Z Rock (2008) s02e04 Episode Script

Joey: Previously on "Z Rock" Dina: How excited am I that my boys are on their way to their first video shoot with Dave freakin' Navarro? Uh Dina, what are all these kids doing here? (rock music playing) I just got an amazing phone call.
I'm gonna be on "Celebrity Rehab.
" They got this hot nurse on there.
I've been wanting to bang her for a long time.
This is my shot, dude.
The unfortunate news is I can't finish this thing with you guys.
Dina: Navarro really screwed us.
Announcer: Tonight on "Celebrities Gone Mad" I have no problem calling casting, getting a girl down here who can act like a girl.
Now be a girl.
Get outta here.
Get off my set.
David: Check this out.
- Joey: Nice.
I like that.
- Thanks, man.
That's legendary soundtrack music right there.
Soundtrack? What movie is that from? - That's classic girl-on-girl porn.
- What? - You really get off on that? - Yeah, man.
Joe, what's your take on this? You know I don't watch porn.
I don't like that shit.
What do you watch? Girl on pepperoni? - Yeah, right? - That'd be nice, yeah.
So what do you do? I was actually laying in bed the other night, flipping through the channels.
Cartoon Network comes on.
I caught something I haven't seen in, like, 15 years "Josie and the Pussycats.
" - Melody, the drummer - Right.
leopard bikini.
- Oh my God.
Let me tell you something I almost made an animation baby.
What the hell is an animation baby? That's when you get a little too excited and something gets on the screen, seeps in, gets the cartoon pregnant.
Oh God.
- Was it a plasma TV? - It is now.
- (rock music playing) - We're a Brooklyn band ♪ It's rock 'n' roll we live ♪ ♪ But to pay the rent ♪ We gotta play for kids Yeah Are you ready? Are you ready to start the show? Z Rock coming Here we go.
Kids: Z Rock! Dina: Guys, I'm sorry to say this, but we're in a rut.
There's something missing.
People need something new and we're just the same old ZO2 every time.
How do you feel about upgrading our look? I've had the same look since third grade.
I'm not changing now.
We should upgrade "since third grade," don't you think? Why? If it's not broke, don't fix it, right? I'm saying it's a little broke.
We need some sort of change.
Like, you know, Def Leppard, Rick Allen remember when he lost his arm? Uh, what is this? Did he lose his arm or was it just a new look? - Are you crazy right now? - What? - You're kidding, right? - No, I mean, he really lost his arm.
But my point is remember how the band just got so much better? - Like, a one-armed drummer? - Are you kidding? Here's my point: Honey, maybe you could do something like a little makeup, like a little smudgy eyeliner.
Or we could bring a girl out that could sing one song with you or something like that.
David, you could grow, like, a goatee.
We could do, like, an evil thing.
- (gasps) You could wear horns.
- Horns? That I like.
That I'll do.
No, I'm not going on stage if Dave has horns on.
If we're gonna do something, we gotta do something different, yes.
I'll tell you what.
We're going out with Neil tonight.
That's different.
Maybe he can get us out of this rut.
- I mean, he thinks outside the box.
- Oh, he thinks way outside the box.
How about this place, huh? It's pretty sweet.
Well, can I tell you why I brought you guys out here tonight? Surprise! It's my birthday.
You threw a surprise birthday party for yourself? - I did, I did.
- And invited us? Just you guys.
I just wanna hang out with my close friends and lovers, you know? - Ugh.
- I mean, you guys pick who's who.
Oh my God, look at the body on the girl in the black.
Joey: Who could read a book sitting next to that piece of ass? - Joey: Holy shit, it's Dave Navarro.
- Paulie: Dave Navarro's here? Oh no, I love him.
- I tossed his salad once.
- Paulie: What? I used to work at The Olive Garden.
Get your minds out of the trash.
Dave Navarro! Hey, the guy is nuts.
We've worked with him before.
- Paulie: He's a fuckin' maniac.
- He's crazy.
Guys, ZO2.
- How you been, buddy? - Good to see you.
- Petey, right? - Paulie.
- And you are? - I'm Neil.
It's a pleasure.
Yeah, I bet it is.
What's going on, dudes? - What are you guys working on? - Writing a new record.
- Yeah, killer.
- What are you up to? - You touring? - I'm actually just chilling.
I'm working on personal music and some solo stuff.
L you know, what happens with a guy like me is that I'm so full of amazing ideas.
I'm writing scripts.
I'm writing books.
I got rock operas coming in left and right.
You know what I'm saying? I got too many ideas and fuck me if not every single one of them is brilliant.
Well, you know, listen, we don't wanna keep you if you got somewhere to go or Listen, I'm in town.
You guys are hanging out.
You guys are doing new material.
So we might wanna think about getting together and jamming sometime.
- That's a great idea.
- David: Any time.
Okay, sounds good.
I mean, I've always found that I become a better artist when I work with lesser artists than myself.
I'll tell you what, I got this book I'm reading over there.
I gotta get back to it.
But we're gonna rock tomorrow, right? - Absolutely.
- Yeah, dude? Hey, did you used to work at an Olive Garden? - I did.
Yes, I did.
- Fuckin' crazy.
All right, man.
What a city, New York, huh? Take it easy, guys.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- I told you he'd remember.
- Happy birthday.
Dina: Dave Navarro? Are you nuts? David: You said we needed to change up our look.
I just don't see what the harm is.
The harm is once you invite a vampire in past your threshold, that's when they can hurt you.
- You saw "Lost Boys," didn't ya? - Which one, 1 or 2? - Who the hell saw 2? - Who saw 2? The 2 that's what I'm saying.
I didn't see 2.
You guys want to invite him in, invite him in.
I'm going to get my eyebrows threaded by an Indian woman.
- See you later.
- Oh, okay.
- You know, that's not true.
- What? That's just a movie fact, man.
Vampires can hurt you whether you invite them in or not.
Uh, no, that is true.
You're safe unless you invite a vampire into your home or residence, and I know this because "The Lost Boys" say it, "True Blood" says it, and "Twilight" confirms it.
Well, obviously that's not true, you stupid.
Nobody invited David into the band and he's been sucking the life out of us for years.
Whoo! Daryl Hall.
What the fuck? Have we met? Ow, man.
Now do I look familiar? Not really.
Dina Malinski, 1988, Saint Augustine.
You said you were just gonna stick the tip in.
But you didn't, Daryl, did ya? And you got me pregnant and then you left me.
Aw shit, Dina.
I thought you took care of that.
Well, I didn't.
Your body absorb the fetus? No.
I had a baby, Daryl.
You have a son.
Daryl Hall has a son.
- Mazel tov.
- Thank you.
She said she's a-changin' But I'm still waitin'.
- What's up, guys? - Joey: Shit, Dave.
What's up, man? Good to see you.
Do me a favor, guys.
- Hop in there in the vocal booth - Okay.
and just, like, dance or something.
- Okay.
- Give us a little a little sugar.
You know what I mean? Just pretend like you're hearing music or something.
Getting back to the music it feels like it drags a little bit.
I know what you're saying, but it's because it has that, like, behind-the-beat feel.
- It's like that Bad Company - Without the Company, though.
Let's do you mind? Can l Yeah yeah, man.
We set you up over there.
- Play that groove for a second.
- All right.
All right.
- All right.
You got it.
- Dave: All right.
- You're a quick learner, man.
- Do it every other time, do an up beat.
So The other thing is it'd be nice if it shifted gears on the bridge.
Like, try a double-time thing.
So you want double time and still with the up beats? Yeah.
In fact, guys, double time on this one.
David: Yeah.
Whoo! - David: Dude.
- Dave: I don't know.
- It sounds a lot better to me.
- Yeah, it lifts it a little.
I know this is crazy, but would you want to play with us on Saturday? We're playing Webster Hall.
Are you kidding? I'd love to.
Webster Hall's awesome.
Well, technically it's beneath Webster Hall.
But still, it's the same address and everything with just an A at the end.
- But it's the same building.
- Fuck, yeah.
Why not? It's been so long since I've played, like, a seedy little place with just a few people out there.
It's been forever.
Daryl: I don't understand what happened.
I always use a condom.
In fact, it was the late '80s, so I double-bagged in those days.
Yeah, l I don't really know either.
I mean, all I could think is maybe there was some angry groupie that was poking holes in the condoms.
Highly unlikely.
But you know what? - But it's real, Daryl.
- It happened.
I got a son.
Let's go see him.
Um, well, he actually doesn't he doesn't live here.
- He doesn't live here? - No.
Where does he live? In Jersey? Um, no.
Curaçao.
- Curaçao? - Yeah.
You know where that is? Yeah, it's an island just off South America.
- It is? It is.
- Yeah.
Yes, that's it.
That one.
And what does he do in Curaçao? Uh he studies.
He's a student.
- He's a student? Oh.
- Yes.
What does he study? Um, do you know anything about science? No, I was always bad at science.
- He's a marine biology major.
- Really? What a surprise.
I would think he would be, like, a musician down there or something like that.
Well, I mean, he's musical.
Like, he appreciates my band ZO2 that I represent.
- You're a manager of a band? - I am.
A very great rock band, actually.
Wow, okay.
What else can you tell me about him? - Hi.
- Oh, hi.
Excuse me, Mr.
Hall.
Can I have your autograph? Sure.
What's your name? - Ashley.
- Ashley.
- How old are you? - I'm 20.
Well, you know what? I have a 20-year-old son.
- Really? What's his name? - Um, what's his name? - Uh Bob.
- Bob.
- Oh, nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Bob.
- Mm.
Bob Hall? Bob Malinski.
Bob Malinski.
It's got a ring to it, I suppose.
- Do you have a picture of him? - No, I don't.
Every mother has a picture of her son.
Come on.
Well, you know what? I might have one, actually.
Yes, I might have one picture that he sent me from Morocco.
- Morocco? - Uh, Curaçao.
Oh, here it is.
There you go.
Okay, let's see.
Wow, you know, he's got my smile.
- He's got my cheekbones.
- He does? But what's with the hair? Well, you know, it's very humid in Curaçao.
That was a freakin' good rehearsal.
Did you see Navarro went, like, down here on the neck? - He never does that stuff.
- We should ask him to join the band.
- Who? - Dave.
- What's wrong with you? - He's a mercenary anyway, right? He jumps from band to band.
Why not us? But why would Dave Navarro join our band? How do you know that we want Dave Navarro in the band? - Joey: Oh boy.
- Joining ZO2 that's the greatest honor that a man can bestow on another human being.
For him to just come in and like that no, it's impossible.
He has to prove to us that he is ZO2 worthy.
We have to put him through an initiation.
Joey: Yeah, okay, Dave Navarro is gonna join our band because he has nothing else better to do.
- (cell phone ringing) - Hello.
- Hey, Paulie, it's Neil.
- Hey, Neil, what's up? What's up? I got great news.
When people heard Navarro was playing with you, the line was around the block.
- The show sold out tonight.
- What? Sold out tonight.
Hoo hoo hoo hoo.
- That is great news, man.
- Aw, man, I can't wait, guys.
- Whoa, shit.
- (clanging) Whoa what happened? You all right? (clanging) Oh nothing nothing.
I gotta go, man.
Yo, hello? - What happened? - I don't know.
He hung up.
Hey, brother, a little help? Huh? What are you, late for a Tyler Perry movie? Come on.
Shit.
Dina: Check it out.
This is ZO2's home away from home.
Well, good for you.
I'm sorry about that bomb I dropped on you yesterday.
Yeah yeah.
I've been thinking about it.
That was really fucked up on my part.
You know, I got a lot of making up to do, I think.
Well, there are some things I think that would mean a lot to, um, Bob, like some Marshall cabs.
Some new new cabs would be fabulous.
Why would a marine biologist in Curaçao need Marshall cabinets? Oh, because he's a huge ZO2 fan.
- Okay.
- He's, like, a groupie and we have What, does he like to listen to their music really loud in his room or something? Exactly.
And we have, like, this whole web podcast thing and he he loves that back in Curaçao.
He brings the island children over and they all listen to ZO2.
It's hilarious.
Well, if he needs Marshall cabs, man, why not? That's easy for me to do, because I know I screwed up in the past.
I really want to do the right thing.
Daryl Hall, are you asking me to marry you? Fuck, no.
I'm talking about maybe, like, a used Honda.
A used Honda? That's what Bob means to you? After I pushed him out with his huge head, you offer a used Honda? Well, maybe a new Honda.
Dina: Well, that's better.
Dina, did you not hear me screaming outside, hanging off the side of a truck like a fat Spider-Man? Neil, this is my friend Daryl Hall.
Whoa! - Daryl Hall.
- Hey, how are you? - Oh my God.
I'm a big fan, man.
- Thank you.
Neil, we were kind of in the middle of a conversation.
No, I know.
I'm happy I was able to join.
You wanna hear a crazy story? - No.
- Sure.
And stop me if you've heard it.
You probably get this a lot.
But this is a good one.
It's ninth grade.
I steal my mom's car.
I got this girl.
She's going down on me.
We're hot and heavy.
I make a joke.
"You're almost as good as your brother at this.
" All right? She bites my cock.
I'm screaming.
She's crying.
"Maneater" comes on.
We high-five and giggle for an hour.
Please tell me that was your vision when you wrote that song.
Well, you know, you're not too far off.
- That's sort of what the song's about.
- I knew it.
Paulie: This is it, boys Dave Navarro's ZO2 initiation.
We gotta see if that man can chow down at Hill Country.
Who cares if the dude can eat ribs? Dude, he's a killer musician.
- He can play.
- This is Dave Navarro.
Why is he gonna join the band? Let's pretend I'm Dave Navarro, okay? Ask me to join the band.
- Join the band.
- No, you're an idiot.
Put it this way it's like electing the pope.
I can't wait to hear this.
Go ahead.
When the pope dies, they don't just say, "Hey, that guy's old and has white hair and looks good in a yarmulke.
- Let's give him the job.
" - Elaborate.
The point is: Pope, bishop, rabbi it doesn't matter you cannot be a member of ZO2 if you can't eat like a member of ZO2.
That's what I'm saying.
There he is.
What's up, brother? Ms.
Johnson called me up.
What's up? - Paulie: You hungry? - I could eat a little something, sure.
All right.
We got some ribs coming.
- David: Here it comes.
- You waste no time around here.
- Oh, yeah.
They know us here.
- Here we go, our usual order.
Wow, look at this.
Just dig in, right? - Just dig in, baby.
- Thank you.
- Damn, these are looking good.
- Joey: Sure, man.
Whoo.
Oh fuck, man.
God damn.
Mm, this shit was good.
You guys fuckin' finished them all? - You didn't leave anything for us.
- Wow.
But you know, I did order dessert.
Sweetheart.
Right right now.
Yeah, look at that.
Have you had these? Hi, baby.
- Oh - Oh, look at that the girl of my dreams.
- PB&J cupcakes.
- Dig in, fellas.
- These are our favorites.
- To ZO2, huh? - To ZO2.
- Cent'anno.
- All right.
- And Dave Navarro.
Aw, you're too kind.
Fuckin' good, right? God damn.
Whoo! I gotta go to the bathroom, man.
I'll be right back.
Don't don't touch that.
I wasn't planning on it.
Okay? Has he passed your test? He did pass the test, but there's one more concern.
I didn't bring it up only because I didn't think we'd even get this far.
You know the video of him yelling at that girl on the internet? - Of course.
- Yeah.
He is considered a child-hater.
We can't associate with someone like that.
- Dave: Hi, guys.
- David: Look at this.
Check this out.
- Who's this? - Elizabeth.
Hi, Elizabeth.
My name is Dave.
- Hi, Dave.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
What a gorgeous little girl you have here.
- Woman: Thank you.
- Dave: Gorgeous.
Look at that smile.
Oh, I see you lost a tooth.
- Elizabeth: Yeah.
- First one.
Wow, you know, I wrote a song about that.
Would you like to hear it? There's a guitar right there.
- Elizabeth: Okay.
- Dave: Okay.
It goes like this.
You'll never forget your very first time I bet you bled red like a berry You lost it at last, so I wrote you this rhyme To celebrate popping your Tooth out.
- Huh? - Woman: Great.
Thank you.
- (applause) - It's my pleasure.
- Okay? - Paulie: Okay okay.
If Navarro does good at the show, he's in.
He's fuckin' good, isn't he? He's good.
He can write music for any porn scene you can throw at him.
God damn, you're gorgeous.
- (door opens) - Dina: Hello.
- What's up, Dina? - How are you, boys? - How are you doing? - I came in for two things one, break a leg; two, I think it's a hideous idea to let Navarro play the whole show with you.
The first time someone screws you over, shame on them.
- I'm sitting right here.
- All right, Dave.
- You're saying this in front of me.
- I see you, but here's the deal Secondly, how did I screw them over? Listen to me, you mental midget.
What I mean is you ditched us while shooting our music video.
I didn't ditch you guys.
I had an emergency.
You fucked a TV nurse, Dave.
It was a medical emergency.
- Neil: You're on, guys.
- We gotta go.
- Come on, let's go.
- All right.
I gotta play, girls.
Love ya.
Bye.
It doesn't matter.
Break a leg.
- Paulie: We'll talk about it later.
- Shake off the crazy.
- Okay, love ya.
- All right, all right.
Wow.
All right, guys, listen.
We're gonna go out there and play and I want you to do me a favor.
This is going to be very difficult for you two, but focus and I think you can do it.
I want you only listening to me, all right? See you guys afterward.
(crowd cheering, applauding) Hi, everybody.
Welcome to Webster Hall! Just below it.
We are ZO2 - Featuring Dave Navarro, yeah - (crowd screaming) Something here's got a hold on me And though she said she's a-changin' I'm still waitin' Ooh I'm still waitin' You know I'm still waiting, you know.
(crowd cheering) So did he pass your test, man? Is he in? Paulie: I'm convinced.
He's 100% in.
- We have to ask Navarro to join ZO2.
- Absolutely.
- Done.
- Where is he? - He's outside with Neil.
- Oh boy.
I hope they're just smoking.
Good point.
All right, you know what? - Then why don't we tell Dina first? - Yes, let's go.
Let her know the news - Cool.
and then we will tell him.
- Dina.
- You were wonderful.
You were right.
Dave was good.
I think we all agree Dave was better than good.
He was amazing and we talked about it.
We want to ask him to join the band.
Absolutely not.
No way.
- We - Paulie, he's a deviant liar.
It doesn't matter.
This is the whole industry's filled with deviant liars It doesn't matter.
He can't be trusted.
Hello? Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and now ZO2.
Are you for real with Jane's Addiction and Red Hot he was in those bands for, like, five minutes.
The only thing he's been in for any period of time is Carmen Electra.
No.
Dave Navarro is not to be trusted ever.
Hey, Dina, Dina.
Daryl, hi.
How are you? I got those Marshall cabinets you were talking about.
- Daryl Hall.
- Bob? - Bob! - Oh no, this is bad.
Daryl, please stop hugging him.
Oh my God, you gotta stop hugging him.
Daryl, Daryl, please stop.
Ahh, don't touch the hair! What the hell is going on? You look different than the picture you showed, man.
- What are you talking about? - You're tall.
You're thin.
- You're beautiful, man.
- I know.
Thank you.
Wait wait wait wait.
This is Paulie.
- Paulie's the lead singer of my band ZO2.
- What? - This is Daryl Hall.
- We know who he is.
When I was in high school, Daryl came and played my school.
And Daryl and I spent a few nights in his van.
- Tour bus, by the way.
- Okay, yeah, whatever.
- Do you sleep with everybody? - No, I don't sleep with everybody.
I sleep with people that will help my career usually.
That's it, okay? Well, I'm sorry I failed you, that I didn't help your career.
Well, that's not why I slept with you.
I slept with you because I actually really cared about you and I didn't know what to do because you left me with fucking $20 to take care of it.
- So you did get an abortion.
- No.
So your body did absorb the fetus.
Yes, Daryl, that's exactly what happened.
My body absorbed the fetus.
I can sometimes feel it late at night and no! So were you or were you not pregnant? Yeah l kind of.
What is "kind of"? Is it some sort of animation baby? No.
I lied to you, Daryl.
I lied.
I'm a liar.
I didn't absorb a fetus; I just lied.
I used a boy in my band and I pretended he was my son.
You told him that you were pregnant with me? - Daryl Hall's your father? - Does Mommy know? What's your mom's name? - Whatever.
- (voices overlapping) Okay, wait wait wait wait wait! Wait, listen to me, listen to me.
You don't understand.
There's always one person that makes everybody crazy, and he's the one who made me crazy.
- Do you know how many times - No no no, I didn't make you crazy.
You are fuckin' crazy.
But I like crazy.
So I'm at the Ritz-Carlton.
If you ever wanna, like, make a baby for real, give me a call.
That's where I'll be.
Bye.
I'm not crazy; I'm emotional.
- Dina, that was just plain weird.
- I'm sorry, guys.
I lied and I used you, Paulie, and I'm sorry.
Now he thinks I'm gonna meet him at a hotel.
What hotel did he say he was going to? Don't even think about it.
Like I'm gonna go.
- Look, the truth is you did lie.
- I'm sorry.
You're a liar, but you're our liar.
Don't forget that.
Maybe you were right.
Maybe we should ask Dave to be part of the band.
- He's right there.
- Oh, so you wanna ask him now? - Should we ask him? - Joey: Yeah.
- Dave? - Yeah.
Can we talk to you for a minute? - What's up, guys? - Dude, that was killer, huh? - Thanks for having me.
- You were wonderful.
The guys have a question for you and I'm onboard.
Um, we wanted to officially ask you to join ZO2.
Are you kidding? I would fuckin' love that.
- Dude! - (voices overlapping) I fuckin' would've loved to do something like that, but I'm going on tour in Japan.
- When? - Soon.
How long is the tour? For however long you want me in this band.
Dave: All right, I gotta bounce.
- Love, love, call me.
- Bye.
Peace.
- Paulie: So explain to me again.
- Joey: Priest.
- Right.
- Then bishop.
- Right.
- Then archbishop.
- Right.
- Then a cardinal.
- Right.
- Then the pope.
- Jesus Christ.
- Now you're getting the hang of it.
- He's above everybody.
- No, look.
David: Holy shit.
That's who Navarro's touring with? Your father stole Dave Navarro from us? (theme music playing) Paulie: Ready? One, two, three.
Kids: Z Rock! Man: That's original.