Acting Good (2022) s02e05 Episode Script
The Flighting Grouse
1
(dogs barking)
Y'all think this is going to get
the dogs out of the lodge?
Fuckin' better, man. Those dogs
have been in there for weeks.
Stephen Harper, get over here.
Hi, fellows. I'm ready.
I've been stretching
all morning.
Okay. All right. Put
this wiener vest on, all right?
You guys are coming to get me,
right?
Yeah, man. Sure thing.
Hit it!
Holy heck!
(barking)
- Get him.
- (barking continues)
All right.
We're back in business, bro.
Oh, it smells like this!
(barking continues)
No. Bad dog. Bad.
When my friends get here,
you're in big trouble.
♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪
♪ All night long ♪
Roger: You're listening to
Laughingstick in the morning.
It may be sunny outside,
but it's a dark day
in Grouse Lake
because there's a new chief
and council.
- (knocking on door)
- Jo: Roger? We need to talk.
Roger:
Holeh. I'm on the air, Jo.
Jo:
Just cut to a song.
Roger: Up next, we have
the country-pop classic,
"She's Drinkin' Beer 'Cause
Her Pregnancy Test Is Clear"
by Huck Wilber
and the Six Tooth Lightning.
Jo, I'm kind of busy
being the voice
of the people here.
That's what
I wanted to talk to you about.
I been looking over the budget
your friggin' bestie Deedee
gave you,
and I'm a confused.
Like, why do you need
so many humidifiers?
It's a dusty rez, Jo.
I got to keep this voice pure.
And why so many
expensive creams?
Because I have
so many body parts.
You wouldn't know the
first thing about moisturizing.
You could sand a canoe
with those crusty elbows.
I'm going to have to cut
your budget.
Oh, yeah?
I bet you're going to tell me
that I don't need
a dual-boiler espresso machine.
Waste of money.
This is happening
because I supported Leon.
No. This is happening
because you don't need
a rack of collectible spoons
to host a radio show.
They stir my coffees.
With all the money we save,
we could hire other radio hosts.
Wouldn't you like that?
Take time off?
Does a sunset take time off
from being majestic?
Yeah. It's called nighttime.
Listen, Roger.
This is the way it's got to be,
and believe me,
I take no pleasure in it.
Announcer:
And we're back
with the Native Volleyball
Association final,
as the Ojibway team
from Long Plain First Nation
takes on the little Inuit town
of Resolute.
It's a close game
here in the fifth set,
tied two to two, with Long
Plain looking to close it out.
Yo. Check it out.
A guy from Resolute
named "INUKMAN4U"
- is talking smack online.
- What'd he say?
"You Ojibways are all thick
from the moose meat."
You going to stand for that?
Fuckin' trolls, man.
Get out of the way.
Let Uncle deal with this.
That's pretty big talk
from a little man
way the fuck up north.
Chickadee:
Oh, shit.
He called you a Southern belle
in a pretty little ribbon skirt.
Man, fuck this guy.
- We're the real true north.
- Yeah.
Watch this.
You guys are just miserable
'cause you never get to see
the sun.
It's fucking beautiful.
I'm looking at it right now.
- Ah!
- (horn blaring)
Announcer: And there it is!
- Long Plain wins again.
- Yeah!
Look at those babies
from Resolute. Just cheesed.
What? He says,
"Long Plain only won
because they're colonized,
just like you guys."
Say something that'll
really cook his blubber.
Eat my whole jeet,
you fuckin' beluga butt.
(laughing) Yeah!
Ba-ba-bam.
Wait, wait.
He's typing something.
I see the dots.
He logged off! (shouting)
Long Plain! Long Plain!
Long Plain! Long Plain!
Hey, Jo. Ooh, sorry.
Chief Jo.
So, are you ready to speak
at the community dinner
for health week tomorrow?
What? Why is the health centre
telling me now?
Oh, they actually told us
three weeks ago.
I'm telling you now.
Rose, really?
Oh, Chief Deedee
would just wing it.
Well, Chief Deedee left me
with a decade of paperwork,
and I have to get to
the nursing station.
Oh. For your foot thing?
Yeah. It's getting worse.
Apparently,
fungus grows real fast.
Oof.
Honestly,
when I take my sock off,
it smells like corn chips.
Okay. That's enough.
Really, my foot's all chapped
like a dog's ass.
I've got some e-mails to ignore.
(sniffing) Ooh! Ooh.
(phone ringing)
Sagatay Lodge. Paul speaking.
This is Aqqalu of Resolute.
Is this that bitch-ass
Ojibway keyboard warrior?
Yo. Is this Inuk Man
from the internets?
They gave you guys telephones?
You Ojibways talk some shit
on the internet,
but you're talking to me, now,
bro, man to man.
Why don't you go play
with your stupid whales
and your stupid seals with
the funny-looking moustaches?
You guys are dense and dumb,
like the bush you live in.
You guys are all up there
sliding around
on frozen tectonic plates.
Your people ruined APTN
with your bannock cooking shows.
You guys even get APTN?
If we don't get APTN,
then how come they did a story
on how crazy I am?
I want to fight you right now.
Oh, I'm begging for it.
I'll get down on my knees
and beg.
Wait.
Can you even see your knees?
All you got to do
is just show up.
But you won't,
because you're too small
and you're too far away.
(beeping phone off)
Holy, bro. That just got heated.
Yeah. That was pretty intense.
Those were just jokes, man.
That shit's fine
on the internet,
but that phone call
made it way too real.
Yeah, man. What if
he comes looking for you?
He have to come from
way the fuck up north,
near the Baffin Islands?
You'd got to be crazy
to come here.
♪
(mosquito buzzing)
Fuckin' boreal bullshit.
Jo:
Bertha.
Oh, my foot is so chapped
there's pus coming out of it.
Oh.
You're not the regular nurse.
Nope. I'm Logan.
I'm just in from the city.
So, I understand that
you're Chief Jo
and you have a foot fungus.
Nope. That the other chief.
We have two chiefs,
both named Jo.
- You have two Chief Jo's?
- One is Chief Joe.
Ends with an "e."
I probably should get going now.
I thought this was the bathroom.
Is it hot in here?
I feel like you're
really getting hot in here.
Like, you know, nerdy hot,
yoga way.
Not that you're hot.
Okay. Well, this is for
Jo with no "e."
I'm going to go now.
Okay. Well, uh,
if you see Chief Joe
with an "e,"
tell him to take this cream
and put it on twice a day.
And if there's any pus,
tell him it's okay.
That's just part of the healing.
And he'd be, like,
"I'm Aqqalu from Resolute.
I cheer for
shitty volleyball teams."
And I'm, like,
"It's time to go nap time!"
(knocking on door)
Did somebody order
an ass-whooping?
Oh. Hey, Paul.
It's the crazy guy
from the internet.
(alarm blaring)
Rita:
That was Little Stevie
and the Shit Hawks
with the "Berens River Boogie,"
and this is Auntie Rita
in the afternoon
with the new gossip show,
"Didja Heard."
Crazy aunties need to call in
and make my day.
Female caller:
Didja heard about Gordon?
No. What happened?
Spill the tea.
Caller:
Heard he was shacked up with
Lorraine's cousin's nephew.
Caught them kissing on a quad.
Ooh. That's some steeped tea.
Caller:
Gordon's got a keemotch.
Just happy for those kings.
Next on the line?
Male caller:
Just wondering where Roger is.
He just makes
my whole day better.
I don't know
what I'd do without him.
Jo:
Rose? Rose!
Damn it, Rose.
Why the hell didn't you tell me
we had a new hot nurse?
Logan?
Ah, he's too nerdy for you.
You like meat heads
who fix skidoos.
But this guy got me,
with his tight pants
and his size-12 uniform shoes
and his white lab coat.
Wait. He did?
God. I--
I got to have
deadly chief energy.
I can't be seen
mooning over some guy.
So, what are you going to do?
Every time a guy
gets all up in your head,
you can't let it go.
As if.
I'll forget him by tomorrow.
Okay. Here's what
we're going to do.
Wait. What do you mean "we"?
So, this is Paul?
Yeah. You going to kick his ass?
That's the fuckin' plan.
So, you going to stay the night?
Yes, please.
I got a fight tomorrow,
so I got to check out
first thing.
Hey, Paul? Our first customer
since the dogs left.
Are you going to need
a wake-up call?
Yes, please. I like to get
a jump-start on the day.
The Wi-Fi password?
- Lowercase "d."
- Go on.
That's it. Lowercase "d."
All one word, lowercased.
Got it.
Do you smoke, man?
There's no smoking.
I only smoke people
with big mouths
who talk shit on the internet.
All right. Well, just sign here,
and here's your key.
And your room is just past
the big scared guy.
Thank you very much.
Remember.
The bigger guy takes
the bigger punch.
(whimpering fearfully)
Jo:
Logan, my friend hurt her ankle.
She needs a look.
Yeah. Something's loose.
Okay. So, what happened?
I fell off a building.
A building?
Luckily, I was there,
'cause I'm so calm
under pressure.
Well, hop on up.
I'll check you out.
Okay.
Sorry. Not you.
Just kidding.
I have a real deadly sense
of humour.
Okay. Be careful.
I'll be really delicate here.
Ow!
Logan:
That's interesting.
Okay. That's enough.
You can put her foot down now.
- Yeah.
- Just put it down.
Your ankle does look fine.
How tall was that building?
It's a good thing I got there
before it got worse,
which is crazy, because
I'm usually so busy being chief.
Okay. Well, just go home
and put some ice on it,
and, uh, take
the regular pain medication.
Maybe stay off
any tall buildings.
(laughing)
Okay. You heard him, Rose.
You can go now.
Actually, do you like food?
Of course.
(chuckling)
There's a community dinner
for health week.
Oh, that's cool.
I'm all about healthy food.
Yeah. And last time I went,
there was an empty chair
next to me.
Not because nobody wanted
to sit next to me
or thinks I'm a loser.
- Oh, I'm sure they don't.
- Yeah.
So, if you like food,
and there's an empty seat--
You want me to--
Just the chair,
it's just so empty. It's--
You want me to sit by you?
Okay, guy. This isn't a date.
But I'll see you there.
You can sit next to me,
and we can eat together?
Yeah. Sure.
Still got it.
What's that?
I still got it.
Uh, the foot fungus.
Oh.
Yo. Look what this guy uses
for a toothbrush.
Yo. Check out Aqqalu.
Fok'n guy's fighting a bear,
man!
We should call someone for help.
Paul:
No, no, no.
Let nature take its course.
Fuckin' guy's holding his own,
man.
Guy's as strong as that bear.
Come on, brother bear.
Use your claws!
Bite him! Ugh.
Come on. Fight!
He just kicked that bear
in the nuts.
Holy fuck!
The bear is down, man.
Rita:
'Morning, Grouse Lake.
You're listening to Auntie Rita
in the morning,
with my new co-host--
No. You're listening to
Laughingstick in the morning
with my co-host.
And here we are--
Pride of the Ojibway Nation
is on the line today,
as Paul seems to have bit off
more than he can chew.
And if you know Paul,
that's not easy.
Breaking news.
Rita, co-host
of many fantastic shows,
is retiring
from Grouse Lake Radio.
No, I ain't.
Rita, you're a real one.
But Chief Jo said I can--
We're all going to miss you.
For those of you
listening at home and can't see
what's going on,
Rita, with tears in her eyes,
is making her way to the door
for the very last time.
I'll remember that.
Who wants money
on Aqqalu the Destroyer?
Paul, my boy.
Mom. There you are.
I put $20 on you,
so go at him early
and get dirty if you have to.
Mom!
Good luck, my son, even though
you don't need it.
You're my big tough
fighting boy.
It's on, meat.
This is who you're fighting?
Yeah.
You got to put a stop to this.
Ah. I'll see what I can do.
Okay. Chickadee, switch my bet.
I want $20
on Aqqalu the Destroyer.
Rose, how do I look?
Uh, strong.
You look really strong.
Thanks.
Hey. These are mine.
Go on. Get, get, get.
Oh. Hey, Logan.
Hi.
Right here.
Is everything all right
with them?
Oh, don't worry.
They're just drug dealers.
- No.
- But not on my watch.
I said,
"Not during health week."
Logan: Hey, look at that.
Right on time.
Uh, whoa. Is that--
Is that turkey covered in gravy?
Everything in moderation.
Hi there.
Do you like the turkey
with salad
or the stuffing?
It's made with cranberry
and duck fat.
- Oh! The one with--
- Duck fat?
- Duck fat.
- Mm-hmm.
But it's health week.
We'll obviously have the salad.
Obviously the salad.
(whispering)
Save me a plate for later.
Hey.
Ding-ding-ding.
Time out!
Oh, I'm going to fight you
harder now.
Lips, get over here.
Do something about this.
You're the cops.
Sorry, Paul.
This is all on the up-and-up.
We've got to be doing
something illegal here.
You gave written consent to
fight him
after you said
he has a beluga butt online,
so this fight's legal.
Fine. But if he kills me,
you're not invited to
my funeral,
and they're going to have
the best sandwiches.
- Like, what kind of sandwiches?
- Your favourite kind.
I'm going to give you
the first punch.
And after that,
it's out of my control.
Logan: I can't believe they put
duck fat in the stuffing.
I know, right?
You're the chief. You should
get up and say something.
Like, right now?
Excuse me. You.
Fried bannock?
During health week?
Okay. And you know what?
Might as well let
those two monsters sell crack.
I'm going to say
a little something here.
Hi, everyone.
I'm the nurse practitioner here,
and I cannot believe
that they would serve bannock
during health week events.
And I know that Chief Jo here
feels the same way.
(booing)
Guys, bannock is
not even Indigenous.
(booing intensifies)
The Scots brought bannock here,
anyways.
Come on. How colonized are you?
What the fuck did he just say?
Please, Jo. Come. Tell them.
Man:
Come on, Jo.
Yeah. Health week.
You know what I think
would be really healthy?
If you left and never came back.
Others:
Yeah!
Just for your information,
the Scots
may have brought bannock here,
but we fok'n perfected it. Fuck!
(cheering and applause)
And as your new chief,
I'm officially declaring
health week bannock week.
(cheering and applause)
Go on. Get out of here. Fuck.
Go on.
Now, somebody bring me
that duck fat stuffing!
(muttering)
No more fucking around.
(retching)
- (grunting)
- Hey!
Oh, pretty fast
for a big fellow.
I can-- But, uh, I'm--
(laughing nervously)
- (shouting)
- ♪ My first real novel ♪
Paul!
Here.
(shouting)
(cowbell clanging)
What the fuck is this?
A wiener vest?
You think it's going to stop me?
No, beluga butt.
But he will.
Oh, shit. A dog.
I have one rule.
I don't fight dogs.
Call it off. Call it off!
Why does it have to be a dog?
Hey, man. North's that way.
It's Laughingstick
in the evening,
and you know what?
I've always had to fight
for what I wanted.
But maybe I'm done fighting.
Maybe I'm not
appreciated enough.
But it could always be worse.
I could be Stephen Harper.
Hey. Psst.
(dogs barking,
crickets chirping)
Can I have a hot dog?
I ate all of mine.
Sure, but you're going to
have to fight me for it.
(barking continues)
(men singing
in Indigenous language)
♪
(dogs barking)
Y'all think this is going to get
the dogs out of the lodge?
Fuckin' better, man. Those dogs
have been in there for weeks.
Stephen Harper, get over here.
Hi, fellows. I'm ready.
I've been stretching
all morning.
Okay. All right. Put
this wiener vest on, all right?
You guys are coming to get me,
right?
Yeah, man. Sure thing.
Hit it!
Holy heck!
(barking)
- Get him.
- (barking continues)
All right.
We're back in business, bro.
Oh, it smells like this!
(barking continues)
No. Bad dog. Bad.
When my friends get here,
you're in big trouble.
♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪
♪ All night long ♪
Roger: You're listening to
Laughingstick in the morning.
It may be sunny outside,
but it's a dark day
in Grouse Lake
because there's a new chief
and council.
- (knocking on door)
- Jo: Roger? We need to talk.
Roger:
Holeh. I'm on the air, Jo.
Jo:
Just cut to a song.
Roger: Up next, we have
the country-pop classic,
"She's Drinkin' Beer 'Cause
Her Pregnancy Test Is Clear"
by Huck Wilber
and the Six Tooth Lightning.
Jo, I'm kind of busy
being the voice
of the people here.
That's what
I wanted to talk to you about.
I been looking over the budget
your friggin' bestie Deedee
gave you,
and I'm a confused.
Like, why do you need
so many humidifiers?
It's a dusty rez, Jo.
I got to keep this voice pure.
And why so many
expensive creams?
Because I have
so many body parts.
You wouldn't know the
first thing about moisturizing.
You could sand a canoe
with those crusty elbows.
I'm going to have to cut
your budget.
Oh, yeah?
I bet you're going to tell me
that I don't need
a dual-boiler espresso machine.
Waste of money.
This is happening
because I supported Leon.
No. This is happening
because you don't need
a rack of collectible spoons
to host a radio show.
They stir my coffees.
With all the money we save,
we could hire other radio hosts.
Wouldn't you like that?
Take time off?
Does a sunset take time off
from being majestic?
Yeah. It's called nighttime.
Listen, Roger.
This is the way it's got to be,
and believe me,
I take no pleasure in it.
Announcer:
And we're back
with the Native Volleyball
Association final,
as the Ojibway team
from Long Plain First Nation
takes on the little Inuit town
of Resolute.
It's a close game
here in the fifth set,
tied two to two, with Long
Plain looking to close it out.
Yo. Check it out.
A guy from Resolute
named "INUKMAN4U"
- is talking smack online.
- What'd he say?
"You Ojibways are all thick
from the moose meat."
You going to stand for that?
Fuckin' trolls, man.
Get out of the way.
Let Uncle deal with this.
That's pretty big talk
from a little man
way the fuck up north.
Chickadee:
Oh, shit.
He called you a Southern belle
in a pretty little ribbon skirt.
Man, fuck this guy.
- We're the real true north.
- Yeah.
Watch this.
You guys are just miserable
'cause you never get to see
the sun.
It's fucking beautiful.
I'm looking at it right now.
- Ah!
- (horn blaring)
Announcer: And there it is!
- Long Plain wins again.
- Yeah!
Look at those babies
from Resolute. Just cheesed.
What? He says,
"Long Plain only won
because they're colonized,
just like you guys."
Say something that'll
really cook his blubber.
Eat my whole jeet,
you fuckin' beluga butt.
(laughing) Yeah!
Ba-ba-bam.
Wait, wait.
He's typing something.
I see the dots.
He logged off! (shouting)
Long Plain! Long Plain!
Long Plain! Long Plain!
Hey, Jo. Ooh, sorry.
Chief Jo.
So, are you ready to speak
at the community dinner
for health week tomorrow?
What? Why is the health centre
telling me now?
Oh, they actually told us
three weeks ago.
I'm telling you now.
Rose, really?
Oh, Chief Deedee
would just wing it.
Well, Chief Deedee left me
with a decade of paperwork,
and I have to get to
the nursing station.
Oh. For your foot thing?
Yeah. It's getting worse.
Apparently,
fungus grows real fast.
Oof.
Honestly,
when I take my sock off,
it smells like corn chips.
Okay. That's enough.
Really, my foot's all chapped
like a dog's ass.
I've got some e-mails to ignore.
(sniffing) Ooh! Ooh.
(phone ringing)
Sagatay Lodge. Paul speaking.
This is Aqqalu of Resolute.
Is this that bitch-ass
Ojibway keyboard warrior?
Yo. Is this Inuk Man
from the internets?
They gave you guys telephones?
You Ojibways talk some shit
on the internet,
but you're talking to me, now,
bro, man to man.
Why don't you go play
with your stupid whales
and your stupid seals with
the funny-looking moustaches?
You guys are dense and dumb,
like the bush you live in.
You guys are all up there
sliding around
on frozen tectonic plates.
Your people ruined APTN
with your bannock cooking shows.
You guys even get APTN?
If we don't get APTN,
then how come they did a story
on how crazy I am?
I want to fight you right now.
Oh, I'm begging for it.
I'll get down on my knees
and beg.
Wait.
Can you even see your knees?
All you got to do
is just show up.
But you won't,
because you're too small
and you're too far away.
(beeping phone off)
Holy, bro. That just got heated.
Yeah. That was pretty intense.
Those were just jokes, man.
That shit's fine
on the internet,
but that phone call
made it way too real.
Yeah, man. What if
he comes looking for you?
He have to come from
way the fuck up north,
near the Baffin Islands?
You'd got to be crazy
to come here.
♪
(mosquito buzzing)
Fuckin' boreal bullshit.
Jo:
Bertha.
Oh, my foot is so chapped
there's pus coming out of it.
Oh.
You're not the regular nurse.
Nope. I'm Logan.
I'm just in from the city.
So, I understand that
you're Chief Jo
and you have a foot fungus.
Nope. That the other chief.
We have two chiefs,
both named Jo.
- You have two Chief Jo's?
- One is Chief Joe.
Ends with an "e."
I probably should get going now.
I thought this was the bathroom.
Is it hot in here?
I feel like you're
really getting hot in here.
Like, you know, nerdy hot,
yoga way.
Not that you're hot.
Okay. Well, this is for
Jo with no "e."
I'm going to go now.
Okay. Well, uh,
if you see Chief Joe
with an "e,"
tell him to take this cream
and put it on twice a day.
And if there's any pus,
tell him it's okay.
That's just part of the healing.
And he'd be, like,
"I'm Aqqalu from Resolute.
I cheer for
shitty volleyball teams."
And I'm, like,
"It's time to go nap time!"
(knocking on door)
Did somebody order
an ass-whooping?
Oh. Hey, Paul.
It's the crazy guy
from the internet.
(alarm blaring)
Rita:
That was Little Stevie
and the Shit Hawks
with the "Berens River Boogie,"
and this is Auntie Rita
in the afternoon
with the new gossip show,
"Didja Heard."
Crazy aunties need to call in
and make my day.
Female caller:
Didja heard about Gordon?
No. What happened?
Spill the tea.
Caller:
Heard he was shacked up with
Lorraine's cousin's nephew.
Caught them kissing on a quad.
Ooh. That's some steeped tea.
Caller:
Gordon's got a keemotch.
Just happy for those kings.
Next on the line?
Male caller:
Just wondering where Roger is.
He just makes
my whole day better.
I don't know
what I'd do without him.
Jo:
Rose? Rose!
Damn it, Rose.
Why the hell didn't you tell me
we had a new hot nurse?
Logan?
Ah, he's too nerdy for you.
You like meat heads
who fix skidoos.
But this guy got me,
with his tight pants
and his size-12 uniform shoes
and his white lab coat.
Wait. He did?
God. I--
I got to have
deadly chief energy.
I can't be seen
mooning over some guy.
So, what are you going to do?
Every time a guy
gets all up in your head,
you can't let it go.
As if.
I'll forget him by tomorrow.
Okay. Here's what
we're going to do.
Wait. What do you mean "we"?
So, this is Paul?
Yeah. You going to kick his ass?
That's the fuckin' plan.
So, you going to stay the night?
Yes, please.
I got a fight tomorrow,
so I got to check out
first thing.
Hey, Paul? Our first customer
since the dogs left.
Are you going to need
a wake-up call?
Yes, please. I like to get
a jump-start on the day.
The Wi-Fi password?
- Lowercase "d."
- Go on.
That's it. Lowercase "d."
All one word, lowercased.
Got it.
Do you smoke, man?
There's no smoking.
I only smoke people
with big mouths
who talk shit on the internet.
All right. Well, just sign here,
and here's your key.
And your room is just past
the big scared guy.
Thank you very much.
Remember.
The bigger guy takes
the bigger punch.
(whimpering fearfully)
Jo:
Logan, my friend hurt her ankle.
She needs a look.
Yeah. Something's loose.
Okay. So, what happened?
I fell off a building.
A building?
Luckily, I was there,
'cause I'm so calm
under pressure.
Well, hop on up.
I'll check you out.
Okay.
Sorry. Not you.
Just kidding.
I have a real deadly sense
of humour.
Okay. Be careful.
I'll be really delicate here.
Ow!
Logan:
That's interesting.
Okay. That's enough.
You can put her foot down now.
- Yeah.
- Just put it down.
Your ankle does look fine.
How tall was that building?
It's a good thing I got there
before it got worse,
which is crazy, because
I'm usually so busy being chief.
Okay. Well, just go home
and put some ice on it,
and, uh, take
the regular pain medication.
Maybe stay off
any tall buildings.
(laughing)
Okay. You heard him, Rose.
You can go now.
Actually, do you like food?
Of course.
(chuckling)
There's a community dinner
for health week.
Oh, that's cool.
I'm all about healthy food.
Yeah. And last time I went,
there was an empty chair
next to me.
Not because nobody wanted
to sit next to me
or thinks I'm a loser.
- Oh, I'm sure they don't.
- Yeah.
So, if you like food,
and there's an empty seat--
You want me to--
Just the chair,
it's just so empty. It's--
You want me to sit by you?
Okay, guy. This isn't a date.
But I'll see you there.
You can sit next to me,
and we can eat together?
Yeah. Sure.
Still got it.
What's that?
I still got it.
Uh, the foot fungus.
Oh.
Yo. Look what this guy uses
for a toothbrush.
Yo. Check out Aqqalu.
Fok'n guy's fighting a bear,
man!
We should call someone for help.
Paul:
No, no, no.
Let nature take its course.
Fuckin' guy's holding his own,
man.
Guy's as strong as that bear.
Come on, brother bear.
Use your claws!
Bite him! Ugh.
Come on. Fight!
He just kicked that bear
in the nuts.
Holy fuck!
The bear is down, man.
Rita:
'Morning, Grouse Lake.
You're listening to Auntie Rita
in the morning,
with my new co-host--
No. You're listening to
Laughingstick in the morning
with my co-host.
And here we are--
Pride of the Ojibway Nation
is on the line today,
as Paul seems to have bit off
more than he can chew.
And if you know Paul,
that's not easy.
Breaking news.
Rita, co-host
of many fantastic shows,
is retiring
from Grouse Lake Radio.
No, I ain't.
Rita, you're a real one.
But Chief Jo said I can--
We're all going to miss you.
For those of you
listening at home and can't see
what's going on,
Rita, with tears in her eyes,
is making her way to the door
for the very last time.
I'll remember that.
Who wants money
on Aqqalu the Destroyer?
Paul, my boy.
Mom. There you are.
I put $20 on you,
so go at him early
and get dirty if you have to.
Mom!
Good luck, my son, even though
you don't need it.
You're my big tough
fighting boy.
It's on, meat.
This is who you're fighting?
Yeah.
You got to put a stop to this.
Ah. I'll see what I can do.
Okay. Chickadee, switch my bet.
I want $20
on Aqqalu the Destroyer.
Rose, how do I look?
Uh, strong.
You look really strong.
Thanks.
Hey. These are mine.
Go on. Get, get, get.
Oh. Hey, Logan.
Hi.
Right here.
Is everything all right
with them?
Oh, don't worry.
They're just drug dealers.
- No.
- But not on my watch.
I said,
"Not during health week."
Logan: Hey, look at that.
Right on time.
Uh, whoa. Is that--
Is that turkey covered in gravy?
Everything in moderation.
Hi there.
Do you like the turkey
with salad
or the stuffing?
It's made with cranberry
and duck fat.
- Oh! The one with--
- Duck fat?
- Duck fat.
- Mm-hmm.
But it's health week.
We'll obviously have the salad.
Obviously the salad.
(whispering)
Save me a plate for later.
Hey.
Ding-ding-ding.
Time out!
Oh, I'm going to fight you
harder now.
Lips, get over here.
Do something about this.
You're the cops.
Sorry, Paul.
This is all on the up-and-up.
We've got to be doing
something illegal here.
You gave written consent to
fight him
after you said
he has a beluga butt online,
so this fight's legal.
Fine. But if he kills me,
you're not invited to
my funeral,
and they're going to have
the best sandwiches.
- Like, what kind of sandwiches?
- Your favourite kind.
I'm going to give you
the first punch.
And after that,
it's out of my control.
Logan: I can't believe they put
duck fat in the stuffing.
I know, right?
You're the chief. You should
get up and say something.
Like, right now?
Excuse me. You.
Fried bannock?
During health week?
Okay. And you know what?
Might as well let
those two monsters sell crack.
I'm going to say
a little something here.
Hi, everyone.
I'm the nurse practitioner here,
and I cannot believe
that they would serve bannock
during health week events.
And I know that Chief Jo here
feels the same way.
(booing)
Guys, bannock is
not even Indigenous.
(booing intensifies)
The Scots brought bannock here,
anyways.
Come on. How colonized are you?
What the fuck did he just say?
Please, Jo. Come. Tell them.
Man:
Come on, Jo.
Yeah. Health week.
You know what I think
would be really healthy?
If you left and never came back.
Others:
Yeah!
Just for your information,
the Scots
may have brought bannock here,
but we fok'n perfected it. Fuck!
(cheering and applause)
And as your new chief,
I'm officially declaring
health week bannock week.
(cheering and applause)
Go on. Get out of here. Fuck.
Go on.
Now, somebody bring me
that duck fat stuffing!
(muttering)
No more fucking around.
(retching)
- (grunting)
- Hey!
Oh, pretty fast
for a big fellow.
I can-- But, uh, I'm--
(laughing nervously)
- (shouting)
- ♪ My first real novel ♪
Paul!
Here.
(shouting)
(cowbell clanging)
What the fuck is this?
A wiener vest?
You think it's going to stop me?
No, beluga butt.
But he will.
Oh, shit. A dog.
I have one rule.
I don't fight dogs.
Call it off. Call it off!
Why does it have to be a dog?
Hey, man. North's that way.
It's Laughingstick
in the evening,
and you know what?
I've always had to fight
for what I wanted.
But maybe I'm done fighting.
Maybe I'm not
appreciated enough.
But it could always be worse.
I could be Stephen Harper.
Hey. Psst.
(dogs barking,
crickets chirping)
Can I have a hot dog?
I ate all of mine.
Sure, but you're going to
have to fight me for it.
(barking continues)
(men singing
in Indigenous language)
♪