The Wrong Girl (2016) s02e04 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 4
1 Alice and I had a chat and we've decided that we're just gonna get to know each other a bit better.
Erica's being replaced as co-host.
Her goodbye episode will be this Saturday.
I'd just like to say something to all the women, the road will not be easy.
I need not apologise.
I tell you what You do you.
I'll do Eric.
Let's let Eric be Eric! I love you.
I lo it's It's a funny word to say, love.
Try to say (LAUGHS) - Jack Winters.
- What are you? (SQUEALS) What did you want to ask me about? About Gillian.
The segment I helped out on.
They bought it on the spot on the proviso that I host it too.
I actually thought you didn't want to do TV anymore.
I just didn't want to work on your TV show.
(DIAL TONE) It's ringing.
(MIMICS DIAL TONE) WOMAN: Hello? Ahh! Is that Wendy from Patchewollock? Yeah? It's Eric from The Breakfast Bar here, and guess what? My God.
I've got $10,000 for you! Oh, my God, really? If you can tell me and my beautiful Money Angels what today's catchphrase is.
I see you, baby, shaking that cash, shaking that cash.
- (MUSIC PLAYS) - DALE: Take number two.
Angels, make it rain down on Wendy! Cue the money rain.
And cue the removal of the last remaining shreds of our integrity.
- Shaking that cash - (LAUGHS) Dale! That's what I'm talking about! Eric, wrap it up.
Shaking that cash! We're late for politics.
Scratch that.
We're making space.
Television heaven, folks! A little slice of paradise! Let Eric be Eric.
You have to learn to improvise in here.
- Shaking that cash! - DALE: Want me to zoom in? What? If we're gonna set feminism back 30 years, it should at least be well framed.
The Wrong Girl 2x04 Sep 14, 2017 (TYPES ON LAPTOP) (GRUNTS) Eric or Jeremy? Both.
I need a nine-hour shower and some industrial disinfectant.
You know I've cooked dinner, right? Mmm.
Is is that the promo? Yeah, you want to watch it now or wait until later? Are you kidding? Now! Yes! (SOFT JAZZY MUSIC) Looks so much cooler in hand-held.
Jack's been a perfectionist ever since I first met him.
Oh! Mess.
It's all mess with Gill.
I want food that tastes like food, you know? Not some Picasso painting made out of broccoli and balsamic glaze.
Hey, what's the first thing that excites you about a meal? Seeing it.
Well, I want to see food that looks like food, not like it's meant to be hung up on a wall at MOMA.
(SCOFFS) Look, as chefs, we are complete opposites in every sense, taste, style I have it and he doesn't.
You also have sauce on your chin.
Oh! We can't call it Jack & Gill.
Kinda have to, don't we? Mmm, nup.
(LAUGHS) It's so .
.
so, so you.
Yeah, it's everything you wanted to do at The Breakfast Bar and couldn't.
It's a different format.
Still, our loss.
Big time.
- Enough sugar.
- Mm-hm.
Give me the salt rub.
If you angled a bit more right, would've got a better look at your dimple.
That's your expert producer advice? Mm-hm.
It's crucial.
Television heaven, folks! A little Thanks, Erica.
- JEREMY: And speaking of that - ERIC: Mm.
Are men misunderstood? Discuss.
- Misunderstood and maligned.
- Mm-hm.
From the Family Court to education - to biology, for heaven's sake! - Mm.
Men die seven years earlier than women! - What? - I know, right? And where's the inquiry into that? - Where's the outcry? Lily, come on in.
- There isn't one.
I have some notes from yesterday.
Oh, Jez'll take 'em.
He's kind of my point man now, or should I say, point person.
- Yeah.
- We don't really do point people.
We're practising! Thought bubbles! Yeah, witty rants.
What do you think? (CLICKS FINGERS) I think we are one arse shake away from catastrophically alienating our audience.
Have you seen the comments? Oh, comments shmomments.
Lily, you're not getting it.
This is this is good.
This is all good, because we're starting a - Conversation! - Yes! Cutting through the PC thought police.
People want warm and comforting.
People want whatever we tell them to want.
- People want to feel.
- Yes! But Eric, what do you want? You want to be Australia's most hated man? I've got four daughters in private schools with horse addictions.
They hate me more than our audience ever could.
(LAUGHS) Now, dropping the F bomb, feminazis.
Are they anarchists who must be stopped? Ha! Stopped in their high-heeled tracks! A feeling? You're condemning our daughter to a life of Victorian-era disease based on a feeling? Well, why don't we just deny her dentistry and rubber-soled shoes as well? You cannot tell me there's not a link between vaccination and autism.
Scientists can't even prove it yet.
Scientists can prove it.
Read the WHO reports.
Look at any medical journal.
They'll all tell you.
What, funded by big pharma, no doubt, peddling the latest miracle cure? Vaccinations are the miracle cure.
Pete, you're just cherry picking your sources - to to to fit your argument.
- No, I'm not! This is a classic case of confirmation bias.
I hate to break it to you, Meredith, but the scientific method and New Age hysteria - are not two sides of the same argument.
- New Age hysteria? - Yes! - Don't you have to go to work? Settling in to my office okay? Everything to your satisfaction? Um, yeah, no complaints.
What are you working on? Ah, in theory, I'm writing my pitch, but in practice I'm debunking Meredith's anti-vax stance one argument at a time.
Really? - She's - Self-righteous as she is deluded.
You know, there should be, like, a questionnaire you fill out before you have a child with someone.
Like, do you believe in logic? Do you understand the core tenets of Western medicine? I think they call that dating.
Well, I'm considering drastic action.
ERIC: And it starts! (WHISPERS) They are out of control.
Hang on, wait, what did you mean by drastic actions? No, nothing.
Doesn't matter.
So, I I saw the Jack and Gill promo.
It's called Up The Hill.
Ah.
Right, I see what they did there.
That's good.
And you, you're okay? How are you going with that? - Fine.
- Yeah? So, just seething jealousy eating at the soul fine or? - I'm happy for him.
- Okay.
I figure I could dredge for jealousy if I had to but What's the point? We all have pasts.
- Not we, specifically.
- No, not we.
We don't.
We've been expunged from the record.
Our dirty secret.
I don't remember it being that dirty.
I thought it was more sweet and attentive.
That is categorically the worst thing you've ever said to me.
Mmm.
Besides, I like Gillian.
And her being Jack's ex just proves he has great taste in women.
That was almost convincing.
(UPBEAT MUSIC, LIVELY CHATTER) Lily! - Thank God! - Hi.
I don't know any of these people! Hey, listen, congratulations on the show.
It looks Well, I want to watch it and I'm not even your target audience.
No, really.
Once I ate nothing but tinned spaghetti for a whole week.
Honestly.
It looks great.
It looks fresh and funny and you two are Hey, do you think you'd be able to come on the road with us or is work too full-on? On the road? As in? Um, just just some away shoots.
Nothing's been locked down yet or anything, so Oh.
Actually, they're looking for a producer if you're keen? - Really? - Yeah.
So, Mimi has made Vietnamese dumplings and you're the reason that they're going hard.
Shit! No, Sim! Did you forget? No, I've double booked.
I'm at Jack's preview thingy.
Aha.
Say no more.
No, actually, do say more.
How are you coping? You and Pete? I don't know why you both think I am a jealous person.
I love you.
I'm hanging up now.
Not coming.
Ah.
Um Do you want me to see if Vincent can come around? Just girls.
(POURS COPIOUSLY) It'll be a few days here and there.
You're not missing anything.
Vineyards in the Barossa sunsets in Broome, that sort of thing? Come.
We need a field producer.
This producer has a job.
It'll be better pay, better talent, not a Money Angel in sight.
Right.
How could I refuse? Jack! Publicity want us.
Interviews.
This is gonna take a while.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to make it sound like your job was - Not as important as - Go.
Go.
Soak this all up.
- I'll see you at home.
- Okay.
(PHONE WHISTLES) (I GOT MINE BY THE BLACK KEYS) I was a movin' man - In my younger days - But I've grown out Of my ramblin' ways I left that road So far behind And now I know - (INCOMING MESSAGE TONE) - Oh, babe I got mine I got mine I got mine Oh, baby, I got mine (MOBILE PHONE CALLS) So baby when I rolled I rolled deep So much so Sasha, hi.
Have you seen it? - Seen what? - I'll send you the link.
- Just get in here.
- What link? Lily! Now! We've got an Eric-sized shit storm here and it's gone viral.
I want this sorted by morning.
I got mine.
(WHISPERS) Erica's arse.
Zoom in so the guys in the booth can have a look.
Isn't that a thing of beauty? It's a peach.
A ripe peach.
Oh! Num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num! As Al Pacino would say, that's a great! SASHA: Stay away from camera First step, we need to file the DMCA takedown notice.
- What's the point? - He's right.
Once it's processed, anyone who's clickbait happy will have seen it.
4.
2K views in just over an hour.
It's incredible.
Do you want to brand it with the network logo, Jeremy? It's not a bad idea.
As long as it doesn't obscure the arse.
Do we know who leaked it? It doesn't take Inspector Morse, does it? It wasn't necessarily Erica.
The fact that you jumped to that conclusion without me even saying her name suggests otherwise.
She does kind of have the clearest motive.
Regardless of who leaked it We could check video archive access logs.
Regardless of who leaked it, we need to figure out a containment strategy.
We stay strong.
Let Eric be Eric.
Eric can't mansplain this away.
He needs to apologise publicly tomorrow.
That would be a terrible move.
It will weaken Eric's brand.
Eric's brand is the Hindenburg, Jeremy, and we are gonna go down in flames with it.
We could present it as a kind of non-apology.
- That could work.
- Taken out of context.
Locker room, blah, boys will be blah blah.
Sexual harassment, blah.
Massive settlement, blah.
Explain that to your dad.
Blah, blah, blah.
Blah.
I want eyes on Eric ASAP.
I don't want his fingers anywhere near the internet.
Jeremy, you're his point person.
You point him in the direction of this office.
Get Erica on the phone.
I want to know how she plans to respond.
Right.
That's it.
Everybody back to work.
I love it when she's like this.
MIMI: Oh, I totally understand.
With Lil being away and you and Vincent being so close No.
No, no, no.
everybody playing musical chairs It's all so sudden.
No, that's That's not it.
I I just feel like sometimes, you know, everyone else has these these big, proper lives, and I'm happy for them, but I'm just kind of floating, you know? Sim, there's nothing wrong with that.
I spent my whole life doing it properly, you know.
Proper C-section, proper mortgage, proper divorce.
Enjoy it.
You're single.
Mimi, you're single.
Young and single.
You are a smart, smoking goddess and you have all the freedom and no responsibility.
I have an idea.
I think that we should get frocked up and go out and get you back in the game.
No.
Definitely not.
- See, that is your problem.
- No.
See, no more nos.
No.
You've gotta say no to no and say yes instead.
Actually, if I were to say yes Oh! You said it! would I be able to wear that jacket? Yes! - Take it! - Yeah.
Look, it's Eric.
It doesn't need to be funny.
Funny runs the risk of being smug.
- Heartfelt is better.
- Ah, heartfelt? But not treacly.
I don't want Eric inducing hyperglycaemic shock in our viewers.
Just a genuine apology.
Yeah, yep, Lily, I understand.
It's okay.
It should be over soon, sweetie.
Here we go.
- Need you to hold her arm, mate.
- Ah, yep.
Is that Vincent? Yeah, he's about to come at my child with a giant needle.
It's always worse for the parent, mate.
You want to lie down? It's okay, sweetie.
So, Meredith came around? Um.
Not exactly.
She doesn't know? She will do eventually.
What was I meant to do? She wouldn't listen to reason.
Okay.
Wow.
Look, no, I know nothing of parenting politics, but this is a pretty significant breach, yeah? Um, I've gotta go, Lil.
I don't think you should No, no, Pete Okay, here we go, sweetie.
Here we go.
- He's just got a big - You ready? It looks scary but it's gonna be okay.
- (DING!) - He never gets back to me on time.
The arse man cometh.
Right.
What are we doing about the leak? We've sent an email around to everyone reminding them An email!? An email, Lily? Oh, come on! I want names.
I want heads to roll.
Waste of time.
Let's focus on fixing this.
I will find the rat.
No one hangs you out to dry and gets away with it.
- Not on my watch.
- Good.
In the meantime, we've got Pete writing up a statement for you to say.
Well, I'm not apologising.
Not an apology.
A clarification.
Et tu, J-Man? I said nothing wrong! I love women! And that was a compliment.
Lily, does Jack tell you he likes your arse? He's my boyfriend.
I like your arse.
Yours too, Alice.
Really? Yes, I'm only human.
I'll have a statement ready for you to read first thing tomorrow morning.
Live.
Is this a pick-up joint? - Are they all here to - No.
Australian men can't make a move until after midnight.
- These are magnificent.
- Stop it! I feel like an old wildebeest that the hyenas have separated from the pack.
You're a gazelle, graceful and sleek, pronking and jinking in the dating savannah.
Excuse me, she will have a espresso Martini this time.
She will have a double Martini, dry as the Serengeti.
Oh, yes.
Yes! He'll read this to camera? I want him to read it directly to Erica.
I want to get her on the couch tomorrow.
I'm not giving a pedestal to someone who's attacked our show repeatedly.
We fired her.
So? I was fired.
You take it like a grown up and you get them long game.
You don't declare war in public.
Assuming she leaked the tape.
Who else would? Anyone with a cervix.
This isn't going away.
Eric needs to apologise and he will do it if it's face to face.
What's your play with Eric? Because he won't go near that couch if he knows Erica's on it.
Surprise attack.
Right now, though, I'm more worried about finding Erica.
She's not answering any calls, we don't know where she is.
Things to remember about Erica, one, she's a chronic insomniac, and two, an arse like that needs a lot of maintenance.
Ah, Lily.
I was wondering how long it would take you to find me.
Look, I'm not interested.
It's a chance for you to tell your side of the story.
Like court, where the victim faces the convicted criminal.
Lily, I'm not a victim.
I really don't give a shit what Eric thinks about my arse.
The guy is a pig and I'm sick of pigs.
So come on the show and tell him that.
Lily, you're only interested in the ratings.
I mean, why would I do any favours for The Breakfast Bar? Because it was your home for a decade and you could've leaked that clip ages ago.
You could've leaked any number of clips, and you didn't.
And how do you know I didn't leak the clip? Because I did.
I want our show back.
And I need you.
(LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR) - (KNOCKING CONTINUES) - You there, Mims? SIMONE: Mimi! Mimi! Someone's at the door! (KNOCKING CONTINUES) - Hi.
- Hi.
Uh I've come to do the gutters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I'll get started, eh? Mimi! Mims? (PHONE RINGS) (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Hey, Mum! - Hi! - Hey.
What are you doing here? Uh I I just slept here.
Okay.
You and my mum, BFFs? Oh.
That's Where is she? Um, just a sec.
Okay.
Sim, I can't talk right now, sorry.
I was just wandering, by any chance are you with your mum? No, I'm at work.
Why? No reason.
Um, have a great show.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, but it turns out I am pretty sure I've lost your mum.
ERIC: Coming up after the break DALE: Go to a commercial in five, four, three Ready? You're a strong, powerful, brave, blonde woman and you go up there.
Lily, I don't need the pep talk.
I'm gonna eat him alive.
Ah, can I get a mic on? Hello, Nikkii.
Hello, Eric.
- Oh, my God! Erica.
- Hello, everyone.
Look, I just thought it was time we could put this whole arsegate thing behind us, so to speak.
(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY) This is an ambush.
No, it's a conversation.
Nikkii, you're referee.
Ooh! Yay! Lily, I'll read the statement, but I will not grovel The statement is one thing but this is a bad call.
- I'm pulling the segment.
- Sasha's already approved it.
Well, I'm gonna get her to unapprove it.
Tell me, Eric, what exactly did you say in my defence when they boned me? I bought a fruit basket! Yeah.
You didn't say a word.
Back to Nikkii in three, two, one.
Welcome back, and have we got an exclusive for you.
Too light.
Trust yourself.
Some things are so important, they need to be discussed IRL, away from the mudslinging and the blame game of the internet.
So please welcome back to the couch Erica - temporarily.
- (BOTH LAUGH) Thank you so much, Nikkii.
I would love to say that it's a pleasure being back, but Eric's reception thus far has been frosty.
Boom, girl point.
I was I was somewhat surprised.
Surprised! Were you surprised, Eric? You know what, I was surprised too when I found out that all of Australia was assessing whether my arse was a ratings winner or not.
Which it is.
And how did that make you feel? Oh, feel.
Feel.
Everybody's got so many feeeeelings these days.
Look, I'm not a perfect person.
I've said and done things I regret.
But for a woman in the public arena, we are crucified for every outfit choice, for every haircut, the size of our bust, the size of our backsides, even though you can't even see them behind a desk half the time.
I mean, who cares what our IQ is, right? As long as we don't have cellulite.
Am I right? - Yeah.
- Exactly.
I mean, we are pilloried, we are objectified, we are judged, we are trolled, and if we try to push back, we're told to just swallow it.
And no, Eric, that is not a euphemism.
- (STUTTERS) - So try it, ladies.
Try and push back.
And what will you be? Yeah, you'll be a crazy feminazi cat woman.
Me? That makes me angry.
Does that make you angry, Nikkii? Yes, it does.
So, yes, Eric.
That video made me angry, not because I care what you think about my arse but because my colleague for 15 years, who I thought saw me as an equal, actually just sees me as another piece of meat.
Slay, Mummy, slay.
Get ready to zoom in.
And what would it take, Erica, for you to forgive Eric? Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on a minute.
Nikkii, I'm not asking for her forgiveness.
I I Look, people who know me, people who really know me, know that those words those words don't reflect who I really am.
- Eric - Come on! It's not about forgiveness.
You need to walk a mile in a woman's shoes and then you would understand why that video was so offensive and why it hurt me so much.
Ding, ding! Round one.
We'll be back.
I'll be back.
NIKKII: Alice, I don't like the folded chips.
I like the flat ones.
How many calories in every chip? Knock knock.
Good show.
Yeah.
That one was.
Something to be proud of.
Award-winning, maybe.
Wouldn't go that far.
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you out with Sasha.
- Hey - With the time crunch.
Thank you for sparing me the backlash that's coming.
Eric will have to either decide to exit or he'll be rotated out.
I'm so relieved not to have my fingerprints on the show that burnt The Breakfast Bar to the ground.
Little dramatic.
We get a clean slate tomorrow.
Eric can win back goodwill.
Hell of a gamble.
Yeah, Lil, have you seen this? "Hot chef sizzles on screen.
" - Four stars.
- Wow.
So many sexy cooking terms.
Sizzling, spicy, steamy.
I did not know they were engaged.
Jack and Gillian.
- Where does it say that? - The profile on them.
Yay for exes working together.
Okay.
What's this? 17 spicy chicken sliders, for $102.
That's impressive.
- Hang on.
So, yes to everything? - Yes.
And this is my mother we're talking about? - Yes.
- Can you please stop saying that? Yes.
Sorry, no.
I mean, I had to say yes to that, didn't I? How can you not remember three hours? Uh, judgy.
You once didn't remember getting a tattoo of Tweety Bird.
It was a fake tattoo and I I don't need I'm not the one Just can you show me the photos, please? You have to admit, she looks really hot.
Oh! Ah! - (LAUGHS) - All right, come on.
I've only had two drinks.
Is that Bernard? Did you hook up with Bernard? - No.
- You're sure? Within those three missing hours, you didn't hook up with? No.
'Cause he wasn't there.
But then he was.
I know the owner and I'm gonna have your badges.
Hey, hey, hey, Joe, Joe! It's all good.
The ladies are with me.
- Yeah, I actually do know the owner.
- It's Bernard! Yeah, yeah, it's me, I'm here.
- St Bernard! - Oh! Yeah! - Huh.
- Huh, what? Call him and ask him if he's seen my mother, please.
All right, all right.
But can I just say that this paternalistic, like, protective thing? Sim.
It's really Oedipal and we're gonna have to talk about this at length.
Simone.
- (DIAL TONE) - (WHISPERS) I'm calling him.
BERNARD: How low can you go? Hi.
Hi, Bernard.
- Um, it's Sim, Lily's - Oh, yeah.
I was just wondering, have you seen her mum, Mimi, by any chance? Oh, yeah, she's here.
She's here.
She's here.
D'you want to speak to her? I can put her on.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, cool.
Come on.
(AIRILY) Hellooo! Mimi.
Hi, how are you? (WHISPERS) Oh, God, Sim.
Oh, thank God it's you.
I thought it was one of the kids and it'd just be Mum.
Mum.
- What's happened? - Are you okay? Everything okay? What can I do? No, hi, darling.
I'm fine.
Mum! And in fact, I just ran into your friend Bernard, of all the things! - Hello! (LAUGHS) - Hello.
Can they hear me? Tell him to come.
Come and meet us.
There's a seat here.
We'll get an extra seat in.
Hey.
Found the thing.
Simone called, Vincent called, Mimi called three times.
(SIGHS) Hi.
Hey, get any sleep? Thanks.
Managed to save Eric from himself? Why didn't you just tell me you were engaged? Who told you that? It doesn't matter.
Actually, you know what? No, it does, because I didn't snoop.
I want that on record.
I have not been jealous.
Okay.
Noted.
- Do you want to ask me about it? - No.
Yes.
I guess I had the impression that it was serious and you never gave me the impression it was that serious.
Or do you just propose to every girlfriend now? Sorry, that was unfair.
It was serious.
And it ended because? I think she told me to grow up, go to rehab and then she threw the engagement ring at my head.
See, I thought you left her.
It ended.
What's the difference? You were wiping food off each other's chins.
Since when did chin wiping become foreplay? What's gonna happen when you go on the road together? Nothing.
Work.
Right.
Work.
Yeah.
'Cause you work so well together, unlike you and I.
I'm just the commitment-phobic girlfriend who dragged you back to Melbourne, who you have nothing in common with.
She's been cranky all night.
No surprises, though.
She's probably picking up on the tension between us.
Yeah.
How did we go from co-parenting to trench warfare? Th I've been doing some research and we should get her vaccinated.
Really? Well, everything but rubella.
I'm just not over the line on that one yet.
Okay.
Well I think it's definitely still as safe as the others, but that's that's awesome.
If you've read through the things and we Yeah, well Yeah.
I'm going to take her for her six-month check-up next week, so I'll just do it then.
Oh Well, I mean, I could just do it tomorrow.
- No.
I'll do it next week.
- Are you sure? I can get time off work.
The boss loves me so I can sort it out.
Pete.
I'm gonna be there.
Yeah.
I just, um I know you hate needles, though, and I can hear and I just Oh, well, let's just do it together.
- Yeah? - Right.
(BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY) What? See, I (CLEARS THROAT) The thing is, I See, the thing is, I might have already done it.
What, you booked it? No, I mean, like, I I've done it.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have gone behind your back.
It was a massive overstep, but I just kept picturing Manisha with whooping cough or measles and just in distress, you know, and I thought of - I cannot live with you anymore.
- What? I want to move in with Mitchell.
Wait.
He's asked me and he he knows me and Oh, wow.
He doesn't lie to me.
Meredith.
LILY: It was ugly.
PETE: Like, full green Lily the Hulk ugly? You are only getting away with that because your problems are bigger than mine right now.
It's true, they are.
So I'm like a drop-in dad now.
Part-time at best.
All for doing the right thing.
Oh, come on, Pete.
What did you think was gonna happen? I don't know.
Slap across the wrist.
Across the face, at worst.
Not this.
Well, you took drastic action, so did she.
Yeah, I did it for our daughter.
Well, maybe she thought she was too.
So, what, you agree with her? No, I'm saying you can't raise kids together without trust.
Ask my parents.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Speaking of.
Mum.
She keeps on calling me.
Yep.
Mum, hi, look, I can't talk right now.
Please stop avoiding my calls.
I'm not avoiding you.
It's been a really hectic week.
- Have you spoken to your brother? - No.
Why? Oh, nothing.
I I I just need to talk to you.
It's important.
What, like, rearranging the furniture important or health problem? Probably somewhere in between the two.
(CHUCKLES) Uh Do you want to come to lunch tomorrow? - Okay.
- Okay.
Is every thing Bye.
Uh Eric post.
"Tune in tomorrow as I bid adieu to The Breakfast Bar forever.
" Really? Lots of sad face emojis.
Really? And his arse.
He's mooning us adieu.
(BABY BABBLES) We have to go see him.
Why me? - Bring the baby.
- What? - Yep.
- Why? Backup.
You can't attack a woman with a baby.
You're not using my baby as a human shield.
- ERIC: You.
- Yes.
You?! Yep.
You? We need to start moving forward now.
How? Why, Lily, why? I wanted to give you a wake-up call.
Oh, well, I'm "woke" now.
(SIGHS) I honestly never wanted you gone.
Beer? Port? I'll take a beer.
Me too.
You don't get a drink today, missy.
- What did upstairs say? - What did upstairs say? I'll tell you what they said.
They said, "You look a bit tired, Eric.
"Maybe a little holiday might be just the ticket.
" What we have here is a classic redemption story.
(GROANS) If you just apologise, this will all I wasn't wrong.
I Look, man to man, do you think I'm sexist? Well, I mean, you do have a photo of a young woman in a swimsuit on your wall.
That's my daughter.
My eldest.
Her mother moved to Shanghai when she was little.
I never get to see her.
I don't even have a decent photo.
I had to buy that in a store.
Well, she's a model.
Got her dad's genes.
My daughter's moving out with her mum too.
It's not quite as far as Shanghai.
And what are you doing about it? Uh Uh? - Well, I can't - Arrh.
- I mean, it's not - (MOCKS PETE) You listen to me.
You need to do whatever you need to do to stay a part of that little one's life.
Believe me.
Six Logies, two gold.
That right there, that beautiful little bundle, that's the best thing you'll ever do.
(BABY BABBLES) - A-bubby-bubby-boo! - (BABY BABBLES) See, that's the that's the Eric Australia needs to see.
Come on, clap your hands.
Yes, let's clap! Clap your hands.
Clap, clap, clap.
- (BABY BABBLES) - (LAUGHS) Clap your hands.
Do you know what? Right now you're the only woman in Australia who doesn't think I'm an arsehole.
- (LAUGHS) - (BABY LAUGHS) - Where's it going? - (BABY BABBLES) Did you see that smile? She's smiling.
(LAUGHS) Just pimped out my daughter to save your show.
Television.
You're now one of us.
Whoo! NIKKII: Good morning, Australia.
On yesterday's show, my co-host Eric was confronted with some powerful accusations and we felt it only fair to give him a right of reply.
Good luck, mate.
(CLEARS THROAT) Morning.
Morning.
Well, um, the last few days have opened my eyes.
Dare I say it, Erica was right.
I did need to walk a mile in her shoes.
And how do those shoes feel, Eric? Well, a little uncomfortable, to tell you the truth, but they do give my derrière a bit of a lift, do you think? Hey? But seriously, men and women, well, it's like yin and yang.
Bee and flower.
And there can be no Eric without Erica.
I want you back.
So, here's an apology.
To you, Erica.
And to the women of Australia, and to my daughters.
Who knows, maybe they're watching somewhere too.
(CLEARS THROAT) Anyway.
Here we go.
Sometimes we say things inappropriate and dumb I know I shouldn't have said what I said about your bum It was uncalled for and frankly uncouth But I love you with all my heart and you know that's the truth Just like Christmas without a tree There's no you without me (CLEARS THROAT) To all you wonderful women and girls everywhere Please don't think for a second that I That I don't really care It's never my intention to upset or offend And I never wanted to lose my very best friend Erica, without ya, I'm so blue There's no me without you Don't worry, Nikkii.
You're not through.
Oh, thank God.
There's no me without you (LAUGHS) Still let Eric be Eric, but palatable.
I think it's time we got on the same side, Woodward.
I'm on a roll.
I'll just keep going, shall I? (GILLIAN LAUGHS) This is this is nice.
You know, I don't have that many girlfriends left in Melbourne.
We should've had you over sooner.
- Mmm.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
- Please.
It has been a day.
Yeah, and the worst part was waking up to discover that I'd partaken in a one night stand.
With one of your friends.
Well, at least I thought it was a one night stand.
It's just he's just called to ask me to lunch.
Are you going to say yes? I think it would be very rude to say no.
Very dangerous, this saying yes to everything.
- Good for her.
- I guess.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I probably need to apologise.
I'm a little bit I went crazy girlfriend on Jack.
It's not you.
There are some gaps in my knowledge.
I can imagine.
I didn't know that you two were engaged until that article.
Oh, Jack's terrible at talking about the past.
He is, isn't he? He always draws a line in the sand and then he cuts you out.
- Yes! - Yes.
Yep.
Hmm.
I'm sorry.
I've being that ex-girlfriend.
No.
No.
It's I actually think I'm learning a lot.
What else do you want to know? - We all right out here? - Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
- Fine.
Get back in the kitchen.
PETE: There's just no excuse for it.
I mean, I was just wrong on so many levels and in so many different dimensions and I want you to know I'm really, really sorry.
And if you feel like we can't get back to what we had, then I totally understand that.
But I want you to know I will do whatever it takes to stay part of Manisha's life.
Move in with us, then.
Sorry? Of course you're gonna stay part of Manisha's life.
I'm not gonna deny her a father because of your stupidity.
Ah, right Sorry, you mean move in to Mitchell's? We still have our trust stuff to work through.
MITCHELL: Together.
The three of us? Well, four us, actually.
I just think it's the best thing for Manisha.
Well I mean, thanks for the that offer Look, I'm fine with it, Pete.
There's a whole section of the house that's underutilised.
You'd be doing me a favour.
I really appreciate how generous you're being and how open-minded you are about all this.
I just just a bit taken aback.
That's all.
I was expecting a custody battle and then we got a share house.
(LAUGHS) You said whatever it takes.
JACK: Feels like we just got in here.
I really don't want to go.
I don't want you to go either.
We'll be fine.
- We'll talk every day, yeah? - I don't know.
That sounds excessive.
So, uh Mimi and Bernard, huh? Yes.
So, what do you think it was like? Do you think he undressed her carefully? - No, don't you dare.
- Caressed her face Don't! No! Stop it! I'm just trying to help you work through it.
- Will you stop? Oh.
- Oh, Bernard, oh.
Fine! Hang on a minute! - You're being Mimi in this situation? - Oh, Bernard! Oh! (CAR HORN BEEPS) Oh, that'll be her.
I guess I should be grateful - we didn't finish that role play.
- (TEXT MESSAGE ALERT) Yes, Gillian.
I know it's you.
But promise me you will stand on her wrong side and stop showing so much dimple.
It's unsightly.
I promise.
And let's talk every day.
Okay.
I love ya.
- Hey! - (SQUEALS) - Mwah! Let's do this.
- Yeah.
- Ready? - Yeah, sorry.
No, no, I'm good.
I love you too.
Did something happen with you and Gillian? - Lil, sorry, now's not the right time.
- Well, it's gonna have to be.
Erica's being replaced as co-host.
Her goodbye episode will be this Saturday.
I'd just like to say something to all the women, the road will not be easy.
I need not apologise.
I tell you what You do you.
I'll do Eric.
Let's let Eric be Eric! I love you.
I lo it's It's a funny word to say, love.
Try to say (LAUGHS) - Jack Winters.
- What are you? (SQUEALS) What did you want to ask me about? About Gillian.
The segment I helped out on.
They bought it on the spot on the proviso that I host it too.
I actually thought you didn't want to do TV anymore.
I just didn't want to work on your TV show.
(DIAL TONE) It's ringing.
(MIMICS DIAL TONE) WOMAN: Hello? Ahh! Is that Wendy from Patchewollock? Yeah? It's Eric from The Breakfast Bar here, and guess what? My God.
I've got $10,000 for you! Oh, my God, really? If you can tell me and my beautiful Money Angels what today's catchphrase is.
I see you, baby, shaking that cash, shaking that cash.
- (MUSIC PLAYS) - DALE: Take number two.
Angels, make it rain down on Wendy! Cue the money rain.
And cue the removal of the last remaining shreds of our integrity.
- Shaking that cash - (LAUGHS) Dale! That's what I'm talking about! Eric, wrap it up.
Shaking that cash! We're late for politics.
Scratch that.
We're making space.
Television heaven, folks! A little slice of paradise! Let Eric be Eric.
You have to learn to improvise in here.
- Shaking that cash! - DALE: Want me to zoom in? What? If we're gonna set feminism back 30 years, it should at least be well framed.
The Wrong Girl 2x04 Sep 14, 2017 (TYPES ON LAPTOP) (GRUNTS) Eric or Jeremy? Both.
I need a nine-hour shower and some industrial disinfectant.
You know I've cooked dinner, right? Mmm.
Is is that the promo? Yeah, you want to watch it now or wait until later? Are you kidding? Now! Yes! (SOFT JAZZY MUSIC) Looks so much cooler in hand-held.
Jack's been a perfectionist ever since I first met him.
Oh! Mess.
It's all mess with Gill.
I want food that tastes like food, you know? Not some Picasso painting made out of broccoli and balsamic glaze.
Hey, what's the first thing that excites you about a meal? Seeing it.
Well, I want to see food that looks like food, not like it's meant to be hung up on a wall at MOMA.
(SCOFFS) Look, as chefs, we are complete opposites in every sense, taste, style I have it and he doesn't.
You also have sauce on your chin.
Oh! We can't call it Jack & Gill.
Kinda have to, don't we? Mmm, nup.
(LAUGHS) It's so .
.
so, so you.
Yeah, it's everything you wanted to do at The Breakfast Bar and couldn't.
It's a different format.
Still, our loss.
Big time.
- Enough sugar.
- Mm-hm.
Give me the salt rub.
If you angled a bit more right, would've got a better look at your dimple.
That's your expert producer advice? Mm-hm.
It's crucial.
Television heaven, folks! A little Thanks, Erica.
- JEREMY: And speaking of that - ERIC: Mm.
Are men misunderstood? Discuss.
- Misunderstood and maligned.
- Mm-hm.
From the Family Court to education - to biology, for heaven's sake! - Mm.
Men die seven years earlier than women! - What? - I know, right? And where's the inquiry into that? - Where's the outcry? Lily, come on in.
- There isn't one.
I have some notes from yesterday.
Oh, Jez'll take 'em.
He's kind of my point man now, or should I say, point person.
- Yeah.
- We don't really do point people.
We're practising! Thought bubbles! Yeah, witty rants.
What do you think? (CLICKS FINGERS) I think we are one arse shake away from catastrophically alienating our audience.
Have you seen the comments? Oh, comments shmomments.
Lily, you're not getting it.
This is this is good.
This is all good, because we're starting a - Conversation! - Yes! Cutting through the PC thought police.
People want warm and comforting.
People want whatever we tell them to want.
- People want to feel.
- Yes! But Eric, what do you want? You want to be Australia's most hated man? I've got four daughters in private schools with horse addictions.
They hate me more than our audience ever could.
(LAUGHS) Now, dropping the F bomb, feminazis.
Are they anarchists who must be stopped? Ha! Stopped in their high-heeled tracks! A feeling? You're condemning our daughter to a life of Victorian-era disease based on a feeling? Well, why don't we just deny her dentistry and rubber-soled shoes as well? You cannot tell me there's not a link between vaccination and autism.
Scientists can't even prove it yet.
Scientists can prove it.
Read the WHO reports.
Look at any medical journal.
They'll all tell you.
What, funded by big pharma, no doubt, peddling the latest miracle cure? Vaccinations are the miracle cure.
Pete, you're just cherry picking your sources - to to to fit your argument.
- No, I'm not! This is a classic case of confirmation bias.
I hate to break it to you, Meredith, but the scientific method and New Age hysteria - are not two sides of the same argument.
- New Age hysteria? - Yes! - Don't you have to go to work? Settling in to my office okay? Everything to your satisfaction? Um, yeah, no complaints.
What are you working on? Ah, in theory, I'm writing my pitch, but in practice I'm debunking Meredith's anti-vax stance one argument at a time.
Really? - She's - Self-righteous as she is deluded.
You know, there should be, like, a questionnaire you fill out before you have a child with someone.
Like, do you believe in logic? Do you understand the core tenets of Western medicine? I think they call that dating.
Well, I'm considering drastic action.
ERIC: And it starts! (WHISPERS) They are out of control.
Hang on, wait, what did you mean by drastic actions? No, nothing.
Doesn't matter.
So, I I saw the Jack and Gill promo.
It's called Up The Hill.
Ah.
Right, I see what they did there.
That's good.
And you, you're okay? How are you going with that? - Fine.
- Yeah? So, just seething jealousy eating at the soul fine or? - I'm happy for him.
- Okay.
I figure I could dredge for jealousy if I had to but What's the point? We all have pasts.
- Not we, specifically.
- No, not we.
We don't.
We've been expunged from the record.
Our dirty secret.
I don't remember it being that dirty.
I thought it was more sweet and attentive.
That is categorically the worst thing you've ever said to me.
Mmm.
Besides, I like Gillian.
And her being Jack's ex just proves he has great taste in women.
That was almost convincing.
(UPBEAT MUSIC, LIVELY CHATTER) Lily! - Thank God! - Hi.
I don't know any of these people! Hey, listen, congratulations on the show.
It looks Well, I want to watch it and I'm not even your target audience.
No, really.
Once I ate nothing but tinned spaghetti for a whole week.
Honestly.
It looks great.
It looks fresh and funny and you two are Hey, do you think you'd be able to come on the road with us or is work too full-on? On the road? As in? Um, just just some away shoots.
Nothing's been locked down yet or anything, so Oh.
Actually, they're looking for a producer if you're keen? - Really? - Yeah.
So, Mimi has made Vietnamese dumplings and you're the reason that they're going hard.
Shit! No, Sim! Did you forget? No, I've double booked.
I'm at Jack's preview thingy.
Aha.
Say no more.
No, actually, do say more.
How are you coping? You and Pete? I don't know why you both think I am a jealous person.
I love you.
I'm hanging up now.
Not coming.
Ah.
Um Do you want me to see if Vincent can come around? Just girls.
(POURS COPIOUSLY) It'll be a few days here and there.
You're not missing anything.
Vineyards in the Barossa sunsets in Broome, that sort of thing? Come.
We need a field producer.
This producer has a job.
It'll be better pay, better talent, not a Money Angel in sight.
Right.
How could I refuse? Jack! Publicity want us.
Interviews.
This is gonna take a while.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to make it sound like your job was - Not as important as - Go.
Go.
Soak this all up.
- I'll see you at home.
- Okay.
(PHONE WHISTLES) (I GOT MINE BY THE BLACK KEYS) I was a movin' man - In my younger days - But I've grown out Of my ramblin' ways I left that road So far behind And now I know - (INCOMING MESSAGE TONE) - Oh, babe I got mine I got mine I got mine Oh, baby, I got mine (MOBILE PHONE CALLS) So baby when I rolled I rolled deep So much so Sasha, hi.
Have you seen it? - Seen what? - I'll send you the link.
- Just get in here.
- What link? Lily! Now! We've got an Eric-sized shit storm here and it's gone viral.
I want this sorted by morning.
I got mine.
(WHISPERS) Erica's arse.
Zoom in so the guys in the booth can have a look.
Isn't that a thing of beauty? It's a peach.
A ripe peach.
Oh! Num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num! As Al Pacino would say, that's a great! SASHA: Stay away from camera First step, we need to file the DMCA takedown notice.
- What's the point? - He's right.
Once it's processed, anyone who's clickbait happy will have seen it.
4.
2K views in just over an hour.
It's incredible.
Do you want to brand it with the network logo, Jeremy? It's not a bad idea.
As long as it doesn't obscure the arse.
Do we know who leaked it? It doesn't take Inspector Morse, does it? It wasn't necessarily Erica.
The fact that you jumped to that conclusion without me even saying her name suggests otherwise.
She does kind of have the clearest motive.
Regardless of who leaked it We could check video archive access logs.
Regardless of who leaked it, we need to figure out a containment strategy.
We stay strong.
Let Eric be Eric.
Eric can't mansplain this away.
He needs to apologise publicly tomorrow.
That would be a terrible move.
It will weaken Eric's brand.
Eric's brand is the Hindenburg, Jeremy, and we are gonna go down in flames with it.
We could present it as a kind of non-apology.
- That could work.
- Taken out of context.
Locker room, blah, boys will be blah blah.
Sexual harassment, blah.
Massive settlement, blah.
Explain that to your dad.
Blah, blah, blah.
Blah.
I want eyes on Eric ASAP.
I don't want his fingers anywhere near the internet.
Jeremy, you're his point person.
You point him in the direction of this office.
Get Erica on the phone.
I want to know how she plans to respond.
Right.
That's it.
Everybody back to work.
I love it when she's like this.
MIMI: Oh, I totally understand.
With Lil being away and you and Vincent being so close No.
No, no, no.
everybody playing musical chairs It's all so sudden.
No, that's That's not it.
I I just feel like sometimes, you know, everyone else has these these big, proper lives, and I'm happy for them, but I'm just kind of floating, you know? Sim, there's nothing wrong with that.
I spent my whole life doing it properly, you know.
Proper C-section, proper mortgage, proper divorce.
Enjoy it.
You're single.
Mimi, you're single.
Young and single.
You are a smart, smoking goddess and you have all the freedom and no responsibility.
I have an idea.
I think that we should get frocked up and go out and get you back in the game.
No.
Definitely not.
- See, that is your problem.
- No.
See, no more nos.
No.
You've gotta say no to no and say yes instead.
Actually, if I were to say yes Oh! You said it! would I be able to wear that jacket? Yes! - Take it! - Yeah.
Look, it's Eric.
It doesn't need to be funny.
Funny runs the risk of being smug.
- Heartfelt is better.
- Ah, heartfelt? But not treacly.
I don't want Eric inducing hyperglycaemic shock in our viewers.
Just a genuine apology.
Yeah, yep, Lily, I understand.
It's okay.
It should be over soon, sweetie.
Here we go.
- Need you to hold her arm, mate.
- Ah, yep.
Is that Vincent? Yeah, he's about to come at my child with a giant needle.
It's always worse for the parent, mate.
You want to lie down? It's okay, sweetie.
So, Meredith came around? Um.
Not exactly.
She doesn't know? She will do eventually.
What was I meant to do? She wouldn't listen to reason.
Okay.
Wow.
Look, no, I know nothing of parenting politics, but this is a pretty significant breach, yeah? Um, I've gotta go, Lil.
I don't think you should No, no, Pete Okay, here we go, sweetie.
Here we go.
- He's just got a big - You ready? It looks scary but it's gonna be okay.
- (DING!) - He never gets back to me on time.
The arse man cometh.
Right.
What are we doing about the leak? We've sent an email around to everyone reminding them An email!? An email, Lily? Oh, come on! I want names.
I want heads to roll.
Waste of time.
Let's focus on fixing this.
I will find the rat.
No one hangs you out to dry and gets away with it.
- Not on my watch.
- Good.
In the meantime, we've got Pete writing up a statement for you to say.
Well, I'm not apologising.
Not an apology.
A clarification.
Et tu, J-Man? I said nothing wrong! I love women! And that was a compliment.
Lily, does Jack tell you he likes your arse? He's my boyfriend.
I like your arse.
Yours too, Alice.
Really? Yes, I'm only human.
I'll have a statement ready for you to read first thing tomorrow morning.
Live.
Is this a pick-up joint? - Are they all here to - No.
Australian men can't make a move until after midnight.
- These are magnificent.
- Stop it! I feel like an old wildebeest that the hyenas have separated from the pack.
You're a gazelle, graceful and sleek, pronking and jinking in the dating savannah.
Excuse me, she will have a espresso Martini this time.
She will have a double Martini, dry as the Serengeti.
Oh, yes.
Yes! He'll read this to camera? I want him to read it directly to Erica.
I want to get her on the couch tomorrow.
I'm not giving a pedestal to someone who's attacked our show repeatedly.
We fired her.
So? I was fired.
You take it like a grown up and you get them long game.
You don't declare war in public.
Assuming she leaked the tape.
Who else would? Anyone with a cervix.
This isn't going away.
Eric needs to apologise and he will do it if it's face to face.
What's your play with Eric? Because he won't go near that couch if he knows Erica's on it.
Surprise attack.
Right now, though, I'm more worried about finding Erica.
She's not answering any calls, we don't know where she is.
Things to remember about Erica, one, she's a chronic insomniac, and two, an arse like that needs a lot of maintenance.
Ah, Lily.
I was wondering how long it would take you to find me.
Look, I'm not interested.
It's a chance for you to tell your side of the story.
Like court, where the victim faces the convicted criminal.
Lily, I'm not a victim.
I really don't give a shit what Eric thinks about my arse.
The guy is a pig and I'm sick of pigs.
So come on the show and tell him that.
Lily, you're only interested in the ratings.
I mean, why would I do any favours for The Breakfast Bar? Because it was your home for a decade and you could've leaked that clip ages ago.
You could've leaked any number of clips, and you didn't.
And how do you know I didn't leak the clip? Because I did.
I want our show back.
And I need you.
(LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR) - (KNOCKING CONTINUES) - You there, Mims? SIMONE: Mimi! Mimi! Someone's at the door! (KNOCKING CONTINUES) - Hi.
- Hi.
Uh I've come to do the gutters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I'll get started, eh? Mimi! Mims? (PHONE RINGS) (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Hey, Mum! - Hi! - Hey.
What are you doing here? Uh I I just slept here.
Okay.
You and my mum, BFFs? Oh.
That's Where is she? Um, just a sec.
Okay.
Sim, I can't talk right now, sorry.
I was just wandering, by any chance are you with your mum? No, I'm at work.
Why? No reason.
Um, have a great show.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, but it turns out I am pretty sure I've lost your mum.
ERIC: Coming up after the break DALE: Go to a commercial in five, four, three Ready? You're a strong, powerful, brave, blonde woman and you go up there.
Lily, I don't need the pep talk.
I'm gonna eat him alive.
Ah, can I get a mic on? Hello, Nikkii.
Hello, Eric.
- Oh, my God! Erica.
- Hello, everyone.
Look, I just thought it was time we could put this whole arsegate thing behind us, so to speak.
(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY) This is an ambush.
No, it's a conversation.
Nikkii, you're referee.
Ooh! Yay! Lily, I'll read the statement, but I will not grovel The statement is one thing but this is a bad call.
- I'm pulling the segment.
- Sasha's already approved it.
Well, I'm gonna get her to unapprove it.
Tell me, Eric, what exactly did you say in my defence when they boned me? I bought a fruit basket! Yeah.
You didn't say a word.
Back to Nikkii in three, two, one.
Welcome back, and have we got an exclusive for you.
Too light.
Trust yourself.
Some things are so important, they need to be discussed IRL, away from the mudslinging and the blame game of the internet.
So please welcome back to the couch Erica - temporarily.
- (BOTH LAUGH) Thank you so much, Nikkii.
I would love to say that it's a pleasure being back, but Eric's reception thus far has been frosty.
Boom, girl point.
I was I was somewhat surprised.
Surprised! Were you surprised, Eric? You know what, I was surprised too when I found out that all of Australia was assessing whether my arse was a ratings winner or not.
Which it is.
And how did that make you feel? Oh, feel.
Feel.
Everybody's got so many feeeeelings these days.
Look, I'm not a perfect person.
I've said and done things I regret.
But for a woman in the public arena, we are crucified for every outfit choice, for every haircut, the size of our bust, the size of our backsides, even though you can't even see them behind a desk half the time.
I mean, who cares what our IQ is, right? As long as we don't have cellulite.
Am I right? - Yeah.
- Exactly.
I mean, we are pilloried, we are objectified, we are judged, we are trolled, and if we try to push back, we're told to just swallow it.
And no, Eric, that is not a euphemism.
- (STUTTERS) - So try it, ladies.
Try and push back.
And what will you be? Yeah, you'll be a crazy feminazi cat woman.
Me? That makes me angry.
Does that make you angry, Nikkii? Yes, it does.
So, yes, Eric.
That video made me angry, not because I care what you think about my arse but because my colleague for 15 years, who I thought saw me as an equal, actually just sees me as another piece of meat.
Slay, Mummy, slay.
Get ready to zoom in.
And what would it take, Erica, for you to forgive Eric? Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on a minute.
Nikkii, I'm not asking for her forgiveness.
I I Look, people who know me, people who really know me, know that those words those words don't reflect who I really am.
- Eric - Come on! It's not about forgiveness.
You need to walk a mile in a woman's shoes and then you would understand why that video was so offensive and why it hurt me so much.
Ding, ding! Round one.
We'll be back.
I'll be back.
NIKKII: Alice, I don't like the folded chips.
I like the flat ones.
How many calories in every chip? Knock knock.
Good show.
Yeah.
That one was.
Something to be proud of.
Award-winning, maybe.
Wouldn't go that far.
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you out with Sasha.
- Hey - With the time crunch.
Thank you for sparing me the backlash that's coming.
Eric will have to either decide to exit or he'll be rotated out.
I'm so relieved not to have my fingerprints on the show that burnt The Breakfast Bar to the ground.
Little dramatic.
We get a clean slate tomorrow.
Eric can win back goodwill.
Hell of a gamble.
Yeah, Lil, have you seen this? "Hot chef sizzles on screen.
" - Four stars.
- Wow.
So many sexy cooking terms.
Sizzling, spicy, steamy.
I did not know they were engaged.
Jack and Gillian.
- Where does it say that? - The profile on them.
Yay for exes working together.
Okay.
What's this? 17 spicy chicken sliders, for $102.
That's impressive.
- Hang on.
So, yes to everything? - Yes.
And this is my mother we're talking about? - Yes.
- Can you please stop saying that? Yes.
Sorry, no.
I mean, I had to say yes to that, didn't I? How can you not remember three hours? Uh, judgy.
You once didn't remember getting a tattoo of Tweety Bird.
It was a fake tattoo and I I don't need I'm not the one Just can you show me the photos, please? You have to admit, she looks really hot.
Oh! Ah! - (LAUGHS) - All right, come on.
I've only had two drinks.
Is that Bernard? Did you hook up with Bernard? - No.
- You're sure? Within those three missing hours, you didn't hook up with? No.
'Cause he wasn't there.
But then he was.
I know the owner and I'm gonna have your badges.
Hey, hey, hey, Joe, Joe! It's all good.
The ladies are with me.
- Yeah, I actually do know the owner.
- It's Bernard! Yeah, yeah, it's me, I'm here.
- St Bernard! - Oh! Yeah! - Huh.
- Huh, what? Call him and ask him if he's seen my mother, please.
All right, all right.
But can I just say that this paternalistic, like, protective thing? Sim.
It's really Oedipal and we're gonna have to talk about this at length.
Simone.
- (DIAL TONE) - (WHISPERS) I'm calling him.
BERNARD: How low can you go? Hi.
Hi, Bernard.
- Um, it's Sim, Lily's - Oh, yeah.
I was just wondering, have you seen her mum, Mimi, by any chance? Oh, yeah, she's here.
She's here.
She's here.
D'you want to speak to her? I can put her on.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, cool.
Come on.
(AIRILY) Hellooo! Mimi.
Hi, how are you? (WHISPERS) Oh, God, Sim.
Oh, thank God it's you.
I thought it was one of the kids and it'd just be Mum.
Mum.
- What's happened? - Are you okay? Everything okay? What can I do? No, hi, darling.
I'm fine.
Mum! And in fact, I just ran into your friend Bernard, of all the things! - Hello! (LAUGHS) - Hello.
Can they hear me? Tell him to come.
Come and meet us.
There's a seat here.
We'll get an extra seat in.
Hey.
Found the thing.
Simone called, Vincent called, Mimi called three times.
(SIGHS) Hi.
Hey, get any sleep? Thanks.
Managed to save Eric from himself? Why didn't you just tell me you were engaged? Who told you that? It doesn't matter.
Actually, you know what? No, it does, because I didn't snoop.
I want that on record.
I have not been jealous.
Okay.
Noted.
- Do you want to ask me about it? - No.
Yes.
I guess I had the impression that it was serious and you never gave me the impression it was that serious.
Or do you just propose to every girlfriend now? Sorry, that was unfair.
It was serious.
And it ended because? I think she told me to grow up, go to rehab and then she threw the engagement ring at my head.
See, I thought you left her.
It ended.
What's the difference? You were wiping food off each other's chins.
Since when did chin wiping become foreplay? What's gonna happen when you go on the road together? Nothing.
Work.
Right.
Work.
Yeah.
'Cause you work so well together, unlike you and I.
I'm just the commitment-phobic girlfriend who dragged you back to Melbourne, who you have nothing in common with.
She's been cranky all night.
No surprises, though.
She's probably picking up on the tension between us.
Yeah.
How did we go from co-parenting to trench warfare? Th I've been doing some research and we should get her vaccinated.
Really? Well, everything but rubella.
I'm just not over the line on that one yet.
Okay.
Well I think it's definitely still as safe as the others, but that's that's awesome.
If you've read through the things and we Yeah, well Yeah.
I'm going to take her for her six-month check-up next week, so I'll just do it then.
Oh Well, I mean, I could just do it tomorrow.
- No.
I'll do it next week.
- Are you sure? I can get time off work.
The boss loves me so I can sort it out.
Pete.
I'm gonna be there.
Yeah.
I just, um I know you hate needles, though, and I can hear and I just Oh, well, let's just do it together.
- Yeah? - Right.
(BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY) What? See, I (CLEARS THROAT) The thing is, I See, the thing is, I might have already done it.
What, you booked it? No, I mean, like, I I've done it.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have gone behind your back.
It was a massive overstep, but I just kept picturing Manisha with whooping cough or measles and just in distress, you know, and I thought of - I cannot live with you anymore.
- What? I want to move in with Mitchell.
Wait.
He's asked me and he he knows me and Oh, wow.
He doesn't lie to me.
Meredith.
LILY: It was ugly.
PETE: Like, full green Lily the Hulk ugly? You are only getting away with that because your problems are bigger than mine right now.
It's true, they are.
So I'm like a drop-in dad now.
Part-time at best.
All for doing the right thing.
Oh, come on, Pete.
What did you think was gonna happen? I don't know.
Slap across the wrist.
Across the face, at worst.
Not this.
Well, you took drastic action, so did she.
Yeah, I did it for our daughter.
Well, maybe she thought she was too.
So, what, you agree with her? No, I'm saying you can't raise kids together without trust.
Ask my parents.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Speaking of.
Mum.
She keeps on calling me.
Yep.
Mum, hi, look, I can't talk right now.
Please stop avoiding my calls.
I'm not avoiding you.
It's been a really hectic week.
- Have you spoken to your brother? - No.
Why? Oh, nothing.
I I I just need to talk to you.
It's important.
What, like, rearranging the furniture important or health problem? Probably somewhere in between the two.
(CHUCKLES) Uh Do you want to come to lunch tomorrow? - Okay.
- Okay.
Is every thing Bye.
Uh Eric post.
"Tune in tomorrow as I bid adieu to The Breakfast Bar forever.
" Really? Lots of sad face emojis.
Really? And his arse.
He's mooning us adieu.
(BABY BABBLES) We have to go see him.
Why me? - Bring the baby.
- What? - Yep.
- Why? Backup.
You can't attack a woman with a baby.
You're not using my baby as a human shield.
- ERIC: You.
- Yes.
You?! Yep.
You? We need to start moving forward now.
How? Why, Lily, why? I wanted to give you a wake-up call.
Oh, well, I'm "woke" now.
(SIGHS) I honestly never wanted you gone.
Beer? Port? I'll take a beer.
Me too.
You don't get a drink today, missy.
- What did upstairs say? - What did upstairs say? I'll tell you what they said.
They said, "You look a bit tired, Eric.
"Maybe a little holiday might be just the ticket.
" What we have here is a classic redemption story.
(GROANS) If you just apologise, this will all I wasn't wrong.
I Look, man to man, do you think I'm sexist? Well, I mean, you do have a photo of a young woman in a swimsuit on your wall.
That's my daughter.
My eldest.
Her mother moved to Shanghai when she was little.
I never get to see her.
I don't even have a decent photo.
I had to buy that in a store.
Well, she's a model.
Got her dad's genes.
My daughter's moving out with her mum too.
It's not quite as far as Shanghai.
And what are you doing about it? Uh Uh? - Well, I can't - Arrh.
- I mean, it's not - (MOCKS PETE) You listen to me.
You need to do whatever you need to do to stay a part of that little one's life.
Believe me.
Six Logies, two gold.
That right there, that beautiful little bundle, that's the best thing you'll ever do.
(BABY BABBLES) - A-bubby-bubby-boo! - (BABY BABBLES) See, that's the that's the Eric Australia needs to see.
Come on, clap your hands.
Yes, let's clap! Clap your hands.
Clap, clap, clap.
- (BABY BABBLES) - (LAUGHS) Clap your hands.
Do you know what? Right now you're the only woman in Australia who doesn't think I'm an arsehole.
- (LAUGHS) - (BABY LAUGHS) - Where's it going? - (BABY BABBLES) Did you see that smile? She's smiling.
(LAUGHS) Just pimped out my daughter to save your show.
Television.
You're now one of us.
Whoo! NIKKII: Good morning, Australia.
On yesterday's show, my co-host Eric was confronted with some powerful accusations and we felt it only fair to give him a right of reply.
Good luck, mate.
(CLEARS THROAT) Morning.
Morning.
Well, um, the last few days have opened my eyes.
Dare I say it, Erica was right.
I did need to walk a mile in her shoes.
And how do those shoes feel, Eric? Well, a little uncomfortable, to tell you the truth, but they do give my derrière a bit of a lift, do you think? Hey? But seriously, men and women, well, it's like yin and yang.
Bee and flower.
And there can be no Eric without Erica.
I want you back.
So, here's an apology.
To you, Erica.
And to the women of Australia, and to my daughters.
Who knows, maybe they're watching somewhere too.
(CLEARS THROAT) Anyway.
Here we go.
Sometimes we say things inappropriate and dumb I know I shouldn't have said what I said about your bum It was uncalled for and frankly uncouth But I love you with all my heart and you know that's the truth Just like Christmas without a tree There's no you without me (CLEARS THROAT) To all you wonderful women and girls everywhere Please don't think for a second that I That I don't really care It's never my intention to upset or offend And I never wanted to lose my very best friend Erica, without ya, I'm so blue There's no me without you Don't worry, Nikkii.
You're not through.
Oh, thank God.
There's no me without you (LAUGHS) Still let Eric be Eric, but palatable.
I think it's time we got on the same side, Woodward.
I'm on a roll.
I'll just keep going, shall I? (GILLIAN LAUGHS) This is this is nice.
You know, I don't have that many girlfriends left in Melbourne.
We should've had you over sooner.
- Mmm.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
- Please.
It has been a day.
Yeah, and the worst part was waking up to discover that I'd partaken in a one night stand.
With one of your friends.
Well, at least I thought it was a one night stand.
It's just he's just called to ask me to lunch.
Are you going to say yes? I think it would be very rude to say no.
Very dangerous, this saying yes to everything.
- Good for her.
- I guess.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I probably need to apologise.
I'm a little bit I went crazy girlfriend on Jack.
It's not you.
There are some gaps in my knowledge.
I can imagine.
I didn't know that you two were engaged until that article.
Oh, Jack's terrible at talking about the past.
He is, isn't he? He always draws a line in the sand and then he cuts you out.
- Yes! - Yes.
Yep.
Hmm.
I'm sorry.
I've being that ex-girlfriend.
No.
No.
It's I actually think I'm learning a lot.
What else do you want to know? - We all right out here? - Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
- Fine.
Get back in the kitchen.
PETE: There's just no excuse for it.
I mean, I was just wrong on so many levels and in so many different dimensions and I want you to know I'm really, really sorry.
And if you feel like we can't get back to what we had, then I totally understand that.
But I want you to know I will do whatever it takes to stay part of Manisha's life.
Move in with us, then.
Sorry? Of course you're gonna stay part of Manisha's life.
I'm not gonna deny her a father because of your stupidity.
Ah, right Sorry, you mean move in to Mitchell's? We still have our trust stuff to work through.
MITCHELL: Together.
The three of us? Well, four us, actually.
I just think it's the best thing for Manisha.
Well I mean, thanks for the that offer Look, I'm fine with it, Pete.
There's a whole section of the house that's underutilised.
You'd be doing me a favour.
I really appreciate how generous you're being and how open-minded you are about all this.
I just just a bit taken aback.
That's all.
I was expecting a custody battle and then we got a share house.
(LAUGHS) You said whatever it takes.
JACK: Feels like we just got in here.
I really don't want to go.
I don't want you to go either.
We'll be fine.
- We'll talk every day, yeah? - I don't know.
That sounds excessive.
So, uh Mimi and Bernard, huh? Yes.
So, what do you think it was like? Do you think he undressed her carefully? - No, don't you dare.
- Caressed her face Don't! No! Stop it! I'm just trying to help you work through it.
- Will you stop? Oh.
- Oh, Bernard, oh.
Fine! Hang on a minute! - You're being Mimi in this situation? - Oh, Bernard! Oh! (CAR HORN BEEPS) Oh, that'll be her.
I guess I should be grateful - we didn't finish that role play.
- (TEXT MESSAGE ALERT) Yes, Gillian.
I know it's you.
But promise me you will stand on her wrong side and stop showing so much dimple.
It's unsightly.
I promise.
And let's talk every day.
Okay.
I love ya.
- Hey! - (SQUEALS) - Mwah! Let's do this.
- Yeah.
- Ready? - Yeah, sorry.
No, no, I'm good.
I love you too.
Did something happen with you and Gillian? - Lil, sorry, now's not the right time.
- Well, it's gonna have to be.