A very serious crime.
Glad that's on your radar.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[KAY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[DRAMATIC SCORE CONTINUES]
[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]
[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]
[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]
Luke!?
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
[CREEPY TINKLING]
- Luke?
- [LUKE] Hm
She needs the moonlight.
Block the moonlight
[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]
Auggie! Snap out of it. Luke! Help Luke!
[PHIL YELLS]
[GRUNT]
[KAY SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]
[OPERATIC CHORAL SINGING]
[IN HUNGARIAN] I'm waiting for you.
[IN HUNGARIAN] Keep waiting, Boszorkány.
[SHRIEKING]
[WHOOSHING BREATH]
[AUGUST] Let's get you out of here.
[KAY] Where am I?
[WIND BLOWING]
What's-what's going on?
- Oh.
- [DRAMATIC SCORE]
[BURBLING]
[BURBLING ECHOES]
Yeah.
I gotta be honest, big guy
she's kinda old for you.
Redheads.
[DRAMATIC SCORE FADES OUT]
- [LIVELY MUSIC]
- [LIVELY CONVERSATIONS]
[CHEERING]
[HOOTING, APPLAUSE]
Foot spray, spilt beer.
Smells like
victory.
Uh, let me know when Susan gets here.
- Ha-ha, hi.
- There she is!
My only very slightly younger
but not even a little
more attractive sister.
- Uh-huh.
- Get her a drink!
I will tell you when to stop pouring.
- [OTHERS LAUGHING]
- [ZOOEY] Thank you.
[COUGHING] Um
Uh, what is this?
White wine shandy.
[GROUP LAUGHING]
We add elderflower liqueur to it.
It's the official drink
of the "Listed Sisters"!
It's our organized group
of powerful female real estate agents
that aren't at all
sad, or trying too hard.
[OTHERS LAUGHING]
- Sign me up.
- Ah.
Zooey, I love your nails!
Where do you get them done?
I, uh do them myself. Um
I've always wanted to
get my helix pierced
but I'm too scared.
Ladies, ladies, relax. You'll all have
your "Zooey time."
After all, she's one of us.
- [OTHERS CHANTING]
- One of us. One of us. One of us.
[ECHOING] One of us.
One of us.
One of us. One of us.
- One of us. One of us.
- [DISTRESSED VOCALIZING]
No! Nooooo!
[CRYING]
- [SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC]
- Huh.
Oh-ho-ho
Luke.
[SUCKS TEETH] Greg.
- Nice to see you again.
- You as well.
[COUNTRY AND WESTERN MUSIC]
[BOWLING BALL SCATTERING PINS]
Wah, wah.
Anywho
- Are you okay?
- You get my messages?
I did! That's great! You took a client
that I never thought
would amount to anything
and you sold 'em a house!
- A Rita house.
- A Rita house
that we're still going to
make half commission on!
From zero to payday.
I am so proud of you.
And all it cost was my soul.
It is a sale that us
grownups make every day.
You did good.
- Oh, and hey
- [GENTLE SCORE]
you are going to love this.
I told Erik Toft that the
property he wanted to buy
was the site of horrific
murders and bloodletting.
Full disclosure, you know.
And guess what he says
[LAUGHING] No.
He says an ITF regulation tennis court
is the only proper way
to honor their memory.
So that sale is gonna happen, too.
- Wow.
- Oh.
- Life is funny.
- You got that right.
You seen Susan?
This is her event!
Uh
No, actually.
I have to go.
I planned the event.
People are counting on me.
I've enjoyed having you
here these past few days.
- We've bonded.
- [DOOR LOCKS ENGAGING]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- [LOCK ENGAGES]
Unlock the door!
[DESCENDING TONES
FROM SMART HOME DEVICE]
Shut down security system.
We've bonded, Susan.
- Unlock the door!
- Don't go.
House! Shut down
[SCRAPING, RUMBLING]
House! Let me out!
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
[DRAMATIC SCORE FADES OUT]
[SMART HOME DEVICE CHIMES]
[GENTLE PIANO PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
[GENTLE SURF IN DISTANCE]
[PIANO PLAYING FADES OUT]
[FAST, STACCATO PIANO MUSIC]