Todd & the Book of Pure Evil (2010) s02e04 Episode Script
Simply the Beast
Pretty amazing, huh? It was incredible! It was.
Period.
The sexy movements make me horny.
Wow! Thanks, Todd! That's the idea, yeah! He's not watching you.
He's cheer-leering.
They move so gracefully.
Like swans.
Bird-like swans Can we go already? Fine, but I get to look at your butt on the way out.
Oh great! No you don't.
Mmm, yeah Hey, thanks again for showing me that uh that thing what did you call it? Practice? Yeah! I'm gonna be so much better now.
Well, anything for a man in uniform.
It's more of a costume.
Don't ruin it.
Okay Our killer cheer! Show it to me! Now! Go! That's it, one of you is going home and I want a name.
Crystal's the one with the cankles.
At least my tits don't smell like blue cheese.
Stop fighting! We should be working together.
Yeah, says you, Noodle Arms Noodle arms ruined our cheer.
A cheerleading squad must be tough like a chain, and the weak links must be eliminated.
You're the weak link, Ariel! If we were allowed to eat Enough complaining! You're off the squad.
Looks like it's back to the honour roll for you.
And the rest of you don't pay attention to her! Sorry, Ariel.
You know I totally didn't mean it.
Yeah, we're still BFFs, right Noodle Arms? Ugh! What's her problem? I don't know, she's probably hungry? I order you to put down your snacks and help me brainstorm.
Your father never needed our help.
He always came up with the plans himself.
He was the leader.
Or are you saying you're not as wise as he was? I am twice as wise.
And once I become the pure evil one, I will show you all.
Now begone.
Hey when are we gonna kill this dipshit? Patience.
Begone! Look who comes asking for my help! After what you did, cutting off my head.
Let's put the past behind us, father.
I need your help.
The minions won't listen to me.
It's like they have no respect for me.
Don't worry about them, Atticus.
Do what you must! Be a man.
Get that book.
But how do I do that, father?! Bait the book.
Spring the trap.
Seize the power.
Bait the book.
Spring the trap.
Seize the power.
Yes I suppose that makes sense.
Come closer, Atticus.
You've failed before but this time I've got a good feeling.
You can do it, my son.
Thank you, father.
You're very wise.
But I'm twice as wise I'm gonna have to give somebody a shampoo! The Beast The Beast Dudes people are saying something ate the cheerleader with the Noodle Arms.
What people? Us.
We're calling it "The Beast.
" The Beast! The Beast! The Beast! The Beast! The Beast.
The Beast! Ok, stop calling it that! We don't know what happened! And if she got eaten, guys where's the blood? Yep, I was thinking the same thing.
Oh, hi gang.
Are you here too? Stop spying on us, douche! Too late.
I heard everything.
I know all about The Beast And I will find it before you! Bait book, spring trap, seize the power What a waste of a perfectly good cheerleading uniform! It's coming for us next I'm too pretty to die The Beast What kills cheerleaders and doesn't leave any blood behind? Maybe Noodle Arms used the book to stop her period, but the book ended up sucking all the blood out of her! And then she was eaten by The Beast! Seriously? There's no beast! Ok? A cheerleader has disappeared, so let's start there.
Hannah and I will join the cheerleaders and look for clues.
We will? You know Jenny's onto something with this whole cheerleader angle.
You're agreeing with me? But, she's all wrong.
There it is I spent a lot of time last night thinking about those cheerleaders.
The way they move.
The way they high-kick.
The way they shake their pom poms.
Were you jerking off when you were thinking about all this? That's not the point! I will train us to be like those cheerleaders! Unified! Graceful! And choreographed! And then we can defeat The Beast! You wanna train us to fight something that you made up? No.
All those in favour of training to fight? All those in favour of infiltrating the cheerleaders and then training never? But, Jenny Without my training, The Beast will kill you.
And rip up your clothes! I think I'll do just fine on my own.
Buh-bye.
So, it's cheerleaders you like to eat, is it? How about a cheerleader buffet? A ch-uffet.
Good news, maggots! There's a pep rally tomorrow, so I hope you brought your iron panties! Where is everyone? Everyone else quit because of The Beast! Weaklings.
Who needs them.
They're just dragging us down.
Our killer cheer! Show it to me! Now! Go! But, we can't without Ariel She's right.
According to the pep rally rule book, you need at least four cheerleaders on a squad.
Isn't that right, Wanda? Are you volunteering, skank? You call it volunteering, I call it saving your ass, slut.
Then I guess it's time to try on your outfit, jizztrap.
Bring it on Slut.
It's the only one we have left, Dickmitten.
It's all ripped up, so you can look like a whore right away.
Oh, I will.
Slut.
Oh Mmmm The Beast! It won't get me! Jasmine?! What's going on?! Whistle once if you're okay, twice if you're not.
Ah What are you screaming about?! This ain't some yoga thing, is it? No! I'm training them how to fight.
Oh Fine.
Proceed.
Yeah!!! Yeah!!! Yeah! Ugh! Ha.
You're doing it all wrong.
You have to do exactly as I do.
Don't put 'em in the box, Todd.
What are you talking about? I don't even have a box.
Anyway, I'm gonna go sleep somewhere else.
And by somewhere else I mean with a woman.
Remember, Todd don't put 'em in the box.
"Think outside the box" That's not what he said.
Quiet! I'm trying to think outside the box.
Ok, is this recreation or is this for training? Jimmy told me to think outside the box.
The box is not being high.
But you guys smoke marijuana all the time.
So, isn't this your version of thinking inside the box? Whoa.
I'm getting out of here before The Beast gets me too! I hear something! Uh oh.
Somebody's paranoid.
Wooooooo I didn't smoke anything! Hannah's just naturally paranoid, aren't you, sweetie? Ok, it's a scream! I heard a scream! Come on, we have to check it out! Huh-uh! Jenny! Nooooooooo! Ugh, it's not me.
It's Crystal.
Oh, yeah I, um I know.
Well, that leaves three cheerleaders.
Two! The Beast got Jasmine.
That means The Beast's next target is either Wanda or Bring it on.
Attention, students Regardless of the recent disappearances, A.
K.
A.
"Beast attacks", today's pep rally is still on.
I repeat, the pep rally is still on.
Thank you.
Bait the book, spring the trap, seize the power.
Jenny, you shouldn't be dressed like that! Especially on the day of the pep rally! The Beast will get you! Three cheerleaders disappeared yesterday.
Aren't you worried? We do this every week.
Obviously somebody's used the book and they're doing stuff with cheerleaders.
I'm staying undercover.
Well, it's time to get up-dercover.
Wow.
I hope you're better at finding beasts than you are at knowing words.
Buh-bye.
Jenny's self-destructive behavior has given me an idea.
What if, instead of one mascot at the pep rally there were three mascots? Cool! Who would they be? Us.
Undercover us.
The pep rally's in 15 minutes.
Where are we gonna get uniforms? That was those people Now, the real reason you're here The main course tasty, tasty cheerleaders.
Put your hands together, Crowley hi Those are some hairy bitches Wanda! Ruuuuuun!!! Gasp! Thwack! Ugh! Puny cheerleader I was once like you.
I was the weakest link! But then I used the book.
Then we used the book! Now, we are The Beast! Ugh! Now everybody put your hands in the air! She said put your hands in the fucking air! Now, cheer!!! I want a name! Not cheering loud enough! Smoosh! Ugh! Hey, buddy, are you okay? Holy fucking shit, dude! Totally! Gang! Assemble! So what do we do? I was hoping you had an idea! Sweater dude! Where you off to, man? Just thought I'd take a walk in the park Clear my head.
Don't tell me you're running away from your destiny? No, I'm running away from some butch chicks! They've got muscles, and moustaches, and they uh! and ahhhhh! Dude! You need to man up.
Don't be such a loser, loser.
You are right I am the pure evil one.
I can do whatever I put my mind to.
That's the spirit, sweater dude.
Now march the fuck back in there and grab up your hairy nuts off those teenage girls, man! I shall.
Fucking say it louder, pussy! I shall!!! Show me! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! I shall!!!! Too easy.
Ok, enough waiting let's do this remember the most important thing is to not get a hole punched through your head.
Yeah!!! Bait! The! Book! Spring! The! Trap! Seize! The! Power! You've! Got something! That I want! Gimme that belt! Ooooooooohhhhhh! No! Anybody else have anything they wanna say? Ye-ah!!! I hope you juice heads are ready for a fight, because we're gonna punch your dicks so hard they go back inside you and look like vaginae again!!! Curtis, whore frost chop! Hannah, stonehenge kamikaze! Jenny, fart rhapsody! Fart rhapsody? Ready? Chaaaarge! Todd! Don't put 'em in a box.
That's it Hannah! Quick! Gimme some science! Pinch the posterior auricular nerve! I don't know what that is! Behind the ear! Curtis, gimme some pep! Gimme a T! T! Gimme an O! O! Gimme a D! D! Gimme a D! D! What do you got? Todd! What do you got?! Todd!!! Todd! Todd! Todd! The crowd's turning against us! They don't love us anymore! Quick! Our killer cheer! Go! They're getting closer! They're not stopping! Jenny! Do what you do best! What's that?! Crush their spirits! I don't know how! Crushing your spirit comes naturally to me! Improvise! Go! Hey, sluts! Is that really the best you got? No You're a bunch of big hairy Sluts Cock pockets Cock pockets! No wonder the crowd's against you! You're a bunch of Ball dockers! Ball dockers! And I heard that tramp Said that you're both Jizz magicians! Wha? Because they make jizz disappear.
Oooh, yeah Well, if you ask me Ariel's the jizz magician.
Isn't that right, Noodle Arms? I do not have Noodle Arms anymore! I'm I'm The weakest link! Get her! Yeah!!! So Does this mean you're not a cheerleader anymore? You know it was just to find the book.
Yeah, but I mean You're still gonna keep the uniform, right? Only in your dreams, Todd.
How can you sit there and banter? Don't you realize what this means? The school just got a lot less bitchy? The Beast is still out there! No no, it isn't, Curtis.
The cheerleaders were The Beast, dude.
I think we learned a valuable lesson about teamwork, and that lesson is That my leadership clinched our victory! Thank you, Hannah! That's not what I was going to say I talked them into killing each other.
Because I told you to do it.
It was Jimmy's idea.
I implemented it.
I was undercover.
We were also undercover.
We killed that pep rally! Yeah! I said bait the book, Atticus.
Not strengthen Todd Smith and his gang! I will, I will find a way to get the book, father.
I swear.
No, Atticus! You will do what you always do.
Fail.
Fail, fail, fail! Fail! Fail! Quiet! I'm the pure evil one! You're just a head in a cooler.
Period.
The sexy movements make me horny.
Wow! Thanks, Todd! That's the idea, yeah! He's not watching you.
He's cheer-leering.
They move so gracefully.
Like swans.
Bird-like swans Can we go already? Fine, but I get to look at your butt on the way out.
Oh great! No you don't.
Mmm, yeah Hey, thanks again for showing me that uh that thing what did you call it? Practice? Yeah! I'm gonna be so much better now.
Well, anything for a man in uniform.
It's more of a costume.
Don't ruin it.
Okay Our killer cheer! Show it to me! Now! Go! That's it, one of you is going home and I want a name.
Crystal's the one with the cankles.
At least my tits don't smell like blue cheese.
Stop fighting! We should be working together.
Yeah, says you, Noodle Arms Noodle arms ruined our cheer.
A cheerleading squad must be tough like a chain, and the weak links must be eliminated.
You're the weak link, Ariel! If we were allowed to eat Enough complaining! You're off the squad.
Looks like it's back to the honour roll for you.
And the rest of you don't pay attention to her! Sorry, Ariel.
You know I totally didn't mean it.
Yeah, we're still BFFs, right Noodle Arms? Ugh! What's her problem? I don't know, she's probably hungry? I order you to put down your snacks and help me brainstorm.
Your father never needed our help.
He always came up with the plans himself.
He was the leader.
Or are you saying you're not as wise as he was? I am twice as wise.
And once I become the pure evil one, I will show you all.
Now begone.
Hey when are we gonna kill this dipshit? Patience.
Begone! Look who comes asking for my help! After what you did, cutting off my head.
Let's put the past behind us, father.
I need your help.
The minions won't listen to me.
It's like they have no respect for me.
Don't worry about them, Atticus.
Do what you must! Be a man.
Get that book.
But how do I do that, father?! Bait the book.
Spring the trap.
Seize the power.
Bait the book.
Spring the trap.
Seize the power.
Yes I suppose that makes sense.
Come closer, Atticus.
You've failed before but this time I've got a good feeling.
You can do it, my son.
Thank you, father.
You're very wise.
But I'm twice as wise I'm gonna have to give somebody a shampoo! The Beast The Beast Dudes people are saying something ate the cheerleader with the Noodle Arms.
What people? Us.
We're calling it "The Beast.
" The Beast! The Beast! The Beast! The Beast! The Beast.
The Beast! Ok, stop calling it that! We don't know what happened! And if she got eaten, guys where's the blood? Yep, I was thinking the same thing.
Oh, hi gang.
Are you here too? Stop spying on us, douche! Too late.
I heard everything.
I know all about The Beast And I will find it before you! Bait book, spring trap, seize the power What a waste of a perfectly good cheerleading uniform! It's coming for us next I'm too pretty to die The Beast What kills cheerleaders and doesn't leave any blood behind? Maybe Noodle Arms used the book to stop her period, but the book ended up sucking all the blood out of her! And then she was eaten by The Beast! Seriously? There's no beast! Ok? A cheerleader has disappeared, so let's start there.
Hannah and I will join the cheerleaders and look for clues.
We will? You know Jenny's onto something with this whole cheerleader angle.
You're agreeing with me? But, she's all wrong.
There it is I spent a lot of time last night thinking about those cheerleaders.
The way they move.
The way they high-kick.
The way they shake their pom poms.
Were you jerking off when you were thinking about all this? That's not the point! I will train us to be like those cheerleaders! Unified! Graceful! And choreographed! And then we can defeat The Beast! You wanna train us to fight something that you made up? No.
All those in favour of training to fight? All those in favour of infiltrating the cheerleaders and then training never? But, Jenny Without my training, The Beast will kill you.
And rip up your clothes! I think I'll do just fine on my own.
Buh-bye.
So, it's cheerleaders you like to eat, is it? How about a cheerleader buffet? A ch-uffet.
Good news, maggots! There's a pep rally tomorrow, so I hope you brought your iron panties! Where is everyone? Everyone else quit because of The Beast! Weaklings.
Who needs them.
They're just dragging us down.
Our killer cheer! Show it to me! Now! Go! But, we can't without Ariel She's right.
According to the pep rally rule book, you need at least four cheerleaders on a squad.
Isn't that right, Wanda? Are you volunteering, skank? You call it volunteering, I call it saving your ass, slut.
Then I guess it's time to try on your outfit, jizztrap.
Bring it on Slut.
It's the only one we have left, Dickmitten.
It's all ripped up, so you can look like a whore right away.
Oh, I will.
Slut.
Oh Mmmm The Beast! It won't get me! Jasmine?! What's going on?! Whistle once if you're okay, twice if you're not.
Ah What are you screaming about?! This ain't some yoga thing, is it? No! I'm training them how to fight.
Oh Fine.
Proceed.
Yeah!!! Yeah!!! Yeah! Ugh! Ha.
You're doing it all wrong.
You have to do exactly as I do.
Don't put 'em in the box, Todd.
What are you talking about? I don't even have a box.
Anyway, I'm gonna go sleep somewhere else.
And by somewhere else I mean with a woman.
Remember, Todd don't put 'em in the box.
"Think outside the box" That's not what he said.
Quiet! I'm trying to think outside the box.
Ok, is this recreation or is this for training? Jimmy told me to think outside the box.
The box is not being high.
But you guys smoke marijuana all the time.
So, isn't this your version of thinking inside the box? Whoa.
I'm getting out of here before The Beast gets me too! I hear something! Uh oh.
Somebody's paranoid.
Wooooooo I didn't smoke anything! Hannah's just naturally paranoid, aren't you, sweetie? Ok, it's a scream! I heard a scream! Come on, we have to check it out! Huh-uh! Jenny! Nooooooooo! Ugh, it's not me.
It's Crystal.
Oh, yeah I, um I know.
Well, that leaves three cheerleaders.
Two! The Beast got Jasmine.
That means The Beast's next target is either Wanda or Bring it on.
Attention, students Regardless of the recent disappearances, A.
K.
A.
"Beast attacks", today's pep rally is still on.
I repeat, the pep rally is still on.
Thank you.
Bait the book, spring the trap, seize the power.
Jenny, you shouldn't be dressed like that! Especially on the day of the pep rally! The Beast will get you! Three cheerleaders disappeared yesterday.
Aren't you worried? We do this every week.
Obviously somebody's used the book and they're doing stuff with cheerleaders.
I'm staying undercover.
Well, it's time to get up-dercover.
Wow.
I hope you're better at finding beasts than you are at knowing words.
Buh-bye.
Jenny's self-destructive behavior has given me an idea.
What if, instead of one mascot at the pep rally there were three mascots? Cool! Who would they be? Us.
Undercover us.
The pep rally's in 15 minutes.
Where are we gonna get uniforms? That was those people Now, the real reason you're here The main course tasty, tasty cheerleaders.
Put your hands together, Crowley hi Those are some hairy bitches Wanda! Ruuuuuun!!! Gasp! Thwack! Ugh! Puny cheerleader I was once like you.
I was the weakest link! But then I used the book.
Then we used the book! Now, we are The Beast! Ugh! Now everybody put your hands in the air! She said put your hands in the fucking air! Now, cheer!!! I want a name! Not cheering loud enough! Smoosh! Ugh! Hey, buddy, are you okay? Holy fucking shit, dude! Totally! Gang! Assemble! So what do we do? I was hoping you had an idea! Sweater dude! Where you off to, man? Just thought I'd take a walk in the park Clear my head.
Don't tell me you're running away from your destiny? No, I'm running away from some butch chicks! They've got muscles, and moustaches, and they uh! and ahhhhh! Dude! You need to man up.
Don't be such a loser, loser.
You are right I am the pure evil one.
I can do whatever I put my mind to.
That's the spirit, sweater dude.
Now march the fuck back in there and grab up your hairy nuts off those teenage girls, man! I shall.
Fucking say it louder, pussy! I shall!!! Show me! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! I shall!!!! Too easy.
Ok, enough waiting let's do this remember the most important thing is to not get a hole punched through your head.
Yeah!!! Bait! The! Book! Spring! The! Trap! Seize! The! Power! You've! Got something! That I want! Gimme that belt! Ooooooooohhhhhh! No! Anybody else have anything they wanna say? Ye-ah!!! I hope you juice heads are ready for a fight, because we're gonna punch your dicks so hard they go back inside you and look like vaginae again!!! Curtis, whore frost chop! Hannah, stonehenge kamikaze! Jenny, fart rhapsody! Fart rhapsody? Ready? Chaaaarge! Todd! Don't put 'em in a box.
That's it Hannah! Quick! Gimme some science! Pinch the posterior auricular nerve! I don't know what that is! Behind the ear! Curtis, gimme some pep! Gimme a T! T! Gimme an O! O! Gimme a D! D! Gimme a D! D! What do you got? Todd! What do you got?! Todd!!! Todd! Todd! Todd! The crowd's turning against us! They don't love us anymore! Quick! Our killer cheer! Go! They're getting closer! They're not stopping! Jenny! Do what you do best! What's that?! Crush their spirits! I don't know how! Crushing your spirit comes naturally to me! Improvise! Go! Hey, sluts! Is that really the best you got? No You're a bunch of big hairy Sluts Cock pockets Cock pockets! No wonder the crowd's against you! You're a bunch of Ball dockers! Ball dockers! And I heard that tramp Said that you're both Jizz magicians! Wha? Because they make jizz disappear.
Oooh, yeah Well, if you ask me Ariel's the jizz magician.
Isn't that right, Noodle Arms? I do not have Noodle Arms anymore! I'm I'm The weakest link! Get her! Yeah!!! So Does this mean you're not a cheerleader anymore? You know it was just to find the book.
Yeah, but I mean You're still gonna keep the uniform, right? Only in your dreams, Todd.
How can you sit there and banter? Don't you realize what this means? The school just got a lot less bitchy? The Beast is still out there! No no, it isn't, Curtis.
The cheerleaders were The Beast, dude.
I think we learned a valuable lesson about teamwork, and that lesson is That my leadership clinched our victory! Thank you, Hannah! That's not what I was going to say I talked them into killing each other.
Because I told you to do it.
It was Jimmy's idea.
I implemented it.
I was undercover.
We were also undercover.
We killed that pep rally! Yeah! I said bait the book, Atticus.
Not strengthen Todd Smith and his gang! I will, I will find a way to get the book, father.
I swear.
No, Atticus! You will do what you always do.
Fail.
Fail, fail, fail! Fail! Fail! Quiet! I'm the pure evil one! You're just a head in a cooler.